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Green Haired Greek In Brockton Bay (Worm CYOA v3)

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While I like the premise, right out of the gate there are problems with the constant pov shiftting in certain chapters making it borderline unreadable as well as the zalgo text drawling me out of the story
But the story itself is good just not the pov
 
Hey I really like it. I like the POV switches too because I really enjoy seeing things from other characters perspectives. Can't wait til Taylor fucks up with the command seals, just seems like something she'll do. I like the incomprehensible text thinkers get when looking at him, is it a case of being able to get some some details out of it by focusing more and dealing with the headaches ? Either way it's better than seeing nothing at all and Wayne better than working perfectly fine because it's such an out of context problem.

Cant wait for a fight between an Endbringer although that would be pretty hard to write I'd imagine. Someone high in the PRT so contessa is Able to see Achilles or just Taylor? Or just some data about them, that makes Taylor a Hero not mistaken for a villain and hopefully they keep away from the undersiders or at least don't not join up.

I'm glad that he's not just an SI with all Achilles powers without the memories and instincts to go with it.


Thanks for writing this it's been pretty enjoyable.
 
the guy said:
While I like the premise, right out of the gate there are problems with the constant pov shiftting in certain chapters making it borderline unreadable as well as the zalgo text drawling me out of the story
But the story itself is good just not the pov
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Don't worry about the POV switch, that was when I first started writing this story about two weeks ago. It won't happen too often afterwards unless it's an interlude or somewhere where it makes sense, like an EB fight or something.
 
JamesEye said:
Hey I really like it. I like the POV switches too because I really enjoy seeing things from other characters perspectives. Can't wait til Taylor fucks up with the command seals, just seems like something she'll do. I like the incomprehensible text thinkers get when looking at him, is it a case of being able to get some some details out of it by focusing more and dealing with the headaches ? Either way it's better than seeing nothing at all and Wayne better than working perfectly fine because it's such an out of context problem.

Cant wait for a fight between an Endbringer although that would be pretty hard to write I'd imagine. Someone high in the PRT so contessa is Able to see Achilles or just Taylor? Or just some data about them, that makes Taylor a Hero not mistaken for a villain and hopefully they keep away from the undersiders or at least don't not join up.

I'm glad that he's not just an SI with all Achilles powers without the memories and instincts to go with it.


Thanks for writing this it's been pretty enjoyable.
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Glad you enjoy it!

And yeah, she's the type to make ambiguous commands so that'll be a problem.

For Thinkers like Tattletale, they would only be able to gather information through people Achilles has talked to, like Taylor. But it won't be easy, she's gonna have to do some digging.

For People like Coil, as long as they don't focus on him, their powers will work just fine.

Yeah, someone Alexandria ordered Piggots to tell Armsmaster that he can't take the credit. Contessa can't see Achilles on PtV, but she can see Taylor on PtV.

Yeah, he's a servant with two sets of memories.
The SI memories and Achilles memories. SI personality was erased by the dominant personality(Achilles).
 
the guy said:
Hey im not saying a story from multiple veiwpoints is bad but I am saying swotching pov 7 times in one chapter Is
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Sorry I didn't mean to seem argumentative or directly rebut your comment. I agree that a POV switch every two paragraphs is too much as well. It doesn't really bother me though as long as I can follow the story and the POV isn't jumping backwards and forwards in time without notice. I liked it because I enjoy POVs but I don't really like seeing the same situation from a different POV taking up a whole chapter unless there are like 100k words even though that sound so greedy haha.

Ah thanks for having Achilles be the dominant personality. Much cooler for one and makes a better story without having the MC ooo and ahh at favourite characters and try to stick things to canon whilst having morality freak outs over inevitably killing someone or having someone die that was alive in Canon so it must be your fault and have a guilt party.

I read a popular Spider-Man SI in the avenger fic catergory that was great aside from those common moments, also includes the omg I'm not the real Spider-Man he would have do X so much better.

Can't wait for the eventual freak out when they find out who he is. The story you linked as inspiration ended on Piggot finding out and we never got any reaction chapters where they try to explain. No pressure to get there quickly and thanks for the chapter.
 
JamesEye said:
Can't wait for the eventual freak out when they find out who he is. The story you linked as inspiration ended on Piggot finding out and we never got any reaction chapters where they try to explain. No pressure to get there quickly and thanks for the chapter.
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Yeah, it's a shame that the fic I linked never got finished, but I'm planning on finishing this through. And don't worry, the reactions will happen eventually.
 
ScarletFlames said:
I wonder what he told her, and why she decided to respond publicly.. It looks as though he PM'd Dragon and she decided to respond in the open forum rather than in private.. Odd.
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My bad, I posted the unrevised version from my gdrive instead of crossposting the edited SV version. It should make more sense now.
 
There is that Canary story on nsfw with the 4 pregnant girls kept in a basement.

Anyway, back to this story. The tag says self insert?

The author has gone crazy and thinks his mother is a goddess. I feel for him, something...

CYOA wise, choosing a Servant power doesn't make you literally a servant to someone. That would mean you die when they do, and would be silly.
Plus the CYOA would have to modify another person to act as the Master, even though they lack mana circuits...or give them mana circuits...and then Bonesaw will need to chop them into bits to find out how the command seals work...are you trying to cause more sufffering?

And in Worm, everyone dies at the end. Well, 99.99% or so, if Scion feels merciful and suicides like in canon. But he might not suicide now, due to butterflies.
 
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