The Burbank Wedding (Chuck/Buffy the Vampire Slayer) (Sequel to 'The Burbank Team') (Complete)

Chapter 31: The Bachelorette Party

California, Los Angeles, Downtown Los Angeles, August 15th, 2008

“Alright! This will be a bachelorette party to be remembered!” Mel raised her fist to the air as everyone else got out of the cab in front of the nightclub. “This will be grand!”

“Yes!” Buffy joined in enthusiastically.

“Just ensure that we won’t get arrested - again.” Dawn wasn’t quite so enthusiastic.

Mel blinked. “Again?”

“That was in London and totally doesn’t count!” Buffy protested. “I was only defending myself!”

“You got into a fight?” Lily asked - she sounded concerned.

“Not a real fight.” Buffy shook her head. “There was a toppled table, and the guy disappeared. Poof! And the police blamed me, even though I didn’t touch the table until after it had already been broken.”

“And after you’d ripped a leg off,” Dawn added.

“Off the table, not the guy!”

Faith snickered, but Lily, Ellie’s best woman, and Sofia, the other bridesmaid, looked confused with some worrying. Mel merely looked puzzled.

And Ellie looked annoyed. “There won’t be any ripping off legs at my bachelorette party!” she announced. “Table or otherwise!”

“Yes!” Mel cheered again. “Just booze, sexy dancers and fun!”

“Sexy dancers or sexy dancing?” Faith asked with a smirk.

“Both!” Mel replied. “Once we’re drunk enough!”

“I don’t need to drink for either,” Faith told her. “But I like to!”

“That’s the spirit!” Mel agreed.

“Yes. See, Buffy? Follow Faith’s example,” Dawn said.

“Dawn!”

“Buffy, Dawn - no more bickering tonight!” Ellie laid down the law.

“Sorry.”

“No, you’re not,” Dawn whispered just loud enough for a Slayer to hear while she nodded at Ellie’s word.

Buffy glared at her.

“So… first stop: The best bar in Los Angeles!” Mel said. “All my sources agree that you’ll get the best Margaritas here!” She walked towards the entrance.

Caridad could see the bouncer grimace at the sight and grinned. Things were off to a good start!

*****​

They were halfway through their third pitcher when Mel, who had tried to keep up with Faith, stepped in. “So… how was it growing up in Sunnydale?” she asked. “Ellie never tells us much about it.”

Ellie frowned - no, glared - at her friend, but Mel didn’t notice. And Caridad saw Sarah pay more attention.

“I didn’t grow up there,” Buffy replied. “We moved from Los Angeles to Sunnydale when I was in high school.”

“It sucked,” Dawn, who was still nipping from her first cocktail, said. “Just another boring small town full of small-town people.”

Well, someone was on the job, Caridad noted. “I can’t say anything, either - I only lived a few months there.”

But Willow, who definitely had had more than a glass, piped up: “Oh! I was born in Sunnydale and lived there until the day it all fell down the sinkhole!”

“Honey, perhaps this isn’t…” Kennedy started to say.

But Mel leaned forward like a vampire smelling Slayer blood and cut her off. “Oh, tell us everything! The stories we’ve heard were so weird! Is it true that it was ruled by gangs?”

“Oh, no, it wasn’t ruled by gangs!” Willow said. “Well, there was that biker gang that tried to take over, but they were, uh, driven off.”

“The old mayor ran the town with an iron grip in a silk glove,” Dawn said. “He was all nice and polite, but if you crossed him, he’d rip your head off.”

“I’ll get another pitcher,” Faith said, standing up.

“Dawn!” Buffy hissed.

“What? It’s true.”

“So… that wasn’t meant literally, right?” Mel asked in the sudden silence.

“Oh, no - Mayor Wilkins would never get his hands dirty like that,” Willow told her. “He was a little germaphobe, I think. And he died in the big gas explosion at our graduation.”

“You had a gas explosion at your graduation?” Sofia gasped. “You never told us that!” she looked at Ellie.

“It’s not something I like talking about,” Ellie said, glaring at the Scoobies. “Several teachers and students died.”

Sofia gasped. “Oh, no. I’m sorry!”

Fortunately, Faith returned. “And I’m sick of talking about Sunnydale. We’re here to have fun, not dwell on the bloody past!” She all but slammed the pitcher down. “So, we’ll empty this and then go dancing!”

“And then the strippers!” Mel said, nodding enthusiastically.

“There aren’t any strippers here - unless you’re volunteering,” Faith told her with a leer.

“But there are strippers on the next stop! I’ve got it all planned out!” Mel announced. “The best strip club according to my research. And it has both male and female strippers,” she added with a smile aimed at Willow and Kennedy.

Willow cheered at that, but Caridad couldn’t help feeling that she was overlooking something.

*****

Mel was again leading the charge, so to speak, when they got out of the cabs at the strip club. “Here we are!” she declared, spreading her arms. “The best strip club in Los Angeles!”

“That doesn’t sound like a high bar to clear,” Dawn remarked.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Faith told her. In a fake English accent, she went on: “The differences in quality are remarkable where strip clubs are concerned.”

Everyone had a laugh at that.

“If Giles could hear you…” Buffy shook her head and giggled. “He’d be all ‘Why, really, Faith, that was unnecessary!’ and polish his glasses.”

“His fogged-up glasses!” Faith replied.

“Isn’t he your boss?” Mel asked.

“Sort of, yes. He also was the librarian at our high school,” Buffy told them.

“Really?”

“It was a sabbatical,” Dawn told them. “He had to leave England after a dispute with his extended family.” She tried to step on Buffy’s foot, but the Slayer evaded her.

“Oh!” Sofia nodded. Obviously, that was acceptable as an explanation for someone at leas tipsy.

“He was one of the few decent staff at the school,” Ellie commented. “But we’re not here to talk about school, are we?”

“Well, not high school, but we should share some stories about medical school!” Mel said. “That’s traditional for such parties, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Lily said. “Or, at least, it’s now.” She grinned.

“Well, such stories are best told with a drink in your hand and a stripper on your table,” Faith said. “I speak from experience. That was how I met the others.”

“In a strip club?” Mel positively beamed at her.

“It was a dance club,” Buffy corrected Faith. “The place where all teenagers hung out in town.”

“Ah.”

“Though from what I heard, some people tried to change that,” Dawn said, grinning at Buffy and Faith.

“Really?”

“No, we didn’t!”

“B was too much of a prude, anyway.”

“I wasn’t! Wait. That sounds like…”

“Buffy, stop digging your own hole,” Ellie spoke up. “Mel?”

“Right! Follow me, everyone! I made reservations!”

Caridad wasn’t familiar with the club - it was relatively new. Chuck’s analysis hadn’t flagged it as a demon hangout. And the neon windows in the form of crosses were probably the reason why - that made the place decidedly vamp-unfriendly.

On the other hand… “Think the owner knows what goes bump in the night?” she whispered, loud enough for the other Slayers to pick up.

“Or it’s just a design choice,” Kennedy replied in an equally soft whisper.

Well, they were four Slayers and one witch. They could handle anything.

The bouncers - two, tall and muscled, but no whiff of demony Caridad could smell - let them in without making a fuss. Then again, a bouncer who would stop a group of hot women would be soon out of a job.

Inside, she took a deep breath. No lingering demon smell here either. And it looked like the crosses were a design choice - the whole club was decorated in the same style.

“Wow. I’ve heard of neo-gothic, but this is the first time I saw neon-gothic,” Dawn said, snorting at her own pun.

“It’s certainly unique,” Willow said.

“It’s grand! Come on, let’s get our table!” Mel moved towards the closest waiter - or the closest waiter not walking around in skimpy clothes. The woman directed her towards a corner table with enough room for everyone. And even some amount of privacy - there was only one table nearby, and that was…

“Uh oh!” Buffy piped up.

Faith started to laugh.

Caridad groaned.

“Ellie?”

“Devon?”

“You’ve picked the same club?” Chuck blurted out.

“Apparently,” Sarah told him. She tilted her head at the stage where currently two Chippendales lookalikes were dancing and raised her eyebrows.

“I didn’t pick the club!”

“I did!” Charlie something, one of Devon’s friends, spoke up. He was smiling from ear to ear. “It’s the best club in town according to my sources!”

“Yes!” Mel agreed. “I did the same.”

“Great minds think alike!”

“Drunks think alike,” Dawn said. “Well, this is kind of awkward,” she went on.

“Yes,” Ellie agreed with a frown.

Devon nodded.

“It’s hilarious, that’s what it is!” Faith disagreed. “Come on - this has never happened before.”

“I’m sure that something like that has happened before, though it probably wasn’t publicised,” Willow said.

“Because it’s incredibly awkward,” Buffy said. “Funny, too. But also awkward.”

“Is there a problem?” Ah, the head waiter had noticed.

“No, no,” Lily quickly said. “It’s just… we’re the bachelorette party, and they are the bachelor party.”

“Oh.”

That was quite a fitting reaction, in Caridad’s opinion.

“Uh, well…” Chuck cleared his throat. “I don’t think that we can, uh, proceed as planned.”

“What? This is great! We can push the tables together and have mixed strippers dance on them!” Faith was grinning from ear to ear.

Caridad wasn’t sure how serious the other Slayer was, but this wasn’t OK. It was one thing to know that John was probably watching a stripper at Devon’s bachelor’s party, but to see him watch the stripper? At least there wasn’t already one dancing on their table.

“One of our groups has to leave. Simple as that,” Dawn said.

“Yes,” Lily added. “Staying like this kind of kills the mood.”

“The mood’s already dead,” Caridad pointed out.

“Nothing more booze won’t fix,” Faith objected.

“They’re looking like metalheads at a club where someone suddenly turned off the sound and flicked on the lights,” Dawn said.

“How would you know that?” Buffy asked. “Did you do that?”

“What? Me? Of course not!”

“Did one of your friends do it?”

“Are you honestly trying to interrogate me while we’re standing in a strip club staring at the stag night party?” Dawn crossed her arms.

Buffy blinked. “Yes?”

“Buffy!”

“Enough!” Ellie raised her voice. Slightly. “We’re not going to watch strippers together!”

“There’re private booths and séparées,” Willow pointed out. Then her eyes went wide, and she blushed. “Please forget that I said that!”

Kennedy grinned, but her elbowing Willow had the witch wince.

“Hey - where’s Giles?” Buffy suddenly asked. “Shouldn’t he be with you?”

“Giles said he would feel like a chaperone,” Xander told her. “So he bowed out.”

“Lame,” Faith commented.

“He wouldn’t have seen anything, anyway, what with him polishing his glasses for the entire evening,” Buffy told her.

“Naw,” Faith retorted, “When you liquor him all right and popper, he’s a party animal.”

“That was in his youth!” Buffy protested.

“Can we focus on our current problem instead of on ruining Giles’s reputation?”

“I’m fixing it, not ruining it,” Faith shot back.

“Faith!”

“We’ll leave the club and move to… what’s next on the schedule?” Ellie asked.

“Ah… karaoke!” Mel said. She reached into her purse and pulled out a sheet of paper. “The hottest karaoke joint in Los Angeles!”

“You scheduled the karaoke after the strip club?” Faith asked.

“We should be drunk enough to sing by then!” Mel replied.

“Good argument!”

“But we aren’t drunk enough yet,” Buffy pointed out.

“Singing in public? I definitely need more alcohol for that!” Willow announced.

All the Scoobies paled.

“It’s not really public,” Dawn quickly said. “It’s quite private! A private room.”

“Oh, no! It got a stage and all!” Mel happily announced. “It’s going to be grand!”

“It’s going to be a disaster,” Caridad muttered as Willow paled and reached for the pitcher of beer in front of the boys.

“Willow, honey, maybe you shouldn’t…”

But the witch started drinking as if she had been stuck in a desert without water for days.

*****​

“At Waterloo! Napoleon! Did! Shurender! And I have Met My Deshtiny! In Quite a Shimilar WAY!”

“Whoohoo!”

“More beer!”

“The Hishtory BOOK! On the Shelf! Ish Alwaysh Repeating Ishelf!”

“More booze!”

While Willow belted out the lines, only hitting any notes by accident, Caridad grabbed a keg before Kennedy could nab it, slammed a stake into it and raised it to her head. “Watch me hold my beer!” she said before ripping the stake out and catching the beer with her mouth. Mostly. But she protected her dress. Mostly. Well, it could be cleaned. And it was cheap, anyway.

“Waterloo!”

She put the keg down, spilling a little more on the floor, and burped. Loudly.

“You’re doing great, Willow!” Buffy yelled.

“Shake it, Baby!” Kennedy added.

“If I were wearing panties, I’d throw them at you!”

“Faith!”

“What?”

“Waterloo!”

“Great idea!”

“What are you doing?”

“Oh, this is grand!”

“Willow, Catch!”

“Waterl...Eeep!”

“Oh, look, snacks! More snacks!”

“Goodie! I’m starving!”

“Hell, yeah, food!”

“Just let me put your order do-Oh, my God!”

“Faith, don’t scare the waitress!”

“The who?”

“I’m the bride; I got dibs on the snacks!”

“I won the karaoke competition, so I got dibs!”

“There was no competition, Buffy!”

“There so was! And I won!”

“Who cares? They’ve got pastrami sandwiches! Decent pastrami sandwiches!”

“Oh, yummy!”

Yeah, things were going great! Even Dawn had stopped complaining after the second cocktail. If she had known karaoke could actually be fun, Caridad wouldn’t have burned down Caritas. Not so often, at least. Probably.

“This is even better than the strip club! More fun!”

“Hey! I’ve got an idea! What about strip karaoke?”

“Oh!”

“Faith!”

“That would be grand!”

“Mel!”

“What?”

That actually sounded like fun.

*****​

California, Los Angeles, Beverly Hills, August 16th, 2008

Caridad generally loved being a Slayer. Especially the ability to bounce back from injuries much faster than anyone else. Not suffering from hangovers - or not for long, depending on how much you had drunk - unless demon beer and other magical drinks were involved was great. Usually.

It wasn’t so great when you were facing rather irked Watchers in the morning and had no excuse to go and hurl in the bathroom or get some pills to dull the pain.

“You’re banned from the Karaoke Station,” Giles said. “While, technically, it’s a provisional declaration issued in the heat of the moment, so to speak, and subject to being revised once everyone involved has had time to recover their facilities and tempers, I do not expect that to change.”

“Strip Karaoke.” Phil shook his head as he looked at them. “And you made it a competition.”

Well, how else could you judge who was the best at it? Caridad kept from saying that, of course. And she should’ve won! Faith had cheated - everyone knew there was a ‘no touch’ rule in clubs!

“It was Faith’s fault!” Buffy said, going as far as pointing her finger at the other Slayer.

“What? You were right there with me, B! Hell, you started the competition!”

“I was drunk!”

“Not my fault you can’t hold your liquor!”

“I can so hold my liquor!”

“Perhaps in your hand.”

“Hey!”

“Children.” Giles could sound very cold when he wanted to.

Caridad straightened almost reflexively.

“Moving on from that ill-advised idea, after you were expelled from the ‘joint’, you proceeded to continue with what was intended as a bar crawl,” Giles went on, “but somehow turned into a street race with a group of criminals. Across Los Angeles.”

“A race we won!” Faith cheered. “Not even the cops could stop us!”

“Although they certainly tried. They were tracking you with a helicopter until there was a sudden freak storm over the city that forced the helicopter to land at the next airport.” Giles wasn’t polishing his glasses, Caridad noticed. She didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.

“That was Willow!” Buffy protested.

“She was drunk out of her mind and acted on your behalf,” Giles told her.

Caridad winced. Drunk Willow was a sight to see. Preferably from a safe distance.

“Yes,” Kennedy joined in. “Buffy asked her to!”

“I only asked her to do something about the helicopter. I didn’t ask her to send a hailstorm all over the city - it ruined my hairstyle!” Buffy pouted. “And why are we the only ones getting yelled at?”

“Because everyone else is still recovering - and will have quite a stressful time later during the wedding, I have to point out,” Giles explained. “And, as Slayers, you were the least affected by the alcohol you imbibed during the ‘party’.”

“Hey! We were as drunk as the others - we’ve drunk more!” Faith spoke up.

“You just said you weren’t as drunk as I was!” Buffy cut in!

“As a lightweight, you don’t count, B.”

“A lightweight? You take that back!”

“Do you want me to call you fat?”

“Oh, that’s it…”

“Quiet!” Giles snapped.

“Yes, stop shouting… My head hurts.”

Everyone turned to look at the door that had just opened. Willow was standing there, looking as pale as… well, a vampire. And as dead as a zombie. “What time is it?”

“Nine,” Phil told her. “In the morning.”

“Ugh… That’s… I don’t know what it is, but it’s bad,” Willow said. “I need an aspirin. Or a few of them”

“Not your magical hangover cure?” Kennedy asked.

“I have to make it, first. And I can’t do that with this headache.” Willow shuffled past them towards one of the bathrooms in the suite.

Once she had closed the door behind her, Giles cleared his throat. “Anyway, that was merely the climax of your spectacle.”

Faith giggled. “Phrasing!” And she wasn’t fazed by Giles and Phil’s glares.

“You also totalled four cars. Cars, I have to stress, that weren’t yours nor lawfully acquired.”

They had stolen cars? Oh, right, Faith had volunteered to get them rides after the challenge by those racers.

“Hey! I didn’t want to burden our budget!”

“And yet, smoothing out the repercussions of your escapades will cost more than buying a car would have cost.” Giles still wasn’t polishing his glasses.

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Cool!”

“I’m not sure Anya shares that assessment.”

Faith muttered a curse in return. And Caridad winced again. Anya hadn’t been part of the party, citing that she didn’t know Ellie well enough. A transparent excuse, though Caridad didn’t know why Anya hadn’t wanted to party.

She did know, though, that Anya took unexpected expenses very, very seriously.

Damn.

*****​

“...and between the trip to Rio and the projected payments needed for last night’s incidents, we’re looking at our whole budget for unexpected expenses being used up halfway into the year!” Anya glared at everyone assembled in the suite’s lounge except for Giles and Phil. “Do you know what that means?”

“Uh… we need more money?” Buffy said.

“It means you need to watch yourself! Money doesn’t grow on trees!” Anya retorted.

“Well, it would if we’d have pursued my plan of magically altering plants to produce various expensive drugs,” Willow said. “The medical drugs, not the other kind,” she quickly added. “Even though the war on drugs really is a horrible waste of money, lives and time, and drugs produced and used safely would be a much better alternative from practically any point of view!”

“Willow! No playing with magical genetic engineering!” Dawn blurted out.

“We didn’t pursue that since magic used for personal gain tends to backfire,” Giles explained.

“But it wouldn’t be personal gain if we used the proceeds to protect everyone!” Willow protested.

“I somehow doubt that magic would share your view, considering what sorts of things we’ve used the budget for,” Giles said.

Caridad noted that all of the Scoobies suddenly looked guilty. She was about to smile when Anya nodded and said: “I certainly wouldn’t have approved renting a yacht if I’d known what this trip would cost us!”

That had been Chuck’s idea, not hers!

“Anyway, I implore you: Be on your best behaviour today. And tomorrow,” Giles said.

“Or we’ll cut the shoe, bike and book budget,” Anya added. Several gasps erupted from amongst the Scobbies. “And the snack budget.”

Caridad’s eyes widened. Anya was evil! Plain evil! She must have fallen back into demony habits!

*****​

California, Los Angeles, Sun Valley, August 16th, 2008

“No, no, no - this has to go there!”

“Oh my God! We’re going to be late!”

“Chuck! Where’s the number of the florist?”

“Dad! Where’s the number of the florist?”

“In your contact list.”

“Mine or Ellie’s?”

Caridad heard a few keys being tapped. “Both.”

“Thanks!”

“Did you just hack my phone? Dad? Chuck? Did you just hack my phone?”

“Technically, we didn’t just hack your phone…”

“Chuck!”

“We planted some programs in your phone as a precaution, in case we had to track you.”

“Without telling me? Dad!”

“I thought Chuck had told you. It was his idea.”

“Dad!”

“Chuck!”

In the guest bedroom, Caridad turned to look at John and tried to tune out the voices from the rest of the house. “Has it been like this since you woke up?”

“That was what woke me up,” he growled, fiddling with his tie.

She nodded. “That’s the Bartowski touch.”

“I’ve seen invasions with less…” He shook his head.

She chuckled at the thought. Then she sighed. “Be glad you were spared the lecture from Giles and Anya about responsible use of Council funds.” She narrowed her eyes. “What exactly did you do after we split in the strip club?”

“We didn’t lead the LAPD on a chase through the entire city.” He smirked, and she frowned at him.

“That’s not answering my question.”

“We went bowling,” he said.

“Bowling?” She blinked. That didn’t sound like something either Chuck or Devon would want to do.

“Eventually.” He shrugged. “We had a bar tour first.”

“So, you decided to go drunk bowling.”

“Yes.” He pressed his lips together.

“And you didn’t wreck the bowling hall?” She would’ve expected something like that. When Slayers went bowling - or so she had heard - lanes tended to suffer.

“Of course not.”

“No shootout with some gangsters?” That would’ve been her second bet.

“No.”

“Unplanned fights with demons?” Those happened all the time.

“Unless they were masquerading as drunk clubbers, no.”

“But you had a fight!” Hah! She knew it.

“If you can call knocking a bunch of drunks down a fight.” He shrugged. “They were too drunk to get up.”

“And why did they attack you?” she asked.

“We beat them at bowling.”

“You had a fight at the bowling hall? Did you get banned?”

“No. They got banned.”

She sighed. “You got all the good luck. And we got all the bad luck.” Then she blinked. Wait… That could’ve been the work of a demon! Or a witch! She would have to ask Willow to check!

“We also didn’t get to see a strip Karaoke contest,” he told her.

She blushed a little. Only a little, though. “You didn’t miss much.”

“Really?” He grinned.

She grinned back. “I can show you later.”

*****​

California, Los Angeles, Echo Park, August 16th, 2008

“We’ve got journalists sniffing around,” Zondra told Sarah and Caridad as soon as they arrived at the church - well, the church’s parking lot.

“‘Sniffing around’?” Caridad asked.

Zondra glanced at her, then at Sarah before replying: “News van one street over. They are playing by the rules so far - but they have a reporter right at the perimeter.”

Which was a fancy way to call the fence surrounding the church and the parking lot. Then again, John did the same, so it was probably less fancy and more technical.

“We don’t want the wedding to be in the news,” Sarah said. “Especially not together with speculation about recent events.”

Morgan, who had tagged along with Kirsten, probably so he wasn’t hindering the wedding preparations at the house - nodded. “Ellie would go nuclear.”

Kirsten nodded. “They’re in public, though.”

That made dealing with them in a straightforward way more difficult. A pity - Caridad would’ve liked knocking them out and depositing them in a side alley to wake up hours from now. Although that would potentially create a feud with the newsgroup in question or those particular journalists. Which would be bad.

“We can have our electronic assets deal with them,” Sarah said.

Usually, that would mean Chuck and his dad, both of which would be very busy right now - although they’d probably be glad to have an excuse to get away from Ellie. Or Willow. And who knew what Willow would do?

“Fake a recall order?” Caridad suggested.

“I doubt that they would blindly follow it; that would be unusual for such a job,” Sarah said.

Zondra nodded in agreement.

And siccing the police on them wasn’t a good idea, either - even if that got rid of the journalists, the police would use the pretext to stay and observe the wedding. Or even harass the guests for statements. “Sabotage their recording equipment?”

“They’d notice.”

Not if it was done with magic, but Caridad couldn’t tell Zondra that. So what could…? Ah! “Then we need a distraction,” Caridad told the others. “Something that will make them drop their current job and follow the new story.”

“Those kinds of distractions aren’t going to fall from the sky,” Zondra pointed out. “And we don’t have time to manufacture one.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Morgan grinned. “A few guys owe us favours.”

“What kind of ‘guys’ are you talking about?” Zondra asked with a frown.

“The kind of guys who can make a spectacle,” Morgan’s grin grew as he pulled his phone out.

*****​

“You asked Jeff and Lester to provide a distraction? A ‘news-worthy distraction’?” Chuck sounded a little… well, a lot like John, Caridad noticed. After someone scratched his Lincoln.

“What else could we have done? Kill the journalists? Hack their network?” Morgan defended himself.

“Everyone agreed,” Kirsten pointed out.

“And they promised to keep it legal and, well, normal,” Caridad added. “And out of sight.”

“I’m not quite sure if staging a labour protest and concert without permission on a public street is legal in Los Angeles,” Chuck said, glancing down the street. You couldn’t see the distraction. But you could see the half a dozen patrol cars blocking the road at the corner. “But I’m pretty sure inciting a riot isn’t legal.”

“It’s not a riot,” Kirsten countered. “It’s just a lively protest.”

“A very lively protest,” Caridad added. Almost the entire Buy More staff was there, and they knew how to make a scene. A very big scene - she could see a news helicopter flying overhead.

“The cops are taking out the riot gear,” Chuck retorted, pointing at a dozen cops kitting out at the corner. “I’m pretty sure that makes it a riot.”

“Only if they actually use it,” Caridad told him.

A moment later, bottles landed at the corner, splattering the cops with… “Slime? Coloured slime?” Would Lester actually use his own…?

“They’re sliming the cops? Please tell me that it’s normal slime, not drugged demon slime!” Chuck exclaimed.

“Well…” The ranks the cops had started to form had completely broken down, and a few of them were wandering around rather aimlessly. Caridad felt a little guilty. They were LAPD, but this was a little much.

“Ellie’s going to kill me,” Chuck muttered.

“It was my idea,” Morgan said. “You weren’t even here.” He gasped. “Oh my God - she’s going to kill me!”

“She won’t kill anyone. She’s too busy being married today,” Sarah said. But the spy looked a little less certain than she sounded, in Caridad’s opinion.

“At least the distraction worked,” she said. “The news crew are covering the riot, not the wedding.”

“All the news crews are,” Morgan added with a grimace.

“Well, at least Devon won’t ever forget the date of their wedding,” Chuck said with a forced chuckle. It wasn’t funny, but they laughed anyway. “What are they shouting, anyway?” he asked Caridad.

“Uh…” She had been trying to ignore the whole thing. But she focused on the sounds from the protest down a block and around the corner. “‘Give me dental or death’?”

Morgan nodded. “Good motto. Dental really should’ve been part of the Buy More contract.”

“Morgan!” Chuck snapped.

“What? It’s true!”

“Casey’s here,” Chuck pointed out, baring his teeth at his friend. “And you know how he feels about ‘socialism’.”

Morgan paled. And looked at Caridad with a pleading expression.

She sighed. The things she did for her friends…

*****​

John was inside the church, checking the decorations for traps and bombs. The few people already seated - the ones who had arrived pretty early - probably thought he was part of the staff. Or just someone interested in wedding planning.

“Everything’s clear - so far,” he said as she approached, low enough so only a Slayer could pick it up at this distance.

“Things are a little complicated outside,” she told him. “Our plan to distract the press went a little off the rails.”

“What happened?” he asked as he straightened, crossing his arms so his hand was close to his shoulder holster.

“Morgan had Jeff and Lester organise a protest nearby,” she explained with a wry smile.

He muttered a few curses about all three men under his breath.

“It kinda went out of control,” she went on.

He cocked his head and narrowed his eyes. “Out of control?”

“The LAPD is calling in the riot squad or something,” she told him. “Jeff and Lester have most of the Buy More staff out demanding higher wages.”

He scoffed. “I could disperse those losers by myself.”

“Well, they’ve thrown slime at the cops.” She shrugged. “And with the reporters all watching closely, even the LAPD is holding back. A little, at least.” And if they knew what was good for them, they’d keep holding back.

He scoffed again. “Damn wannabe revolutionaries.”

“Yeah. Anyway, just telling you that outside, it’s going to be a little crowded. Chuck and his Dad are rerouting the guests on the way, but there might be a few delays.”

“Ellie won’t be happy.”

Caridad winced. No, Ellie wouldn’t be happy at all. If her carefully planned schedule got disrupted… At least they had a good excuse.

John nodded again, and she returned to the security van. On the way, Vi came across her, grinning. “Everything’s clear around the perimeter. Morgan’s plan’s working great!”

“We’ve got a riot going a block down from us,” Caridad told her friend.

“Yeah! If anyone needs some ass-kicking, I can just blame the cops or the rioters!” Vi laughed. “And all the reporters are watching the cops. We should use the opportunity and sabotage their van.”

Oh. That was a good idea. Caridad snorted. “Check with the others, first, though.”

“Of course. Don’t want to mess up Willow’s wards.” Vi nodded towards the Church. “She’s in the back there, casting.”

“Ah.” That was good to hear. One less thing to worry about, then - no demon would be able to bother them now.

Inside the van, Zondra was staring at the screens showing the inside of the church. And at Willow casting her spell. “What’s she doing?”

“Blessing the place,” Sarah told her. “She’s Wicca.”

“Wicca?” Zondra tilted her head. “Some New Age religion?”

“Pagan, actually,” Caridad told them. “She’s calling on the Earth Goddess.”

“Inside the church? The priest’s not going to be happy.” Zondra shook her head again.

Kennedy was ensuring that no one disturbed Willow, so Caridad didn’t think that the priest would ever find out what was happening inside his church. She shrugged anyway.

“Uh, guys…” Chuck suddenly spoke up.

“What happened?” Sarah asked. “Did some guests get caught in a police blockade?”

“What? No, no, we rerouted everyone. And Ellie’s still on track, I mean, on schedule. But...” He grimaced. “...the protest is going viral.”

“They’re covered by the news,” Sarah pointed out. “I would expect it to be widely watched.”

“No, I mean viral - spreading through social media,” Chuck explained. “And, uh, there’s another protest gathering at Large Mart. Some people are calling for a united front.”

Caridad blinked. “But… don’t they have a blood feud with Buy More?”

Chuck nodded with a rather worried expression. “Yes. This is a really bad sign.”

Caridad stuck her head outside the van. The riot cops had arrived and were disembarking - but a couple of them were already getting back into their vehicles. A lot of them, actually. “Just how far is this spreading?” she asked.

“All over the city?”

Damn.

*****​

“Dental or Death! Dental or Death!”

“Down with the Capitalists and their pigs!”

“Dental or Death! Dental or Death!”

Caridad could turn out the chanting crowd down the block, but it was a little harder to ignore the smell of burning tyres. Or the column of thick, black smoke rising in the air a block down. She shook her head as she watched the LAPD vehicles forming a roadblock getting plastered with more slime.

“What did we unleash?” Morgan asked, standing next to her.

“‘We’?” John scoffed. “That was your idea, moron.”

“Hey! Everyone agreed with my plan! It wasn’t as if anyone had a better idea,” Morgan protested.

“No one could’ve expected this,” Kirsten added.

“Those idiots always make a mess,” John retorted. “You should’ve known that.”

“Oh!” Morgan paled some more. “Big Mike will kill me! My Mom’s going to kill me!”

“You’re only thinking of this now?” John scoffed again. “Moron!”

“Big Mike’s in the crowd, actually,” Caridad told them. “I’ve heard him leading a chant for better insurance.”

John stared at her. “What? He’s the manager!”

Morgan nodded with a sage expression. “If you can’t beat them, join them.”

John muttered something about commie traitors again.

“Uh… I’ve got good news and bad news,” Chuck said as he stepped out of the security van.

“Just give us the intel, Bartowski,” John snapped.

“Uh, right. So, Ellie is on the way - her car left home and should arrive with a slight delay due to the detour around the riot. Devon is going to be here in a minute with his parents,” Chuck told them.

“Was that the good news or the bad news?” Morgan asked.

“The, uh, good news. The bad news is that there are half a dozen protests going on now, spread out over the city. Lively protests.” He grimaced. “And, uh, it seems that some of the shoppers didn’t take well to the malls getting closed on a Saturday and have started riots of their own…”

“What have we started?” Morgan asked.

“‘We’?” John glared at everyone.

“Ellie will have a wedding with half the city burning,” Chuck said. “And it’s all our fault.”

Damn.

*****​

Inside the church, the music was playing already, so unless you were a Slayer, you wouldn’t hear the chanting and screaming from the riot a block away. Devon, looking great in his suit, was at the altar, chatting with his best man. He didn’t seem worried at all about the riots breaking out all over the city.

Or he didn’t know about them. Willow was sitting with the rest of the Scoobies - other than Buffy, who would be arriving with Ellie as unofficial security. The witch looked a little tired but not as worried as Caridad would’ve expected. Giles and Phil didn’t look worried at all, but they were British. And Anya was… calculating? And whispering to Xander.

Unfortunately, Caridad had no time to chat with them - Ellie was arriving. Caridad hurried outside so she could enter with the other bridesmaids; not quite traditional, but she was a Slayer, and this was her city; she wouldn’t leave the security of the church to others.

Outside, she heard the riot again and forced herself to smile as Ellie’s car drew up in front of the church, followed by the bridesmaids’ car.

Ellie was smiling a little forcedly as she got out of the car and her glance at Caridad promised trouble later.

Caridad pasted a smile on her face and joined the other bridesmaids as Buffy snuck into the church through the side entrance.

When the music inside switched to ‘Here Comes The Bride’, Ellie’s dad led her inside.

Caridad did her best to tune out the riot behind her as she followed them.

*****​

 

Chapter 32: The Wedding Banquet

California, Los Angeles, Echo Park, August 16th, 2008

“...now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Finally! Caridad cheered when Ellie and Devon kissed. Not just because the ceremony had been about an hour too long for her taste, but that certainly helped. As did the fact that there hadn’t been any attack, demony or not, or other incident. Well, apart from a few cell phones ringing in the middle of the ceremony, but, frankly, Caridad preferred to listen to some synthesised version of “Baby One More Time” instead of yet another sermon.

It reminded her of her childhood’s visit to churches, and she could do without that. She had fought demons in hell; she didn’t need any priest telling her about sins and evil and stuff.

Granted, the priest officiating Ellie and Devon’s marriage hadn’t preached about that stuff, just the usual stuff about love and union and marriage, but still… she was glad it was over.

And now came the wedding reception, and then the banquet! Oh, she couldn’t wait! Any longer, that was.

But first, they had to file out, past the happy couple. Well, the mostly happy couple; as Caridad stepped outside, she saw more plumes of smoke in the sky - apparently, between sales staff demanding higher wages and mall shoppers demanding more sales, the riots were spreading.

And she heard Ellie whisper through clenched teeth: “If our banquet is ruined, I’m going to kill Morgan.”

Maybe a block wasn’t enough of a safe distance to a riot. Even though the LAPD seemed to have things in hand - they were still holding the line at the corner; Caridad could see that clearly.

But so could everyone else at the reception - many of the guests weren’t quite as interested in the buffet as in watching the police. Or following the news on radios. And a lot of them looked concerned.

Caridad grabbed a plate for herself - being a bridesmaid was hungry work - and moved to the security van. “How are things going?” she asked between scarfing down a few sandwiches - canapées.

“For us, or for the city? Or for the Los Angeles United Mall Workers Front?” Zondra asked.

“‘United Mall Workers Front?’” Caridad repeated.

“That’s apparently the name for the new organisation behind the protests.” The spy shrugged.

Caridad sighed. “Let me guess: Founding members are Lester Patel and Jeffrey Barnes?”

“I wouldn’t know; I’m security, not electronic surveillance.”

And both Chuck and his dad were in the line. Caridad shook her head. “Any chance of the riot turning our way?”

“Only if the LAPD completely screws up,” Zondra replied.

“So… fifty-fifty?” Caridad hoped that she was joking.

Zondra chuckled. Once.

Caridad stepped out of the van and headed back to the others. Well, to the Scoobies and her own team. They had taken over part of the buffet. The part designated to feed Slayers, according to Ellie.

“How’s the situation?” John asked.

She winced and told him. “The riot nearby? Holding. The rest of the city? Spreading.”

“I didn’t expect that!” Morgan exclaimed. “They are Jeff and Lester - how could I have known they would actually manage to succeed? I just wanted a distraction, not some… some...”

“...new workers’ movement?” Willow asked, tilting her head slightly. “They were only the spark; this has been brewing for some time.”

Kennedy scoffed. “Must be Los Angeles. They are almost as bad as France.”

“That’s a stereotype - two actually!” Willow told her. “And not true!”

“In any case,” Xander interrupted the political discussion before it could start, “is there any riot close to the wedding banquet’s location?”

“Not last I heard,” Willow said. “Let me check…” She pulled out a smartphone. “Doesn’t look like it,” she added after a moment. “Though I already cast some wards on it, so we should be fine.”

“Goodie. So we can dine in the eye of the storm,” Buffy said.

“Should be good entertainment. A real riot,” Faith joked.

“That’s not really funny. Think of Ellie and Devon - who would want to celebrate their wedding in the middle of a riot?” Willow said with a frown.

“That sounds actually like fun,” Faith replied with a toothy grin before she grabbed another plate of snacks of all kinds. “You know, fun for the whole family.”

“Faith!” Buffy chided her. “Not everyone thinks a brawl is the perfect way to end an evening!”

“Or to start it!” Faith grinned again.

“In any case,” Caridad said. “We have to keep an eye on the situation. If the riot spreads to the church…”

Everyone winced.

*****​

But half an hour later, the riot still hadn’t spread to the reception, and the guests had stopped looking at the police - mostly. And the music drowned out the chants from the Buy More crowd.

Ellie, though, wasn’t looking as happy as a bride should be on her wedding day. Though she had stopped complaining to Chuck about the riot. And threatening Morgan.

So Caridad didn’t feel guilty for sampling all the food - which was great! - and generally keeping an eye out for threats that Vi might miss. Or Zondra. Though there wasn’t any threat. Not that they were expecting any, anyway. Not with Gaez’s terrorists dealt with. The local demons knew better than bothering any event with the Scoobies present, and the cops were all too busy to bother them.

She frowned a little. There was still van Vleck, but she doubted that he was in the country, much less the city. Probably still in Mexico. And if he managed to attack… well, Caridad’s money would be on Willow.

She grabbed a new plate and loaded it with some of the dessert bits and bites. Tiny glasses filled with mousse au chocolat, tiramisu or crème brûlée! Yummy! She grabbed three of each, ignoring the muttered comments from some guests from Devon’s side of the family about being greedy or something, and wandered over to John.

Who was talking to Mel. Or the other way round.

“And isn’t it grand? It went perfectly!” the woman said.

“Except for the riots,” he replied in a dry tone.

“Bah! The situation is under control. And it’ll make it easier to remember the date!”

Caridad stopped eating her second tiramisu and blinked. That was certainly… an original view of the whole incident. “I doubt you’d forget the date, being a bridesmaid.”

“Well, not me, of course not - but the others?” Mel gestured at the guests around them, almost spilling her wine. “They’ll remember this wedding for the rest of their lives!”

“I think Ellie shares your opinion,” Caridad told her, smiling politely. And Ellie wasn’t happy about it.

“I know, right? Isn’t it grand?”

“Only until the riots turn into an insurrection,” John grumbled.

Mel blinked, then laughed again. As if that was a funny joke.

Caridad stepped closer to John and held one of her tiny glasses out to him. “You have to try this!”

He looked at it, and she handed him her spoon. After licking it clean.

Mel got the message and left to talk to Ellie. Caridad grinned as the woman left.

“She wasn’t flirting,” John said after finishing the dessert.

Caridad nodded and made a noncommittal sound. Better safe than sorry. John was hers.

Time to change the subject. She looked at Ellie and Devon, who were talking to Devon’s parents and Ellie’s dad. “She’ll laugh about this tomorrow.”

John grunted in return.

She handed him the next glass and added: “And no one could’ve predicted this.”

Another grunt.

“You are pretty silent,” she commented.

He shrugged.

He wasn’t thinking about his former fiancée, was he? That was almost twenty years ago. Not that she’d mention that - he was a little sensitive about his age. Not that he had to - Giles was older, and Phil was just plain old, and both were great Watchers. Or… “Are you thinking about marriage?”

“Spies don’t marry,” he replied.

She suppressed a sigh - he was thinking about it. But she agreed with him - mostly. “Neither do Slayers,” she told him. “Though there are exceptions.”

“There are married Slayers?”

She shrugged. “There are hundreds of us now. Someone will probably marry.” She chuckled. “Faith said someone will get drunk in Vegas and wake up hitched, but Willow said that was just a movie gimmick.”

He chuckled as well. But after a moment, he asked: “Do you want to get married?”

Ah. She took a breath and tilted her head. “Not really,” she said after a second. “I mean, who hasn’t dreamed of a dream wedding?” She forced herself to laugh. “But I don’t see the point.” She wasn’t the little girl she had been before she had been called. “And all the stress, for what? A ring and a certificate?” She snorted. I can throw a party for my friends without a pretext. And her family… well, that was something best not talked about, either.

He nodded, although a little slowly. Then he took a deep breath. “But if you wanted…” He trailed off and looked at her.

She smiled at him and nodded. “I’d tell you.”

He nodded as well.

*****​

California, Los Angeles, Downtown Los Angeles, August 16th, 2008

Caridad was glad she wasn’t riding with Ellie and Devon but in John’s car. They had to take another detour on the way to the restaurant. Not because of a riot blocking the way, but because of a traffic jam caused by a riot. That meant they would be late for the wedding banquet - well, not late for the actual banquet, but the apéritif would be cut short.

Which was fine by Caridad. They had just spent over an hour at the reception doing the same, and she was looking forward to the banquet. Not that she’d mind another round of appetisers, but full courses were better.

She leaned to the side and looked up at the sky. “I think there are more news choppers than police choppers,” she commented.

“It’s a city-wide riot,” John replied. “That’s national news.”

“Bet they’re making it look as if the entire city is rioting.” Caridad snorted. Technically, there was enough rioting in enough districts to qualify. Technically. And according to Chuck’s last update, the LAPD was struggling to handle so many riots. “I hope they blame the cops for that,” she said.

John made a noncommittal grunt.

She shrugged. The cops deserved it, in her view. They had stubbornly refused to let them be, after all. And she was really tired of dealing with their shit. Hopefully, the LAPD would get a new boss after this and stop harassing them.

She blinked, then grinned. How was that for unintended consequences, as Phil would say? Perhaps pointing this out to Ellie would get Morgan back into her good graces?

Or not - Ellie was stubborn. Better wait until after the honeymoon.

*****​

They reached the restaurant about half an hour later than planned. Not too bad for a riot day, as the news was calling it. Well, they were calling it the ‘Mall riots’, but the point stood. More or less.

Caridad got out of the car and took a look around while John parked - no valet parking for his baby on a riot day. No demony traces in the air. At least not outside. Just some faint smell of burning tyres and other stuff. And she couldn’t spot anything suspicious in the parking lot, either. She tapped her radio. “Parking lot clear.”

“Copy,” Zondra replied. “Red has cleared the interior.”

That meant Ellie and Devon and the rest of the guests would be safe to enter, too.

“Everything checks out?” John asked as he joined her.

She nodded, then looked him over. His tie was slightly crooked, but he fixed it before she could. She checked her dress. Decent. Not that she cared much - it was a typical bridesmaid dress, so everyone should know that she hadn’t picked it, and she was absolutely sure she’d never wear it again. “Let’s go! We’ve got appetisers waiting!”

He chuckled - he knew how much she needed to eat.

*****​

“...and so I can only wish you the best!”

Caridad joined the other guests politely applauding as Devon’s father sat down after his toast. Now they would be able to...

Then Ellie and Chuck’s father stood, raising his glass. Great.

“I’ll be short,” Mr Bartowski started his own speech. “As most of Ellie’s friends know, I haven’t been a part of her or Chuck’s life for years. It’s, therefore, an even greater pleasure to be here for her wedding - to be part of the family again. A family that has grown with the addition of a great man I’m proud to call my son-in-law and a family that I hope will grow even more in the future.” He smiled at Ellie and Chuck.

Ah. He didn’t just mean grandkids. Or not just Ellie’s kids. Chuck blushing and glancing at Sarah was cute.

“I won’t bore you with stories about their childhood, I can’t bore you with stories about their lives in Los Angeles, and I don’t know what the future holds for them, but I know that we’ll be facing it as a family. And in that vein: To the future!”

Caridad applauded a little more enthusiastically than the bland speech deserved. She could hear several guests wondering why Mr Bartowski hadn’t been around for years and a few repeating various rumours in response. Mostly about a younger woman and an estrangement.

As planned, in other words. It wasn’t particularly fair to Chuck’s dad, but the truth wasn’t that much better. He had abandoned his kids, after all, even if he thought he had somewhat good reasons for it.

Unlike someone else about whom Caridad would rather not think.

But they were finally starting to serve the main course, and the smell of delicious meat - steak - drove the unhappy memories away.

Time to dig in!

*****​

“If we’d had this food at the rehearsal, I’d have volunteered to rehearse all week,” Caridad commented after finishing her... third, no, fourth serving of the main course. Unless stealing some food from John’s plate counted. Or trying the vegetarian alternative. No, that didn’t count at all.

“That would have bankrupted Ellie and Devon,” Willow pointed out, then cringed a little when Caridad, Buffy, Faith and even Kennedy glared at her. “I’m just pointing out that a banquet is expensive.”

“Indeed,” Anya agreed. “The costs for the security arrangements alone are quite significant.”

“But necessary,” Xander added. “And it’s nice to relax a little.”

“We do relax a lot,” Buffy protested.

“A little too much in some cases,” Anya commented.

“But we’re usually… well, we’re usually not the side-show,” Xander said.

“‘Side-show’?” Buffy frowned at him.

“Well, we aren’t the main act; that’s Ellie and Devon. And we aren’t the closest family, either,” Xander went on. “That’s Chuck and his dad. So, we’re not the centre of attention. Just some weird friends from England, as far as the rest of the guests are concerned.”

“Hot friends from England,” Faith corrected him.

“I doubt anyone would mistake you for a Brit,” Buffy said.

“Some of the guests certainly think we’re British,” Willow said. “And, technically, we are British citizens.”

“Don’t remind me.” Buffy pouted. “I’ll start drinking tea any moment now. And my teeth will grow.”

“Buffy! That’s a stereotype!” Willow frowned at her.

“So?”

“See, that’s why we’re exiled to a table in the corner,” Willow told her.

“I thought it was so we could eat as much as we wanted without anyone growing suspicious. Other than the waiter who was told that we’re bulimic,” Buffy replied.

“And to keep us from making all the other women jealous,” Faith added. Very unhelpfully, if not entirely wrong. “Which we will do anyway once the dancing starts.”

“It’s not that kinda dancing,” Buffy told her.

“That depends on the dancers,” Faith retorted with a leer.

“Please don’t strip,” Anya told them bluntly. “Our budget can’t afford another incident.”

“We won’t strip,” Willow said. “No one will. The strip Karaoke was just a… uniquely and totally not repeatable incident.”

“I think it was great and I’ll suggest it for our next pub crawl in London,” Faith said.

Caridad couldn’t tell if she was serious.

“Not even you would dare strip in front of Giles and Phil,” Buffy told Faith.

“Watch me!” Faith shot back.

“I won’t!”

“No one will strip at Ellie and Devon’s wedding,” Willow glared at everyone. “Or it’s curses all around!”

“You wouldn’t curse us!” Buffy protested.

“I so would! No one will ruin this wedding! Other than the usual embarrassing family members making a scene, but that’s totally not our fault.”

“Well, technically, we could qualify as the embarrassing remote family members,” Xander pointed out with a grin.

“Xander!”

“Just kidding. And Dawn would probably kill us - look at her chatting with some of Ellie’s friends.” He grinned.

Buffy looked over with a frown. “She gets to play the sophisticated British scholar - and you know she can pull off the accent - and we’re the bulimic table?”

“Would you rather have been stuck with regular servings?” Kennedy told her. “Besides, half the women here are probably bulimic.”

Well, not the vegetarians amongst them; their food had been yucky.

“Who cares what the others think of us?” Faith snorted. “We’re here to enjoy ourselves! And we will enjoy ourselves!”

“No fighting at the banquet!” Willow quickly said.

“There’s bound to be a drunken brawl,” Faith retorted.

“Which you won’t be taking part in.”

“But that’s the best part! Apart from the sex part.”

“Faith!”

“Just kidding. Don’t worry, I’ll dance, grab a nice hunk or something, and then look for a cupboard or room nearby.”

“And that’s one reason why there’s usually a drunken brawl at weddings,” Kennedy said.

“Hey!”

Caridad glanced at John. He hadn’t said much during the meal. Not that he did say much, usually, especially compared to the Scoobies, but he’d been silent even for his standards. But he didn’t seem to be angry - he was relaxed; she could tell by his muscles.

Well, they were the only ones at the table who weren’t Scoobies, so it was probably that. She reached out and squeezed his thigh under the table. He quickly grew tense, but his lips pulled into a faint smile as he looked at her.

Good.

Caridad wasn’t going to let Faith beat her at enjoying the wedding.

*****​

Dessert had been great as well, though the murmurs of ‘bulimic’ had been impossible to ignore afterwards. It wasn’t as if Caridad had rubbed it in that she could eat three servings of the wedding cake, after all! And some ice cream afterwards. Well, not before that aunt of Devon had made that nasty remark about Californian women.

But now they were dancing. Ellie and Devon had opened the floor, so to speak, and Caridad had taken advantage of it by dragging John on the floor as well. He was a surprisingly good dancer. “Was ballroom dancing part of your spy training?” she asked as they led into another song.

“Partially,” he replied. “An officer is supposed to be able to dance at a ball.”

Ah. So he’d learned dancing at West Point. But she was sure that some of his moves he hadn’t learned there.

“You?”

She grinned. “Natural talent and high school.” And Slayer reflexes and grace, of course. Enough to outshine everyone on the floor, even though you weren’t supposed to outshine the bride and groom. Well, almost everyone, she corrected herself when she saw the other Slayers dance.

That was unfair. L.A. was her territory. She let John lead her away from the display Buffy and Faith, trying to upstage each other, were making.

A new song started. She kept a firm grip on John. Ellie and Devon might be supposed to dance with various guests and family - Devon was now dancing with Sarah - but Caridad wasn’t under any such obligation. She was here to enjoy the occasion, after all, and she would…

She felt John tense and tensed up herself. “What’s wrong?”

“One of the waiters just stuck her hand into the jacket of Devon’s father,” John told her. “The brunette headed towards the door.”

She hissed. They could contact Zondra and Vi, let them sort it out, but… describing the waiter would take time, and a spy would be gone before they were through. “Let’s nab her!” she whispered.

The song was still playing, and them leaving the floor would send more tongues wagging, but Caridad didn’t care right now - she had a spy to hunt!

Without saying anything, they split up. John was going after the woman while Caridad took a side exit.

“Trailing a suspect,” she heard John inform the others as Caridad strode past the small line in front of the bathrooms and left the building through a not secured emergency exit. “Might have stuck something in the elder Woodcomb’s pockets.”

Her bridesmaid’s dress hadn’t been made for running, originally, but she’d made some alterations afterwards. A quick tug and it split up to her hip now - still not ideal, but good enough for a Slayer to dash around the restaurant and beat the spy to the main entrance - or exit.

“Copy. She’s headed for the side exit on south,” Zodra’s voice sounded in her ear.

Good. Caridad sped up a little, turned around the next corner, then slowed down as she approached the door.

Perfect timing - she had barely reached it when it was opened from the inside, and the spy stepped out. Caridad grabbed her arm and pulled her to the side, slamming her into the wall, then dropped her to the ground and secured her with an armlock. “Got her!” she reported.

“Ah! Let me go, damn it!” the woman - belatedly - protested. She didn’t cry out for help, though, Caridad noticed.

A moment later, John arrived. “Let’s get her inside.”

“Let me go!” the woman protested again. “I’ve done nothing!”

“We’ll see about that,” Caridad told her, baring her teeth at her.

“Moving the suspect to an interrogation room,” John told the others.

“Interrogation room? What? Are you arresting me?”

“We’ll see about that,” John told her.

The spy started to struggle harder now. “What the hell! Who are you? You’re not… You’re not cops!”

Caridad muffled her with a hand on her mouth before the spy could scream. Then John put binders on her hands and feet and properly gagged her.

“We need a clear path to the interrogation room,” he told Zondra.

“Path should be clear right now.”

“Copy.”

Caridad carried the woman inside and up the closest stairs. She was still struggling, but a few taps to the ribs stopped that before they reached the room - which was merely a hotel room rented in advance and checked for bugs and decent soundproofing.

She dropped the woman on the bed and started to search her. No weapons. No bugs. But lockpicks. And a wallet. Which belonged to Devon’s dad.

The spy was a thief - or wanted them to think that. Not exactly the oldest trick in the book, but a classic.

“Devon’s dad is missing his wallet,” Zondra reported. “Nothing was found in his jacket.”

The woman wasn’t struggling any more but still trying to scream or talk into her gag. She was either a good actress or some dumb thief in over her head.

They’d find out. Caridad grabbed the woman’s driver’s licence. “Lara Hollister.”

“Running the name,” Chuck replied over the radio.

Damn. He was either using his laptop at the banquet or had left. Caridad hoped for the latter. People would assume he was in the bathroom.

Well, they had a potential spy to investigate. Time to get a move on before people thought she really was bulimic.

*****​

“...and I just thought I could nab the wallet - people care less about their wallets at weddings since they don’t have to pay for anything - but it’s just a wallet!”

Hollister either was the best actress in the city or a rather lousy thief. Since she wasn’t nominated for an oscar, Caridad was betting on the latter. She looked at John while the woman sobbed.

“Please! You got the wallet back, even! Let me go! I won’t tell anyone!” She struggled a little, but with her hands and feet cuffed to a sturdy chair, there wasn’t much she could do.

Caridad really wanted to say: ‘She knows too much’, but the woman might wet herself - and Caridad had plans for the room. Plans that could do without any lingering stench her nose would pick up. So she sighed. “We’ll have to fill out too much paperwork if we hand her over to the local cops.”

John grunted, then leaned in until his face was inches from the woman’s. “If we ever see you again, we’ll take you in and charge you with smuggling drugs. Lots of them. Understood?”

The thief whimpered as she frantically nodded. “Please! I’ll leave the city!”

“You better,” Caridad told her as she bent down to uncuff the woman.

A few minutes later, Caridad watched from the side entrance as the thief stumbled away as fast as her shaking legs could carry her.

“Back to the banquet?” John asked, standing behind her.

She frowned. They had taken too long to explain it as a trip to the bathroom. People would wag their tongues. Might as well… She grinned at him. “Let’s work on our cover.” She nodded towards the stairs.

His eyes widened for a moment, then he nodded with a grin. “Yes.”

*****​

Faith was smirking at them when they returned to their table, though Caridad noticed that Willow and Kennedy were absent as well. And unlike Xander and Anya, she couldn’t see them dancing, either.

“And here are our two lovebirds!” Faith greeted them - loud enough so the neighbouring table could overhear her despite the music filling the hall.

And Caridad’s ears easily picked up the comments.

“Really!”

“Do you think they did it in a car?”

“No, no - they had a bathroom at least to restyle. That’s not how you look if you did it in a car.”

“You would know, of course!”

“Hah! You wish you’d know.”

“Good one!”

Well, better than she had feared. Caridad grinned as she took her seat. “Did we miss anything?”

“No,” Buffy said, shaking her head before sighing.

Caridad looked at Faith and raised her eyebrows.

The other Slayer shrugged. “Just B having some wedding blues. Her clock’s ticking louder today.”

Buffy sighed again. “It’s not wedding blues.”

“Midlife crisis?” Faith asked, her grin widening.

“What? I’m not even thirty!”

“But you’re getting close,” Faith replied.

“Which is a good thing for a Slayer,” Caridad pointed out before Buffy could make a scene. After all, Ellie was already thirty, and she wouldn’t be amused at all if Buffy started to loudly complain about becoming old.

“Well, yes…” Buffy pouted. “But I’m not going to marry.”

“So? Marriage is for wimps,” Faith said.

“Don’t let Ellie hear that,” Caridad told her.

“Marriage isn’t for wimps!” Buffy protested. “And don’t tell me that you’ve never dreamed of your, ah, dream wedding!”

“Me?” Faith laughed. “I never dreamed of a wedding! You should know me better than that!”

Buffy narrowed her eyes at her. “I know you well enough to know you’re lying.”

Faith rolled her eyes. “I was, like, five. And watching cartoons. That doesn’t count.”

“That so counts!” Buffy grinned.

“Whatever.” Faith stood. “Now that our interrogation room is free again, I think I’ll grab a hunk and drag them off for some… quality time. Laters!”

Buffy opened her mouth, then closed it and sighed once more. “She’ll never change.”

Well, she got that right, in Caridad’s opinion.

“But really!” Buffy went on. “It’s normal to think of a wedding of your own, at a wedding. It’s very normal - very weddingly. Right?”

Caridad shrugged. “Probably. I can’t speak for everyone.”

“But you thought of your dream wedding, right?”

She tilted her head. “We discussed it,” she said.

Once more, Buffy’s mouth was open for a moment without any sound coming out of it. “Oh.” She looked at Caridad, then at John - and then dropped her head on the table. “I’m gonna be an old spinster surrounded by married couples! Even Dawn will marry!”

Caridad looked around, but, fortunately, Dawn was dancing and hadn’t heard Buffy’s comment. Good.

“That was your clue to tell me that I’ll find Mr Right, Caridad.”

“Uh… you’ll find Mr Right? Or Miss Right?” Caridad said.

“You could at least sound sincere.”

Caridad rolled her eyes.

John smirked.

*****​

“Bye! Enjoy your honeymoon!”

“Have fun!”

“Leave the hotel room at least once during your stay!”

“Drive safely, Vi!”

“Safe for other people!”

Caridad watched as the limousine Chuck had rented for Ellie and Devon drove off. Vi was actually driving slowly - for a Slayer. She heard Zondra over the radio: “Couple’s moving.”

And then the car turned the corner and was out of her sight. A little later, she couldn’t hear its engine any more.

“Well, that’s that,” Morgan commented. “They’re married.”

“Technically, they were married hours ago,” Chuck said.

“Yes,” Morgan replied. “But this… this feels final, you know?” He looked at the others.

“I don’t, actually,” Chuck said. “This is more like… Ellie and Devon going on vacation. Which they are, of course.”

“But this is how the movies usually end,” Morgan insisted. “The couple riding into the sunset. Well, it’s already past that, I guess. Do you think they’ll make the hotel on time?”

“They could arrive past midnight,” Chuck said, “and they would get in - we arranged the check-in in advance. Technically, they’re already checked-in.”

“Ah.”

Caridad looked around. The other guests were gathered in small groups, slowly filtering back to the banquet - and the dessert buffet - or talking to each other. Like Devon’s parents and Chuck’s dad.

She didn’t see Faith, but that was no surprise. Phil and Giles were talking to some of the ‘uncles’ of the families. Well, Devon’s family. From what Caridad could overhear, they were discussing literature. Willow and Kennedy were chatting with some of Ellie’s friends, including Mel, who looked pretty drunk and was laughing almost constantly. Dawn was still talking with some older, academic types. So, she actually was interested, at least in the discussion, and not just riling up Buffy by flirting with men double her age.

And speaking of Buffy… Caridad saw the Slayer talking to one of Devon’s friends and smirked - Buffy was gesturing as she vented on age and marriage, and totally missing how uncomfortable the guy was. She elbowed John and nodded towards Buffy. “So much for preying on desperate women at a wedding.” The guy had picked the wrong target.

He took a look and snorted.

Sarah chuckled. “He actually hit on me when Chuck was in the bathroom.”

Chuck, who had been staring down the road with a whimsy expression, blinked. “What?” He turned to glare at the guy.

“I shot him down,” Sarah told him.

“Uh, yes, but still…” He shook his head.

“He hit on every woman,” Kirsten said.

“Ah, one of those.” Chuck nodded.

“One of those?” Morgan asked.

“The kind who just ask woman after woman in the expectation that sooner or later, one will say yes,” Sarah explained.

“Ah.” Morgan nodded. “Does that actually work?”

“Surprisingly often,” Kirsten replied.

“Well, it’s maths,” Chuck agreed. “Try enough times, and unless it’s completely impossible, sooner or later, you’ll succeed provided there’s no opportunity cost.”

Caridad rolled her eyes. You couldn’t reduce love - or lust - to maths. “Whatever. I doubt Buffy will say yes. Unless she’s more desperate than I thought,” she added, a little more loudly.

Judging by the way Buffy glared at her, the other Slayer had overheard her. Caridad raised her hand, whispering: “Shhh, I wanna hear this!” and tilted her head when Buffy turned back to the guy.

“Were you hitting on me because you think I’m desperate?”

“What? No, no! Of course not! I was drawn to you because you’re the most beautiful woman here!” The guy was obviously lying.

“Really? It took you a long way to talk to me.” Buffy’s frown deepened.

“Well, there were so many people, so I didn’t see you, but as soon as I caught a glimpse of you, I was…”

“Are you telling me that I’m short?” Buffy snapped.

“Ah…” The guy seemed at a loss for words for a moment. “That’s not…”

But Buffy poked him in the chest with a finger, making him stagger back and cough. “Get lost!” She whirled and stalked over to Caridad and the others. “Really! Making fun of me?”

“Of the guy hitting on you, actually,” Caridad told her.

“He thought I was desperate! You did as well!”

“Well, you were all ‘oh, noes, I’m gonna be old!” Caridad shot back.

Sarah and Kirsten exchanged a glance.

“That’s not desperate!” Buffy protested.

“Well, close enough.” Caridad shrugged. “Anyway, you sent him packing.”

“Yes.” Buffy sighed again. After a moment, she said: “Weddings make you weird.”

“Well, a lot of people would agree with that,” Morgan said in a fake-sage voice.

“Not like that. I mean… you start thinking what if, what is, what stuff…” Buffy looked at them. “Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking about weddings. Other weddings, I mean.”

“You already know that we discussed it,” Caridad told her.

“You and Casey, yes. But you?” Buffy stared at Chuck and Sarah, then at Morgan and Kirsten.

Chuck actually blushed. “Well, uh… I mean…”

“It’s certainly a concern, but not in the near future,” Sarah said, far too smoothly for such a topic, in Caridad’s opinion.

“Yes. No one wants to shoot ‘The Big Fat L.A. Wedding Part 2’ so shortly after the first part ended,” Morgan added with a nod. Even Kirsten glanced at him with a frown for that, so he quickly added: “That’s only one factor, of course. And it shouldn’t influence our decisions at all, once we do make it.”

Caridad snorted, but Kirsten smiled. Well, she was with Morgan, so she probably didn’t mind his antics.

Buffy shook her head. “I’m surrounded by couples.”

“Yes?” Caridad suppressed her grin.

“You don’t know how lucky you are.”

“Oh, we do,” Chuck said, beaming at her. “We really do!”

Buffy blinked, frowned, sighed again and walked off. Stomped off. Caridad heard her mutter: “So unfair!”, but the others would’ve missed it.

“Is she OK?” Kirsten asked.

“Oh, yes,” Caridad said. Buffy was the Slayer, after all. “She’s just…” She trailed off. How to word this without...

“She’s just lamenting her love life,” Chuck said.

“Yes, that,” Caridad agred. No need to get into details. That would take too long, anyway. “She’ll perk up tomorrow.”

“If you say so,” Kirsten said.

“Yes.” Caridad firmly nodded.

“So…” Chuck looked around. “You talked about… weddings?”

“Yes,” Caridad replied. But he was looking at John, she noticed.

And John stared back until Chuck ducked his head and looked away. “Never mind!”

She had to chuckle at that - but she also elbowed John. Gently, but so he’d feel it.

He grunted in return, and she wrapped her arm around his waist. After a moment, his arm was draped around her shoulders.

“We did as well,” Morgan said after a moment. “But…”

“We decided that it’s not on the table for a while,” Kirsten cut in.

“Yes, that.” Morgan nodded. “We’re Watchers. And Spies. Spy-Watchers. We’ve had a lot of trouble just organising an adjacent wedding, so to speak, so organising a wedding of our own?” He grimaced. “Lots worse, you know?”

John grunted, though it wasn’t his agreeing grunt.

Chuck looked a little taken aback and exchanged another glance with Sarah.

Ah. So, perhaps there would be another Bartowski wedding in the future. Well, seeing Sarah and Ellie clash over table decorations would be amusing.

“And, uh, you?” Chuck carefully didn’t look at John as he asked Caridad.

“If we marry, we’ll let you know,” Caridad told him. She felt John nod.

It wasn’t as if they had to hurry, after all.

They were good.

*****​

The End.

*****​