veekie
Connoisseur.
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Gudako is probably not a good romance target for a while yet.
Needs more therapy
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Selling (Somewhat) Magic Goods in Arknights
- Thread starter Paracsus
- Start date
Needs more therapy
darotan
Know what you're doing yet?
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I see. Similar enough is similar enough then.
I actually thought Arno personally made the cartridges entirely by himself as a one-time gift, both the explosive propellant and the casing, so I had not realized that he obtained most of the components already pre-made from the Cart itself. It was why I thought he could also make a gun.
Oh well, at least that's one more useful product that the Cart is willing to sell. Still interesting to see the potential future consequences of them being used in Terra later.
Paracsus
Not too sore, are you?
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He combined the parts to make the cartridges as a whole. He has neither the knowhow or the machinery to make the casings, and asking others would have people piece together exactly what he was making.
With his gun, he received his own handy bullet press, together with a stash of gunpowder, primers, and casings. He just commissioned from other Operators (like the aforementioned Eunectes and Viulcan) for things like the tips under the guise of needing "sensitive machine components". And now that contracts have been made, the Cart now supplies them full time without Arno having to make them.
Also on that last part, I can already see Laterano trying and failing to have Rhodes covert into a munitions company once it comes out that they have special bullets.
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Aleph31
Don’t do bad things from now on!
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Ammo so glorious she had to get out of her wheelchair.
What? That isn't correct, only the Rainbows have access to gunpowder firearms and that fact is kept top secret in lore.
The BlackSteel guns are literally the same as the Laterano guns, and the reason why that's allowed without getting smote by the church is because the founder Cliff is a Santka native.
Honesty following the canon, Executor would have a shotgun to Arno's forehead the moment he saw those bullets, unless this is after Hortus de Escapismo, and even then it's iffy.
Exusai would be cool with it though, cause she's not snitch.
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Paracsus
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Lemuen CAN walk when she needs to, so I agree. Bullets so incredible, she had to do it lol
I thought Team Rainbow now ran on alternatives since their firearms worked differently? And I always thought the reason why Jessica's firearms are particularly expensive was to account for how limited her Arts was. Woops.
About Federico, it's exactly why I used Lemuen and Exia as proxies. He, Insider, and other Laterano ops don't know where the bulets are from. It's because they WILL be problematic.
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Aleph31
Don’t do bad things from now on!
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Yeah, they made Originum bullets for Rainbow, but they couldn't figure out the reverse. Also the Originum bullets kinda suck, dropping Tachanka's effective range from 700m to 200m which is why he is a guard instead of a god.
Except that is contradicted by the goddamn Limbus Company crossover where Irene's (Originum based) pistol blasts through several buildings. But those pistols dont even fire bullets, so Im not sure they count as firearms.
So Arknights guns are all Originum based, but are both weaker and stronger than modern guns, and sometimes skip bullets entirely.
Terra technology is completely wack. Goofy animals dont even know what Nitric Acid is.
Paracsus
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I mean, they didn't have to develop that tech because Originium already skips many steps in chemistry. It functions as propellants for bullets, the batteries for vehicles and machines, fuel for transportation next to gasoline (if they even have that), and even the basis for some arts.Yeah, they made Originum bullets for Rainbow, but they couldn't figure out the reverse. Also the Originum bullets kinda suck, dropping Tachanka's effective range from 700m to 200m which is why he is a guard instead of a god.
Except that is contradicted by the goddamn Limbus Company crossover where Irene's (Originum based) pistol blasts through several buildings. But those pistols dont even fire bullets, so Im not sure they count as firearms.
So Arknights guns are all Originum based, but are both weaker and stronger than modern guns, and sometimes skip bullets entirely.
Terra technology is completely wack. Goofy animals dont even know what Nitric Acid is.
Unlike here on Earth were we had to find these things individually to make the products associatied to them, Originium ended up as the catch all material.
Chapter 24.1
New
Paracsus
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Weekend Morning
The shakshuka was already loud in the pan when Gudako wandered in.
Tomatoes had broken down into a thick, spiced sauce; cumin and paprika hung in the air with the faint sharpness of garlic. Arno stood at the stove in a plain shirt, with his sleeves pulled up as he was trying and failing to seemingly poach eggs. As of now, 3 of 5 eggs suffer his meager skills as she saw him dropping them in a little too hard. The white spread unevenly while the yolk wobbled and threatened to smear before it could set.
Gudako leaned on the counter, still in a loose sleep shirt, hair half-tied and refusing to behave as she tried to comb it in. She watched the pan with a critical eye; already detailing the way on how she could fix his dish with her experience.
"I'll teach you how to poach eggs easily, Arno." she said as she continued to watch him making the food. "You're manhandling them like they're potatoes. You have to put them in gently for the sauce to cook them while they retain their shape. They're not trying to escape."
"They're eggs." Arno said he allowed her to take over. As the Beast girl was talking, he put some bread in the toaster to eat with the stew.
"And you're treating them too roughly, my Master. You're basically throwing them in." She reached past him, turned the heat down a fraction, and demonstrated with a gentle crack against the table as she skillfully opened it with one hand, and let it slide into the dish. "See?"
Niko appeared in the doorway as Arno and Gudako were setting up plates. She decided to sleep in today as it was the weekend. The cat girl was woken up by the sound and smell of food being cooked and went to the bathroom to prepare herself.
They ate while the morning filled the room and Arno turned on the T.V. to see the morning news. Arno had made enough for seconds and even thirds as he realized that Gudako can eat more than both him and his assistant combined, much to the redhead's embarrassment.
(It also doesn't help that Niko has caught her more than thrice eating almost all the ice cream and bread from the fridge in the middle of the night. And then Gudako would feign ignorance when all the food had disappeared the next morning, even when Niko was giving her the stink-eye as even the candy she's been saving wasn't spared.)
When the plates were stacked and the pan was soaking, Arno nodded toward the storage side of the living space.
A cluster of unfamiliar boxes waited there. They had not been there when they went to bed. They were unmarked, but had the large FRAGILE warning on the sides. And with some experimental shakes and rattles, Arno was able to determine that the contents were in glass containers.
"Alllrighty," Arno said as he dusted his hands off. "Since it's Saturday, there's no business today. So for now, let's just see what our mysterious benefactor sent us. Just checking the inventory so we know what we're dealing with for today. Maybe some "
Gudako was on her feet before he finished the sentence. "Can I help? This is the first time that I've seen how you guys get new stuff to sell."
"Oh, sure." Arno nodded as all three of them began pulling the crates into the living room. "Just be careful though, since we don't wanna cause a mess."
They worked side by side at the table as they began opening the crates. Glass answered with soft clinks as bottles and decanters were lifted into the light. They came in different shapes and sizes with some having specially shaped stoppers at the top. What stood out, however, was that some of them were actually glowing as they were brought into the morning sunlight into view.
A single sheet of paper slid free from the flap of the second crate.
It skated off the table edge between a chair leg and Niko's abandoned juice glass. Neither Arno nor Gudako looked down as they were too busy setting out the next row of glass.
Niko did.
She bent, pinched the paper up, and glanced at the dense block of text that detailed the exact contents and effects of the new items. Before she could start reading in earnest, Arno's voice cut across from the table.
"Hey Niko, do you mind using the coffee machine, when you have a second?."
"Okie-dokie." She folded the paper once and tucked it into her pocket for later, already moving toward the counter. Niko grabbed a nearby chair to reach the high shelf where the coffee beans were, and proceeded to grind them up and pour in the ingredients Arno taught her.
Meanwhile at the table, Gudako was gingerly opening the boxes with Arno. She opened the box with her lengthened claw and set aside the packing peanuts and beheld the contents. It took a little bit of examination when she realized exactly what was inside.
Then she squealed.
Niko nearly fumbled the coffee scoop and Arno almost ran to her side, fearing they were sent a bomb or something.
Gudako lifted one of the bottles and turned it in her hands. The liquid inside caught the light of the sun as her eyes widened.
"Aaarrnoo~~~!" she screamed in elation, holding up a bottle of almost glowing amber in the light. Her tail was wagging excitedly as she was almost vibrating in excitement. "We've got booooooze!"
She set the wine down and reached for another bottle, then another. Some of the labels were written in scripts she only half recognized. A few of the glowing ones pulsed gently when she touched them, as if beckoning to be tried and tested.
"These look soooo exciting!" She turned to Arno, already grinning. "We should try some of these! Oooooh, look at how orange that one looks! It's so vibrant and it even glows too. Mmmmm~, it's like it was meant for me! "
Gudako held the glowing amber bottle tightly, the liquid sloshing around in the bottle. Her tail now vigorously, and she was already reaching for a second bottle with her free hand; sea-foam green on that had a picture of a sleeping person on the label.
Arno stared at the open crates for a long moment. The sensible part of him that has been cultivated through his experience on Terra was telling him to be careful, and to look for the paper that should have been with the crates to know what was in these bottles.
That part of him lasted for less than half a minute before it whimpered and died because the other part of him, the one that had always liked a good drink after a long day in the range, was extremely loud and eager at this instant.
He had spent years around guns and the discipline they required. That discipline had kept him from doing stupid things considering the large arsenal his family had. It did not, however, stop him from enjoying a proper glass when the time was right. And right now the table was covered in bottles that looked far more interesting than anything he has seen so far in recent memory.
(Back in the PL warehouse, Exusiai looked to the storage door of the kiosk she was manning. She could've sworn someone just slighted her at that moment, but shrugged it off before going back to telling Mostima and the esteemed Miss Suffering about the new friends she made. Even as the latter chased the two Sankta across the area for that embarrassing nickname, she still notably bought many of the Fae Feast Series pastries and juice to bring along.)
He reached out and took the amber bottle from Gudako's hands while the latter looked at him with wide eyes gleaming with a desire to sample everything..
"All right," he said, the corner of his mouth lifting into a smile. He barely caught himself when Gudako surged forward to hug and squeal at the thought of the drinks. "We check them carefully, though. And we do this one at a time. And we stop the second anything feels wrong."
Gudako's grin widened. "Yeah, yeah. I knew you had it in you, Master."
Niko stood near the coffee machine, watching the two of them with a mild frown. She had finished grinding the beans and was waiting for the water to heat. The whole display of bottles and glowing liquid left her unimpressed.
"I don't get it," she said as she scratched her head. "Alcohol tastes super gross, so why is everyone so happy about it?"
Gudako glanced over, still holding another bottle. "It's an adult thing, Niko. When you get to our age with the right drinks, you'll understand."
Niko considered that, then shrugged. "Probably not. Mama gave me some red wine to try when she was given some on her birthday. Eeeewww."
She made a yucky face before she looked at Arno. "Can I go to the room? I don't want to accidentally knock anything over while you two are messing with the bottles."
Arno nodded. "Go ahead. Take my laptop if you want. Play whatever you like on my steam account; just don't break it or wipe my save files. And please don't buy anything without telling me."
"That was one time, okay?! I didn't think the purchase would go through!" Niko still remembered when she was being scolded for buying a 10 dollar game which wasn't even on sale which kinda hurt more.
At least it was something she's been pouring many hours into, so it wasn't a total waste.
Shaking her head, she grabbed the laptop from the side table, and headed down the short hall to their shared room. She closed the door behind her, sat on the bed, put on her earphones, and booted up Sulfur*. The folded paper she had picked up earlier stayed forgotten in her sleeve.
Back at the table, Arno and Gudako cleared space. They set out two small glasses, a pitcher of water, and a notepad. Arno insisted on writing down which bottle they opened and what it looked like before either of them tasted anything.
Arno set the amber bottle down and reached for the nearest crate flap, searching for the instruction sheet that should have come with the shipment. He hadn't seen it since they opened the boxes, and he wanted to be sure. The bottles looked expensive and strange, and he preferred knowing what they were dealing with before any of it touched his lips.
Gudako watched him dig through the packing material for a few seconds with a pout as her Master didn't seem to share the same degree of excitement as she did.
Her tail flicked once, then looped around his waist and pulled. Arno stumbled a half-step sideways and landed on the couch beside her. Before he could protest, she turned, planted both hands on his face, and held him there so he had to look at her.
"Arno, this is just some booze." she said, eyes locked on him. "Magical, fun, and hopefully tasty booze. This is like a once in a lifetime opportunity to try some magic wine, Master! We'll be fiiiiine~. I'm the one who guards this cart, remember? If something goes wrong, I handle it. That's the whole point of me being here."
She kept her hands where they were. Arno could feel the slight pressure of her palms and the way her thumbs rested near his jaw, and he couldn't help but flush a little in how intensely captivating Gudako was looking at him. The two of them stayed like that while the morning light moved across the table and the bottles sat waiting. Gudako's tail remained loosely wrapped around him, not tight, just enough to keep him from standing up again.
"Just trust me, m'kay? My new constitution also kinda makes me more resistant to these kinda things anyway. Did you know that I drank 5 bottles of Zelretch's private reserve when he wasn't looking~? Coz I did, and it was soooo tasty! And I wasn't even buzzed after all of that, which was much better than when I was in Chaldea. Back then, some of Barty's rum could knock me out from a few swigs."
After a stretch of seconds that felt longer than it was, Arno let out a breath and gave a small nod. "Alright, alright, you win. We'll try some of them for now, but only one glass for each, okay? It's still almost afternoon, and I wanna go do stuff today. And we still need to make some food for Niko."
Gudako's face lit up. She let go of his face, threw both arms around him in a quick hug, and squealed against his shoulder. Then she spun back toward the bottles and started sorting through them with both hands, reading labels out loud and setting the more interesting ones closer to the middle of the table.
As Arno went to help her, he decided to fill the silence with conversation. So, he decided to talk about his dad.
"My dad and I used to film reviews about alcohol for the channel. Historic firearms are what we did most of the time, but after we packed up the range for the day we'd open something decent and talk about it on camera. People really seemed to like 'em too, but we had to stop since dad started taking medications for his health**."
Gudako paused with a dark green bottle in her hand and looked over. "You drank on camera with your dad? That sounds nice."
"It was. The better stuff also had us talking about the most random stuff too." Arno picked up a clear bottle with a simple cork and examined the blue liquid inside. "What about you? You sound like you've had practice."
"Weeeeell, I had some practice. Some notable drinkers back in Chaldea were Drake, Jing Ke, and the Nobus. Since I liked alcohol even before that, I thought it would be fun to join them on Ladies' Nights." Gudako hummed as she saw a particularly weird bottle that seemed vaguely familiar in shape. "And the first night did I realize the sheer fucking hubris I had by comparing myself to Servants."
It was a simple bottle with a blue liquid, with a note that said "Drink Me" attached to the cork. She shook her head and set it aside gently before regarding him***.
"Those women could drink an entire banquet under the table and still recite poetry. Drake would drag me into drinking contests every time we had a free night at Chaldea, and it even got to a point where my little brother and Nurse Nightingale had to step in to save my liver. Nobu would also show up with whatever she claimed was 'proper warlord sake' and refuse to leave until the bottles were empty, or when the Okitas began puking their guts out. Half the time the other Servants joined in too, so I learned fast or I got left behind."
"Damn, I don't know if I should congratulate you for living up to the drinking standards of Servants, or pity you for the extreme hangovers you and your brother must've gotten." Arno said as he went to grab some glasses and ice.
"Pshh, my brother? Nah, he hates booze, so he never got in with those kinda parties. He normally just spent time binging anime with the weebs like Edward and Okkie in their spare time. Fun fact, by the way; apparently aside from doujin and other degenerate stuff, Edward was also quite the connoisseur when it came to wine in particular. He took me out on a date during Valentine's Day on his ship after buying the latest figurines. He taught me about the best ways to try rum and wines, though I could never handle his usual drink."
"The one with gunpowder?"
"The one with gunpowder****. Blech!" Gudako cutely blew a raspberry as she remembered the taste of that abomination.
She still grinned at the memory and kept sorting. Her hands moved from bottle to bottle until they stopped on a small rounded one filled with deep red liquid. The label showed two hands clasped together, vines wrapped around the wrists and fingers. The name printed underneath read Companion's Chambord.
"Ooooh. Look at this one, Arno." Gudako lifted it so he could see the label, then broke the seal with a quick twist and reached for the two small glasses they had set out earlier.
Arno raised an eyebrow. "Chambord, huh? Didn't think we'd get some of the higher end stuff to sell in our little shack."
Gudako started pouring, careful not to spill. "What's a Chambord?"
"It's a black raspberry liqueur," Arno said. "They steep the berries in cognac and add honey, vanilla, and a few other things. It's sweet, but not syrupy if it's made right. People mix it or drink it on its own."
Gudako stopped pouring for a second and stared at him. "How do you know all that?"
"Same reason I know the difference between a well-made spirit and the cheap stuff. Dad and I didn't stick to beer or cheap vodka. We tried the more expensive bottles when we could afford them. Guns paid for the channel while the channel paid for better drinks."
She finished filling both glasses and slid one toward him. Arno picked it up but didn't drink yet. He looked at the red liquid, then at her.
"You sure this is fine? We still haven't found the paper that came with these."
Gudako waved the concern off with one hand. "Relaaaaax. My intuition is clear and the Beast isn't growling about any of it. If something was off, I'd know. We're good."
Both of them gave a whiff to take in the aroma of the liquor, and Arno seemed more incline to dive in. Gudako, however, seemed to be taking it similarly….with some changes..
'Mmm~. It smells so nice~. It smells like…raspberry preserves, freshly cut grass, new cookbooks, and…hmmm~?*****' Gudako internally murmured, her mind flashing back to when Arno hugged her a little while ago.
Arno then studied her face for another moment, then reached out and patted her head. "Thanks for keeping an eye on things."
Gudako giggled and leaned into it for a second before straightening up. She raised her glass.
"Cheers."
Arno tapped his glass against hers, and they both drank.
(Unbeknownst to them, Zelretch actually knew she was gonna steal those bottles beforehand, so he quietly swapped them out with particularly tasty bottles of juice from the Toriko universe. None of which had alcohol, so while she's not wrong that she now has better constitution due to her new body, she is unaware of how hard these brews will hit.)
Two hours later Niko's stomach growled loud enough to break her focus.
She had just lost every item in her inventory again on Sulfur because of those dumb crows. The screen showed the familiar death message and the walk of shame to her meager supplies and weapons almost had her scream out in frustration. She paused the game, pulled the earphones off, and sat still for a moment while the hunger settled in. Breakfast felt far away after all of that, and she hasn't heard from Gudako or Arno from a while.
With the lack of sounds from the kitchen being noticed by her, she knew what she was to do next.
Niko swung her legs off the bed and stood up. She left the laptop open on the blanket and walked out into the hallway. She rubbed her eyes and started toward the main room, already planning to ask Arno if there were any leftovers in the fridge or if Gudako had some snacks she could have.
Halfway down the short hall she remembered the paper.
She patted her sleeve and pulled out the folded sheet she had picked up earlier and as the dense block of text stared back at her, she had meant to hand it over as soon as they began opening the crates. Instead she had walked straight to her room and forgotten the whole thing.
Niko picked up her pace.
"Arno? Gudako?" she called as she reached the living room doorway. "Hey, guys? I'm sorry, I forgot to give you the notice that came with the packages. It's right here if you guys want it!"
No answer.
She stepped fully into the living room and looked around. The still open crates and rows of bottles were what greeted her. Most of them sat untouched while one rounded bottle of deep pink liquid stood near the edge with its stopper off. Even from where she was standing, she could smell the almost cloyingly (to her) sweet smell coming from the glasses next to it.
Niko frowned. "Hello…? Guys?" She walked closer and checked the couch, the kitchen counter, and knocked at the bathroom.
Empty.
The television was still playing, now playing some random commercial about a Perro holding a hotdog******. She turned in a full circle once, then again, as if the two adults might appear from behind a crate if she looked hard enough.
Curious..
She picked up the half-full glass and took a small sip before she could think better of it. The taste hit her tongue and she almost did a spittake with how awful it tasted to her. Not only that, something inside her also had a full-blown rejection to whatever that icky wine was. She set the glass down fast and wiped her mouth with her sleeve as she continued looking for her guardians.
'Still gross,' she thought. 'Wine is still gross, regardless of what anyone says. I don't care how fancy the bottle looks or whatever it says on the label. Ew!'
She shook her head and kept searching. The bathroom door stood open and empty, the front entrance was locked from the inside, and their phones and bags were still on the nearby rack so that meant they hadn't left yet. That left the cargo bay at the back of the cart.
Niko started in that direction. Her bare foot came down on something that was not floor.
She stopped and looked down to see a torn shirt lay crumpled near the table leg. She bent, picked it up, and held it out. The fabric was the same loose shirt Gudako had worn that morning while Arno with breakfast. It was completely ruined from the middle, like someone tore it from there and tried to open it like Superman.
Niko's ears flattened as she was worried now.
She dropped the shirt, spun around, and ran back to her room. She grabbed the scepter from its place beside the bed and the small spellbook she kept under the pillow. The weight of both settled her nerves a fraction. She checked the charge on the scepter the way Arno had shown her, then stepped back into the hallway.
The living room was still empty. The pink bottle still sat open. The torn shirt still lay where she had dropped it.
Niko moved slower now. She kept the scepter in both hands and angled her body so she could see as much of the room as possible. Every few steps she paused and listened. Nothing. She reached the short corridor that led to the cargo bay and stopped again.
That was until she heard it.
"G-Guda–!" Arno groaned in what Niko's sure was pain before his voice was muffled by something.
Niko's heart jumped as she ran forward. She did not wait and she shoved the door open hard and raised the scepter in the same motion with a spell on the tip of her tongue.
The cargo bay lights were on. The space beyond the doorway filled her vision all at once as Niko's eyes went wide when she realized what she was looking at.
"CLEAR SKIES!"
Light flared from the end of the scepter as the spell activated.
A little while later the three of them sat around the dining table with plates of food Gudako had thrown together. She had stayed at the stove the entire time, chopping, stirring, and plating without looking at either of them more than she had to. The smell of garlic and soy filled the cart. Arno kept his eyes on his plate while Gudako kept hers on the pan even after everything was served. Niko sat between them, chopsticks in hand, watching the two adults avoid each other's faces like the table itself might explode if they made eye contact.
The only sounds for the first few minutes were utensils against dishes and the low hum of the cart's air conditioning. Niko took a bite, chewed, and set her chopsticks down.
"I'm sorry I forgot to give you the paper," she said. "It was in my pocket the whole time. I should've handed it over before I went to my room."
Arno's head came up fast. "Hey, no, don't do that. That's not on you, Niko."
Gudako turned from the counter with the same hurried energy. "Yeah, don't even start. We should've looked for it ourselves. We got excited and skipped the part where we read the instructions, so that's on us. Okay?"
Niko nodded, even though she still looked pretty upset. She continued to poke at her food even as she answered, "Okay. Thanks guys."
They ate in that same stiff silence for another stretch when Gudako finally sat down with her own plate but kept her chair angled slightly away from Arno while he did the same. The latter watched them both and decided the silence had gone on long enough.
"S-so," he stuttered, "that spell you used earlier. You really helped us out of that pickle, huh?"
Gudako set her own utensils down and gave her full attention to the child, desperate to veer the discussion to what happened earlier. "Y-yeah! What was that? It was pretty effective in our situation earlier, so can you tell us where you learned it?"
Niko shrugged. "I tried the opened wine when I went looking for you guys, and it felt like something was wrong besides being gross. Like something was trying to tell me to do something I didn't want to do. Then I found Gudako's shirt on the floor all torn up and you guys were missing. I figured something bad happened, so I got my scepter in case something got into the cart or if you guys got sick."
Gudako let out a short breath that was almost a laugh. "That's amazing, Niko. You were able to handle something like that on your own? Not many kids your age have the bravery to do that."
Niko's ears flicked once at the compliment as she brightened up slightly. "Thanks, the spellbook is teaching me a lot, and I took Arno's suggestion to practice over at the PL Warehouse so I don't break anything. Mr. Bison said that this particular spell was really helpful since some of the guys at the warehouse got sick from abusing the coffee to work longer shifts."
(At that nugget of information, Arno made sure to call Emperor and tell him about what his boys were doing. It was later known that those boys were later suspended without pay for basically stealing hours from others, and even forbidden to one coffee each per week. Many complained, and some even sneakily tried to keep using the coffee and were subsequently fired thanks to Texas snooping around.)
Gudako leaned forward a little, elbows on the table. "About that. When we try the other bottles, can you stay with us? Just in case something else goes sideways again since you now have a Cleansing ability…We'll be really careful this time now that you're there to help us, promise!"
Niko stared at her. "You're seriously going to try more of them? After what happened an hour ago?"
Arno sat up straighter. "We'll be careful now. Really small pours, one at a time, and we stop the second anything feels off. But yeah, we still need to know what half of those bottles do if we're going to sell any of them. And having you nearby with that spell ready would help a lot."
Niko sighed through her nose, but the corner of her mouth twitched. "Fine. I'll stick around. But the second either of you starts acting weird again, I'm knocking you guys out and I'm locking the wine somewhere away, deal?."
"Deal," Arno said.
Gudako nodded fast. "Deal."
Niko took another bite of her food then spoke without looking up. "Well, I don't really see the big deal, honestly. I mean, both of you looked reaaaaallly comfortable with each other earlier~."
She was looking down to hide the smirk on her face.
Arno's ears went red while Gudako's face matched the color of the tomato sauce from breakfast. She pointed a chopstick at Niko.
"Shut up. That is not funny."
"But why? You liiiiike him~."
The Beast girl growled and furiously pinched Niko's cheeks even as the girl was whining that it hurt. Arno rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the table. "Why didn't the Beast say anything? You said it usually warns you."
Gudako's voice came out smaller. "I asked it the same thing once my head cleared and it told me the drink wasn't harmful. And then it said…" She trailed off as her face started to redden again, actual steam coming off from the top of her head. "I-it said Arno was already part of the hoard anyway, so it was just a matter of time."
—----
FLASHBACK
Gudako was standing in a dark, damp place. She was surrounded by ankle deep water with almost no end in sight, and in front of her was a massive cage—
"Wait, what is this? Naruto?" Gudako snorted, as she realized that she was standing in a certain Jinchuuriki's mindscape.
She thought about and imagined a place in one of her memories. And now sat in a log cabin situated in a forest that oversaw a massive lake. It was a quaint area that held memories of a Summer Singularity back in Chaldea, and after clearing the usual hijinks (a horror movie trope, in this one) that came with these singularities it became quite loved by many of the outdoorsy Servants such as William Tell and Illya who donned a cute outfit for the occasion. The place had some fun memories…if one ignored Paisen's horrible luck throughout the whole thing.
And after stoking the not-so-real fireplace for a bit and opening windows to center herself, she walked out to see The Beast of which she was looking to converse with.
It seemed to have currently chosen Gudako's own appearance as its manifested form; the difference being that The Beast was more than 30x her host's original size and had all its animal features showing, unlike Gudako who only has her tail out. It was on its back as if it was sunbathing as it was wearing one of her swimsuit Mystic Codes.
'Reminds me of Kingprotea…' the host thought as she cleared her throat to grab Its attention. The Beast's previously closed eyes opened and regarded her for a moment before rolling over to lay on Its tummy with arms crossed.
"Hmm? What is it, my dear?" The Beast said, looking at the girl like it was a particularly amusing ant on a sugar cube.
Gudako planted her feet in the grass and crossed her arms as she was upset.
"Why didn't you say anything about the wine?" she asked. "You usually speak up the second something feels off, so what the fuck was that?! Do you not get how humiliating that was to lose control in that way? If it wasn't for Niko finding Arno and I that way, who knows what could've happened!'
The Beast stretched one long arm over its head, then propped its chin on its hand. The swimsuit fabric shifted with the movement. Its expression stayed relaxed, almost bored.
"You need to work on your wording, dear. You told me to warn you if anything was harmful or lethal. That red stuff had neither, so I stayed quiet. Simple as that."
Gudako's jaw tightened. "That's splitting hairs and you know it, you fucking bitch! You could have given me a heads-up the moment the liquid touched our tongues. And now, Arno…"
Her eyes glazed over as she recalled what happened. The warmth in her chest, the sweet whispers of yearning…the ecstasy when he—.
"Could have, yes. But I did not, for you set the rules that I followed." The Beast's mouth curved into a lazy smile as its voice snapped him out of it. "Besides, watching the two of you flounder about and struggle together was quite the treat. You rarely look that flustered."
"Entertaining." Gudako repeated the word flatly. "We're supposed to be partners in this body. You let us walk straight into that mess because you thought it was funny."
"Partners, yes. Mind-readers, no." The Beast rolled onto its side, still watching her with the same amused look. "You asked a narrow question, so I gave a narrow solution to said question. If you want me to flag anything that alters mood, judgment, or motor control, say those words. Harmful and lethal are specific; that drink was neither. You really should know when and how to ask for such things, dear girl."
Gudako exhaled through her nose and kept her arms crossed as she glared at the being before her. The grass under her shoes felt real enough that she could dig her heels in as she tried to articulate how angry she was at It but decided it ultimately wasn't worth the effort.
"Fine, then explain this part. We share the same body, so why did the wine still affect me at all? Shouldn't whatever hits me either hit you the same way or get blocked by whatever defenses you keep running?"
The Beast let out a short, bright laugh that carried across the lake and bounced back from the tree line.
"We share the body, yet our minds are still separate, you fool. That is the key point you keep forgetting. Brainwashing, hypnosis, any of that mind-control nonsense bounces right off you because I make sure of it by shrouding your psyche with mine. I have been doing that since the day I was born from that dark little place you call your mind. But that wine came from something above even me. I felt the edge of it the second it hit your system and still could not stop it from asserting itself. Rare, but it happens. So whatever made those bottles sits higher on the ladder than a Beast of Humanity, especially as fledgeling as we are."
Gudako stared up at the oversized face that looked exactly like hers, only thirty times larger and wearing a swimsuit that left almost nothing to the imagination. "You felt it and still said nothing."
"I did. And I decided it was funny. Also, you left me in that damp cage for weeks. This lake and cabin are an improvement, but you only fixed the scenery because you needed to talk. Call it a light payback for the delay."
"Payback!? Why didn't you say anything then!?"
"Exactly. You ignored me until you needed answers. I let you deal with the consequences of your own orders. Fair trade in my book."
Gudako rubbed her temple with two fingers. The Beast looked completely unbothered, still stretched out like a cat that had the audacity to be amused at her suffering.
"I set that rule because I did not want you screaming in my head every time we walked past a strong drink or a spicy dish, or even a particularly handsome man." Gudako said and the beast looked offended. "Don't give me that look. When I was out with Niko, I heard you whispering about how some of the men on the beach looked 'particularly tasty.'
The girl visibly retched as she recalled the things It was saying to her that time.
"I wanted filters that would tell me if things were dangerous. Things that could actually kill us or make permanent changes. Mood changes and bad decisions were supposed to stay my problem."
"And they DID stay your problem. You're still here unchanged, are you not? The drink simply lowered your inhibitions and made both of you honest about what you already wanted. I watched the whole thing and decided the show was worth the silence. It helped that the red stuff was really tasty too~."
"That's not a good defense and you know it!"
"Please! As if I need to defend myself from someone such as you. It is an explanation that you demanded, yet you are upset because the result embarrassed you in front of the child and the man you keep calling Master. That is a you problem, not a me problem."
Gudako took a step closer to the giant form. From this distance she had to tilt her head back just to keep eye contact. "Next time I set a rule, you better not be purposefully obtuse with what I mean. Anything that makes us lose track of where we are or what we are doing; you will speak up for all of them. Understood?"
"Please do. Write it down if you have to. Clear instructions make my job easier and save us both the headache afterward. I would rather not listen to you complain for an hour every time something unexpected happens."
"You are still treating this like a joke."
"I am treating this like what it is. We are partners now, no? Is it wrong for me to seek out my own form of entertainment, hmm?"
The Beast waved its hand and summoned the same bottle Gudako was fretting over from their shared memories, and it idly poured itself a glass before savoring the taste. The grin it gave her was filled with sharp teeth, making Gudako look at a caricature of her own face with annoyance since she knew The Beast liked pressing her buttons.
Gudako sighed as she now had a headache while dealing with the Troublesome Creature. The dang Thing chortled and giggled as if it was proud that it had reduced its host to this level. She eventually planted herself on a stump nearby.
"Is there anything else about those bottles I should know?" she asked.
"They come from a place very much above the likes of things you have ever seen. Very secretive and very powerful stuff, the likes of which most of the meatbags outside could ever hope to fathom. The one who sent them has a sense of humor that matches mine, I believe. That is all I can tell you. The rest you will have to learn the hard way, the same way you learned everything else."
"Helpful as always."
"I am consistent. That is better than helpful most days."
"Tch. Why didn't you at least stop Arno?" she asked. "It's our job to aid him now. You could have shut the effect down on his side even if you let it hit me. You and I both know you can just take over and would have stopped him when he got…handsy…"
Gudako pinked a little as The Beast gave a slow shrug that shifted the entire length of its body across the grass.
"If I did that, I would have most likely killed him for his insolence. Yet I didn't because like all great beings, I wish to attain a hoard of my own. Arno is part of our hoard now, and we have a say in anything that involves him, no? I decided the experience was useful and funny. No reason to interrupt a good thing when it happens."
'What are you, a dragon?' Gudako mused. 'Stop trying so hard to emulate Fafnir, dumbass.'
The thing in front of her made no signs that it heard Gudako's inner monologue. It hummed, low and pleased, and its eyes half-closed.
"He tasted excellent, by the way. I would not mind having another session with that naughty boy when the chance appears~. If you're not going to capitalize on that specimen…well, tell him to lock his doors at night."
Gudako's face went hot. She stuttered, hands coming up as if she could push the words back.
"I-it's not like that. I am NOT that easy, especially since it's barely been a month since we first met!"
The Beast sighed, now clearly annoyed at the stubbornness of its host.
"Mating rituals of mortals are so troublesome. All the circling and denial, the back and forth for even the most meager of affection. You are both greedy by nature, so you might as well stake the claim early and stop wasting time. Oh, both of you can swear it all you want, silly girl. Don't think I haven't noticed both of you…what's the term? Ah, 'checking each other out', I believe. I merely helped things along, and the result certainly was effective if I do say so myself."
"Stuff it," Gudako snapped. "Y-you're just repeating what you said about those guys on the beach again! I'm not like that, okay?! This is not the same."
The Beast's expression flattened. It pushed itself up on its elbows, clearly offended.
"When I said those men on the beach looked tasty, I meant it quite literally. They carried themselves like trained warriors; far stronger than the average meatbags that interact with the Cart. Mercenaries, perhaps?"
The Beast pondered as Gudako's beast contorted from shock to horror.
"If you had partaken of their flesh and minds, we would be so much stronger right now. Such a waste of experiences and skills, all ripe for the taking if it wasn't for your pesky morality!"
It licked its lips with slow satisfaction.
Gudako froze. Relief hit first as at least the Beast was not pushing her toward sleeping with random men. Yet this was overshadowed with horror as it was telling her to actually consider fucking cannibalism! The idea sat in her stomach like a stone.
"It is not exactly cannibalism when we are not the same species as them, is it? Besides, we are far above those meatbags in all shapes and forms, so do not liken us to them."
She opened her mouth to shout.
The Beast spoke first, voice sharp and final.
"I believe it is time for us to part ways, as you have begun to bore me. I will be here when you need me again. Try not to leave the scenery so drab and dreadful as I do very much like the lake. Now, BE GONE!!"
The mindscape dropped away before Gudako could answer. The oversized form, the water, the projected sun—all of it vanished at once. She opened her eyes to see the bright lights of the now cargo bay of the cart.
Her back was against the wall. Without thinking, her fist drove sideways.
*SMASH!*
The panel caved in. Wood and composite split under the force, leaving a deep crater the size of a cauldron. Dust and splinters scattered across the floor while Niko jumped from where she was fussing over the unconscious Arno.
"What the—Gudako?! Are you okay!?"
Gudako stared at the hole for half a second. Then she cupped both hands over her face and screamed straight into her palms. In the back of her mind the Beast was still laughing, loud and delighted at every second of her frustration.
END FLASHBACK
—------
Niko made a strangled sound that turned into open giggles. She tried to cover her mouth and failed, and the pinching continued.
Arno reached over and bopped her lightly on the head with two fingers. "Adult stuff. Hush."
Niko leaned away, still laughing. "You two were all over each other like peanut butter and jelly, too. Besides, I'm twelve years old, not five!"
Gudako dropped her forehead onto the table with a groan. Arno looked like he wanted the floor to open up and take him while Niko kept laughing until she had to wipe her eyes, then reached for more rice like nothing had happened.
"I know you guys like each other a lot." Niko said, twisting the knife. "But can't you guys do it…I dunno…? Out on a date!? I know that all three of us live here, but that doesn't mean I wanna see you guys sucking each other's faces off, okay?!"
Niko was then seen on the floor as the other two residents were now furiously tickling her sides as vengeance; the girl now barely able to breath from how much she's rolling and laughing from her punishment.
With their late lunch said and done, Arno stood at the sink with his sleeves rolled up, scrubbing the plates and pans. Soap bubbles stacked up along the edge of the basin while the water ran. Behind him, Niko and Gudako cleared the table and pulled the open crates closer.
"Okay," Gudako said, spreading the instruction paper flat. "So here's how we're gonna do it, m'kay?"
Under her instructions, Niko used some nearby crates and organized them with different names. "Safe pile here, pending pile there and return pile waaay over by the wall. Let's see which ones are safe first based off the description so Arno can try them out when he finishes. And while he does that, I'll try out the pending ones based on their descriptions, so I need yo to be alert on this one, okay buddy?"
Niko nodded and started lifting bottles one by one. She held each one up so Gudako could match it to the dense text on the sheet.
"Alrighty, let's see…Giant's Mead gives a mild strength increase."
"Safe. Put it on the left." Niko set it down carefully in the box.
"Delightful Daiquiri." Gudako muttered, her eyes scanning the sickly yellow bottle. "It has a warning label on it. 'Keep out of reach from creatures with Mental Resistance lower than Rank B.' How do we check people's mental resistance though…?"
"NOPE! It says on the bottle that it induces extreme happiness, and may cause extreme depression after. To the wall you go, Mr. Bottle!" Niko hurriedly put it away.
A green bottle named Gentle Dream Gin went into the middle group. The effect says it puts the user into a death-like sleep, but they wake up extremely well-rested after. So it shall be put under review.
They kept going with Arno eventually joining the fray. The concerning thing they've noticed is that the smallest of the pile seemed to be the Safe one, and it still had to go under review to be sure. At least the Return pile seemed to also be the same way, and were pretty obvious in what made them red flags.
Arno shuddered at the cans called the Potbelly Pilsner, as it seemed to cater to people who like eating heavy food by making said food taste better, yet also increase ravenous and gluttonous behavior; hence the potbelly theme.
Sure, it would be good for business since he can just sell the bentos together with it; but Arno would rather have customers that pay less and stay healthy over morbidly obese customers who'd pay loads and eat themselves into an early grave.
Arno prepared some fried snacks and lots of water to try with the drinks. The three piles sat in neat rows across the floor.
"Looks organized," he said. "Ready to test?"
Gudako nodded. "You take the Safe ones while I'll handle Pending. The Beast is listening this time, so if anything feels off, it'll speak to me."
"You really should give her a name, as it feels kind of rude to keep calling her that."
"Hmph!" Gudako huffed, crossing her arms. The Beast chortled, amused that a mortal was going to Name it. "I'll figure something out for that troublesome creature later. So are you ready to try the stuff now or not?"
Sensing he was touching on a sore subject, the Mr. Seller backed off and they all went to work.
Arno picked up the first Safe bottle—the Giant's Mead at Gudako's suggestion—and poured some into his glass. Upon trying it, he felt an overwhelming power coursing through him, as if he can probably lift the whole Cart over his head like it was a toy. His muscles seemed to tighten and he felt hot, different from the usual warmth coming from trying out alcohol.
Without warning, he suddenly lifted the whole Safe pile crate with one hand, bottles rattling as he moved it back and forth much to Niko's awe. Gudako noticed he was getting carried away now and urged Niko to cleanse the alcohol from him now.
"The Giant's Mead doesn't seem to have any mental effects aside from the sudden power rush. Sorry, I felt like I could crush boulders with my fists and got excited. Thanks, Niko."
He marked it on the notepad and moved to the next. Another bottle of what seemed to be creme de cacao instantly made him feel really cozy, like he was enveloped by the warmth of a fireplace. Another tasted sharply of spicy tamarind candy, and actually made him sneeze a small spout of fire; this one was moved to the Return pile as it melted a nearby mug into a puddle.
Whatever sent these bottles here either had no idea what they were doing, or was so far above them that they could drink these things without a care in the world.
While he worked, Gudako started on the Pending group. She poured smaller amounts and waited longer between sips. The first one sharpened her hearing until she could pick out the individual ticks of the wall clock, as well as the heartbeats of Niko and Arno even as they were sitting across from her.
After instructing Niko to move it to the Safe pile, she picked up another one that was pitch black. Upon sampling it, it tasted of licorice, yet it was heavy on her tongue not unlike drinking syrup. But after a minute, she was suddenly in a void of pure nothingness. Just completely black and she couldn't feel, see, or hear anything. All she could feel was someone shaking her due to the movement.
As she was about to start flailing around, The Beast stirred as it spoke in her mind..
"Calm yourself; this concoction seems to lock out all the five senses a mortal body has. You are still in the Cart with your handlers, so sit still. If you still feel anxious, stretch out your senses to seek them out; just like how you did with those hooligans not too long ago."
As she calmed down, she could now feel the warmth of the sun from Niko as the young girl cleared away the effects of the cursed drink. Arno had long taken away the bottle from her grasp and even laid her out on the sofa to stop Gudako from hurting herself.
"Are you okay?" Niko asked, concerned. Her staff is still emitting the gentle glow of the Cleansing spell. "Y-You had this black gunk coming out of your eyes and ears, and when you tried to speak it also started coming out of your mouth."
"Y-Yeah," Gudako sputtered, still shaken from the ordeal. "Yeah I'm okay. The Beast helped out by telling me what that stuff does, and even taught me how to calm down. Thanks, guys"
Arno came back with a glass of water to help her steady herself. He also helped her sit up, but was surprised when she leaned on him for warmth.
'That must've been quite the experience.' Arno thought.
"Would you like to rest up a bit?" He asked, patting her head to calm her. "I think I've drunk quite a bit so I'll be taking a break for now. I wanna be as sober as I can if I'm going to be thorough and accurate in our findings."
"No, I think I'm good now." Gudako replied as she accepted the notepad from Niko. It seems she dropped it while she had her episode. "I've barely just started, so I want to do more before calling it quits."
"Okay, if you say so. But if you go through something like that again, I'll have to ask you to stop, alright? It's still the afternoon, and it's the weekend; so we don't need to rush or anything."
"M'kay, I won't. Thanks again for the help, Master. Niko."
After examining the glass from earlier down once more, she wrote a note and placed it in the Return pile. The next bottle was orange and had an eye motif at the front, and when Gudako tried it, it tasted slightly of…carrots?
"Oh? How interesting. I suggest having Arno try this one out, as it would have no effect on you. Do not fret, it is completely harmless; it would simply be better for him to try it out to know the effects."
"Got it."
Arno stepped in to try, and was amazed because the drink seemed to improve his vision. Niko turned off all the lights and he could see everything like it was in broad daylight. Upon further inspection, it also utilized different types of vision since Arno could also see through walls and objects, as well as see heat signatures on the different colored spectrum. The dubbed Visual Vodka was placed in the Safe pile, as further experimentation seemed to show that it didn't hurt the drinker even when used for prolonged periods of time aside from the slight headache that Arno got as he wasn't used to seeing things in such a way..
They continued. Most of the Pending bottles were sorted away into the other piles, while some remained as the two adults were genuinely unsure on what to do with them. One example was a drink that allowed one to talk to a random type of animal, but at the cost of exhibiting certain behaviors of said animal.
(Which was how Gudako got her gacha privileges back from Arno. Don't ask what happened, but just know that Arno did something rather impressive, yet incredibly embarrassing.)
A couple triggered low warnings from the Beast and got moved immediately. The process stayed like that until Gudako's hand finally landed on the simple blue bottle with the handwritten tag that read "Drink Me."
She turned it once, curious.
"This one looks vaguely familiar, doesn't it? I could've sworn I've seen this one before…"
Niko looked at the bottle, and shook her head. "Nope, doesn't ring a bell for me. What about you, Arno? Have you seen it before?"
"Well, I don't think so?" Arno replied, examining the bottle as he looked at the paper. "The design is so vague and simple that it honestly kinda looks more like a bottle of perfume rather than a drink. If it didn't have that paper stuck to it, I probably would've just chucked it into a shelf next to the potted plants or something."
"Do you still want me to try it?"
Arno glanced over. "Smallest sip possible, if you can. It doesn't have a name so I can't really match it off description without knowing the effect beforehand. Sifting through the other bottles and cross-referencing is gonna take a while too, so might as well get it over with. You sure you wanna give it a go, though? I can take over again if you like."
Gudako wordlessly tipped the bottle and let a single bead of liquid fall onto her tongue.
'Hm? It tastes like whiske—."
The world expanded.
One second she was standing at normal height. The next she was the size of an action figure, before she started falling. If she hadn't expanded her wings mid-descent, she probably could've gotten hurt. Her clothes had shrunk with her, thankfully. She looked up at the two enormous faces staring down at her as she processed exactly what had happened.
Niko's eyes went wide, then she broke into a huge grin.
"No way. You're so tiny!"
She lifted Gudako closer to her face and turned her hand slowly, examining her from every angle like a new toy.
"Look at your little tail. And your hair's still messy. This is the best thing that's happened all day."
Gudako crossed her arms as best she could at that scale. "Niko, Put me down! Right now!"
"Oooh, your voice is so tiny too! It's like when that grandma heard Remy speak in Ratotoullie!" Niko giggled as she pulled out her phone. "In a minute. You're the perfect size for the shelf, or maybe the coffee mug."
Niko gently poked Gudako's shoulder with one finger. The tiny Beast girl staggered a step and glared up at her.
"I will remember this."
"Worth it. Hehehehe~." Gudako was then picked up and placed in a mug, and she glared petulantly at Niko who was taking pictures once more. The exiled Last Master calmed down when Niko placed half a donut next to her, and she took advantage of her size to savor the massive treat as the latter watched.
Arno set his current glass aside and leaned in. "Okay, enough. Niko, can you clear it please?"
Niko, who was currently holding the struggling Gudako like a toy airplane while making jet engine sounds, finally relented. She grabbed her staff again and performed the spell. "Okie-dokie. Clear Skies."
As Gudako was now growing back to her regular size, Arno called a break for the testing since Exusiai called in to ask for more supplies of the juice and bread as a contingent of visiting Laterano had heard of the the Penguin Pantry and requested a bulk order.
The Cart and the Penguin Pantry operated differently wherein the latter was actually open 24/7, with Emperor putting up a skeleton crew for the night shift. So Niko and Arno actually had to come in sometimes to restock things early before the weekend. The order was so huge, however, that an emergency refill had to be done. The girls decided to simply pack up the stuff and continue the tests the next day.
OMAKE: Exusiai's Birthday (Gudako's Present Aftermath)
A few days after Exusiai's birthday, the three of them sat in the cart's main room with the lights low. Nian's newest movie played on the screen; some loud, over-the-top action comedy involving dragons, fireworks, and a drama sub-plot about detectives looking for a diamond. Niko had claimed the middle of the couch with a blanket while Gudako sat on one end with her head in Niko's lap. Arno occupied the other end, half-watching while he was snacking on some caramel popcorn, occasionally tossing some into Gudako's mouth.
On screen, a character in ridiculous armor yelled something about honor and then immediately tripped into a noodle stand. Niko laughed hard enough that a few crumbs bounced off her shirt.
Arno glanced over at Gudako during a quieter stretch of dialogue. "Hey. What did you end up giving Exusiai for her birthday? Niko said you two brought baskets."
Gudako kept her eyes on the movie for a second, then shrugged. "Couple of pastries, some flavored butters, and a few jars of jam. Nothing fancy. Niko helped me finish the last batch the morning of the party."
Arno raised his eyebrows. "You baked all that? And Niko helped?" He looked past Gudako at the younger girl. "Nice work. Bet Exusiai tore through those pretty fast."
Niko grinned without looking away from the screen. "She better have. Watching Gudako bake was actually really cool. She had everything measured out and timed. And the apples she used looked like they were made of metal. Shiny and heavy. I almost dropped one."
Arno nodded absently, eyes drifting back to the movie. "Metal apples. That's neat." He watched another explosion on screen, then the words fully registered. His hand froze on the notes.
"…What kind of apples?"
Gudako waved a hand. "The ones Da Vinci made for me and my brother. Bronze, silver, and gold. Packed with nutrients, super filling, and they tasted great. She used to hand them out before long missions so we wouldn't run low on energy while gathering materials."
Arno's face lost color. "Y-you mean the Golden Apples? The ones that were basically energy drinks?"
"Yep. Still have over a hundred left in different types. Da Vinci even showed us how to grow more if she wasn't around."
"You mean the ones that were basically energy drinks?" Arno's voice jumped. "The ones that are FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH MAGICAL ENERGY?!"
Gudako blinked, still not quite catching up. "Well, yeah, but how do you know that? What's wron—"
She was already standing when the thought finally crossed her head. Those apples were designed for people with Magic Circuits. They dumped a massive load of Od straight into the system to top off a magus for long term missions and were made by some of THE best Casters in Chaldea. And while some Terrans used Arts, they did not have Magic Circuits. Terrans did not process Od the same way, so no one knows exactly how they will affect the consumer here.
She had run off into the room to change out of her sleepwear. "Ooohh. Oh no."
Arno was already on his feet, shoving the notes aside. He grabbed the remote and passed it to Niko without looking. "Keep watching. We'll be back."
Niko took the remote, confused. "Hey, what's wrong? Did I miss something?"
"Don't worry about it." both adults said at once.
Gudako was already pulling on a jacket and checking her pockets for the cart keys while Arno snatched his phone off the counter, hands not entirely steady. The former had basically passed someone a concentrated version of Military-Grade Magical Red Bull in the form of pastries and sweets.
Before either of them reached the door, Arno's phone rang.
He shakily answered the phone when he saw the Caller's ID. The moment the call connected, the sound of something heavy crashing came through the speaker, followed by distant shouting and what might have been an explosion..
Kal'tsit's voice came through, clipped and not in the mood for delays.
"Arno. Get Gudako and head to the Infirmary. Now."
Another crash echoed in the background. Someone yelled about "golden apple donuts" and "why is her halo glowing so bright?!" Kal'tsit did not raise her voice.
"I will expect both of you within the next ten minutes. Do not make me send someone to collect you. If you try to run, you will be found."
The line stayed open just long enough for another loud thud and for a very familiar, redheaded angel's voice to shout so loud, that even Niko heard it from the sofa.
"I NEEEED MOOOOORREE!!!"
*CRASH!* *Beeeeeep*
Arno lowered the phone and stared at Gudako. She stared back, already halfway to the door.
Niko, still on the couch, paused the movie. "Should I come too, or…?"
"Yes, please." Arno said. "It seems we did an oopsie regarding Exia. We'll explain later."
Gudako pulled the cart's outer hatch open. "I'm so sorry guys. I used to eat those things all the time with my brother, that I completely forgot that not everyone has access to those., I'm going to apologize until she gets bored of hearing it."
When Niko came out with her staff and bag, they locked the Cart and sped off to quell the angel's rampage. When all was said and done, Gudako was forced to make up a story on where she got those apples to hide her circumstance, and even had to surrender some seeds and apples for the R&D team to examine them. Thankfully, whatever power was watching them caused those seeds to immediately wither and die before fully germinating, preventing more of those apples from ever being made locally.
Apparently, Exusiai brought out the pastries in the usual potluck the Laterano operators have, and was the first time she actually tried them. She was thankfully the only operator to have some before she went berserk, causing the others to be cautious at what she brought before they carefully sealed the items and restrained her.
Exusiai was initially upset that she won't be getting any more of those, but she was at least allowed to keep most of her stash as long as she was under direct supervision when she ate them. And some of the other operators who had some after the whole thing came forward to ask Gudako for her recipes, to which she shared with a smile.
AN: Hey, guys. Been a while, huh?
Before anything else, I am not attempting to force a romance between Arno and Gudako through these products. Instead, I am trying to make use of the concepts of aphrodisiacs/love potions in a different way as opposed to the usual catalyst for lemons, or the other way in using them when used in fiction.
This is because, to me, Aphrodisiacs/Love Potions are probably THE most invasive form of magical drugging in fiction due to how close it is to brainwashing and physical manipulation. It curbs your inhibitions and amplifies feelings of attraction between two people through both mental conditioning, AND physical urges.
My intention is to show precisely how dangerous these substances are, and how reckless Arno and Gudako proved to be in handling them. This is their first encounter with something entirely unknown; approaching it with such carelessness highlights both their inexperience and the extraordinary potency of the potions relative to the more mundane bentos and candy that appear elsewhere in the story. And if anyone asks, Outer Gods (like the Entity) are above Beasts in terms of power, especially one as young as Gudako/The Beast, hence even they are not able to simply shrug off the effects.
The reason why Niko is immune? Niko has summa that extra Divinity sauce; and considering her lore and what her previous world was, plus the revere and faith people had in the symbol of The Messiah, she actually has the qualifications to be considered an Outer God. So would you look at that, Lovecraft? The First Benevolent Outer God.
I am not seeking to moralize. I simply chose this approach because it most effectively conveys the sheer power of these items.
References used:
*Sulfur is a real game that is on Steam, and has JUST released out on consoles. Go get it guys, it's really really fun.
**With some tweaks, this is actually true about Ian McCollum. He used to drink in livestreams before he started taking medication.
***Alice in Wonderland potion, if you didn't get it.
****I was doing some reading, and Blackbeard apparently drank a "cocktail" made from rum and bits of gunpowder before battle.
*****Hermione's description of Amorentia, witht he last ingredient being either toothpaste (the movies), or Ron's hair (the books, which is stated by Rowling [Which is gross to me, by the way. Ron is a slob, and he slept with Scabbers for many years.])
******Just some casual Kal'tsit hotdog lore reference lmao
Anyway, thanks for reading. Please leave a like and/or a comment when you can because I like engaging with readers. And if you guys wanna do Omakes, go ahead; but please keep it SFW.
The shakshuka was already loud in the pan when Gudako wandered in.
Tomatoes had broken down into a thick, spiced sauce; cumin and paprika hung in the air with the faint sharpness of garlic. Arno stood at the stove in a plain shirt, with his sleeves pulled up as he was trying and failing to seemingly poach eggs. As of now, 3 of 5 eggs suffer his meager skills as she saw him dropping them in a little too hard. The white spread unevenly while the yolk wobbled and threatened to smear before it could set.
Gudako leaned on the counter, still in a loose sleep shirt, hair half-tied and refusing to behave as she tried to comb it in. She watched the pan with a critical eye; already detailing the way on how she could fix his dish with her experience.
"I'll teach you how to poach eggs easily, Arno." she said as she continued to watch him making the food. "You're manhandling them like they're potatoes. You have to put them in gently for the sauce to cook them while they retain their shape. They're not trying to escape."
"They're eggs." Arno said he allowed her to take over. As the Beast girl was talking, he put some bread in the toaster to eat with the stew.
"And you're treating them too roughly, my Master. You're basically throwing them in." She reached past him, turned the heat down a fraction, and demonstrated with a gentle crack against the table as she skillfully opened it with one hand, and let it slide into the dish. "See?"
Niko appeared in the doorway as Arno and Gudako were setting up plates. She decided to sleep in today as it was the weekend. The cat girl was woken up by the sound and smell of food being cooked and went to the bathroom to prepare herself.
They ate while the morning filled the room and Arno turned on the T.V. to see the morning news. Arno had made enough for seconds and even thirds as he realized that Gudako can eat more than both him and his assistant combined, much to the redhead's embarrassment.
(It also doesn't help that Niko has caught her more than thrice eating almost all the ice cream and bread from the fridge in the middle of the night. And then Gudako would feign ignorance when all the food had disappeared the next morning, even when Niko was giving her the stink-eye as even the candy she's been saving wasn't spared.)
When the plates were stacked and the pan was soaking, Arno nodded toward the storage side of the living space.
A cluster of unfamiliar boxes waited there. They had not been there when they went to bed. They were unmarked, but had the large FRAGILE warning on the sides. And with some experimental shakes and rattles, Arno was able to determine that the contents were in glass containers.
"Alllrighty," Arno said as he dusted his hands off. "Since it's Saturday, there's no business today. So for now, let's just see what our mysterious benefactor sent us. Just checking the inventory so we know what we're dealing with for today. Maybe some "
Gudako was on her feet before he finished the sentence. "Can I help? This is the first time that I've seen how you guys get new stuff to sell."
"Oh, sure." Arno nodded as all three of them began pulling the crates into the living room. "Just be careful though, since we don't wanna cause a mess."
They worked side by side at the table as they began opening the crates. Glass answered with soft clinks as bottles and decanters were lifted into the light. They came in different shapes and sizes with some having specially shaped stoppers at the top. What stood out, however, was that some of them were actually glowing as they were brought into the morning sunlight into view.
A single sheet of paper slid free from the flap of the second crate.
It skated off the table edge between a chair leg and Niko's abandoned juice glass. Neither Arno nor Gudako looked down as they were too busy setting out the next row of glass.
Niko did.
She bent, pinched the paper up, and glanced at the dense block of text that detailed the exact contents and effects of the new items. Before she could start reading in earnest, Arno's voice cut across from the table.
"Hey Niko, do you mind using the coffee machine, when you have a second?."
"Okie-dokie." She folded the paper once and tucked it into her pocket for later, already moving toward the counter. Niko grabbed a nearby chair to reach the high shelf where the coffee beans were, and proceeded to grind them up and pour in the ingredients Arno taught her.
Meanwhile at the table, Gudako was gingerly opening the boxes with Arno. She opened the box with her lengthened claw and set aside the packing peanuts and beheld the contents. It took a little bit of examination when she realized exactly what was inside.
Then she squealed.
Niko nearly fumbled the coffee scoop and Arno almost ran to her side, fearing they were sent a bomb or something.
Gudako lifted one of the bottles and turned it in her hands. The liquid inside caught the light of the sun as her eyes widened.
"Aaarrnoo~~~!" she screamed in elation, holding up a bottle of almost glowing amber in the light. Her tail was wagging excitedly as she was almost vibrating in excitement. "We've got booooooze!"
She set the wine down and reached for another bottle, then another. Some of the labels were written in scripts she only half recognized. A few of the glowing ones pulsed gently when she touched them, as if beckoning to be tried and tested.
"These look soooo exciting!" She turned to Arno, already grinning. "We should try some of these! Oooooh, look at how orange that one looks! It's so vibrant and it even glows too. Mmmmm~, it's like it was meant for me! "
Gudako held the glowing amber bottle tightly, the liquid sloshing around in the bottle. Her tail now vigorously, and she was already reaching for a second bottle with her free hand; sea-foam green on that had a picture of a sleeping person on the label.
Arno stared at the open crates for a long moment. The sensible part of him that has been cultivated through his experience on Terra was telling him to be careful, and to look for the paper that should have been with the crates to know what was in these bottles.
That part of him lasted for less than half a minute before it whimpered and died because the other part of him, the one that had always liked a good drink after a long day in the range, was extremely loud and eager at this instant.
He had spent years around guns and the discipline they required. That discipline had kept him from doing stupid things considering the large arsenal his family had. It did not, however, stop him from enjoying a proper glass when the time was right. And right now the table was covered in bottles that looked far more interesting than anything he has seen so far in recent memory.
(Back in the PL warehouse, Exusiai looked to the storage door of the kiosk she was manning. She could've sworn someone just slighted her at that moment, but shrugged it off before going back to telling Mostima and the esteemed Miss Suffering about the new friends she made. Even as the latter chased the two Sankta across the area for that embarrassing nickname, she still notably bought many of the Fae Feast Series pastries and juice to bring along.)
He reached out and took the amber bottle from Gudako's hands while the latter looked at him with wide eyes gleaming with a desire to sample everything..
"All right," he said, the corner of his mouth lifting into a smile. He barely caught himself when Gudako surged forward to hug and squeal at the thought of the drinks. "We check them carefully, though. And we do this one at a time. And we stop the second anything feels wrong."
Gudako's grin widened. "Yeah, yeah. I knew you had it in you, Master."
Niko stood near the coffee machine, watching the two of them with a mild frown. She had finished grinding the beans and was waiting for the water to heat. The whole display of bottles and glowing liquid left her unimpressed.
"I don't get it," she said as she scratched her head. "Alcohol tastes super gross, so why is everyone so happy about it?"
Gudako glanced over, still holding another bottle. "It's an adult thing, Niko. When you get to our age with the right drinks, you'll understand."
Niko considered that, then shrugged. "Probably not. Mama gave me some red wine to try when she was given some on her birthday. Eeeewww."
She made a yucky face before she looked at Arno. "Can I go to the room? I don't want to accidentally knock anything over while you two are messing with the bottles."
Arno nodded. "Go ahead. Take my laptop if you want. Play whatever you like on my steam account; just don't break it or wipe my save files. And please don't buy anything without telling me."
"That was one time, okay?! I didn't think the purchase would go through!" Niko still remembered when she was being scolded for buying a 10 dollar game which wasn't even on sale which kinda hurt more.
At least it was something she's been pouring many hours into, so it wasn't a total waste.
Shaking her head, she grabbed the laptop from the side table, and headed down the short hall to their shared room. She closed the door behind her, sat on the bed, put on her earphones, and booted up Sulfur*. The folded paper she had picked up earlier stayed forgotten in her sleeve.
Back at the table, Arno and Gudako cleared space. They set out two small glasses, a pitcher of water, and a notepad. Arno insisted on writing down which bottle they opened and what it looked like before either of them tasted anything.
Arno set the amber bottle down and reached for the nearest crate flap, searching for the instruction sheet that should have come with the shipment. He hadn't seen it since they opened the boxes, and he wanted to be sure. The bottles looked expensive and strange, and he preferred knowing what they were dealing with before any of it touched his lips.
Gudako watched him dig through the packing material for a few seconds with a pout as her Master didn't seem to share the same degree of excitement as she did.
Her tail flicked once, then looped around his waist and pulled. Arno stumbled a half-step sideways and landed on the couch beside her. Before he could protest, she turned, planted both hands on his face, and held him there so he had to look at her.
"Arno, this is just some booze." she said, eyes locked on him. "Magical, fun, and hopefully tasty booze. This is like a once in a lifetime opportunity to try some magic wine, Master! We'll be fiiiiine~. I'm the one who guards this cart, remember? If something goes wrong, I handle it. That's the whole point of me being here."
She kept her hands where they were. Arno could feel the slight pressure of her palms and the way her thumbs rested near his jaw, and he couldn't help but flush a little in how intensely captivating Gudako was looking at him. The two of them stayed like that while the morning light moved across the table and the bottles sat waiting. Gudako's tail remained loosely wrapped around him, not tight, just enough to keep him from standing up again.
"Just trust me, m'kay? My new constitution also kinda makes me more resistant to these kinda things anyway. Did you know that I drank 5 bottles of Zelretch's private reserve when he wasn't looking~? Coz I did, and it was soooo tasty! And I wasn't even buzzed after all of that, which was much better than when I was in Chaldea. Back then, some of Barty's rum could knock me out from a few swigs."
After a stretch of seconds that felt longer than it was, Arno let out a breath and gave a small nod. "Alright, alright, you win. We'll try some of them for now, but only one glass for each, okay? It's still almost afternoon, and I wanna go do stuff today. And we still need to make some food for Niko."
Gudako's face lit up. She let go of his face, threw both arms around him in a quick hug, and squealed against his shoulder. Then she spun back toward the bottles and started sorting through them with both hands, reading labels out loud and setting the more interesting ones closer to the middle of the table.
As Arno went to help her, he decided to fill the silence with conversation. So, he decided to talk about his dad.
"My dad and I used to film reviews about alcohol for the channel. Historic firearms are what we did most of the time, but after we packed up the range for the day we'd open something decent and talk about it on camera. People really seemed to like 'em too, but we had to stop since dad started taking medications for his health**."
Gudako paused with a dark green bottle in her hand and looked over. "You drank on camera with your dad? That sounds nice."
"It was. The better stuff also had us talking about the most random stuff too." Arno picked up a clear bottle with a simple cork and examined the blue liquid inside. "What about you? You sound like you've had practice."
"Weeeeell, I had some practice. Some notable drinkers back in Chaldea were Drake, Jing Ke, and the Nobus. Since I liked alcohol even before that, I thought it would be fun to join them on Ladies' Nights." Gudako hummed as she saw a particularly weird bottle that seemed vaguely familiar in shape. "And the first night did I realize the sheer fucking hubris I had by comparing myself to Servants."
It was a simple bottle with a blue liquid, with a note that said "Drink Me" attached to the cork. She shook her head and set it aside gently before regarding him***.
"Those women could drink an entire banquet under the table and still recite poetry. Drake would drag me into drinking contests every time we had a free night at Chaldea, and it even got to a point where my little brother and Nurse Nightingale had to step in to save my liver. Nobu would also show up with whatever she claimed was 'proper warlord sake' and refuse to leave until the bottles were empty, or when the Okitas began puking their guts out. Half the time the other Servants joined in too, so I learned fast or I got left behind."
"Damn, I don't know if I should congratulate you for living up to the drinking standards of Servants, or pity you for the extreme hangovers you and your brother must've gotten." Arno said as he went to grab some glasses and ice.
"Pshh, my brother? Nah, he hates booze, so he never got in with those kinda parties. He normally just spent time binging anime with the weebs like Edward and Okkie in their spare time. Fun fact, by the way; apparently aside from doujin and other degenerate stuff, Edward was also quite the connoisseur when it came to wine in particular. He took me out on a date during Valentine's Day on his ship after buying the latest figurines. He taught me about the best ways to try rum and wines, though I could never handle his usual drink."
"The one with gunpowder?"
"The one with gunpowder****. Blech!" Gudako cutely blew a raspberry as she remembered the taste of that abomination.
She still grinned at the memory and kept sorting. Her hands moved from bottle to bottle until they stopped on a small rounded one filled with deep red liquid. The label showed two hands clasped together, vines wrapped around the wrists and fingers. The name printed underneath read Companion's Chambord.
"Ooooh. Look at this one, Arno." Gudako lifted it so he could see the label, then broke the seal with a quick twist and reached for the two small glasses they had set out earlier.
Arno raised an eyebrow. "Chambord, huh? Didn't think we'd get some of the higher end stuff to sell in our little shack."
Gudako started pouring, careful not to spill. "What's a Chambord?"
"It's a black raspberry liqueur," Arno said. "They steep the berries in cognac and add honey, vanilla, and a few other things. It's sweet, but not syrupy if it's made right. People mix it or drink it on its own."
Gudako stopped pouring for a second and stared at him. "How do you know all that?"
"Same reason I know the difference between a well-made spirit and the cheap stuff. Dad and I didn't stick to beer or cheap vodka. We tried the more expensive bottles when we could afford them. Guns paid for the channel while the channel paid for better drinks."
She finished filling both glasses and slid one toward him. Arno picked it up but didn't drink yet. He looked at the red liquid, then at her.
"You sure this is fine? We still haven't found the paper that came with these."
Gudako waved the concern off with one hand. "Relaaaaax. My intuition is clear and the Beast isn't growling about any of it. If something was off, I'd know. We're good."
Both of them gave a whiff to take in the aroma of the liquor, and Arno seemed more incline to dive in. Gudako, however, seemed to be taking it similarly….with some changes..
'Mmm~. It smells so nice~. It smells like…raspberry preserves, freshly cut grass, new cookbooks, and…hmmm~?*****' Gudako internally murmured, her mind flashing back to when Arno hugged her a little while ago.
Arno then studied her face for another moment, then reached out and patted her head. "Thanks for keeping an eye on things."
Gudako giggled and leaned into it for a second before straightening up. She raised her glass.
"Cheers."
Arno tapped his glass against hers, and they both drank.
(Unbeknownst to them, Zelretch actually knew she was gonna steal those bottles beforehand, so he quietly swapped them out with particularly tasty bottles of juice from the Toriko universe. None of which had alcohol, so while she's not wrong that she now has better constitution due to her new body, she is unaware of how hard these brews will hit.)
Two hours later Niko's stomach growled loud enough to break her focus.
She had just lost every item in her inventory again on Sulfur because of those dumb crows. The screen showed the familiar death message and the walk of shame to her meager supplies and weapons almost had her scream out in frustration. She paused the game, pulled the earphones off, and sat still for a moment while the hunger settled in. Breakfast felt far away after all of that, and she hasn't heard from Gudako or Arno from a while.
With the lack of sounds from the kitchen being noticed by her, she knew what she was to do next.
Niko swung her legs off the bed and stood up. She left the laptop open on the blanket and walked out into the hallway. She rubbed her eyes and started toward the main room, already planning to ask Arno if there were any leftovers in the fridge or if Gudako had some snacks she could have.
Halfway down the short hall she remembered the paper.
She patted her sleeve and pulled out the folded sheet she had picked up earlier and as the dense block of text stared back at her, she had meant to hand it over as soon as they began opening the crates. Instead she had walked straight to her room and forgotten the whole thing.
Niko picked up her pace.
"Arno? Gudako?" she called as she reached the living room doorway. "Hey, guys? I'm sorry, I forgot to give you the notice that came with the packages. It's right here if you guys want it!"
No answer.
She stepped fully into the living room and looked around. The still open crates and rows of bottles were what greeted her. Most of them sat untouched while one rounded bottle of deep pink liquid stood near the edge with its stopper off. Even from where she was standing, she could smell the almost cloyingly (to her) sweet smell coming from the glasses next to it.
Niko frowned. "Hello…? Guys?" She walked closer and checked the couch, the kitchen counter, and knocked at the bathroom.
Empty.
The television was still playing, now playing some random commercial about a Perro holding a hotdog******. She turned in a full circle once, then again, as if the two adults might appear from behind a crate if she looked hard enough.
Curious..
She picked up the half-full glass and took a small sip before she could think better of it. The taste hit her tongue and she almost did a spittake with how awful it tasted to her. Not only that, something inside her also had a full-blown rejection to whatever that icky wine was. She set the glass down fast and wiped her mouth with her sleeve as she continued looking for her guardians.
'Still gross,' she thought. 'Wine is still gross, regardless of what anyone says. I don't care how fancy the bottle looks or whatever it says on the label. Ew!'
She shook her head and kept searching. The bathroom door stood open and empty, the front entrance was locked from the inside, and their phones and bags were still on the nearby rack so that meant they hadn't left yet. That left the cargo bay at the back of the cart.
Niko started in that direction. Her bare foot came down on something that was not floor.
She stopped and looked down to see a torn shirt lay crumpled near the table leg. She bent, picked it up, and held it out. The fabric was the same loose shirt Gudako had worn that morning while Arno with breakfast. It was completely ruined from the middle, like someone tore it from there and tried to open it like Superman.
Niko's ears flattened as she was worried now.
She dropped the shirt, spun around, and ran back to her room. She grabbed the scepter from its place beside the bed and the small spellbook she kept under the pillow. The weight of both settled her nerves a fraction. She checked the charge on the scepter the way Arno had shown her, then stepped back into the hallway.
The living room was still empty. The pink bottle still sat open. The torn shirt still lay where she had dropped it.
Niko moved slower now. She kept the scepter in both hands and angled her body so she could see as much of the room as possible. Every few steps she paused and listened. Nothing. She reached the short corridor that led to the cargo bay and stopped again.
That was until she heard it.
"G-Guda–!" Arno groaned in what Niko's sure was pain before his voice was muffled by something.
Niko's heart jumped as she ran forward. She did not wait and she shoved the door open hard and raised the scepter in the same motion with a spell on the tip of her tongue.
The cargo bay lights were on. The space beyond the doorway filled her vision all at once as Niko's eyes went wide when she realized what she was looking at.
"CLEAR SKIES!"
Light flared from the end of the scepter as the spell activated.
A little while later the three of them sat around the dining table with plates of food Gudako had thrown together. She had stayed at the stove the entire time, chopping, stirring, and plating without looking at either of them more than she had to. The smell of garlic and soy filled the cart. Arno kept his eyes on his plate while Gudako kept hers on the pan even after everything was served. Niko sat between them, chopsticks in hand, watching the two adults avoid each other's faces like the table itself might explode if they made eye contact.
The only sounds for the first few minutes were utensils against dishes and the low hum of the cart's air conditioning. Niko took a bite, chewed, and set her chopsticks down.
"I'm sorry I forgot to give you the paper," she said. "It was in my pocket the whole time. I should've handed it over before I went to my room."
Arno's head came up fast. "Hey, no, don't do that. That's not on you, Niko."
Gudako turned from the counter with the same hurried energy. "Yeah, don't even start. We should've looked for it ourselves. We got excited and skipped the part where we read the instructions, so that's on us. Okay?"
Niko nodded, even though she still looked pretty upset. She continued to poke at her food even as she answered, "Okay. Thanks guys."
They ate in that same stiff silence for another stretch when Gudako finally sat down with her own plate but kept her chair angled slightly away from Arno while he did the same. The latter watched them both and decided the silence had gone on long enough.
"S-so," he stuttered, "that spell you used earlier. You really helped us out of that pickle, huh?"
Gudako set her own utensils down and gave her full attention to the child, desperate to veer the discussion to what happened earlier. "Y-yeah! What was that? It was pretty effective in our situation earlier, so can you tell us where you learned it?"
Niko shrugged. "I tried the opened wine when I went looking for you guys, and it felt like something was wrong besides being gross. Like something was trying to tell me to do something I didn't want to do. Then I found Gudako's shirt on the floor all torn up and you guys were missing. I figured something bad happened, so I got my scepter in case something got into the cart or if you guys got sick."
Gudako let out a short breath that was almost a laugh. "That's amazing, Niko. You were able to handle something like that on your own? Not many kids your age have the bravery to do that."
Niko's ears flicked once at the compliment as she brightened up slightly. "Thanks, the spellbook is teaching me a lot, and I took Arno's suggestion to practice over at the PL Warehouse so I don't break anything. Mr. Bison said that this particular spell was really helpful since some of the guys at the warehouse got sick from abusing the coffee to work longer shifts."
(At that nugget of information, Arno made sure to call Emperor and tell him about what his boys were doing. It was later known that those boys were later suspended without pay for basically stealing hours from others, and even forbidden to one coffee each per week. Many complained, and some even sneakily tried to keep using the coffee and were subsequently fired thanks to Texas snooping around.)
Gudako leaned forward a little, elbows on the table. "About that. When we try the other bottles, can you stay with us? Just in case something else goes sideways again since you now have a Cleansing ability…We'll be really careful this time now that you're there to help us, promise!"
Niko stared at her. "You're seriously going to try more of them? After what happened an hour ago?"
Arno sat up straighter. "We'll be careful now. Really small pours, one at a time, and we stop the second anything feels off. But yeah, we still need to know what half of those bottles do if we're going to sell any of them. And having you nearby with that spell ready would help a lot."
Niko sighed through her nose, but the corner of her mouth twitched. "Fine. I'll stick around. But the second either of you starts acting weird again, I'm knocking you guys out and I'm locking the wine somewhere away, deal?."
"Deal," Arno said.
Gudako nodded fast. "Deal."
Niko took another bite of her food then spoke without looking up. "Well, I don't really see the big deal, honestly. I mean, both of you looked reaaaaallly comfortable with each other earlier~."
She was looking down to hide the smirk on her face.
Arno's ears went red while Gudako's face matched the color of the tomato sauce from breakfast. She pointed a chopstick at Niko.
"Shut up. That is not funny."
"But why? You liiiiike him~."
The Beast girl growled and furiously pinched Niko's cheeks even as the girl was whining that it hurt. Arno rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the table. "Why didn't the Beast say anything? You said it usually warns you."
Gudako's voice came out smaller. "I asked it the same thing once my head cleared and it told me the drink wasn't harmful. And then it said…" She trailed off as her face started to redden again, actual steam coming off from the top of her head. "I-it said Arno was already part of the hoard anyway, so it was just a matter of time."
—----
FLASHBACK
Gudako was standing in a dark, damp place. She was surrounded by ankle deep water with almost no end in sight, and in front of her was a massive cage—
"Wait, what is this? Naruto?" Gudako snorted, as she realized that she was standing in a certain Jinchuuriki's mindscape.
She thought about and imagined a place in one of her memories. And now sat in a log cabin situated in a forest that oversaw a massive lake. It was a quaint area that held memories of a Summer Singularity back in Chaldea, and after clearing the usual hijinks (a horror movie trope, in this one) that came with these singularities it became quite loved by many of the outdoorsy Servants such as William Tell and Illya who donned a cute outfit for the occasion. The place had some fun memories…if one ignored Paisen's horrible luck throughout the whole thing.
And after stoking the not-so-real fireplace for a bit and opening windows to center herself, she walked out to see The Beast of which she was looking to converse with.
It seemed to have currently chosen Gudako's own appearance as its manifested form; the difference being that The Beast was more than 30x her host's original size and had all its animal features showing, unlike Gudako who only has her tail out. It was on its back as if it was sunbathing as it was wearing one of her swimsuit Mystic Codes.
'Reminds me of Kingprotea…' the host thought as she cleared her throat to grab Its attention. The Beast's previously closed eyes opened and regarded her for a moment before rolling over to lay on Its tummy with arms crossed.
"Hmm? What is it, my dear?" The Beast said, looking at the girl like it was a particularly amusing ant on a sugar cube.
Gudako planted her feet in the grass and crossed her arms as she was upset.
"Why didn't you say anything about the wine?" she asked. "You usually speak up the second something feels off, so what the fuck was that?! Do you not get how humiliating that was to lose control in that way? If it wasn't for Niko finding Arno and I that way, who knows what could've happened!'
The Beast stretched one long arm over its head, then propped its chin on its hand. The swimsuit fabric shifted with the movement. Its expression stayed relaxed, almost bored.
"You need to work on your wording, dear. You told me to warn you if anything was harmful or lethal. That red stuff had neither, so I stayed quiet. Simple as that."
Gudako's jaw tightened. "That's splitting hairs and you know it, you fucking bitch! You could have given me a heads-up the moment the liquid touched our tongues. And now, Arno…"
Her eyes glazed over as she recalled what happened. The warmth in her chest, the sweet whispers of yearning…the ecstasy when he—.
"Could have, yes. But I did not, for you set the rules that I followed." The Beast's mouth curved into a lazy smile as its voice snapped him out of it. "Besides, watching the two of you flounder about and struggle together was quite the treat. You rarely look that flustered."
"Entertaining." Gudako repeated the word flatly. "We're supposed to be partners in this body. You let us walk straight into that mess because you thought it was funny."
"Partners, yes. Mind-readers, no." The Beast rolled onto its side, still watching her with the same amused look. "You asked a narrow question, so I gave a narrow solution to said question. If you want me to flag anything that alters mood, judgment, or motor control, say those words. Harmful and lethal are specific; that drink was neither. You really should know when and how to ask for such things, dear girl."
Gudako exhaled through her nose and kept her arms crossed as she glared at the being before her. The grass under her shoes felt real enough that she could dig her heels in as she tried to articulate how angry she was at It but decided it ultimately wasn't worth the effort.
"Fine, then explain this part. We share the same body, so why did the wine still affect me at all? Shouldn't whatever hits me either hit you the same way or get blocked by whatever defenses you keep running?"
The Beast let out a short, bright laugh that carried across the lake and bounced back from the tree line.
"We share the body, yet our minds are still separate, you fool. That is the key point you keep forgetting. Brainwashing, hypnosis, any of that mind-control nonsense bounces right off you because I make sure of it by shrouding your psyche with mine. I have been doing that since the day I was born from that dark little place you call your mind. But that wine came from something above even me. I felt the edge of it the second it hit your system and still could not stop it from asserting itself. Rare, but it happens. So whatever made those bottles sits higher on the ladder than a Beast of Humanity, especially as fledgeling as we are."
Gudako stared up at the oversized face that looked exactly like hers, only thirty times larger and wearing a swimsuit that left almost nothing to the imagination. "You felt it and still said nothing."
"I did. And I decided it was funny. Also, you left me in that damp cage for weeks. This lake and cabin are an improvement, but you only fixed the scenery because you needed to talk. Call it a light payback for the delay."
"Payback!? Why didn't you say anything then!?"
"Exactly. You ignored me until you needed answers. I let you deal with the consequences of your own orders. Fair trade in my book."
Gudako rubbed her temple with two fingers. The Beast looked completely unbothered, still stretched out like a cat that had the audacity to be amused at her suffering.
"I set that rule because I did not want you screaming in my head every time we walked past a strong drink or a spicy dish, or even a particularly handsome man." Gudako said and the beast looked offended. "Don't give me that look. When I was out with Niko, I heard you whispering about how some of the men on the beach looked 'particularly tasty.'
The girl visibly retched as she recalled the things It was saying to her that time.
"I wanted filters that would tell me if things were dangerous. Things that could actually kill us or make permanent changes. Mood changes and bad decisions were supposed to stay my problem."
"And they DID stay your problem. You're still here unchanged, are you not? The drink simply lowered your inhibitions and made both of you honest about what you already wanted. I watched the whole thing and decided the show was worth the silence. It helped that the red stuff was really tasty too~."
"That's not a good defense and you know it!"
"Please! As if I need to defend myself from someone such as you. It is an explanation that you demanded, yet you are upset because the result embarrassed you in front of the child and the man you keep calling Master. That is a you problem, not a me problem."
Gudako took a step closer to the giant form. From this distance she had to tilt her head back just to keep eye contact. "Next time I set a rule, you better not be purposefully obtuse with what I mean. Anything that makes us lose track of where we are or what we are doing; you will speak up for all of them. Understood?"
"Please do. Write it down if you have to. Clear instructions make my job easier and save us both the headache afterward. I would rather not listen to you complain for an hour every time something unexpected happens."
"You are still treating this like a joke."
"I am treating this like what it is. We are partners now, no? Is it wrong for me to seek out my own form of entertainment, hmm?"
The Beast waved its hand and summoned the same bottle Gudako was fretting over from their shared memories, and it idly poured itself a glass before savoring the taste. The grin it gave her was filled with sharp teeth, making Gudako look at a caricature of her own face with annoyance since she knew The Beast liked pressing her buttons.
Gudako sighed as she now had a headache while dealing with the Troublesome Creature. The dang Thing chortled and giggled as if it was proud that it had reduced its host to this level. She eventually planted herself on a stump nearby.
"Is there anything else about those bottles I should know?" she asked.
"They come from a place very much above the likes of things you have ever seen. Very secretive and very powerful stuff, the likes of which most of the meatbags outside could ever hope to fathom. The one who sent them has a sense of humor that matches mine, I believe. That is all I can tell you. The rest you will have to learn the hard way, the same way you learned everything else."
"Helpful as always."
"I am consistent. That is better than helpful most days."
"Tch. Why didn't you at least stop Arno?" she asked. "It's our job to aid him now. You could have shut the effect down on his side even if you let it hit me. You and I both know you can just take over and would have stopped him when he got…handsy…"
Gudako pinked a little as The Beast gave a slow shrug that shifted the entire length of its body across the grass.
"If I did that, I would have most likely killed him for his insolence. Yet I didn't because like all great beings, I wish to attain a hoard of my own. Arno is part of our hoard now, and we have a say in anything that involves him, no? I decided the experience was useful and funny. No reason to interrupt a good thing when it happens."
'What are you, a dragon?' Gudako mused. 'Stop trying so hard to emulate Fafnir, dumbass.'
The thing in front of her made no signs that it heard Gudako's inner monologue. It hummed, low and pleased, and its eyes half-closed.
"He tasted excellent, by the way. I would not mind having another session with that naughty boy when the chance appears~. If you're not going to capitalize on that specimen…well, tell him to lock his doors at night."
Gudako's face went hot. She stuttered, hands coming up as if she could push the words back.
"I-it's not like that. I am NOT that easy, especially since it's barely been a month since we first met!"
The Beast sighed, now clearly annoyed at the stubbornness of its host.
"Mating rituals of mortals are so troublesome. All the circling and denial, the back and forth for even the most meager of affection. You are both greedy by nature, so you might as well stake the claim early and stop wasting time. Oh, both of you can swear it all you want, silly girl. Don't think I haven't noticed both of you…what's the term? Ah, 'checking each other out', I believe. I merely helped things along, and the result certainly was effective if I do say so myself."
"Stuff it," Gudako snapped. "Y-you're just repeating what you said about those guys on the beach again! I'm not like that, okay?! This is not the same."
The Beast's expression flattened. It pushed itself up on its elbows, clearly offended.
"When I said those men on the beach looked tasty, I meant it quite literally. They carried themselves like trained warriors; far stronger than the average meatbags that interact with the Cart. Mercenaries, perhaps?"
The Beast pondered as Gudako's beast contorted from shock to horror.
"If you had partaken of their flesh and minds, we would be so much stronger right now. Such a waste of experiences and skills, all ripe for the taking if it wasn't for your pesky morality!"
It licked its lips with slow satisfaction.
Gudako froze. Relief hit first as at least the Beast was not pushing her toward sleeping with random men. Yet this was overshadowed with horror as it was telling her to actually consider fucking cannibalism! The idea sat in her stomach like a stone.
"It is not exactly cannibalism when we are not the same species as them, is it? Besides, we are far above those meatbags in all shapes and forms, so do not liken us to them."
She opened her mouth to shout.
The Beast spoke first, voice sharp and final.
"I believe it is time for us to part ways, as you have begun to bore me. I will be here when you need me again. Try not to leave the scenery so drab and dreadful as I do very much like the lake. Now, BE GONE!!"
The mindscape dropped away before Gudako could answer. The oversized form, the water, the projected sun—all of it vanished at once. She opened her eyes to see the bright lights of the now cargo bay of the cart.
Her back was against the wall. Without thinking, her fist drove sideways.
*SMASH!*
The panel caved in. Wood and composite split under the force, leaving a deep crater the size of a cauldron. Dust and splinters scattered across the floor while Niko jumped from where she was fussing over the unconscious Arno.
"What the—Gudako?! Are you okay!?"
Gudako stared at the hole for half a second. Then she cupped both hands over her face and screamed straight into her palms. In the back of her mind the Beast was still laughing, loud and delighted at every second of her frustration.
END FLASHBACK
—------
Niko made a strangled sound that turned into open giggles. She tried to cover her mouth and failed, and the pinching continued.
Arno reached over and bopped her lightly on the head with two fingers. "Adult stuff. Hush."
Niko leaned away, still laughing. "You two were all over each other like peanut butter and jelly, too. Besides, I'm twelve years old, not five!"
Gudako dropped her forehead onto the table with a groan. Arno looked like he wanted the floor to open up and take him while Niko kept laughing until she had to wipe her eyes, then reached for more rice like nothing had happened.
"I know you guys like each other a lot." Niko said, twisting the knife. "But can't you guys do it…I dunno…? Out on a date!? I know that all three of us live here, but that doesn't mean I wanna see you guys sucking each other's faces off, okay?!"
Niko was then seen on the floor as the other two residents were now furiously tickling her sides as vengeance; the girl now barely able to breath from how much she's rolling and laughing from her punishment.
With their late lunch said and done, Arno stood at the sink with his sleeves rolled up, scrubbing the plates and pans. Soap bubbles stacked up along the edge of the basin while the water ran. Behind him, Niko and Gudako cleared the table and pulled the open crates closer.
"Okay," Gudako said, spreading the instruction paper flat. "So here's how we're gonna do it, m'kay?"
Under her instructions, Niko used some nearby crates and organized them with different names. "Safe pile here, pending pile there and return pile waaay over by the wall. Let's see which ones are safe first based off the description so Arno can try them out when he finishes. And while he does that, I'll try out the pending ones based on their descriptions, so I need yo to be alert on this one, okay buddy?"
Niko nodded and started lifting bottles one by one. She held each one up so Gudako could match it to the dense text on the sheet.
"Alrighty, let's see…Giant's Mead gives a mild strength increase."
"Safe. Put it on the left." Niko set it down carefully in the box.
"Delightful Daiquiri." Gudako muttered, her eyes scanning the sickly yellow bottle. "It has a warning label on it. 'Keep out of reach from creatures with Mental Resistance lower than Rank B.' How do we check people's mental resistance though…?"
"NOPE! It says on the bottle that it induces extreme happiness, and may cause extreme depression after. To the wall you go, Mr. Bottle!" Niko hurriedly put it away.
A green bottle named Gentle Dream Gin went into the middle group. The effect says it puts the user into a death-like sleep, but they wake up extremely well-rested after. So it shall be put under review.
They kept going with Arno eventually joining the fray. The concerning thing they've noticed is that the smallest of the pile seemed to be the Safe one, and it still had to go under review to be sure. At least the Return pile seemed to also be the same way, and were pretty obvious in what made them red flags.
Arno shuddered at the cans called the Potbelly Pilsner, as it seemed to cater to people who like eating heavy food by making said food taste better, yet also increase ravenous and gluttonous behavior; hence the potbelly theme.
Sure, it would be good for business since he can just sell the bentos together with it; but Arno would rather have customers that pay less and stay healthy over morbidly obese customers who'd pay loads and eat themselves into an early grave.
Arno prepared some fried snacks and lots of water to try with the drinks. The three piles sat in neat rows across the floor.
"Looks organized," he said. "Ready to test?"
Gudako nodded. "You take the Safe ones while I'll handle Pending. The Beast is listening this time, so if anything feels off, it'll speak to me."
"You really should give her a name, as it feels kind of rude to keep calling her that."
"Hmph!" Gudako huffed, crossing her arms. The Beast chortled, amused that a mortal was going to Name it. "I'll figure something out for that troublesome creature later. So are you ready to try the stuff now or not?"
Sensing he was touching on a sore subject, the Mr. Seller backed off and they all went to work.
Arno picked up the first Safe bottle—the Giant's Mead at Gudako's suggestion—and poured some into his glass. Upon trying it, he felt an overwhelming power coursing through him, as if he can probably lift the whole Cart over his head like it was a toy. His muscles seemed to tighten and he felt hot, different from the usual warmth coming from trying out alcohol.
Without warning, he suddenly lifted the whole Safe pile crate with one hand, bottles rattling as he moved it back and forth much to Niko's awe. Gudako noticed he was getting carried away now and urged Niko to cleanse the alcohol from him now.
"The Giant's Mead doesn't seem to have any mental effects aside from the sudden power rush. Sorry, I felt like I could crush boulders with my fists and got excited. Thanks, Niko."
He marked it on the notepad and moved to the next. Another bottle of what seemed to be creme de cacao instantly made him feel really cozy, like he was enveloped by the warmth of a fireplace. Another tasted sharply of spicy tamarind candy, and actually made him sneeze a small spout of fire; this one was moved to the Return pile as it melted a nearby mug into a puddle.
Whatever sent these bottles here either had no idea what they were doing, or was so far above them that they could drink these things without a care in the world.
While he worked, Gudako started on the Pending group. She poured smaller amounts and waited longer between sips. The first one sharpened her hearing until she could pick out the individual ticks of the wall clock, as well as the heartbeats of Niko and Arno even as they were sitting across from her.
After instructing Niko to move it to the Safe pile, she picked up another one that was pitch black. Upon sampling it, it tasted of licorice, yet it was heavy on her tongue not unlike drinking syrup. But after a minute, she was suddenly in a void of pure nothingness. Just completely black and she couldn't feel, see, or hear anything. All she could feel was someone shaking her due to the movement.
As she was about to start flailing around, The Beast stirred as it spoke in her mind..
"Calm yourself; this concoction seems to lock out all the five senses a mortal body has. You are still in the Cart with your handlers, so sit still. If you still feel anxious, stretch out your senses to seek them out; just like how you did with those hooligans not too long ago."
As she calmed down, she could now feel the warmth of the sun from Niko as the young girl cleared away the effects of the cursed drink. Arno had long taken away the bottle from her grasp and even laid her out on the sofa to stop Gudako from hurting herself.
"Are you okay?" Niko asked, concerned. Her staff is still emitting the gentle glow of the Cleansing spell. "Y-You had this black gunk coming out of your eyes and ears, and when you tried to speak it also started coming out of your mouth."
"Y-Yeah," Gudako sputtered, still shaken from the ordeal. "Yeah I'm okay. The Beast helped out by telling me what that stuff does, and even taught me how to calm down. Thanks, guys"
Arno came back with a glass of water to help her steady herself. He also helped her sit up, but was surprised when she leaned on him for warmth.
'That must've been quite the experience.' Arno thought.
"Would you like to rest up a bit?" He asked, patting her head to calm her. "I think I've drunk quite a bit so I'll be taking a break for now. I wanna be as sober as I can if I'm going to be thorough and accurate in our findings."
"No, I think I'm good now." Gudako replied as she accepted the notepad from Niko. It seems she dropped it while she had her episode. "I've barely just started, so I want to do more before calling it quits."
"Okay, if you say so. But if you go through something like that again, I'll have to ask you to stop, alright? It's still the afternoon, and it's the weekend; so we don't need to rush or anything."
"M'kay, I won't. Thanks again for the help, Master. Niko."
After examining the glass from earlier down once more, she wrote a note and placed it in the Return pile. The next bottle was orange and had an eye motif at the front, and when Gudako tried it, it tasted slightly of…carrots?
"Oh? How interesting. I suggest having Arno try this one out, as it would have no effect on you. Do not fret, it is completely harmless; it would simply be better for him to try it out to know the effects."
"Got it."
Arno stepped in to try, and was amazed because the drink seemed to improve his vision. Niko turned off all the lights and he could see everything like it was in broad daylight. Upon further inspection, it also utilized different types of vision since Arno could also see through walls and objects, as well as see heat signatures on the different colored spectrum. The dubbed Visual Vodka was placed in the Safe pile, as further experimentation seemed to show that it didn't hurt the drinker even when used for prolonged periods of time aside from the slight headache that Arno got as he wasn't used to seeing things in such a way..
They continued. Most of the Pending bottles were sorted away into the other piles, while some remained as the two adults were genuinely unsure on what to do with them. One example was a drink that allowed one to talk to a random type of animal, but at the cost of exhibiting certain behaviors of said animal.
(Which was how Gudako got her gacha privileges back from Arno. Don't ask what happened, but just know that Arno did something rather impressive, yet incredibly embarrassing.)
A couple triggered low warnings from the Beast and got moved immediately. The process stayed like that until Gudako's hand finally landed on the simple blue bottle with the handwritten tag that read "Drink Me."
She turned it once, curious.
"This one looks vaguely familiar, doesn't it? I could've sworn I've seen this one before…"
Niko looked at the bottle, and shook her head. "Nope, doesn't ring a bell for me. What about you, Arno? Have you seen it before?"
"Well, I don't think so?" Arno replied, examining the bottle as he looked at the paper. "The design is so vague and simple that it honestly kinda looks more like a bottle of perfume rather than a drink. If it didn't have that paper stuck to it, I probably would've just chucked it into a shelf next to the potted plants or something."
"Do you still want me to try it?"
Arno glanced over. "Smallest sip possible, if you can. It doesn't have a name so I can't really match it off description without knowing the effect beforehand. Sifting through the other bottles and cross-referencing is gonna take a while too, so might as well get it over with. You sure you wanna give it a go, though? I can take over again if you like."
Gudako wordlessly tipped the bottle and let a single bead of liquid fall onto her tongue.
'Hm? It tastes like whiske—."
The world expanded.
One second she was standing at normal height. The next she was the size of an action figure, before she started falling. If she hadn't expanded her wings mid-descent, she probably could've gotten hurt. Her clothes had shrunk with her, thankfully. She looked up at the two enormous faces staring down at her as she processed exactly what had happened.
Niko's eyes went wide, then she broke into a huge grin.
"No way. You're so tiny!"
She lifted Gudako closer to her face and turned her hand slowly, examining her from every angle like a new toy.
"Look at your little tail. And your hair's still messy. This is the best thing that's happened all day."
Gudako crossed her arms as best she could at that scale. "Niko, Put me down! Right now!"
"Oooh, your voice is so tiny too! It's like when that grandma heard Remy speak in Ratotoullie!" Niko giggled as she pulled out her phone. "In a minute. You're the perfect size for the shelf, or maybe the coffee mug."
Niko gently poked Gudako's shoulder with one finger. The tiny Beast girl staggered a step and glared up at her.
"I will remember this."
"Worth it. Hehehehe~." Gudako was then picked up and placed in a mug, and she glared petulantly at Niko who was taking pictures once more. The exiled Last Master calmed down when Niko placed half a donut next to her, and she took advantage of her size to savor the massive treat as the latter watched.
Arno set his current glass aside and leaned in. "Okay, enough. Niko, can you clear it please?"
Niko, who was currently holding the struggling Gudako like a toy airplane while making jet engine sounds, finally relented. She grabbed her staff again and performed the spell. "Okie-dokie. Clear Skies."
As Gudako was now growing back to her regular size, Arno called a break for the testing since Exusiai called in to ask for more supplies of the juice and bread as a contingent of visiting Laterano had heard of the the Penguin Pantry and requested a bulk order.
The Cart and the Penguin Pantry operated differently wherein the latter was actually open 24/7, with Emperor putting up a skeleton crew for the night shift. So Niko and Arno actually had to come in sometimes to restock things early before the weekend. The order was so huge, however, that an emergency refill had to be done. The girls decided to simply pack up the stuff and continue the tests the next day.
OMAKE: Exusiai's Birthday (Gudako's Present Aftermath)
A few days after Exusiai's birthday, the three of them sat in the cart's main room with the lights low. Nian's newest movie played on the screen; some loud, over-the-top action comedy involving dragons, fireworks, and a drama sub-plot about detectives looking for a diamond. Niko had claimed the middle of the couch with a blanket while Gudako sat on one end with her head in Niko's lap. Arno occupied the other end, half-watching while he was snacking on some caramel popcorn, occasionally tossing some into Gudako's mouth.
On screen, a character in ridiculous armor yelled something about honor and then immediately tripped into a noodle stand. Niko laughed hard enough that a few crumbs bounced off her shirt.
Arno glanced over at Gudako during a quieter stretch of dialogue. "Hey. What did you end up giving Exusiai for her birthday? Niko said you two brought baskets."
Gudako kept her eyes on the movie for a second, then shrugged. "Couple of pastries, some flavored butters, and a few jars of jam. Nothing fancy. Niko helped me finish the last batch the morning of the party."
Arno raised his eyebrows. "You baked all that? And Niko helped?" He looked past Gudako at the younger girl. "Nice work. Bet Exusiai tore through those pretty fast."
Niko grinned without looking away from the screen. "She better have. Watching Gudako bake was actually really cool. She had everything measured out and timed. And the apples she used looked like they were made of metal. Shiny and heavy. I almost dropped one."
Arno nodded absently, eyes drifting back to the movie. "Metal apples. That's neat." He watched another explosion on screen, then the words fully registered. His hand froze on the notes.
"…What kind of apples?"
Gudako waved a hand. "The ones Da Vinci made for me and my brother. Bronze, silver, and gold. Packed with nutrients, super filling, and they tasted great. She used to hand them out before long missions so we wouldn't run low on energy while gathering materials."
Arno's face lost color. "Y-you mean the Golden Apples? The ones that were basically energy drinks?"
"Yep. Still have over a hundred left in different types. Da Vinci even showed us how to grow more if she wasn't around."
"You mean the ones that were basically energy drinks?" Arno's voice jumped. "The ones that are FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH MAGICAL ENERGY?!"
Gudako blinked, still not quite catching up. "Well, yeah, but how do you know that? What's wron—"
She was already standing when the thought finally crossed her head. Those apples were designed for people with Magic Circuits. They dumped a massive load of Od straight into the system to top off a magus for long term missions and were made by some of THE best Casters in Chaldea. And while some Terrans used Arts, they did not have Magic Circuits. Terrans did not process Od the same way, so no one knows exactly how they will affect the consumer here.
She had run off into the room to change out of her sleepwear. "Ooohh. Oh no."
Arno was already on his feet, shoving the notes aside. He grabbed the remote and passed it to Niko without looking. "Keep watching. We'll be back."
Niko took the remote, confused. "Hey, what's wrong? Did I miss something?"
"Don't worry about it." both adults said at once.
Gudako was already pulling on a jacket and checking her pockets for the cart keys while Arno snatched his phone off the counter, hands not entirely steady. The former had basically passed someone a concentrated version of Military-Grade Magical Red Bull in the form of pastries and sweets.
Before either of them reached the door, Arno's phone rang.
He shakily answered the phone when he saw the Caller's ID. The moment the call connected, the sound of something heavy crashing came through the speaker, followed by distant shouting and what might have been an explosion..
Kal'tsit's voice came through, clipped and not in the mood for delays.
"Arno. Get Gudako and head to the Infirmary. Now."
Another crash echoed in the background. Someone yelled about "golden apple donuts" and "why is her halo glowing so bright?!" Kal'tsit did not raise her voice.
"I will expect both of you within the next ten minutes. Do not make me send someone to collect you. If you try to run, you will be found."
The line stayed open just long enough for another loud thud and for a very familiar, redheaded angel's voice to shout so loud, that even Niko heard it from the sofa.
"I NEEEED MOOOOORREE!!!"
*CRASH!* *Beeeeeep*
Arno lowered the phone and stared at Gudako. She stared back, already halfway to the door.
Niko, still on the couch, paused the movie. "Should I come too, or…?"
"Yes, please." Arno said. "It seems we did an oopsie regarding Exia. We'll explain later."
Gudako pulled the cart's outer hatch open. "I'm so sorry guys. I used to eat those things all the time with my brother, that I completely forgot that not everyone has access to those., I'm going to apologize until she gets bored of hearing it."
When Niko came out with her staff and bag, they locked the Cart and sped off to quell the angel's rampage. When all was said and done, Gudako was forced to make up a story on where she got those apples to hide her circumstance, and even had to surrender some seeds and apples for the R&D team to examine them. Thankfully, whatever power was watching them caused those seeds to immediately wither and die before fully germinating, preventing more of those apples from ever being made locally.
Apparently, Exusiai brought out the pastries in the usual potluck the Laterano operators have, and was the first time she actually tried them. She was thankfully the only operator to have some before she went berserk, causing the others to be cautious at what she brought before they carefully sealed the items and restrained her.
Exusiai was initially upset that she won't be getting any more of those, but she was at least allowed to keep most of her stash as long as she was under direct supervision when she ate them. And some of the other operators who had some after the whole thing came forward to ask Gudako for her recipes, to which she shared with a smile.
AN: Hey, guys. Been a while, huh?
Before anything else, I am not attempting to force a romance between Arno and Gudako through these products. Instead, I am trying to make use of the concepts of aphrodisiacs/love potions in a different way as opposed to the usual catalyst for lemons, or the other way in using them when used in fiction.
This is because, to me, Aphrodisiacs/Love Potions are probably THE most invasive form of magical drugging in fiction due to how close it is to brainwashing and physical manipulation. It curbs your inhibitions and amplifies feelings of attraction between two people through both mental conditioning, AND physical urges.
My intention is to show precisely how dangerous these substances are, and how reckless Arno and Gudako proved to be in handling them. This is their first encounter with something entirely unknown; approaching it with such carelessness highlights both their inexperience and the extraordinary potency of the potions relative to the more mundane bentos and candy that appear elsewhere in the story. And if anyone asks, Outer Gods (like the Entity) are above Beasts in terms of power, especially one as young as Gudako/The Beast, hence even they are not able to simply shrug off the effects.
The reason why Niko is immune? Niko has summa that extra Divinity sauce; and considering her lore and what her previous world was, plus the revere and faith people had in the symbol of The Messiah, she actually has the qualifications to be considered an Outer God. So would you look at that, Lovecraft? The First Benevolent Outer God.
I am not seeking to moralize. I simply chose this approach because it most effectively conveys the sheer power of these items.
References used:
*Sulfur is a real game that is on Steam, and has JUST released out on consoles. Go get it guys, it's really really fun.
**With some tweaks, this is actually true about Ian McCollum. He used to drink in livestreams before he started taking medication.
***Alice in Wonderland potion, if you didn't get it.
****I was doing some reading, and Blackbeard apparently drank a "cocktail" made from rum and bits of gunpowder before battle.
*****Hermione's description of Amorentia, witht he last ingredient being either toothpaste (the movies), or Ron's hair (the books, which is stated by Rowling [Which is gross to me, by the way. Ron is a slob, and he slept with Scabbers for many years.])
******Just some casual Kal'tsit hotdog lore reference lmao
Anyway, thanks for reading. Please leave a like and/or a comment when you can because I like engaging with readers. And if you guys wanna do Omakes, go ahead; but please keep it SFW.
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Fragment of Serenity
Yu-Shan's Paperwork Ninja
- Joined
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Gudako: WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME?!?!
Beast: Girl, do you understand how hard I am working to get you some snu-snu? A goddamn Outer Being is trying to get you laid here, and you're complaining about it!
Beast: Girl, do you understand how hard I am working to get you some snu-snu? A goddamn Outer Being is trying to get you laid here, and you're complaining about it!
Paracsus
Not too sore, are you?
- Joined
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Arno: *Hiding in the PL Warehouse*
Croissant: "What are you doing?"
Arno: "I dunno, my pelvis is in danger somehow. I can feel it."
Bison: *wordlessly puts a blanket on the desk Arno is hiding under*
veekie
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Niko already has the heal spell ready, don't worry.
She already saw everything.
Undercut Umibozu
Not too sore, are you?
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I love this story, makes me wonder if more will join.
darotan
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Eh. Didn't feel much from this chapter. Too much forced shenanigans from people clearly being stupid, Niko included.
Testing out stuff that has no descriptions or instructions is one thing, but there was a note that came along with the product to provide exact instructions on use, so there's little excuse for needing to personally test the products.
Rather than this, I had hoped for more regular content of products being sold and the people being affected by it, and following up with the changes in the world that occurs as a result. Oh well.
Testing out stuff that has no descriptions or instructions is one thing, but there was a note that came along with the product to provide exact instructions on use, so there's little excuse for needing to personally test the products.
Rather than this, I had hoped for more regular content of products being sold and the people being affected by it, and following up with the changes in the world that occurs as a result. Oh well.
Paracsus
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In the chapter before this, the Entity was careless in how it gave the alcohol, so you could say that the instructions this time were pretty vague because of how different It and regular mortals are.
One example is for the Potbelly Pilsner; what is a little bit of an appetite to what's basically a giant octopus (an example only) compared to a regular person?
Another was the Depression Daiquiri; it doesn't feel things like we do on the normal emotional spectrum.
I get it though. The selling will come back soon, just wanted to try and show off something that is much more powerful and difficult to use compared to the Windrunner's Fuel or the Fae Series.
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Paracsus
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Kinda. It's more that Arno is a major booze hound, but there's also that too lol
veekie
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In the future he will know Niko is Judging them both for being drunk and horny
Paracsus
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Note that Gudako has been sensually teasing and flirting with Arno for a while. It was only a matter of time.
DragonWalkerDEW
Nothin’ special here, despite how it sounds.
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Ah, nice to see the story again, even re-read it to the latest chapter to get caught up. Though for the drinks, considering I already have a feeling some will be taken back (since the 'Supplier Entity', as I'm calling it, did want to do it as an experiment/trial run if I'm correct), I am curious if the some of DRG drinks get put in afterwards instead, especially the gunpowder one after that comment of Blackbeard and his gunpowder drinks.
I feel like it would make sense in some way since it's not really permanent or 'harmful' effects either there, aside from maybe BlackOut Stout or the effects of the drink having side-effects now. Plus, as a bonus, I feel like you would get free-reign on how to design the bottles then in that case too, since they come in mugs in that game instead of bottles. I.E. the gunpowder drink's bottle having a neck modeled after a gun barrel for instance.
Though, if not that… there's still SS13/SS14 and the huge amount of drinks they have there too.
I feel like it would make sense in some way since it's not really permanent or 'harmful' effects either there, aside from maybe BlackOut Stout or the effects of the drink having side-effects now. Plus, as a bonus, I feel like you would get free-reign on how to design the bottles then in that case too, since they come in mugs in that game instead of bottles. I.E. the gunpowder drink's bottle having a neck modeled after a gun barrel for instance.
Though, if not that… there's still SS13/SS14 and the huge amount of drinks they have there too.
Paracsus
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What are DRG and SS13/SS14?
I think I'll be stealing that BlackOut Stout name lol. Much better sounding than Voidka in my opinion.
I already have descriptions for what the bottles are already, so don't worry about that. One example was the Chambord's label.
Thanks for the comment.
DragonWalkerDEW
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Huh, first time I've seen someone not know those games, I guess the opposite of "It's a small world" also applies.
Those, in order of when said, is:
- Deep Rock Galactic (that one space-dwarf game.) While it's mostly focused on fighting aliens and mining, it does have a surprising amount of drinks. Like Blackout Stout, which just gets your character so drunk they pass out in seconds, Arkenstout which freezes them temporarily in a block of ice, and my favorite being Flintlocke's Delight, the gunpowder drink I mentioned before, which temporarily flings them around with a bunch of non-harmful explosions. Though, since it wouldn't really be a 'game' if the cart provided them, the people drinking them may have some side effects, I.E. being cold and wet after drinking Arkenstout or something more mild like just cooling them down on a very hot day, or more funnily being Flintlocke's Delight just sending someone down the street on a chain of tiny explosions loony-toons style.
- And then SS13/SS14 is just Space Station 13, an old RP-focused game with a more modern Unity adaption called Space Station 14, but both have a lot of community servers, each with their own drinks for the ingame bar, both alcoholic and non-alcoholic, and some more normal while occasionally there's a couple of more 'weird' ones I.E. one of the drinks being the 'Atomic Bomb', which uses cola and uranium to make it for some reason? But there's also the 'The Doctor's Delight', which if I'm correct slightly heals people due to having some of the game's medicine mixed into it.
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Paracsus
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Thanks for the info. Those games sound pretty interesting with all of that.