Public Perception
New
The Ero-Sennin
Shitposter no more
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- Oct 2, 2014
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Holy schedule slip, Batman, I really let myself go! Oh well, let's rectify that.
With the facilities of his scrap yard up and running, Noxic was able to repair his heavily damaged body much faster than normal. Despite being entirely devastated by Tara's blast the night before, he was already more than eighty percent repaired, which Barla found curious.
"Noxic," the Mercenary Warrior spoke. "Why do you not self-repair like your Scabs?"
Noxic, who was getting his armored body worked on by a few Scabs using everything from fine tools to soldering irons and welding torches, turned his head 180 to look at her.
"Scabs are too cheap! Yeah with the Vespbot core I can regenerate on the fly, but if something takes it out, that's it! I can't be giving myself a weakness like that!"
Typhus, who was standing off to the side, nodded. "Yeah. You see how fast those kids deal with 'em, baby. Even with numbers on our side, they've gotten real good at tagging them."
Barla folded her arms. "And you can't place the cores anywhere else?"
"Like where, center mass where they'll be easier to hit? Or on a limb that might get taken off fast?" Noxic asked. "The Vespbots only work if they're connected! If the core gets lopped off the rest of the body crumbles."
He had a Scab manipulate his right arm to hook a thumb at himself. "As long as my software's intact, I don't need to self-repair!"
Barla's brow knitted. "Your software?"
Typhus nodded. "Yeah, Noxic's body is just a body, baby! Inside that noggin of his is the real Noxic!"
Jara walked up. "A computer virus that is, for all intents and purposes, immortal—so long as his head survives."
"And there ain't a thing that can knock my noggin! Not even Vexor!" Noxic boasted.
Barla turned to Jara and saluted her crisply. "Jara."
Jara returned the salute and nodded to her. "I finished my reconnaissance. That anti-teleportation barrier is still interfering, but it doesn't appear that the human authorities are aware that the house is their base."
Barla smirked. "Not yet."
"Hey, speakin' of bodies," Noxic called. "What's the deal with that armor, huh? It's got more bells and whistles than I've ever built in a bot. It's probably more powerful than Death Launcher!"
Barla looked at Noxic, then down at her armor—particularly the dragon head that made up the chest plate.
"This armor is forged from the remains of a Black Star Eater that Jara and I slew."
"Yeah, you mentioned that," Noxic said, "The heck's a Star Eater?"
Typhus knew. "A pretty big deal, baby. It's exactly what the name says!"
Jara nodded. "Star Eaters are great space-faring dragons who feed upon stars. They are tremendously powerful, vastly ancient, and notoriously vindictive."
Noxic was impressed. "Whoa… those sound like bad news, and you two killed one?"
Barla gestured to her armor. "Yes. It was a very young Star Eater—a hatchling—but even then the hunt was perilous, relentless, and nearly killed the two of us many times over."
"It is honestly a good thing we were brought to this universe," Jara said. "If any other Star Eater came across us, it would not go well."
Barla laughed. "'Not go well' is a fabulous understatement! A proper adult would scour the surface of this planet clean in retaliation for killing one of its kin!"
"And chase us to the end of the universe," Jara chimed in.
"Physical and chronological," Barla finished with a nod.
"Yikes," Noxic said. "Just another reason to be glad we ain't in the Nightmare Realm anymore."
"That, and Macho Number 5," Typhus teased.
Noxic's head spun around twice before stopping to glare at Typhus. "WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!"
With a sudden burst of flame, Vexor abruptly appeared in the workshop, and the mood immediately chilled.
Jara and Barla stood at attention, while Typhus just let out a low growl.
Noxic would make a face if his wasn't mechanical. "Speaking of vastly ancient and notoriously vindictive…"
Vexor swept into the main area of the workshop, magnanimously choosing to ignore that. "Jara, your report?"
Jara turned to Vexor. "The authorities have not approached the house. They appear unaware that it has any connection to the Beetleborgs, Butterfly, and their allies."
"Curious," Vexor said. "I will need to gain more insight into this world's law enforcement, or—at the very least—this locality's law enforcement."
He turned to Noxic. "Would you be able to penetrate their communications networks?"
Noxic hummed in annoyance. "You think I ain't tried? Fun fact, I tried to set off this world's nukes as a gag, but all that junk's air-gapped! And there's a buncha quantumania with their high-level security, too. I can't bypass encrypts if the keys ain't even sure they exist!"
Vexor weighed this revelation. "Barla."
The Mercenary Warrior nodded to him. "Yes?"
"Do you suppose this world has police scanners?"
"I would be shocked if they did not."
"You or Jara, acquire one," Vexor said.
Both Mercenaries nodded.
Noxic grew indignant. "A police scan—why didn't you ask me for something like that?!"
"So I could get an honest explanation for your failure at cyber-espionage."
Noxic fell quiet. "Crab jerk."
Vexor chose to ignore that as well. It was simply blasé. "Is there anything else, Jara?"
"Yes," Jara said, "The enemy that attacked Noxic during his skirmish. I have identified them."
This was what Vexor wanted to hear. "Oh?"
"She officially goes by Major Blast II. She is a well-known, but controversial figure in this city and its surrounding lands. Despite claiming to be a hero… she seems broadly disliked throughout the city."
How interesting, Vexor didn't have to wait long. "Really?"
"No hero is without supporters, but it would seem Major Blast has a reputation for pursuing and driving off other heroes. This has made her broadly disliked among the public," Jara explained. "It would appear that she is exactly what you are looking for: someone whose pride will not allow them to be outshone."
"How fortuitous," Vexor said in contentment. "Someone strong enough, and with the exact mindset needed to be pitted against our other foes and drive them into a corner. All we need to do is give her… direction."
He turned to Typhus. "Can I entrust that to you, Typhus?"
"Yeah, that don't seem like a problem." Typhus turned to Barla. "Hey, Barla. You mind helpin' me out with that?"
"Of course. Do you have a plan in mind?"
"Yeah. Figure all I need are a few Jet Fighters and you. I'll draw Major Blast out, and give her that direction Vexor's lookin' for, baby."
Barla nodded, already understanding both Typhus's intent and the shape of the battlefield. "As you wish, you have my support."
Noxic was happy to assist. "I'll get those fighters set up for you real quick. You're gonna need a lot of 'em, I think Major Blast has something nasty up her sleeve with that suit of hers."
Vexor turned to Noxic. "Hm?"
Being surprisingly forthcoming, Noxic answered Vexor. "Yeah, there was somethin' about that beam blast that felt familiar. You get hit with enough magic nonsense and you start to be able to detect it, and that energy got the same vibe as that Princess' magic."
Jara and Barla were both surprised.
"You didn't think to mention this sooner?!" Jara yelled.
"Gimme a break, it ain't gonna change what's about to happen when Typhus is done with her!"
Vexor brightened. "Oho! A very interesting revelation. I dare wonder what the connection is, and sincerely hope that I will not wait too long to have my curiosity satisfied. I leave it to you."
With that, Vexor vanished back to his lair.
Dipper thundered down the stairs of Shermie's home, rushed through the house, and burst out into the backyard, where Mabel and Misao were already waiting by the picnic benches set up in the yard. Star was with them, Dimensional Scissors in hand, and carving open a portal as an amazed Kelly Hamdon stared at the portal.
"No, but seriously… that is amazing? How do they work?" Kelly asked.
Star turned to her. "Magic!"
Kelly's face fell. "… Uhh… how does the magic work?"
Star waved her hand back and forth in a dismissive gesture. "There's a whole thing about sticking your hands in hobo stew, it's a whole complicated metaphor and I'm still running on vibes until I figure it out."
She looked at the door and saw Dipper. "Morning, Dipper! I'm going back to the Beetle Battle Base!"
Tossing the scissors to Mabel, she jumped through the portal. "Bye~!"
Misao, eyeing Kelly's Shooting Star Special, just numbly waved after her. "… Auf Wiedersehen~"
Mabel held a hand over her eyes. "You're still in a Mabel Juice crash."
She turned to her brother. "Hey, Dipper, you won't believe this–"
"I read the message," Dipper said before he addressed Kelly. "Can you tell us about SheZow?"
Kelly stared at Dipper, mouth hanging open. "Uh…"
"Yes, he's a stud," Mabel said. "Tighten it up, Kells!"
Dipper rolled his eyes as Kelly snapped out of it and quickly shook her head.
"Right, sorry. I have had a lot thrown at me since I got to Zoom! Between finding out you guys really do know FaithfulPony371, seeing actual freaking magic portal stuff, meeting BIG NANO in person, and now I'm here and–"
She turned to Mabel. "Your brother is freaking hot, and oh my god the caffeine and sugar rush is hitting."
Mabel took Kelly by the shoulders, and pulled her into a hug. "Okay, take a deep breath."
Kelly, her face buried in Mabel's chest, took a long, slow, calming breath.
Misao, taking advantage of her and Mabel's distraction, appropriated the Shooting Star Special from Kelly.
Mabel looked down at Kelly. "You good?"
"… I am learning things about myself…"
"Girls always are with me," Mabel said before tightening the hug. "Take another deep breath and then we'll sit down."
Dipper chuckled as he walked over to the picnic table and sat down. There were worse ways to have his morning interrupted.
After a few more deep breaths, Kelly pulled away from Mabel and sat down across from Dipper with Mabel directly next to her. Misao sat down beside Dipper, drinking the Shooting Star Special.
Honestly, Kelly was fine letting it go.
"You're still in a crash," Mabel warned again.
"And this is the hair of the dog that bit me," Misao retorted.
Mabel stopped, surprised she just learned the whole saying like that.
Dipper shook his head before speaking to Kelly. "So… you're SheZow's sidekick?"
Kelly placed her hands on the table, and got down to brass tacks. "One of them, yeah. I actually came here to ask you guys what's going on—because it's causing SheZow to freak out hardcore."
Dipper tilted his head. "Freak out?"
"Yeah, SheZow has a power called She-SP. Basically a precognition for danger that can even cause SheZow to transform from their alter ego, and this has been going on for months."
"Months…?" Dipper repeated, before quickly understanding. "This power's been reacting to Star, too."
Kelly nodded. "Exactly. The first She-SP trigger went off not long after Star began vlogging. It's only gotten worse since."
She reached into her purse and pulled out her phone and set it down. A few swipes later, a spreadsheet was projected into the air above it, showing a timeline of Magnavore attacks correlating with the number of transformations and their duration.
"This past week alone has been crazy. It's been basically every day at this point."
Dipper was impressed at Kelly's organized data compilation. "That's a lot of data. Is this something you like to do?"
Misao set down the frozen cappuccino. "I think we're skipping past an important question. If SheZow is still around, what are they doing? We could really use the help."
Her question took the wind completely out of Kelly's sails just as she was about to explain her affinity for collecting and organizing data. Stopping, she looked down at the table with a sigh.
"Oh, yeah… believe me, I've been asking that since Star showed up," Kelly revealed. "But… SheZow doesn't want to go out and fight for personal reasons."
Mabel had to ask. "Is it because she's really old?"
Kelly went from somber to confused. "Huh? No, SheZow isn't–"
She stopped and her eyes widened. "Oh… you're talking about the previous SheZow. She passed away back in 2010."
Dipper, Mabel, and Misao gave a start.
"It was that long ago?!" Dipper asked.
"Yeah," Kelly said. "My Great Aunt Agnès Monroe, she was the previous SheZow."
"She was your Graunty?!" Mabel said in amazement.
"Believe me, it was a shock to us when we found out…" Kelly said.
"Then the SheZow who was driven off by Tara… that was her successor," Misao said.
"… Yeah…"
Dipper looked at Kelly's hands, and saw no sign of the ring on her fingers. "SheZow is someone close to you, another relative? A sibling?"
Kelly flinched, but took a deep breath as she realized she was going to have to talk about this. "… Yeah, my twin brother, Guy."
The Pines Twins and Misao were once again taken aback.
"A guy named Guy is the current SheZow," Misao murmured. "The irony there is cosmic."
"He wears it well," Dipper said.
Mabel gave Kelly a knowing, sympathetic look. "Let me guess—you found SheZow's ring, and Guy put it on before you could as a bit."
Kelly nodded. "That's exactly what happened."
"Just twin things, am I right?" Mabel asked with a sage nod.
"Just twin things," Kelly agreed. "Honestly, he's fantastic as SheZow. He did way better back then than I could've done with the ring."
"So what happened?" Dipper asked.
Kelly sat back and sighed. "You all probably know the story. SheZow's villains all broke out of confinement and went on a rampage. We all went out together and spent a week straight rounding them up, before Tara swept in with the cops and chased down SheZow to try to arrest him, too."
Misao spoke up. "And that was enough?"
Kelly shook her head. "No… there was something else that happened after, that made Guy quit… it has to do with our dad."
Something clicked in Mabel's head. "Hang on… is your dad… a cop?"
Kelly's shoulders dropped. "I'm pretty sure you've all met him by now."
"We have," Mabel said through her teeth.
Dipper could only imagine it. "It goes that deep, huh?"
Kelly nodded. "Yeah, Guy is afraid to show himself as SheZow again because of it. I've tried to get him to go back out there and be a hero but…"
She closed her eyes and sighed.
"Our dad's a cop, yeah, but… he's a really good dad. Guy and I really care about him and he cares about us. Shoot, he's been worried about how Guy's been secluding himself away from everyone and tries to talk to him, but how are you going to talk to your dad about the fact you're the person he hates the most?"
Misao gasped. "Oh no, it's like that…"
Yep, it went deep.
Dipper sighed and got up. "No, that's legit. We have it pretty good because we have adults we can talk to about the crazy stuff we're dealing with… so I can't judge. I can't even imagine going through that."
Mabel shook her head. "Me neither. I feel so bad for you all."
He took his hat off and rubbed the top of his head. "But even if Guy doesn't want to be SheZow, we need his help with something."
Kelly was grateful that they weren't upset about SheZow's absence. "I can talk to him and see if he wants to come out, but… what is it?"
Dipper put his hat back on. "What do you know about the previous SheZows? I mean… the ones that go way back?"
Kelly raised her right eyebrow. "Uhh… as far as I know, SheZow has been in LA since the 1890s. Why?"
Dipper brightened some. "Do you know what happened during the Los Angeles Oil War?"
Kelly shrank. "Erm… I know SheZow's been around for a while? But I don't know the details about past SheZows besides that. All that lore kinda… died with Aunt Agnès."
Dipper dimmed. "… Oh."
He shrugged. "That's fine. SheZow may be sidelined, but that doesn't mean Guy can't help us."
Kelly perked up. "With what?"
"There's something at Hillhurst related to SheZow from those old days… and his ring is literally the key to opening it."
Kelly tilted her head. "… Key to what?"
Enraged could not begin to describe how Tara felt as she marched to the large green-and-magenta Toter-Hauled RV parked in the back of the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Office. Some nosy, obnoxious little weasel of a reporter had ripped the wind out of the sails of her debut and victory lap.
Worse, she had been forced to shut down all of her social media again over things that were not important and were none of their business!
"Robotics Gayly… the moment I find out who runs it, I will grind them into dust! They won't be able to breathe without a cop asking them about it!" She snarled. "Starting with that Maz Kepler brat!"
Tara was also annoyed that when Maz had been told to leave, he had immediately complied with the deputies on hand, and left without further prompting. She wanted to get him on something—anything—that would make him squirm! A weekend in county jail would've corrected his disrespectful behavior!
"I won't have my big push undermined," she declared as she reached the door. "My brand is on the brink of skyrocketing! Tara, the hero who saved Los Angeles from terrorists! I'll make national headlines!"
Just as she was about to open the door, a pair of men walked around from the front of the RV and toward her.
One of them, a clean-cut, photogenic man in his forties wearing a blue button-up polo and khaki pants, called to her. "A woman after my own heart. Agent Sanchez, is it really love at first sight if I've seen her on TV plenty of times?"
Beside him was a somewhat more serious-looking man wearing a pale blue shirt with a tie—but a similar pair of khakis. At the first man's question, Agent Sanchez shrugged as he sized up Tara and found her… wanting.
Tara stopped and looked at the two men, and she immediately recognized the photogenic man. "Steve Haines… you host Underbelly of Paradise."
"That's right," the first man said. "Special Agent Steve Haines, and this is my partner—Agent Andreas Sanchez."
Agent Sanchez nodded curtly, but said nothing.
Tara scowled at both men. "What are the feds doing, sending agents over to my task force?"
Agent Haines gestured to her. "A common goal—combating terrorism and protecting our shores from foreign infiltrators. You struck a pretty decisive blow, and Uncle Sam's decided that while the iron's hot… we're going to strike as hard as we can."
Tara's hands went to her hips, and she continued to scowl at both. "In other words, you're here to take command."
Agent Haines remained nonplussed in the face of her glare. "Not so much taking over. The FBI is joining the Magnavore Task Force and opening up the Bureau's wide-ranging assets to help round up and prosecute these terrorists. And I'm personally offering my own assets to help push the message—that America won't be pushed around by freaks in costumes who read too many comic books."
Tara sniffed—a wet, congested sound that made both men flinch slightly. "And I suppose you want a cut of my glory now that the Feds are involved?"
"Glory for glory," Agent Haines replied. "Let the Bureau have a little credit for taking down these sunbaked losers, and I'll cut you in on some of our action."
That gave Tara pause. "What kind of action…?"
Agent Sanchez glanced at Agent Haines, who smirked slightly.
"Some details on our Coyote hunt?"
Tara's brows shot up, and her hands dropped from her hips. "… Coyote is here? Has been here?"
Her curiosity turned to fury. "In my city?!"
Agent Haines raised his hands in a placating gesture. "The Pacific Standard heist and the Calipatria riot in June, and the Humane Labs fiasco in July. We might even have coyote tracks over at the Rodeo Drive heist a few weeks back, and if that's the case…"
He glanced over to Agent Sanchez, who finished. "… Then the Bureau will need additional firepower. Preferably the kind we don't need to go through Peregrine Law-mandated channels for."
Tara sniffed again. "And you can't just put together a Special Response Team?"
"By the time Washington gets off its ass to approve an escalation," Agent Haines continued, "Coyote might be off the grid again. We need rapid response, we need reaction, we need…"
Tara brightened, her lips curling into a smirk. "A hero to arrive in the nick of time."
She chuckled. "Throw in shutting down a newsletter, and I'm in."
Agent Haines smirked right back and extended his hand. "I'll add that to the pile."
Liking that, Tara took his hand and shook it firmly. "Major Blast, at your service, Special Agent Haines."
Agent Haines shook her hand with the same professional firmness. "Something big is coming to LA, Ms. Bouger. A lot of money is moving, and chatter on the backchannels is getting louder. With the Russians toothless and China in civil war, America is ripe for chaos next, and it's up to us to identify and eliminate the bad actors who'd make it happen."
"My money is on Brazil," Tara quipped as she let his hand go, then shook Agent Sanchez's.
"My money is on it being some connected mad scientist," the other agent said as he shook Tara's hand. "Brazil wouldn't dare try, they're soft."
Stepping back, Tara walked over to the door and grasped the handle. "I take it you'll be in touch, gentlemen?"
Agent Haines nodded. "As soon as Monday. Agent Sanchez and I still have to break the news to the other departments in the task force and establish the new hierarchy. I just thought you'd be first to know."
"You're so considerate," Tara said. "We should talk over lunch at the earliest convenience. Until then, boys~"
With that, she stepped inside her trailer and shut the door behind her.
Agent Sanchez looked at Agent Haines. "We're playing with fire, man. That bitch is deranged."
Agent Haines sneered as he turned to leave, gesturing for his partner to follow. "You don't get anywhere if you're afraid of a little heat, amigo. Now come on, we've got a house to clean."
Inside the trailer, Tara's own smile was gone as she marched down the length of the vehicle to where her Major Blast equipment stood, ready to be equipped at a moment's notice.
"Those fed bastards sent an obnoxious Hollywood E-Lister to be the face of my push?! Oh no, this is going to be over and done with before Monday, boys."
She raised her hand and snapped her fingers. The lights in the trailer immediately went out, and the gantry holding the armor hummed to life as holographic screens flickered on around it, displaying the powered armor's status.
Bathed in the green light, Tara stripped off her suit jacket and reached for her tie.
"By the end of today, those clowns and the wannabe brats playing hero against them will be history."
Down in El Sereno, at the site of last night's battle, Officers Hamdon and Wackerman sat in their cruiser at one of the entrances to the cordoned-off Night Market. Officers from other agencies of the task force were standing guard at the rest of the lot's entrances, while investigators surveyed the site itself.
In the driver's seat, Boxter drummed his fingers on the cruiser's steering wheel as he looked out the window at the cars passing by on the road.
He had been slow to wake up today. He almost called off, that was how deep he was in his turmoil about those kids.
Next to him, Officer Wackerman was watching a clip of Tara's press conference. "Hey, Boxter. That kid who used to hang out with Guy, his name was what, Max?"
Boxter, who was lost in his thoughts, needed a second to realize his partner was talking to him. "No, Jeb, his name's Maz. Maz Kepler."
Boxter knew exactly who he meant, even though Maz had scarcely been around in years. For years, Guy and Maz had been the best of friends getting into all sorts of mischief.
Then one day, Guy announced that he never wanted to hear Maz's name spoken again, let alone see him. Boxter even tried to talk to his son about it…
That went about as well as expected.
"Guy? What's going on with you and Maz?"
"Don't you say that jerk's name around me ever again. I'm done with his crap."
"What…? C'mon, Guy, you two are best friends-"
"We're not. Just drop it, okay?"
And that was that. Boxter tried talking to Maz's parents about it, but they were just as confused by the switch-up. Maz told them that he and Guy simply had a fight… and they weren't friends anymore.
Though he was despondent, unlike Guy.
Every so often he'd catch Maz hanging out with Kelly, but she was just as ambiguous about it as both of them were. And Maz wasn't the same enthusiastic kid he remembered. He never looked in Boxter's direction when they ran into each other—and avoided eye contact when he had no choice but to.
"What about him?" Boxter asked Jeb.
"It's the craziest thing, he was at Tara's press conference as a journalist. He asked some questions that sent Tara into a rage and she had him thrown out. It has to be the same guy, how many people name their kids Maz?"
Boxter shook his head, and chuckled a bit. "I'm not surprised, he and Kelly really don't like her."
Though it did surprise him that Maz was apparently working for the press. As contentious as the media could be, he was proud of the kid for finding a job like that at his age.
"You remember that girl from the golf course who tore into us, right?" Jeb asked. "A lot of kids are still fans of SheZow—even though Tara's done more to put bad guys away in just four years than SheZow did in fifty."
"They don't care about what Tara's done, only what they see," Boxter said. "Yeah, she's got a bad temper and she does act like she's entitled to people's respect… but she's done actual good. Like finally putting away all the villains SheZow could never keep locked up."
Jeb nodded. "Yeah. She jailed Cold Finger, Mega Monkey, Mocktopus, the entire Pushy Pirate Posse, and Big Chow Slim—the actual guy who was using the refugees from China to stir up trouble!"
"They've all been imprisoned for years since Tara drove SheZow out of town, when SheZow could barely keep them in for a week!" Boxter said. "I swear. Besides Tara, CCI getting rated for supervillains was the best thing to happen to this state."
"Did you hear that they already sent Shego up there?"
"Yeah… and hopefully these alleged monsters will get tossed in, too."
Just outside the police cordon, a portal opened and Jackie stepped out, followed by Star. To their dismay, officers were standing guard at every entrance while investigators from several different agencies surveyed the site.
"Shoot, there's a lot of them out today," Jackie murmured as she handed the Dimensional Scissors back to Star. "You want to come back later?"
Star narrowed her eyes at the scene, then looked at Jackie. "Nope, I'm cleaning up this mess. I don't care who tries to stop me."
Jackie gave Star a small smile. "This is why you're so cool."
As they approached the nearest entrance, where Hamdon and Wackerman's cruiser was parked, Jeb noticed them.
"Hey, Boxter, look," Jeb said as he pointed through the driver's-side window. "Two of them are headed this way."
Boxter looked and grimaced when he saw the girls. "Stay in the car, Jeb. Let me handle this."
Squawking the siren to get their attention, Boxter stepped out of the cruiser and shut the door behind him as Star and Jackie walked up.
"All right, hang on, you two," Boxter ordered.
Jackie held out her arm to stop Star before she could answer. "Bro, chill. We're just here to clean up the mess."
"This is still a crime scene," Boxter said. "You can't just be walking around here–"
"Crime scene? This was a battlefield!" Star protested.
"And the only person who did any of the damage this time was Major Karen," Jackie added. "Look, we're not even going to be here long, just let Star do her thing."
Reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose, Boxter sighed. "Come on—the last thing any of you kids should be doing is getting involved in this mess. It's too dangerous, fighting monsters, swinging around weapons, and don't get me started on that magic wand!"
Star looked at the handle of her wand sticking out of her purse, then at Boxter. "Huh? The only reason I'm on Earth is so I can learn to use my wand responsibly—or some junk!"
That threw Boxter off a bit. According to the information the task force had been given about the group, Star Butterfly claimed to be a magical princess from another dimension. Even the documentation Elise Dinkleman had provided corroborated the claim and insisted it was factual.
To him, it was just as likely that Star was just a girl who watched too much anime and was given some mad scientist's trinket to go crazy with it.
He could no longer reasonably deny that the wand did impossible things. That did not mean he had to believe the story about princesses and other dimensions.
So hearing her say something like that so naturally caught him between wondering if Star sincerely believed she was a magical princess from another dimension, or just that dedicated to the bit.
"Look, I can believe a lot of things—I've SEEN a lot of things. A super-genius chimpanzee, a mutant shark/octopus hybrid monster that ragebaits, and all of the ridiculous stunts SheZow could pull. But, listen to me… you're not a magical princess from another dimension. You're just a hyperactive teenage girl, who was given some kind of crazy idiot's superweapon, and all that anime you must've watched is paying dividends for you!"
Star and Jackie looked at each other then at the exasperated policeman.
"Dude, what?" Jackie asked.
Star was straight up offended as she held up the Dimensional Scissors. "Hello! These scissors let me travel between dimensions! You've seen me use them! If Elise hadn't told us we're not allowed to touch you? I'd be sending you straight to Mewni right now."
"It's more likely a mad scientist's portal device. Krei Tech was working on a portal machine a few years back!" Boxter argued.
That was news to Star. "Who?"
Jackie rolled her eyes before turning to her friend. "Star? Ignore this loser—he's just trying to make it make sense to himself."
Boxter quickly shook his head, realizing he misstepped. "I'm just worried about you kids!"
Both Star and Jackie stopped and stared at him.
Having their attention, Boxter took a deep breath. "I have two kids of my own, they're your age. The idea of them going out there and getting into danger like this keeps me up at night, and seeing you all fighting these monsters… and just how dangerous it is… I can't help but to be worried sick for you, too."
Jackie looked back at Boxter. "Dude… I get being worried. But when this crap started, my friends chose to fight those monsters."
Star put away her Scissors and pulled out her wand. "I've always been fighting monsters, even before I got my wand! It's practically my job!"
"I chose to fight these monsters, too. Just like how Kim Possible chooses to go out there and do actual good in the world. The only people who seem to have a problem with it are people like Tara, who is the world's neediest attention whore."
"And people like you," Star said. "People who immediately write us off as idiots who don't know what we're doing! I can't stand that!"
She turned and looked at the ruins of the Night Market, as her cheek marks began to glow.
"Everything that happened here—even though Tara caused it—is still our responsibility to make right. And as long as I have the power to do something to make it right, I will!"
Star raised her wand above her head as it too began to shine brightly.
"Because it's always the right thing to do!" Star declared as she swung the wand down. "Super Mega Cutie Kitten Clutter Cleaners!"
As with her previous casts of the spell, a veritable wave of civic-minded kittens in various adorable uniforms surged from the wand and raced across the entire ruined lot. Investigators at the scene jumped in surprise as the wave passed over melted ruins and exploded fuel tanks, leaving pristine market stalls and undamaged equipment in their wake.
Even the melted, ruined asphalt was repaired. The deep crater blasted into it vanished, leaving several surprised investigators who had been working inside it standing on smooth, level pavement.
Boxter stared in surprise at the sheer completeness of Star's work.
Yes, he'd seen the spell do this before, but this was so much more.
Jackie smiled at Star. "You could make so much money doing this."
Star turned up her nose. "Ah, but dearest Jacquelyn, this is merely the essential duty of royalty. To use our great power to help those in great need!"
Jackie let out a chuckle. "Noblesse oblige."
"Noblesse oblige!" Star said before quickly adding, "But, you know, for royalty."
"Right, right…!" Jackie quickly agreed as she giggled.
Before Boxter could say anything, a great commotion rose from across the street.
He looked back and saw crowds of people cheering wildly. Some stared in disbelief with cameras and phones in hand, while others had fallen to their knees, weeping with a mixture of joy, awe, and relief.
Just by looking at the crowd, he quickly realized who they were.
The people of the neighborhood. Local residents, vendors, and their employees—people who had come to behold the disaster and mourn the loss of the Night Market as they tried to figure out where they could possibly go from here.
Then, just like that, it was all back—their stands, their equipment… their entire livelihoods.
And Boxter felt it right in the pit of his stomach.
Tara had gone on television offering no real consolation or sympathy, celebrating her own achievement instead.
And these kids had come here just to fix what she broke.
As the crowd got ready to rush across the street to thank and praise Star, Jackie's phone rang and she looked at it. "We gotta go."
Star pulled out the Dimensional Scissors. "Yeah, we should get going before we get mobbed!"
Boxter turned back to them. "Hey, what? But you just…!"
Star opened the portal. "We can't stick around and bask in people's adoration all day! We've got stuff to do!"
"Yeah, dude," Jackie said as Star disappeared through the portal. "We're not actually in this for the clicks."
She followed Star through the portal, and it immediately vanished.
Boxter stared at the spot where the portal disappeared, then looked at Jeb as he stepped out of the cruiser and looked at the Night Market in amazement.
"Well, shoot," Jeb said. "If Tara was mad about how her presser went, she's going to be raging now."
Boxter blinked as it dawned on him… Jeb was right.
Well, that's another series for the crossover lol
= - = 10-3= - =
|Public Perception|
|Public Perception|
With the facilities of his scrap yard up and running, Noxic was able to repair his heavily damaged body much faster than normal. Despite being entirely devastated by Tara's blast the night before, he was already more than eighty percent repaired, which Barla found curious.
"Noxic," the Mercenary Warrior spoke. "Why do you not self-repair like your Scabs?"
Noxic, who was getting his armored body worked on by a few Scabs using everything from fine tools to soldering irons and welding torches, turned his head 180 to look at her.
"Scabs are too cheap! Yeah with the Vespbot core I can regenerate on the fly, but if something takes it out, that's it! I can't be giving myself a weakness like that!"
Typhus, who was standing off to the side, nodded. "Yeah. You see how fast those kids deal with 'em, baby. Even with numbers on our side, they've gotten real good at tagging them."
Barla folded her arms. "And you can't place the cores anywhere else?"
"Like where, center mass where they'll be easier to hit? Or on a limb that might get taken off fast?" Noxic asked. "The Vespbots only work if they're connected! If the core gets lopped off the rest of the body crumbles."
He had a Scab manipulate his right arm to hook a thumb at himself. "As long as my software's intact, I don't need to self-repair!"
Barla's brow knitted. "Your software?"
Typhus nodded. "Yeah, Noxic's body is just a body, baby! Inside that noggin of his is the real Noxic!"
Jara walked up. "A computer virus that is, for all intents and purposes, immortal—so long as his head survives."
"And there ain't a thing that can knock my noggin! Not even Vexor!" Noxic boasted.
Barla turned to Jara and saluted her crisply. "Jara."
Jara returned the salute and nodded to her. "I finished my reconnaissance. That anti-teleportation barrier is still interfering, but it doesn't appear that the human authorities are aware that the house is their base."
Barla smirked. "Not yet."
"Hey, speakin' of bodies," Noxic called. "What's the deal with that armor, huh? It's got more bells and whistles than I've ever built in a bot. It's probably more powerful than Death Launcher!"
Barla looked at Noxic, then down at her armor—particularly the dragon head that made up the chest plate.
"This armor is forged from the remains of a Black Star Eater that Jara and I slew."
"Yeah, you mentioned that," Noxic said, "The heck's a Star Eater?"
Typhus knew. "A pretty big deal, baby. It's exactly what the name says!"
Jara nodded. "Star Eaters are great space-faring dragons who feed upon stars. They are tremendously powerful, vastly ancient, and notoriously vindictive."
Noxic was impressed. "Whoa… those sound like bad news, and you two killed one?"
Barla gestured to her armor. "Yes. It was a very young Star Eater—a hatchling—but even then the hunt was perilous, relentless, and nearly killed the two of us many times over."
"It is honestly a good thing we were brought to this universe," Jara said. "If any other Star Eater came across us, it would not go well."
Barla laughed. "'Not go well' is a fabulous understatement! A proper adult would scour the surface of this planet clean in retaliation for killing one of its kin!"
"And chase us to the end of the universe," Jara chimed in.
"Physical and chronological," Barla finished with a nod.
"Yikes," Noxic said. "Just another reason to be glad we ain't in the Nightmare Realm anymore."
"That, and Macho Number 5," Typhus teased.
Noxic's head spun around twice before stopping to glare at Typhus. "WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!"
With a sudden burst of flame, Vexor abruptly appeared in the workshop, and the mood immediately chilled.
Jara and Barla stood at attention, while Typhus just let out a low growl.
Noxic would make a face if his wasn't mechanical. "Speaking of vastly ancient and notoriously vindictive…"
Vexor swept into the main area of the workshop, magnanimously choosing to ignore that. "Jara, your report?"
Jara turned to Vexor. "The authorities have not approached the house. They appear unaware that it has any connection to the Beetleborgs, Butterfly, and their allies."
"Curious," Vexor said. "I will need to gain more insight into this world's law enforcement, or—at the very least—this locality's law enforcement."
He turned to Noxic. "Would you be able to penetrate their communications networks?"
Noxic hummed in annoyance. "You think I ain't tried? Fun fact, I tried to set off this world's nukes as a gag, but all that junk's air-gapped! And there's a buncha quantumania with their high-level security, too. I can't bypass encrypts if the keys ain't even sure they exist!"
Vexor weighed this revelation. "Barla."
The Mercenary Warrior nodded to him. "Yes?"
"Do you suppose this world has police scanners?"
"I would be shocked if they did not."
"You or Jara, acquire one," Vexor said.
Both Mercenaries nodded.
Noxic grew indignant. "A police scan—why didn't you ask me for something like that?!"
"So I could get an honest explanation for your failure at cyber-espionage."
Noxic fell quiet. "Crab jerk."
Vexor chose to ignore that as well. It was simply blasé. "Is there anything else, Jara?"
"Yes," Jara said, "The enemy that attacked Noxic during his skirmish. I have identified them."
This was what Vexor wanted to hear. "Oh?"
"She officially goes by Major Blast II. She is a well-known, but controversial figure in this city and its surrounding lands. Despite claiming to be a hero… she seems broadly disliked throughout the city."
How interesting, Vexor didn't have to wait long. "Really?"
"No hero is without supporters, but it would seem Major Blast has a reputation for pursuing and driving off other heroes. This has made her broadly disliked among the public," Jara explained. "It would appear that she is exactly what you are looking for: someone whose pride will not allow them to be outshone."
"How fortuitous," Vexor said in contentment. "Someone strong enough, and with the exact mindset needed to be pitted against our other foes and drive them into a corner. All we need to do is give her… direction."
He turned to Typhus. "Can I entrust that to you, Typhus?"
"Yeah, that don't seem like a problem." Typhus turned to Barla. "Hey, Barla. You mind helpin' me out with that?"
"Of course. Do you have a plan in mind?"
"Yeah. Figure all I need are a few Jet Fighters and you. I'll draw Major Blast out, and give her that direction Vexor's lookin' for, baby."
Barla nodded, already understanding both Typhus's intent and the shape of the battlefield. "As you wish, you have my support."
Noxic was happy to assist. "I'll get those fighters set up for you real quick. You're gonna need a lot of 'em, I think Major Blast has something nasty up her sleeve with that suit of hers."
Vexor turned to Noxic. "Hm?"
Being surprisingly forthcoming, Noxic answered Vexor. "Yeah, there was somethin' about that beam blast that felt familiar. You get hit with enough magic nonsense and you start to be able to detect it, and that energy got the same vibe as that Princess' magic."
Jara and Barla were both surprised.
"You didn't think to mention this sooner?!" Jara yelled.
"Gimme a break, it ain't gonna change what's about to happen when Typhus is done with her!"
Vexor brightened. "Oho! A very interesting revelation. I dare wonder what the connection is, and sincerely hope that I will not wait too long to have my curiosity satisfied. I leave it to you."
With that, Vexor vanished back to his lair.
@@@@@
Dipper thundered down the stairs of Shermie's home, rushed through the house, and burst out into the backyard, where Mabel and Misao were already waiting by the picnic benches set up in the yard. Star was with them, Dimensional Scissors in hand, and carving open a portal as an amazed Kelly Hamdon stared at the portal.
"No, but seriously… that is amazing? How do they work?" Kelly asked.
Star turned to her. "Magic!"
Kelly's face fell. "… Uhh… how does the magic work?"
Star waved her hand back and forth in a dismissive gesture. "There's a whole thing about sticking your hands in hobo stew, it's a whole complicated metaphor and I'm still running on vibes until I figure it out."
She looked at the door and saw Dipper. "Morning, Dipper! I'm going back to the Beetle Battle Base!"
Tossing the scissors to Mabel, she jumped through the portal. "Bye~!"
Misao, eyeing Kelly's Shooting Star Special, just numbly waved after her. "… Auf Wiedersehen~"
Mabel held a hand over her eyes. "You're still in a Mabel Juice crash."
She turned to her brother. "Hey, Dipper, you won't believe this–"
"I read the message," Dipper said before he addressed Kelly. "Can you tell us about SheZow?"
Kelly stared at Dipper, mouth hanging open. "Uh…"
"Yes, he's a stud," Mabel said. "Tighten it up, Kells!"
Dipper rolled his eyes as Kelly snapped out of it and quickly shook her head.
"Right, sorry. I have had a lot thrown at me since I got to Zoom! Between finding out you guys really do know FaithfulPony371, seeing actual freaking magic portal stuff, meeting BIG NANO in person, and now I'm here and–"
She turned to Mabel. "Your brother is freaking hot, and oh my god the caffeine and sugar rush is hitting."
Mabel took Kelly by the shoulders, and pulled her into a hug. "Okay, take a deep breath."
Kelly, her face buried in Mabel's chest, took a long, slow, calming breath.
Misao, taking advantage of her and Mabel's distraction, appropriated the Shooting Star Special from Kelly.
Mabel looked down at Kelly. "You good?"
"… I am learning things about myself…"
"Girls always are with me," Mabel said before tightening the hug. "Take another deep breath and then we'll sit down."
Dipper chuckled as he walked over to the picnic table and sat down. There were worse ways to have his morning interrupted.
After a few more deep breaths, Kelly pulled away from Mabel and sat down across from Dipper with Mabel directly next to her. Misao sat down beside Dipper, drinking the Shooting Star Special.
Honestly, Kelly was fine letting it go.
"You're still in a crash," Mabel warned again.
"And this is the hair of the dog that bit me," Misao retorted.
Mabel stopped, surprised she just learned the whole saying like that.
Dipper shook his head before speaking to Kelly. "So… you're SheZow's sidekick?"
Kelly placed her hands on the table, and got down to brass tacks. "One of them, yeah. I actually came here to ask you guys what's going on—because it's causing SheZow to freak out hardcore."
Dipper tilted his head. "Freak out?"
"Yeah, SheZow has a power called She-SP. Basically a precognition for danger that can even cause SheZow to transform from their alter ego, and this has been going on for months."
"Months…?" Dipper repeated, before quickly understanding. "This power's been reacting to Star, too."
Kelly nodded. "Exactly. The first She-SP trigger went off not long after Star began vlogging. It's only gotten worse since."
She reached into her purse and pulled out her phone and set it down. A few swipes later, a spreadsheet was projected into the air above it, showing a timeline of Magnavore attacks correlating with the number of transformations and their duration.
"This past week alone has been crazy. It's been basically every day at this point."
Dipper was impressed at Kelly's organized data compilation. "That's a lot of data. Is this something you like to do?"
Misao set down the frozen cappuccino. "I think we're skipping past an important question. If SheZow is still around, what are they doing? We could really use the help."
Her question took the wind completely out of Kelly's sails just as she was about to explain her affinity for collecting and organizing data. Stopping, she looked down at the table with a sigh.
"Oh, yeah… believe me, I've been asking that since Star showed up," Kelly revealed. "But… SheZow doesn't want to go out and fight for personal reasons."
Mabel had to ask. "Is it because she's really old?"
Kelly went from somber to confused. "Huh? No, SheZow isn't–"
She stopped and her eyes widened. "Oh… you're talking about the previous SheZow. She passed away back in 2010."
Dipper, Mabel, and Misao gave a start.
"It was that long ago?!" Dipper asked.
"Yeah," Kelly said. "My Great Aunt Agnès Monroe, she was the previous SheZow."
"She was your Graunty?!" Mabel said in amazement.
"Believe me, it was a shock to us when we found out…" Kelly said.
"Then the SheZow who was driven off by Tara… that was her successor," Misao said.
"… Yeah…"
Dipper looked at Kelly's hands, and saw no sign of the ring on her fingers. "SheZow is someone close to you, another relative? A sibling?"
Kelly flinched, but took a deep breath as she realized she was going to have to talk about this. "… Yeah, my twin brother, Guy."
The Pines Twins and Misao were once again taken aback.
"A guy named Guy is the current SheZow," Misao murmured. "The irony there is cosmic."
"He wears it well," Dipper said.
Mabel gave Kelly a knowing, sympathetic look. "Let me guess—you found SheZow's ring, and Guy put it on before you could as a bit."
Kelly nodded. "That's exactly what happened."
"Just twin things, am I right?" Mabel asked with a sage nod.
"Just twin things," Kelly agreed. "Honestly, he's fantastic as SheZow. He did way better back then than I could've done with the ring."
"So what happened?" Dipper asked.
Kelly sat back and sighed. "You all probably know the story. SheZow's villains all broke out of confinement and went on a rampage. We all went out together and spent a week straight rounding them up, before Tara swept in with the cops and chased down SheZow to try to arrest him, too."
Misao spoke up. "And that was enough?"
Kelly shook her head. "No… there was something else that happened after, that made Guy quit… it has to do with our dad."
Something clicked in Mabel's head. "Hang on… is your dad… a cop?"
Kelly's shoulders dropped. "I'm pretty sure you've all met him by now."
"We have," Mabel said through her teeth.
Dipper could only imagine it. "It goes that deep, huh?"
Kelly nodded. "Yeah, Guy is afraid to show himself as SheZow again because of it. I've tried to get him to go back out there and be a hero but…"
She closed her eyes and sighed.
"Our dad's a cop, yeah, but… he's a really good dad. Guy and I really care about him and he cares about us. Shoot, he's been worried about how Guy's been secluding himself away from everyone and tries to talk to him, but how are you going to talk to your dad about the fact you're the person he hates the most?"
Misao gasped. "Oh no, it's like that…"
Yep, it went deep.
Dipper sighed and got up. "No, that's legit. We have it pretty good because we have adults we can talk to about the crazy stuff we're dealing with… so I can't judge. I can't even imagine going through that."
Mabel shook her head. "Me neither. I feel so bad for you all."
He took his hat off and rubbed the top of his head. "But even if Guy doesn't want to be SheZow, we need his help with something."
Kelly was grateful that they weren't upset about SheZow's absence. "I can talk to him and see if he wants to come out, but… what is it?"
Dipper put his hat back on. "What do you know about the previous SheZows? I mean… the ones that go way back?"
Kelly raised her right eyebrow. "Uhh… as far as I know, SheZow has been in LA since the 1890s. Why?"
Dipper brightened some. "Do you know what happened during the Los Angeles Oil War?"
Kelly shrank. "Erm… I know SheZow's been around for a while? But I don't know the details about past SheZows besides that. All that lore kinda… died with Aunt Agnès."
Dipper dimmed. "… Oh."
He shrugged. "That's fine. SheZow may be sidelined, but that doesn't mean Guy can't help us."
Kelly perked up. "With what?"
"There's something at Hillhurst related to SheZow from those old days… and his ring is literally the key to opening it."
Kelly tilted her head. "… Key to what?"
@@@@@
Enraged could not begin to describe how Tara felt as she marched to the large green-and-magenta Toter-Hauled RV parked in the back of the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Office. Some nosy, obnoxious little weasel of a reporter had ripped the wind out of the sails of her debut and victory lap.
Worse, she had been forced to shut down all of her social media again over things that were not important and were none of their business!
"Robotics Gayly… the moment I find out who runs it, I will grind them into dust! They won't be able to breathe without a cop asking them about it!" She snarled. "Starting with that Maz Kepler brat!"
Tara was also annoyed that when Maz had been told to leave, he had immediately complied with the deputies on hand, and left without further prompting. She wanted to get him on something—anything—that would make him squirm! A weekend in county jail would've corrected his disrespectful behavior!
"I won't have my big push undermined," she declared as she reached the door. "My brand is on the brink of skyrocketing! Tara, the hero who saved Los Angeles from terrorists! I'll make national headlines!"
Just as she was about to open the door, a pair of men walked around from the front of the RV and toward her.
One of them, a clean-cut, photogenic man in his forties wearing a blue button-up polo and khaki pants, called to her. "A woman after my own heart. Agent Sanchez, is it really love at first sight if I've seen her on TV plenty of times?"
Beside him was a somewhat more serious-looking man wearing a pale blue shirt with a tie—but a similar pair of khakis. At the first man's question, Agent Sanchez shrugged as he sized up Tara and found her… wanting.
Tara stopped and looked at the two men, and she immediately recognized the photogenic man. "Steve Haines… you host Underbelly of Paradise."
"That's right," the first man said. "Special Agent Steve Haines, and this is my partner—Agent Andreas Sanchez."
Agent Sanchez nodded curtly, but said nothing.
Tara scowled at both men. "What are the feds doing, sending agents over to my task force?"
Agent Haines gestured to her. "A common goal—combating terrorism and protecting our shores from foreign infiltrators. You struck a pretty decisive blow, and Uncle Sam's decided that while the iron's hot… we're going to strike as hard as we can."
Tara's hands went to her hips, and she continued to scowl at both. "In other words, you're here to take command."
Agent Haines remained nonplussed in the face of her glare. "Not so much taking over. The FBI is joining the Magnavore Task Force and opening up the Bureau's wide-ranging assets to help round up and prosecute these terrorists. And I'm personally offering my own assets to help push the message—that America won't be pushed around by freaks in costumes who read too many comic books."
Tara sniffed—a wet, congested sound that made both men flinch slightly. "And I suppose you want a cut of my glory now that the Feds are involved?"
"Glory for glory," Agent Haines replied. "Let the Bureau have a little credit for taking down these sunbaked losers, and I'll cut you in on some of our action."
That gave Tara pause. "What kind of action…?"
Agent Sanchez glanced at Agent Haines, who smirked slightly.
"Some details on our Coyote hunt?"
Tara's brows shot up, and her hands dropped from her hips. "… Coyote is here? Has been here?"
Her curiosity turned to fury. "In my city?!"
Agent Haines raised his hands in a placating gesture. "The Pacific Standard heist and the Calipatria riot in June, and the Humane Labs fiasco in July. We might even have coyote tracks over at the Rodeo Drive heist a few weeks back, and if that's the case…"
He glanced over to Agent Sanchez, who finished. "… Then the Bureau will need additional firepower. Preferably the kind we don't need to go through Peregrine Law-mandated channels for."
Tara sniffed again. "And you can't just put together a Special Response Team?"
"By the time Washington gets off its ass to approve an escalation," Agent Haines continued, "Coyote might be off the grid again. We need rapid response, we need reaction, we need…"
Tara brightened, her lips curling into a smirk. "A hero to arrive in the nick of time."
She chuckled. "Throw in shutting down a newsletter, and I'm in."
Agent Haines smirked right back and extended his hand. "I'll add that to the pile."
Liking that, Tara took his hand and shook it firmly. "Major Blast, at your service, Special Agent Haines."
Agent Haines shook her hand with the same professional firmness. "Something big is coming to LA, Ms. Bouger. A lot of money is moving, and chatter on the backchannels is getting louder. With the Russians toothless and China in civil war, America is ripe for chaos next, and it's up to us to identify and eliminate the bad actors who'd make it happen."
"My money is on Brazil," Tara quipped as she let his hand go, then shook Agent Sanchez's.
"My money is on it being some connected mad scientist," the other agent said as he shook Tara's hand. "Brazil wouldn't dare try, they're soft."
Stepping back, Tara walked over to the door and grasped the handle. "I take it you'll be in touch, gentlemen?"
Agent Haines nodded. "As soon as Monday. Agent Sanchez and I still have to break the news to the other departments in the task force and establish the new hierarchy. I just thought you'd be first to know."
"You're so considerate," Tara said. "We should talk over lunch at the earliest convenience. Until then, boys~"
With that, she stepped inside her trailer and shut the door behind her.
Agent Sanchez looked at Agent Haines. "We're playing with fire, man. That bitch is deranged."
Agent Haines sneered as he turned to leave, gesturing for his partner to follow. "You don't get anywhere if you're afraid of a little heat, amigo. Now come on, we've got a house to clean."
Inside the trailer, Tara's own smile was gone as she marched down the length of the vehicle to where her Major Blast equipment stood, ready to be equipped at a moment's notice.
"Those fed bastards sent an obnoxious Hollywood E-Lister to be the face of my push?! Oh no, this is going to be over and done with before Monday, boys."
She raised her hand and snapped her fingers. The lights in the trailer immediately went out, and the gantry holding the armor hummed to life as holographic screens flickered on around it, displaying the powered armor's status.
Bathed in the green light, Tara stripped off her suit jacket and reached for her tie.
"By the end of today, those clowns and the wannabe brats playing hero against them will be history."
@@@@@
Down in El Sereno, at the site of last night's battle, Officers Hamdon and Wackerman sat in their cruiser at one of the entrances to the cordoned-off Night Market. Officers from other agencies of the task force were standing guard at the rest of the lot's entrances, while investigators surveyed the site itself.
In the driver's seat, Boxter drummed his fingers on the cruiser's steering wheel as he looked out the window at the cars passing by on the road.
He had been slow to wake up today. He almost called off, that was how deep he was in his turmoil about those kids.
Next to him, Officer Wackerman was watching a clip of Tara's press conference. "Hey, Boxter. That kid who used to hang out with Guy, his name was what, Max?"
Boxter, who was lost in his thoughts, needed a second to realize his partner was talking to him. "No, Jeb, his name's Maz. Maz Kepler."
Boxter knew exactly who he meant, even though Maz had scarcely been around in years. For years, Guy and Maz had been the best of friends getting into all sorts of mischief.
Then one day, Guy announced that he never wanted to hear Maz's name spoken again, let alone see him. Boxter even tried to talk to his son about it…
That went about as well as expected.
"Guy? What's going on with you and Maz?"
"Don't you say that jerk's name around me ever again. I'm done with his crap."
"What…? C'mon, Guy, you two are best friends-"
"We're not. Just drop it, okay?"
And that was that. Boxter tried talking to Maz's parents about it, but they were just as confused by the switch-up. Maz told them that he and Guy simply had a fight… and they weren't friends anymore.
Though he was despondent, unlike Guy.
Every so often he'd catch Maz hanging out with Kelly, but she was just as ambiguous about it as both of them were. And Maz wasn't the same enthusiastic kid he remembered. He never looked in Boxter's direction when they ran into each other—and avoided eye contact when he had no choice but to.
"What about him?" Boxter asked Jeb.
"It's the craziest thing, he was at Tara's press conference as a journalist. He asked some questions that sent Tara into a rage and she had him thrown out. It has to be the same guy, how many people name their kids Maz?"
Boxter shook his head, and chuckled a bit. "I'm not surprised, he and Kelly really don't like her."
Though it did surprise him that Maz was apparently working for the press. As contentious as the media could be, he was proud of the kid for finding a job like that at his age.
"You remember that girl from the golf course who tore into us, right?" Jeb asked. "A lot of kids are still fans of SheZow—even though Tara's done more to put bad guys away in just four years than SheZow did in fifty."
"They don't care about what Tara's done, only what they see," Boxter said. "Yeah, she's got a bad temper and she does act like she's entitled to people's respect… but she's done actual good. Like finally putting away all the villains SheZow could never keep locked up."
Jeb nodded. "Yeah. She jailed Cold Finger, Mega Monkey, Mocktopus, the entire Pushy Pirate Posse, and Big Chow Slim—the actual guy who was using the refugees from China to stir up trouble!"
"They've all been imprisoned for years since Tara drove SheZow out of town, when SheZow could barely keep them in for a week!" Boxter said. "I swear. Besides Tara, CCI getting rated for supervillains was the best thing to happen to this state."
"Did you hear that they already sent Shego up there?"
"Yeah… and hopefully these alleged monsters will get tossed in, too."
Just outside the police cordon, a portal opened and Jackie stepped out, followed by Star. To their dismay, officers were standing guard at every entrance while investigators from several different agencies surveyed the site.
"Shoot, there's a lot of them out today," Jackie murmured as she handed the Dimensional Scissors back to Star. "You want to come back later?"
Star narrowed her eyes at the scene, then looked at Jackie. "Nope, I'm cleaning up this mess. I don't care who tries to stop me."
Jackie gave Star a small smile. "This is why you're so cool."
As they approached the nearest entrance, where Hamdon and Wackerman's cruiser was parked, Jeb noticed them.
"Hey, Boxter, look," Jeb said as he pointed through the driver's-side window. "Two of them are headed this way."
Boxter looked and grimaced when he saw the girls. "Stay in the car, Jeb. Let me handle this."
Squawking the siren to get their attention, Boxter stepped out of the cruiser and shut the door behind him as Star and Jackie walked up.
"All right, hang on, you two," Boxter ordered.
Jackie held out her arm to stop Star before she could answer. "Bro, chill. We're just here to clean up the mess."
"This is still a crime scene," Boxter said. "You can't just be walking around here–"
"Crime scene? This was a battlefield!" Star protested.
"And the only person who did any of the damage this time was Major Karen," Jackie added. "Look, we're not even going to be here long, just let Star do her thing."
Reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose, Boxter sighed. "Come on—the last thing any of you kids should be doing is getting involved in this mess. It's too dangerous, fighting monsters, swinging around weapons, and don't get me started on that magic wand!"
Star looked at the handle of her wand sticking out of her purse, then at Boxter. "Huh? The only reason I'm on Earth is so I can learn to use my wand responsibly—or some junk!"
That threw Boxter off a bit. According to the information the task force had been given about the group, Star Butterfly claimed to be a magical princess from another dimension. Even the documentation Elise Dinkleman had provided corroborated the claim and insisted it was factual.
To him, it was just as likely that Star was just a girl who watched too much anime and was given some mad scientist's trinket to go crazy with it.
He could no longer reasonably deny that the wand did impossible things. That did not mean he had to believe the story about princesses and other dimensions.
So hearing her say something like that so naturally caught him between wondering if Star sincerely believed she was a magical princess from another dimension, or just that dedicated to the bit.
"Look, I can believe a lot of things—I've SEEN a lot of things. A super-genius chimpanzee, a mutant shark/octopus hybrid monster that ragebaits, and all of the ridiculous stunts SheZow could pull. But, listen to me… you're not a magical princess from another dimension. You're just a hyperactive teenage girl, who was given some kind of crazy idiot's superweapon, and all that anime you must've watched is paying dividends for you!"
Star and Jackie looked at each other then at the exasperated policeman.
"Dude, what?" Jackie asked.
Star was straight up offended as she held up the Dimensional Scissors. "Hello! These scissors let me travel between dimensions! You've seen me use them! If Elise hadn't told us we're not allowed to touch you? I'd be sending you straight to Mewni right now."
"It's more likely a mad scientist's portal device. Krei Tech was working on a portal machine a few years back!" Boxter argued.
That was news to Star. "Who?"
Jackie rolled her eyes before turning to her friend. "Star? Ignore this loser—he's just trying to make it make sense to himself."
Boxter quickly shook his head, realizing he misstepped. "I'm just worried about you kids!"
Both Star and Jackie stopped and stared at him.
Having their attention, Boxter took a deep breath. "I have two kids of my own, they're your age. The idea of them going out there and getting into danger like this keeps me up at night, and seeing you all fighting these monsters… and just how dangerous it is… I can't help but to be worried sick for you, too."
Jackie looked back at Boxter. "Dude… I get being worried. But when this crap started, my friends chose to fight those monsters."
Star put away her Scissors and pulled out her wand. "I've always been fighting monsters, even before I got my wand! It's practically my job!"
"I chose to fight these monsters, too. Just like how Kim Possible chooses to go out there and do actual good in the world. The only people who seem to have a problem with it are people like Tara, who is the world's neediest attention whore."
"And people like you," Star said. "People who immediately write us off as idiots who don't know what we're doing! I can't stand that!"
She turned and looked at the ruins of the Night Market, as her cheek marks began to glow.
"Everything that happened here—even though Tara caused it—is still our responsibility to make right. And as long as I have the power to do something to make it right, I will!"
Star raised her wand above her head as it too began to shine brightly.
"Because it's always the right thing to do!" Star declared as she swung the wand down. "Super Mega Cutie Kitten Clutter Cleaners!"
As with her previous casts of the spell, a veritable wave of civic-minded kittens in various adorable uniforms surged from the wand and raced across the entire ruined lot. Investigators at the scene jumped in surprise as the wave passed over melted ruins and exploded fuel tanks, leaving pristine market stalls and undamaged equipment in their wake.
Even the melted, ruined asphalt was repaired. The deep crater blasted into it vanished, leaving several surprised investigators who had been working inside it standing on smooth, level pavement.
Boxter stared in surprise at the sheer completeness of Star's work.
Yes, he'd seen the spell do this before, but this was so much more.
Jackie smiled at Star. "You could make so much money doing this."
Star turned up her nose. "Ah, but dearest Jacquelyn, this is merely the essential duty of royalty. To use our great power to help those in great need!"
Jackie let out a chuckle. "Noblesse oblige."
"Noblesse oblige!" Star said before quickly adding, "But, you know, for royalty."
"Right, right…!" Jackie quickly agreed as she giggled.
Before Boxter could say anything, a great commotion rose from across the street.
He looked back and saw crowds of people cheering wildly. Some stared in disbelief with cameras and phones in hand, while others had fallen to their knees, weeping with a mixture of joy, awe, and relief.
Just by looking at the crowd, he quickly realized who they were.
The people of the neighborhood. Local residents, vendors, and their employees—people who had come to behold the disaster and mourn the loss of the Night Market as they tried to figure out where they could possibly go from here.
Then, just like that, it was all back—their stands, their equipment… their entire livelihoods.
And Boxter felt it right in the pit of his stomach.
Tara had gone on television offering no real consolation or sympathy, celebrating her own achievement instead.
And these kids had come here just to fix what she broke.
As the crowd got ready to rush across the street to thank and praise Star, Jackie's phone rang and she looked at it. "We gotta go."
Star pulled out the Dimensional Scissors. "Yeah, we should get going before we get mobbed!"
Boxter turned back to them. "Hey, what? But you just…!"
Star opened the portal. "We can't stick around and bask in people's adoration all day! We've got stuff to do!"
"Yeah, dude," Jackie said as Star disappeared through the portal. "We're not actually in this for the clicks."
She followed Star through the portal, and it immediately vanished.
Boxter stared at the spot where the portal disappeared, then looked at Jeb as he stepped out of the cruiser and looked at the Night Market in amazement.
"Well, shoot," Jeb said. "If Tara was mad about how her presser went, she's going to be raging now."
Boxter blinked as it dawned on him… Jeb was right.
= - = 10-3 = - =
Well, that's another series for the crossover lol