Dungeon Master: It's a Magical World

[TimBaril]

Without slowing down, Kai chucked the baby like he was two-hand throwing a soccer ball into play from the sidelines, straight up into the owl bear's chest. "Catch!"

The owl bear jerked backward, blinking fast. It instinctively reached out to catch the flying baby, which gave out a startled, "Eep!"

Kai ducked and scooted right between the owl bear's legs while the taller beast was desperately distracted. He didn't quite duck low enough because bears have stubby legs, and smacked his forehead on something furry and rubbery, which elicited a gasping squawk from overhead. Kai didn't slow, though. Once through, he gunned it for the far wall and the admin stairway. Only once he was safely in the stairwell and protected by the barrier so creatures and others couldn't get to him, did he turn and look back while doubled over, hands on his knees, panting from exertion.

The first owl bear, the one now living in the dungeon, was backpeddling with frantic haste, baby clutched tight, eyes bulging.

The second owl bear, presumably the baby's mother, came barreling into the room like a freight train of parental wrath. She let out a high-pitched roar and snatched the baby out of the other's arms. Even as the baby stopped crying and buried its head in the mother's furry chest, the mother batted the other adult owl bear, perhaps the father, over the head.

The father tried to duck and cover, but it was no use. The mother kept slapping him down while screeching and growling, and probably really chastizing him for not being around to protect the baby.

Kai felt slightly guilty about that. And the kidnapping. Then he climbed the stairs as fast as he could on jellied legs, silently hoping the dungeon came with an elevator upgrade at some point. In the Admin Room, he flung himself at the console and locked the door to the fifth floor. Clinging to the console to prevent himself from sliding to the floor, he looked up at the screen.

Both adults and the baby were in the room. The door was locked. The mother was…still giving the father a piece of her mind. Or three. Violently. He appeared to be trying to run away, clawed paws over his head, fiercely waddling and begging her to stop according to his whimpering, but she was sticking to his fluffy feathered tail, not letting up for a second, the baby tucked safely under her other arm.

Kai let himself sink to the floor at last. He let out a long breath and enjoyed the cool stone against his body. "You'd think from all this running for my life, I'd have better cardio by now."

He now understood why rabbits and deer were always so fit. At least this gremlin body was in better shape than his human one had been. If he'd been his old, saggy, soft self, he'd have been eaten three times over by now. And he wouldn't have been lean meat. He would have been highly marbled, like those cows in Japan that spend their entire life in a tiny stall being stuffed with food every day until they were riddled with fat, and became famously juicy steaks: Kobe beef. That would have been him: Kobe Kai, the other red meat.

Hmm. Kobe Kai. Kinda sounded like Cobra Kai. That could have been his nickname if he'd been turned into a naga instead of a gremlin. A long, forked tongue and an extendable hood, maybe poisoned fangs. Maybe a black ninja outfit and membership in a secret, evil organization determined to take over the world. That would have been too weird. As strange as it was being in a body the size of a cat, he was glad he was still bipedal and not slithering around on a tail.

A greasy odour caught his nose. Scrunching it up, he reached up and touched his forehead. Then he sniffed his fingers. He gagged. "Ew. I smell like sweaty bear b—"

A loud whining sounded.

Kai glanced up at the screen.

The father owl bear was on his knees, begging as the mother berated him. But she wasn't hitting him, so…progress?

Kai stared at the wall. He'd just kidnapped a family and trapped them in his dungeon. On the one hand, maybe he'd saved them from being murdered for XP by that adventurer he'd heard about from Dead End. On the other hand, he'd locked them in an underground prison for the sake of dungeon growth. Maybe he'd be able to turn their room into a really nice place, like the best zoo enclosure ever, with lots of free food and the occasional adventurer to feast on. Then again, it would still be an enclosure, and they would no longer be free in the wild. Although the wild was dangerous, they had been free out there. He'd taken that away from them.

Some people in his position might have been like, who cares? You got free monsters. Level up from that shit, and enjoy it, bro! XP is all that matters. It's use or be used, kill or be killed, the law of the jungle. Progression and dominance, bitches! Because some people didn't have feelings and couldn't be empathetic. They were self-centred and soulless, the true monsters of the world.

Kai might be a gremlin now, but he didn't want to be a monster. That left him conflicted. Something to think about. For now, he heaved himself off the floor, washed the stank off his forehead, and set to hauling down some food for the new arrivals. Whether or not he released them later, they needed food and water. And a latrine. Because he wasn't cleaning that place in person.

He said aloud, "Legendary dungeon doesn't come with bathroom facilities. Guests are disgusted and leave poo-filled reviews. 5/10."

A farting noise came from somewhere, and a stench filled the room.

Kai sat up, pinched his nose and looked around. "Ok, who did that?!" Had someone been at the open door? Maybe there were bugs in the air-flow system? That would fit with the shady sales guy willing to sell to gremlins. And explain the low price of free. He needed to find some pine trees and drag a few boughs into the dungeon to make it smell better.

The next day started much more quietly. Although Kai was eager to set out to find the elves, Rush was needed to help the other kobolds with the construction of basic defences in the dungeon, guarding folks while they gathered food and materials in the forest, and helping with the new mine. There was a lot of talk over how to set up a candle-making workshop. The owl bears had quieted with the copious addition of food. The baby crawled around, exploring the new space while the mother glared at the father, who had taken a sudden interest in stonework, lighting, and dragging the baskets of food Kai left from the door to his silently angry mate before dashing out of reach.

Kai busied himself helping here and there where he could while trying and failing to hold back a sense of urgency that they really, really needed to get going on the whole making money thing so the dungeon didn't get taken from them. He was helping construct a table outside the mine when he felt a haptic buzz in the base of his skull that jerked him right out of his work. He whipped his head around, thinking someone had attacked him from behind, but no one was there. Then the buzzing came again, making him shiver. He noticed a blinking light in the corner of his vision and tried to turn to look at it, only for the red dot to move wherever his gaze did. Only when he tried to focus on the dot did a digital-like window pop up in his vision.

"Ahh!" He fell backward on to his butt.

Rocky and others in the room looked at him.

"Uhh…can any of you see this?"

Rocky cocked his head to the side, confused.

"Great. Just me." He focused on the words. It was like he had a heads-up display in his vision.

INTRUDER ALERT

His brain stem buzzed again. He wriggled and stood, upset. "What the hell, man? Did this place turn my head into a frickin' iPhone? Not cool!" He called out to the others, "Someone's coming into the dungeon! Be careful!" He dashed upstairs to the Admin Room as the others hurriedly made themselves scarce.

On the wall screen, a figure stood in the entrance to the first room, cautiously peering inside, and giving the floor a very suspicious study. It was human-sized, had mottled green-brown skin and an ugly face, a pot belly, and the worst — second worst — thin orange hair he'd ever seen. It was like a balding troll doll but way less cute. And it carried an axe of dark gray metal, making it dangerous.

Kai's jaw hit the floor. "Holy fantasy tropes, is that a goblin? Daaamn, that's way bigger than I thought they'd be. Or maybe it's an orc? Or…some kinda ninja turtle without a shell?" Too bad the magical dungeon didn't come with a monster manual.

The creature placed a tentative but purposeful foot on the floor where the pit trap was, but he hung onto the door frame at the same time, obviously testing the integrity of the stone in front of him and expecting the worst. When the pit opened, he nodded as if expecting that and did not fall in.

"Guess Slimy won't be tasting goblin today." Kai watched as the goblin took a couple of steps back, then ran and easily leaped the pit. Kai felt a twist in his gut. This guy seemed really dangerous.

Several smaller figures gingerly edged into view on the side of the screen, coming down the tunnel to the dungeon entrance. They were much smaller than the orange-haired warrior, female, and from the looks of things, several were heavily pregnant. This changed Kai's perspective immediately, and his sympathy rose to the fore. Maybe these goblins needed help. The kobolds had needed help, and they'd turned out to be good people. Maybe these goblins were the same, not at all like old stereotypes back home. Just because they weren't cute or cool-looking didn't mean they were bad people.

He almost opened the Admin door to the first floor so he could talk to them. After all, he would be safe behind the barrier. But at the last second, something told him that maybe he should act more cautiously. No sense revealing that the dungeon was magical just yet. So he scooted down to the second floor.

He quietly worked his way toward the main stairs, taking up a position with the bear and pit traps at the bottom of the stairs between him and the newcomers. He peered up the stairs and listened. His acute gremlin hearing easily picked out the sounds of people being helped across the pit trap above on the first floor. Kai cupped his hands around his mouth and called up the stairs, "Hey! Can you hear me?"

The sounds above halted. Moments later, the big goblin warily poked his head into the stairwell.

Kai felt suddenly nervous. The goblin was much bigger than he was. "Uh, hi. Welcome to the dungeon." That sounded generic. He would have to think up an actual name at some point. "Do you…come in peace?" He really couldn't figure out what to say.

The warrior above studied Kai with narrowed eyes. Then his gaze roamed the corridor. "Just you down there?"

Kai felt his excitement rise. This one, at least, seemed able to speak fluently in the same language. He smiled. "Oh no. There's more of us."

"This your place?"

"Yeah. It's home." How weird it was to say that. He used to live in a big, modern city. Now he inhabited a literal dungeon. With monsters. "We're not necessarily hostile. I mean, if you're cool, we're cool."

"Cool?"

Right, different sayings in different cultures. "We don't wanna fight if you don't wanna fight."

The goblin, Kai guessed it was a hobgoblin from the size, slowly nodded. "I see." He seemed to mull it over. Then he slid the axe into his belt and smiled wide. "Very well. Of course we don't want to fight. We're not violent people at all! Just a humble family looking for a new place to settle into."

Kai was relieved. He didn't want to fight either. "Good. Please, come on in." He waved the goblin down. "Oh! Wait. Hold on. There are traps. Hold on." He ran back to Admin and turned them off.

The goblin was at the foot of the stairs, the females hiding in the doorway above. He poked at the bear trap, flicking leaves away so he could examine it.

"Ok. All safe now. Well, the pit traps are off. You can jump over the bear trap. Just be careful. Um, do your family members need help?"

The goblin idly asked, "So you can turn traps on and off remotely, hmm?"

"Yeah."

"Interesting." He studied the ground on the other side of the bear trap. "There's another pit trap right there?"

"Yeah. But you can walk on it now." To prove it, Kai stepped onto the hatch, and it stayed in place.

The goblin nodded, casually interested. He looked over his shoulder and waved the others down. The goblin stepped forward, not bothering to help the women down or over the trap, despite the fact that they were more Kai's size and some were waddling and needed help. He had a confident, commanding air, the look of someone used to being in charge and successful. "So, there are more of you down here? What are you, by the way?"

"Me? Gremlin. Just one of me. We have a tribe of kobolds living here too. And a couple of slimes."

The goblin seemed amused. "Kobolds, huh?" He relaxed even more. He walked past Kai into the corridor, looking both ways at the rooms down the halls. "So this is your place? You and the kobolds?"

"Yep. We're still making it comfortable, but it's starting to take shape. I think it'll make a good home, place to keep people safe from adventurers or dangerous animals and stuff."

The goblin nodded in agreement, eyes everywhere. Finally, he turned to Kai with a big grin. "Excellent. And you have room for us? If you don't, I completely understand. But, as you can see, some of us are really in no shape to continue travelling. It would be a great help to settle down somewhere."

Kai watched the women working at helping each other over the bear trap. He hurried over to lend a hand. They were leery, but accepted it. He spoke as he helped a pregnant female goblin around the side of the trap. "Yeah. If you guys need a place to stay, the more the merrier." When the goblin woman gave him a tentative smile as she set foot on the safe floor again, he felt a bit lighter. He enjoyed helping folks. Once they were all on the second floor, he turned back to the evident leader. None of the others were close to his size.

The leader seemed quite pleased. He extended an arm down and gave Kai an apparently friendly poke in the arm. Maybe it was how goblins shook hands? "What's your name?"

"Kai."

"Kai. Great name. Strong. I like it. I'm Chief Thump."

"Um, nice to meet you." Should he poke back? He shouldn't; that would be weird. Unless he was expecting to be poked? No, better play it safe. No poking.

With a broad, toothy smile full of charm, Thump spread his hands wide and said, "This is gonna be great. Really great. What we have here is the makings of a beautiful friendship; I can tell. And this place, this dungeon? Beautiful. Amazing. Spectacular. You've done really well here. But I can just see the potential. This dungeon could be even better! We're gonna do great things together. I'm excited. This is gonna be the greatest dungeon ever."

And Kai grinned back, believing him and really excited about the future.

 

[TimBaril]

Relaxing, Thump looked around. "How about a tour? I'm really excited to see this place." With his confidence and quick adjustment to the situation, he exuded natural charisma.

Since Kai had a good feeling about the impressive goblin, he was excited to oblige. After all, their little dungeon was growing fast, and he was…well, a little proud of it. As soon as that thought happened upon him, he felt his little gremlin chest swell, his back straighten, and he smiled widely, not bothering to hide all his sharp teeth. "Yeah. Sure. Come on!" He waved the much taller and larger Thump to follow.

Thump looked at the other goblins and jerked his head to indicate they should come too.

As they were already on the second floor, it was the natural place to start. Earlier, Kai had finally put up wall sconces for lighting in the dungeon. He and the others might see ok in the dark, but this made it much nicer. The small torches were set in iron holders high on the walls and burned continuously with only the barest hint of heat and smoke, obviously magical. The firelight warmed the color of the uneven, gray stone blocks in the walls and floor.

The second floor had a dumbbell shape, with the stairs up and down in the middle. The secret private rooms, which matched the public rooms in size, could be accessed from a secret door in one side of the dumbbell shape. The kobolds had all vanished, likely hiding in the private section.

Kai led Chief Thump down the hall and proudly gestured to the first room. "As you can see, this floor is where our kobolds have been taking up residence. We're thinking of making these rooms the crafting area. Apparently, they're big on making candles. But they've also been creating lots of things, like beds and furniture. They're reallyhandy." Kai was genuinely impressed. He might have come from a more 'advanced' world, but he didn't have the slightest clue about how to weave a basket out of grass, let alone do anything even more complicated.

Thump slowly nodded but seemed to be suppressing disappointment. "Just, uh, grass beds, huh? Furniture made of branches? Not interested in building anything nicer?" He gave Kai an inquiring look.

Kai twinged with embarrassment. Apparently, this goblin was used to nicer living arrangements. "Oh, yeah, for sure. But, you know, we just haven't had time yet."

"Of course!" Thump quickly smiled again and patted Kai on the shoulder. "These things take time."

It felt weirdly good to experience the big chief's approval. As they descended to the third floor next, Kai girded himself and took a big breath. He knew there wasn't much to show, and the dungeon wasn't very impressive. He was suddenly kind of ashamed and tried, and failed, to suppress it. The third floor's rooms were all in a line. The first two were pretty bare because they were going to be used for processing ore, so there was nothing much to see. Then Kai saw the mine. His confidence rose. "Ah! We just opened a mine. The kobolds are all really excited about it." Rocky, especially, was over the moon still, and his enthusiasm was catching on with the younger kobolds who evidently hadn't experienced this part of kobold culture yet.

Thump's brows and interest rose. "Oh? Excellent! What are you mining? Gold? Gems?" He looked into the opening of the hole in the wall, but it barely went through the stone wall. He looked around as if confused.

Kai scratched his head, a nervous tic. "Uh, we don't know yet. Again, just started. But maybe there'll be gold! That would be cool." It would solve all his money problems! But he suspected life wasn't going to be that easy. Why would anyone make and sell dungeon cores that could generate their own wealth? It would be too easy to pay back the seller. Kai was probably going to have to find ways of making his own money.

Thump seemed to force his smile to return. "Sure. Who knows, right? Probably nothing worth mining for if you're just digging at random into the ground, but hey, sometimes people get lucky. This could be the perfect spot. We might be sitting on a fortune and not know it yet." It didn't sound like he believed this and was only being polite.

"I hope so!" Kai weakly laughed.

Thump smiled wider. "Just think of it, pulling all kinds of precious metals out of the ground. Diamonds as fat as your fist. Wouldn't that be great?"

"Definitely!"

"We could do great things with that kind of money. Really fill things out. Proper furniture."

Kai winced. Now that Thump was here to see the dungeon, he found himself wishing it was more impressive.

"Toilet?"

Kai jerked out of his thoughts. "Sorry?"

"Where's the toilet?" Thump pointed at one of the goblin females trailing them. "Pinky looks like she needs it."

Pinky was holding a beach ball belly with both hands and doing the universal peepee dance.

Kai grew anxious. "Oh. Actually…we haven't gotten around to making any yet."

Thump looked grossed out. "You don't have toilets?" He looked around with his lips curled back like he was expecting to find piles of poo lying all over.

Kai hurriedly assured him, "We do! I mean, there's the pit traps."

"Ugh. You're not serious."

Kai awkwardly chuckled. "Ha. No. Of course not. Um, we've been going up into the forest. You know, just for now, until we can build some facilities."

Thump school his face, or attempted to, but he wasn't entirely fooling Kai. "Ok. That's not very safe, is it? And it's bound to attract things. Let people know the dungeon is here."

Kai felt bad. "Yeah. I know." He hung his head. Desperate to explain and get the man's approval back, he rambled while gesturing with his hands, "It's just, the dungeon is still low level, and it doesn't come with any bathroom features or anything right now. I'm hoping that kind of thing becomes available soon; we just need to get more experience. Although, I haven't entirely figured out how to do that yet. But, you know," he tried to inject a positive tone, hopeful, "maybe if she goes upstairs with another person or two? To look out for each other while they're outside? I'm sure they'll be fine."

Thump gave him a strange look. Then his eyes swept the room. He took a few steps, walking all the way to the arch that led to the next room. Then he spun, and his eyes pierced Kai's. "Low level? Experience? Is this…a magical dungeon?"

Kai's mouth opened, but he froze before speaking. Too late, he realized that maybe he should have kept that a secret from the people he'd only met minutes earlier. His brain fumbled far too long with trying to come up with a response.

A slow, very pleased smile crept over Thump's lips. "It is! Excellent! Wonderful!" He let out a big belly full of laughter. Reaching out to the dungeon wall, he placed a thick hand on it. Nodding to himself, he looked around as if seeing everything in a new light. Then he turned, strode over to Kai, bent down, and took Kai's shoulders in both hands. "This is very exciting news! Congratulations."

Overwhelmed by the chief's sudden and intense enthusiasm, Kai blurted out, "Thanks." He experienced the oddest sensation, like he was suddenly basking in the approval of a teacher or father figure. He should be far too old for such things, yet here he was, feeling like a shy kid all of a sudden, and kind of pleased about the approval.

Thump straightened and clapped his hands once. "Very exciting. Very. This is tremendous. Kai, you're my hero. Have you thought of the possibilities?"

Kai hesitated. "Kinda? I mean, it's mostly been a struggle to survive so far."

"Oh sure, sure. Of course. But you've already grown the dungeon somewhat? Or was it like this when you found it?"

Kai probably should have been a lot more cautious, but he found the man's energy infectious. "No, I didn't find it. I bought it, actually. It was just this little cube thing. I planted it in the ground and, you know, things happened. I gained some experience points and the dungeon started levelling."

"What is it at now?"

"Five. So, five floors so far."

"Good, Good!" Thump strode out of the room and down the hall to the other side of Floor 2, all smiles.

Seeing Pinky really dancing now, Kai zipped over to her side. "Sorry! Um, you really have to go, huh?"

She nodded with pained eyes.

"You'll have to go upstairs again. Back outside. Maybe someone could go with you?" He looked around, realizing there were many more goblins than he'd realized. There were probably around fifteen, though only a handful were adults, and the rest were children. Frowning, he noticed that all the adults were women. The chief's harem? And these were all his kids? So that's what he meant by family looking for a home.

One of the women, or perhaps a child on the verge of adulthood, took Pinky's arm. She looked despondent and angry at the same time. Her voice was sullen when she said, "I'll take her."

Kai wasn't sure the girl was in the best headspace to be looking out for anyone else, but he wasn't sure of how to say something like that without offending, and they were gone quickly. He smiled at the other goblins and told them to make themselves at home before jogging over to the other room to catch up with Thump.

Thump was already on his way out, still looking pleased. He pointed his thumb at the stairs down. "Shall we see the next floor?"

"Of course!" Kai led the way down the stone steps. He was halfway down before he remembered that the floor was empty but for a few torches. Again, the four rooms on this floor were laid in a row. None of the doorways in the dungeon had doors aside from the secret ones leading to the private areas, so you could see all the way down through the rooms.

Thump did so, looked around as if puzzled, then looked Kai in the eyes. "Rather bare, isn't it?"

Kai once more felt embarrassed and not good enough. "Yeah." Then an idea hit and he brightened. "Actually, it's just that we've been growing so fast, we have more space than we know what to do with. But how would you guys like the fourth floor?"

Thump acted as if he hadn't thought of that. "Oh! That would be…good. Yes, it'll be a tight fit, and we'll have to go up four floors every time we need to use the toilet…"

Kai mentally kicked himself. Why hadn't he figured out the toilet thing yet? And why didn't the dungeon already have stuff like that? Honesty! Who programmed in spiked pit traps and artificial lighting, but not a place to do your smelly business?

The other goblins, filing slowly in behind Kai and Thump, were whispering to each other, everyone busy studying their surroundings, nobody fully relaxed. Everyone kind of had that tense look you see on folks when they're house shopping and walking around a home, looking at features, while the realtor is always — right there — and won't piss off so you can talk amongst yourselves and say how you really feel about the place. Though they were glancing Kai's way, none of the goblins but the very youngest were making eye contact with him, and none had dared speak so far. They were all very much followers and Thump the one to talk and decide things.

Thump wandered into the next room, found it was identical to the first, and returned. He flashed that winning smile. "This really is something, isn't it? Just remarkable. I've heard of magical dungeons, but never been in one myself. You know, when we left the Great Warren, I wasn't sure if we'd find something as nice as this to settle in quite so soon."

Kai felt his interest quicken. "Great Warren?"

Thump nodded. "It's the largest goblin community in the region."

"Oh. Is it a big place?"

"Tens of thousands. Not as big as some." He made a face and waved his hand. "Glad to be rid of the place."

"Why's that?"

Thump scoffed. "Too many small minds. They've completely taken over the place. Not a forward thinker in the bunch. They're all so focused on the past, on doing things the same old way. They're literally incapable of imagining anything better."

"Wow. That sounds, uh, difficult?"

"You have no idea! You know, I was a very influential person back in Great Warren, very influential. I had the ear of the most powerful, most well-known, the richest goblins. They listened to me, they all listen to me, they all want to know what Thump has to say, you know why? Because I understand things. I see the future. I have big dreams, the biggest, the best. I want a world ten times — a hundred times! — Better than what we have. I tried to talk to them, tried to show them, but do they care? No. Can't see anything. Small minds."

"Like, how?"

"Like this thing with the elves. You seen this? The elves."

"Uh, I've heard of them."

"Right, so the elves. Used to be so big and powerful, right? Very stuck-up people, really think a lot of themselves. Look down on everybody, right? And then these humans come along. You ever seen a human?"

"A..few."

"Right. So you know. You know humans. Big, scary, incredibly ugly, but they're powerful. They're warriors. You wouldn't want to have sex with any of them, they are seriously hideous, but you gotta respect the power, am I right? So these humans show up, and the elves, again, small minds. Conservative. Stuck in the past. What happens? They disrespect the humans. Act all superior. Stupid, right? Utter morons!"

Kai didn't know what to say, so he just nodded.

"So these elves try to get all high and mighty with the humans, but the humans aren't havin' it. They tell the elves what's what. But do the elves clue in? Nah. Morons. Absolute idiots. They go to war with the humans. What happens? They get their damn heads chopped off!" Thump laughed, a touch cruelly. "And not just by the soldiers. Humans, they got these people they call adventurers. They send them into the forest after the elves to collect ears. I tell you, you gotta respect that. They show absolutely no mercy. You fuck with them, they will fuck you right back. And then they will take your ears, cut 'em right off, make trophies out of them, so the next time you see them, the next time you get the dumb idea of pissin' off a superior power, hey," he mimicked holding up a necklace, "see these? Yeah, the ears of all your loved ones. Yeah? So maybe shut your hole."

Kai felt uncertain. Was he supposed to be proud of being human or not in this situation? Or…now that he was no longer human, should he just laugh the way the goblin was? It was very confusing.

"Anyway, so like I was saying, the goblins in Great Warren, they're kind of friendly with the elves. I mean, we trade, ok? Goblins are good at making stuff, great at it, but sometimes you want variety, you know, so we trade with the elves. So I says to the guys on the council, this is a great opportunity. The elves are in shambles. City burned to the ground. They're desperate! We need to take advantage of that. I mean, these guys been rippin' us off for centuries just because they can. But they don't have an army anymore. All their precious toys and magic — poof. Gone. I say it's time for goblins to stand up for ourselves, turn the sword around, do things on our terms for once. You know what they say? Those council guys?"

"…no?"

"No. Exactly. Still scared of the elves. I can't believe it. Golden opportunity right there and they can't find the cock and stones to go after it. Small minded. But you know what? Fine. That's fine. There's another opportunity on the table, an even bigger one. You know what that is?" Thump turned an expression of gleeful anticipation on Kai.

Kai swallowed and thought fast. "Trade with the humans?"

Thump slapped Kai on the back, nearly knocking him off his feet. "See! You get it!"

Kai flushed with pride as he steadied himself. He replied, eager to prove himself on the same page, "Actually, I just reached out to the humans in the nearest village. Started setting up a trade arrangement."

Thump was astonished. "No."

"Yeah."

The big goblin laughed again. "Ha! Look at you! See, this is what I'm talkin' about. You're a forward thinker too! I love that about you!" Thump shook his head. "You're nothing like those small minds back in Great Warren. Couldn't take them anymore. I mean, you try to help people, but you can only do so much. If they refuse to even think about anything better…"

"So, that's why you left?"

Thump became totally dismissive. "Yep. Had enough of that place. If you're not growing, you're dying. So I left. Only took my family, too, so I could start fresh. Didn't want any of their old ways of thinking contaminating all my plans. Boy, are they gonna regret it after they see all the great things." He flashed another smile, this time with lots of teeth. He put a hand around Kai's shoulders. Then he waved at the dungeon before them. "Just look at it. It might be plain right now, just an empty dungeon, but just imagine all it could be. Together, you with your…you know, and me with my vision, my leadership, my brains, we're gonna make this dungeon great. You hear me?"

"Yeah!"

"You said your name was Kai, right?"

"Right."

"Kai, you and me, gremlins and kobolds and goblins: an alliance for the ages. This place. We're gonna be a team those guys in Great Warren are totally jealous of. Us, the make a great dungeon alliance. Ha! That has a nice ring to it. Make a great dungeon alliance. MAGDA. I love it!"

Everyone is different. Kai was someone who was genuinely a decent person. As such, no matter how many times he'd been betrayed or hurt by others, he instinctively had faith in new people. He wanted to trust them. He wanted to have a good, productive relationship with them. It wasn't in him to react with skepticism or caution; when someone was enthusiastic to get to know him, Kai naturally responded in kind.

So Kai found himself standing taller and brimming with excited energy. He could see it. The two of them together. It was such a relief that he'd have someone to help grow the dungeon now. He'd been so nervous about doing it himself and so worried about failing. And then the whole payment debacle had happened. But now with Chief Thump on board, he'd surely help them find a way to pay off the thousand gold and help Kai grow the dungeon even more. Kai wouldn't have to be alone and constantly worried about screwing up now. He couldn't believe his good luck!

Matching the goblin's grin, Kai could hardly stand in place. "This is awesome. I'm so excited. If you're sure you want to stay, then I'll add you to the system."

Thump only hesitated a second in thought. "Yeah!"

"Yeah?"

"Let's do it!" Thump laughed. "Team MAGDA. I can't wait!"

 

[TimBaril]

Kai returned to the Admin Room alone to add the goblins to the dungeon roster. He was tremendously excited by the addition. He could have taken the secret exit on that floor, but instinctively went up the public stairs without thinking why. On the way up the stairs, he passed the two goblins coming back from using the outdoor toilet, aka, the smelly hole in the ground, gathering an increasing amount of flies and potentially worse undesirables.

The pregnant goblin had one hand on her ripe belly and the other on the wall as she tried to navigate the steps. The other goblin, in brown clothes, had the neatest combination of pale green skin and deep red hair. She also had some lovely jewelry made of flowers.

He complimented her as he squeezed past the pair, "I like your earrings."

The redhead distractedly turned her eyes on him for a brief couple of seconds, showing how haunted and full of pain they were, before looking away again. She didn't bother to respond.

Kai wondered what had hurt her so badly that she looked that way, but felt too uncomfortable to ask it of a stranger. Isn't that always the case? How often do we pass someone in pain, confused, upset, lost, lonely, or suffering in some way, and…keep on walking? If you saw an old woman weeping on a bus stop bench, would you pause to ask if she's ok? Or would you think it too weird to do so? If you saw a man crying and screaming at a tree in the park, would you feel concerned enough to interrupt him and ask him if you could help? Or would the thought scare you away? Kai fought with his shyness, but by the time he worked up even half the courage to talk to her, the women were gone. He sighed, disappointed in himself, and continued up the staircase.

In the Admin Room, Kai found the goblins on his console and added them as residents.



Goblins (12)



Twelve??? That number must include the unborn ones. Either that or there were goblins he hadn't noticed? Strange… A new message distracted him:



Dungeon Master

Level 6



"Yes! Passive XP for the win!" He could grow the dungeon by developing it instead of relying strictly on death. That was ideal. The supply of rotten people, even adventurers, was probably limited.

He paused at that thought.

Then he laughed, and laughed. He laughed so hard that a tear formed in one eye, and he wiped it away. "The supply of rotten people is limited. Ha! That's hilarious. Also, fuck those guys."

Level 6 provided all new dungeon-building options! Excited, he plunged into the menus looking for new additions because the system didn't provide an update list. His jaw dropped. "Finally!" Grinning, he placed a toilet in the Admin Room to see how it was.

It was a rectangular box made of rough, unfinished wood, the kind that might give you splinters in the worst places. A hole was cut in the top.

Kai's face screwed up. "That's it? That's not very impressive." He leaned over the toilet and looked down into the hole, expecting some kind of magical plumbing or bottomless pit. He frowned and exclaimed, "Seriously?!" Grabbing the box, he lifted it off the floor; it came away easily. Where it had been was a plain ceramic pail. "Seriously?! Just a pail? This is the product of a legendary magical dungeon? You suck!"

Grumbling, he put the toilet seat down again. At the console, he reconfigured the Admin Room so that it had a cubby for the toilet. He put a door on the cubby as well. Instant bathroom. In a very basic sense. But what would they do with the pails after filling them?

Kai stood there thinking hard about it for a while. Then a realization hit him: they had a whole new floor now. He made some changes on the console, linking Floors 5 and 6. Publicly, you'd have to go through Floor 5 to get to 6, but residents could safely use the private stairs. He placed some torch lights on the walls, but was in a hurry to get back to his new residents. To make them welcome, he placed a cistern, two toilets, and more lights on Floor 4. They could rearrange things later, but this would be a start.

Something caught his eye, and he leaned close to the console screen. "You can turn torches off by twisting them sideways. Ha! Cool." There was a secret button on each that allowed the sconces to turn on the wall.

Perusing, he found new traps. That was a relief. First there was a trip wire. Very basic but the system indicated that they would upgrade in time. Right now, they could only trip someone, but in the future, he'd probably be able to add effects like a bomb going off or poison darts coming out of the walls. So he hoped. He placed a bunch of trip wires around the dungeon. He wondered if they would annoy residents. He'd have to check.

The second new trap was just… "Evil." He cackled and rubbed his hands together. "I can't wait to see this one in play." He placed this one on Floor 4 as well. Some new decorative items showed up: bones, rocks, and wall pillars. That was something he'd play around with later. For now, he wanted to get back to the goblins. He ran back downstairs.

To his surprise, Kai found the kobolds had all come out of hiding. About half had mixed with the goblin females and were happily chatting away and cooing over babies or bulging stomachs. From the slightly bemused expressions, but general happy atmosphere, and the way they awkwardly replied to questions, the goblins seemed to understand a smattering of the kobold language. There was one exception, the red-headed young woman. She stood on her own, leaning on the stone wall, staring at nothing, cheeks damp. She seemed very lonely.

The other half of the kobolds, including Rush and Rocky, were in a semicircle in front of Thump, who confidently towered over them like a king holding court, his lips twisted into cocky smirk.

The sight of the kobolds looking up at Thump with near worship in their expressions nearly threw Kai for a loop. He slowed to a walk as he approached. The kobolds chattered away amongst themselves, and all seemed to be asking Thump questions at once. It looked like fan girls mobbing an idol after a concert. He was giving short answers, his attention bouncing from one kobold to the other because they were all speaking at once. Rocky was bouncing on his toes, eagerly trying to get Thump's attention.

When Rush noticed Kai, he broke from the group and hustled over. Excited, he repeatedly clapped Kai on the shoulder. "You make home?" He pointed to Thump.

"Make them residents? Yeah! I guess they're going to live here too."

"Good good!" Rush practically vibrated. When he looked at Thump, there was hero worship in his eyes.

Kai was slightly put out from everyone's enthusiasm, but wasn't sure why. "Everyone's very excited?" He gestured to the kobolds.

Rush looked at Kai like he was strange. "Of course!"

"Because they're goblins?"

Rush impatiently shook his head. "Look." He pointed at Thump.

Kai didn't get it. "Because he's really big?" Thump was at least double everyone else's height, more like three times, about the height of a short human man. He did have some muscles.

Rush gave Kai like a look like Kai should really know this. "Skin."

"His skin?"

"Green and brown."

"…yeah?"

"Brown!"

"Uh huh."

"Color change!"

"Right. Wait. Goblins change colour?"

"Yes! Can change!" Rush pointed at Thump. "Be stronger. Get…uh…"

"New skills? Powers?"

"Yes! New powers!"

"So brown goblins are more evolved. Brown is best?"

Rush looked uncertain. "Don't know. Some is other colour. Start green. Then brown. Then…yellow, orange…tomato?"

"Red?"

"Red!"

Kai was flabbergasted. Goblins evolved into different coloured versions, perhaps with different powers. That was awesome. Guess they weren't trash mobs in this world. Or if they started that way, they didn't have to stay that way. He wondered if they used the same levelling system that the humans seemed to have, or if it was different. Maybe it was even something biological. He was very curious. He made a mental note to ask Thump about it when he wasn't being mobbed by eager new fans. Speaking of…

Yellow Flowers was in the thick of the female group, animatedly talking and holding a baby goblin. She laughed at something someone said and noticed Kai. Handing the baby back, she excused herself and bustled over. She waved, looking excited to see him. "Kai!"

He couldn't help but smile and wave back. "Hi."

She took his hands in hers and squeezed. "Goblins live?"

He chuckled. "Yes. Their home too now."

Her smile widened, and she was too overcome with emotion to properly reply. After opening and closing her mouth twice without speaking, she just leaned in and hugged him instead. It was very nice. She patted him on the arm and bustled back over to the women.

Thump seemed to notice Kai for the first time. He raised a hand and called out, "There he is! Come over here, Kai!" He beckoned with a hearty wave.

With all eyes suddenly on him, and under the power of Thump's charm, Kai stood taller than ever. He strode over, trying not to feel silly at the attention. His cheeks heated, and he wondered if gremlins blushed. Hoping he wasn't, he eased his way through the kobold throng, who obligingly made way, many clapping him on the shoulders and back. In that brief moment, Kai felt like the man. It was a very rare experience, and he didn't mind it at all.

Thump reached out and swept him in close so that the two stood side by side, a team. "We all got the invitation to become residents just now, and everyone's accepted. On behalf of my entire family, thank you." He gave Kai a manly nod.

Kai's chest was so full of pride that it was in danger of bursting. He saw everyone looking at him and fumbled with a response. "It's great to have you guys. I hope we can all be great friends."

Thump roared, "We're gonna make a great dungeon. The best." He possessively kept his hand around Kai's shoulders. "The make a great dungeon alliance. Am I right? MAGDA! Who's with me? Huh? Who's with me?" He raised a fist and cheered at the kobolds.

The kobolds probably didn't really understand his words, but his closeness to Kai and his strong attitude were infectious. Rush, Rocky, and the rest of the males in the group quickly cheered right along. The women weren't as vocal, but most smiled and seemed pleased.

Over the next couple of days, the dungeon was awash with activity. The addition of toilets was met with mixed emotions, but generally with relief. It turned out that the dungeon could generate different versions, including one for users with tails, which was nice, once the kobolds learned how to use the box and pail apparatus. A couple of older kobolds grumbled about it being unnatural to use a toilet, likely having spent their entire lives squatting in the forest or a cave, but it was also a lot easier than taking multiple flights of stairs to get outside the dangerous forest every time your aging bladder needed relief. Between risking wyverns and predatory trees, denting your dignity by using a box with a hole in it was the lesser evil. As a bonus, the little rooms with the thick metal doors were soundproof. Many people were thrilled with this advancement.

Likewise, the ability to turn lights on and off cheered folks because now they could make sleeping rooms dark. Another big quality of life upgrade. Of the two traps, the trip wires, thankfully, were immaterial to residents. People just passed right through when walking. The second trap, nobody could trigger, so it, too, was ignored. But, boy, was it gonna be funny when some adventurers finally discovered it.

Thump was everywhere. A people-person, he was constantly talking with others, most often the male kobolds, but sometimes the women too. His family, he seemed to largely interact with behind closed doors. He could often be seen shaking hands, smiling and laughing, making jokes that everyone laughed at.

Overnight, he became the biggest personality in the dungeon. With it came leadership. It seemed like everyone, Kai included, was running up to him to get his input on just about everything, and even if they weren't, he was quick to step in and offer his own perspective. Just about everyone soon came to rely on his expertise, whether it was about where to place a bathroom, how they should arrange the mining area (something he was very invested in, along with Rocky and Rush), how to build more defences in the dungeon, like barricades, and how to organize people for everything. After all, he was Chief Thump, used to managing people. He moved with such confidence and authority, surely, he had to be good at it, right?

By necessity, because Kai was the only one who could use the dungeon system, he had to be involved in a lot of conversations where the dungeon was changed. When it came to putting the toilet room on each floor, Kai was there as Thump put deep thought into the matter before snapping his fingers and making quick, decisive decisions. He also had questions.

Thump stood in the mining room, brow furrowed as he thought hard about the situation. "Ok. Here's what I like. What if we put the entrance there? Can we move the entrance? Does the dungeon allow that?"

Kai, unsure, had to go upstairs and check. When he returned, he replied, "There seems to be a timer on it. It's too soon to move it right now."

"Hmm. Ok. I see. That's too bad." Thump rested his chin on his fist, thinking more. Soon enough he said, "Ok, here's what we do." Then explained how they should lay out the mining area.

To Kai, it seemed an odd way to do it because the workflow didn't seem like it would be smooth, but what did he know? He kept his mouth shut, and the kobolds, hanging on Thump's every decision, put the plan into action, building tables and baskets to hold ore.

After Kai had been up and down the stairs at least six times to check things through the system and make changes, Thump finally turned to Kai. "It must be such a pain going up and down like that."

Kai wince. "Yup. My legs are killing me. I've never done this many stairs in my life." He was going to have to introduce the technology of the elevator to this world soon. Maybe escalators in the private section.

Thump looked sympathetic. Then he appeared to have a sudden idea. "Oh. You know, maybe it would be more efficient to have more than one person using the console. Have you thought about that?"

Kai hesitated. "Uh, I think only I can use it?"

"But you're not sure."

"Well…"

"It's ok. It's fine. I mean, if you don't mind all that running up and down. And, you know, every time we have even a little issue, day or night, someone has to come find you, maybe wake you up, just to do any little thing."

"True…"

"You know, if you want, and I'm not saying you have to, but if you want, if you feel comfortable enough, if you think that you can trust me, if you can see that I have everyone's best interests at heart and would do a good job, you could, you know, add me to the system as well."

"Make…make you an admin?"

"Sure. You know. Only if you want. I mean, I get it, hey, maybe you don't trust me. That's fair. I get it."

"No! Of course, I trust you!"

Thump appeared humbled. "Thank you. That means a lot." In a very persuasive tone, he continued, "Well, if you think you can trust me, it should make things a lot easier, adding me to the system. I mean, we're a team, right?" He flashed that winning smile. "We're gonna make this dungeon great. Super great. We already are, aren't we?"

"Yeah!" It had felt like a very productive and communal two days. Kai still felt awkward about the idea of adding Thump to the system as an administrator. Was that really the right thing to do? Under the other man's kindly gaze, trusted by someone who was obviously so competent and amazing, Kai couldn't come up with any reason not to add him. If they were going to do this thing together, then it made sense to share the responsibility and access, right?

Kai led Thump upstairs, and the big hobgoblin patiently waited with his hands behind his back, calmly admiring the Admin Room from the doorway. Kai nervously went to the console and dove into the main settings. He was pretty sure that adding another role like his was impossible.

To his surprise, there was a similar secondary role to Administrator called Manager. "Oh! It looks like I can add you."

Thump's smile spread wider.

Kai clicked on Thump's image in the system and clicked ADD.