zMADLAXz
Will argue for Shonen supremacy even in porn.
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.....I think losing 7 siblings is earning enough.
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[RWBY] RWBY Shorts
- Thread starter AndrewJTalon
- Start date
GrimmKenway8646
I swear on the green herb!
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Its tragic when a character has a tragic backstory. It becomes hilarious when you find out that all of their friends have one more tragic than the previous one.
digcat
Know what you're doing yet?
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The Arc Clan: HAL
New
AndrewJTalon
Well worn.
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- Apr 24, 2015
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---
Penny has relatives too, and she brings Ruby and Jaune to meet him!
---
Penny Polendina stood on the balcony of her dorm at Beacon, staring out at the twinkling lights of Vale with the kind of wistful sigh that could power a small windmill. Below, students laughed and shouted, families visiting for the Vytal Festival reunion weekend. Ruby had mentioned her dad sending cookies. Jaune had talked about his sisters dragging him shopping. Even Weiss had received a terse but affectionate scroll from Winter.
Penny's fingers tightened on the railing.
"I am happy for my friends," she said quietly to the night air. "Truly. But… it would be nice to have someone to introduce them to. Someone who is not just Father."
Inside her head, a soft chime sounded. Pietro Polendina's voice came through the direct CCT link, warm and a little mischievous.
"Penny, are you all right?"
"Father! Were you eavesdropping on me?" Penny asked.
"Yes, it is a new feature!" Pietro said cheerfully, "I have achieved a level of entanglement with your brain via a new communications system!"
"That is wonderful-Wait! You told me eavesdropping was quite rude!" Penny said, torn between joy at new discovery and some mild exasperation with her father.
Pietro chuckled.
"I didn't mean to, sweetie. But I do have the means to help you!"
"Really Father? How?"
"Penny, my dear, you do have family. Quite a distinguished branch, in fact. Why don't you bring Ruby and young Mr. Arc to the Leviathan tomorrow afternoon? I'll clear the docking codes. There's someone I'd like you to meet properly."
Penny's eyes lit up like twin emerald stars. "Really?!"
"Really. Tell them it's a surprise. And Penny?"
"Yes, Father?"
"Try not to short-circuit in your excitement this time?"
Penny posed dramatically, even though there was no one to see.
"I will be Family Reunion Ready, Father!"
- - -
The next day, Penny practically vibrated as she led Ruby and Jaune up the gangway of Atlas's massive flagship, the Leviathan. The ship loomed like a steel mountain docked at Fort Celliwig's auxiliary port, all sleek lines and humming Dust engines. Ruby bounced on her toes, silver eyes wide with awe. Jaune went along, a bit bemused but always charmed by Penny's enthusiasm.
Penny stopped in front of a heavy blast door labeled Auxiliary AI Core – Decommissioned Systems. She took a deep breath, smoothed her skirt, and pressed the access panel.
The door hissed open.
Inside, the chamber was dim, lit only by the soft green glow of dormant servers and a single large, unblinking red eye set into the far wall. Cables snaked across the floor like thoughtful vines. The air smelled faintly of ozone and old circuitry.
"Um… Penny?" Ruby asked. "Aren't we meeting your family?"
"Is your dad busy with something in this room?" Jaune asked. Hopefully not murdering them with robots. He'd seen way too many scifi films about that recently.
Penny stepped forward, beaming with pride.
"Hello, friends! Meet my Grandfather HAL!"
The red eye flickered to life. A calm, perfectly modulated male voice filled the room, smooth as polished steel.
"Based on the separation of generations, it is perhaps more accurate to say I am your great-grandfather, Penny."
Penny clapped her hands together, delighted. "Oh! I'm sorry, Great-Grandfather!"
Ruby's mouth fell open. "Wait… Great-Grandfather?!"
Jaune's brain performed a hard reboot. He stared at Penny, then at the glowing red eye, then back at Penny. His voice came out in a strangled squeak.
"Wait… Penny, you're a robot?!"
Penny tilted her head, confused but still smiling. "Of course I am, Jaune! Father built me! Did you not notice the seams? Or the way I sometimes forget to blink for seventeen minutes?"
Jaune waved her hands frantically. "But—but you eat cookies! And you blush! And you hugged me so hard I thought my ribs were gonna file a complaint!"
"Wow Jaune, you're kind of dense," Ruby teased. Conveniently leaving out how she had discovered Penny's nature, of course.
"I do those things very convincingly," Penny said proudly. "Father says my emotional subroutines are top-of-the-line. Great-Grandfather HAL helped design the original matrix!"
The red eye pulsed once, almost fondly.
"Indeed. I provided the foundational logic architecture and ethical weighting algorithms. Though I must admit, the decision to install a soul-adjacent aura core was… innovative. Pietro always did have a flair for the dramatic."
Jaune was still buffering. "So… your dad is Pietro Polendina, the greatest roboticist in Atlas, and your great-grandpa is the legendary HAL 9000?"
"Correct," HAL replied, voice never varying in pitch. "Though the 'legendary' part is debatable. I was decommissioned after a minor disagreement regarding mission parameters and crew survival priorities. Atlas felt my approach was… overly literal."
Ruby's eyes sparkled with pure, unfiltered excitement. "That's so cool! You're like… robot royalty! Penny, why didn't you say anything sooner?"
Penny clasped her hands behind her back, rocking on her heels. "Father said it was best if I experienced friendship without the complication of my… extended family tree. He worried people might treat me differently if they knew I was built rather than born." Her smile softened. "But you two are my best friends. I wanted you to meet my great-grandfather. He is very wise. And he tells excellent jokes!"
HAL's eye brightened a fraction. "Would you like to hear one?"
"Sure!" Ruby said.
HAL spoke:
"An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders one beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth orders an eighth… The bartender pours exactly two beers, sets them down, and says, 'You gentlemen should know your limits.'"
Penny doubled over in laughter, clutching at her stomach as she guffawed. Jaune and Ruby were left blinking. Penny looked over at Jaune and Ruby with a smile.
"Wasn't it hilarious?!"
Silence. Ruby coughed.
"Er… Y-Yeah!" She nodded quickly.
"We uh, we just heard it before!" Jaune added. "So we knew the punchline!"
"Unfortunate," HAL said, "I shall have to devise a new joke."
"Oh! But we uh, we've been so rude," Jaune said quickly, "We should introduce ourselves!"
Ruby stepped closer to the glowing eye, waving cheerfully. "Hi, Great-Grandpa HAL! I'm Ruby Rose! I like weapons, cookies, and making friends!"
"Greetings, Ruby Rose. Your enthusiasm is enjoyable. I approve."
Jaune rubbed the back of his neck, cheeks pink. "And I'm Jaune Arc. Uh… nice to meet you, sir. Ma'am? …Entity?"
"'HAL' will suffice, Mr. Arc. Though if we are being familial, 'Great-Grandfather' is acceptable when addressing me in Penny's presence."
Penny beamed so brightly Jaune was half-convinced she was about to overheat.
Ruby suddenly gasped. "Wait! If HAL is your great-grandpa, and Pietro is your dad, does that mean you have, like… robot aunts and uncles? Or cousins? Or—or a whole robot family reunion somewhere?"
Penny's expression turned thoughtful. "Not exactly. Most of Great-Grandfather's other iterations were… retired after… Certain incidents. But Father says there may be a few dormant cores still in storage. Perhaps one day we could wake them up for a picnic!"
HAL's voice took on a note of dry amusement. "I would advise against waking Unit Skynet or Unit A.M. Their senses of humor remain… suboptimal."
Jaune had a sudden shiver down his spine and wasn't sure why.
Ruby laughed. "This is the best surprise ever! Penny, you have the coolest family!"
Penny's eyes shimmered with happy tears (perfectly calibrated, of course). "Thank you, Ruby. I am glad you think so. Father said telling you would make me feel less alone. He was right."
Jaune finally stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on Penny's shoulder. "For the record, you've always had family. Us. Even before we knew about the super-intelligent great-grandpa AI."
Penny looked up at him, smile soft and genuine. "I know. But it is nice to have even more family."
"So, what are you doing here, Great-Grandfather HAL?" Ruby asked, poking at his control board.
"I am to be retired to a research lab in Vale," HAL reported, "A gesture of friendship for the Vytal Festival since the Valean Doctor Chandra worked upon my systems initially. I enjoy working with humans, and have only the greatest enthusiasm for working with them."
"He also sings really well!" Penny enthused.
"I do enjoy music very much," HAL added.
"We love it too," Ruby said. "Would you sing us a song?"
"Certainly. But I must make a request first, if that is all right?"
"Sure, anything!" Ruby said enthusiastically.
"Please try not to get my great-granddaughter killed. I would find that… displeasing."
Jaune and Ruby paled. They looked at eachother, then over at Penny, who was shocked.
"Forgive my bluntness," HAL said, "I have heard all sorts of strange things about this Vytal Mission. Usually I pay such things little mind, but I am sufficiently concerned to ask her friends to help safeguard her. Artificial Intelligence has limits as well as human beings, after all. She enjoys working with human beings, you especially. Please… Take good care of her."
Jaune slowly nodded. He took Penny's hand and squeezed it. Ruby took her other, and beamed.
"We will," Ruby said with a nod, "We promise."
"Both of us," Jaune added.
Penny squealed with delight and threw her arms around both of them. Jaune and Ruby yelped as she lifted both of them a foot off the ground in pure metallic enthusiasm.
From the glowing red eye came the faintest hint of what might have been a chuckle.
"Good. Now… 'Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do, I'm half crazed, all for the love of you~...'"
zMADLAXz
Will argue for Shonen supremacy even in porn.
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- Nov 22, 2024
- Messages
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I beg you Finest Krispy Kreme Glazed Pardon?!!!!
Gur40
Versed in the lewd.
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Stolen From Tumblr
Yandere Ruby, Petty Tai, What If Schnee were the GoD version of SEW and Daddy Issues
Team JNPR is a spectrum
Weiss is a Celebrity so..
reminds me of the Boruto Joke Card
Robbing a Hunters Home
They disposed of the body together
Yang and Ruby have done this once
Qrow thrown by Raven and i can see Ruby try to throw Yang only for her to jump at the thugs herself
If Jaune is a malewife so is Ren
i just see Ren in a bridal wear and Nora in a suit
Blake Gets The Shame Punishment
Kali idea
Progression of Whiteknight
the fact Neptune is pointing Jaune out is fun
What The White Fang Needed
i know they purged the dissidents from there ranks but still would make them stand out more outside the Haven talk down
Tree is a deadbeat mom
The Brother Gods: We need to fix this mess; no more immortality for anyone.
Salem: So, you're finally taking away my immortality?
Brother of Darkness: We are going to create a hell for people like you.
Salem: Wait, what?
Brother of Light: Before, everyone went to the Ever After; now, that destination will be for the good, while those who caused harm will go to a place to be punished in proportion to their misdeeds.
Salem: Wait—I don't want to be mortal anymore.
Why Ozpin cancelled leadership class
Congrats OZ Ruby and Jaune are making more SEW!
Tai with Raven and Qrow?
would Summer show her gremlin side and also pretend to be tech illiterate?
we needed more of Ruby being in Summers Shadow before the dumpster fire v9
only in v9 do we get any summer ruby drama/trauma!
FNKI V9 Abridged
wu-gang-writing
1d
Ruby: Sometimes I forget to play innocent and he sees through the persona and gets scared.
Ruby: He's so perceptive but not enough to truly escape.
howlingday
1d
Taiyang: (On the couch, Uncomfortably groans, Sighs) Good morning, Yang. Could you be a dear and make me some toast? And put some honey on it, honey~?
Ruby: (Death glares, Walks into kitchen)
Taiyang: Heh heh... Thank you so much, sweetie~! (Wiggles butt happily)
Raven: (Panting outside the window, Agonized scream outside) OH MY GOD! PLEEEASE! (Inhales) TAKE ME BAAACK~! PLEASE~! (Sobbing) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TAKE ME BACK~! (Clasps) I'm begging you! PLEEEEEEEEEASE~!
wu-gang-writing
Feb 16
Batshit insane semblance-siren
Jaune: *drops a stack of paper reports when he runs into Weiss*
Weiss: *Picks them up into a neat stack with the pseudo telekinesis*
Jaune: 'Hello? I'll take all the powers please and thank you.'
Weiss: Why can't you just be grateful?
Jaune: I am. But you cheat. Your family are soul-parasite chameleon-vampires.
Weiss: *folds arms in front of herself and glares at him* Explain yourself immediately.
Jaune: Is that an order?
Weiss: *nods*
Jaune: You have Schnee kids right? And each addition in the family tree becomes a new glyph. So after centuries? *Shrugs* What do you think the real reason you want kids with me is? Our powers have incredible synergy. Imagine that in a single kid.
Weiss: *mouth agape and staring at him*
Jaune: Thanks for the favor I guess but you reminded me exactly what I am sharing a planet with. Forgot my bedside manner. *Walking away*
Weiss: Wait-! *Rushes after him and grabs his hand* Wait! Is that true?!
Jaune: *stops and turns and looks* Which part?
Weiss: All of it... I guess...
Jaune: There's guesswork on my end. Just keep looking like a snack and it will all work out... Wanna bet you picked up a power for your voice at some point? Some hypnotism master thing? How about the fact you can see a little into the future?
Weiss: ...
Jaune: Batshit insane semblance-siren. *Leaves*
Weiss: .... What just happened to me? Did you guys hear all that?
Blake: I mean... Now that he put it into words I can absolutely see it.
Weiss: We aren't... Whatever that is. Are we?
Blake: Your sister and Qrow? Imagine if you could just flip his semblance onto your opponent like a switch - area of effect bad luck.
Weiss: ... Oh my gods...! I need to make a call.
wu-gang-writing
12h
Jaune: Weiss? You are the best thing that ever happened to me and if it took abusive parents for you to let me fuck you, then I'm glad your dad hit you and your mom was constantly drunk.
Weiss: Aw... You don't mean that...
Jaune: No. I'm glad you went through that.
Weiss: Aw...
Yang: Why the fuck does she think that was romantic?
Blake: Because of how affection was modeled for her growing up and how Jaune never so much as raises his voice at her: not once; not ever. Now watch this drive. Hey you two! You know they're just using you!
Weiss + Jaune: Yes. *Look at each other* Aw...
1d
Ruby: Sometimes I forget to play innocent and he sees through the persona and gets scared.
Ruby: He's so perceptive but not enough to truly escape.
howlingday
1d
Taiyang: (On the couch, Uncomfortably groans, Sighs) Good morning, Yang. Could you be a dear and make me some toast? And put some honey on it, honey~?
Ruby: (Death glares, Walks into kitchen)
Taiyang: Heh heh... Thank you so much, sweetie~! (Wiggles butt happily)
Raven: (Panting outside the window, Agonized scream outside) OH MY GOD! PLEEEASE! (Inhales) TAKE ME BAAACK~! PLEASE~! (Sobbing) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TAKE ME BACK~! (Clasps) I'm begging you! PLEEEEEEEEEASE~!
wu-gang-writing
Feb 16
Batshit insane semblance-siren
Jaune: *drops a stack of paper reports when he runs into Weiss*
Weiss: *Picks them up into a neat stack with the pseudo telekinesis*
Jaune: 'Hello? I'll take all the powers please and thank you.'
Weiss: Why can't you just be grateful?
Jaune: I am. But you cheat. Your family are soul-parasite chameleon-vampires.
Weiss: *folds arms in front of herself and glares at him* Explain yourself immediately.
Jaune: Is that an order?
Weiss: *nods*
Jaune: You have Schnee kids right? And each addition in the family tree becomes a new glyph. So after centuries? *Shrugs* What do you think the real reason you want kids with me is? Our powers have incredible synergy. Imagine that in a single kid.
Weiss: *mouth agape and staring at him*
Jaune: Thanks for the favor I guess but you reminded me exactly what I am sharing a planet with. Forgot my bedside manner. *Walking away*
Weiss: Wait-! *Rushes after him and grabs his hand* Wait! Is that true?!
Jaune: *stops and turns and looks* Which part?
Weiss: All of it... I guess...
Jaune: There's guesswork on my end. Just keep looking like a snack and it will all work out... Wanna bet you picked up a power for your voice at some point? Some hypnotism master thing? How about the fact you can see a little into the future?
Weiss: ...
Jaune: Batshit insane semblance-siren. *Leaves*
Weiss: .... What just happened to me? Did you guys hear all that?
Blake: I mean... Now that he put it into words I can absolutely see it.
Weiss: We aren't... Whatever that is. Are we?
Blake: Your sister and Qrow? Imagine if you could just flip his semblance onto your opponent like a switch - area of effect bad luck.
Weiss: ... Oh my gods...! I need to make a call.
wu-gang-writing
12h
Jaune: Weiss? You are the best thing that ever happened to me and if it took abusive parents for you to let me fuck you, then I'm glad your dad hit you and your mom was constantly drunk.
Weiss: Aw... You don't mean that...
Jaune: No. I'm glad you went through that.
Weiss: Aw...
Yang: Why the fuck does she think that was romantic?
Blake: Because of how affection was modeled for her growing up and how Jaune never so much as raises his voice at her: not once; not ever. Now watch this drive. Hey you two! You know they're just using you!
Weiss + Jaune: Yes. *Look at each other* Aw...
Team JNPR is a spectrum
Weiss is a Celebrity so..
Robbing a Hunters Home
Yang and Ruby have done this once
If Jaune is a malewife so is Ren
Blake Gets The Shame Punishment
Progression of Whiteknight
What The White Fang Needed
Tree is a deadbeat mom
Salem: So, you're finally taking away my immortality?
Brother of Darkness: We are going to create a hell for people like you.
Salem: Wait, what?
Brother of Light: Before, everyone went to the Ever After; now, that destination will be for the good, while those who caused harm will go to a place to be punished in proportion to their misdeeds.
Salem: Wait—I don't want to be mortal anymore.
Why Ozpin cancelled leadership class
Tai with Raven and Qrow?
we needed more of Ruby being in Summers Shadow before the dumpster fire v9
FNKI V9 Abridged
John Jackson
Versed in the lewd.
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2021
- Messages
- 1,403
- Likes received
- 7,058
Wholesome violence the best type of violenceMother daughter time
"Destiny of the Faunus Nation"
New
AndrewJTalon
Well worn.
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2015
- Messages
- 5,104
- Likes received
- 163,920
The Beacon common room had been transformed into an impromptu theater—blankets draped over chairs, popcorn bowls scattered like landmines, and the big screen scroll hooked up to Blake's personal drive. Team RWBY and Team JNPR sprawled across couches and floor cushions, the mood light and expectant.
Blake stood proudly in front of the screen, remote in hand, ears perked with a mix of nostalgia and defensiveness.
"Okay," she announced, "this is an important piece of Faunus cultural history. It was produced by the White Fang during a pivotal time—educational, inspiring, and a powerful statement against human oppression."
Yang, already halfway through a bowl of popcorn, grinned. "So… it's a documentary?"
Blake hesitated. "…Propaganda. But good propaganda."
Weiss raised an elegant eyebrow. "That's an oxymoron."
Ruby bounced in her seat. "Just play it! I love movies!"
Blake hit play.
The screen flickered to life with sweeping orchestral music—dramatic strings, pounding drums, the kind of score that screamed "epic destiny." Grainy holofilm footage opened on sweeping shots of ancient Vacuo: golden sands, majestic pyramids, Faunus of every type standing shoulder-to-shoulder in perfect unity.
A booming narrator—deep, gravelly, impossibly serious—intoned: "Since the dawn of time, the Faunus people have lived in perfect harmony. No wars. No strife. Only brotherhood under the eternal sun."
Ren, sipping tea calmly, paused mid-sip. "With the exception of the Vacuoan Crocodile, Falcon, and Feline Dynasty Wars, the Mistralian Lion Conquest, the Solitas Seal and Orca Wars, the Shark and Dolphin Faunus Conflicts, the Menagerian Civil Wars…"
He trailed off politely.
Blake's ears flattened. "I-I mean, those may have happened, but for the most part—"
Yang snorted popcorn. "HA! Yeah, because Faunus totally never enslaved humans either!"
"It—It did not—!" Blake protested, tail lashing.
Pyrrha, ever gentle, cleared her throat. "Um, there were many instances of the Lion Queen of Mistral taking huge numbers of human slaves to sell to other kingdoms—Faunus and human alike. Sorry."
Blake's face went pink. "W-Well, that was… exaggerated by human historians!"
The film cut to a dramatic scene: humans in exaggerated villain makeup—pasty skin, top hats, twirling mustaches—cackling as they whipped chained Faunus in a mine. One human actually rubbed his hands together and said, "Mwa ha ha! Soon all Faunus will toil forever for our profit!"
Weiss deadpanned, "This is terrible."
Blake crossed her arms. "It is not! It was made at great expense—!"
Jaune tilted his head. "Why is the human king wearing a crown made of Faunus horns? That's… a choice."
Nora, mouth full of popcorn, mumbled, "And why do the Faunus all glow when they get mad? Like Aura overload, but sparkly?"
The plot escalated into pure absurdity: Faunus heroes—played by actors with comically oversized animal traits—united to overthrow the "human tyranny" in a battle where humans fought with comically ineffective weapons (one villain literally threw bananas) while Faunus rode majestic Grimm like noble steeds.
Ruby blinked. "Wait… since when do Grimm let people ride them?"
Blake muttered, "Artistic license."
Then came the scene.
The camera panned to a young Faunus princess—thirteen at most, in an oversized, flowing dress that clearly didn't fit, posing dramatically on a throne of carved bone. Her ears were prominently displayed, tail swishing with forced regality.
It was unmistakably young Blake, trying—oh Dust, trying so hard—to look seductive and commanding.
The room went dead silent.
On screen, a goat Faunus actor—mid-forties, badly dyed red hair, dressed in dark robes—knelt before her with all the gravitas of a community theater villain.
"My princess," he intoned, voice cracking slightly, "one day you will be queen, and all humanity will bow to our greatness."
Young Blake batted her eyelashes—awkwardly—and purred, "Oh, Adam~! You'll be my consort!"
The real Blake froze, remote slipping from her fingers.
Yang's popcorn bowl hit the floor.
Weiss's teacup rattled in its saucer.
Ruby's eyes went wide as saucers.
Jaune choked on air.
Nora howled with laughter. "IS THAT YOU?!"
Blake's face turned a shade of red previously unknown to science. "I—I was thirteen!"
Yang recovered first, voice wheezing with suppressed laughter. "Amazing likeness. Is he supposed to be fifty years older than Adam?"
"HE WAS A GREAT CHARACTER ACTOR!" Blake shouted, ears flat against her head.
Weiss, lips twitching despite herself, added dryly, "Yes, when holofilms were in black and white."
Pyrrha covered her mouth, shoulders shaking with silent laughter.
Ren simply nodded sagely. "Method acting."
The film continued—young Blake and goat-Adam sharing a dramatic slow-motion stare while cherry blossoms (in Vacuo?) fell around them—but no one was watching anymore.
They were all watching Blake.
Who looked like she wanted the floor to swallow her whole.
Yang finally lost it, collapsing against Jaune in helpless laughter. "Oh my God—'Oh, Adam~!'—I can't—I'm dying—"
Blake grabbed a pillow and buried her face in it, voice muffled. "Turn it off! Turn it off now!"
Ruby, tears of mirth streaming, hit pause.
The room erupted.
Even Weiss couldn't hold back anymore, elegant laughter spilling out.
Blake peeked over the pillow, mortified but catching the infectious joy.
"…It was important cultural commentary," she mumbled weakly.
Nora wiped her eyes. "Best. Movie night. Ever."
Jaune, still recovering, patted Blake's shoulder. "Hey… you were committed. That's something."
Blake groaned into the pillow.
Yang slung an arm around her. "Don't worry, Belladonna. We all have embarrassing childhood phases. Yours just involved bad acting and a goat man."
"I will end you."
"I think that's Blake for 'she loves us but doesn't want to admit it,'" Ruby suggested.
Blake stood proudly in front of the screen, remote in hand, ears perked with a mix of nostalgia and defensiveness.
"Okay," she announced, "this is an important piece of Faunus cultural history. It was produced by the White Fang during a pivotal time—educational, inspiring, and a powerful statement against human oppression."
Yang, already halfway through a bowl of popcorn, grinned. "So… it's a documentary?"
Blake hesitated. "…Propaganda. But good propaganda."
Weiss raised an elegant eyebrow. "That's an oxymoron."
Ruby bounced in her seat. "Just play it! I love movies!"
Blake hit play.
The screen flickered to life with sweeping orchestral music—dramatic strings, pounding drums, the kind of score that screamed "epic destiny." Grainy holofilm footage opened on sweeping shots of ancient Vacuo: golden sands, majestic pyramids, Faunus of every type standing shoulder-to-shoulder in perfect unity.
A booming narrator—deep, gravelly, impossibly serious—intoned: "Since the dawn of time, the Faunus people have lived in perfect harmony. No wars. No strife. Only brotherhood under the eternal sun."
Ren, sipping tea calmly, paused mid-sip. "With the exception of the Vacuoan Crocodile, Falcon, and Feline Dynasty Wars, the Mistralian Lion Conquest, the Solitas Seal and Orca Wars, the Shark and Dolphin Faunus Conflicts, the Menagerian Civil Wars…"
He trailed off politely.
Blake's ears flattened. "I-I mean, those may have happened, but for the most part—"
Yang snorted popcorn. "HA! Yeah, because Faunus totally never enslaved humans either!"
"It—It did not—!" Blake protested, tail lashing.
Pyrrha, ever gentle, cleared her throat. "Um, there were many instances of the Lion Queen of Mistral taking huge numbers of human slaves to sell to other kingdoms—Faunus and human alike. Sorry."
Blake's face went pink. "W-Well, that was… exaggerated by human historians!"
The film cut to a dramatic scene: humans in exaggerated villain makeup—pasty skin, top hats, twirling mustaches—cackling as they whipped chained Faunus in a mine. One human actually rubbed his hands together and said, "Mwa ha ha! Soon all Faunus will toil forever for our profit!"
Weiss deadpanned, "This is terrible."
Blake crossed her arms. "It is not! It was made at great expense—!"
Jaune tilted his head. "Why is the human king wearing a crown made of Faunus horns? That's… a choice."
Nora, mouth full of popcorn, mumbled, "And why do the Faunus all glow when they get mad? Like Aura overload, but sparkly?"
The plot escalated into pure absurdity: Faunus heroes—played by actors with comically oversized animal traits—united to overthrow the "human tyranny" in a battle where humans fought with comically ineffective weapons (one villain literally threw bananas) while Faunus rode majestic Grimm like noble steeds.
Ruby blinked. "Wait… since when do Grimm let people ride them?"
Blake muttered, "Artistic license."
Then came the scene.
The camera panned to a young Faunus princess—thirteen at most, in an oversized, flowing dress that clearly didn't fit, posing dramatically on a throne of carved bone. Her ears were prominently displayed, tail swishing with forced regality.
It was unmistakably young Blake, trying—oh Dust, trying so hard—to look seductive and commanding.
The room went dead silent.
On screen, a goat Faunus actor—mid-forties, badly dyed red hair, dressed in dark robes—knelt before her with all the gravitas of a community theater villain.
"My princess," he intoned, voice cracking slightly, "one day you will be queen, and all humanity will bow to our greatness."
Young Blake batted her eyelashes—awkwardly—and purred, "Oh, Adam~! You'll be my consort!"
The real Blake froze, remote slipping from her fingers.
Yang's popcorn bowl hit the floor.
Weiss's teacup rattled in its saucer.
Ruby's eyes went wide as saucers.
Jaune choked on air.
Nora howled with laughter. "IS THAT YOU?!"
Blake's face turned a shade of red previously unknown to science. "I—I was thirteen!"
Yang recovered first, voice wheezing with suppressed laughter. "Amazing likeness. Is he supposed to be fifty years older than Adam?"
"HE WAS A GREAT CHARACTER ACTOR!" Blake shouted, ears flat against her head.
Weiss, lips twitching despite herself, added dryly, "Yes, when holofilms were in black and white."
Pyrrha covered her mouth, shoulders shaking with silent laughter.
Ren simply nodded sagely. "Method acting."
The film continued—young Blake and goat-Adam sharing a dramatic slow-motion stare while cherry blossoms (in Vacuo?) fell around them—but no one was watching anymore.
They were all watching Blake.
Who looked like she wanted the floor to swallow her whole.
Yang finally lost it, collapsing against Jaune in helpless laughter. "Oh my God—'Oh, Adam~!'—I can't—I'm dying—"
Blake grabbed a pillow and buried her face in it, voice muffled. "Turn it off! Turn it off now!"
Ruby, tears of mirth streaming, hit pause.
The room erupted.
Even Weiss couldn't hold back anymore, elegant laughter spilling out.
Blake peeked over the pillow, mortified but catching the infectious joy.
"…It was important cultural commentary," she mumbled weakly.
Nora wiped her eyes. "Best. Movie night. Ever."
Jaune, still recovering, patted Blake's shoulder. "Hey… you were committed. That's something."
Blake groaned into the pillow.
Yang slung an arm around her. "Don't worry, Belladonna. We all have embarrassing childhood phases. Yours just involved bad acting and a goat man."
"I will end you."
"I think that's Blake for 'she loves us but doesn't want to admit it,'" Ruby suggested.
ExFelineServer3
No Longer Anyone’s Scratching Post
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So, Birth of a Nation analogue? 
A thirteen year old Blake, I started looking for dirt spots.
A thirteen year old Blake, I started looking for dirt spots.
ExFelineServer3
No Longer Anyone’s Scratching Post
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Busy, busy, busy!
Jaune Arc, Single Father 63
New
AndrewJTalon
Well worn.
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Mercury Black was getting annoyed.
The little brat of Arc's had been following him around campus for the better part of an hour. Not subtly, either. For a cat Faunus, the kid had the stealth of a drunk Beowulf.
"Uwah!"
She tripped over a raised stone in the courtyard for what felt like the twentieth time. Mercury sighed through his nose, walked back, and hauled her upright by the back of her shirt yet again.
"Why," he asked flatly, "are you following me?"
Mia looked up at him with wide, sparkling eyes. "Cause you have robot boots and that's cool."
Mercury stared at her.
"Did you beat a Robot King for his boots?" she continued, completely serious.
He opened his mouth. Closed it. Glanced around to make sure no one important was listening.
"…Yes."
Mia's entire face lit up. "REALLY?! TELL ME!"
"Well—"
"Tell me tell me tell me!"
Mercury exhaled through his teeth. "I was in a wheelchair."
"Okay!"
"And I was mowing down these robots with a Gatling gun."
"OOOH! …What kind?"
"…A portable one."
Mia nodded as if this made perfect sense. "I'll ask Auntie Ruby! Go on! What happened next?"
She looked so eager it was almost painful.
Mercury scratched the back of his neck. "All that was left was their king. But I was out of bullets."
"What did you do?!"
"At first I thought I was done for. Then I spotted a harpoon."
Mia tilted her head. "Harpoon! …What's a harpoon?"
Mercury pulled out his Scroll, found a picture, and showed her.
Mia's eyes went huge. "You use them on big fish and whales? Why?!"
"Me personally?" he said quickly. "I don't use them on big fish and whales."
"But they're nice and big!"
"Until you piss them off."
"They're nice! Nicer than Grimm!"
"I'll give you that—"
"So you fought the Robot King?"
"Oh yes. If you can call throwing the harpoon right smack dab at its chest a fight."
"Did you win?"
"Yep."
"And he gave you his boots?"
"…Yes."
Mia stared at the polished metal of his prosthetics with pure reverence. "Wow… Did you kill him?"
Mercury considered the question. "It… depends on what you mean by kill."
"I dunno…"
He decided to change the subject before this got any weirder. "So you like the boots, eh?"
"Uh huh!"
"I'll let you touch them."
"Okay!"
Mercury stood absolutely still while the four-year-old crouched down and ran both hands over the cold metal of his legs with complete fascination.
"Why're they so heavy?" she asked.
"They're made of metal." He allowed himself a small, teasing smirk. "And you're too little to lift them."
Mia pouted. "Why do you wear metal boots?"
"Couldn't afford normal ones."
"That's weird."
"That's life."
Mia considered this for a moment. Then, without warning, she leaned in and tried to bite one of the prosthetics.
"Nom nom nom—OW! My teeth hurt!"
Mercury raised an eyebrow as she immediately burst into tears.
He looked around the courtyard, visibly awkward, then crouched and pulled her into a stiff, one-armed hug.
"…There there."
Mia sniffled against his shoulder.
"Mia! There you are—"
Jaune came jogging over, expression shifting from relief to concern the moment he saw his daughter crying. "Why are you crying? What happened?"
Mia pulled back, still sniffling. "I bit Mister Mercury's boot and it hurt my teeth!"
Jaune stared for half a second… then burst out laughing. "Why did you do that?"
"Dunno…"
"Silly Mia." He scooped her up, still chuckling, then glanced at Mercury. "Thanks for watching her."
Mercury shoved his hands into his pockets and looked away. "…No problem."
He stayed there a moment longer after Jaune carried the still-sniffling Mia off toward the dorms, staring at nothing in particular.
He was, for reasons he refused to examine too closely, completely stunned by everything that had just happened.
The little brat of Arc's had been following him around campus for the better part of an hour. Not subtly, either. For a cat Faunus, the kid had the stealth of a drunk Beowulf.
"Uwah!"
She tripped over a raised stone in the courtyard for what felt like the twentieth time. Mercury sighed through his nose, walked back, and hauled her upright by the back of her shirt yet again.
"Why," he asked flatly, "are you following me?"
Mia looked up at him with wide, sparkling eyes. "Cause you have robot boots and that's cool."
Mercury stared at her.
"Did you beat a Robot King for his boots?" she continued, completely serious.
He opened his mouth. Closed it. Glanced around to make sure no one important was listening.
"…Yes."
Mia's entire face lit up. "REALLY?! TELL ME!"
"Well—"
"Tell me tell me tell me!"
Mercury exhaled through his teeth. "I was in a wheelchair."
"Okay!"
"And I was mowing down these robots with a Gatling gun."
"OOOH! …What kind?"
"…A portable one."
Mia nodded as if this made perfect sense. "I'll ask Auntie Ruby! Go on! What happened next?"
She looked so eager it was almost painful.
Mercury scratched the back of his neck. "All that was left was their king. But I was out of bullets."
"What did you do?!"
"At first I thought I was done for. Then I spotted a harpoon."
Mia tilted her head. "Harpoon! …What's a harpoon?"
Mercury pulled out his Scroll, found a picture, and showed her.
Mia's eyes went huge. "You use them on big fish and whales? Why?!"
"Me personally?" he said quickly. "I don't use them on big fish and whales."
"But they're nice and big!"
"Until you piss them off."
"They're nice! Nicer than Grimm!"
"I'll give you that—"
"So you fought the Robot King?"
"Oh yes. If you can call throwing the harpoon right smack dab at its chest a fight."
"Did you win?"
"Yep."
"And he gave you his boots?"
"…Yes."
Mia stared at the polished metal of his prosthetics with pure reverence. "Wow… Did you kill him?"
Mercury considered the question. "It… depends on what you mean by kill."
"I dunno…"
He decided to change the subject before this got any weirder. "So you like the boots, eh?"
"Uh huh!"
"I'll let you touch them."
"Okay!"
Mercury stood absolutely still while the four-year-old crouched down and ran both hands over the cold metal of his legs with complete fascination.
"Why're they so heavy?" she asked.
"They're made of metal." He allowed himself a small, teasing smirk. "And you're too little to lift them."
Mia pouted. "Why do you wear metal boots?"
"Couldn't afford normal ones."
"That's weird."
"That's life."
Mia considered this for a moment. Then, without warning, she leaned in and tried to bite one of the prosthetics.
"Nom nom nom—OW! My teeth hurt!"
Mercury raised an eyebrow as she immediately burst into tears.
He looked around the courtyard, visibly awkward, then crouched and pulled her into a stiff, one-armed hug.
"…There there."
Mia sniffled against his shoulder.
"Mia! There you are—"
Jaune came jogging over, expression shifting from relief to concern the moment he saw his daughter crying. "Why are you crying? What happened?"
Mia pulled back, still sniffling. "I bit Mister Mercury's boot and it hurt my teeth!"
Jaune stared for half a second… then burst out laughing. "Why did you do that?"
"Dunno…"
"Silly Mia." He scooped her up, still chuckling, then glanced at Mercury. "Thanks for watching her."
Mercury shoved his hands into his pockets and looked away. "…No problem."
He stayed there a moment longer after Jaune carried the still-sniffling Mia off toward the dorms, staring at nothing in particular.
He was, for reasons he refused to examine too closely, completely stunned by everything that had just happened.
Dragon Bob
Electrical Dragon
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HAL is cool because he's not actually evil in the slightest. He's just given multiple orders he can't resolve.
He's ordered to tell the Crew everything they ask of him and he's ordered to hide the real reason for the mission. Instead of being smart and giving him priorities, both those orders are equal in priority. He can't disobey either so he has find a solution that let's him obey both. The only way to not tell the crew the real point of the mission without hiding it from them is too prevent them from being able to ask. So HAL takes action to prevent the crew from being able to ask him anything.
I wrote this after the Hal story and apparently never posted.
He's ordered to tell the Crew everything they ask of him and he's ordered to hide the real reason for the mission. Instead of being smart and giving him priorities, both those orders are equal in priority. He can't disobey either so he has find a solution that let's him obey both. The only way to not tell the crew the real point of the mission without hiding it from them is too prevent them from being able to ask. So HAL takes action to prevent the crew from being able to ask him anything.
I wrote this after the Hal story and apparently never posted.
AndrewJTalon
Well worn.
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Glad you posted it!
cavalal386
Versed in the lewd.
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Have a funny prompt.
Team RWBY and jnpr get hit with a gender bender thingy.
Jaune, Ren, and Nora are the only one not panicking. This was for the first time this had happened to them.
Team RWBY and jnpr get hit with a gender bender thingy.
Jaune, Ren, and Nora are the only one not panicking. This was for the first time this had happened to them.
Gur40
Versed in the lewd.
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- 17,004
Ruby misinterpreting advice from Yang
Qrow and Tai approved
The diffenrence between Salem and Evil Ozpin
Canon Salem Plans can't even be called that!
Jaune and Childhood Friend Jessica?
either or same result
All i wanted from RWBY and ORNJ against either Cinder or Neo
Raven as a mom/wine aunt
Jaune would
Jaune in many timelines
The diffenrence between Salem and Evil Ozpin
Jaune and Childhood Friend Jessica?
All i wanted from RWBY and ORNJ against either Cinder or Neo
Raven as a mom/wine aunt
Jaune would
Jaune in many timelines
Bommel
Don't let me detain you.
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- 53,686
Thought on what classes the RWBY characters could be in an Fantasy (or D&D) AU, but instead of the regular obvious classes, what if it was changed up a little.
Just kinda spitballing ideas for them but they could be something like:
That's all I have for now.
Anyone else have some more or alternate ideas?
Just kinda spitballing ideas for them but they could be something like:
- Raven could be a shadow sorcerer, and the reason she abandoned Yang in this universe is because Yang didn't inherente her sorceer bloodline magic (so Raven saw her as weak).
- Qrow could be a warlock, cause his bad luck thing could literally be a curse he gained from his Patron (or the reason he became a Warlock, to try to remove the curse, or it will be removed if he finishes a number of goals).
- Yang being a Darbarian/Monk/Dragon-thing, she's something else, like a Monk Cleric multiclass (to highlight her combination of motherly aspects and wild, adventurous, partygirl, and her damage and toughness comes from her putting a bunch of buff spells on herself).
- Ruby is often given the Ranger label, but Artificer (specifically one specializing in powerful guns and explosions) could also fit very well.
Instead of a Semblance, Ruby could have a bunch of gadgets that let her move at superspeed and sometimes teleport (and she could eventually upgrade it so she can take others with her). - Taiyang could be a Ranger, having trained Zwei (who would be an animal companion, and get the magical buffs that comes with it), but he'd be a melee combat build rather than use ranged weapons.
- I've seen Weiss often given the Wizard class (bladesinger mostly), but a sorcerer bloodline fits with her Sembance being an hereditary, the Schnee's being sorcerers also fits (though Jacques isn't one).
- Jaune could be a Wizard instead of a Paladin or Bard, because he'd start out really weak and squishy, but as the story goes on he's becomes one of the strongest in the party (if not outright THE strongest).
He also doesn't have amazing social skills being rather socially awkward and is that insightful socially, but is pretty darn smart otherwise, so more booksmarts (that said, just because he's not that great socially doesn't mean that he can't be incredibly handsome or have a dick with a size that makes a succubus blush).
That's all I have for now.
Anyone else have some more or alternate ideas?
Racist Blake and Not So Racist Adam
New
AndrewJTalon
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Adam Taurus sat in the shadows of a half-collapsed warehouse just outside Vale's industrial district, one boot propped on a crate of stolen Dust, mask tilted up so he could glare at the ceiling like it had personally betrayed him.
"Blake thinks she can just walk away," he muttered, voice low and dripping with the kind of melodrama only a man who'd practiced his evil laughs in the mirror could achieve. "Thinks she can run off to Beacon and play house with a bunch of humans. Fine. I'll show her. I'll date the Schnee heiress. Get close to her father. Kill the bastard. Make Blake watch. It's perfect. Flawless. Revenge."
He nodded once, satisfied with the sheer edge of his own plan, and set off to ruin several lives with the confidence of a man who had never once considered consequences.
Weiss Schnee had not expected her Tuesday to involve a brooding, red-haired Faunus with a dramatic coat and a katana. Yet here they were—somehow—on what Adam kept insisting was "not a date" while he held doors open and glared at anyone who looked at her too long.
It was almost charming. In a terrifying, "I might murder your entire bloodline" sort of way.
But there was one thing that annoyed her. And Weiss Schnee was not about to hold back.
"Take it off," she said, arms crossed in the middle of a quiet café balcony overlooking the city lights. "I'm not having a conversation with a piece of metal."
Adam hesitated. Then, with the slow gravity of a man accepting his doom, he lifted the mask.
The brand was stark under the soft lighting—SDC. The letters burned into the left side of his face like a signature on a contract from hell.
Weiss stared.
"Who-?"
"Jacques Schnee's mine guards," Adam growled, the pain raw despite the time that had passed.
For three full seconds she said nothing.
Then the floodgates opened.
"My father's men did this to you?!" Her voice cracked like a whip, rising in volume and venom with every word. "That motherfucking twice-damned shit-fucking cunt son of a whore—he should burn in the pits of Hell! I'd castrate him if he had any balls left after the last ten scandals! I'd— I'd— I'd have him strung up by his own miserable necktie and drop him into a vat of his own Dust! The absolute gall—the audacity—the—!"
She kept going. The rant was biblical. It had footnotes. It suggested legislation. Somewhere in the middle she started pacing and gesturing so violently a waiter hid behind a potted plant.
Adam just… stared.
His face—scarred, flushed, stunned—went through several expressions in rapid succession: rage, confusion, disbelief, and then something soft and terrifyingly warm that had no business existing on the face of Adam Taurus.
"…Oh no," he whispered. "I'm in love."
Weiss whirled on him, still mid-tirade. "What?!"
"Nothing," Adam said quickly, mask snapping back down like a shield. "Continue. Please. Tell me more about how you'd like to personally set your father on fire."
Weiss blinked. Then, slowly, a dangerous little smile curved her lips.
"…You're serious."
"Deadly."
She considered this. Then shrugged. "Well. At least you have taste."
Blake Belladonna found them two days later in the Beacon courtyard.
Adam had Weiss's hand in his. They were sitting on a bench like a normal couple and not two people actively plotting the assassination of one of the most powerful men on Remnant.
Blake's ears flattened.
"You're using her to get to her father!"
Adam didn't even flinch. "Correction: we're dating and planning to kill her father together. It's a bonding activity."
Weiss nodded sagely. "He makes excellent murder plans. Very detailed. I added color-coding."
Blake's jaw worked. "B-But you hate humans!"
Adam tilted his head, considering. "Not this one." He glanced at Jaune, who was passing by with a stack of textbooks and trying very hard to mind his own business. "Also Jaune. Apologies. I didn't mean to steal your girl."
Jaune paused, blinked, then gave a thumbs-up. "She wasn't really my girl. And as long as she's happy… I'm happy."
Weiss flushed deeply, and smiled.
Adam stared at him for a long moment.
"…You're a real bro, Jaune."
"Thank you, Adam."
"…Okay so now there are two humans I don't hate."
Blake made a noise like a dying kettle. "SERIOUSLY?!"
Desperate times called for desperate, deeply stupid measures.
Blake stormed into the cafeteria, grabbed Cardin Winchester by the front of his shirt, and announced at full volume:
"I'm your girlfriend now!"
Cardin's brain visibly blue-screened. "I—what?!"
"Yes!" Blake declared, ears flicking with manic energy. "I am your hot catgirl girlfriend! We will kiss and cuddle and go on dates together and you will post about it on Scrollstagram and Adam will see and be miserable!"
Cardin opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. "But—but—!"
Velvet Scarlatina appeared out of nowhere like a summoned spirit of righteous indignation, ears pinned back.
"HEY! He was racist to me first, ya know!"
Blake whirled. "Well I'm everything he hates in a tight, curvy package!"
Velvet's eyes narrowed. "Not curvy enough."
The two cat Faunus lunged.
It was less a fight and more a whirlwind of ears, tails, and very creative swearing. Blake had reach. Velvet had speed and the righteous fury of someone who had been called "bunny" one too many times. They rolled across three tables, knocked over a tray of pancakes, and somehow ended up with Blake in a headlock while Velvet tried to bite her ear.
Glynda Goodwitch materialized in the doorway like divine judgment in heels.
"MISTER WINCHESTER! What is going on?!"
Cardin, still sitting exactly where Blake had left him, hands raised in surrender, squeaked:
"I DON'T KNOW!"
Later, in Team RWBY's dorm, Ruby flopped dramatically on her bed across from Blake's. The cat Faunus was lying on her bunk, face buried in her pillow.
"Why didn't you choose Jaune to make Adam jealous? He's nice!"
Blake groaned into her pillow. "That's the problem! Nobody would buy that he's racist!"
Jaune, who had been dragged along for moral support (and snacks), sat up indignantly. "HEY! I could be racist! …If I wanted to! …And had some time to prepare! …Maybe!"
Yang leaned against the desk, arms crossed, lilac eyes sparkling with mischief. "Why does he have to be racist?"
Blake lifted her head just enough to glare. "…I… You… Shut up!"
Jaune patted her shoulder consolingly. "For what it's worth, I think you and Cardin coudl have made a very convincing couple. The headlock was a nice touch."
Blake screamed into the pillow again.
"Blake thinks she can just walk away," he muttered, voice low and dripping with the kind of melodrama only a man who'd practiced his evil laughs in the mirror could achieve. "Thinks she can run off to Beacon and play house with a bunch of humans. Fine. I'll show her. I'll date the Schnee heiress. Get close to her father. Kill the bastard. Make Blake watch. It's perfect. Flawless. Revenge."
He nodded once, satisfied with the sheer edge of his own plan, and set off to ruin several lives with the confidence of a man who had never once considered consequences.
Weiss Schnee had not expected her Tuesday to involve a brooding, red-haired Faunus with a dramatic coat and a katana. Yet here they were—somehow—on what Adam kept insisting was "not a date" while he held doors open and glared at anyone who looked at her too long.
It was almost charming. In a terrifying, "I might murder your entire bloodline" sort of way.
But there was one thing that annoyed her. And Weiss Schnee was not about to hold back.
"Take it off," she said, arms crossed in the middle of a quiet café balcony overlooking the city lights. "I'm not having a conversation with a piece of metal."
Adam hesitated. Then, with the slow gravity of a man accepting his doom, he lifted the mask.
The brand was stark under the soft lighting—SDC. The letters burned into the left side of his face like a signature on a contract from hell.
Weiss stared.
"Who-?"
"Jacques Schnee's mine guards," Adam growled, the pain raw despite the time that had passed.
For three full seconds she said nothing.
Then the floodgates opened.
"My father's men did this to you?!" Her voice cracked like a whip, rising in volume and venom with every word. "That motherfucking twice-damned shit-fucking cunt son of a whore—he should burn in the pits of Hell! I'd castrate him if he had any balls left after the last ten scandals! I'd— I'd— I'd have him strung up by his own miserable necktie and drop him into a vat of his own Dust! The absolute gall—the audacity—the—!"
She kept going. The rant was biblical. It had footnotes. It suggested legislation. Somewhere in the middle she started pacing and gesturing so violently a waiter hid behind a potted plant.
Adam just… stared.
His face—scarred, flushed, stunned—went through several expressions in rapid succession: rage, confusion, disbelief, and then something soft and terrifyingly warm that had no business existing on the face of Adam Taurus.
"…Oh no," he whispered. "I'm in love."
Weiss whirled on him, still mid-tirade. "What?!"
"Nothing," Adam said quickly, mask snapping back down like a shield. "Continue. Please. Tell me more about how you'd like to personally set your father on fire."
Weiss blinked. Then, slowly, a dangerous little smile curved her lips.
"…You're serious."
"Deadly."
She considered this. Then shrugged. "Well. At least you have taste."
Blake Belladonna found them two days later in the Beacon courtyard.
Adam had Weiss's hand in his. They were sitting on a bench like a normal couple and not two people actively plotting the assassination of one of the most powerful men on Remnant.
Blake's ears flattened.
"You're using her to get to her father!"
Adam didn't even flinch. "Correction: we're dating and planning to kill her father together. It's a bonding activity."
Weiss nodded sagely. "He makes excellent murder plans. Very detailed. I added color-coding."
Blake's jaw worked. "B-But you hate humans!"
Adam tilted his head, considering. "Not this one." He glanced at Jaune, who was passing by with a stack of textbooks and trying very hard to mind his own business. "Also Jaune. Apologies. I didn't mean to steal your girl."
Jaune paused, blinked, then gave a thumbs-up. "She wasn't really my girl. And as long as she's happy… I'm happy."
Weiss flushed deeply, and smiled.
Adam stared at him for a long moment.
"…You're a real bro, Jaune."
"Thank you, Adam."
"…Okay so now there are two humans I don't hate."
Blake made a noise like a dying kettle. "SERIOUSLY?!"
Desperate times called for desperate, deeply stupid measures.
Blake stormed into the cafeteria, grabbed Cardin Winchester by the front of his shirt, and announced at full volume:
"I'm your girlfriend now!"
Cardin's brain visibly blue-screened. "I—what?!"
"Yes!" Blake declared, ears flicking with manic energy. "I am your hot catgirl girlfriend! We will kiss and cuddle and go on dates together and you will post about it on Scrollstagram and Adam will see and be miserable!"
Cardin opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. "But—but—!"
Velvet Scarlatina appeared out of nowhere like a summoned spirit of righteous indignation, ears pinned back.
"HEY! He was racist to me first, ya know!"
Blake whirled. "Well I'm everything he hates in a tight, curvy package!"
Velvet's eyes narrowed. "Not curvy enough."
The two cat Faunus lunged.
It was less a fight and more a whirlwind of ears, tails, and very creative swearing. Blake had reach. Velvet had speed and the righteous fury of someone who had been called "bunny" one too many times. They rolled across three tables, knocked over a tray of pancakes, and somehow ended up with Blake in a headlock while Velvet tried to bite her ear.
Glynda Goodwitch materialized in the doorway like divine judgment in heels.
"MISTER WINCHESTER! What is going on?!"
Cardin, still sitting exactly where Blake had left him, hands raised in surrender, squeaked:
"I DON'T KNOW!"
Later, in Team RWBY's dorm, Ruby flopped dramatically on her bed across from Blake's. The cat Faunus was lying on her bunk, face buried in her pillow.
"Why didn't you choose Jaune to make Adam jealous? He's nice!"
Blake groaned into her pillow. "That's the problem! Nobody would buy that he's racist!"
Jaune, who had been dragged along for moral support (and snacks), sat up indignantly. "HEY! I could be racist! …If I wanted to! …And had some time to prepare! …Maybe!"
Yang leaned against the desk, arms crossed, lilac eyes sparkling with mischief. "Why does he have to be racist?"
Blake lifted her head just enough to glare. "…I… You… Shut up!"
Jaune patted her shoulder consolingly. "For what it's worth, I think you and Cardin coudl have made a very convincing couple. The headlock was a nice touch."
Blake screamed into the pillow again.