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On a Pale Horse (Umamusume/Youjo Senki)

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So...looking over Umamusume Phalaenopsis...I was kinda surprised by the direction they went with, which is kind of an onna-bugeisha.
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She's got partial armor plating, and is dressed more like a samurai than a ninja. I think her platform shoes are supposed to reference geta sandals?

From what it looks like in her story, she's part of a training center that does martial arts, and she trains with a naginata and a daikyu. There's one story where she spars with Grass Wonder, and one where she tries to teach Special Week how to shoot a bow.

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With her calm demeanor and surprisingly deep voice, it really looks like they're going for a warrior woman vibe, particularly in the sort of silk hiding steel style that is a recurring cultural touchstone in Japanese culture. This, incidentally, makes her a pretty good counterpart to Shirogane, since Phalaenopsis is sort of big sister to some of the Golden Generation, including making mochi for them, or making meatballs stuffed with vegetables to get Narita Brian (her cousin) to eat vegetables...which means I've accidentally had Shirogane steal a bit of her role with the Golden Generation class, since they both play a sort of straight man role with the often goofy golden gen.

It seems like part of her story is that she is very determined to do well to honor the dojo that took her in, so that's another parallel with Shirogane, though her problems have more to do with health and endurance, so a kind of inversion to Shirogane's situation.

She talks in a kind of flowery, formal way, which contrasts with Shirogane speaking in a direct and blunt manner most of the time, even if their apparent temperament is fairly similar. Phalaenopsis seems designed to be very Japanese, so as a contrast to Shiro being obviously foreign, it can be emblematic of how this timeframe sees a big shift from the traditional big racing families to ones with added foreign blood.

This is going to make them pretty interesting as rivals, since instead of the sort of umadol vs dedicated racer thing I was expecting, it's going to be more of different cultures ideas of warrior women, with Phalaenopsis fitting the form more and Shirogane fitting the practice more.

Though what the heck am I supposed to do about Phalaenopsis supposedly being part of their class but just not shown? I had intended for her to be in the Tiara focused class...which I guess can still work.
 
WrandmWaffles said:
Though what the heck am I supposed to do about Phalaenopsis supposedly being part of their class but just not shown? I had intended for her to be in the Tiara focused class...which I guess can still work.
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Maybe she ended up in a different homeroom because adding Shiro changed the number of students?
 
WrandmWaffles said:
Though what the heck am I supposed to do about Phalaenopsis supposedly being part of their class but just not shown? I had intended for her to be in the Tiara focused class...which I guess can still work.
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Maybe imply that she was there but hmmm… no that might not work. The closest side is like off screen. She was there, logically you might have to re-edit some chapters include some of the dialogue, that's gonna be a pain to do though.
macdjord said:
Maybe she ended up in a different homeroom because adding Shiro changed the number of students?
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Oh this could work.
 
WrandmWaffles said:
Though what the heck am I supposed to do about Phalaenopsis supposedly being part of their class but just not shown? I had intended for her to be in the Tiara focused class...which I guess can still work.
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Perhaps a midseason transfer student? It happens often in high school anime. A new character/rival transfers in as a sixth ranger to mix up established social cliques and cause drama. Often gets revealed to be a spy or traitor.
 
Killdread said:
Alternative option: Just don't! You don't have to incorporate new characters recently revealed to have been there from the start, just ignore it.
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The problem is that he thinks this is a good rival character that probably actually make Shirō wanna improve emotionally… OK maybe not but you know.
Crispy Taco Shell said:
Perhaps a midseason transfer student? It happens often in high school anime. A new character/rival transfers in as a sixth ranger to mix up established social cliques and cause drama. Often gets revealed to be a spy or traitor.
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This could be a good idea?
 
Or perhaps she simply isn't part of his circle of close friends and classmates.
I don't understand the problem; it's quite common in manga, anime, and other school stories that you don't know all of your classmates, and in fact, in many you can get through the whole story without knowing the names of most of your classmates, only knowing the names of the main characters and some supporting ones.
You could simply say that this new Umamusume was always in the background and just never interacted with Shirogane beyond basic greetings.
 
Walberino69 said:
Or perhaps she simply isn't part of his circle of close friends and classmates.
I don't understand the problem; it's quite common in manga, anime, and other school stories that you don't know all of your classmates, and in fact, in many you can get through the whole story without knowing the names of most of your classmates, only knowing the names of the main characters and some supporting ones.
You could simply say that this new Umamusume was always in the background and just never interacted with Shirogane beyond basic greetings.
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The way their class is presented, as though it is just them. There were no mentions of other classmates. Or at least it is not presented that way.
 
WrandmWaffles said:
Though what the heck am I supposed to do about Phalaenopsis supposedly being part of their class but just not shown? I had intended for her to be in the Tiara focused class...which I guess can still work.
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macdjord said:
Maybe she ended up in a different homeroom because adding Shiro changed the number of students?
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I think that macdjord's suggestion is probably the best option that has been suggested so far if you want to change course on the direction you want to take for Phalaenopsis. The only real downside I can see to this would be that Phalaenopsis would have less opportunities to interact with the rest of Shiro's homeroom class. But I think with how you have individual students getting shuffled into other classrooms like Shiro has been with her advanced classes, I can imagine that at least some of her classmates have already interacted with her in other classes and she was probably just never brought up directly to Shiro.

That said, if you want to stay the course of what you've planned out you'll have my full support, as I think there are still plenty of interesting directions you could take her in this way.
 
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WrandmWaffles said:
Though what the heck am I supposed to do about Phalaenopsis supposedly being part of their class but just not shown? I had intended for her to be in the Tiara focused class...which I guess can still work.
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You know, being part of the class and not being shown doesn't necessarily have to contradict, and pretty sure that her class have more Uma's than what's name. This is a story about Shirogane, so it only shows the Uma's that regularly interact with her with their own personality. Her being outside of Shirogane social circle while in the same class isn't that outlandish considering how socially neutral both of them can be.

She probably did have interaction by virtue of sharing the same homeroom, but probably happen off-screen. With that being said, you can probably get away with having flashbacks of the few interaction they do have.
 
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WrandmWaffles said:
Though what the heck am I supposed to do about Phalaenopsis supposedly being part of their class but just not shown? I had intended for her to be in the Tiara focused class...which I guess can still work.
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When I was in high school, my class had 45 students; I interacted regularly with about 12 to 15 of them, and I was close friends with maybe five.
I didn't even know the full names of half the class, and there were some students with whom I don't think I ever had a casual conversation during the entire time we were together.
So, both of them could easily have been in the same class without ever having any casual interactions—and that wouldn't be a problem at all.
 
WrandmWaffles said:
Though what the heck am I supposed to do about Phalaenopsis supposedly being part of their class but just not shown? I had intended for her to be in the Tiara focused class...which I guess can still work.
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The main issue is that Ch. 9 went into too much detail about Shirogane's homeroom class and the classroom, with Shirogane being the first to arrive, noting every single person that enters until class starts, and noting how the classroom is filled up. This makes it hard to squeeze Phalaenopsis in later. The easiest way to have them all be in the same classroom is probably to edit Ch. 9 to remove the lines about the classroom being small or crowded, and add a few lines to show the presence of many other classmates that Shirogane just chooses to not focus on. For example, Shirogane can note more classmates coming in before the homeroom teacher arrives, and also note other classmates doing laps with them at the end of the day that simply aren't standing out to her. The goal is to imply that it's a typical ~40-person Japanese class size, like Shirogane's middle school class, and thus there are many more people present that simply don't get named until they become plot-relevant.
 
One of those class a,b,c type situations is best with Phala in another class of the same year. Shiro doesn't live on campus so there's still a plethora of time for the rest of the class to know Phala and let the author keep whatever dynamics they want involved.

It even sets up an easy first interaction if say Grass wants her fellow El wrangler to meet with her teammate as both will be running Tiara.
 
We also know from different character stories that it's not like all racers are in one class and everyone else is in another. We have scenes with girls like Mayano or Bakushin interacting with non-racer classmates, so presumably there are just a lot of extras in each class. One of those extras can just happen to be a racer.
 
macdjord said:
Maybe she ended up in a different homeroom because adding Shiro changed the number of students?
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bucketbot129 said:
One of those class a,b,c type situations is best with Phala in another class of the same year. Shiro doesn't live on campus so there's still a plethora of time for the rest of the class to know Phala and let the author keep whatever dynamics they want involved.
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This will probably be what I'm going with. The thought originally was that the 'colts' and 'fillies' are sorted into different classes for the most part, with the former being more focused on racing while the latter is more focused on the idol part of the sport. This does still work, though from her character stories Phalaenopsis isn't that umadol focused, so she's likely in the other class because of her being better at mile races, possibly also because her health isn't the greatest, so it was judged better to put her in the more performance oriented group.

Numina said:
The way their class is presented, as though it is just them. There were no mentions of other classmates. Or at least it is not presented that way.
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arky4444 said:
The main issue is that Ch. 9 went into too much detail about Shirogane's homeroom class and the classroom, with Shirogane being the first to arrive, noting every single person that enters until class starts, and noting how the classroom is filled up. This makes it hard to squeeze Phalaenopsis in later.
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This is based on the presentation in the show and game as well, given that the classroom shown is not particularly large, and they don't depict more members of the class beyond the Golden Generation 'colts'. They do show that there are other classes, such as Haru Urara being in a different one, but the specifics don't seem to be expanded on very much.

It made sense to me that the more promising runners would probably be put into separate classes from the general students, probably something like UA, hence why the classes are smaller. It is probably also better to not have very large classes of umamusume for academic purposes, since that can be troublesome enough with human students, let alone students who can break tables if they get spooked.

Pacificbobcat6er7 said:
The only real downside I can see to this would be that Phalaenopsis would have less opportunities to interact with the rest of Shiro's homeroom class.
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Phalaenopsis is in the Ritto Dorm, and she apparently is the type to cook for others (especially her cousin Narita Brian), so she's probably known to Special Week, at the very least, since they're in the same dorm. Phalaenopsis and Grass Wonder also have some interactions in the sporting facility since they apparently spar with naginata on occasion (it would probably be good for Shiro's mental health to do some fencing, not so much for the other person involved).

Shiro living in her own apartment and her relatively solitary nature means she doesn't interact as much with people not in her class, and won't run across them as much compared to if she lived in a dorm, so it is not too ridiculous that she doesn't interact with the umadol class very much for over a year, since for the most part their interests diverge.

This probably contributes to her reputation for sneaking up on people, because most of the other classes don't see her very often, and she isn't in the dorms so some of them might not entirely believe she's real.

Walberino69 said:
When I was in high school, my class had 45 students; I interacted regularly with about 12 to 15 of them, and I was close friends with maybe five.
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This is true in a school with large classes, but Tracen doesn't really depict itself in that manner, and you have a difference in closeness within the classes I've depicted too, even with them being much smaller. Shiro, for example, is close with Silence Suzuka, Air Groove, Grass Wonder and Mejiro Dober, and less close with some of her other seniors like Matikanefukikutaru.
 
WrandmWaffles said:
This will probably be what I'm going with. The thought originally was that the 'colts' and 'fillies' are sorted into different classes for the most part, with the former being more focused on racing while the latter is more focused on the idol part of the sport. This does still work, though from her character stories Phalaenopsis isn't that umadol focused, so she's likely in the other class because of her being better at mile races, possibly also because her health isn't the greatest, so it was judged better to put her in the more performance oriented group.
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I noticed that all of the Umas in Shirogane's class have at least a "C" in Long aptitude, while Phalaenopsis has an "F" in Long aptitude, so you could also justify it in-story as the classes being segregated based on distance aptitude. It would probably be best to simply not give any justification for how the classes are divided at all until/unless it becomes plot-relevant.
 
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FluffyVoid said:
I wonder how many times movie goers will spot her in the background of the action scenes. During a tense standoff you can see her at the bar slowly sipping her drink only to disappear without a trace when tensions lower, or when the heroes are pinned down by a sniper you can see her near by whittling away to pass the time.
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After the final fight, as the bad guy is bleeding out on the ground, we get a shot from his point of view as Shiro looms over him and reaches down to cover his eyes, then a hard cut to him laying dead in the street, alone, as the heroes holster their guns.
 
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