Cu-nosuba: God’s Blessing on This Lancer’s Holy Grail War!

[alextheconqueror]

Don't know if you have strong feelings about it one way or the other author but...
While it's a bit hotly debated, Gilgamesh in canon likely doesn't have Excalibur in his Gate of Babylon.

It's all the treasures he had in life + all prototype NPs connected to humanity. Arguably, a lot of NP's are connected enough in lore to make a bunch of NPs of the fate characters prototypes of others, so having say Gae Bolg isn't weird. He has been shown to have a couple of divine NP's but they are very rare in his collection).

Excalibur isn't a prototype for any NP because of its scale/purpose (Literally a fight threat to planet-scale weapon), it was forged by 'super' fairies in the reverse side of the world so it isn't really that connected to humanity other than Artoria having it on loan (She never 'owned' it, hence why she has to give it back when she 'dies'.). Gil's had LOTS of opportunities to stunt on Arthur/Artoria by pulling her stuff out at her, and never did.

Incidentally, while I don't think there was any specific mention of him not having it in actual canon, him not having Avalon(the sheathe) WAS mentioned, it's extremely unlikely he has her spear either, it's... possibly even more inhuman/stronger(if in a different way) than Excalibur is.

He definitely is missing a lot of divine constructs; he has Harp and Gram though.

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Well there are other swords that are considered siblings of Excalibur(Galatine and Arondight) so it could also have a sword that was used as a "Prototype", though thats assuming, I remember hearing that he had something like that but don't remember if it was Fanon or canon

 

[Davos]

Don't know if you have strong feelings about it one way or the other author but...
While it's a bit hotly debated, Gilgamesh in canon likely doesn't have Excalibur in his Gate of Babylon.

It's all the treasures he had in life + all prototype NPs connected to humanity. Arguably, a lot of NP's are connected enough in lore to make a bunch of NPs of the fate characters prototypes of others, so having say Gae Bolg isn't weird. He has been shown to have a couple of divine NP's but they are very rare in his collection).

Excalibur isn't a prototype for any NP because of its scale/purpose (Literally a fight threat to planet-scale weapon), it was forged by 'super' fairies in the reverse side of the world so it isn't really that connected to humanity other than Artoria having it on loan (She never 'owned' it, hence why she has to give it back when she 'dies'.). Gil's had LOTS of opportunities to stunt on Arthur/Artoria by pulling her stuff out at her, and never did.

Incidentally, while I don't think there was any specific mention of him not having it in actual canon, him not having Avalon(the sheathe) WAS mentioned, it's extremely unlikely he has her spear either, it's... possibly even more inhuman/stronger(if in a different way) than Excalibur is.

He definitely is missing a lot of divine constructs; he has Harp and Gram though.

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I actually didn't consider that, but the fairy angle does make sense why he never used it against her. Though I somewhat recall a mention that even Gil doesn't know the full contents of his inventory.

Still, thank you for taking the time to write this out! I'll have to be sure to remember that if I ever write another Fate fic.

 

[Davos]

Shirou going full magus killer is fucking hilarious. But I guess he can't be blamed; he was told that Saber was the one who destroyed his life and killed his family 10 years ago (because yes, he does remember them; we even almost see a small flashback in the VN before he forces himself to stop thinking about it) before he ever managed to fall in love and form a bond with her.

Is he planning on dropping out of school? After Rin still goes there, and I doubt he would actually care about school anymore now that he has fully become a "Hero of Justice" like his dad. He's more likely to just disappear off the grid and run to the Middle East for the rest of his life, though he'll probably only use firearms instead of swords since his magecraft is still crap because he never got the soul resonance with EMIYA.



What servant? Gilgamesh? I don't think he would become Shirou's servant when Kirei is already here with better magic circuits, more experience, and over a dozen command seals.

Unless Gilgamesh doesn't trust Kirei and would prefer the weaker Shirou, but that wouldn't be in character; as far as Gilgamesh is aware, Kirei is loyal to him and his plan of unleashing Angra Mainyu.

Though I guess it would be super funny to have Archer go crazy because, for the first time in all his eternal life, he finally fights against an evil Shirou teamed up with Gilgamesh. Truly you never stop experiencing surprises in your life, but I guess that's the beauty of living.

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I think the school would still be shut down after Rider's attack causing everyone to collapse for an investigation just like canon.

As for the other parts regarding Shirou and Gil, I got something somewhat written on that for the start of the next chapter.

 

[Selias]

What servant? Gilgamesh? I don't think he would become Shirou's servant when Kirei is already here with better magic circuits, more experience, and over a dozen command seals.

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Did... did you miss the last two paragraphs of this chapter?

 

[Davos]

"Absolutely not! I entertained this idea already and after that horrid excuse of a master, and this humiliation I suffered from this Kazuma Satou, I will not-"

"You know Kazuma?" Shirou asks.

"Did I give you permission to- wait…you know this Kazuma?"

"Until a few minutes ago we were on the same side, but after this much time with him, I have little reason to-"

"Tolerate him?" Gilgamesh says the same time as Shirou, surprising the young man.

Gilgamesh smiles.

"Well, you are full of surprises Kirei. I will accept this plan for now. Though I do admit after Shinji, the bar is low for my next 'master'."

"Wait, you know Shinji?"

"I knew him. I killed him."

"You bastard!" Shirou says, making Kirei look with widened eyes.

"Watch your tone mongrel. I will-"

"I was going to kill him!" Shirou says, stunning both Kirei and Gilgamesh.

Both remain quiet a moment longer.

Gilgamesh suspects what he is feeling but is not certain, until Shirou asks his next question.

"Did you at least make it painful?"

"He died in tears." Gilgamesh says, now certain what he is feeling as a slight smile creeps up on Shirou's face.

Respect.

Respect for a creature of this period.

Not even he suspected he would come to such a result.

Even Kirei's smug, lightless smile is tolerable.



===

"…Why are you all here?" Rin asks with thinly veiled annoyance.

"You should be grateful I am allowing you this opportunity." Illya says with a tea cup in hand.

"Opportunity?"

"You come to my home, destroy it, leave me destitute, and lead to the death of my servant. Be glad I am offering you this chance of redemption. I'll even offer aid against that insufferable blonde man." Illya says.

"I didn't even cause most of those things!"

"Part of growing up is dealing with things outside your control…but I can understand if you don't want to~."

"I believe this is what Sella calls, 'being a brat', Lady Illya." Leysritt says in monotone.

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is, and you still have to write that report!" Sella says from the kitchen, making Illya deflate.

Rin looks over to Caster.

"…I would think after seeing Gilgamesh kill Heracles, you would welcome an alliance." Medea says, and Rin stays quiet before looking over at Kazuma, who is in the kitchen with Sella, Rider, and Archer.

"What's with that stare, Red junior?"

"Pardon me for not feeling enthused about you being in my home."

"Is that any way to talk to me after I saved your ass?" And I can't exactly go back to the residence of the guy that tried to Elizabeth us, now can I?" Kazuma says, getting a weak groan of rage from a couch ridden Saber.

"Don't worry Elizabeth, we'll get that horrible man back." Medea says, drawing another groan.

"I don't think he'll go back home after making enemies of this many servants." Archer says while smoothly cooking some egg rolls.

"Where else can he go?" Sella asks while adding some spices to a soup.

"The church?" Kazuma asks while cooking rice as a dish falls to the ground.

Rider dropped it.

She is blushing while picking it up.

"Don't worry about it, happens to all of us…though you don't really need to be back here. I think us three can handle dinner easily enough so you can relax."

"I…thought I could try to help…" Rider says before tossing the broken plate to the garbage and sitting with a slight blush.

'So cute…' Kazuma thinks with a grin, drawing blank stares from Archer and Sella.

"I don't think he would ever go to the church."

"Did you think he would ever toss a bag of flash bangs and make Saber commit Harakiri?"

"…If he did go to the church then we have nothing to worry about with regards to him. Kirei most likely killed him by now."

"Why's that?"

"Servants need mana to stay in this world. One of those ways is by eating the souls of people, and Gilgamesh remained in this world for over 10 years after the end of the prior Grail war…this was around the time he started taking in orphans from a disaster at the end of said war."

"Oh God…this church is worse than Arcanletia…" Kazuma says with vacant eyes.

After that they set the table and see Saber still cannot rouse herself, even there is mention of meat, and lots of it, causing a groan at her own bodily impotence.

"She's not at risk of dying…so what is wrong with her?" Kazuma asks.

"I am not sure. I think the excess damage, and the exact nature of your healing spell has her in a state of limbo. I am certain an influx of mana can resolve it but…" Caster says before looking over the room of women, a male servant, and Kazuma.

Kazuma gets up and heads over to the couch.

"How depraved…What a lack of decorum." Illya says.

"Not on my couch!" Rin shouts.

"…You are a young man, but can you at least go somewhere private?"

Rider, Sella, and Leysritt remains silent with a flat face.

Archer stands up and grabs Kazuma by the neck. Brow twitching, a vein on his head.

"What the Hell are you all scowling at me for? I'm just giving her mana like I did Cu!"

"Context Kazuma!" Cu Chulainn says as everyone but Archer looks at him.

Except Archer who is stunned at seeing Saber open her mouth.

"Child of Light, everyone is either a servant, and with the exception of Tohsaka, has extensive knowledge mage craft." Illya says.

"Are you seriously insulting me in my own home you freeloader?"

"50 pages." Sella says, getting a whimper from Illya.

"Create water…!" Kazuma says, strained from Archer's grasp, and splashing Saber in the face as she drinks some of the water, starting to revive with wide eyes.

Everyone else is equally wide eyed when Saber sits up, hair wet, her dress soaked, but alert, healthy, and blushing profusely.

Archer let's Kazuma go in shock.

"Why was everyone- wait why are you blushing?" Kazuma asks Saber who grows redder and leaves the room.

Before returning to grab her plate and stops a moment.

She grabs Kazuma's plate as well and leaves the room.

"Hey!"

"There's plenty for another few plates…this is bizarre…" Archer says before going into spirit form with a hand at his head.

Kazuma looks at Cu.

"One of the alternative methods for mana transfer is an exchange of fluids."

"What do you mean fl-Wait…'That' was an option!? So when she opened her mouth I could have…" Kazuma asks, a new regret forming.

'Great…my couch is soaked beyond all repair, and this idiot is going to be inconsolable.' Rin thinks as Medea hands a cup to Kazuma. A moment later she drinks a cup of 'create water' and gasps at the mana richness.

"How are you able to pack so much mana in water?" Medea asks, and Cu does a groaning gasp before standing.

"The potato patch!"

===

"…Why are we here?" Gilgamesh asks, standing the Emiya residence.

"They were staying here with me. Honestly, I'm surprised they aren't all here waiting to ambush me." Shirou says.

"Seeking to counter their ambush with me to avoid having to hunt them down? Surprisingly shrewd, but why would they all be here?"

"For some reason my prior Servant enthralled quite a few of them."

'…Just like that Irish lancer in the last Grail War.' Gilgamesh thinks before spotting a patch of freshly turned dirt. His eyes widen when Shirou throws a grenade at the potato patch, blowing it up.

"…I may no longer need to sustain myself like I did in life, but I do not appreciate wastes of food."

"Likewise, but it was planted by Kazuma."

"Then I shall make an exception. But I do hope you have weapons that do not cause instant death."

"Afraid not, but I do have a counter measure to his 'steal' spell."

"You do? What is it?" Gilgamesh asks, and Shirou explains his plan.

After a moment of disbelief, Gilgamesh laughs uproariously.

 

[alextheconqueror]

I'll be honest, I never expected to see Gilgamesh and Shirou cooperating with reach other

 

[Davos]

I'll be honest, I never expected to see Gilgamesh and Shirou cooperating with reach other

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Same.

 

[DracHoward]

Now im imagining the Carnival Phantasm version of the story.

Saber Maid's worst customer is still Gilgamesh, Kazuma's the second worst

 

[alextheconqueror]

Now im imagining the Carnival Phantasm version of the story.

Saber Maid's worst customer is still Gilgamesh, Kazuma's the second worst

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Someone needs to do a Carnival Phantasm omake, this is comedy gold