OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Izumi Ako.

Kasuga staggered into the nurse’s office, covered from head to toe on blood, her clothes torn.

“Ako-chan!” she gasped, trying to reach for her. “I… was attacked! Tell Negi-kun! They’re coming… for him!”

And she collapsed at the feet of the other girl.

Izumi looked at her for a moment before saying calmly, “Nice try, Misora, but I’ve fainted at the sight of blood long enough I can easily tell the real article from fakes by now.”

Misora pulled herself from the floor and walked back out the door, grouching. “Dammit!”

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Barbara Ann Minerva.

A dazed but goofily smiling Negi, with his pants torn and his shirt ripped, stumbled into the room, his whole body full of deep claw wounds and scratches, both fresh and not so much.

He made his way to the bottom bunk and dropped on it like a dead weight.

A bored looking Chisame stared at him from where she was dressing for the day. “Let me guess who were you with last night…”

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Sakurame Kirie.

She scowled, sitting down and hugging her legs against herself. "The mighty Negi Springfield..." she grumbled.

"I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations," he said.

She snorted. "Well! I guess it couldn't be helped. You're still a child, after all. And this IS a different timeline from mine. Maybe it's for the best that you never turn into that man."

He sat by her side. "Will you be okay?"

"No, of course I won't be okay," she said. "I'm lost far from home with no way back, without my fortune, a refugee of a world that doesn't exist anymore! And to boot, I'm trapped with an incompetent version of my childhood hero, a constant reminder that--" She paused and pinched the bridge of her tiny nose, shaking her head. "Never mind. There I go again, falling to pieces and taking it out on you. Just like I did with Touta."

She glanced aside at him, and managed a small, tired smile. "I'm just glad your life doesn't seem headed that way, actually. It's the best for you and your... friends."

"Do you think so?" he asked. "I had my doubts even before running into so many people telling me that what I do is wrong."

She laughed dryly. "Ha ha! What, gathering Pactio allies is wrong? Then they might as well just say the same about the Thousand Master."

He looked down guiltily. "No, there's more to it than that, actually. I haven't told you everything about us, actually."

"Ah?" Kirie said.

Negi sighed. "The real reason, I suspect, why this timeline branched away from yours so badly."

"What did you do?" she asked, regaining her suspectful attitude.

Negi paused before answering mildly. "Let's just say that, due to measures we have taken as a group, there shouldn't be any need for the program that resulted in your friend Touta in our future."

A large question mark appeared over Kirie's head. "What? Are you already making clones of yourselves?"

"He's making love to them, and from the looks of it, he's already left several of them pregnant," Cutlass said, entering the room still followed by a watchful Asuna and Setsuna.

Kirie froze in place with blank eyes, and Negi readied himself to be blown out the closest window any moment now.

It took Kirie a quarter of a minute to react enough to do so. Ah. The news had definitely hit her harder than he'd expected.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Hino Rei.

She knelt in silence before the ceremonial fire and considered what she had just seen.

Such an unfair world, leading to such an unfair result. She shuddered inwardly, trying to tell herself that perhaps, just this time, the visions were wrong. Or more likely, that she had misinterpreted them.

Her gut instinct, like Minako would call it, still told her otherwise.

Trying to keep her composure even to herself, she turned the flames off and spent a few minutes weeping silently, holding her face in her hands.

Yet, there was hope even in the face of disaster. And she had been offered a chance-- a duty, even-- of partaking in that salvation, even if in a way, arguably, it also could be interpreted as its own kind of damnation. But not being a selfish kind of person, Rei only could think of others. Such as her grandfather. And even her father. And Suzaku-kun. So many others, really.

She took a bath, dressed for the bed, and tried to sleep. The first couple of hours was spent in that continued state of quiet nervousness, staring at her ceiling and praying for further answers.

Tomorrow, she would go see Negi-sensei.

She fell asleep without even noticing it, and before she could get any of those extra answers to placate her soul.

Her dreams that night were, needlessly to say, troubled and agitated.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Hagakure Toru.

"Ahhhhh!" Sayo screamed at the sight of a set of clothes walking in on their own. "A ghost...!"

The visitor thought she had just heard a scream, and then the door she had just walked in through was slammed violently, as if someone had just left in a great, panicked hurry. She almost could swear the stomping of steps across the hall outside, too, until they grew fainter and finally disappeared.

Huh. So the guys at the academy had been right after all. Really, really strange things did happen in Mahora...

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Lalatina Dustiness Ford.

“I’m honored, I suppose,” Darkness said, “but I’m afraid I couldn’t have a relationship with Negi. He couldn’t fulfill my, ah, deepest needs.”

“Bull,” Yuuna said. “He can keep it going with several women all night long!”

“She doesn’t mean that,” Chisame said, “right, Darkness-san?”

The blonde nodded. “He doesn’t have it in him to give me the treatment my soul yearns for!”

“Oh, for the love of--!” Haruka said. “Are you going to let the chance of your life slip away just because of your sick masodistic quirk?!”

“It’s ‘masochistic’, Haruka-chan,” Yukino said.

“You sure are dumb,” Misora said bluntly. “What kind of moron likes to be mistreated and put down all the time?”

“Let her be!” Misa sneered. “We’re all the much better without a stupid cow like her around!”

“Yes, she isn’t even that good in a fight anyway,” Tsukuyomi opined.

Darkness was about to object something to this last bit, but Evangeline raised a leg and began slamming her bare sole down on the blonde’s head. “You imbecile! For once they’re completely right! You aren’t going to start arguing about your complete lack of worth…!” she said as she stomped Darkness’ head down repeatedly.

---

Darkness bowed deeply to Negi, a deep blush on her creamy face and several large bumps on her head. “I have changed my mind, I’m all yours now,” she told the puzzled boy. “I can tell my life calling is belonging to your harem as just another lovesick harlot with no sense of self…!”

“You’re not—“ he began, only to interrupt himself with a sigh and lightly bop a fist down on her head.

Well. It was a start, she thought.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Sessyoin Kiara.

“If True Enlightenment is reached through sexual practice, why do I still feel confused, disoriented and uncertain?” Negi inquired.

“All that means is that you haven’t had enough sex yet,” Kiara said sagely.

“I have had sex with a goddess, King Arthur, and my sister, not to mention dozens of my students,” he observed.

“Sex is not only measured through sheer numbers, although they certainly help to achieve total communion,” the woman intoned.

“How will I know when it’s enough then?” the boy asked.

“When all of us have achieved peace and happiness on each other,” Kiara pontificated, lovingly patting his head.

“Oh,” he blinked. “I see, thanks…”

---

“No, that’s cute and all,” Shadow Crystal Mage said, “but at which point will you stop?”

“I’m aiming for 150,” OverMaster said.

“That many?! Why that of all numbers?”

He shrugged. “I wanted to surpass Dark’s numbers, but after the Water Margin’s 108, the best I could think of was the 150 original Pokemon.”

“You’re seriously basing them after Pokemon?!”

“It’s not that objectifying!” OM protested. “Negi himself makes the 151th, the Mew…!”

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Jane Porter.

She smiled at him. "Tarzan, this wasn't an easy decision," she told him in the ape language he'd taught her. "My heart was torn between my world, yours, and his. But now, after thinking about it carefully... Well, I've decided to follow my heart. Yes, I'd like to stay here in the jungle, as... your mate."

"My mate?" Tarzan repeated.

She nodded. "Yes, I love you! And you love me as well, don't you?"

"Well, of course I do..." he said, scratching his head, "But as a dear friend, almost a sister. Jane, the truth is, as you said, this is my world, and it's given me a mate."

He reached over and pulled Terk close, holding her against his muscular chest. "Of course, you are always welcome to stay with us if you want so, Jane."

Terk gave a small, smug gorilla smirk and waved her fingers at the woman.

All of the color left Jane, from head to toe.

---

She stomped out of the thick bushes, angrily making her way over to the Gummi Ship. "I changed my mind!" she growled. "I'm coming with you!"

"Jane!" Negi gasped, while Riko, Donald and Goofy only raised their eyebrows. "Are you sure? What made you-"

"I really, really don't want to talk about that right now...!" she said from between clenched teeth.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Astraea.

They stepped onto the ring and faced each other. Negi smiled, willing to give her the good workout she had asked for.

"Were you aware," the well built blonde asked then, starting to tug her clothes off, "that the ancient Greeks used to wrestle in the nude?"

Negi blinked, then began to unbutton his pants obediently.

When in Greece, do as the Greeks do, after all.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Doreen Allene Green.

"That was good," she said, relaxing back on the mattress with a wide smile. "But I think I know a way to make it even better! Wanna see?"

Negi cuddled against her. "Please show me."

"You sure?" she cautioned, running a finger over his chest. "You might not like it"

He laughed softly. "I've survived Haruna and Tsukuyomi, I'm sure you can't do much worse!"

"You asked for it!" she said, then put two fingers in her mouth and whistled loudly.

Squirrels began coming out of every corner of the bedroom, chirping, waving their tails, quickly climbing onto the bed and swarming all over the two of them.

Negi winced visibly. "Oh, no!" he said. "Oh no no no no! Doreen, we definitely shouldn't be doing this! Make them stop...!"

She giggled.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus.

"Praetor, I have noticed that you rather enjoy Kotaro's company," she said.

Negi blinked. "Hadn't Moroha-san replaced him for these sketches?"

The blonde waved a hand. "Continuity is nebulous at best for these, Praetor. Please answer this question of mine, art thou fond of him?"

Negi doubted. "Fond of him? But... all we do is fight each other!"

Nero smiled. "Yet, that animosity is fraught with mutual attraction, I can tell. Much like that of Lady Ayaka and Lady Asuna. If you are concerned about the homosexual nature of such a relationship, I can handle that for thee!"

Negi frowned. "What, is your Imperial Privilege good even for that?"

"Sort of," she said, then produced a set of gigantic scissors and snipped the air with them. "Tell me, hath thou ever heard of the tale of Sporus...?"

Negi backed away, horrified.

---

Tamamo-no-Mae.

Nero pouted as she rested in the afterglow, at one side of Negi, with a frowning and sweaty Tamamo at the other.

"You are an inconsiderate man, Praetor," the blonde said. "Tricking us both into this, even while knowing of our mutual enmity..."

Negi raised a pointer finger and said, "Yet, that animosity is fraught with mutual attraction, I could tell. Much like that of Lady Ayaka and Lady Asuna..."

Tamamo grabbed her pillow and slammed it on Nero's head. "See?! I blame you for this!"

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Ookuchi Akira.

"I can't believe it," Sawako told the swimming team. "So all of you have fallen for Negi-sensei as well? Seriously?"

"Well, actually, I joined the collective just because Akira-chan was there," Uruka confessed.

"Same here," Ayuko said.

"Yeah, if not for Akira-chan, I wouldn't have taken an interest," Chinami nodded.

Nyamo-sensei looked down guiltily. "I had to follow my student around, and it's my duty to look after her..."

"I was unconvinced at first, but Akira-chan sold it to me!" Shirley said happily.

"Who could say no when it's Akira-chan asking?" Maaya said.

Kinuho sighed. "For Akira-chan, I even can endure Kakizaki and the Vice President...!"

"Akira-chan's always been so nice to me..." Nonokusa said shyly, "How could I abandon her like that...?"

Minami blushed adorably. "I'd follow Akira-chan anywhere..."

"Um, yes, that's right, what they said," Ami rubbed herself up and down an arm.

Sawako stared at them. "..."

Ayuko frowned. "Anything wrong with that?"

"I guess not," Sawako said, "but we might have to contact management and tell them to change the title..."

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

"Wow," she said, regaining her breath. "That was something else! I'm seeing spots all over..."

Negi sighed, reached over, and took off her leotard, which had just fallen off the top of the bed and onto her face.

"I'm still seeing them..." a goofily smiling Marinette insisted.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Paio Zi.

Much to his surprise, she bowed her head and fell to a knee before him. "I come here to surrender my services to your noble cause. My sword will be your sword now. Command me as you wish! Heil Ala Alba!"

Negi looked at her with wide eyed awe for a moment before scratching the back of his neck. "Um, thank you very much, all help is valuable right now, and of course, you're very powerful, but... might I ask what prompted this decision?"

"It's a personal matter," she said.

"Okay, but I need to know if I'm going to make a decision," he reasoned. "You're well aware that we are being hunted by the whole planet, aren't you?"

"Of course I am, do you take me for some sort of idiot?"

"Then why-- Okay, let's be honest here. Sorry if this comes as self centered and arrogant, but... are you attracted to me?"

"No. You don't have boobies, do you? But you're always surrounded by the best, finest boobies! Boobies of all sizes and the prettiest shapes! Big sexy boobies! Small cute boobies! Robot boobies! Beast girl boobies! Vampire boobies! Boobies from Vetus, and boobies from Magicus! I want to learn the secrets behind your Boob Magnetism, Lord Negi!"

He grimaced, clearly disturbed. "Secrets? There's no secret, I'm just myself..."

"I see. Well, I suspected as much, too. Some are just born lucky! No matter, I won't be able to get my hands on better boobies anywhere else!"

Negi frowned and wagged a finger. "I'm not the girls' owner! I doubt they'll want someone who is constantly ogling and fondling them without their consent! Unless you start behaving yourself, I'm afraid I'll have to--"

She pointed at the ermine sitting on his shoulder. "But he gets to stay!"

"..." Negi said, glancing at Chamo for a moment before sighing.

Chamo puffed on his cigarette. "Not so fast, Sister! This is a collective meant to provide the Springfield line with heirs! Someone who isn't willing to commit herself would be better off somewhere else, like, um, I heard Queen Iono is always recruiting!"

"Fine, I can do that," Paio said easily.

"You can," Negi repeated dubiously.

"Of course I can! Just because I'm a lesbian, it doesn't mean I won't ever want to have children! As long as you're a decent business partner, we always can be lifelong friends with benefits! Plus, the breasts grow with pregnancy and lactation, so the boobies will only get more wonderful from here! Even mine! Oh, I can't wait to touch my own improved boobies! I'm not only the founder of the Boobies Club for Ladies, I'm also its best--"

"Okay, okay, okay!" Negi threw his hands up. "You're in, and welcome! Just... Please, stop talking for a while! I have a headache now..."

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Wendy Marvell.

"Something wrong, Wendy?" Negi asked her, seeing her hesitate.

She shook her head uncomfortably, looking at the train. "N-No... No, it's nothing! It's just that, well, I'm a Dragon Slayer like Natsu, so..."

"Oh... Oh!" It dawned on him. "Of course, I should've thought of that before! Sorry, I'm such an idiot..."

"N-No, that's right!" she said. "You've had too many things on your mind! That's okay, I can and should control myself, I'll manage..."

She began stepping towards the car, but Negi stopped her, grabbing her by the hand.

She looked at him. "Professor?"

He smiled, drawing his staff out. "It's fine. There's always another way."

---

Chisame fumed quietly, looking out the window. "That's two tickets' worth of money wasted, right there."

"You are the one complaining?" Ayaka asked. "It was MY money!"

"It's not like you're hurting for it, grow up!" Asuna told her.

"I have money back in our world!" Ayaka reminded her. "Negi-sensei's fare cost me a fair lot of hard work!"

Carla, sitting on the lap of a nervously chuckling Lucy, folded her arms and smiled. "What's the matter, girls? Are you going to keep doing that all the rest of the trip?"

Up, up in the sky, Wendy clung happily to his back, and rested her head against the back of his. She closed her eyes and made a wide smile.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Melfina.

Haruna had taken him to a large chamber where the only visible feature was a huge tubular tank, attached to some archaic monitor panels and consoles. Within the container, filled with a clear, mostly translucent liquid, there floated a beautiful, slim young woman, totally naked and sporting short black hair.

"Haruna!" Negi gasped. "What is the meaning of this?!"

"This, Negi-kun, is Melfina, the ship's living interface," his student explained. "We need her in place to keep the Great Paru-sama flying. Say hi, Melfina-chan!"

The girl opened her eyes, further shocking Negi, who now could see, from the slight motions of her full breasts, that she was indeed somehow alive and breathing. She blinked slowly, a few more times, and then stretched an arm ahead, touching the tank's surface with her fingertips.

Negi replied by placing his on hers, separated by the thick glass. "Haruna... this is inhuman!" he said. "What did she ever do to deserve this?!"

"You aren't understanding, Negi-kun," Paru said. "She was created for this. Biologically engineered to interact with a whale ship. Relax! She only needs to be in there while we're flying. As soon as we land we'll take her out and you will get to meet her properly." She giggled to herself, taking a hand to her inflated belly and fully knowing what girls' meetings with Negi invariably led to.

"I see, what a relief," Negi breathed easier. He smiled at Melfina as he followed Haruna, who was gesturing at him to follow her back outside. "See you later, Miss Melfina. It's been a pleasure."

Haruna glanced back over her shoulder, to see the curious look in Melfina's large and bright brown eyes, and she chuckled. "Chisame's always been right!" she punched Negi's arm in their way out. "You do it on purpose, you shameless Casanova, you!"

"Huh?! I was just trying to be polite...!"

"Maybe we should just throw you overboard while there's still time. Mundus Magicus can still be saved!"

"Haruna, please, that's not funny at all...!"

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Chao Lingshen.

“Do you miss anyone from back there? Or should I mean back then?”

Getting to learn your friends had spent months if not years hiding whole secret lives from you meant that you had to either walk away from them or getting to know them all over again. Being a tolerant person and not having the means or excuses to ask Dad for a transfer meant Murakami Natsumi had to resort to the latter.

Now came Chao’s turn to be met all over again, as they sat in bikinis by the false seaside of Evangeline’s resort.

Chao hummed. “Not really. There’s a reason why I escaped that period, other than the whole dystopia thing. Although I guess both things were tied after all, yo. A harsh environment breeds harsh, unlikable people for the most part.”

“Yet you turned out social, and helpful,” Natsumi said. “There must’ve been someone you were close to, who motivated you…”

Chao said nothing for a few moments.

Natsumi blushed. “Oh! I’m so sorry! I, I, I didn’t mean to, I was just too curious and didn’t think it through! Of course you wouldn’t want to--!”

“No, that’s fine, I keep those people in my mind all the time anyway,” Chao sighed, grabbing a pebble and tossing it far into the sea.

“But you said you didn’t miss anyone.”

“I don’t miss them,” the genius replied. “I was taught there was no point on missing those who are gone, for you only hurt yourself in vain, yo. I just want to be glad they moved onto a better place, and that happened long before I made my way here. So there’s nobody I could return to anyway.”

Natsumi lowered her gaze. “I’m sorry.”

After a moment of doubt, she placed her hand on Chao’s and squeezed softly.

Chao smiled nostalgically. “Oh, you guys have spoiled me! That valuable lesson, on never missing anyone no matter what? You’ll make me forget it altogether, at this rate…”

And yet, she was thankful over this.

---

Housen Ryofu.

“Are you sure about this?”

The buxom, green haired, tanned young woman nodded. “Yes, I am. I also am, naturally, thankful over this great gift.”

“Don’t thank me yet!” the immortal hissed. “I hate being taken for granted by gnats like you! Look at yourself, foolish thing. So afraid that you don’t even consider the depths of the abyss you’re facing!”

“I’m a warrior,” Ryofu said bluntly, “and a warrior would rather brave hell on earth itself than surrendering to illness. That is not how I wish to die.”

“I didn’t wish to be this either,” Eva pointed at her own chest, “yet Fate asks for no one’s permission to play its hand.”

“I take the reins of my own fate.”

“And yet, you rely completely on my own will to bring this curse—not a gift—to you.”

“You seem completely happy with this great horrible curse by now,” Ryofu challenged the notion.

Eva smirked wickedly. “I have more than earned it, through conquering the darkness, rather than becoming its slave.”

“A feat I will duplicate,” the taller female boasted.

“So bold a claim. Most likely, you will walk into the light out of your own will, long before you can become a Daywalker. On your knees, then,” the vampire ordered, advancing towards her.

Ryofu obeyed and bared her neck.

“Welcome, foolish child. We will see if the power of your heart and mind matches that of your fist,” Evangeline said, huskily blowing onto her flesh, right before sinking her fangs in and giving her the kiss of undeath.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Sheba.

The country was its Queen, and the Queen was its country. Hence, there was no reason why they should not share a name.

Reclined majestically on her royal couch, this voluptuous, skimpily dressed exotic beauty smiled at the young foreigner standing on the lower steps of the stairs leading to her.

“So, a mage warrior on a quest,” Sheba mused, mischievously wiggling her ears. “And with a harem, too! Surely this is too much to be a coincidence!”

“It’s a collective, actually, Your Majesty,” Negi corrected her respectfully. “The difference being that—“

She waved a hand at him. “Trifles and technicalities, we are both above them. Well. You should be, at least, if you truly expect me to join this enterprise of yours.”

He bowed his head even deeper. “My Lady, only you can help us negotiate the necessary arrangements with the Djinn tribes. A whole world depends on it…”

“My heart will not be swayed that easily,” she said, beckoning him closer. “How many wives have you drawn into your harem?”

He sighed, seeing no point on discussing the terminology further. “One hundred and six.”

“A remarkable number for one so young,” Sheba said. “But if you are going to be a modern Solomon, you will need to match his numbers. Three hundred shall be, then.”

His eyes widened. “Three hundred?!”

She smiled sultrily and, as he rose up the stairs, she placed a tight hand on his shoulder as soon as he was in reach. “Are you afraid? The stories say your father had one thousand lovers. What is three hundred to you?”

He paused in mild bafflement, then said, “If that is your condition, I will strive to accomplish it. However, in the sake of fairness, then I dare asking for something in return.”

“Speak of it, then.”

He grabbed her hand and kissed it gallantly. “If I am to duplicate the Wise King’s feats, it is just fair for me to be allowed comparable resources. Human and otherwise.”

It was her turn to pause in mild surprise, and then smiled again, ruffling his hair. “Yes. You are correct. But I will not agree until you have proved your worth of having me as your hundred and seventh. Come to me,” she growled, grabbing him by the lapels and roughly pulling him against herself. “Show me your power as a King!”

Their lips collided passionately.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Lala Satalin Deviluke.

“Hey, Lala-chi,” Misa said. “Surely you could build a cloning machine so each one of us would have her own Negi-kun?”

“Ah ha ha ha, of course I can!” the pink haired princess laughed as carelessly as ever. “The necessary materials wouldn’t be easy to find in this planet, but my only price would be keeping the original Negi!”

“…” Kakizaki said. “On second thought, maybe we’re just fine as we are right now, okay?”

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Rapunzel of Corona.

"Ah!" she said, grabbing her hair and tossing it out through the window of the tower. "My beloved is here! I will-!"

Then she saw Negi hovering on his staff right before the window, smiling at her.

Raps frowned. "You don't get it, do you? This isn't how it's done! You're taking the romance out of it!"

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Kikukawa Yukino.

As usual, Haruka walked in without even knocking first.

"Negi-sensei!" she said loudly. "I can't find Yukino anywhere in this place, have you seen-- AAAARRRGHHH!"

Negi quickly hid under the sheets as Yukino sat up on the bed, small hickeys all over her chest and neck.

"Well, Haruka-chan," she began, "sooner or later, this gag was bound to happen with me walking in on you and being left heartbroken, so the only thing left for me was to turn the tables before it could come to pass..."

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Momo Belia Deviluke.

Chisame woke up earlier than usual that morning, heading over to the bathroom to pee.

On her way there, she stopped suddenly, gaping at an intruder.

Momo was sitting on the floor, using a brush to apply grease on the soles of Negi’s shoes.

Caught in the alien, the alien princess stared up at her. “Ummmm! I can explain…!”

An indignant Chisame pointed at her and shouted. “This is what you’ve done to Yuuki-senpai all the time, isn’t it?!”

---

Takebe Saori.

“Miho-chan, Miho-chan, guess what, guess what!” she broke excitedly into her friend’s bedroom. “I found myself a boyfriend!”

Miho smiled. “Oh, that’s wonderful, Saori-chan! Who is it?”

“The same one as everyone else’s, of course!”

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Nina Einstein.

"This is so unfair," she grouched.

"How so?" Chizuru asked calmly.

"Am I the first one to become an item with the Professor after having been exclusively attracted to women?" Nina argued, throwing her hands up. "No! Kuroko-san, Konoka-san, Tsukuyomi-san, Yukino-san, all of them count as such as well, but nobody teases them over it!"

"I feel your pain, believe me, I do," Chizuru said, quietly eyeing Ayaka while the blonde pulled herself up from the swimming pool.

"Am I the first one to ever be caught in the middle of pleasuring myself with an object?" Nina kept on ranting. "No, because the Professor is only one man after all! But nobody brings up Misa-san's toys while I'm labelled a table humper! Why is it always me? Why are all of you like this?!"

"It might be because you make the funniest reaction faces," Naba shrugged.

"What?! Of course I don't! Where did you get that--?" Nina began right before Chizuru pinched her nose while giggling.

Nina's whole face twisted exaggeratedly, and Chizuru started laughing.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Sairenji Haruna.

Asuna blinked in surprise as Chisame sat at the breakfast table. "Chisame, what happened to you?! You look as if Evangeline had just sucked you dry!"

"... even worse..." Chisame wheezed, with sunken eyes and a haunted face. "I just spent a whole night with the naughty Haruna..."

Paru almost choked on her glass of juice. "Nani?! But I slept with Ku-chan last night! And you never ended up like that when I-- when I--"

She trailed off as they watched Sairenji-senpai, wearing nothing but a pink towel thrown around her shoulders, walk past them, taking only a moment to smile and wink at the frozen Chisame before heading for the bathroom, tight firm ass swinging with each step.

Paru gave her drink a thoughtful sip. "If there's something I should've seen coming after sleeping with Nodoka..."

---

Ku Fei.

"I'm sorry, Negi-bouzou," she said, shaking her head and handing him the Winnie-the-Pooh plushie back. "You had beautiful intention, no doubt, and I'm thankful, but can't accept it... The Party would no understand, and my family is still in homeland..."

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Sakurazaki Setsuna.

“It has to hurt, don’t you think?” Haruhi observed as they watched Setsuna and Asuna spar.

Konoka looked at her. “Hurt? What would hurt?”

“Those wings,” Haruhi said, pointing at the large feathery appendages currently taking Setsuna up to avoid Asuna’s latest attack. “They sure are big, and all of that mass has to go somewhere in her small frame when she pulls them in. I’ll bet they aren’t a happy fit!”

Konoka looked slightly disturbed at this, which she hadn’t thought of before. For all of her flaws, Suzumiya-senpai was very clever. “I… I think her body must be adapted for that, don’t you think?”

“To some degree, of course, duh,” Suzumiya said condescendingly, “but just look at her face, too! How strained she is at all times, but when she plops ‘em out, she looks so much happier, as if a great constant pain had been taken off her. Imagine keeping up with that, every day, just for the sake of public appearances. Bad stuff, huh?”

“…” Konoka said, staring in mild, but growing, horror at Setchan’s angelic flying frame.

Haruhi sighed and dusted herself as she got up. “I’m hungry now. Think I’ll go for a bite with Satchan.”

And she left.

Konoka kept on staring, until a tiny tear trickled out a corner of her eye.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Tenjou Utena.

“Vile demon crow!” the dashing figure of long pink hair drew her wooden sword out. “Let go of the Princess, or taste the edge of my blade!”

“You are good and I am evil, so we stand opposite no matter what,” Setsuna deadpanned her lines while wearing an elaborate costume Zazie had designed. Demon battle fashion, Setsuna decided, was stupid. No wonder the angels always kicked their butts. “You will only have the lovely Princess upon my dead body.”

“I didn’t want for it to come to this. But alas!” the pink haired girl charged forward, starting to whack down on Setsuna. “The fates have decreed this!”

Setsuna took the first few fairly ineffective—for she was a true demon crow and Senpai was still only human, after all—hits without even blinking, but when the fifth impact rattled her, she grew annoyed. She raised the broomstick she’d been saddled it, blocked the next strike, and prepared to counterattack, but then…

“Ahem! Ahem!” Konoka coughed into a fist from the sidelines.

“Ow. I die with a bitter heart. Woe is me,” Setsuna flatly said from between clenched teeth as she let herself drop at Utena’s feet.

Utena lowered her head and closed her eyes and whispered a prayer for her foe. But then she opened them and smiled at the beautiful, small figure in a fancy Western dress.

“My Prince!” Negi said in a practiced girlish falsetto.

“Princess Negi!” Utena said, bravely hopping over Setsuna and running to embrace him.

They began Frenching passionately.

“Tenjou-senpai’s notion of the ideal foreplay is very strange,” Konoka mused while helping Setsuna back up.

“Tell me about it…” Setsuna groaned.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Gareth Orkney.

A long, long time ago, in a land far, far away:

"I have a terrible secret I must share with you," Gawain told his siblings.

"Oh my goodness," Gareth paled while Agravain looked indifferent. "W-What is it?"

Her dear brother, who had just returned from a campaign with the King and Lancelot, placed his hands on the table, as if to support himself on it. "One week ago, on our way back, I was in need of a bath. Just because the French say it, it's not like we all are always covered in shit but the King, after all."

"Go to the point," Agravain said stoically.

Gawain took a deep breath. "I undressed and headed for the river, but much to my surprise, someone was already bathing there, on his own..."

"I see," Agravain said, understanding immediately.

It took Gareth a bit longer. She blushed and gasped. "It... Was it THAT big...?!"

Gawain and Agravain stared at her. "I'm not talking about Sir Lancelot or his lance, dear sister."

Gareth blushed even harder. "What? No, no! You misunderstood! I'm not talking about him, I'm talking about, um, ah, who was it then? The king?"

"Aye," Gawain said with a heavy heart. "I retreated before he could notice my presence, but not before making an unsettling discovery... the King... Our Liege has no wee-wee!"

Gareth blinked. "Wee-wee?"

"You are a virginal maiden, but you surely are fully aware of the differences between men and women regardless, dear sister." Gawain said. "Otherwise our earlier dialogue makes no sense."

"I can see why you would be so shattered," Agravain said.

"Of course!" his brother replied. "Our poor Sire! No doubt he was mutilated during an earlier campaign! And none of us could protect him from that bitter fate! The Round Table as a whole has failed him! How can we call ourselves Knights?!"

"Ohhhh..." Gareth took a hand to her cheek. "Or maybe an evil mage took it away with a spell?"

"That's no excuse for us!" Gawain lamented. "If we were true knights, we could protect him from sorcery just as well!"

"This changes nothing, Gawain. A King isn't made by his wee-wee," Agravain said with a completely serious expression. "Regardless, this secret must stay and die with us. It would be a matter of lost national security, if the populace learned our lord has no wee-wee."

This last part was added with a discreet glance towards the door. At its other side, a fully armored Sir Mordred sighed in relief, supported against the wall and placing a hand on her chest.

Thank God! she thought. So I'm not defective after all...!

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Urd.

"Okay," she said, "if you're going to date us, you've got to be prepared for the downsides of being a part of the Asgardian family. Like Cousin Loki. He's going to try and trick you into sleeping with him and then fighting Thor, and he can change his shape, so he can appear to you as literally anyone. You've got to be extra careful."

Negi was obviously worried at the revelation. "How am I supposed to know when someone is actually him?"

"It's easy enough." She saw Peorth passing by the door and gestured at her. "Hey, Peorth! Come here for a moment, will you?"

The other goddess walked in, smiling sultrily. "Oui, Urd? Oh, are you and Negi interested in a threesome this early in the morning? I could be talked into it...!"

"Actually, we've just decided we want to overthrow Uncle Odin and take the throne of Asgard. Wanna join us?" Urd asked.

Peorth's eyes shone. "Do I...!"

Urd pointed at her. "Ah-hah! Loki!"

Peorth blinked in shock, and then turned into a Tom Hiddleston lookalike wearing a hat with horns. He shook a fist at her. "Curses, foiled again! You will pay for this, Urd!"

And he jumped out through the closest window.

"See?" Urd smiled at the stunned Negi. "That always works! He never can resist it!"

Another Peorth walked in. "Urd, why has Chamo just thanked me for a long night of sex? Has Loki been nosing around again...?"

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Shiina Sakurako.

“You’re a parasite,” the girl told the Mage of the Beginning, defiant even as the sharp black tendrils surrounded her. “A coward and a hypocrite who claims to love mankind, yet you also only know how to harm us. You’d just want to rule over a fake paradise of caged souls. To you we aren’t anything but puppets, no matter what you claim. Look at yourself! Even now, you are just using another’s body against his will, to do as you please! You haven’t ever respected others, much less loved them!”

Whether these words reached through to Nagi Springfield or Ialda Baoth herself, none could tell. Still, the combined entity paused before saying, “You are brave. But your words change nothing. I will listen, do not wish to listen, and do not have to listen. You will still do as everyone else, and—“

The tendrils closed in even further, but they, and the Mage’s words, were cut short by Asuna, springing back up with a fifth breath and slashing through extensions and creator alike, causing it to drop Sakurako on her butt.

Luck is a relative thing. It’s not always an all purpose key to defeat your opponent in the face of overwhelming impossible odds.

But sometimes, with just enough of it, and if you combine it with the resolve and strength of your spirit, it can make a small enough difference to let you live.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Tendo Nabiki.

“Of course I love you with all of my heart, silly!” she cooed, coddling up to Negi and putting his head between her breasts. “I’d love you just as much even if you were another boy with the same Ostian royal fortune…!”

---

Oosuki Mamako.

The woman smiled placidly and placed both hands on her own belly, making a smile that was as beautiful as it was melancholic.

“If it’s a boy,” she told Negi, “I think I’ll name him Masato.”

And so, everything came full circle.