Wait a Minute... (Guy in Worm with Trouble in Terrorist Town powers)

[Phili]

Chapter 30: Seriously, Don't French Kiss a Rabid Animal, Just Eat A Petri Dish

January 8, 2010, Friday. Brockton Bay, Pelham House, Living Room.



"The Pokemon watch party crew had assembled in full. There was Shielder and his harem, composed of his older sister, his sister's hot friend, his gamer girl cousin who gave her bathwater to a stranger, his non-gamer-girl cousin who did not give her bathwater to a stranger, and a monkey with a nose even more glorious than that of Squidward. Also present, was Magical Girl Vista, recovering from her injuries, who was here to be sensually nursed back to health by Shielder's Harem of Hotties ™, with the power of magical cockfighting of friendship. Hehe, cockfighting, with a harem."

Everyone stared at Dave.

"Trouble? Why are you narrating in the third person?" Crystal asked sweetly.

"I don't think that's the important thing here." Bella told her friend.

"Oh no, the important thing was this." Crystal agreed with a sweet smile on her face, as she released a full-power laser on Dave's face, at the same time as Vicky's fist smashed into his head.

He died instantly, wondering what he had done to offend anyone.

---

By the time Dave resurrected, they had already started watching Pokemon. They were beginning again from the first episode for the sake of Vista and Amy, though Vicky and Eric hadn't seen the early episodes in a long time either.

Dave, upon resurrecting, simply turned into a Pikachu in a highly successful attempt to deflect any remaining anger for whatever mysterious thing he had done to cause offense to some of the people present. It worked, but at the cost of being passed around the room to be manhandled and squeezed and squished by the various people present.

It was rather rude really, considering they were eating his burritos and hotpockets while they ate lunch. But, such was his lot in life as a simple Pikachu.

After the first episode was over, Vista seemed to feel a strange obligation to say something.

"Doesn't this seem a little immature though?" She asked the room. "Like it is meant for younger kids or something?"

She turned to see the three legal-adult-aged Pokemon enthusiasts of Dave, Crystal and Bella, staring at her.

"Listen, Vista." Dave began, still in his Pikachu form. "If you think not being interested in cool elemental attacks, interesting tactics, and themes of friendship and growth, both as a person and in one's chosen field, isn't something adults appreciate… uh… boy have I got news for you."

"Vista," Crystal began, "Just because it's a cartoon originally targeted at kids around your age, doesn't mean older kids or even adults can't appreciate it. On Earth Aleph, this franchise is popular with people well into their forties or fifties in Japan. Although…" She smirked a little. "The way you said that kind of reminded me of a much more recent character, we won't get to her for a long while though."

"Oh!" Vicky perked up. "I think I know exactly who you mean. You're right! Little V does give off that exact vibe sometimes." She smirked a little.

"Who is it?" Vista asked, wondering if they were pulling her leg.

"She's named Iris, her goal is to be a Dragon master." Crystal said.

"As in a parahuman Master that controls dragons? She's evil?" Vista questioned.

"No! Bad Vista!" Vicky gently chopped her friend on the head. "There are no Parahumans in Ba Sing Se—I mean in Pokemon." She coughed. "They—as in Parahumans— aren't very big on Earth Aleph anyways, and Pokemon doesn't take place on any Earth. The lack of the obsession with Parahumans in fiction is part of why Aleph media is so good. Master just means a master of one's craft, not a parahuman category. In this case, a Dragon master would be someone who has mastered the training of and battling with dragon-type Pokemon, which are regarded as one of the strongest, if not the strongest type. It's supposed to be something cool little V!" Vicky explained exhaustedly to the uncultured Bet native, who was even younger and had even less exposure to fiction that wasn't intertwined with parahumans' existence.

"So, she's cool?" Vista asked.

"Well…" Vicky waffled. "You'll see when we eventually get to her. She doesn't show up for a long time though. You have a lot in common with her. She's young, but in the games, she becomes one of the strongest people in the world." Vicky settled on.

Vista still wasn't sure if they were mocking her somehow, but from the description she had been given, Iris did sound kind of cool. But she wasn't sure why Vicky was so sure she had things in common with her.

---

---

---

January 9, 2010, Saturday. Brockton Bay, Dave's Apartment.



Dave woke up, went through his morning routine, and prepared his breakfast bagel, tea, and orange juice.

Good Morning Dave!

So, you got some decent growth yesterday, going on a hike, exploring nature for the first time, spending time with friends, all that good stuff is good for the soul. You've unlocked a couple more items, so you might want to check those out, and a few other item's have gotten 'upgraded' so to speak, to become more useful. And of course, you've got a new role today. That role is: Possum! Now, instead of having a device that you need to use to play dead, you can instead actually play dead at will, and choose whether you will automatically play dead whenever you take damage or not, as well as manually playing dead even without taking damage. While you are playing dead, you appear identical to how you would if you were actually dead, and are completely ragdolled and limp. As a bonus, you have the same near-immunity to rabies as a real possum does. Unless you French kiss a rabid animal at the foaming-mouth stage, you're probably not going to get rabies. Don't do that anyways, even if you do want rabies. If you really want rabies, just eat one of those little petri dish things that has a rabies sample growing in it or something. If that's not how rabies works, uh… Listen, I don't know how biology works, I don't have any. Leave me alone!

Dave nodded his head as he spread cream cheese on his bagel. Possums are cute, he thought happily.

---

Upon receiving a text message from Crystal on his hero phone, Dave sent a reply, prepared his things, put on his game face, and teleported to the Pelham garage.

Before entering the living room, he took a deep breath to center himself. He knew he shouldn't be worried, he had a solid history, he always nailed first impressions, and the case was airtight. He went in, dramatically slamming open the door as he did so. Inside was the entirety of New Wave.

"—why you can't have tinkertech burritos for every meal." Brandish, or more importantly here, Carol Dallon, was saying to her daughter, Glory Girl, or more importantly here, Victoria Dallon.

"Don't respond." He told his client. "She's trying to bait you." He turned to the opposition in his case. "Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney." He introduced himself. "I think you will find my client has an airtight case in this instance milady." He said smugly as he handed Vicky his briefcase. "Victoria, please allow the prosecution to examine evidence item A. She will of course find, that this case, is completely airtight."

Carol stared at him.

Nailed it.

Vicky handed over the briefcase he had brought to her mother. Carol took one look at it, hefted it up, realized it was empty, brought out a laser sword, and poked a hole into the side of the briefcase.

"It seems like there's pretty significant airflow to me. I feel like I've already busted this case wide open in fact." Carol said with a straight face.

Oh shit. Finally, A CHALLENGE! Dave thought with excitement.

"I think you will find that there are two kinds of lawyers in this world we live in. Chairs, and bees. And I feel we truly show which one we are when we are fighting for the things we believe in." Dave said passionately.

"What?" Eric whispered to his sister from the side. "That doesn't even make sense. It has nothing to do with anything that's been said so far."

"I know." Crystal whispered back, munching on a popcorn-filled burrito. "That's the key: 'baffle them with bullshit.'"

Crystal knows what I'm about, now let's see if my opposition can figure it out too. I must fight to defend my client's right to bizarre burritos, to the death if necessary, like a true lawyer.

"And which are you?" Carol asked back, trying to find his angle.

"Both of course! The only lawyer in the world to be both a chair and a bee." He gestured to himself. "As you can clearly see." He finished smugly with a rhyme.

Carol decided to change track. "The defendant must build good nutritional habits. Otherwise, if she ever loses access to the Health Station for a significant period of time, she will be more inclined to simply eat random junkfood."

"OBJECTION!" Dave slammed the table. "My client has never in my presence consumed a single piece of junkfood. I am legally an adult, and therefore at least eighteen years old, and I have known my client for 6/9ths of my life. Therefore, my client has not consumed junk food in at least twelve years. And given the age of my client, she cannot be held personally responsible for things that occurred over twelve years ago, as the ethical responsibility would fall on her parents for enabling any junk-food-eating at such an age!"

"Heh, 69." Eric giggled next to Crystal, having obtained his own popcorn burrito by this point.

Carol rolled her eyes at Dave's impeccable logic, but made her argument anyways. "And did you spend every waking moment of the twelve years you claim to have known her in her presence? People show different sides of themselves to different people in their lives. I have personal eyewitness testimony of at least six eyewitnesses that can testify to witnessing the defendant eating junk food."

"Objection! Hearsay!" Dave shouted.

"That's not how hearsay works." Carol said flatly.

"And how would you know? Who here is the ace attorney, known far and wide?" Dave asked rhetorically, for the answer was obvious.

"Me." Carol said.

"Objection!" Dave slammed the table again. "Who here has heard of the glorious name of Phoenix Wright?" He asked the jury.

Eric, Crystal, Vicky, and Neil all raised their hands.

"And of the people who are familiar with both parties, I ask this question: who would you say is more renowned throughout multiple dimensions?" Dave asked.

Neil shrugged, while Eric, Crystal and Vicky all dutifully pointed at Dave, who looked smugly at the confused Carol.

"You see, while you may have the advantage of being a local celebrity, I, Phoenix Wright, am known throughout multiple Earths and countries on various Earths since I gained my license in 2001."

"This has no relevance to the case." Carol said after realizing she didn't know enough about the subject to effectively argue on it. "The defendant is a legal minor, who's brain is still in the growing phase, and needs to build good habits for later in life, not start associating microwave burritos with healthiness."

"Any young person in the modern era with easy enough access to it, is going to consume junk food. Is it not for the best that said junk food actually be healthy, and in fact healing for them, at least some of the time?" Dave countered.

"Not if it also results in a subconscious association between junk food and good health, when access to the healthy junk food is not guaranteed at all points in her future." Carol stated.

And back and forth the debate between two seasoned, definitely real lawyers went.

















Author's Note: Ahh, there we go. It didn't actually occur to me until I started writing the chapter, but Vista and Iris from Pokemon actually have a lot in common. The youth, the strength, and the obsession with seeming more mature than they are because of their youth, and people not taking them seriously despite their strength because of how young they are.

I feel like watching fiction, particularly shonen anime type things, from Earth Aleph, is probably actually one of the most productive ways a Parahuman on Earth Bet could possibly spend their time. A parahuman's only reliable way to actually become stronger, is to be more creative. And, the easiest way to do that, is of course to expose yourself to creative ideas of other people, and use them as inspiration, or even just try and copy them. As just about any isekai protagonist can tell you, the power of anime is strong, because it lets you have ideas that captured the minds of generations around the world, and with whatever the local power source is, one can try and make those ideas come to life without having to come up with them entirely on their own.

I like the idea that the younger generation on Earth Bet have circles that are really into Aleph media because Earth Bet media is obsessed with Parahumans, because that is still really weird and unique and interesting to the older generations who never grew up with the idea that Parahumans were just a fact of life.

Dave meets Brandish for the first time. Brandish is trying to get Vicky to stop eating nothing but Health Station burritos, because Vicky has been flying to the Pelham house every morning to use their Health Station to get burritos; Crystal, the local chaos gremlin, objects to this and decides to solve it by calling in Dave, the foreign chaos gremlin.

Brandish/Carol is largely playing along just to use this opportunity to personally gain Dave's measure, and see how he reacts to things; though she does enjoy having an opportunity to have a bit of fun with her profession. That Dave wasn't petty when she was petty and destroyed his briefcase gave him a lot of points in her eyes. I was actually quite worried about introducing Carol, because she's a difficult character to get right because of how different each side of her is, between Lawyer, Hero, Sarah's Traumatized Sister, Vicky's Loving mother, and Amy's Evil Stepmother. Things have been going on in the background with New Wave though, as you might remember Crystal and Sarah noticing things with Amy earlier on, though the exact details are yet to be revealed.

According to Wikipedia, Pheonix Wright's first appearance was in 2001, thus the line about that being when 'Phoenix Wright' gained his license. Vicky discovered Phoenix Wright in her youth because of having a lawyer parent, she wanted to understand her mom's work better, and looked to Aleph media to find something less cape-oriented she could enjoy to help her understand lawyering better. Then, Vicky shared Phoenix Wright with Eric and Crystal (Amy wasn't interested because of her poor relationship with Carol), and they occasionally mention it which is why Neil had heard of it, but wasn't super familiar with it. As someone known on Earth Aleph and Earth Bet by multiple people, Phoenix Wright is objectively an interdimensional celebrity, and therefore more famous than Carol.

You might also notice that mentions of Iris don't make a ton of sense given that the games and anime of Gen V didn't come out until later in 2010, to which I say: yes, but they are talking about the Earth Aleph versions, not our Earth versions, and the production was a little different, resulting in things like Iris already being a known character, and the knowledge through trailers for the Black and White 2 games that Iris will become champion of Unova, even if those games hadn't actually been released yet.

Also, second page on reader mode! Woo!

 

[Phili]

Chapter 31: Offering To Make Hot Furry Exhibitionism Porn In Front of The Bay

January 9, 2010, Saturday. Brockton Bay, Protectorate Headquarters 'The Rig'.



Dave was flying in his Solid Snake form to the Rig, together with Crystal, Carol and Sarah to discuss... things with the Protectorate. Unfortunately, he was the slowest flyer by a fair margin, Dave's Jetpack wasn't actually very fast in comparison to the dedicated flyers. The item itself was better though, if not faster, than it would have been by default since it left his hands free, and his Old Man combat Thinker power made him unlikely to kill himself with it, or to accidentally trigger the PhD Flopper with it.

After the three of them landed, they were taken into two groups by the staff, Sarah and Carol went one way to talk to Miss Militia, while Dave and Crystal were led towards Armsmaster. Sarah was there to talk about Vista's situation, and propose that the PRT live up to their reputation of PR being the most important letters by having Victor officially labeled a human Master, as Dave had proposed during the review of his fight with Hookwolf. Carol was with her to assist with legal advice and show solidarity.

Dave was here to talk with Armsmaster about Tinker things and check on Vista, and resupply her if needed, and Crystal was here to supervise Dave in case he got any ideas.

They were led inside by the staff member, where someone was waiting for them.

"I can take them from here." Triumph told the staff member, who nodded and wandered off to do whatever staff members did.

"It's good to meet you, I'm told you go by Trouble, I'm Triumph, leader of the East-North-East Wards." Triumph reached out a hand. Dave took it and shook it enthusiastically with both hands.

"Nice to meet ya George, nice!" Dave told him, moving his hand around enthusiastically in the handshake with each syllable he spoke.

Triumph turned to Crystal, blinked, and turned back to Dave. "Um, my name isn't George, and even if it had been, it's best to refer to Capes by their Cape names while they are in costume, even if you are aware of their identities." Triumph politely, but confusedly, told him.

"That's what they all say." Dave said, and patted Triumph on the shoulder consolingly, just making Triumph more confused.

"Um, anyways," Triumph decided to push on and say what he originally planned to say anyways. "I just wanted to thank you for helping Vista. She is an important friend of mine, and it means a lot to me, and the other Wards, that she is safe."

Dave turned to Crystal. "Help! He's shoving feelings at me! I do not comprehend!" He cried out to her.

"He appreciates the sentiment, but he felt it was his duty as a hero, and he would have done it for anyone, regardless of the thanks he got." Crystal kindly translated to Triumph.

"Um, sure…" Triumph said. "Anyways, while Armsmaster is finishing up his tasks, I thought you might like to see Vista. She isn't allowed to do any Hero duties, so she is just in the Wards lounge hanging out at the moment." He said as he began to lead them down a hallway.

They arrived at… a room!

"It's a room!" Dave exclaimed in realization.

"Very good Trouble." Crystal patted him on the head.

Triumph pressed a button to the side of the door and explained, "The button I just pressed sets off a sound inside, letting all the Wards in there know that there is a guest and that they should put on their masks."

"Neat." Dave commented. Crystal remained silent, having already been familiar with all of this.

After waiting a little longer so any Wards inside could have as much opportunity as needed to put a mask on, Triumph opened the door and led them in.

"Hey guys," Triumph greeted the room. "I have with me Laserdream from New Wave and Trouble, the independent hero."

Dave and Crystal waved.

Vista perked up from the corner and walked over to greet them, while Clockblocker, Aegis, and two other boys looked up from a corner with a TV where they were playing a video game.

The boys paused their game and came over as well.

The two boys Dave wasn't familiar with were wearing mostly normal clothes with domino masks.

"Hi!" One of them greeted. "The two of us are new Wards, and as you can see, we don't actually have our costumes ready yet." He explained with a friendly smile. "I will be going by Gallant after I debut, and my friend here," he pointed at the other one, "is undecided on his hero name, but is currently leaning towards Kid Win."

"I'm Clockblocker, and the big guy over there is Aegis, nice to meet you!" Clockblocker introduced himself and Aegis, and reached out a hand for Dave to shake. Dave shook it, and froze.

"Hah, works every time." Clockblocker smirked. Vista, Triumph and Gallant looked disapprovingly at Clockblocker, Kid Win looked relieved that he wasn't the only one to get this treatment, then looked guilty for feeling relieved, and Crystal just had a look of eagerness on her face that disappeared very quickly as she hid her inner chaos gremlin.

After only around thirty seconds, Dave unfroze, then crumpled to the ground, dead.

"Uh, what?" Clockblocker was confused, then started feeling panicky and guilty as Triumph rushed over to feel Dave's pulse on his neck.

"I can't feel any pulse," Triumph said as his training kicked in. "Did Panacea come?" He asked Crystal, who shook her head with a solemn expression. "Either way, Aegis grab the first aid kit, Gallant call the on-site medical staff."

"What the fuck did you do?" Vista shouted at Clockblocker as she stomped over to him threateningly.

"I didn't do anything weird." Clockblocker raised his hands. "I just used my power normally. You saw me do it!" He exclaimed. "You've seen me use my power hundreds of times; it's never done anything like this," He defended himself. "I just thought it was weird how quickly he came unfrozen. The minimum is thirty seconds, but it seemed like he was only frozen for just barely under thirty seconds, but I wasn't keeping track of it exactly. Shit, was this some kind of weird power interaction?"

As that was happening, Triumph picked up Dave's body to carry him to the medical bay when Dave's arms wrapped around his neck.

"Oh my," Dave said sensually in his Solid Snake voice. "My hero. You're a little furry for my tastes, but I suppose lions have needs too, and I am nothing if not an accommodating damsel." Dave finished his statement by giving a smooch to the nose of the Lion of Triumph's helmet. "What do you say we take this outside and give the people of Brockton their first show of real-life furry exhibitionism porn?" Dave proposed.

Triumph dropped Dave like he was radioactive, Clockblocker screamed at seeing Dave, 'resurrect,' while Gallant was confused at what his power was telling him. Crystal just sighed and hid her mental giggles behind a mask of seriousness by using her wealth of experience of acting innocent, while Vista laughed at both Clockblocker and Triumph's shock. Clockblocker because he had the tables turned on him, and Triumph because she had never seen him so flustered.

"Trouble…" Crystal said slowly, "you technically just sexually harassed a minor."

Dave looked at her with confusion from the floor. "I didn't know musical scales had embodiments or personifications on Earth Bet I'm afraid. Any offense I caused to the A Minor scale was completely unintentional I assure you." He told Crystal seriously.

Crystal gave him a flat look, despite giggling internally. She was very well practiced at not showing how funny she found things after all; she needed that skill to get away with shenanigans. "I meant Triumph."

"Triumph! You were leading me on all this time? I thought we had something special! After millennia of innuendos and euphemisms between our peoples, it was going to be a true Romeo and Juliet scenario when we finally had hot furry sex in the bay! And you weren't even a lion all this time? You were actually a musical scale! How could you betray me like this?" Dave sobbed out.

"What were the two peoples that had millennia of innuendos and euphemisms?" Clockblocker asked with interest.

Dave gave him a look as if he was a particularly slow child… which was fair considering he was a child and he was literally called Clockblocker. "Cat and Mouse obviously!" Dave said, and transformed into Tall Pikachu, then turned on the butt.

Tall Pikachu:

Spoiler: Tall Pikachu, Real Image and Important Moment From Video

Link to the first ever Tall Pikachu video: https://youtu.be/jhfFsnAOpb0?list=PL3XZNMGhpynP4rbJJGg3NIpZJHB5QRVC1&t=20

Link to Tall Pikachu video at moment a few seconds before Pikabooty: https://youtu.be/jhfFsnAOpb0?list=PL3XZNMGhpynP4rbJJGg3NIpZJHB5QRVC1&t=124 This is what it is referring to when it says he turned on his butt.

"As you can see, there is a good reason cats have been wanting a piece of this ass for as long as human history has been recorded." Dave explained as he slapped his own ass.

Vista facepalmed. Gallant, Kid Win, Clockblocker and Aegis screamed. Triumph died internally. Crystal laughed like a hyena.

I truly am the best at first impressions. Dave thought to himself with satisfaction.









Author's Note: Tada! Stuff! Just a short lil' chapter while I try to build my backlog back up. Today (8/16/26, when I write this) I only uploaded a Behind The Scenes thing instead of a chapter for the first time, and I don't want to need to do that too often. I think my goal will be to always have at least something uploaded each day, with exceptions for exceptional circumstances of course (ie, if I have no internet for some reason, I obviously can't upload anything), but most days, I will probably have a chapter to upload, even if it isn't necessarily super long.

You may have noticed Triumph calling Trouble an independent hero in this chapter. You might also remember, that Trouble didn't actually get that categorization because he wasn't willing to give up on his guns, and he didn't have very many nonlethal options when he did his power testing. What's going on here, is that the Protectorate and PRT are pulling slight shenanigans behind the scenes, by not telling the Wards about his official status as not-an-independent-hero, because that makes them look bad for being so eager to work with him… which they are, because they really want his stuff, particularly the Healing Stations, and they have no idea how far up he is going to scale, so they want to remain on his good side if possible since they can't exactly kill him, and they don't have a way to contain him without trying to shove him into a Gray Boy bubble or something.

Thus, they are hoping he will soon become an Independent Hero and/or PRT affiliate by joining the Protectorate or New Wave, or forming his own team as a PRT affiliate like New Wave currently is, and that Triumph's current incorrect label will go unnoticed. If anyone does notice it, they can just hand-wave it as Triumph misunderstanding because he is a Ward and Dave's actual status is rather complicated, and now that the other Wards have been told by Triumph, they have a fairly long chain they can use for plausible deniability if any of the Wards call Trouble an Independent Hero in public and it gets out that that isn't his actual status.

We meet Wards! The Possum role gets used to play dead! I'm sure the Possum role's ability to fake death won't cause any confusion among people trying to figure out Dave's abilities. We meet Tall Pikachu again, this time featuring that Pikachu ass. You guys better be grateful for that picture, I couldn't find one of the booty that wasn't in the video, and I still haven't figured out how to make QQ show pictures from my desktop instead of needing it to be from a URL. This means that I tried to search for an online image of Kirsty's Pikachu booty.

Yes, I now have 'Yogscast TTT Pikachu Ass' in my search history.

 

[Phili]

Chapter 32: In Which Crystal Cleans Up Dave's Mess and Concludes Being an Adult Sucks

January 9, 2010, Saturday. Brockton Bay, Protectorate Headquarters 'The Rig'.



"It jiggles." Clockblocker whispered to Aegis as they took repeated glances at the glorious Pikabooty while Dave talked with Vista.

"I know, it's… kind of unnatural." Aegis commented.

"It's like it's flapping in the wind, but there isn't any wind." Clockblocker agreed.

Dave bounced in enthusiasm mid-conversation with Vista and everyone paused to watch the Pikachass jiggle and bounce for the next five seconds.

"So," Dave said to Vista, "I was thinking, and I realized, I didn't give you enough toys, so…" Dave pulled out some toys.

"This, is a Pocket Sniper Rifle. It's not actually small enough to put in your pocket, but it is the smallest sniper rifle I have, and your power might be able to let you fit it into a pocket. This is a defuser, it defuses bombs, I'm sure Miss Militia will be happy to teach you how it works. This is a Lift Grenade. It's a grenade, and when it goes off, everyone caught in its radius will go up, and up, and up, for about 50 feet, at which point they will fall. You will know it is armed because the top will glow bright neon green." Dave began explaining each toy as he handed it to her.

He had just unlocked the Lift Grenade yesterday. It was a normal item not from any of the buy menus, but it was rare like the minifier, so he didn't have very many yet.

"And this, is a crowbar, just like mine." Dave said as he handed it to her.

She waggled it. "Yes, as you can see, it is floppy. Waggle it at your enemies as needed. It is stronger than a normal crowbar when you hit someone with it though, so if you encounter a ganger of some sort, aim for the limbs, not the head unless you want to kill them, in which case aim for the head, then for the other head so they die in pain." Dave explained helpfully.

"Also, you can do this," he demonstrated with his own crowbar, "to shove someone with it without needing to touch them. I haven't tested it yet, but I suspect it will even work on Fenja and Menja, though it would only shove them by about the same amount I just shoved you. It's great for pushing people off of bridges and cliffs though, no fingerprints." He winked at her.

"Oh yes! On that topic," He recalled. "The flare gun I gave you, in addition to shooting up flares and setting people on fire, I forgot to mention. Its original purpose was actually to destroy bodies to erase evidence. So, if you ever need to hide a body, just shoot the body with the flare gun and it will set the body on fire, then completely erase the body from existence after around… ten or fifteen seconds." Dave said then patted Vista on the head.

"If you are nice and responsible with these toys, I will give you better ones later. And if you can demonstrate that you can survive falling from a great height consistently without harm, I will give you special toys, including a jetpack." He promised.

"Oh yes, one last toy." He recalled and pulled out two identical pistols. "I'm sure you remember this one." Dave said. Then handed one to Vista, and pointed the other one at Clockblocker and shot him with it.

Clockblocker froze in place, still conscious and seeing, but completely unable to move.

"It's not quite as good as Clockblocker's power as I just experienced, but it works from a range. You've only got three bullets in that, so use them wisely in case you run into Nazis again." Dave said, patting her on the head again.

Vista rolled her eyes and grumbled about being treated like a child, but put up with it in exchange for the guns and toys and promises of more.

Clockblocker unfroze, and promptly decided to hide behind Aegis for now until the scary sexy Pikachu left.

Triumph put a hand up to his helmet's earpiece and nodded after a moment. "Trouble, it seems like Armsmaster is ready for you, and he wants Kid Win down there too."

"Huh, I wonder why… unless… are you a Tinker Kid Win?" Dave asked Kid Win as they walked out of the doors of the Wards lounge.

---

Crystal Pelham

Crystal watched as Dave left in his 'Tall Pikachu' form as he called it, to go talk to Armsmaster with Kid Win. He can handle being without my supervision for a few minutes. I'm sure it'll be fine; I just need to clear up the mess he left behind with the Wards.

"So, Clockblocker, have we learned anything today?" Crystal asked sweetly.

"Uh… changers can awaken strange things in teenage boys?" Clockblocker tried to be cheeky. Heh, cheeky, just like that Pikachu, no wait, straight face Crystal.

"No, we already knew that. Try again." Crystal did her best to channel her mother's tone when her mother was dealing with her shenanigans.

"Uh… I think the intended lesson might have been to not use my power without warning on friendly Parahumans in case there is a poor power interaction that harms someone." Clockblocker said, showing he could in fact use his brain, even while a pretty older girl was glaring at him.

"Very good," she said in her best patronizing tone of voice. "Now, as he was trying to teach you in his own weird way," pfft, as if the thought of teaching went anywhere near Dave's mind. That was all pure impulse. "You shouldn't make assumptions in general when it comes to parahumans. As he is very proficient at showing, parahumans can be hard to predict."

"Yes Laserdream!" Clockblocker saluted. Well, as long as he buys that it was intended to be a teaching moment, I'll be able to mitigate any harm people might try to cause Dave with what he pulled here. I'm so glad he told me about the Possum role this morning, knowing about that makes this so much easier.

"Now, Vista… as I'm sure you are aware, I'm going to have to tell Miss Militia about your new toys." Crystal gave Vista the bad news, and Vista's eyes turned wide and she protectively hugged her grenades and guns.

"No! They will take them away!" Vista said defensively, then noticed the entire room looking at her, and coughed. "I mean, that seems unnecessary. I can just tell her myself, and she will surely understand the necessity of having them remain with me." Vista said, obviously—to Crystal at least, who was experienced in pulling this kind of thing—planning to not tell Miss Militia about all of the things she received so that she could guarantee being able to keep some of them.

"Panacea was planning to learn to use firearms soon as well, so if you can't get lessons from Miss Militia or Challenger, just send me or Glory Girl a text and New Wave will get you set up to take lessons with her. I'm sure the Protectorate will leave the freeze gun and the flare gun with you, so improving your aim will only help you regardless, even if your power will let you hit otherwise impossible shots even if you don't train; and if you show good enough firearm discipline, you might be able to wrangle permission to use other guns as well." Crystal placated Vista. She didn't actually know how likely it was that Vista would be able to use regular guns, but she could probably get permission to use one of the PRT foam ones given the extreme synergy they had with her power over space. At the moment, Crystal's biggest concern was taking away the Pocket Sniper Rifle from the preteen with power of space.

Man, being an adult sucks. Crystal groused in her head as she turned to Gallant to socialize a little with the new parahuman. I feel like a politician, I have to meet people because it is important that I know them, not because I want to get to know them. Ugh.

---

After talking with the suspicious 'Tinker' who somehow already found out his specialty, Crystal turned to Triumph to handle the last part of Dave's mess.

Seriously, maybe it's because I've just been dealing with Dave and we discussed earlier the possibility of disguising him as a Tinker, but I'm pretty sure this Gallant guy isn't actually a Tinker. I don't even think he's a new trigger. Maybe he triggered a while ago and is only just now enrolling in the wards? His powers kind of remind me of Vicky's aura too, maybe the Protectorate and PRT just want to disguise him as a Tinker to not have to deal with a human Master label? I know that was why aunt Carol fought so hard to get Vicky rated as a shaker instead of a Master, the stigma there is just absurd; but it feels like it's just asking for trouble to fake having an extra Tinker available, someone is bound to notice eventually that not as much tinkering happens as three Tinkers would imply, or that the guy never goes into Tinker fugues.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe this guy is a real Tinker. If so, they've already given him a significant diss by not inviting him with the other new guy, Kid Win to talk about Tinker stuff with Dave's meeting with Armsmaster and Dragon. Nah, taking that into account, there's no way this guy's a Tinker, he absolutely would have been in that meeting if he was.

I'll think about this later… actually, no I won't, I'll dump all this on Mom and Aunt Carol, and stop thinking about it at all. For now, I just need to handle Triumph and the 'exhibitionism furry porn' comments and the kiss on the costume's nose. I'm so glad Triumph is such a boy, he absolutely could have raised a fuss about that, but I guess guys don't care about it as much? Wait… I'm pretty sure he mentioned he was on a sports team, don't guy's sports teams famously slap each other on the ass and stuff? The kiss on the lion costume's nose might have not even registered as possible sexual harassment to him then if that's what he's used to.







Author's Note: Here we go, another chapter, still shorter than I've been doing while I build my backlog back up after being sick. In this one, Dave arms a small child with firearms and explosives, and we get a Crystal POV, yay! If you couldn't tell from my signature, I like reading alternate POVs to see what other characters think about the main character, but I've found actually writing that is rather hard with this story, because it barely makes sense as it is, without Dave's point of view to see some of his thought process it would probably read as pure gibberish a decent chunk of the time.

In Crystal's POV we get to see a real-time example of some of what New Wave has been doing for Dave in the background, and some of the lessons Sarah has been instilling in Crystal now that she is an adult superhero who is being trusted with more responsibilities. Crystal managed to get out of even more responsibilities being piled onto her by her mother by being in college though… perhaps that was Crystal's plan all along?

Crystal finds Gallant very suspicious after spending time in the past week thinking about how she might disguise Dave's powers as being a Tinker if needed.

Crystal tries to figure out how to handle Triumph getting his costume kissed on the nose without Dave getting in trouble for sexually harassing a minor. She concludes male sports are probably borderline homo-erotic enough that it might not have even registered on Triumph's radar as being sexual harassment, since the slapping on the ass thing doesn't seem to get any attention that she's noticed. I don't know why it happens either, I stopped playing sports before I got to the butt-slapping stage, but I guarantee anyone who isn't aware that it does happen… a lot, look it up if you don't believe me, the internet is just as confused as me on why it happens.

I've started exploring an idea in the past few chapters, and that idea is keeping a few of Dave's more recent items hidden from the readers for the sake of building… suspense? I hesitate to call it suspense because I don't think of suspense when I think of "well, is he going to pull out a remote-controlled super sheep or is he going to pull out a can of magic beans that make you have deadly farts when you move your arms a certain way?". I kind of like this, because then I don't have to keep spending time explaining each new thing as he gets it before he gets an opportunity to use it and the story can move on a little more quickly. We'll probably see him using an item once or twice without context, then get an explanation for what exactly he did and how shortly after. I'm sure there's a name for that particular writing technique, but I don't know what it is, so until I find out said name, I get to pretend it's an original writing technique that's never been used before by any of the tens of millions of people that have tried writing throughout human history.

 

[Phili]

Chapter 33: Dave's Got a HUUUUUUUUUUUGGE Proposal!

January 9, 2010, Saturday. Brockton Bay, Protectorate Headquarters 'The Rig'.



Dave and Kid Win met with Armsmaster in his lab on a lower level of the Rig. Dave… hadn't actually paid any attention at all to where he was going on the way there, he was too distracted trying to stare at his own Pikachooty to see it jiggle as he walked, and failing because it just didn't jiggle properly while he was twisting himself around that much.

"Ah, Trouble, Kid Win, come in." Armsmaster said upon seeing them. He didn't even blink at seeing Dave's Tall Pikachu form, resulting in a little pouting from Dave.

"Dragon and I were just discussing the proposal you mentioned Trouble regarding the teleporters with a hub located in Brockton Bay." Armsmaster said.

"Yeah, I just had a Eureka moment yesterday, and thought of that with my teleporters. If it isn't a good idea, do let me know though, because that would be a pretty massive investment on my part, and I haven't actually worked out the logistics needed to make it work." Dave admitted. "I did get something else that might work instead, and I had a proposal for both you and Dragon, and Kid Win now that I know he is here, and a Tinker."

"Go ahead." Dragon's voice came from a speaker.

"So, I got access to a pretty cool item recently that would let me build large structures extremely quickly, but would do little in terms of small-scale precision or things like plumbing or electricity. Then, I got a Tinker power yesterday." Dave began.

"A Tinker power? Truly?" Armsmaster asked. "That's quite interesting, even Eidolon has never been shown to be able to get a Tinker power, it is extremely rare for a Trump to be able to grant themselves one."

"Yes, it feels like it is going to be very unusual to get that type of thing from my power, at least for the foreseeable future, my power becomes less clear on what it can give me when it comes to things further in the future." Dave said. "Anyways, perhaps because of the unusual method I got it, it seems a little different from what I know of normal Tinker powers. I knew my specialization right off the bat, and I started off with an item to help me get started. I've had lots of ideas for it, some of which are quite powerful, but I'm having trouble getting started because I can't get through the 'build the tools to build the tools to build the tools' phase, because my specialty is so far removed from the tools I need to use to make a lot of the bigger projects I could make."

"Hmm." Armsmaster hummed. "What was your specialty?"

"Mud. I've had ideas for things I could make that include synergies with my other powers, more healing items, beautification treatments, a variety of mud bombs to cause things like hydroplaning, as well as improvements to my normal teleportation items, among other things." Dave explained.

"That sounds quite useful." Dragon's cheerful voice came through the speaker again. "I'm glad you weren't discouraged by a specialty like Mud. I'm of the firm belief that any Tinker specialty can be powerful and useful, and I like to consider myself something of an expert."

"Indeed, though I'm not sure why mud would be considered weak. It is a significant part of the natural world, and can be devastating in many circumstances, and has been a tool used in civilizations across the globe for thousands of years." Dave said. "Anyways, to jump ahead a bit, I was thinking of making a place in the woods near Brockton that could serve as a large-scale Tinker lab. From what little research I've had time to do, there hasn't been anything like this in Brockton before, but Protectorate areas with enough Tinkers will sometimes have things along these lines, if not as ambitious." Dave began to outline his plan.

"I could build the outline of it within a single day, and I'd be happy to contribute to defenses as I get more and more items and abilities. It would provide a way to lure ambitious, cooperative, Tinkers to the Bay, as my research tells me Tinkers grow substantially by working together. The main thing I would gain, would be access to tools I can use to start things off along with permission to actually build the place. I don't have any way to do things like build my own centrifuge, and any more exotic 'tools to build the tools to build the tools' that only a Tinker could make would be out of my reach entirely if I couldn't buy them, and that would lock me out of many things I could potentially make, as well as any hopes of larger-scale production."

"That…" Armsmaster hesitated. "This would require a lot of funding that I simply cannot provide. I have a limited Tinkering budget that is provided by the PRT, and I cannot risk lowering my effectiveness by being unable to perform the needed maintenance on my projects while such a base is being built. Though I am interested in the concept." He admitted.

Armsmaster continued. "I can tell you from experience that your research was correct, working with other Tinkers is an excellent way to progress and gain inspiration, and when I worked under Hero with the other foremost Tinkers in the country, the shared Tinkering space and the many tools we had access to saved a lot of time and money. For example, something one Tinker only uses once a month might not be worth getting at all for them normally, thus lowering their effectiveness because they can't use it if they don't have it, but they will be able to use it freely if another Tinker that uses that same device every day already has one on hand and is willing to lend its use for an hour or two."

"Well…" Dave paused, "perhaps I should put it like this. I am willing to use my Health Stations and other healing technologies and items and abilities to get funding from rich individuals for whatever I need or want. I'm sure you've read Lady Photon's report on the Health Station at least, but unlike New Wave and Panacea, I'm perfectly happy to let a billionaire that isn't complete scum of the Earth throw money at me to heal them with the power of burritos. That was actually something I was hoping to ask Dragon for help with, a list of decent-ish people I could heal and get funding for projects from, since I assume the Guild has a list of charitable donors or something from around the world that they can vouch for in terms of character and want to have continue living so they can keep funding the Guild."

"Anyways, I don't really see any way that plan wouldn't work out, given how rich I've heard of Scapegoat being, and even if someone tries to throw NEPEA-5 at me, leaving aside that I don't think it applies here, I guarantee it wouldn't apply anymore after billionaires found out it kept them from being healed." Dave outlined his reasoning for how he was confident in gaining wealth.

"Thus, after I get that settled… which will be another thing I was going to ask Dragon for, someone the guild vouches for that can handle things like paperwork and contacting said billionaires for me.

Anyways, after I get that settled, I will be able to contribute:

• The bulk of the building itself, as well as materials for the building itself,
• Funds,
• Defenses for the building,
• A continuous supply of exotic items to be studied and used by Tinkers that are willing to help with the project,
• And eventually, a mud-based teleport network that would have a central hub within the Protectorate Headquarters and a secondary backup hub within the base itself.

And what I would want in exchange would be:

• Legal permission to build the base,
• Utilities such as electricity, plumbing, doors, and someone competent to help actually design the building itself,
• Tools to let me actually do my Tinkering,
• Permission to look at other Tinker's projects for inspiration,
• Someone else to fill out the paperwork.

How does that sound?" Dave asked.

"Why am I here?" Kid Win asked for a moment.

"You're a Tinker, aren't you?" Dave asked. "You would be one of the Tinkers using this if it actually happens, of course you get input."

"Indeed," Armsmaster confirmed. "I asked for you to be here because you are also a Tinker, even if you haven't found your specialty yet. You will eventually need to be able to deal with these kinds of things on your own after you graduate from the Wards, but for now, I just wanted to let you have a little experience with seeing proposals related to Tinkering, though I admit I wasn't expecting anything this large-scale."

"Oh?" Crystal asked sweetly as she walked in. "So, could you tell me then… why is Kid Win here but Gallant, his fellow Tinker is not?" She asked sweetly.

Armsmaster displayed an impressive poker face, while Dragon remained conspicuously silent and Kid Win displayed an impressive 'oh shit' face, visible even through his mask.

Dave displayed an impressive Surprised Pikachu face.













Author's Note: Here we go, another chapter, still shorter ones while I build my backlog back up, before we go back to the length of 'however long I feel like but trying to average above 2k words per chapter'.

To let you in on a little secret… I hate cliffhangers. I fucking despise them. My version of a Chuuni middle school phase was when I came up with all sorts of elaborate torture methods I wished upon the person who invented cliffhangers… and the person who invented suspense (I didn't mind Alfred Hitchcock style suspense, because that was done well, he had a whole thing he talked about occasionally about how if you spend time in a story showing a bomb about to go off that the characters don't know about, you should never, ever have that bomb go off; he had that bomb go off once in a story and he said it was one of his biggest ever mistakes as a writer. I didn't mind it when that metaphorical bomb didn't go off in a story, but cliffhangers? Oh boy I wished all sorts of forms of creative things on the people that propagated those. I've chilled out a little by now, but cliffhangers are the main reason I mostly binge stories now, I rarely read one chapter at a time and I do my best to look at things like what the latest chapter title is to try my best to avoid cliffhangers. If needed I will even glance at the last few lines of the latest chapter to judge if it is a cliffhanger because I would much rather be spoiled than get a cliffhanger).

Ahem… I went on a tangent; my point was that I try to avoid major cliffhangers in writing… Though I probably don't succeed by all standards, I do try quite hard to make sure there are no major cliffhangers; so something like an Endbringer fight will likely end up as one massive chapter rather than a bunch of little ones as a result. Anyways… We see Dave's big proposal in this chapter. Armsmaster is interested, Dragon is interested, Kid Win doesn't know why he's there!

Suspicious Crystal walks in! Crystal uses Sarcastic Implication! It's super effective! Armsmaster uses Poker Face! It would have been super effective, except Kid Win used 'Oh Shit' Face, and changed the effectiveness to be not very effective.

Detective Crystal is on the case! But not for very long because she hates the case and wants to shove it off onto her mom! Will she succeed? Find out next time! Not really, it probably won't actually be answered next time.

The chapter title is based off of a scene in Moulin Rouge where the main character's friends are spying on him when he is reading poetry to a prostitute, and the one that can actually see what's happening tells the others 'He's got a HUUUUUUGE talent!" I was originally going to make that joke about my author's notes, but decided I liked it better in the chapter titles instead.