Of Ice, Roasts, and Tiny Arms/Frostburn (Pokemon Fic)

[Tart]

Chapter 1

At first there was nothing, as there always had been for Kyurem. It had neither Ego nor emotions, an empty vessel.

It was what remained of something that was once glorious and complete.

Kyurem would have remained that way for the rest of its existence, a soulless, emotionless, vessel. At least it would have been like that if not for the sudden and intrusive flood of memories it, now he, had gotten.

Memories, emotions, not his own flooded the legendary dragon.

Kyurem was still a dragon, still the same legendary, it-he didn't suddenly become some sort of different being. But the memories, those belonging to a human, had given the empty vessel life. The empty void that was Kyurem was now filled with something.

Though whether those memories were good or bad was up for debate.

As Kyurem became self-conscious of everything, of his surroundings, the cave he was in, reconciling the past and his prior-unlife.

One burning question arose.

For something that was once an empty vessel, Kyurem had only one question with his new found emotions and life. One burning question that stood out from all others. A byproduct of the human memories that had sparked 'life' into Kyurem and filled that former emptiness.

As the memories settled and became organized. Kyurem formed his own ego, a sense of self based on the memories of that human in his mind, from a world Kyurem had never seen.

Then came the question.

"What the fuck is a Reddit?" Kyurem asked himself, truly awakening for the first time since…ever? Had Kyurem even truly been alive to begin with until now? All Kyurem knew from what his 'memories' told him was that whomever this Ghetsis fellow was…all signs indicated that his actions classified him as a complete and utter CHUD. "Heh, CHUDsis."

At least if Kyurem was using the human-slang correctly. Strange, the human language was miraculous for being able to make some of the most utterly insane yet accurate descriptions of things.

A desire to shitpost that wasn't Kyurem's own manifested.

In the absence of truth, and ideals. These memories gave Kyurem life, conscious, and the extreme desire to watch Japanese cartoons while eating hot chip.

"Bah, stupid cozy human memories…I wonder how much getting a pc and pokenet access would cost?" Kyurem wondered, despite his open 'disdain' for mortal comforts. Pacing around his cave and attempting to cup his chin to ponder. "Right, tiny arms…fucking Zekrom, dragon of Ideals? Ideally I'd have liked to keep the arms in the divorce, bastard."

Kyurem would have continued his rant if it were not for one pressing issue at the moment, CHUDsis. In particular, the plans the Team Plasma leader had as a 'backup', namely fusing Kyurem with Zekrom or Reshiram.

"Oh fuck that." Kyurem huffed, his breath creating several glaciers in the cave. As much as Kyurem loathed the dragons of truth and ideals. He had no intention of trading his newfound life, even if it meant being a…redditor, or whatever Kyurem was now. "Right. Got it, I know what I need to do."

Kyurem would hop the fuck out of Unova and migrate to another region. There were plenty of places Kyurem could go to avoid the CHUD of plasma and his ADHD son.

Thankfully Kyurem had some knowledge on how his powers worked.

Not like he would need to use them, Kyurem was going to be living the easy life once he went to that new region. Get a pc, some pokenet access, really kick back and enjoy being a shut-in Legendary. "Now where could I go? Somewhere nobody would recognize me? Maybe just go to Kanto and hope for the best? Meh, I'll just fly in that rough direction."

With that plan set, Kyurem immediately began sauntering out of the cave it had been situated in. It had a name, just not one Kyurem could recall or bring himself to care about.

Meh, Kyurem didn't have fond memories of the place anyways.

Or any memories prior to that messy divorce with Reshiram and Zekrom. Took Truth, Ideals, and the damn kids with them. Damn well left Kyurem in a messy situation with the whole ego death case and all that.

"...I want cup noodles." Kyurem muttered, looking up at the sky once he 'exited' the cave, or rather, when he made a big enough hole to leave. The cold air and snow pelted Kyurem's body, he had a feeling that he could control the weather to a degree. "Like riding a bike."

It was second nature to Kyurem, weather manipulation, he'd been doing it for…a long time? It was hard to measure the passage of time in his prior state.

Either way, manipulating the weather served Kyurem's purposes well.

The legendary dragon, the husk of Truth and Ideals was going to get out of dodge. No wannabe megalomaniac Chud was going to forcefully fuse Kyurem with either of his former divorcees.

"Screw Unova, screw Zekrom and Reshiram. And screw Chudsis." Kyurem muttered to itself. Using his ice type energy to increase the density of the snow in the surrounding area. Further manipulating and molding the ice around its 'wings' so that he could fly. "I don't know who Lysandre is either, but fuck him in particular too."

It was also during this time that Kyurem decided that he hated humans, and wanted nothing to do with them if he could help it. At least if the memories from this human were to be trusted.

Something to do with a 'Bul-ba-pedia' and a Pokemon 'Sub-red-it'?

"But humans do create the most interesting inventions." Kyurem pondered out loud to himself, which may not have been the healthiest form of communication. But Kyurem was already something of a 'shut-in' prior to these memories, and had no issues. "Damned humans, tempting me with their flying machines and tiny square boxes."

At least talking out loud to himself kept Kyurem from experiencing that thing humans called 'boredom'.

"Another stupid human concept, like their stupid 'laptops' and their fancy 'Starbucks'." Kyurem huffed out, annoyed that he now had to deal with the baggage of human 'emotions', and the knowledge of human 'technology'.

Even as Kyurem openly detested humans, and their inventions. A part of him could not help but crave the modern convenience offered by technology.

In other words, Kyurem was being a hypocrite.

Something the humans would say was, 'Mid' or 'Ass'.

Hypocrisy and slang aside.

Kyurem had not stopped his actions outside of his cave. The storm was dense enough, and now? Kyurem had one glorious wing to match the other, made entirely of Ice-type energy. After a few test flaps Kyurem nodded, impressed at his own craftsmanship.

With one massive flap from his wings, Kyurem took off unsteadily.

Flying was a novel experience, and one Kyurem had to take some time getting used to. It took some time, but Kyurem was now flying as gracefully as-well Kyurem didn't have any other Pokemon to compare to.

Most other Pokemon in the cave had been land-bound from what he could recall.

Leaving Unova was…a strange experience, Kyurem had thought he would have felt something, anything. He had technically lived here for ages after all. Even with the heavy snow, Kyurem could easily see the land below. The human cities, the Pokemon, and more as he flew.

But besides seeing the sites below, and looking at the land that should have been his home.

Kyurem felt nothing, neither hatred for what he was left to be, nor for being forgotten. Nor any particular love or attachment for any of the living creatures in the land below.

Then it hit him, Kyurem had nobody.

"Well. That sucks." Kyurem sighed. Continuing his flight, while stewing with these newfound thoughts and emotions.

Was this what humans called 'depression'? Why was there a need for any living being to feel or experience this?

Curse those humans and their detestable hormones.

"Stupid humans and their stupid-hmm?" Kyurem was just in the middle of pouting when he 'felt' something enter his storm. Something like him, but smaller, much smaller. He could feel their presence reaching out to him, there was a distinct curiosity behind this telepathic touch.

Which was easier said than done for whoever this pokemon was, Kyurem's snowstorm had made it hard for whoever this was to reach him.

Well, better to be polite. Whatever this presence was, it didn't try to attack Kyurem.

Kyurem lowered the intensity of his snowstorm, pausing in the middle of the air and allowing whoever this Pokemon was, to approach him.

Which left him surprised when the first thing the small flying pink thing said was-

"Holy Arceus! You're alive!?" Muttered the cute nasally voice of a flying pink…Mew? It flew around Kyurem excitedly, touching his body in various places without Kyurem's permission. "Wow! It really is you! I thought you were still in that chasm!"

Chasm? Wasn't it a cave-No wait.

Kyurem had other things to focus on, namely why this Mew seemed so surprised to see him, and how this Mew seemed to know who he was.

All Kyurem had to do was be polite and use the social skills he had to find this out. He would just use the human memories and ask this Mew.

"Yes, I am alive. Should I not be? Who are you?" Kyurem unintentionally growled out. Realizing too late that the human in his memories had all the social skills of a brick wall. Which didn't help his already nonexistent social skills.

Kyurem believed it was like…choosing an option in a Telltale game?

Thankfully the Mew didn't seem to be offended by Kyurem. In fact, it had gotten flustered when Kyurem suddenly spoke, like it hadn't expected him to know how to speak. "Ah! No-I mean. Sorry! It's just that I've been trying to talk to you for the longest time. I'd almost given up until today. I mean after the bid split I got really worried about your three-ah, sorry I'm rambling."

The Mew brought one of its tiny hands to its mouth and did the equivalent of clearing its throat.

"I'm Mew, and well. We are technically old friends, well me and the you before you split into three dragons. Basically I'm one of the Mew's in charge of the Unova region. It's a whole thing." Mew explained, crossing its arms and nodding to itself proudly. "As for why I was surprised, well, it's honestly a miracle you're alive. When you three split up, well…you weren't left with much. I tried my best to engage you. But there wasn't much going on up there."

"Which was a shame, you three were…you were a really good friend of mine since Hisui…"

Mew hung its shoulders when it got to the end of its explanation. Before immediately perking up and doing small excited circles around Kyurem's head. "But enough about that! Look at you! You're alive, and even flying! Everyone else will be so excited once they hear you in the group chat!"

Huh, for some reason Kyurem was happy to see this tiny Mew looking so chipper.

Wait.

"What group chat?" Kyurem asked, tilting his head confused.

Mew froze and just stared at Kyurem for a good long moment. After several seconds of this Mew spoke. "You know? The group chat for legendaries? It came with your legendary bundle. Arceus gave it to you when you were created."

Kyurem shook his head.

"Well I don't have it."

"You have the group chat! It was free with your bundle!" Mew seemed adamant now.

Unfortunately Kyurem was also a hundred percent sure he didn't have whatever this 'group' chat was. "I. Don't. Have. The. Group. Chat!"

This argument went on for several more hours, with many people down below in Unova confused as to why it had suddenly started snowing so hard during summer. Thankfully after some time, the argument ended and Mew promised to add Kyurem to the group chat.

"So not to pry, but why are you up here? We aren't exactly supposed to be seen by humans. Didn't end too well last time, especially here." Mew asked, hovering by Kyurem's face. "Are you planning on moving or something? Ooh! I know a perfect spot under a truck. We can hang out there-"

Kyurem had to zone out Mew while he debated how to approach this topic. Was it normal for a legendary Pokemon to relocate to another region? Would he get in trouble for this?

"I want to leave Unova, and find a home." Kyurem spoke, interrupting Mew's rant about the comforts of living under a vehicle. Kyurem let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, creating a small freezing mist. "Unova was where I was born, but it is not my home. I wish to find such a place, a home. I don't believe I'll find that here, Mew."

Mew went quiet for a moment, staring at Kyurem wide-eyed. Before letting out a series of excited giggling and plopping itself right on top of Kyurem's head.

"In that case let's go, did you have a place in mind?" Mew chuckled while tapping Kyurem's head with its paws. "We should probably get going soon then, humans will probably investigate here soon."

Well that was easy-wait 'we'?

"Don't you have responsibilities to Unova-" Kyurem questioned. Suddenly concerned by the ease at which Mew was hopping on board the band wagon for leaving Unova.

"Meh. It's fine, I'll tell one of the other Mews to keep an eye on Unova instead. I think I earned a break anyways. Besides! I've had nobody to talk to since Reshiram and Zekrom went to sleep. And we're old friends! Now let's go!" Mew shrugged before excitedly slapping its paws on Kyurem's head, urging him to leave. "Wait, where were you going again?"

Huh.

Kyurem hadn't exactly known what to expect from this conversation, but he supposed having Mew around couldn't hurt. "Fine, but not because I need you or anything. As for where I'm going, Kanto? Or possibly Hoenn?"

"Huh, well if you can't decide then keep going until you find something interesting!" Mew exclaimed while pointing off towards a random direction. "Not like time means much to us, being ageless and all that."

Keep going until he found something? Hmm.

"Perhaps." Kyurem said, pondering the fact that he wasn't limited to a lifespan. Plenty of time to find a home and purpose now. It wasn't like that Plasma Chud was going to be following Kyurem around either. Chudsis probably didn't even know Kyurem existed yet. "Regardless, I am leaving Unova."

"Heck yeah! Let's go!" Mew said enthusiastically. Resuming the annoying bongo cat rhythm on Kyurem's head.

Kyurem opted to stay silent and just continue flying. Using his ice type energy to create another snowstorm and fly forwards. He didn't have a set destination other than leaving Unova, he also didn't have extensive knowledge on the current landscape.

Which meant relying on Mew.

Unfortunately Mew had the personality of a child flailing their hands around and saying random numbers. "Left! No wait, maybe right? Uhhhhh…"

Kyurem sighed.

This was going to be a long flight, wasn't it?

---

Flannery Pov

Flannery was having an awful, no good, terrible day. She'd been scolded by her grandfather and dad for trying to pet one of the gym Pokemon.

Which was totally uncalled for!

Her dad even called Flannery a child! Flannery was a respectable and grown six year old! She was old enough to pet whatever Pokemon she wanted to!

"Hmph. Stupid grandpa, stupid dad. Why can't I pet the Macargo's…they are super pettable…" Flannery pouted. Making her way to Mt.Chimney with a pokeball she had 'borrowed' from her grandfather without asking. "Fine, I'll catch my own cool Pokemon."

Taking the Pokeball wasn't hard to do, a bribe to the right Numel here, some scritches to the imported Arcanine there. It was strange how easily she got a Pokeball this time, but she chalked it up to good luck today.

"Hmm hmm hmm~ Gonna catch a cool Pokemon!" Flannery hummed. Trudging her way up to Mt. Chimney. She didn't quite have a preference for what Pokemon she was going to catch.

But given where she lived it was likely going to be a fire type.

Plus it was her grandfather's type specialty, it was expected that Flannery would end up being a Fire Specialist too. It was just that, sometimes she wanted to explore her own path. Find her own specialty.

Yes, Flannery knew that her parents and grandfather hoped she could take over.

But Flannery didn't want to be in their shadow, thinking about that responsibility, about what other people would think if she couldn't live up to that image. It weighed on her heart, and made her feel heavy, it was a cold feeling.

It made Flannery's body shiver physically.

"Wait, that's not me." Flannery realized. Then something cold touched her skin and made her jump. "Wah! Huh!? What is this…white cold thing? Is this…snow?"

Flannery extended a hand, catching a snowflake in her palm. Then another, and another. For the first time in her life, Flannery saw it snow in Lavaridge town. It began to cover everything, as Flannery stared at it all with starry eyes.

"It's, It's snowing! It's really snowing!" Flannery ran around, enjoying the cold weather as she excitedly ran up towards Mt. Chimney. Soon the snow started to pick up, not intensely, but enough to make it harder to see. "Uhg…wait. How am I gonna catch a Pokemon in this weather? No wait, I need to head inside!"

Flannery ran inside Mt. Chimney, realizing that the snow was going to be a problem in more ways than one.

No honest to goodness Fire-type Pokemon would be caught dead in this weather. Which meant that Flannery's plans of catching a starter were gonna go up in smoke. Worst, Flannery was pretty sure the snow would prevent her from going back to Lavaridge.

"Ohnoohnoohno." Flannery mumbled, panicking as the cold started setting in. Her earlier excitement at seeing the snow fading as the growing horror that she was trapped in Mount Chimney until the snow died down.

"No no, just remember what grandpa said." Flanney told herself. Heading deeper to Mount Chimney. The Gym had a facility at the center of the volcano she could hunker down in until the snowstorm passed.

The deeper Flannery walked, the more she noticed how few Pokemon there were. It was like they'd been scared off by something.

It made Flannery worry, what if her grandfather and dad didn't find her? What if she got lost forever?

At this rate she might end up-

"Huh? What's that…?" Then Flanner saw it. It looked like a Pokemon, but it was massive, intimidating and- "So…cool."

She had just made it to the center of the volcano when she saw something she'd never forget for the rest of her life.

A Pokemon.

It flew on massive icy wings, its body was grey and it had those striking yellow eyes. Flannery was sure she'd never seen a Pokemon quite like it before. It was like those stories her dad and grandfather told her about.

How some Pokemon stood out above others.

The Pokemon had landed in the middle of the Volcano, freezing the lava with just a single gesture. Flannery saw it open its mouth and then-

BOOOM

Start blasting a hole into the volcano. This Pokemon was creating a nest, or a home of some sort.

Each blast seemed to be timed with the beat of Flannery's heart. At that moment Flannery knew what Pokemon she wanted to catch. It was like destiny, this was going to be her starter. "I'm going to catch you."

Flannery clutched her Pokeball and started scaling down towards the center of the now inert volcano. Chasing after this mysterious Pokemon.

By the time Flannery reached the Pokemon, it had stopped whatever attack it was doing and simply looked around at the icy cave it made. For a moment Flannery thought she saw another Pokemon on the bigger one's head, but when she blinked it was gone.

"Who are you?" Flannery felt a chill go up her spine when she heard a deep scratchy voice speak inside her head. She tried looking around for the source, but the only living thing here was herself and- "I am speaking to you child."

Said the large Pokemon, taking several slow steps towards Flannery.

The distance let Flannery see just how much the Pokemon dwarfed her. It was easily the size of a building like the Pokemon Center. Which made Flannery realize that maybe following this Pokemon wasn't her best idea.

But she was too deep to stop now, and her grandfather always taught her to face any challenge head on!

"I-I'm Flannery! A future Pokemon Champion!" Flannery spoke up. Standing up tall and walking up to the Pokemon. Thrusting the Pokeball in her hand towards the giant Pokemon and declaring her intent. "And I want YOU to be my starter!"

There was a long silence that happened after that.

It was hard for Flannery to tell what the Pokemon was thinking, those yellow pupiless eyes just seemed to look at her. Gazing right through Flannery.

"Being a Pokemon Champion sucks. Way too much work. Think of a better goal, child." The Pokemon said. Huffing cold air before laying down. For some reason Flannery got the impression that the Pokemon was giving her a bored look. "I mean to begin with. Being champion means protecting the entire region. Doing a ton of paperwork. Plus answering to officials about politics and taxes."

"Huge waste of time. Try being a Frontier Brain or a Gym Leader kid. Way easier."

Huh?

"I-you-wha-" Flannery sputtered, not quite expecting her earlier tension to just shatter like this. She couldn't quite understand what the words meant, but according to this Pokemon. Being Champion…was a lot of work? "But doesn't being champion mean you can do whatever you want?"

"Pfffftthahahahhaha! No. Champions are expected to maintain the image of their region. Essentially, you'd have less freedom then a Gym Leader. You'd never be allowed to leave your region outside of important business." The more Flannery heard about what it meant to be Champion the less she liked it. She couldn't recall the last time the current Champion left the region either.

"Then-then what should I do?" Flannery asked hesitantly. It seemed like this Pokemon knew what it was talking about.

The Pokemon inclined its head in thought for a moment.

"Have you ever heard of the Honored One, Satoru Gojo?" The Pokemon suddenly said a name Flannery had never heard of before. It sounded Kantonian from the spelling though.

"No?" Flanner replied back. Kicking her feet awkwardly while hoping that didn't leave a bad impression on her future starter. "Is…is that a problem?"

The giant Pokemon let out a chuckle at Flannery's response, which made her feel small.

"No no, it's not a problem. Let me tell you about Satoru Gojo, and the art of no-diffing your opps."

Flannery was confused now, the Pokemon was using terms and words she'd never heard before. "Opps? No-diffing? What does it mean? Umm…also does this mean you'll be my starter?"

The Pokemon sighed before standing up, and walking right towards Flannery's Pokeball.

Booping it's head on the device and letting the red light engulf it. Three shakes later and Flannery had her new starter. That immediately bursted out of the Pokeball and continued talking. "I will explain it all in time. For now? We need to work on your ability to dap-up, and aura farm."

"Dap…up? Aura Farm?" Flannery was happy to have her starter. Even if they were confusing, even if she felt lost when it came to those new words she heard it using.

"Right, you'll need to take Auradynamics for that. Anyways, my name is Kyurem…and I require a PC…and internet access. I wish to make memes." The Pokemon said, confusing Flannery even more. But she decided to go with whatever Kyurem said, because it sounded like he knew what he was doing!

That's how Flannery ended up becoming an Ice and Dragon Specialist. Earning her name as the Honored Specialist (self-proclaimed by Kyurem), the Pokemon trainer with the most freedom.

---

A/N: Just an idea some friends on Discord told me to post after writing a bit about it.

 

[Raerae]

I love it

 

[Doctor]

This needs to exist like forever lol, watched.