Esquestria: The House of the Sun - A pony cultist experience

[OurLadyOfWires]

To Comfort in Spite

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So, I read this more than once. Let me start by saying that I enjoyed it! This was really good, and Wolf jokes aside I don't think I would have sensed your "agony" over it if not for your last remarks.

But you did, and I re-read it, and if you permit me I'll make some comments of my own.

Now, please remember I am no "authority" in this subject. This is just what came to mind, or what I might have done different, as I re-read it the second and the third time.

First of all, this might be a bit of a "chicken and egg" situation. I can't tell if your discomfort caused this, or if this caused your discomfort. However, one of the things that I noticed in a reread was that... well, there's a bit of a styles clash? I am not sure how to call it, but there are things that could (or, as some who forget we write for free might say, "should") have been caught during the editing period.

Specifically, there are several words that are bolded but not colored.

That is a trick that I use as well. I write using Word, I bold the words I want to color, and I color them properly after pasting the text into the QQ forum box. And every now and then I miss words as well.

But, again, maybe this is what caused part of your discomfort with the final product. Or perhaps, this was caused by your discomfort. And is just evidence your mind "wasn't quite there" as you said.

Another thing in the same vein is that you mixed your "second/third person" writing. You start with second person:

You are Ashen Weaver.

Today, you were… not dreaming.

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Then you slip to third

Taking a moment to center himself and force in a calming breath, he exhaled slowly, the silence building around him until… something snapped into focus. He twitched, feeling… cold.

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Then you slip back to second.

So you walked in. You tried singing, and it was correct, but not right.

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But again, chicken and egg. Can't tell if this was a cause or an effect of your discomfort.

Another thing that came to mind was the "substance" of the story.

To put it simply, I don't think you went far enough with your vision. Let me explain.

You have been developing the story of Ashen Weaver. He is no longer a one-shot that exists in your mind, and you have been putting more than just a little thought into where this is all going. And as the updates (or omakes) compound, you stop seeing his story in flashes or pictures, and start piecing the images together into a sequence or a film. And that makes you notice things you can't see in a frozen picture, but that feels wrong as the story progresses.

So, let me say that... well, you just aren't explaining enough. I won't go into the semantics of whether this is "too much tell, not enough show" or whatever. I am not used to those kinds of discussions.

But as a reader, I must tell you that you have spent long enough making me want to know what is going on, and not enough time actually telling me what is going on. You have been doing good setup, but I (and maybe you) yearn for the delivery and satisfaction.

So, what IS going on with Ashen Weaver?

I ask this because, at one point of the story, I thought... I thought he was acting as an agent of Harmony, as a small example of a localized "chosen one" who learned of the Wolf and is being inspired to act against it. A pony in a world of cultists. But then you use too much lore coloring?

So, what does that mean? Is he using the Lores to fight the agony that stalks the world? But then why were Heart-Songs using Cadance Pink? Is this a Book Of Hours reference I entirely missed, or is this a hook that Harmony has some say in this matter?

And then there are the other questions. How did he learn about so many Lores? Why is a character who, apparently, is doing solo forays into the Mansus already knowledgeable about at least Winter and Heart (enough to intentionally invoke them), and making references to Edge, SH and Knock?

To be clear, again, I loved this story! And these are by no means attacks or harsh criticisms.

This is just, well, my opinion as a fellow writer. Because your very last comment made me think of an agony (no wolf-pun intended) that is familiar. That there is something about this story that is rubbing you off, and that you are fighting it rather than letting it write itself.
And what came to mind is exactly this: you are no longer writing jone-shots, you are weaving a story, and the body of the story as a whole feels disjointed so far. Which means you need to sit down and think a bit better about this.

You won't be happy with just writing a good scene anymore (which you can, and you do). You need it to have hooks, and hints for the future, and for it to make sense within the context of the worldbuilding and the grand arc that is in your mind.

So... congratulations I guess? You just reached the second Mark of your Ambition counter!
"Feed it and it will grow, ignore it and it will die" and all that. But be carefully, or you might end up like me, writing a huge fanfic about pastel horses for free on the internet.

Regardless, thank you for sharing this with us!

I think I'll stop this post here...

 

[Sveta08]

Now that I am less delightfully disoriented,.. About the Grail Sacrament. We have three options that some people are interested in. Pros and cons below.



Eat Spoiled Rich:
Pro: Action Economy, Nearly Available
Cons: Morally bankrupt, Broadly undeserved

Eat Velvet Hills
Pro: Narrative hooks, Expedition benefits,
Cons: Patricide, Unknown Fallout, Costs bits

Eat Random Criminal
Pro: Minimal Regret, Minimal Visibility
Cons: Opportunity Cost, Costs Ritual



There are other minor quibbles, but I think that's a bullet point list of the options.
PPersonally? Despite writing what I did, I am more partial to either Velvet Hills (that sweet sweet narrative arc) or a random criminal (Minimum problems)

 

[Nevermort]

That said, yeah, it would STILL be better to take a random psychopath instead.

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It is actually not clear to me why it would be the case. Mafia boss would certainly cause a larger number of deaths in the long run. Velvet not feeling conflicted about her deed is not positive, least she starts to justify further similar acts. "We want Velvet to eat pony and not feel bad about it" is dubious motivation.
And when it comes to generating more suspicion Velvet can literally walk through front door and investigators would conclude that it was changeling's revenge. Any paranormal abilities shown by Names would only reinforce such conclusion.

 

[OurLadyOfWires]

@OurLadyOfWires can we combine both options into third? For those who want to take both. It is fine if not, just wanted to ask.

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Nah. But more because this is how Mareinette wants to play this game.

Action and reaction. If you make the time to show her you are interested, she will make the time to stay closer to show her appreciation.

It's all just a game. Because the alternative is for this to be serious.

In Which the Child Will Devour the Sky

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This certainly hits closer to home. And I am glad that Velvet here is being honest about how this is wrong, regardless of how much sugar might be used to coat it.

Thank you for writing this! The Wolf-coloring is particularly tasteful for reasons I have not yet been able to invoke in the main story. But yes... it hit very close to home.

@OurLadyOfWires Once we've studied an artifact and you said we can probably sell them with free actions, have you already decided if the price is automatic and what it is? Also are the bits usable the same turn we sell it or the turn after?

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I think individual items have an "appraised cost" in your character sheet? I has been so long I don't remember. But yes, they should sell for that price, although I might change them later on if I feel they become too easy a source of bits.



By the way, one thing came to mind.

Didn't Rarity do commissions on Turns 20 and 18? And IIRC her career roll on Turn 19 was less than stellar, given how she went to an expedition with Axe.

I will have to confirm it later, don't have my note with me right now. But I'm pretty sure she will ask you to focus on her career this turn, for safety, or that she will be at risk if she fails her roll this turn. But unless I am mistaken, and don't remember her taking a career focus recently, I am pretty sure she will ask you not to do a commission this turn.

But she's a Minion, so it's up to you really.

That's all for now. I hope you are all doing well.

 

[Greymere]

By the way, one thing came to mind.

Didn't Rarity do commissions on Turns 20 and 18? And IIRC her career roll on Turn 19 was less than stellar, given how she went to an expedition with Axe.

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T18 - Focus
T19 - Commission
T20 - Expedition
T21 - Commission

Though I will say, it's kind of difficult to tell if a turn is "didn't focus and did well on work roll" vs. "didn't focus and didn't do well on work roll" considering you don't tell us if she succeeds or not

Not for commission turns obviously since those are auto-fails, but like on the expedition turn.

Anyway, I think what this means for your plan @ses is that either the reagent scrying is dropped and DoA + Mareinette(?) are sent, or someone has to run solo (which, would rather not tbh)?

 

[ses]

Rarity cannot possibly have failed her turn 20 roll, because she would have asked to work on her career for turn 21 if so

 

[OurLadyOfWires]

T18 - Focus
T19 - Commission
T20 - Expedition
T21 - Commission

Though I will say, it's kind of difficult to tell if a turn is "didn't focus and did well on work roll" vs. "didn't focus and didn't do well on work roll" considering you don't tell us if she succeeds or not

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Rarity cannot possibly have failed her turn 20 roll, because she would have asked to work on her career for turn 21 if so

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Yeah, you guys dont need to know about every little background roll. I like it when the world feels alive and characters have their own things going on without the MC's imput.

But to your point, ses, i check "the last three months".

So at the beginning of Turn 21 i looked at what Greymere just posted and saw the "Focus" on turn 18, so Rarity was all set.

But now, slide that counter one month forward, i am looking at two Commissionsand one "cant remember how much she rolled but dont remember it being good".

So, as promised, Rarity will give you a warning at the beginning of the followers phase. Which, despite all the planning so far, should be posted tomorrow or later.

But im just thinking out loud. Ill confirm it when i sit down to prepare the followers phase, which wont be today.

Edit:
Hehe, Forge goes BRRRRR on bits supplies

 

[Nevermort]

Maybe Cadance can hire her on more permanent basis. All those commissions could not be good for her mental health. Especially her separation from Velvet during them. And it is not like we will ease on her even if we let her recover next turn.

 

[Greymere]

Technically. Technically. We have one more button we can press for bits. I won't be happy about it, considering I was the one who advocated for buying it in the first place and it ended up being completely fucking redundant because we ended up meeting Biedde on the same fucking turn but. We could liquidate the Edge 3 artifact.

Edit: Tbh, while my mind's on the topic of artifacts, I'm kind of leaning toward passing on the Edge Sacrament this turn and instead just go a bit ham on searching for expedition sites. At best, they give us relevant-leveled books and artifacts. At worst, they give us manuscript fodder and artifacts that we can pass off to Jade to turn into more bits. Maybe we can find the Castle of the Two Sisters even.

 

[ses]

Isn't that artifact the reason Mareinette can autopass Incision? Well I guess that's what reagents are for

 

[Nevermort]

But to your point, ses, i check "the last three months".

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Also if we go by last three months window

T19 - Commission
T20 - Expedition
T21 - Commission
is the same as
T20 - Expedition
T21 - Commission
T22 – Commission

Technically. Technically. We have one more button we can press for bits. I won't be happy about it, considering I was the one who advocated for buying it in the first place and it ended up being completely redundant because we ended up meeting Biedde on the same fucking turn but. We could liquidate the Edge 3 artifact.

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It is also have get out of doomed fight function. Seriously, Velvet dying due to unwillingness to renegotiate contract with Needles( in worst case scenario) would be funny.

 

[Talon Tiger Dino]

Sarcasm. WE, we, as in Velvet
I want to see the result of the sacrament, and I believe that snubbing Our Lady and sending her off to room with our bestie is a bad and stupid thing to do.

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But it's not snubbing her. It's allowing her to continue making her current move in this game. And as I have said many times before, you can still do the Sacrament.

People ascribe a lot more impact to this vote than there is, when really it's a simple question: do you like scenes of Mareinette on the Velvet Estate more, or do you like scenes of Mareinette in Canterlot more? That should be the deciding factor here, because this vote does not affect Sacrament, and is only the smallest of steps in any relationship direction, per word of QM.

 

[Quaxotia]

[X] Cherenkolt

[X] (MAREINETTE) You introduced her to Cadance, yes, but you are still very interested in her endeavors.

 

[Nevermort]

You know, Rarity Commissions are useful but they become kind of problematic lately. I mean we failed to check on Rarity last time because to them. And we made contract with Needles long ago, when Velvet was still regular noble. I don't think that firing Rarity would go like Needles think it would go, if we visit them themselves or say send Mareinette.
We wanted some money making action for Mareinette, right? Renegotiating Rarity contract for better terms probably counts. We have Needle Pin in our contacts list so it is simple social call. I'd rather increase Rarity income over turns and deal away with Commissions entirely.

 

[Greymere]

You know, Rarity Commissions are useful but they become kind of problematic lately. I mean we failed to check on Rarity last time because to them. And we made contract with Needles long ago, when Velvet was still regular noble. I don't think that firing Rarity would go like Needles think it would go, if we visit them themselves or say send Mareinette.
We wanted some money making action for Mareinette, right? Renegotiating Rarity contract for better terms probably counts. We have Needle Pin in our contacts list so it is simple social call. I'd rather increase Rarity income over turns and deal away with Commissions entirely.

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Her income doesn't really have to do with the terms of her deal w/ the Needles, though, it's because we picked the slowest growth path by giving Rarity maximum creative freedom.

If we want Mareinette to do something to boost Rarity's income, she should probably just like, go around promoting Rarity's stuff to people.

I mean I guess maybe Rarity/Mareinette could negotiate a bigger cut of the profits or something, but I recall Bird saying before about how the noble families are getting a bit clingy w/ their assets due to the recent changes. So I don't know if that would go over well.

 

[Nevermort]

Her income doesn't really have to do with the terms of her deal w/ the Needles, though, it's because we picked the slowest growth path by giving Rarity maximum creative freedom.

If we want Mareinette to do something to boost Rarity's income, she should probably just like, go around promoting Rarity's stuff to people.

I mean I guess maybe Rarity/Mareinette could negotiate a bigger cut of the profits or something, but I recall Bird saying before about how the noble families are getting a bit clingy w/ their assets due to the recent changes. So I don't know if that would go over well.

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But there is no growth at all, is what I am saying. Granted we focused on making money, but it is not something that will change anytime soon, and I don't see any other way than talk with Needles and consider options available . If CS business mechanic taught me anything is that the only way to progress your career in speedy way is to send summoned abomination to your employer.

 

[Shaper47]

I have been warning about Rarity for a while now.

Increasing her skill would probably help as would a Forge influence if we are able to spare one or two in the future. Befriended Forge Name for the win right.

But what she really needs is time to focus on her work.

 

[Nevermort]

I have been warning about Rarity for a while now.

Increasing her skill would probably help as would a Forge influence if we are able to spare one or two in the future. Befriended Forge Name for the win right.

But what she really needs is time to focus on her work.

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Work itself is the problem, as she clearly overworks and miss opportunities while she is away. Switching to something more relaxing and/or stable may be for the better here. Or go even more famous.
She already got some reputation I imagine. But it is mostly mysterious reputation. As of now her name is hidden , but some event or public reveal can shake up things and bring in more bits.

 

[Pittauro]

Now that I am less delightfully disoriented,.. About the Grail Sacrament. We have three options that some people are interested in. Pros and cons below.



Eat Spoiled Rich:
Pro: Action Economy, Nearly Available
Cons: Morally bankrupt, Broadly undeserved

Eat Velvet Hills
Pro: Narrative hooks, Expedition benefits,
Cons: Patricide, Unknown Fallout, Costs bits

Eat Random Criminal
Pro: Minimal Regret, Minimal Visibility
Cons: Opportunity Cost, Costs Ritual



There are other minor quibbles, but I think that's a bullet point list of the options.
PPersonally? Despite writing what I did, I am more partial to either Velvet Hills (that sweet sweet narrative arc) or a random criminal (Minimum problems)

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That's the perfect way to put it.

I suppose you could add a mention of how option 2 and 3 require the prison, while option 1 doesn't, but that kinda fits under "action economy".

there's also IN THEORY a small chance of us not being ready for Moth Sacrament... but considering we're putting Moth book as the first priority with AT LEAST 2 study actions, if not 3, that's a negligible chance.

It is actually not clear to me why it would be the case. Mafia boss would certainly cause a larger number of deaths in the long run. Velvet not feeling conflicted about her deed is not positive, least she starts to justify further similar acts. "We want Velvet to eat pony and not feel bad about it" is dubious motivation.
And when it comes to generating more suspicion Velvet can literally walk through front door and investigators would conclude that it was changeling's revenge. Any paranormal abilities shown by Names would only reinforce such conclusion.

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Oh, I could give you two reasons actually.

The first one is that, again, killing someone close to you has a stronger effect on your psyche. Killing her father WILL affect Velvet more than killing someone she can just dismiss as "he's a serial killer, he deserves anything I can do to him".

The second is that... our father is organized crime. As a general rule, removing the leader of an organized crime group just creates infighting among the various followers that will fight for the new head title. Which means that often it actually causes MORE chaos and crime right after.

THAT SAID, the actual mafia boss is our uncle. Our father is the head of the family who ordered our UNCLE to do those things, so admittedly this consequence is probably reduced. We don't even know exactly what our uncle is doing with his organization before leaving for Biedde-unspecified reasons.

But really, most of it is that I don't really want Velvet to kill her father. EVEN if there's at least an argument he kind of deserves it.

This certainly hits closer to home. And I am glad that Velvet here is being honest about how this is wrong, regardless of how much sugar might be used to coat it.

Thank you for writing this! The Wolf-coloring is particularly tasteful for reasons I have not yet been able to invoke in the main story. But yes... it hit very close to home.

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Killing Velvet Hill is certainly wrong.

It's Velvet indulging in the worst parts of herself.

...But DAMN if it's not tempting. Far more than Spoiled, really.

With her it's not personal. It's a matter of convenience and using someone mildly distasteful because she's just there.

With a criminal it's a matter of internal compromise with our morality, a way to try to rationalize this way. We're STILL a good pony, or at least as good as we can afford to be. We used someone that even most of the bureau people would agree makes the world better by not being in it.

With our father, it's sadistic indulgence in the dish best served cold.

I think individual items have an "appraised cost" in your character sheet? I has been so long I don't remember. But yes, they should sell for that price, although I might change them later on if I feel they become too easy a source of bits.

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Oh, I didn't even notice it.

I remember you giving us prices for lvl 3 and lvl 1 (200 bits and 50 bits), and I guessed that the lvl 2 would be 100 bits.

And of course we pay double when ordering something specific from merchants (I still kind of regret that Edge 3 artifact for 400 BITS!)

Still, nice to know we more or less sell at the actual value and not like in many games where you sell half-off.

Then again Velvet has contacts, so she can sell to those who WOULD recognize the value I imagine. It's not a random pawn shop.

Yeah, you guys dont need to know about every little background roll. I like it when the world feels alive and characters have their own things going on without the MC's imput.

But to your point, ses, i check "the last three months".

So at the beginning of Turn 21 i looked at what Greymere just posted and saw the "Focus" on turn 18, so Rarity was all set.

But now, slide that counter one month forward, i am looking at two Commissionsand one "cant remember how much she rolled but dont remember it being good".

So, as promised, Rarity will give you a warning at the beginning of the followers phase. Which, despite all the planning so far, should be posted tomorrow or later.

But im just thinking out loud. Ill confirm it when i sit down to prepare the followers phase, which wont be today.

Edit:
Hehe, Forge goes BRRRRR on bits supplies

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Oh, I thought you checked basically EVERY 3 month, not "each month, the previous 3 months".

Basically I thought it was based on the "seasons", as if she's releasing a new lineup for fall-winter-spring-summer.

This changes things.

oh, and I asked before, @OurLadyOfWires how does asking Axe for Keys work? Before it was once in the three months of her summoning. Now does the countdown starts again from zero because she "resummoned" herself? If we DON'T ask for keys now, will the new 3 months cooldown start from our asking?


Basically, do we need to ask for Keys NOW for maximum efficiency?

Also if we go by last three months window

T19 - Commission
T20 - Expedition
T21 - Commission
is the same as
T20 - Expedition
T21 - Commission
T22 – Commission

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That's true. If the T20 turn was a good roll then we should still be fine if we use this method.

You know, Rarity Commissions are useful but they become kind of problematic lately. I mean we failed to check on Rarity last time because to them. And we made contract with Needles long ago, when Velvet was still regular noble. I don't think that firing Rarity would go like Needles think it would go, if we visit them themselves or say send Mareinette.
We wanted some money making action for Mareinette, right? Renegotiating Rarity contract for better terms probably counts. We have Needle Pin in our contacts list so it is simple social call. I'd rather increase Rarity income over turns and deal away with Commissions entirely.

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...You know, good point.

I mean, Rarity is MASSIVELY more important right now. She Made the dress for the WEDDING OF THE MILLENNIA after all. Renegotiating seems reasonable, and Velvet is also now one of the most important public figures in Equestria so the Needle have even MORE reason to keep us on their good side.

We could very well send Mareinette to renegotiate for us. If we go ourselves, it should of course be while we have a Grail influence active.

 

[Greymere]

But really, most of it is that I don't really want Velvet to kill her father. EVEN if there's at least an argument he kind of deserves it.

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I just think that, if we're going to be performing premeditated abduction and cannibalism, that doing it to Hills would be more narratively interesting than doing it on a target of convenience (Spoiled) or a random stranger. That's all, really.

Especially if we're also doing on a turn where Velvet sheds 'herself' to become the mask she wants to wear.

That we could probably also squeeze in some casual robbery to recoup our costs is just a bonus, really

 

[Pittauro]

I just think that, if we're going to be performing premeditated abduction and cannibalism, that doing it to Hills would be more narratively interesting than doing it on a target of convenience (Spoiled) or a random stranger. That's all, really.

Especially if we're also doing on a turn where Velvet sheds 'herself' to become the mask she wants to wear.

That we could probably also squeeze in some casual robbery to recoup our costs is just a bonus, really

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I'm not even denying it WOULD be more interesting.

Narratively speaking SPOILED is also more interesting than the Criminals.

Hill is personal. Spoiled is... not quite personal herself, but the consequences on her family would affect us a bit more directly.

A criminal would just be a line in a newspaper to Velvet, beside the horror of that one event.

Then again, The Wolf Ending would ALSO be interesting. All Regrettable Actions HAVE been interesting.

I'm trying to use different metrics than JUST interesting

 

[Sveta08]

I mean, Rarity is MASSIVELY more important right now. She Made the dress for the WEDDING OF THE MILLENNIA after all. Renegotiating seems reasonable, and Velvet is also now one of the most important public figures in Equestria so the Needle have even MORE reason to keep us on their good side.

We could very well send Mareinette to renegotiate for us. If we go ourselves, it should of course be while we have a Grail influence active.

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I think this is missing the problem. Or rather, what I thought the problem was.
It's stress. Not failing to maintain standards, but that this is pushing Rarity to her functional limits. It's not the Needles causing problems but the kinda stress that comes from having a client expecting the same service, quality, and skill given to the Dress of the Millennium.

And having that for two months out of three. Day in and day out.

I think renegotiation might earn extra bits? But... I don't think that's really the problem here.

 

[Spacemurica]

[X] Cherenkolt

[X] Rare Fabric

 

[Maer]

So, I read this more than once. Let me start by saying that I enjoyed it! This was really good, and Wolf jokes aside I don't think I would have sensed your "agony" over it if not for your last remarks.

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Thank you for this! I think I'll look over this… chapter, I guess? And I'll take your advice to heart. Honestly writing a longer fic wouldn't be unpleasant, and your advice is picking a couple sticking points that bothered me to mind. Thank you!

 

[Pittauro]

Thank you for this! I think I'll look over this… chapter, I guess? And I'll take your advice to heart. Honestly writing a longer fic wouldn't be unpleasant, and your advice is picking a couple sticking points that bothered me to mind. Thank you!

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if you do so keep in mind that it's relatively common for writers to post on multiple forums and websites.

I think I've seen the same fanfic on all of the following at times, for example: Sufficient Velocity, Spacebattles, Questionable Questing, Fanfiction.net, ArchiveofOurOwn, and for MLP stuff also fimfiction.net.

Oh, and considering you're writing multiple stories connected to the same characters, you might want to add links to previous / following stories in each threadmark maybe? It would make it easier for people to follow them.

Just a simple "previous" and "next" clickable to reach the next story

 

[Greymere]

Then again, The Wolf Ending would ALSO be interesting. All Regrettable Actions HAVE been interesting.

I'm trying to use different metrics than JUST interesting

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I suppose I just don't really agree with that. I wouldn't find the Wolf Ending interesting to read as part of the main story. "You tried but all you could manage was turning the world into a grimdark hellscape (but at least it's not Worms)" would be incredibly unpleasant to read as anything but a was-not. Same with the Regrettable Actions; sure their impacts are massive and certainly can come with style points, but I don't think "Velvet committing Regrettable Actions" is interesting in and of itself. In certain situations? Maybe. The was-not of Celestia being Wolf'd and needing a Regrettable Action to rescue Aine from the tar would be an example of a RA that I think would have been interesting to read. But going for the Wolf Sacraments, on the other hand, I don't find the idea of doing that interesting or narratively compelling.

 

[Cochimetl]

[x] Cherenkolt
[x] (MAREINETTE) Mareinette is her own mare, and Cadance could use some company. Don't do anything, and see how things turn out.

 

[Nevermort]

I mean, Rarity is MASSIVELY more important right now. She Made the dress for the WEDDING OF THE MILLENNIA after all. Renegotiating seems reasonable, and Velvet is also now one of the most important public figures in Equestria so the Needle have even MORE reason to keep us on their good side.

We could very well send Mareinette to renegotiate for us. If we go ourselves, it should of course be while we have a Grail influence active.

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Exactly.

I think this is missing the problem. Or rather, what I thought the problem was.
It's stress. Not failing to maintain standards, but that this is pushing Rarity to her functional limits. It's not the Needles causing problems but the kinda stress that comes from having a client expecting the same service, quality, and skill given to the Dress of the Millennium.

And having that for two months out of three. Day in and day out.

I think renegotiation might earn extra bits? But... I don't think that's really the problem here.

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Main goal of negotiations would be to deal away with comissions without losing our income. No commisions no stress.
Rarity current terms are follows.

Spoiler: Other votes

On Rarity's future:

[] Rarity's works are not about clothes, they are about ideas: Rarity will be asked to deliver anything and everything that she works on, and the Needle family will see what those latest pieces are best suited for. Her pieces will not have a specific theme or tone to them, at least not until everypony starts realizing their clothes all have the "Designs by Rarity" printed on their tags. (The slowest and steadiest option, and surely the one that will give Rarity the most freedom to work with, but it is much harder to make a name for yourself when you try to have that name written everywhere at the same time.)

[] Dame Rarity works best from her secluded boutique. The Velvets will make sure to relay her works to the Needles, though: Cut the problem from the bud, and invest in the image of a mysterious couturier who lives on an undisclosed location. (Rarity's common origins will remain unknown, and her eventual appearances will be all the more impactful because of it. She won't be living the dream anytime soon, though.)

[] All of it: We will make sure Dame Rarity has everything she needs. Your shops can just wait for the next line of clothes. (Costs 300 bits. The Needle family will have no influence, or claim of influence, over Rarity.



On the fruits picked in Canterlot:

[] Nopony in particular. But thanks to your uncle, you managed to… well, "clear your name" a little bit. (Lose the "She is a Velvet, though…" hidden malus. Yes, it will still apply for other encounters if you don't.)

[] You became a linchpin, around which every possible answer rotated. Not the map, not the world, not even Luna herself knew where she was… until you circled it with your feathered pen. Gain 1 scrap of SECRET HISTORIES Lore.

[] Nothing, you being here is not even kindness, it is the right thing to do. (This will cause you to get into Princess Celestia's notice).

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See the part about She won't be living the dream anytime soon, though. Better to do something about it. I think best outcome would be if Nobles started to come to her instead of her to Nobles. Then she would not be away for commissions and it would be less stressful overall. Perhaps if we convince Cadance to visit her Boutique few times it would give us desired effect.

Of course we are also still hiding her being commoner which was mentioned as one of the reasons she need to go away on commission.

If we want to maintain mystery we can offer her to live with her sister in Velvet mansion while still using Boutique as workplace. Maybe it would even spark rumors of her being Velvet Rarity. Also who is looking after Sweetie Belle while she is on comissions?

I think talking with Needle Pin would at least gives us options on what we can change and then we can adjust accordingly. As you can see first negotiation was not about bits. They were more about arrangements.

 

[Maer]

if you do so keep in mind that it's relatively common for writers to post on multiple forums and websites.


Just a simple "previous" and "next" clickable to reach the next story

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For the first: Would you enjoy that? Me making this a full on Fic as opposed to a string of Omakes tied into more of a side-Quest? I wouldn't mind, but I'd need to know it was something people would actually want.

For the second, I'm willing to do that. Next time I have the free time.

 

[Sveta08]

-snip

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As often I am a stickler for words and implications, I won't disagree with what is said here. But I will disagree on the problem you are trying to address.

This... The Problem isn't the Needles Contract. Sure, you can move it up so she's a more public figure and maybe advance but income there.
But the commissions were never part of the Needles Contract.

"… and we are willing to cover any breach-fines with the Needles. On top of your own commission. Whatever price it takes for your precious time is…?!"



It takes a long while for Rarity to remember about her breakfast.

And she doesn't dare read that letter again, or even touch it, until she can meet her more-business-savvy best friend.





Rarity is now able to "Take a Commission", accepting a private commission from a wealthy patron for an exclusive piece of clothing. To create another piece from the designer who clothed a Princess during her marriage.

When taking a commission, Rarity will be unavailable for the remainder of the turn, and will automatically fail her "career" roll for that month. However, Velvet Covers will immediately receive a large downpayment of at least 100 bits. (This downpayment is applied at the beginning of the turn that action is taken, rather than the usual end of turn). Performing this option is particularly taxing for Rarity.

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Relevant quotes.

Maybe you could finagle making Commissions part of the contract?
But they aren't right now. That's certain.