Madoka fights the Illuminati (PMMM) [DEAD]

Side Story #015 - Transfer Recommendation

FROM: CEO of XINJIANG TIANHE CORPORATION
TO: CEO of KANAME CORPORATION
SUBJECT: REGARDING TRANSFER OF INTERN L. LU

Dear Mrs J Kaname

As you know, in the last year, Xinjiang Tianhe Corporation was most fortunate, having hired a recent intern for the security department. Longwei Lu, an intern, managed to demonstrate considerable skill in matters of investigation after certain incidents. Indeed, he managed to discover certain details of intrigue amongst our fellow comrades, although there seems to be no clue he knows about the bigger picture. As such, due to the importance of your mission, I am recommending a transfer of unknowing personnel between us, under the guise of a corporate exchange program to ensure that no tampering occurs against you.

Here is a short profile of L. Lu for your reference, to aid you in making a decision.

NAME: LU, LONGWEI
LENGTH OF INTERNSHIP: SIX MONTHS
NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENTS: WRITING UP THE REPORT FOR THE TENDIES INCIDENT, CLEANING UP THE NOODLE INCIDENT, GETTING PERPETRATORS OF THE 2ND TENDIES INCIDENT
SKILLS: SERVING TENDIES, FINDING TENDIES, COOKING TENDIES, STORING TENDIES, CARRYING TENDIES, JAYWALKING, LIGHT INVESTIGATION
AGE: 17

In my own words, I have to say, he is pro-tendies.

Pardon the tendies, but as you know, tendies are good.

May you succeed against the Eternal Tendies Thief.

Reinhard Von Lohengramm rolled 1 die of 20 faces, total: 6

For: Side Story #016

Rolled on: February-23-2016, 09:32am

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6

 

Old LotIM Side Story #002

Article:

For all his lack of ideological fervour and social intelligence, Lord Eastasia, like all other Enlightened Lords and Ladies was still fiercely loyal to the cause of Illuminatism. This was because he could understand it. However, understanding does not necessitate that he subscribes to same theories of history the others did. For Lord South Pacific, Lord India and indeed the majority of the Illuminati, the world could be understood as matter and movement of forces and objects of human history. For him however, everything, from the Big Bang to his current situation, could be understood in terms of tendies.

Thus was the Tendies Dialectic:

---

In the beginning, the time before tendies, there was a singularity, from which all current tendies and lifeforms are derived. Due to the laws of physics, which allows tendies to have their properties of 'crispiness' and 'savouriness', this singularity broke down, causing the Big Bang. From the Big Bang, came the matter for stars in the form of clouds of cosmic dust. It is from this dust that tendies will eventually emerge.

A sufficient amount of time passes and the first star is formed. This process is repeated like the ticking of an oven timer heralding the coming of tendies. Soon enough, cosmic dust coalesces, forming a planet. Minerals and metals in this planet will be the source of the tendies' matter.

After the planet cools down, monocellular life emerges. This evolves into invertebrate life, which are not quite suitable for tendies, although lobster nuggets certainly have a special sub-tendies appeal to them. By the process of evolution, natural selection discriminating between the fit and the unfit, the first vertebrate was formed, Pikaia. It's descendants will eventually be the source of tendies, although, it will take a short amount of time for Gallus gallus to evolve.

The process of evolution weaves species into existence over the course of time. From the first vertebrate, reptiles emerge. From these reptiles, came dinosaurs and one branch diverged into mammals. Carnivorous dinosaurs sometimes found that small mammals were tasty. In this era, the tendies ate the tendies-eaters.

65 million years ago, some great cataclysm occurs, driving these proto-tendies into a huge extinction. Only the proto-avians survive, natural selection at its finest. The era of Mammalia has begun.

Eventually, Gallus gallus and Homo sapiens sapiens come into being. Finding these proto-tendies to be a reliable source of food, Gallus gallus is eventually domesticated. Human influence causes its evolution into Gallus gallus domesticus.

Natural history becomes less relevant here as human history begins. Within a few millennia, tendies will come into being.

---

Some time concurrent to this, the Eternal Enemy arrives on Earth. As much of a tendies-saboteur it is, Lord Eastasia has to acknowledge that it played some role in creating the circumstances for tendies' existence. However, it is in the the vein of tendies rotting away on a hot day, necessitating that new tendies be acquired. There is no praise for the Incubators here.

The first agricultural civilization emerges in the Middle East, a sad, sad place with very few tendies. Uruk is founded. Time passes. The king Gilgamesh starts his reign, becoming an oppressive tyrant of a being. Somewhere in Uruk, it is speculated that one of the first Puella Magi prays for someone to fight Gilgamesh. Her wish is granted when Enkidu comes into being. Enkidu betrays the people of Uruk, not subduing Gilgamesh. The human desire to not be oppressed, central to homo sapiens sapiens' existence, collectively activates once again and the essence of the Illuminati is formed. Such is the alleged origins of the Illuminati. Anyone would be angry if a leader took away their food and delayed the development of tendies.

History moves on.

---

Two civilisations emerge on either side of the Eurasian supercontinent. One is Rome, centered around the Mediterranean, the other China, centered around the river basins of Eastern Asia. Both of these will be critical to the development of chicken tendies.

---

In 15 B.C., the Celtic tribal federation, Noricum is incorporated in the Roman Empire proper. A major city, Vindobona, modern Vienna, is part of Noricum. Only with Vindobona, will Vienna develop and come into being.

---

The Dark Ages arrive. It is called the Dark Ages because there are no notable recipes for chicken tendies. On the other side of Eurasia, continued prosperity in China allows chicken dishes to develop, hence it is an admittedly Eurocentric term.

---

Gradually, after centuries of stagnation, Europe has recovered. It is now early modernity, the 1500s. In 1537 Poland, a small war occurs, almost extirpating the local chickens, hence the term "Chicken War". It is a critical time in the development of chicken tendies.

Time passes, the concept of chicken tendies floating in the subconsciousness of humanity. Wars start, started partly by hunger and want. The French Revolution is engineered by the Illuminati, which bands together women wanting bread. Bread is an important component in providing crumbs with which to cook tendies with. In this way, the Illuminati found a way to affect the pool of females that the Incubators can contract from.

In comes the 19th Century. The Viennese Schnitzel is now a part of German-Austrian culinary canon. The Illuminati triggers a somewhat unsuccessful series of revolutions in 1848. This causes German immigrants to flood over to the United States as dissidents look for a way to escape the Hohenzollerns, Hapsburgs and other mini-Gilgameshes of the era.

Schnitzel arrives in America.

---

Over time, schnitzel evolves into chicken fingers. Someone comes up with the idea to get the meat from chicken pectorals. On the Western Coast of the United States, Chinese immigrants come into contact with these chicken fingers, creating a new item of Chinese American cuisine. By word of mouth, these chicken fingers somehow make it back to China.

---

Time passes once again and by the 1990s, "Chicken tenders" have become a thing. A generation of socially withdrawn children is raised on them, some of them having the tenders used as a reward for good behaviour. The term "tenders" is corrupted into "tendies".

---

History is but a byproduct of the never-ending conflict of pro-tendies and anti-tendies forces, though they may not know it. The losers on the side of the American, French and Russian revolutions, have always opposed the development of chicken tendies through their reactionary movements. On the side of human development was the Illuminati, ever driving humanity to new lows and heights in a cycle of historical oscillation. In the end, in his interpretation, the Illuminati was responsible for the creation of the chicken tendies, which is why he owed his loyalty to it. By removing females from the labour force through contracts, the Incubators reduced the amount of available factory workers, slowing the further development ascension of the chicken tendies. In this regard, the Incubators were the 'supreme evil' of his worldview.

He was on the side of righteousness and justice. By strengthening humanity and by crushing parasites here and there, Lord Eastasia believed himself to be a hero.

Perhaps in the same way being processed into chicken tendies is a collective punishment for the dinosaurs' descendants for their ancestors' predation on humanity's ancestors, one day the Incubators will be punished by being processed, breaded and fried.

 

Side Story #016 - The Bloodshed Effect

I do not sponsor nor do I condone the characters, events, ideologies or actions in any of my fictional material.

Why is it that after great wars, revolutions, natural disasters, economic crises and other calamities, human history seems to almost, accelerate?

Consider for example, the French Revolution and its Reign of Terror, adding up to roughly 19233 deaths. Also consider, the crushing of the Rebellion in the Vendee, which lead to around 200000 deaths. Now consider the general context in which it occurred. Namely, while Europe was in the Age of Enlightenment, the vast majority of it, from Spain all the way to Russia, was a semi-feudal quagmire. The United Kingdom, a constitution monarchy, exception of the rule though it was, was reeling from the loss of its American colonies, so it wasn't exactly a shining city on the hill yet. Moreover, France was in the aftermath of a bankruptcy that had previously led to bread riots. Europe was burning.

In considering the context it occurred, the scale of the sudden re-transformation of Revolutionary France back into a continental power must be considered almost, dare I say... miraculous.

Do not confuse my observation with the assertion that history is driven by ideals and belief, I am in no way denying our Materialism and Dialectics in favour of mysticism. However, there definitely is a correlation between controlled bloodshed and political power.

Look at our First World War, the one we used to redistribute the balance of power to the Western Hemisphere and away from Germany. Even though millions died, as if the rich fields of Europe were fertilized by blood, Weimar Germany bloomed and bloomed until it approached the logical conclusion of its progress.

But Lord Steel, Lord Steel showed us the way, Lord Steel proved it, I must say. Instead of the measly hundred thousands associates Robespierre and etcetera, to the grail of Human History, he did offer 32 or or millions. As if he had realised that principle, he pushed the tidal wave of History down onto us wretched humans below, purging and cleansing us in a Noah's Flood of blood and gore. Baptised in it, the USSR was born again, great industrialization and increased output in production made possible by this tribute.

It's somewhat romantic, imaginary and quite possibly unsound, but perhaps humanity is capable of its own magic, a magic not facilitated by the Incubators, but rather, through a magick created through a sacrament of blood, offered brutally and callously to the hanging sword of Human History. This magic seems to be a manifestation of dialectical principles on the human scale. Destruction and creation are one. Oppression and liberation are one. Death and life are the same things and so forth...

According to our female agents, all the death and destruction have been of little purpose, as the Eternal Enemy says.

But if the above principle is true and we hope it is true, then it is simply a matter of scale.

If 32 million deaths can turn a backwards rural country into a superpower, what can 4 billion do for humanity?

Gretchen makes it possible. Gretchen can cleanse the Earth and in doing so, "elevate humanity to new heights". If the suffering of females has furthered the tyrannical march of history for 2000 years, the crushing and breaking of hundreds of thousands of limbs, the maiming of millions and the obliteration of billions, not just only young females, must appease human history to such an extent we shall become what we can only describe now as gods.

Indeed, the promise of Kriemhild Gretchen is beautiful.

Reinhard Von Lohengramm rolled 1 die of 20 faces, total: 1

For: Side Story #017

Rolled on: February-24-2016, 12:17am

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1

 

Side Story #017 - Dark Energy

As JP-845 sifted through her briefing papers in preparation for the coming operation, a strange thought came to her head. The somewhat solemn mood, which had oppressed her from thinking too much about JP-101's debacle was defogged by that somewhat comical thought.

Namely, there was a strange similarity in the actions she was about to engage in with the objectives of 1990s magical girl anime villains. A slight chuckle of bemusement came from her as she reflected over the cliche of the typical magical girl villain character concocting some deranged scheme to gather "dark energy" or some other nonsense. Creating talent shows, running jewelry business fronts, spreading plagues of hatred amongst the people and stealing the souls of innocents, it was truly something fantastical.

It was, however an old and overused formula, just like the old, tired belief that Satan manipulated the world in some sort of grand scheme to spread suffering throughout the world.

No, what she was going to try and accomplish, alongside her comrades, was something far less Antichrist-like. Even as the faith in the necessity of her own actions swelled, because of how removed it was from the spiritual, precisely because of how banal, rational and materialistic her version of "dark energy farming" was, her stomach tensed as her heart turned to the hope that divine Grace that would exonerate her from her truly wicked sins.

The logic was simple. Borrowing from JP-101, it was a matter of supply and demand, albeit in a negative light. If the supply of something bad increases, the demand for the thing that addressed it also increased. Her mission was to increase the supply of that which addressed the other problem. That supply that necessary for something else. There was no supernatural or rather superstitious "dark energy" or such behind it. It was simple economics.

Her lips stretched into a smile morosely, as John Calvin's words came back flooding to her. She was always going to sin. However, she way always also going to be redeemed by flesh and by blood, just as she had been in the past, just as she is redeemed now and just as she will be redeemed in the future.

"Excuse me madam, but what would you like?"The waitress had come by.

Quickly covering her notes, JP-845 shoved them back into her briefcase.

"Well... between the tonkatsu curry and the ebi furai... Hmm, that's a difficult choice. Come back to me in a minute, alright?"

Dismissed, the waitress went on her way to another table.

JP-845 found herself leaning towards the latter.

Reinhard Von Lohengramm rolled 1 die of 20 faces, total: 8

For: Side Story #18

Rolled on: February-29-2016, 02:50am

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8

 

Side Story #018 - Order 424

[Name redacted]

To all Mage-rank Illuminists under our area of jurisdiction:

Recently, we all have noticed a most worrying and concerning trend. There are elements within us that do not desire the consolidation of the world, the liquidation of unenlightened counter-revolutionaries and the summoning of our Messiah, Kriemhild Gretchen. These elements, cowards and pacifists that they are, word their beliefs that "war is not necessary" to overthrow the Last Oppressor's yoke over humanity. Instead, these elements advance such positions as "negotiation" and "working within the system", on the expectation that there is a greater political force in the cosmos who can stop the distortion of history by this species of parasites.

My order is that these individuals are to be considered counter-revolutionaries of the most dangerous kind, the ones who would seek to sap the strength of our sacred revolutionary cause and to introduce Fabian lies into our system of thought. As counter-revolutiuonaries, who have usurped our skillsets, I order that you are to round them up, imprison them and confiscate their assets. When Gretchen rises, they will be judged.

We will have war with the Incubators, only ending in their complete and utter extermination as aggressors and all traitorous pacifist pseudo-reformist "moderate" elements against this should be killed.

All Hail Kriemhild Gretchen!

Reinhard Von Lohengramm rolled 1 die of 20 faces, total: 7

For: Side Story #019

Rolled on: March-08-2016, 09:16pm

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7

 

Side Stories #019 - Blackmail


From: Kaname Junko
To: Mitakihara City Council members

My condolences for the tragedy that occurred amongst you. Mikuni Hisaomi, despite being an ardent opponent to some of Kaname Corporation's propositions, shall surely be missed by all of us. He was a man who fought for what he believed in and for that, I wish to express my dearest respect for him. He served nobly and courageously in order to maintain what he perceived as the proper order for the City and for that, he surely shall end up in the annals of history, despite the disgustingly false and untrue allegations being thrown at him.

So, in tribute of his efforts, I intend to stand as a candidate for the mayoral elections around the middle of April. In order to achieve this, it is a requirement that I am sponsored by you all. As a "dark horse" as to speak, I cannot realistically expect to simply walk into the council and become the mayor. However, you all have the capabilities to address that.

So please, for the sake of Mr Mikuni's memory, please do support my candidacy. It would be quite sad for any among you to repeat that tragedy, for surely it would mock Mr Mikuni's downfall.

Reinhard Von Lohengramm rolled 1 die of 20 faces, total: 8

For: #020

Rolled on: March-09-2016, 12:00am

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8

 

Side Story #020 - Finance

From: Kaname Junko
To: Mr Shizuki

Let's get straight to the point Mr Shizuki. You are small fry. Your common criminal "ninkyō dantai" are knights, I will accept that. They are knights of the gutter.

When you give a loan to some gambling addict, you're just doing small fry work. When you kidnap a drunkard's daughter as ransom for his gambling debts, you're just acting like a bunch of children. When you are your assorted procurers torment women and make them scream and commit suicide, I have to say "holy shit, you're all petty as fuck."

So, you know, when we "improved your kin's condition" and had their bodies branded with our Owls of Minerva, what we are trying to say to you is this:

• You will no longer lend money in Mitakihara or its vicinity.
• If you do lend continue to lend money, you and your family will have a "very good time" in the style of your now-sleeping kinsmen.

With this said, I'd love to have a discount for the guns you run. Just don't lend money. Don't lend money and you'll be fine, I will promise you that.
The name's Kaname.

Yours Sincerely,
Kaname Junko.

Reinhard Von Lohengramm rolled 1 die of 20 faces, total: 4

For: Side Story #021

Rolled on: March-09-2016, 12:23am

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4