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How I Saved History (Fate/Grand Order SI)

Reader mode
Darkbeams11458 said:
Question, what did happen to Fou? Last I remember, Mash said something about Fou avoid SI and Galahad, did something happen in the intern, or is Fou still currently fucking off somewhere in Chaldea?
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EVA-Saiyajin said:
He left.
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Darkbeams11458 said:
Big oof, wonder why Fou didn't at-least stick around for Mashu?
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Fou left because because Charlie kind of destroyed his faith in humanity.

The reason he may have not stayed for Mash is because Galahad was piloting her body more than she was.
 
People are giving Charlie flack for suboptimal decisions, but I can't criticize him for being a human being. High-stress does not even to begin to describe his position - the literal survival of mankind is resting on his success, and he has reason to believe his reward for resolving the singularities will be his quiet disappearance into some mage's workshop. Meanwhile, he's trying to manage a team composed of some of the most diverse and headstrong personalities history has to offer. In short, shit's fucked and it's a miracle he's not a complete basket case.

Giving Gil the finger is also more interesting from a narrative perspective, and I haven't seen anyone try this track with Ishtar before - I'm eagerly awaiting the resulting train-wreck. Something is going to end in fire, at the least.
 
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And in addition --

Darko said:
And when that person basically tells you to do that useless work with no explanation as to why you need to do it, it isn't.
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So he'll do ANYTHING to save humanity ... as long as it's not boring and dull.
 
Darkenning said:
I'm forty-five years old. Says so right on my profile.
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Forty-five? Could've surprised me with how much of an ass you're being right now. Even if you have made some valid points, the thing is, you were still a massive dick to the author and a whole bunch of readers on this thread. Also, you triple-posted. That's in bad taste.
 
Rule 1 warning. Drop the attitude or else.
Quacking duck said:
Forty-five? Could've surprised me with how much of an ass you're being right now. Even if you have made some valid points, the thing is, you were still a massive dick to the author and a whole bunch of readers on this thread. Also, you triple-posted. That's in bad taste.
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The author's a piece of shit, likewise the readers. Also, de gustibus non disputandum est means that tastes cannot be argued, so your claim that my triple post is 'bad' means nothing.
 
I read your comment and laughed. You are just too easy.
Darkenning said:
The author's a piece of shit, likewise the readers.
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In a darkened room somewhere on Earth, a grown man, Darkenning, licks the cheeto dust from his meaty fingers and screeches at his computer screen. "ARRGGG," he wails, "I deliberately entered a thread full of things that I do not like, and now I am mad. How could this be happening to me?!!"
i-deliberatley-entered-a-thread-full-of-things-that-i-28308860.png

How am I supposed to believe you are a forty-five year old when you have shat up a perfectly good thread for three damned pages with your utter nonsense and tripe solely for the purpose of spiting every reader and the author himself? That's what angry teens whose mummies and daddies have never hugged them do, not grown men. Oh, wait, I apologise. All this time, I assumed that you were a man. I see now that you are a man-child. Go cry to your mummy for more tendies, why don't you. Oh, and by the by, why don't you cry to her that you're being told off by the mean internet people?

Darkenning said:
Also, de gustibus non disputandum est means that tastes cannot be argued, so your claim that my triple post is 'bad' means nothing.
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No, you dipshit. Double- and triple-posting strains server resources. That's why it's an punishable offense on many forums. Also, using latin doesn't make you smarter. It just makes you look like a complete and utter ponce. Shove your head up your arse and lick your own rectum you insufferable cumstain.

Also, taste may be subjective. But there are some things that can be mostly be said to be in bad taste, like insulting an author and shitting on everyone who is even slightly interested in the story. Oh wait. That's you.
 
Chapter 147
Of course, the minute we're out of Uruk, we book it. In hindsight, telling Gilgamesh, he of the mountainous ego, to go fuck himself may not have been my wisest move. Honestly, if I was thinking straight, I would have just gone out on the work assignment, and then booked it the minute I was out of sight of Uruk. No need to tip him off that I was leaving by shouting my plans at his right-hand woman.

But, thanks to my temper, we need to run. Which means I have to catch a ride on Bayard again.

God, I hate that horse. I didn't used to, but the week I spent riding through America behind Georgios left me with a Pavlovian loathing of horses in general. Just looking at one makes my balls hurt. But… needs must.

---​

We've been on the run for a day when the obvious question is finally asked.

We're sitting around the campfire, a hearty meal of charred Urdimmu roasting away on a spit, when Siegfried speaks up. "Master? While I am glad that you told Gilgamesh off, and that we have broken off from him, I'm afraid I must ask: Do you actually know where Ishtar is?"

I shift uncomfortably. "Ah, no. I was kind of hoping that Holmes knew."

"While I'm not sure, I would have to wager that she's at her temple on Mount Ebih," Holmes offers up, breaking his previous silence.

"Right then. So we approach her, and offer her the rest the gold we got from Nero in exchange for her helping us."

Everybody nods in agreement, or at least acceptance. It's a decent enough placeholder, as far as plans go.

Suddenly, Roman's hologram flickers to life. "Are we getting through?"

I nod.

"Right, so, there's a problem with the plan you just suggested."

I sigh. "What?"

"We already gave Ishtar all of our money."

"Ah- THAT WAS ALL OF OUR MONEY?"

"Well, yeah. We only had twenty-three cubits of gold left," Roman says. "Although I'm beginning to think that you weren't keeping track of our gold supplies. And maybe that you don't know how big a unit of measure a cubit is."

"I was mostly using it for dramatic effect," I admit sheepishly. "So, we're broke?"

"Completely."

"Shit," c'mon brain, it's planning time. "Wait, wait, wait. I have a plan B." If we can't appeal to the goddess' greed, then we'll exploit her other vices. I already appeal to her pride through my flattery of her, but what other vices does a goddess of war and fertility have?

I turn to Cu. "Cu, buddy, I'm gonna need you to take one for the team…"

"Not entirely sure I like where this is going…"

"…by seducing the Mesopotamian goddess of sex and violence."

He's silent for a moment.

"…I'm listening."

"Basically, we're going to set you up as a honeypot. We set you up, you hook up with her, and hopefully, when we move out to save Mesopotamia and resolve the Singularity, she'll tag along. She's capricious enough that it's a possibility, and, hopefully, she has a positive enough impression of us from that first donation and me buttering her up that she won't mind helping us out."

Everyone just stares at me for a few seconds.

Then, Roman breaks the silence. "This… seems a bit flimsy."

"Maybe, but I've seen the power she can bring to bear, and the power Gilgamesh can bring to bear too, for that matter. If they're on Uruk's side, then the fact that enemies still remain would indicate that the opposition is at least as strong. We need Ishtar if we're to have any hope of winning."

"He has a point," Medea says, drawing everyone's attention. "We need her on our side to stand a chance, and right now, the only thing we have to offer her that she might want is Chaldea's biggest manwhore. If any of you have a better idea, I'd be happy to hear it."

"To be fair," I interject. "Everyone who's ever slept with Ishtar has come to an untimely and messy end. If you don't want to do this, Cu, I'll understand."

"Eh, with my luck, a messy death was kinda inevitable. At least this way I get to sleep with a literal sex goddess."

And with that, Operation Doggy Style is born.

Roman immediately vetoes my name for it, but I'm still calling it that in my head.

---​

The basic plan is, well, a gamble. We send Cu on ahead to challenge her to a spar. Then, well, Cu was very insistent that we not overcomplicate things. Purportedly, his "mojo" will take care of the rest.

I guess tight, revealing spandex coupled with a fight that gets the blood pumping is a surefire recipe for seduction.

"This is going to backfire horribly," Galahad mutters.

"Don't worry," I say, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I have faith, if not in our luck, then in Cu's ability to get into anyone's pants. He'll pull through for us."

"And beginning to seriously question whether saving humanity is really worth anyone knowing that I was party to this," he grumbles."

"Oh, we're definitely scrubbing this one from the books," I assure him. "I don't want my name associated with this any more than you do."

Everyone breathes a sigh of relief at that.

"So, how're things going?" Roman asks.

"I'll check." I fire up the mental link. 'Cu? She take the bait?'

'Oh, she's definitely hooked at the moment,' he sends back.

'Really, dude?'

'Hey, considering what you wanted to call the op, I don't think you have a leg to stand on, here.'

'Fair enough. When can I expect you back?'

'An hour. Maybe two.'

'Right. I'll just… leave you to it, then.'

And I sever the mental link. "All right it worked. Now, anybody got a deck of cards? We're probably going to be here for a while."

---​

We've just managed to remember how to play Go Fish when the goddess Ishtar, looking a bit flushed and with her clothes conspicuously ruffled, graces us with her presence.

"Be grateful, Master of Chaldea!" she announces. "I have decided to accompany you."

"We are honored beyond words, milady," I say dutifully. "Truly, we would be blessed to have you with us as we strive to save all of Mesopotamia, including your most favored city."

"Save Uruk?" she asks incredulously. "Like I'd ever do that. If they want to reject me, then they can see how they fare without my help."

"Well if you don't want to depose Gilgamesh, that's your business."

"Wait, what?"

"Hm? Oh, I simply thought that, if you were the one to save them, they might realize the error of their ways, casting out Gilgamesh and reinstating your place as the supreme goddess of Uruk," I say, affecting nonchalance as I try to remember when you're supposed to say 'Go Fish.' "I thought that the idea of Gilgamesh booted out into the street as the cheering people of Uruk exalted you as you so rightly deserve might appeal to you."

She grabs me by the arm and pulls me to my feet.

"Milady?"

"C'mon. Let's go save Uruk."
 
Charles Flynn said:
"Eh, with my luck, a messy death was kinda inevitable. At least this way I get to sleep with a literal sex goddess."
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This? This is the kind of mindset of someone who's going to pronebone history to a gurgling stupor. Life suck balls, everybody dies and nothing really matters to the inevitable heat-death of the universe... But if you can be satisfied with some good wins- like, say, banging the sex goddess of Mesopotamia? Then at least you can say, with pride and happiness, that you had a good life.

I salute you, Cu, you fucking madlad.
 
Charles Flynn said:
manwhore
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I have to disagree with Medea on calling Cu this.

A whore is someone who sells themselves for profit, and while Cu is technically doing something similar now, before this he was more of a man slut or nymphomaniac, well satyriasis to be specific.

Basically someone who wants sex but is not doing it for profit.

Charles Flynn said:
mojo
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Now I'm wondering if Cu had some kind of magical seduction powers when he was alive.

His father was supposedly a fertility god, among other things, so it may be possible.

Then again it could be just the fact that he's extremely attractive and a powerful warrior that got the ladies, and maybe a few men, instead of magic seduction powers.
 
HelloThereItsMeGeralt said:
I REGRET EVERY MOMENT THINKING THAT THIS WILL BE ABANDONED. Even if it will be in future, this is enough.
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There will never be enough of this story.

I hope the author continues this story for years, like Zoat and With This Ring.

If he doesn't then I at least hope he writes other stories.
 
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