Legends: A Story of Monsters [Star vs. The Forces of Evil, Gravity Falls, Big Bad Beetleborgs]

[Cain The Wanderer]

Got a bit into writing Volume 11 lol, missed a few days here. That whole arc is going to be very heavy on Star vs. stuff, I love it. In the meantime, it's time for a big battle!

Fun fact, I use SRW Music sometimes for writing my fights, and I have a bunch of those songs assigned to characters.

= - = 10-7 = - =

|Biology is a Blast!|​

Drew wished he hadn't glanced at his phone when Sabrina excused herself to "powder her nose".

He saw the group message reassuring him that everything was fine despite the Magnavores acting up. But when he peeked out the door of Mr. Scott's office he could hear the commotion created by people sheltering in the store, while staff worked double-time to keep everyone calm.

If people in Santa Monica were freaking out, what was actually going on?

Looking at his phone, Drew sent a text to Janna.

Dr00:
Janna, is everything okay?

Janna Banana:
Really? Texting another baddie while on a date?

Drew grimaced.

Dr00:
Please, be serious! Is everything okay?!

It took a moment for Janna to answer.

Janna Banana:
Even if everything was going to hell here, which it's not, you need to be there to protect Tiny Deer. So don't even worry about it, and make sure that girl is safe.

Drew stared at the message, his expression softening at Janna's nickname for Sabrina, before his lips curled into a smile.

Dr00:
You're right. I'll sit tight over here and take care of her.

Janna answered almost instantly.

Janna Banana:
Sweet. Jo's already being a menace, and it looks like we're fighting Typhus with Tara as a special guest pack out. I'll send pics when we're done dog-walking these bitches.

Dr00:
Also… Mabel calling Sabrina a tiny deer really stuck with you, huh?

Janna Banana:
Well, is Mabel wrong?

Drew thought about that.

Dr00:
She's skittish, shy, and a little clumsy but… there's a lot more to Sabrina than just that. And I'm glad I'm learning more about her.

Janna Banana:


Drew chuckled.

Dr00:
I want to learn more about you, too.

Janna Banana:
You'll solve my mysteries soon enough, but don't go buttering me up while you're still on a date, Sad Kid.

Drew paled slightly and let out a sigh. She was right.

Dr00:
You're right. Be safe, all of you.

Janna Banana:
Bet.

The door opened and Sabrina slipped back into the room, looking nervous. "I heard that the Magnavores are attacking again. I hope everyone back in town is all right."

Drew held up his phone. "I just got a text about it, actually. It sounds like the Beetleborgs have everything handled."

Sabrina relaxed and sat back down with him. "I'm glad."

She then looked at him. "You're like… the biggest Beetleborg fan, right? How do you even feel about them actually running around fighting monsters for real?"

Drew stared at her, blinking, as he struggled to find his answer for a moment.

"Honestly? I was really worried at first. But now…?" he said with full sincerity.

"I think it's pretty cool."

@@@@@​

Looking back at the pursuing Major Blast II, Typhus chuckled as he realized she wasn't shooting at him anymore. She had clearly spotted the Beetle Battle Base, and that was much more important.

"Hook, line, and sinker, baby!" he declared before the Green Hunter AV fired on him from below and the Red Striker AV bombarded him from above. The criss-crossing bolts lanced through the Jet Fighter and lashed across Typhus's body.

Behind him, Tara gave a start at the immediate violence and brutality of the Beetleborgs' attacks. "Not even hesitating…?"

Explosions rippled across the Jet Fighter as streams of smoke poured from it, and the craft plummeted toward the middle of the vineyard that surrounded the mansion. Struggling to climb, the craft lost power and came down with a violent crash on the path leading to the house.

The fighter burst into a great cloud of dust. The millions of mechanical wasps that made it up—just like the Scabs—shut down and crumbled away all at once.

The roiling dust cloud rolled down the path, and from it Typhus emerged in a purposeful stride—hand gripping his shotgun-sword, green cape blowing in front of him over his right shoulder, and jewelry gleaming in the afternoon sunlight.

Directly in front of him, just outside Hillhurst Marco, Jackie, and Star glowered at him from their perches on the Green Hunter AV.

Mabel cheerfully waved.

The barrels of the Hunter AV's blasters swiveled to aim at him.

Typhus chuckled at the greeting. "Ay, what's happenin', baby?"

Star's cheek marks turned to skulls. "I swear to glob…"

The roar of thrusters filled the air before Major Blast II crashed to the ground in a crouch with such force that the dust cloud that had once been the Jet Fighter was blown away in every direction.

Slowly Major Blast II rose to her feet, and pointed her left beam cannon at Typhus.

"You…" she said, before aiming her right beam cannon at the Hunter AV and the teens perched on it. "… All of you…"

She smiled widely.

"Are under arrest!"

Down in the Beetle Battle Base, Kelly was trying to hold in her anger. Seeing Tara out there up close and not a chaos missile hurtling across the sky dug up painful memories.

"This is what four years of getting everything you want does to you, isn't it?!" she seethed. "Flying around, doing all the damage you want, and then talking about delinquent vigilantes stirring chaos?!"

Kelly shook her head. "And now you pull up, acting so smug, after everything you just did?!"

She wanted to go out there and punch Tara herself!

Janna put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, chill newbie. It's gonna be okay."

Kelly looked at her. "But you aren't even allowed to fight her! She's still a cop!"

Janna huffed through her nose. "Eh, we'll figure something out."

Jo radioed in as the Striker AV circled over the mansion. "Hey, I've got intel to pass along before crap pops off!"

"Ja, you're connected!" Misao said.

Back outside, Marco glared at Tara before he called her out. "Hey, Tara! You here to try to deport him, too?!"

Tara looked at Marco, then trained her beam cannon on him. "That fancy lawyer isn't going to save you now—I've got you all pinned to the wall!"

She tilted her chin up slightly. "And if you resist? Well, that just makes my job more fun!"

Marco shrugged. "You say that now."

He gestured to Typhus. "But ask this guy how we do things around here."

Tara narrowed her eyes at Marco before shifting her gaze to Typhus as he turned to her and swept his cape behind him.

"Heh… yeah, these kids love the fade, and don't even run the ones! They don't make 'em like they used to, and I love it!"

Tara laughed. "You have the right to remain silent, freak. I suggest you exercise it."

Typhus chuckled back. "I know my rights—but I prefer my lefts, baby."

The cannon pointed at Typhus began to charge. "Lefts? What are you talking about, you cosplaying weir–?"

In the next instant, Typhus bore down on Tara, the red racing up his gnarled left arm and spreading across his chest as he swung for Major Blast II's glass dome helmet.

On the other side of that glass, Tara's eyes went wide at how fast Typhus went from standing still to swinging on her.

All of Major Blast II's thrusters in her backpack and on the back of her legs swiveled and fired at once, sending her rocketing sideways out of the way.

As soon as she was clear, Marco and Mabel jumped off the Hunter AV's scissors as Hunterborg opened fire on Typhus.

The bolts crashed into Typhus' back, sending him stumbling forward. But the Synthetic Beast General was laughing as he staggered with each blast.

"Awwww YEAH!" He shouted as he turned to face his attacker. "This is what I'm talkin' about! WE DON'T DO THEM FAIR ONES!"

The second he did, Star was in mid-leap, swinging her wand like a hammer.

"RAINBOW ROCKET PUNCH!"

The wand created a sphere of energy around its bell that coalesced into the form of a Super Robot's right fist and forearm. A jet of rainbow-colored flame erupted from the back of the forearm, whipping Star into a high-speed spin before she smashed Typhus across the face and slammed him into the ground.

Typhus tumbled end over end, crashing into the start of a trellis row. Just as quickly, he rose—only for Jackie's spear to slash diagonally across his chest before he could fully straighten.

"Appreciate the glaze, dude!" Jackie said as she spun the spear over her head to bring it in a downward slash.

Planting the tip of the spear in the ground, she vaulted up, swung herself around it, and heel-kicked Typhus in his jaw.

The blow turned his whole body to his left, where he saw Star swinging a second Rainbow Rocket Punch down low, then into an uppercut that connected with his chin and launched him off the ground flipping end over end.

"But that doesn't make it sweet!" she called out.

He was intercepted in mid-air by Marco's favorite spinning back kick, which launched him between two trellis rows. "Thanks for the review, though!"

As he slid to a stop on his back, Mabel ran him down—jumping and using all of her weight to stomp on his head with both feet.

"And enjoy this complimentary five-star butt-kicking!" she taunted before she jumped off him.

As soon as she landed, Typhus flipped himself over, dug his left hand's claws into the ground, and lunged at her. "You ain't gotta say it twice!"

The Green Hunterborg burst through the trellis on Typhus's left, the Hunter Claw closing around his head. "Back up off my big homie, cuh!"

The two became a racing blur as Hunterborg barreled through the vineyard, using Typhus as a ram to smash through trellis after trellis before they reached the end of the back row. A second after that, Hunterborg was knocked flying back to the main path to the mansion, but recovered in mid-air and landed.

Typhus charged, swinging down the shotgun-sword, only for his blade to be parried by an upward swing of the Hunter Claw. Catching himself, Typhus went on the offensive and the two began crossing their unorthodox blades again and again with great showers of sparks.

As the two brawled, Marco, Star, Jackie, and Mabel moved to reposition themselves. To their right, Major Blast II stood among the vines on the opposite side of the path, watching Hunterborg and Typhus brawl in shaken confusion.

"What was that…? That freak just…"

The fight had started so fast! Typhus went from one-liner to trying to take her head off without even warning her to prepare herself!

She watched the monster battle the green Beetleborg, and realized that he was keeping pace with Typhus.

That could be hand-waved—but the rest of these brats being able to land hits on something that moved like him, too?!

"Are they actually…?" Tara stopped and shook her head. "Focus, Tara! This is your chance!"

When Typhus swung again, Hunterborg zipped around his flank, slashing across his stomach as he passed before raking the Hunter Claw across his lower back.

With a laugh, Typhus turned around to fire the shotgun-sword at Hunterborg, but Jackie's spear came down more like a hammer, catching and forcing the weapon down before she vaulted into a flying kick to the side of Typhus's head.

"Laser Beam Blast!" Star shouted, her spell passing just behind Jackie to hit and push Typhus up the path. Mabel ran along the left side of the spell and Marco on the right toward Typhus.

As soon as the spell ended, Typhus swung at both Marco and Mabel to carve clean through both—but they jumped above the slash.

"HEEEYAH!" Marco drove a kick into the side of Typhus's head, and he was knocked into the path of a haymaker blow from Mabel that knocked him off his feet.

"Mess him up!" Mabel shouted as Jackie dashed wide around her back.

Jackie turned on a dime, and streaked forward to drive her spear straight through his chest.

As Typhus staggered backward and reached for the spear with his free hand, Jackie released the shaft before she, Marco, and Mabel descended upon him. They struck from different directions and angles, landing sharp kicks, stinging chops, and thunderous punches when they weren't avoiding his wild counterattacks and attempts to break out of the dust-up.

Mabel's longer reach, especially with her kicks, allowed Marco and Jackie plenty of room to dip in and out between the taller girl's strikes.

Despite the withering assault, Typhus was still having the time of his life. "Y'all kids ain't never a dull time, baby!"

When Mabel connected an elbow to his face and Jackie darted in to attack, Typhus turned away to swing the shotgun-sword down on her. The Hunter Claw caught his arm before Hunterborg stepped in and shot Typhus repeatedly in the face with the Input Magnum in his free hand.

A magenta glow at the edges of their vision was the only warning they got, but Marco, Jackie, Mabel, and Hunterborg scattered all the same when Major Blast II opened fire on Typhus with both beam cannons—the large beam completely enveloping him.

"Looks like she rebooted," Marco said sharply after he landed.

"That's enough!" Tara shouted as the beam faded. "Cease your fighting immediately!"

"And loaded a save state right back into her bullcrap," Janna chimed in via Hunterborg's audio output.

"Hey, you could've hit us, you know!" Mabel shouted at her.

"And you would've deserved it!" Tara snapped back, as she pointed her beam cannons in their direction.

"You… all you are… are chaotic… violent little maniacs who think that because you have fancy toys, or can throw some punches, that you're actual heroes. Well guess what?! You brats aren't the heroes, here, I am!"

Star called over to her. "Lady, we're trying to fight a monster here! This isn't a popularity contest!"

"It IS a popularity contest, you idiots! And I didn't fight tooth and nail to become Los Angeles' greatest hero to have you UPSTARTS act all high and mighty!"

Dipper, Misao, and Janna stared in disbelief at the screen showing the feed outside.

"Was?" Misao asked in a stunned voice.

"Is… is this all this is to her?" Dipper asked.

Kelly—who had seen this all before—nodded slowly. "Yeah… this is why her crap sucks so much. Everything she's done? The people she's hurt? All Tara wants… is to be popular."

She looked down, seeming almost exhausted. "… And that's because when she was SheZow's sidekick… her actual superpower… was gross."

Dipper turned to her. "Actually… people have mentioned Tara being SheZow's sidekick before she sold out… but… what was gross about her?"

Kelly gave him a side-eye. "Do you remember hearing about a hero from back in the day who used to team up with SheZow… 'Snot Girl?'"

Dipper's eyes widened in recognition and disbelief as he turned back to Major Blast II on the screen.

"… No way!"

Janna snorted. "Oh, that makes all the sense, now."

Tara began to charge her cannons. "Now… move aside, get on your knees and put your hands behind your heads…"

She turned her attention to Typhus, who was regenerating his wounds from her attack. "And leave this freak for a real hero to handle."

Hunterborg stepped forward, ready to dash in and attack Typhus—before he stopped and let out a grunt.

"You know what? You got this, cuh."

He moved over toward Star. "We'll be right over here."

Jackie frowned and walked over to join Star—with Mabel and Marco following them.

"We're not actually–" Marco said.

Hunterborg looked at him. "Jo's been feeding intel, we need to strategize about how we deal with Tara when we deal with Tara."

Star nodded as the others reached her. "Ahhh! I see!"

Ripping out the remains of Jackie's spear, Typhus tossed it aside and chuckled as he closed and opened his clawed left hand. "You're a real prima donna, but that's okay! I gotta run it back for Noxic, baby!"

Tara aimed her left cannon at Typhus. At this distance, she'd have time to react if he dashed for her."I'll send you to hell to join your robot friend!"

Typhus lifted his shotgun-sword as Tara fired, his own weapon's blast colliding with it and creating a large explosion that buffeted Hunterborg and the others.

Major Blast II blasted into the air as Typhus scattered the dust cloud with his charge and swung for where she'd stood.

As he looked back and up at her, she fired off a barrage of magenta energy bolts that struck him and the ground around him in a cluster of explosions.

"Heh, unlike those brats, I can fly!" Tara taunted before she threw her arms outward, charged up a longer burst, and brought them together to unleash a full-output blast. "And you can't, freak!"

Typhus charged out from under the blast and beneath Major Blast II as her attack cut through the vineyard behind him.

Aiming the shotgun-sword skyward, he fired off scattering energy blasts that crashed against a half-sphere barrier that Major Blast II summoned beneath her.

"And your attacks are weak at this range, too!" Typhus fired a concentrated beam up at the barrier, only for it to splash harmlessly across its surface. "SEE?!"

"Jara's gonna love fighting this lady," Typhus said as he leaped to escape Major Blast II's return fire.

@@@@@​

The explosions and rumbling from outside drew Count Fangula to the front of Hillhurst Mansion, and he sighed in agitation.

"It's the middle of the day!" he whined when he found Mums and Frankenbeans were watching the TV. "What are those kids doing now?"

Mums gestured to the TV with a nonchalant grunt. On it was a live feed of Typhus and Major Blast II trading energy blasts just outside. A familiar voice was providing color commentary for the battle.

"Oh, and Typhus is on the run! Major Blast II is taking every bit of her altitude and defensive advantage to completely negate any strength he has!" Flabber excitedly narrated like he was covering a football game.

The Blue Pipe-ette chimed in as Typhus unleashed another, stronger beam blast from his shotgun-sword, but a more complete sphere barrier around Tara stopped it.

"It's hard to believe that just minutes ago, Typhus had this one shook with his sheer explosive power!" As she spoke, the action on-screen shifted to a split screen. In the new window, Typhus's opening punch played once, rewound, and played again.

Mums gestured dismissively at the screen. "How's this exciting? She's just up there taking potshots and talking crap!"

The Red Pipe-ette agreed as she spoke from the TV. "And what crap it is, Mums! Let's get some live audio right now!"

"Ha-ha! You can't touch me from all down there without your precious hunk of junk jets, huh, you ugly freak?! You're useless! You're worse than useless! All you're good for is being a punching bag for brats!"

The Green Pipe-ette then joined in. "Riveting stuff, we now go to the 'LIVE Teenagers With Attitude REACTION' cam!"

The instant replay window switched to a live shot of Marco, Star, Jackie, Mabel, and Hunterborg huddled off to the side, all looking fairly disgusted with Tara's antics.

Mums was right there with them. "How can anyone live with such hate in their heart?"

The Red Pipe-ette replied. "You hated those kids just as much before last week!"

"Well, the mermaid girl didn't hook us up with that premium zaza before last week!" Mums countered.

"Mean green lady sounds like Karen," Frankenbeans said glumly. "She needs manager."

Mums looked at Frankenbeans in surprise, then turned to Fangula. "Who taught him that word?"

Fangula cleared his throat and looked aside.

The Green Pipe-ette ratted him out. "Fangy's been watching Karen crashouts on YouTube and letting Frankie watch."

Mums was furious. "You know he shouldn't be watching that, it's a bad influence!"

"Coming from Mums, though…?" The Blue Pipe-ette asked.

Flabber appeared behind his "Hillhurst News Network" desk as the battle continued in a window to his left. Typhus was on the run, fleeing toward the far edge of the vineyard to a large boulder he dove behind. "Boys and ghouls, it looks like this battle is about to get crazy! Officials are calling foul!"

Outside, as Typhus took cover, Tara had received an urgent priority call directly to her suit.

"Who's calling me on my hotline?!" she snapped before she answered the call. "This is Bouger, I'm busy!"

"Bouger! What in god's name do you think you're doing?!" Detective Bishop yelled at her with an intensity she didn't expect.

Tara immediately did not like his tone. "What I'm doing is saving your town, Detective! Who do you think YOU are talking to me like that?!"

Down in Echo Creek, Detective Bishop was on his phone in the passenger seat of his unmarked cruiser, and Detective Hashimoto was behind the wheel as they led a wailing procession of emergency vehicles toward Hillhurst Mansion. "I'm Lead Detective, and you blew up part of my town showboating like an idiot!"

Tara looked at the call window projected on the inside of her dome, indignant. "Showboating?! I'm doing what I need to do to protect this city!"

"You could've hurt people, killed people with your recklessness!" Detective Bishop argued.

Punching into the boulder all the way to his left elbow, Typhus let out a sinister chuckle as the rest of his arm turned red—the color spreading across his chest, down to his knees, and into his other arm as he began to pull the multi-ton rock out of the ground.

"The only thing that matters is that I put these freaks away! And as long as I do that, you people will thank me later!"

The boulder came off the ground, and with a growl that turned into a roar, he spun around and threw the entire rock up at Tara.

The feat of strength surprised the kids. Typhus was strong, but they didn't realize he was capable of this!

As it hurtled toward her, Tara sneered dismissively. "Get with the program. Lead Detective! I'm Major Blast!"

Charging her right cannon, she fired a continuous beam she used to slice the boulder in half. "AND I AM LA'S GREATEST HERO!"

Right behind the splitting boulder, Typhus hurtled at Major Blast II in an arc. His left arm and torso completely red, he swung a thunderous punch down onto Tara's dome barrier directly over her head.

The sky lit up in a flash, Bolts of magenta energy surged from the barrier, arcing through the air and down to the ground like lightning. They ripped through and ignited the ravaged trellises and carved black scorch marks through the dusty ground.

When they passed close to Hunterborg and the others as they ducked down, Star's cheeks lit up unexpectedly.

"Huh!" Star looked up in surprise. "What the hey?!"

In the Beetle Battle Base, Dipper, Misao, and Janna watched Typhus's tactical maneuver in surprise.

Kelly was outright stunned. "Wow… these guys are crazy! Guy would love to fight them."

Tara cackled at Typhus. "You mindless, musclebound brute! You left yourself wide open!"

Several hexagons of her barrier disappeared as Tara aimed up at Typhus…

Only for him to shove the shotgun-sword in his right hand through the gap.

Tara's eyes flew wide as the barrel of the shotgun-sword pressed against her chest armor. "What?!"

Typhus laughed. "Just because I'm the Big Man don't mean I ain't slick, baby!"

He fired at point-blank range, the blast creating an explosion that blew the barrier apart and sent Major Blast II hurtling toward the ground.

The two halves of the boulder slammed into the dusty, burning ground of the vineyard, creating wide, deep craters. Major Blast II crashed down next, bouncing and tumbling backward with smoke trailing off her armor.

Typhus landed on the smoke and dust-wreathed path in a crouch, his cape flaring out behind him, before he slowly rose to his feet and let out a growling chuckle as the red receded back to his left arm.

Inside the mansion, on the TV, Flabber was holding the sides of his head and staring in open-mouthed shock at the camera as a Modern Warfare 2 "Round Winning Kill"-style replay of Typhus shooting Major Blast II played behind him, complete with the three-second countdown stretching out as the replay dropped into slow motion.

Mums pointed at the TV and then at Fangula and Frankenbeans. "Yannow what? If he wasn't trying to destroy the world, I'd smoke with him."

"He could still be trying to destroy the world—I'd do more than smoke with him," Fangula purred.

Mums hummed and really looked at Typhus as he rose from his flashy landing. "Eh… six out of ten."

"Solid eight!" Fangula corrected with faux-indignation.

Outside, the fire was taking hold of the dry, brittle kindling of the vineyard like it had only the week before when Goblin had set it ablaze. Jackie and especially Marco watched the flames as they were briefly reminded of that disastrous brawl, while Mabel and Hunterborg looked between Typhus and Major Blast II.

Star, however, scrutinized Major Blast II alone as she slowly, shakily pushed herself to her feet.

Panting heavily, with her hair frazzled and alarm symbols flashing across the inside of her dome, Tara stood up. She let go of the grips to her beam cannons and let them fold back to her hip armor as she patted herself on the chest plate to examine the damage she'd taken.

She froze when she felt it—a scorch mark that had burned nearly through the chest plate and reached the secondary armor layer between it and the tightly interwoven black mesh bodysuit underneath.

Typhus let out another low, satisfied laugh.

"Hey, we all get knocked down, once or twice. It's all in how we get back up, baby!" he teased as he brought his shotgun-sword up to rest on his shoulder nonchalantly. "And I hope you're gettin' up!"

Tara looked at Typhus, and saw that all of his injuries, every wound the kids—and Tara herself—had inflicted on him… were completely gone.

He had fully regenerated.

No… he was like new!

Her left eye twitched. This thing.

This freak.

It wasn't a robot… it wasn't some basement-dweller's cosplay or science project. Him… those fighters… what…? What was this?

What was this?!

Her breath came out shakier as she bared her teeth.

This was a comic book villain! The creation of some two-bit loser who draws cartoons all day! WHAT WAS THIS?!

Overhead, Strikerborg caught flashes at the edge of her vision and looked over to see the long procession of police and emergency vehicles coming toward Hillhurst Mansion.

"Guys, we need to wrap this up. Twelve's coming this way… and there's a lot of them."

Down in the Beetle Battle Base, Dipper cursed under his breath. Stepping up to the console, he leaned over Misao and pushed down the PA system call button.

"Tara."

Dipper's voice cut through the roar of the growing flames, and caused both her and Typhus to look toward the Beetle Battle Base.

"If this is going to end? We need to work together to actually beat Typhus down for good. Between all of us, we can definitely overpower him… and unlike the other times, he can't escape from here."

Tara slowly turned her head toward Hillhurst Mansion and the Beetle Battle Base, her eyes settling on the kids gathered between the two.

Typhus's gnarled grin grew at the prospect of fighting them all at once.

"Whatever happens after this, happens… but right now? Let's deal with him together."

Tara stared at the Beetle Battle Base and the kids for a long moment… then fully turned to face them.

"You want… to help… me…?" she asked in a shaking voice that would've been inaudible were it not boosted by her suit's speakers.

"As much as we don't like you," Mabel said, "Beating Typhus comes first!"

"I don't like it any more than you," Jackie assured her.

"I like it less than I like you," Marco added, his tone venomous.

Typhus couldn't help himself. "Well I love it! I'm fit to fight all of ya, baby!"

"Cuh, who asked?" Hunterborg snapped at him.

Major Blast II stood there, completely still.

Then an explosion of magenta light surged from every gap and line of Major Blast II's armor. With it, waves of force pushed everyone back as the ground began to violently shake.

Overhead, the surge of power caused the Red Striker AV to wobble in its flight, surprising Strikerborg. "What the fuck?!"

In the Beetle Battle Base, Misao, Dipper, Janna, and Kelly were bombarded with repeated energy spike alarms.

As Star shielded her face from the wind and light, she peered over the back of her raised hand—and her eyes widened.

Major Blast II's damaged armor was repairing itself, as Tara screamed like a banshee.

"YOU ARROGANT LITTLE SHITS! HOW DARE YOU THINK I NEED ANYTHING FROM YOU?!"

Her barrier appeared around her… and then broke apart. Each individual hexagon detached and began rotating faster and faster, until dozens of disk-like blades hovered around her in a deadly swarm.

Hunterborg tensed in his armor. "Aw… shit…"

Looking up and seeing the Red Striker AV overhead, Tara snapped her right beam cannon up toward it.

"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!"

The beam she fired was a much thinner, brighter shade of magenta than the previous beams. And when it struck the Red Striker AV, it sliced off the AV's left tilt-fan.

"Strikerborg!" Dipper and Misao yelled out as the others watched from the ground in shock as the damaged AV immediately tumbled toward the ground.

"Shit, shit!" Strikerborg said before she bailed from her machine. Strikerborg dropped toward the ground and drove a fist into the earth as she landed in a crouch.

Behind her, the damaged AV hit the ground and tumbled along like a tossed toy, but didn't explode.

Turning her attention to Typhus, she shrieked. "NOW IT'S YOUR TURN! KNOW YOUR PLACE, YOU MISERABLE MISH-MASH OF ORGANS! KILL HIM!"

She made a horizontal sweeping gesture with her left hand and a dozen of the barrier panels turned blades shot at Typhus, slashing across his body lightning fast.

"GRGH!" Typhus grunted as he was struck.

"I SAID KILL HIM!" Tara screamed.

Two dozen more of her Barrier Blades attacked, joining the first dozen in attacking Typhus from every direction, slashing him again and again, causing deep, messy cuts that sprayed monstrous ichor when they weren't immediately cauterized.

Re-equipping her left beam cannon, she pointed it at him.

"REGENERATE FROM THIS, YOU FREAK!"

Another dozen of the Barrier Blades positioned themselves around the barrel of the weapon, interlocking and forming an extension of the barrel before the cannon fired another beam.

As the recoil pushed Tara backward, the Barrier Blades squeezed down on the beam, intensifying it even further as it impacted and lanced through Typhus's stomach.

Typhus screamed, as he began to be pushed back by the blast, before the Barrier Blades around the beam cannon's barrel widened to let the wider beam surge out and smash into Typhus—sending him flying down range and into the distant edge of the valley.

"Holy…" Marco began.

"Mackerel…!" Mabel finished.

Major Blast II then turned her attention back to them, her Barrier Blades swept back and regrouped around her.

"Die."

Tara hissed through her teeth, before she screamed.

"DIE!"

The moment the Barrier Blades shot toward them, the Green Hunter AV's treads bit into the ground as it accelerated to position itself in the path of the blades.

Inside the Beetle Battle Base, Misao called out as she controlled the unmanned AV. "TAKE HER DOWN!"

Dipper agreed. Tara was too dangerous in this state! "AND DON'T HOLD BACK!"

As her Barrier Blades cut and gouged pieces out of the Hunter AV, its body turned on its treads a full ninety degrees to aim its suite of blasters at her and opened fire.

The Barrier Blades swirled into action, each snapping into position to intercept a bolt before repositioning for the next wave of fire.

Hunterborg was suddenly at Major Blast II's side with the Input Magnum, firing a beam mode shot for her dome that a Barrier Blade blocked, before several more blocked his lunge with the Hunter Claw and another dozen on top of that slashed across his body.

Major Blast II fired her right beam cannon as she swung it at him, slashing him with the beam and sending him flying in a shower of explosions.

"I'm stronger than you!"

When Strikerborg came down on her with a massive right haymaker, multiple Barrier Blades positioned themselves in layers to stop her punch before Major Blast II pointed her beam cannon at Strikerborg's chest and blew her away.

"I'm smarter than you!"

Mabel attacked from Tara's back, but her roundhouse kick was stopped by more blades, and when she tried to jump back, several homed in and struck her in the chest, knocking the wind out of her and throwing her onto her back as they damaged the Rainbow Sentai Battle Armor protecting her.

"I'm better than all of you in every way!"

"WINTER STORM HYPERBLOW!" Star shouted as she cast her icy spell.

Major Blast II brought her cannons together and fired into the spell.

There was a terrific explosion of steam that washed over both as Major Blast's beams struggled against Star's spell.

"I don't need the help of you shitstains! I don't need the police! I never needed SheZow! You all just slow me down or get in my way!" Tara screamed. "YOU'RE JUST PARASITES, TRYING TO FEED OFF MY POWER!"

As the wind buffeted over Star, her glowing cheek marks grew brighter and she poured more power into the spell.

"Ew! You're the parasite…" Star said as the glow filled her eyes. "… Because that power… isn't… even… YOURS!"

The Winterstorm Hyperblow began to creep closer toward Major Blast II, so close that the barrels of her beam cannons and her gauntlet-covered hands began to frost over.

Tara was having none of that. "HOW DARE YOU?!"

All of her Barrier Blades mobbed Star at once, but Marco and Jackie leaped in and tackled her clear of the attack. The Barrier Blades ripped apart the ground where Star had stood, throwing chunks of earth into the air before Tara's blast vaporized them.

The beam surged on, hitting the Hunter AV and pushing it into the front door of Hillhurst Mansion with a crash.

As the beam faded, Marco got up first and locked eyes with Tara.

Meeting his stare, she immediately shrieked.

"WHEN I'M DONE KILLING YOU, I'M FINDING YOUR ILLEGAL FATHER AND BURNING HIM OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH!"

Marco had been angry enough at this psychopath.

Now all he wanted was this bitch dead.

Watching him break into a sprint straight towards her, Tara broke into a furious laugh. After what she'd just done to the Beetleborgs and that bimbo of a girl, Marco would be better off taking his chances with Typhus. Was this kid stupid?!

Yes. He was. And she was going to savor this.

She summoned her Barrier Blades to her, the dozens of whirling projectiles sweeping around her into a position in front of her.

The moment the Barrier Blades appeared, Marco's gaze swept across the swarm. In an instant he registered each one as he drew in a deep, concentrating breath.

Tara lifted her chin as a haunting grin spread across her lips.

"Die."

The blades accelerated at Marco, and just before they reached him he suddenly darted left to avoid the first mass of them. The second made him slip right, the projectiles narrowly missing across his front and back.

Even faster, he zigzagged around and under the Barrier Blades, each one missed by a calculated margin that should have been impossible unless Marco knew where it would go before it moved.

Tara's smile fell off her face as Marco erased the distance between them, and she pointed her right beam cannon at him.

"I SAID DI–!"

Marco slid low, then launched into a flying kick that connected with Major Blast II's chest armor with enough force to lift her completely off her feet.

The clang that echoed from the hit had Jackie, Star, and Mabel looking back at the two in surprise.

Tara had no chance to catch her breath as Marco roared a kiai and proceeded to hammer the same spot with kick after kick as they traveled through the air.

Each blow felt like a punch to her solar plexus, winding her over and over to her complete disbelief.

How was this normal brat hitting so hard?!

"The only place you're a hero is in your own head!" Marco yelled as they reached the top of their gravity-defying ascent.

Hooking his left leg behind Major Blast II's left shoulder, he swung them both around until he was above her and she was below.

When Tara looked up, she locked eyes with Marco again as he wound up for a devastating axe kick.

But her attention immediately fell on the glowing yellow crescent-moon-shaped marks on Marco's cheeks.

"… Huh?" she gasped out.

"You're just a delusional narcissist!" Marco screamed as he swung the kick down, driving his heel into Major Blast II's chest armor and launching her into the ground like a rocket.

Marco dropped back to the ground, landing in a crouch as his cheek marks faded away. A second later, his face went blue. He coughed hard and began gasping for air.

At some point, he had stopped breathing and forgotten to start again.

He and Sensei Brantley were going to have words after this.

Major Blast II got up, Tara gasping for air herself as she managed to get back onto her feet. She was checking her armor.

It hadn't been broken. In fact, every system was optimal, running at a higher efficiency than ever.

"How did that little…?" Tara coughed, and stopped when she saw red flecks mixed in the spittle on the inside of her dome helmet.

With a scream of incandescent rage, Tara whirled around and fired both beam cannons at Marco at the highest output she could muster.

Marco raised his arms to block as the beams lit up the battlefield surging towards him. They impacted scattering outward like water from a hose smashing into a solid wall.

= - = 10-7 = - =​

For the Magnavores Jara, Noxic, and Typhus for example, I use the Inspectors' combat BGM "Violent Battle"

 

[Cain The Wanderer]

Typhus got got, now it's time for the world's greatest Karen to get it, and by it I mean GOT.

= - = 10-8 = - =

|Just a Hero Passing Through|​

That all had happened so fast. It had happened too fast.

One moment Typhus had Tara looking rough. The next? Mabel was down, Jo got blasted, and Roland himself was dealing with the most damage his armor had received yet.

"God damn… the hell was that?" Hunterborg asked as he got up.

"How can one Karen crash out so many times?" Strikerborg asked as she got up.

"Hunterborg! Strikerborg!" Mabel said as she slowly got up. "If I survived that, then I knew you two would be fine…"

She looked down and sighed, however, as she watched the Rainbow Sentai Battle Armor slowly close over where it had been eaten through.

It had just barely held on. Her fuchsia-colored sweater dress had a hole burned into it.

"I really liked this sweater, too." She took it off, revealing a loose cropped T-shirt, jean shorts, and leggings underneath.

Hunterborg stared at Mabel for a moment before he realized he was and respectfully turned towards Tara, who had stopped firing her beam cannons. "Shit… is Marco good?"

They turned to look and saw Tara's attack being blocked completely.

"Wait, is Marco tanking that?" Strikerborg asked.

When the beams dissipated, both Beetleborgs and Mabel gave a start when they saw someone else had intervened.

"… What the…?" Hunterborg asked.

Marco was just as confused as Roland and everyone else as he looked up at the man dressed in a blue armored bodysuit with a red and white vertical striped midriff. He had red gauntlets on his forearms, and red and black armored combat boots.

He also wore a white scarf tied around his neck.

But most notable of all, strapped onto his arm was a large round shield. The very shield that had stopped Tara's attack.

Marco tilted his head, as he recognized that silhouette immediately.

"Wait… Captain America…?"

Down in the Beetle Battle Base, Dipper was just as puzzled. "Who is that?"

Kelly looked relieved. "Oh, thank goodness, he beat the traffic."

Dipper looked at her. "Who did?!"

Misao, however, was out of her seat and looking at the screen in wonder.

"… Ist das möglich…?" she whispered.

Tara was frozen where she stood, seeing that her attack had not only been stopped, but completely nullified by… another weirdo cosplaying as a comic book hero?

"Captain America" turned to look back at Marco, who did an immediate double-take.

Instead of Captain America's traditional helmet, which covered most of his head but left his eyes and mouth visible, this helmet was fully enclosed with a facial design that evoked a hero just as legendary and storied as the First Avenger.

It still had the iconic A on the forehead.

"Kamen Rider?!" Marco asked.

"Nah," came Maz Kepler's slightly raspy voice from inside the red-eyed, white-face-plated helmet as he turned back to face Tara.

"I'm just a fan passing through."

Another beam blast from Major Blast II surged towards Maz, and he used his shield to block the strike. As before, the beam scattered outward before Maz swept his shield aside as it ended, creating a mesmerizing cascade of sparks.

"You can call me… Masked Rider Marvelous!" he declared. "Now, let's pack out Major Blast and make it showy!"

Marco let out a small laugh. "You're Heisei as heck, man."

"CAN YOU INGRATES STOP… JUST STOP…?!" Tara broke off and coughed violently, spraying more bloody spit inside her helmet, before roaring in rage.

"… JUST STOP LIVING?!"

Her Barrier Blades rematerialized, but something was different. They seemed to flicker and waver, magenta arcs hopping across and between the individual blades.

Mabel saw it immediately. "Heh, looks like she's running out of gas."

Strikerborg chuckled and cracked her knuckles. "Yeah, always being angry wears you down fast—take it from a professional in the field."

She then drew her Input Magnum before handing it to Mabel. "Here, we need to test something, anyway."

Hunterborg had nothing witty to say. Even if he did, he had a fade to run.

"We on your neck, cuh!" Darting in with his super speed, he slashed across her chest and down her side with the Hunter Claw, then blasted her in the back with the Input Magnum.

Major Blast screamed and fired at Hunterborg but he flickered out of sight. Targeting him when he reappeared a short distance back, she commanded her Barrier Blades to hunt him down.

Masked Rider Marvelous threw his mighty shield like a discus and the projectile bounced off several Barrier Blades before deflecting off the left side of Major Blast II's dome.

Major Blast II staggered before Hunterborg appeared behind her to grab her around the base of her helmet with the Hunter Claw and slam her face-first into the ground.

"GET OFF ME!" she shrieked as she desperately fired her beam cannon while turning over to hit Hunterborg.

Hunterborg leaned back out of the short blast's path before lifting Major Blast II off the ground and over his head. The Beetle Battler's turbine opened and spun up, causing the claw and Tara to begin spinning at high speed.

"LET GO OF ME! LET GO!" Tara raged.

Hunterborg was happy to. "You know I gotchu, cuh!"

He threw her at Strikerborg—who had summoned the Striker Plasmar to her right arm. Beneath her helmet, Jo was grinning maliciously as the Striker Plasmar began to spin.

Major Blast II's thrusters fired, and Tara caught herself and fired both her Beam Cannons at Strikerborg. "I GOT YOU!"

Strikerborg thrust the Striker Plasmar forward, the electromagnetic energy around the weapon's prongs causing both beams to bend outward around her and Mabel harmlessly. "You ain't got shit!"

As Tara tried to halt her backward drift, Mabel aimed Strikerborg's Input Magnum over her shoulder and fired off a rapid-fire burst of Beam Mode shots that the Striker Plasmar's effect bent to strike Major Blast II in her shoulder, stomach and right thigh.

"But you can catch these!" Mabel taunted back.

As Mabel continued to pepper Tara with beam shots, Star was on her feet and swinging her wand hand around like she was comically winding up for a huge punch.

In effect, she was.

"GIANT SWING… RAINBOW ROCKET PUNCH!"

As before, the energy around the bell of her wand became a super robot arm, but this time it rocketed off the wand entirely and raced like a missile directly towards the center of Major Blast's back.

Looking back, Tara managed to bring her Barrier Blades out in layers to stop the projectile.

The Rainbow Rocket Punch smashed through eight of the Barrier Blades and struck Major Blast II in her left side, right under her armpit.

Stumbling, she raised her left arm cannon, but Masked Rider Marvelous's shield bounced off several of the wavering Barrier Blades above her to come down and drive her cannon into the ground.

"HEEEYAH!" Marco yelled as he brought his right heel down onto Major Blast II's dome.

As Tara went down, Jackie ran up on Major Blast II's right and swung a kick directly into her stomach. "Get on your feet, dude!"

Jackie spun and roundhouse kicked her in the side. "We're not done with you!"

Major Blast II stumbled to her left, before Hunterborg dragged his claw across her shoulder and chest armor, ripping off chunks from both.

"Fight back, bitch!" Hunterborg shouted as Major Blast II went tottering into a combined assault of punches and kicks from two different directions by Marco and Jackie.

"Fight back!" Jackie shouted as their blows connected.

Marco drove an especially hard knee into Major Blast II's gut. "FIGHT BACK!"

Tara coughed again, more blood than spit, as she tried to focus on Jackie with a desperate beam cannon shot. As Jackie dodged, Marco picked up Marvelous's shield and threw it at Major Blast II's back, bouncing it off her and into the Rider's hand before Marvelous punched Major Blast II repeatedly with the shield—causing cracks to form on her chest plate and her dome helmet.

Turning around, Marvelous backhanded Tara with the shield, and she slid back before Strikerborg hit her with the force of a speeding freight truck, sending her skidding on her back through the vineyard a good fifty feet.

Alarms were going off in Tara's suit, as she lay on the ground. But the ringing in her ears was louder.

Even then, she slowly began to get up.

Mabel walked over to Strikerborg, entering 0-1-0 into the Input Magnum before handing it back to its owner. Hunterborg appeared on Mabel's other side, inputting 3-0-5 into his own weapon.

Star joined them, spinning her wand as her cheek marks began to glow.

Hunterborg aimed first. "Birdlime Mode!"

He fired, unleashing a barrage of messy projectiles that struck Major Blast II's elbows, knees, and ankles. Several more shots gummed up her beam cannons and covered the back of her dome.

Struggling against the material, she turned over and looked back at the kids. "You… you…!"

She coughed more blood before she roared.

"YOU ROTTEN PIECES OF SHIT!"

Strikerborg aimed her Input Magnum next, as Star once more charged up the Winterstorm Hyperblow.

"Bitch, can you finally chill?" Jo asked, before she and Star unleashed the full force of their attacks.

Both attacks connected, and soon Major Blast II was fully encased in thick, heavy ice—much like Typhus during previous brawls.

Unlike Typhus, Major Blast II didn't seem to be able to break out. They could hear her muffled ranting and raving beneath the thick ice, though.

"That's wraps," Hunterborg said.

Star and Mabel nearly collapsed against each other, with Mabel letting out a tired, "Oh thank goodness!"

Strikerborg sagged in relief. "Fuck! Why was she so strong?!"

"Right? I know I wasn't trippin'!" Hunterborg agreed.

Marco just dropped down onto his backside, Jackie going to his side and kneeling with him. "Uuuuuuuugh! She was so infuriating, too!"

Jackie hugged him. "Did she really say she was going to kill your dad?"

"Yeah."

Jackie rested her head on his shoulder, and looked at the ice block. "We should kill her."

Marco put his hand around her waist, and rested his head against hers. "She's not worth it."

Star smiled at Marco and Jackie cuddling, then leaned on Mabel. "It's something magical. I can practically smell it."

Masked Rider Marvelous looked from Tara to Star. "Probably something SheZow gave Tara a long time ago."

Star looked up. "How do you guess?"

Masked Rider Marvelous pointed to himself. "Uhh… Kelly's been keeping me up to date with texts."

Hunterborg looked at him. "Shit, you got Bluetooth in that fit, too?"

Strikerborg was curious about it, too. "Yeah, seriously, what the heck is that?"

Masked Rider Marvelous looked down at himself. "It's complicated, and you guys look way too wiped for another lore dump."

Strikerborg was appreciative. "Thank you, we've been at the library all day."

The Hunter AV suddenly came to life, and powered back out of the house. It made a beeline straight to the Striker AV's dismembered fan and scooped it up with its Hunter Scissors. Then it drove over to the Striker AV itself and picked it up.

Strikerborg was even more appreciative. "Thanks, Misao!"

"Ja, ja~!" Misao chimed back.

Dipper called. "Police are like a minute out. We're retracting the Base and Flabber's gonna fix everything. We need to get gone."

Mabel got up and scooped Star off the ground into her arms bridal-style. "You don't have to tell me twice!"

Jackie was about to get up and help Marco, when she looked over and glowered.

Everyone followed her gaze.

Typhus stood at the end of the path, slowly regenerating but looking almost as bad as he had after Star blasted him and Vexor during the Snake Head battle.

He let out a chuckle when he saw Tara on ice. "Aw man, I missed it."

Hunterborg immediately got ready to attack. "Nah, now that the special guest is cooked—we gotta have words about you bringing her ass here!"

Strikerborg stepped up as well. "Yeah, I haven't gotten a good word or fist in, so let's go, big man. It's not like you're going anywhere."

Masked Rider Marvelous stepped up to join the two Beetleborgs. "I've barely gotten into my bag myself. I've still got plenty I can pull on you."

Typhus really liked the sound of that, but time was up for him, too. "That's great, but I really gotta be on my way, too, baby."

A crack filled the air, signaling Barla's abrupt arrival in a high-speed descent. The Mercenary Warrior landed hard in a crouch beside Typhus.

"Aw shit…" Hunterborg muttered.

Looking around, Barla glanced at Typhus. "Where's the Stingerborg?"

"Ain't here," Typhus said.

Barla huffed. "Then there's no reason to linger."

Putting an arm around Typhus, Barla spread her armor's draconic wings and shot into the sky like a rocket.

Strikerborg looked up after the escaping Magnavores. "Wow, fuck you too, then."

Hunterborg looked at her. "Strikerborg."

Strikerborg looked back at him. "What?! Shit's still rude!"

The sound of sirens filling the air brought their attention back to the looming arrival of the authorities.

Mabel nodded and dashed towards the house with Star in her arms. "Right! We gotta go, everyone in the house!"

Marco and Jackie quickly got up and followed her.

The Green Hunter AV had already entered the Beetle Battle Base with its cargo, and the building was descending.

Masked Rider Marvelous turned to follow. "Yeah, but what about the…?"

When he looked at the house, he was surprised to find it was completely intact, back to the same dilapidated old house it had been before the battle. Even the vineyard was back to the wilted ruin it had been for decades.

"Whoa…" he said in surprise, before Strikerborg took him by the arm.

"Yeah, yeah, this place does that. Now come on, before we're spotted!"

By the time the first police cruiser crested the hill—Boxter and Jeb's, no less—the kids had retreated inside Hillhurst Mansion, and the only sign that anything was amiss in the area was the ice block that contained Tara.

@@@@@​

Minutes later, Misao, Dipper, Janna, and Kelly watched police swarm the vineyard and the house itself, searching for any sign of Typhus or the Beetleborgs.

Some officers were brave enough to enter the house, but found only empty rooms, dusty, garbage-strewn floors, and certainly nothing that could be considered anomalous or unusual—like extra-dimensional spaces or marauding monsters.

Even the wall that had once separated the organ room from the main vestibule was back up—concealing the organ room and entertainment center from investigating eyes.

Some officers did side-eye Ghoulum, who stayed by the door, looking menacing but otherwise stone-still.

Back outside, emergency services were spraying down Major Blast II to melt away the ice that held her.

"Well, we're going to be down here for a bit," Dipper lamented.

Misao nodded. "At least we have the internet now, ja?"

Dipper laughed, then looked up the ramp to the others as they arrived. "You all okay?"

"A bit roughed up and exhausted, Broberon," Mabel said as she reached them with Star still snugly in her arms. "But nothing a quick spa day at Hyuuga Medical Works won't fix."

Jackie stretched. "Oh man, I could go for that. Since that first time, I've really wanted to take another dip in that tank."

Janna walked over to her and Marco. "You would yearn for the depths, huh?"

With a huff, Jackie hugged Janna, who returned it. Then, with a bit of malice in her smirk, Jackie grabbed Marco and pulled him into the hug, surprising Janna.

"H-Hey!" she protested, before Marco fully leaned into the group hug.

"Oh Janna Banana," Marco said lightly. "It's so nice you're worried about us!"

"Yeah, dude, you must've been on the edge of your seat when things were getting dicey there!" Jackie taunted.

Grumbling, Janna gave in and tightened her arms around them both. "You will suffer greatly for this indignity at my hands, I swear."

Marco and Jackie both laughed at her impotent vow of revenge.

Strikerborg and Hunterborg walked over to Kelly with Masked Rider Marvelous, with Strikerborg gesturing to him. "Hey, is this yours?"

Kelly smiled at the two Beetleborgs before gesturing to him. "Yes, this is my friend and coworker at Robotics Gayly."

Masked Rider Marvelous reached down to his belt, which now read AVENGER instead of MARVEL in the same bold lettering. He flipped the switch on the belt buckle before issuing a command.

"Transform Out."

In a flash Masked Rider Marvelous was gone, and in his place stood Maz Kepler. "Sup, I'm Maz."

Hunterborg recognized him. "Hey… you're that kid who was SheZow's last sidekick, aren't you?"

Misao looked over. "Kid?"

Hunterborg held out his hand. "Back Blast."

With his own flash, Roland was out of his armor. "Back before SheZow quit, there was this kid who would fight crime with SheZow. His whole thing was dressing in Halloween costumes of different Marvel heroes whenever he showed up."

Maz stared at Roland in surprise. "Whoa… you're Nano's grandson."

He stopped. "Wait, no, that's about right."

Kelly nodded to Maz. "Right?"

Jo transformed out next. "What makes it seem so right? Besides Nano owning a comic book store and—oh, duh."

"But yeah," Maz said, "I'm that guy. As you can see, I've gotten better at it."

"Damn right, cuh!" Roland said.

Marco pulled away from the group hug with Jackie and Janna, and looked over. "Wait, Maz Kepler?!"

Maz turned to Marco and waved. "Marco, hey dude."

Everyone stopped and watched as Marco made his way over to him. "So this is what you've been up to since you quit?"

"Kinda," Maz said.

Roland turned to Marco. "Hol' up, y'all know each other?"

Marco gestured to Maz. "He was Sensei Brantley's old assistant instructor, years ago."

That was a surprise to Roland. "Ain't no way!"

"It's true," Maz said. "Part of the reason I always had to dip out of class was because I was helping SheZow with stuff."

Marco had to know. "So is that why you quit, because SheZow retired?"

Maz rubbed the back of his head. "Actually it was because I got tired of Brantley stalling like crazy on my Red Belt test."

He recoiled slightly at the matching looks of disgust on Marco and Roland's faces, both reminded of that particularly unpleasant Saturday with their sensei.

"Are you two okay…?"

Jo cut in. "Yeah, it was a whole thing—turns out Sensei didn't do your red belt test because the Red Belt Test tape was stuck in the VCR."

Maz stopped. "Wait, deadass?"

"Deadass," Marco and Roland said at the same time.

After a moment, Maz folded his arms and shook his head in regret. "Shoot, he should've told me—I've been taking apart VCRs and stuff like that since I was like eight."

"You too?" Jo asked. "My thing was CD and record players."

Marco buried his face in both his palms while Roland pinched the bridge of his nose.

"On that note!" Jo chimed before she pointed at his belt like she was gesturing to a shocking pair of shoes. "What are those?! How'd you make Kamen Rider real?!"

Maz reached up and rubbed the back of his head. "Actually, I didn't. You know the IT Gals, right? They're the founders of Robotics Gayly, too… and they made this."

Jo stopped. "Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait… the IT Gals made this?!"

"Well, not just them?" Kelly noted. "It's like a whole thing that they're developing with a bunch of other Garage Tech enthusiasts."

Jo turned to her. "Dang it, I always wanted to get into Garage Tech, but my dad would never let me use the garage."

"You know you don't actually need the garage for garage tech," Kelly pointed out.

"Yeah, but I need a place to explore my technical curiosities, and my dad is the most boring man in creation. So apparently the very idea of having a tinker tot was anathema to his existence."

"Oh," Kelly and Maz said together.

"And get this, he's a software engineer! Talk about pulling up the ladder, right?"

Roland shook his head. "It's some ol' bullshit."

Kelly was already indignant at the idea of creativity smothered. "Well, if you want, I could talk to Ally and Jess and see if they'd be up for letting you poke around their workshop."

Maz gave an encouraging nod. "They'll probably be down for it. The numbers I was putting up during the fight had the Gals spazzing, so they're gonna be in a good mood the rest of the weekend."

Jo brightened. "Well… shoot, pencil me in."

Misao spoke up. "I would like to accompany you on that."

Kelly turned to Misao. "I think you showing up at the Shop would cause the Gals to lose their minds. So I insist you come."

Mabel finally set Star down for her to join Marco, Jackie, and Janna, before joining them. "Ooh, field trip?"

Upon reaching Marco, Star immediately threw her arms around him and hugged him as she slumped against him.

Marco looked at her. "Star… mmph?"

She interrupted him with a kiss that lasted more than a brief moment, before resting her head on his shoulder.

"I'm glad you're okay," she said.

Marco, his face red, looked at Jackie and Janna—then glanced over towards Dipper. Dipper was watching curiously, but not interrupting.

He turned his full attention to Star and hugged her. "I'm glad you're okay, too. That really got scary there for a second."

Star nodded and nuzzled into the fabric of Marco's hoodie. "It really did… I'm not going to mess around anymore."

She looked up at him. "Next time we fight those chumps, we'll be prepared to take hits like the best of them."

Star really just needed something that could protect like the best of them.

Dipper smiled at Star and Marco's interaction and looked around the group as they mingled.

Roland joined his side. "You good, cuh?"

"My blood pressure is probably crazy, right now, but I'm fine. You?"

Roland turned and looked up at the screens showing the officers searching Hillhurst. "I'm not gonna hold you, we need to get this shit sorted out with the cops."

"Don't worry, we will," Dipper said before he looked at Misao.

Misao looked back and nodded. "Ja, I've been in contact with Elise, and she is going to handle everything."

Roland liked that. "That's all I needed to hear, cuh."

Flabber then appeared, tiny as usual, on the console beside Dipper and Roland. "Hey, Dipper. The guys are stashed away and everything else is hidden… but I think we need to talk about what might happen next."

Dipper turned to Flabber. "Yeah, what's up?"

"I'm worried that the feds might try to tear this place down after they're done tearing it up, so can you go find any Bonners?"

Dipper stopped, and his eyes widened.

Roland, Jo, Janna, and Marco all turned toward Flabber.

"Flabber… what do you know about the Bonners…?" Dipper asked.

Flabber nervously cleared his throat. "A-all I know… is that the doc left some important documents with the Bonners… and they might save the house from getting torn up?"

Dipper stared at the tiny Flabber before he brought his fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"… Marco…?" he said in frustration.

"Yeah?"

"We need to talk to Principal Skeeves Monday."

Marco nodded in agreement. "I'll go with you."

Jo shook her head. "I hope Drew's still having a good time."

Mabel joined Roland and Dipper. "Hey guys, look. They're almost done thawing Tara out—this might be good for a laugh."

@@@@@​

Outside the house, an FBI marked SUV pulled up to the scene among the police cruisers and other emergency vehicles. Special Agent Haines and Agent Sanchez emerged from the car and looked around at the pristine dump that Tara had chased the Magnavore Jet Fighters toward.

Agent Haines raised an eyebrow as he looked at the ice block being battered by multiple fire hoses. "Excuse me, who's in charge of this scene?"

Detectives Bishop and Hashimoto walked over to the two FBI agents, with Bishop taking the lead. "Detective Xavier Bishop, Echo Creek Police Department. I presume you're Special Agent Haines?"

Haines smirked at being recognized. "That's right, and this is Agent Sanchez. I'll be taking overall command of the task force going forward."

Detective Hashimoto tried not to make a face at the prospect.

"So, what have we got?" Haines asked.

Detective Bishop turned and looked at the ice block. "When we arrived on scene this is all we found. It looks like someone ambushed Tara with a cryogenic weapon."

"Freeze-Ray, huh?" Haines looked to his partner. "Any of the POIs involved got anything like that?"

Sanchez nodded. "The Beetleborgs and the Magical Girl all seem to have cryogenic weapons."

Haines nodded. "That's interesting."

He looked towards the house. "And they're in there?"

"Officers are searching up and down the house, but they're not turning up anything. It's just an old, dingy farmhouse."

Sanchez folded his arms, then gestured toward the house's foundation. "Check the basement?"

"There's no identifiable habitable space beneath the house that we can locate," Detective Bishop said.

Detective Hashimoto nodded in agreement. "We had a few officers look under there. Nothing but lots and lots of spiders."

Detective Bishop shook his head. "So many spiders."

"Are there any witnesses to what happened here?" Haines asked.

Detective Bishop gestured to the ice block. "Just Special Investigator Bouger. We're about to clear the ice, but she seems to be in bad shape."

Haines stopped. "Bad shape, how?"

"Her biotelemetry reports several serious injuries, including fractured ribs, pulmonary contusions, and internal bleeding. We'll get her stabilized as soon as she's out of the ice."

As soon as Detective Bishop finished, there was the crackle of fracturing ice as the concentrated streams from the fire hoses finally freed Major Blast II from her confines.

Immediately Major Blast II began trying to stand, but the sticky birdlime material kept her from moving her limbs in any meaningful way. "Arrest them… arrest them all!"

The two FBI agents and police detectives walked over to her as EMTs gathered to administer aid.

"Special Investigator Bouger, what happened?" Haines asked.

Tara coughed before she roared. "Those brats—they ambushed me! They lured me out here with those fighters, brought me here—their hideout! Their hideout is HERE! Right HERE!"

She turned her head towards the old house and where she expected to see the Beetle Battle Base. "Where is it?! IT WAS RIGHT HERE!"

Tara coughed again and looked at Special Agent Haines. "Haines! It's there! You have to believe that it's there! It's exactly like in those stupid comics! Turn the house upside down and you'll FIND IT!"

Haines turned to Bishop, who shook his head.

"We've been here before. This is actually the third time we've been called here to investigate the area. Despite all the racket that comes from around here, we've found nothing out of the ordinary."

Detective Hashimoto spoke up. "Honestly, it's amazing this dump is still standing. It's way over a hundred years old."

Haines spoke. "Bouger, we've got people in there right now and all they can find is junk."

"Then dig it up!" Tara shouted at him. "It had to have gone underground! They probably have a whole complex down there, that's where they stash their weapons!"

Detective Hashimoto had her doubts. "If they had something like that… finding an entrance shouldn't be too hard. Heck, if the doors were just used, we'd be able to find them."

"WHERE ELSE COULD IT BE?!" Tara shrieked.

Detective Bishop then pointed out something critical. "They have some kind of portal technology, so perhaps they used that."

Sanchez looked at the senior detective in controlled surprise. "Wait, it's an actual portal device?"

"That's a more plausible explanation than anything if we're finding nothing here," Agent Haines said.

"THEN WHY WOULD THEY BE HERE EVERY TIME SOMETHING HAPPENS?!" Tara shrieked before she began coughing again.

Detective Hashimoto chimed in. "I would imagine they come out here because… it's vacant and out of the way? This place kind of reminds me of Mt. Iwafune, where they'd film tokusatsu action scenes."

"A place somewhere empty they can fight, huh?" Sanchez reasoned.

"Just like in Dragon Ball Z, yeah," Detective Hashimoto said.

Tara could not believe what she was hearing. These fools were just standing there, reasoning away everything she just said, like she was talking crazy.

"YOU IDIOTS! STOP TRYING TO RATIONALIZE THIS!"

The detectives and FBI agents turned back to Tara, who was being urged to calm down by EMTs but was just not having it.

"Look, I have the data in my suit. Everything it saw, I saw, and you will see that those kids were here, that they ambushed me, and then they left me for dead in this ice!"

She looked wildly between them. "But you need to arrest them now! You need to hunt them down and use maximum lethal force, because they are dangerous! ALL OF THEM! Arrest them! Arrest them! ARREST THEM!"

"Tara!" Boxter suddenly shouted, and Tara looked at him in surprise.

"B-Boxter?" she sputtered as he and Jeb joined the conversation. "Please, back me up! Those kids attacked me, they ambushed me, tried to kill me… their base is here but they hid it somehow! We need to find them!"

Boxter recoiled, then looked around at the old house. He looked back at her, seeing her face a bloodied mess, her helmet cracked, and her armor split.

"Boxter, we're coworkers! You've had me in your home for dinner, for goodness' sake!" Tara pleaded. "You've been on these kids harder than I have, back me up here. They're doing something to get one over on us!"

Boxter looked back the way they came from, up at the top of the hill leading into Hillhurst.

Just past that, he could see smoke still tailing into the sky.

Detective Bishop whirled on her. "Miss Bouger, if that was the case, then where's the evidence there was even a battle here?!"

Jeb heard that and stepped up. "Well… that magical girl-"

Boxter shot a look at Jeb before cutting him off. "Tara, I think the kids can wait. It's not like we don't know where they live."

Tara recoiled. "W-what?!"

"The more important issue right now is what you did in town! There are fires! People might've been hurt!" He pointed at her beam cannons. "You blasted an entire street down there, and it almost got us!"

Detective Hashimoto looked almost relieved that someone said it. Detective Bishop was relieved that a Glendale cop was the one who said it.

"Thank you, Officer Hamdon," Detective Bishop said, before turning to Haines and Sanchez. "Special Agent Haines, Agent Sanchez, he's right. Finding the kids isn't going to be a problem… and we really should be addressing Special Investigator Bouger's reckless performance of her duty today."

"Reckless?!" Tara shrieked.

"I'll say!" Elise said as she walked onto the scene.

Tara looked at her, her face flashing with fury. Were her body not immobilized by the birdlime, she might have done something she'd immediately regret. "YOU!"

"And I, ahead of everyone else, insist on looking at Miss Bouger's suit telemetry."

Haines turned to her. "And you are…?"

Detective Bishop gestured to Elise. "This is Elise Dinkleman from the firm Baxter and Taylor. She represents the kids–"

"Baxter and Taylor?!" Haines said in surprise. "Now, how did a bunch of cosplaying kids get a legal heavyweight like you on their side? Is one of them a billionaire playboy wannabe?"

Elise smiled. "I'm actually being paid by Hyuuga Heavy Industries to represent them, FBI Special Agent Steve Haines, host of The Underbelly of Paradise."

Haines and Sanchez froze, while Detectives Bishop and Hashimoto tensed.

Tara blanched, much like she had when Elise first introduced herself as an attorney with Baxter and Taylor.

Though that could've been the blood loss.

"I'm going to be blunt," Elise said. "There was a skirmish here, my clients were involved, and my clients have instructed me to pursue criminal charges of assault, assault with a deadly weapon, battery, attempted murder, and criminal threats with Hate Crime enhancement against Miss Bouger on their behalf due to Miss Bouger's actions towards them that led to…"

Elise gestured to Tara. "This."

The FBI Agents, the Police Detectives, Boxter and Jeb, and all the EMTs looked at Tara.

Tara, her mouth hanging open, tried to find words to say in her defense… until she remembered that all of her suit data—the same data she insisted would vindicate her insistences—was full of her damning conduct during the battle against those brats.

Looking from Elise to Bishop, Hashimoto, Haines, Sanchez, Jeb, and finally Boxter, Tara tried to say something, anything, but there was just nothing.

So instead, she pretended to faint and dropped back limp.

Down in the Beetle Battle Base, Janna turned to the others as she gestured to the screen showing this all go down.

"And that, everybody, is why having a Fixer is sweet."

The others broke into cheers or laughter at that—with nary an ounce of sympathy for Tara Bouger.

= - = 10-8 = - =​

Welcome to Echo Creek, where the bad guys get packed out.