RenanPMoraes
Getting out there.
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2024
- Messages
- 23
- Likes received
- 595
Thanks for the heads up guys, I have no one to help me with prof reading, and the fact that English isn't my first language doesn't help either.
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Thanks for fixing the decimal point thing my ocd couldn't take much more lolPL: 1,592.5
MIGHT: 1,020
AGILITY: 2,349
SPIRIT: 2,000
MENTAL: 1,001
Points: 100
For English it's more common for anime's to go something along the lines of "take this" or "suck on that" or (if you're feeling especially jokey) "how bout dem apples"
Adept
Zenkai boosting is busted in this, raditz was about the same PL as Gohan and Gohan got a 20% boost when he recovered, so by that metric if he were to use a body splitting/duplication technique he could just beat the crap out of himself and get a 20% increase every 7 hours or so
Not every story needs to have a harem and their inclusion usually hurts the story's before it makes it better. As some of us would actually like to read a good dragon Ball fanfic without a cringy forced in harem where the idea of an actual story was thrown out the window of some substance. As the story almost always suffers when harem is thrown in.Man, this is an interesting story.
You improved your writing from one chapter to the next, the transition between scenes in the first chapter was a bit abrupt and now it's more fluid.
Regarding the romance, I'm in favor of Harem, this is a world that you can die at the whim of a planet-destroying villain, better make the most of it.
Pairing suggestion: Videl, Erasa, Zangya and Android 21.
This actually happens frequently, generally the story has to be focused on romance to be successful. I read some Spider-Man fics that managed to make it work.Not every story needs to have a harem and their inclusion usually hurts the story's before it makes it better. As some of us would actually like to read a good dragon Ball fanfic without a cringy forced in harem where the idea of an actual story was thrown out the window of some substance. As the story almost always suffers when harem is thrown in.
A romance doesn't mean a harem of women. I'm also not saying that there aren't any good harem story's it's just that they're far and few between as there more often than not cringe as most of them are only good as wank material as there's not really a plot most of the time overwhelmingly so. I don't know how best to say this but personally I feel like it's really hard to orchestrate a harem into a story in a way that doesn't make people cringe.This actually happens frequently, generally the story has to be focused on romance to be successful. I read some Spider-Man fics that managed to make it work.
I want to suggest that you maybe lower stat numbers for attribute gains. At the moment, it seems like you're just bloating them for no particular reason.
I personally think that a system where the stat gains are lower but have a larger impact on PL is more reasonable than gaining 2000+ in the strength stat only to have the PL increase by a measly few hundred points.
Last I checked, Gohan was ~15000 PL. This is perfectly fine given that it's so soon after the Saiyan saga concluded, but you have to think further ahead. What are stat gains going to be like post Frieza saga where PL is effectively in the hundred millions and above? What about the Cell saga or Buu saga? If you don't limit how you implement your stats and even your skills, this will just morph from an actual story into number porn where half the chapter just consists of the stat updates, and paragraphs of skills.
After this sentence you switch from 3rd person to 1st person
Here you went back to 3rd person as normal.
sittig - sitting
no - not
Seems good to me. At these levels, the hundreds and thousands start to become meaningless. So only showing when the millions and above go up seems like it will streamline things. On the other hand... If Gohan goes into a training session and the readers don't see any numbers go up for their (heh) monkey brains to fixate on, they might get irritated.
- In this story will the protagonist have a Harem?
Short answer: No.
Long Answer: I hadn't thought of a romantic partner for the protagonist when I started writing this story, I saw some people suggesting Bulma from the future...
Comment which romantic pairing you would like for the protagonist. I promise to take everyone into consideration.
I feel like the author is just going to say some bullshit about having too much ki and not enough control and the MC will explode. Which is complete bullshit and that's not how it works in the dragon Ball universe. As the main character could have an infinite amount of ki and zero control and he wouldn't explode. And what would actually happen is all his physical parameters would be amplified to a stupid degree and it would become extremely hard to interact with anyone without seriously hurting them or killing them or even just the environment without breaking stuff. As there plenty of examples throughout the series where a character lost control momentarily over they're absurd power and either destroy the environment a little bit or sent someone flying through a wall and then some. Example https://youtu.be/5a4WKZQRqo0?si=f-26SYabE3XmGlt8...He became a bomb? I'll be interested in seeing how that happened. Like, I don't SEE any reason that his body might explode. So is it something metaphysical, or is it just because Popo has NEVER seen someone reach a Power Level so high?
Hmm, and it'll be interesting to see what kind of wisdom he can learn from some of the DBZ masters before he heads off into space. I mean, he'll certainly still need something to pass the time on that trip considering how long it will take. Maybe he could also ask Bulma to have a computer set up with education courses for him to study? That way he could train his Mental to be more on par with his other stats?
sittig - sitting
positiont - position
Lastly, one or three periods, not two.
no - not
Seems good to me. At these levels, the hundreds and thousands start to become meaningless. So only showing when the millions and above go up seems like it will streamline things. On the other hand... If Gohan goes into a training session and the readers don't see any numbers go up for their (heh) monkey brains to fixate on, they might get irritated.
That's his actual name (カリン, Karin) in Japan and most countries.Fun chapter, thanks for writing it.
My only real gripe so far though is the spelling error that's seemingly attached itself to Korin for some reason:
I think that "K" is supposed to be an "M"... and maybe add a zero? Unless you're using some kind of numeral system I'm not aware of.
Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.nice chapter thx for writing it
huh wonder what the cat knows about god ki
nice seeing bulma being talked down still dont get the whole polite ness the mc is putting in all the time