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The Gamer of Stars (SI/FATE)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by MrHeartless, Apr 4, 2023.

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  1. MrHeartless

    MrHeartless Getting sticky.

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    So the little retard me started my third attempt to write a Gamer ff.

    This will be in Fate/Apocrypha without the cardboard (Sieg).

    Please leave your feedback and suggestions!
     
  2. MrHeartless

    MrHeartless Getting sticky.

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    Any suggestions to replace the numerical stats for something else and easy to write? A friend of mine in discord said to replace for a perk tree and each level up will get you perk points to level up the perks.
     
    ArsMagna1337 likes this.
  3. Brainstorm813

    Brainstorm813 Know what you're doing yet?

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    Whatever you do, avoid Party. If everyone gets their own version of the Gamer, the story will quickly run out of steam.
    The intent behind replacing the stats is to not have the readers feel as if the MC was a soul less character who you have no connection to. If the readers hate the MC or the plot, the System won't save the story. That being said, replacing the stats with perks would mean nerfing the Game, considering vanilla Game has perks too, though they are random, somewhat. Whatever works for you.
    On profanity, excessive profanity often hinders the plot, character development but otherwise offers little to no value in return. Fine in moderation, I suppose.
    On ROB, I find a ROB completely unnecessary. They often make the story seem like total crack and MC often rages against them along with a bucketload of profanity with zero sense of self-preservation. Safely skipping this is actually beneficial, considering it raises the mystery factor.
    On avoiding the civilization collapsing debate of when to spend the points, have the MC train up and save points for a while but create a situation where they have no choice but to spend points. This choice pacifies both camps.
    Lastly, don't turn the MC into an apathetic psycho. It creates a setting where the situation is depressing and the MC lacks any motivation to do anything that is not prompted by quests. A Gamer story is supposed to be of self-improvement and enlightenment, not apathy.
    Also, as serious as you can make the plot, the better. Too many stories are just plain crack.
     
    Tato99, Caldon, Systems and 3 others like this.
  4. ArsMagna1337

    ArsMagna1337 (Unverified Oracle) (Unverified Omake Machine)

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    The stats... turn them into something like Servant Stats. As for the perk tree... Yes. Do it.

    Also, make a Servant perk that is exclusive only to Servant classes. They will exponentially increase the select stats of their classes but won't show on the Status screen.
     
    meolidas007 and MrHeartless like this.
  5. Brainstorm813

    Brainstorm813 Know what you're doing yet?

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    Does that not defeat the entire point of The Gamer? Servant classes already have perks that are exclusive to them only. Also, how exactly would Servant stats be upgraded?
     
  6. ArsMagna1337

    ArsMagna1337 (Unverified Oracle) (Unverified Omake Machine)

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    The Gamer cannot be a Servant for they are THE Gamer. Death of a Gamer means the game is over, which makes the Gamer no longer viable to be a Gamer for they are dead.

    The stats will have the Servant Stats letter instead of numbers. Meaning STR: 10 would become STR: F.
     
  7. Threadmarks: Prologue
    MrHeartless

    MrHeartless Getting sticky.

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    “Oi, hello? Hello~? Wake up~! You don’t want to miss this~!” A woman’s voice echoed through the quiet library.

    The man in front of her groaned and showed signs of waking up. He rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times before they shot open and jumped out of his chair.

    “What the–Where the hell am I?” He raised his voice as he looked around in wariness.

    “You are finally awake~! I was starting to get worried, Mr Theodore Cromwell~!” She said as she let out cute giggles.

    “Who are you? And how do you know my name? I don’t think we ever met.” The man now identified as Theodore asked warily after calming down from the initial panic.

    “I am Theresa and one of the Angels responsible for recy-reincarnation of souls!” The brown-haired woman replied with a tone of pride.

    “You were about to say recycling weren’t you?” Theodore asked with twitching eyebrows. “And don’t kid with me, angels aren’t real.”

    “I didn’t!” Theresa said with a pout. “And I am a real angel. See?” She said and a pair of white wings sprouted from her back.

    “Wow!” Theodore exclaimed in surprise. “Can I touch them?”

    “No, they are sensitive.” She said with a glare and immediately retracted them. “Anyway, my point is that you are dead.”

    “I am…dead?” He asked with doubt and tried his best to remember his latest memory and… “Did I just got crushed by a…Truck?”

    “A Truck!?” Theresa gasped in surprise.

    "Yeah... now that I think about it. When I was on my way home, I passed a truck that suddenly grew mechanical limbs. I tried to run away, but compared to 'It' I was meaningless and was crushed by 'Its' blow." He said, feeling a shiver run down his spine.

    “Wait, so you are ‘His’ chosen one!” The angel exclaimed and then panic replaced her surprised expression. “Dammit, if I knew then I should’ve treated you better. why did no one tell me?”

    Theodore was speechless at the angel who had some dignity a minute ago and lost it all just now. She looked like a restaurant waitress who just found out that the owner was there a few minutes ago.

    ‘Now that I think about it, I feel strangely calm about this whole situation…’ Theodore thought as he watched Theresa bring out a rainbow-coloured crystal from her desk.

    “Here we go.” She said and put the crystal on the desk.

    “What is this?” Theodore asked curiously.

    “I was told to give these crystals to the Truck Blessed ones. This crystal contains one of special the GAMER.” She explained.

    “Wait, truck as the Truck-kun?” He asked in surprise.

    “Yeah, that would be one of ‘His’ nicknames.” The angel said.

    Theodore nodded and picked up the crystal. “So this is supposed to be different from the original GAMER?”

    “Yes, although I wasn’t told the details.” She said with her index finger on her lower lip.

    “I see. So how do I use this?” Theodore asked.

    “Just shove it in your chest and it will do the rest.”

    Theodore did as she said. He put the crystal in his chest and it immediately entered without difficulties.

    Gamer Special Edition (GSE) installing…

    1%

    35%

    57%

    77%

    100%

    Download complete. Do you wish to start the tutorial?

    “Did it work?” Theresa asked.

    “You can’t see this?” He asked with a frown.

    “Of course not Silly! It’s your system, not mine.” She said as if it was obvious.

    Theodore nodded and replied ‘Yes’ in his mind.

    GSE has seven main functions:

    Status: Allows you to see your current progress and skills.

    Inventory: Allows you to store objects in infinite space where time is halted.

    Quest: Allows you to check your current Quests. Each Quest will generate according to your wishes and will have rewards corresponding to the difficulty of the quest.

    Relationship: Allows you to check your relationship with other beings. It’s divided into Affection/Obedience/Reputation. It will also display their thoughts about you.

    Dungeon: Allows you to enter a complex labyrinth that contains countless treasures across its infinite floors.

    Multiverse Travel: Allows you to travel to other worlds in the Multiverse.

    Log: Allows you to see your record of events.

    Note: To access each of these functions, you only need to think about the command and it will open.

    “I see.” Theodore nodded and looked at the angel in front of him. “So how do we begin the reincarnation?”

    “It’s simple actually.” Theresa said and clapped her fingers. A level appeared along with a roulette. “You will pull the level and you will reincarnate into the world it ends at. Don’t worry, it will only land on the worlds you know or have watched.”

    ‘That isn’t reassuring at all.’ Theodore thought with sweat running down his forehead. He looked at the level with wariness and slowly gulped. The roulette started spinning quickly ‘Please let it not be Boku no Pico or a death world…’

    *Tic* *Tic* *Tic*

    The roulette began slowing down until it landed on ‘Fate/Apocrypha’.

    ‘Fuck me.’ Theodore cursed and let out a sigh.

    “Well…good luck? Yeah, you can probably do it! ” Theresa tried to cheer him up, but before Theodore could say anything, his body started dispersing into particles of light.

    “This seems like a sudden farewell.” Theodore commented and looked at Theresa. “Thank you for everything in this brief moment.”

    “No problem, it was enjoyable for me as well.” Theresa said with a smile. “Farewell, Theodore Cromwell.”

    “You can just call me Theo.” He chuckled. “Good luck, newbie.”

    Theresa blushed in embarrassment after being found out that she was new to the job and wanted to call him out, but he had already disappeared.



    At a mansion in London, a blond boy was laying asleep on a king-sized bed.

    His body twitched and he shot his eyes open.

    “So it wasn’t all a dream…” He muttered and sat on his bed.

    ‘Status.’

    ————————————————————————————

    Name: Kirschtaria Wodime (Theodore Cromwell)

    Age: 3 (22)

    Level: 1 (0%)

    Class – None

    Race – Human

    Title – Reincarnator, 13th Generation of Wodime

    HP – 100%

    MP – Locked

    STR – F-

    END – F-

    DEX – F-

    INT – F

    WIS – F

    CHA – F

    LCK – E

    Perks: [None] | Perk Points: 0

    ————————————————————————————

    [Reincarnator]

    You are someone who died and got a next life in another world.

    Effects: + LCK, You can go to another world after clearing some conditions without being rejected by the said world.

    [13th Generation of Wodime]

    You are the 13th Generation of the prestigious Wodime family.

    Effect: Gain 15 [Reputation] in Moonlight World and 50 [Reputation] in Clocktower.

    ————————————————————————————

    ‘Did I just reincarnate into THAT Wodime!?’ Theodore–No, now Kirschtaria thought. He had played Fate/Grand Order and after clearing Lostbelt 5.2 he had to admit, Miyamoto Musashi and Kirschatia Wodime became one of his favourite characters.

    Kirschtaria belonged to one of the oldest families of Magi, having a bloodline extending thousands of years ago to the Age of Gods and their Magic Crest remained undamaged and contained the research and secrets of Astromancy magecraft.

    ‘Kirschtaria was a genius and prodigy even among his family, to the point that his own father was jealous of him and tried to poison his son.’ The boy thought and went out of his bed. ‘It seems that I have to be wary of my own family. I guess that is a part of being Magus.’

    ‘My MP is locked, but I think it is probably due to my Magic Circuits not being unlocked yet.’ He thought after analysing his [Status] in more detail. ‘And there is also a question of class.’

    And with just a thought, another blue panel appeared before his eyes.

    Classes will increase the learning and levelling speed of the class-related skills. The classes will be unlocked after the host reaches [Level 10].

    ‘I see.’ He nodded and curiously he looked at his [Inventory].

    ————————————————————————————

    [Kirschtaria Wodime’s memories] x1

    [A Gamer’s Special Edition Beginner Pack] x1

    ————————————————————————————

    Kirschtaria took out the first thing on the list and a transparent orb appeared in his hand.

    “What should I do with this?” He questioned as he stared at the orb in his hand.

    Skill Gained!

    [Observe] – Active | Level 1/100

    Description: Allows you to see the information of the target.

    Cost: None.

    ‘That’s appreciated.’ Kirschtaria thought and used the skill on the orb in his hand.

    ————————————————————————————

    Memory Orb (Kirschtaria Wodime)

    Type: Consumable item

    Description: A memory orb containing the memories of [Kitschtaria Wodime] before the host reincarnated. This will allow the user to absorb the memories and experience, but not the emotions or persona of the previous [Kirschtaria Wodime]. Crush the orb to be consumed.

    ————————————————————————————

    The boy crushed the orb in his hand without hesitation and a flow of memories entered his head.

    Kirschtaria remained unmoved as he digested the information he just received. After a few minutes, he returned to normal.

    ‘The situation isn’t that bad. I have practically a neutral relationship with my family, including my parents, which means my father won’t try to get me crippled yet until I unlock my Magic Circuits at least or the head of the family announces me as the successor.’ Kirschtaria thought and not only that, but he also gained a skill along with the memories.

    Skill Gained!

    Due to previous experience, the Level of the skill will rise.

    [Acting (Etiquette)] – Active | Level 7/100

    Allows you to act like a noble with etiquette.

    Cost: None

    ‘Although it isn’t a combat skill, it will help me not act suspicious in front of others.’ He thought and brought out the other thing in his [Inventory]. Then a wooden box appeared on the floor.

    Kirschtaria crouched and cautiously opened the cover, revealing 3 yellow orbs and one purple crystal. This is what he got from [Observe].

    ————————————————————————————

    Skill Orb: Gamer’s Body

    Type: Consumable item

    Skill Orb: Gamer’s Mind

    Type: Consumable item

    Skill Orb: Telekinesis

    Type: Consumable item

    Crystallized Lore

    Type: Item

    ————————————————————————————

    “Wait what? Crystallized Lore? Isn’t this material to level up your servant?” Kirschtaria asked as he grabbed the orbs and the crystal.

    ————————————————————————————

    Crystallized Lore

    Type: Item

    Description: A highly pure crystal of magic created when human history crosses a stream of Mana. It can be said that it is the ingredient for materializing Heroic Spirits.

    ————————————————————————————

    “This is interesting…With this, I can theoretically create a body for my servant when I join the Great Holy Grail War that is.” Kirschtaria muttered, while putting the crystal back into his [Inventory] and crushed the Skill Orbs. “And the skills are also good too.”

    Skill Gained!

    [Gamer’s Body] – Passive | Level MAX

    Allows you to live in a body like a game’s character.

    Cost: None

    [Gamer’s Mind] – Passive | Level MAX

    Allows you to have a calm mind and think like a gamer.

    Makes your mind immune to external influences.

    Cost: None

    [Telekinesis] – Active | Level 1/100

    Allows you to control objects at distance.

    Effect: Can control objects up to 1KG in a range of 10M.

    Cost: x2.5MP the weight of the object.

    “Unfortunately though I still can’t use [Teleknisis] as I don’t have MP unlocked.” Kirchtaria sighed and went to the wardrobe to change his clothes.

    He frowned as soon as he opened the wardrobe as he saw several sets of heavy clothing that nobles used to wear.

    ‘Neither I nor the previous one liked to wear those stuffy clothes. I will ban the use of them in the family when I have enough power.’ Kirschtaria thought as he used his previous memory to grab something he used to wear and wore it.

    “Time to meet my new family.”



    The maids opened the doors and Kirschtaria entered the dining hall of the mansion.

    He was immediately greeted by the smell of the food and the sight of a long rectangular table where his other family members were gathered. The end of the table was reserved for the head of the family and the seats near would be arranged according to their importance in the family.

    The 11th Generation of the Wodime family, in other words, Kirschtaria’s grandfather was the current head, so he sat at the end of the table. Kirschtaria’s parents sat neat him.

    A maid led Kirchtaria to his seat.

    “You are late, Kirschtaria. It’s shameful for a member of Wodime to arrive so late.” His father commented with an arrogant and mocking tone.

    “I apologise, I have no excuse for my tardiness.” Kirschtaria, already using [Acting] to hide his annoyance. His father was the only one that had some ominous towards him, while his mother and grandfather were standing on the neutral ground like a typical magus family. Then he secretly checked [Relationship].

    ————————————————————————————

    Johan Wodime

    A-25/O0/R20

    Thoughts about you: Due to his inferior complex and his lack of talent in Astromancy Magecraft, he uses you as a target to vent his frustration, but can’t do anything beyond verbal. Hopes you to be a failure like him.

    Aria (Animusphere) Wodime

    A20/O10/R30

    Thoughts about you: Although she is your mother, she doesn't act like one toward you, but she hopes you don’t end up a failure like her husband.

    Jacob Wodime

    A30/O15/R50

    Thoughts about you: Has high hopes for you to inherit the family’s Magic Crest and Wodime’s Astromancy Magecraft. Excited to discover your talent in today’s ritual.

    ————————————————————————————

    ‘So my mother was from Animusphere! That explains how Kirschtaria became Marisbury’s disciple despite being from different families!’ Kirschtaria thought and he was surprised and then panicked a little, but on the outside, he maintained a stoic expression. ‘And what’s the ritual that Jacob wants me to participate in?’

    Aria and Jacob stayed silent as always and Johan clicked his tongue seeing there was no reaction from his son and grunted something inaudible before going to mind his own business again.

    The breakfast went silent much to Kirschtaria's fortune since he used this time to organise his thoughts about the future. Once they finished their meal, Jacob called his grandson.

    “Kirschtaria.” He called him.

    “Yes, grandfather.”

    “Return to your room and prepare yourself. Meet me when you are ready in front of my workshop. We will unlock your magic circuits today.”
    Kirschtaria perked up at his grandfather’s words, but he used [Acting] to not show any emotion.

    [Acting] has levelled up!

    “Yes, grandfather.” He bowed and returned to his room.

    Johan groaned in annoyance at the side and returned to his workshop while Aria remained to see her son.

    Once Kirschtaria was alone in his room away from prying eyes, he grinned excitedly that would oppose the stoic face ha maintained earlier.

    ‘Finally, I will be able to take a step ahead for my survival!’ He surely wasn’t excited to perform ‘Magic’, not at all.


    *Knock* *Knock*

    “Grandfather, I am here.” Kirchtaria said after knocking on the door. He used his previous memories to guide himself to his grandfather’s workshop.

    “You may enter.” He heard Jacob’s voice inside and opened the door. Once he entered, Kirschtaria saw several books and paper sheets that had complicated formulas and drawings on them, but he didn’t stare them too much to not anger his grandfather.

    Jacob was waiting for him alone. He looked at Kirschtaria for a moment and nodded. “Take off your upper clothes, I will unlock your Magical Circuits first.”

    Kirschtaria nodded and removed his coat and shirt, leaving his upper body visible to anyone. Then Kirschtaria sat in front of Jacon, exposing his bare back at him.

    “Brace yourself, this will hurt a little.” Jacob said and placed his hand on his grandson’s back. Cyan lines appeared in his hand and sent Od towards Kirschtaria’s back.

    Then like a ripple, several cyan-coloured lines appeared over Kirschtaria’s body and gasped in pain.

    ‘Shit, I feel like my body is boiling up from inside!’ Kirschtaria gritted his teeth in pain and tried to hold his scream.

    “You are doing great, Kirschtaria. Focus on my voice. Breathe in and breathe out, slowly.” Jacob instructed and also counted the number of his Magical Ciruits at the same time.

    MP unlocked!

    You have unlocked your 95 AMagic Circuits of A+ quality!

    For taking a step into Moonlight World, your INT and WIS will raise slightly!

    “95 Magic Circuits and all of them are high quality!” Jacob exclaimed in surprise and ended up laughing madly, creating a contrast from his previous calm self. “Finally a genius is born in Wodime!”

    ‘While it’s nice to be proud of your grandson, shouldn’t you help me here?’ Kirschtaria thought, but he obviously couldn’t voice them out. While he was currently looking like a medium rare steak, Kirschtaria calmed down and deactivated his Magic Circuits.

    He groaned in pain when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

    “Return to your room and get some rest. We will start your Magecraft lessons tomorrow.” Jacob said back to his Wodime head persona.

    Kirschtaria merely nodded and walked out of his workshop, in the direction of his room.

     
  8. Brainstorm813

    Brainstorm813 Know what you're doing yet?

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    Argh! Really could have done without the ROB, it reads fairly cracky too.
     
  9. Merlin

    Merlin [Verified Idol: Magi☆Mari]

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    First and most important advice:

    Starting a thread in this section like you did and taking hours to post the real story is a red button that is guaranteed to lose potential readers who are disappointed or even upset that there is no story. When a user receives a notification you create an expectation, when there is no story the user will feel their expectation betrayed. What you have done is not as if it were prohibited or anything but it is considered annoying and is discouraged.

    I am not giving you the talk or recriminating you, just alerting you to a bad practice.

    In other themes I recommend you to use the NSFW section even if your story is SFW, this section is not very popular around here.
     
  10. MrHeartless

    MrHeartless Getting sticky.

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    I see, thank you for advice
     
  11. shakeval

    shakeval Versed in the lewd.

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    Looks interesting, but overall not much actually happened yet so there isn't much for me to comment on.
    Gamers can be fun little ways to shake up the natural order of a setting, their natural bullshit can certainly outperform like nothing else.
     
    SIMPDESTROYER1 and Rimu like this.
  12. 00loner

    00loner Depress , motivated ( may be )

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    What's wrong with numerical stats ?
     
  13. 00loner

    00loner Depress , motivated ( may be )

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    This seems like a downgrade . Generating quests only according to wishes but not also with situation will have some important quests not being generated .
    Can you explain what these things mean ? I don't understand much .
     
    Kay Redfield likes this.
  14. Xcell

    Xcell Know what you're doing yet?

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    (Relationship: Allows you to check your relationship with other beings. It’s divided into Affection/Obedience/Reputation. It will also display their thoughts about you.)

    This is creepy. As it's basically the ultimate invasion of privacy and on top of that it's basically a self-help system because apparently the main character can't manage his own personal relationships without it because he's probably autistic or something. He should feel insulted that a higher God like being thought he needed something like this. Even if what I'm saying is a little off base this type of thing only belongs in a smut fic and having it here sends the message to viewers that this is a smut fic without directly saying it.

    (Dungeon: Allows you to enter a complex labyrinth that contains countless treasures across its infinite floors.)

    Ugh how to even begin to say this. Maybe I'm just tired of seeing dungeon in gamer fanfics. But it feels like too many story's just end up using this as a convenient tool for the main character to use to escape to get a convenient power up until pretty much nothing's a threat and there's no tension in the story and a lot of the time nothing relevant happens in these dungeons that anyone cares about because it doesn't progress the story in any meaningful way outside making the main character becoming an op Gary stew or Mary Sue whatever with no strong character development.

    The only time I find dungeons entertaining anymore inside fanfics is when they're uniquely themed like for example I was reading this Naruto story where there were Pokemon in the dungeons and the main character could catch them. Instead of the typical monsters like goblins and stuff. And I guess another add-on to this is that I don't enjoy it when the main characters can just jump into a dungeon whenever. As personally I found it more enjoyable to read story where they main character has to enter the dungeons from specific spots.

    (Multiverse Travel: Allows you to travel to other worlds in the Multiverse.)

    Huh I honestly can't say I've ever read a multiverse travel fanfic story I liked. If I had to try to put a reason to it. I'd say it's because it's hard to become invested in a story where the main character can just bounce to another universe and all the conflict in the story never sees any real resolution or it's not seen to the end.


    A another problem that usually crops up with this is the main character's jump between so many universes and have so many different storylines going it's hard follow and care about the story as a whole.

    And the last problem with this type of thing is each story plot for each universe ends up being so fast-paced it's hard to care about it. As no real time is spent on developing characters or the story in each universe it ends up being more of a summary than a story.

    Anyway I tried my best to contextualize my thoughts here and feelings but I'm really not that good at it. Sorry if I'm a little off base here. But I'm just so sick and tired of seeing this in fanfiction. As most of this is either overused or not a good idea that people keep perpetuating. As the whole multiverse travel thing is like the worst idea in fanfiction.
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2023
  15. Renzo

    Renzo Getting sticky.

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    The A\O\R is a comon complement to gamer system, the gamer mind usually turn you into a semi autist
     
  16. Xcell

    Xcell Know what you're doing yet?

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    That's a misrepresentation of gamer's mind that fanfic authors have perpetuated from The source material or simply used to justify their main character being a psychopath.

    As the original gamer's mind was only supposed protect the user from freaking out during battle and from being mentally manipulated through like magic and stuff and they could totally freak out about the Battle afterwards.
     
    Darcksage likes this.
  17. Fahim11

    Fahim11 Not too sore, are you?

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    Author I have high hopes for your story, considering he can travel the multiverse will you please send him to campione verse, I mean Kirchtaria can kill gods with his magecraft and there are no gods or age of the gods texture in nasuverse nor is there any profit from slaying a god in nasuverse, on the contrary there is practically royalty waiting for someone capable of slaying a god in campioneverse
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2023
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