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Wish upon the Stars (Original Superhero cultivation sci fi litrpg)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Malcolm Tent, Mar 19, 2022.

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  1. Malcolm Tent

    Malcolm Tent Monkey with a typewriter.

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    I based it on my grandmothers recipe, though I was purposefully vague. Her chicken and dumplings was amazing, and was always better eaten immediately lol.
     
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  2. john764

    john764 Know what you're doing yet?

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    Understandable.
    I just personally like chicken dumplings to be exactly that without a bunch of other additions since that's the way my family did it when I was growing up.

    Now, on letting it set in the fridge a day or two after cooking it, I can guarantee you you're missing out on that my friend. By letting it sit overnight, or even a full day, you let the flavors all marry together to make it more than it was before.
     
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  3. insertname099

    insertname099 Not too sore, are you?

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    I am in it for this worldbuilding, man. If the capital city also ready has a population of 100 mil, what's the total pop of the planet? Actually, what's the average pop of the plants under Unity's control, and how many planets does he control? The factions are interstellar, but are they intergalactic?
     
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  4. unimaginable232

    unimaginable232 Getting sticky.

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    I mean even without magic/high level cultivator bullshit adding to it beyond making terraforming presumably easier, if we go with the biggest organizations having like 10% of the galaxies planets each then they are looking at like 10ish billion planets each with what's looking like real high trillions/quadrillions maybe of people on average on them if the current planet is the equivalent of the boonies. So basically functionally infinite either way.
     
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  5. insertname099

    insertname099 Not too sore, are you?

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    Hoh, that's not a decision to make lightly... 2 can keep a secret only if one is dead, and in this world of Cultivation and Magic, probably not even then. Even making contracts to protect himself wouldn't help against a psychic-type cultivator... looking forward to seeing how you handle this.
     
  6. Kappsa

    Kappsa Making the rounds.

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    Yo just got finished reading all the current chapters and this is genuinely novel worthy with how much lore and intrigue this universe has in such a short amount of time
     
  7. WinterPhoenix

    WinterPhoenix Versed in the lewd.

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    One of these is the wrong way around. Probably the first one, considering the second matches the numbers listed.
     
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  8. insertname099

    insertname099 Not too sore, are you?

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    Clever, we might be starting to see the inklings of a focus here... from the start, he's always preferred payments in memories/skills, that's how he got his current video game build in the first place. Collective generstional learning... go long enough and he could easily be an entire planet's peoples' knowledge in one person, heh
     
  9. raisins

    raisins why not

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    One of these seems wrong.
     
  10. Leroidumonde

    Leroidumonde Know what you're doing yet?

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    Just a nice relaxing day. You fool. Why do you dare the universe like that.
     
  11. Random Fisherman

    Random Fisherman Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

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    Honestly dude, i'm really loving this story! Having read all you stories on QQ now, watching how much you have grown as a writer is kinda amazing! Keep up the good work!
    Also, I thought he got Lesser Inventing from Benny's memories?
     
  12. WinterPhoenix

    WinterPhoenix Versed in the lewd.

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    That was a very unexpected twist, which wasn't just shoehorned in to subvert expectations. That's heckin rare, great job.
     
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  13. Consumer

    Consumer I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Was it? I was kinda expecting it from the first moment I heard about missing kids. Like, ah so those kids that return are the sleepers.

    Anyway I’m so glad I was able to stock up like 50 chapters, this is one of my favorite stories to binge.
     
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  14. Leroidumonde

    Leroidumonde Know what you're doing yet?

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    No how could they lie, that's not nice, in fact it's bad how could the bad guys lie. You are blowing my mind right now.
     
  15. Consumer

    Consumer I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I know right? It’s just unthinkable. Sweet chapter Malcolm.
     
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  16. insertname099

    insertname099 Not too sore, are you?

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    Huh, so the HR club is supporting another Wish candidate, or is this a whole nother thing people are being chosen for?
     
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  17. raisins

    raisins why not

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    I doubt he's made enough waves for other candidates to know about him from his own actions, or from general searching. If it is another candidate, they are somehow getting leaked info from within WCP. I think the theory that it's connected to his parent(s) is more likely.
     
  18. Consumer

    Consumer I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Man you gotta wonder what the MCs dad did to get on these guys shit list.
     
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  19. Consumer

    Consumer I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Goddamn nearly a 6.5x multiplier, that’s pretty insane. So I’ve been wondering this, is his doom sovereign character linked to the DS mastery skill? Can he use skills that don’t belong to any of the classes his DS character has? Maybe it would be beneficial to learn stuff like healing just in case one of his team gets injured and they don’t have time. Basically my question is, can he learn all the skills from doom sovereign classes? It kinda seems like he should be able to cause it’s doom sovereign mastery, not whatever his class is called mastery.
     
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  20. raisins

    raisins why not

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    Someone deliberately made a monster, that people want killed because it's valuable. Sounds more like someone trying a monster farming scheme than a terror plot.
     
  21. insertname099

    insertname099 Not too sore, are you?

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    Congrats on the 100th chapter!
     
  22. Blundo

    Blundo I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Enjoying the story a lot so far, nowhere near caught up yet, only on Chapter 55. There's just one thing that makes me really cringe, and it's how hard the protagonist simps and makes excuses for Shadowthorn. Not unrealistic, it's hardly rare for guys to treat hot sad girls with undeserved kid gloves, but christ it's rough to read stuff like this:
    Like sure, maybe this would be true if Shadowthorn was a total stranger, or if Midknight straight-up raped her, but no. She chose to whore it up with a married guy, and chose to play best friend to the girl whose life she was knowingly choosing to help tear apart. If she'd played the distant mentor role it'd be one thing, you could argue she owes nothing to a stranger and never pretended at being anything more. But pulling what she did puts her at least within shouting distance of Midknight (from the information presented as of 55) as far as responsibility and shittiness is concerned. Sure she "feels bad about it", but who gives a shit? She's still with the guy, and her attempts at friendliness come off as a self-indulgent attempt to have her cake and eat it too.

    The last part makes her more distasteful to me, not less. Say someone abuses you, sends you into the hospital in agony, and you never really fully recover from some of the injuries. Then they periodically show up acting all apologetic and wanting to be best friends again, while still occasionally beating you (but they act super sad about it!) Fucking gross behavior, almost worse than someone who just says "Yeah I hate you and want to hurt you whenever possible lol".

    Sure, she shouldn't be harmed or anything, but being sad and guilty and losing some friendships forever (and perhaps the relationship turning out less fulfilling than she'd like) in an otherwise pretty good life is better than what she deserves. It'd be one thing if this was "yeah she's trash and Midknight is even bigger scum" but treating her like some poor little woobie based on what he knows feels grotesque.

    Edit: Forgot to mention the other obvious factor: That her sticking with him as he pulls his manipulative shit (and taking part in it) makes her complicit in it. Literally the only thing which could turn my view of this character around is if it comes out that he's flat-out threatening her into compliance.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2022
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  23. Malcolm Tent

    Malcolm Tent Monkey with a typewriter.

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    She was a teenager who got manipulated by someone much more powerful than she was. The difference in Focus and Perception alone make the entire thing pretty shady on his part. I personally sympathize with her, but enough people disliked it that I scrapped the redemption arc. As far as I'm concerned he was the one who broke his vows, all she did was have sex with a guy she liked. Sure he was married, but that's his business not hers.

    I've been cheated on before, and I didn't have any particular animosity toward the guy who did it. He didn't know me or have a reason to give a shit. I know that's not the average view on things, but I only really think people are responsible for themselves. The person in the wrong is the person who agreed to stay faithful and didn't. If my partner doesn't respect our relationship why would I expect a stranger to do it?

    Regardless like I said people weren't fans so I scrapped the arc. She's mostly kind of faded into the background in the recent chapters.
     
  24. Blundo

    Blundo I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I wasn't aware there had been discussion of it. I was just reading the story and had a strong enough reaction to it that I decided to make a post. Sorry if this has just been retreading old ground.

    Honestly I think the "she wasn't the married one" reasoning falls extremely flat when she chooses to become a friend to the daughter then continues the affair. At that point she is knowingly causing harm to somebody she does profess to give a shit about. It's no longer some stranger. That's before one even questions the fundamental premise that you don't owe a stranger a basic level of decency. Consider the following scenario: You are walking down the street, and two strangers are coming the other way. They pause, and one of them says "Hey, I'll hold onto my friend here while you punch him in the face, then we can split what's in his wallet." You don't know the guy, you don't have a reason to give a shit about him, and the friend's betrayal is absolutely worse. If their friend doesn't respect them, why should a stranger? And yet I think most people would agree that you'd need to be a total piece of shit to go along with the plan. Nearly everyone I know would much rather get punched in the face and lose a wallet than get cucked by their spouse or discover their dad was having an affair with their best friend. Knowingly participating in an affair is being the person who agrees to that plan.

    Unless the stats rise to the level of outright mind control (in which case like I said, flat-out rape), meaning she quite literally could not say no, she's garbage. Another person being an even bigger piece of shit doesn't change that any more than the existence of Ted Bundy excuses a lesser killer. And that's just the affair itself, not even the disgusting attempts to still be friends. That's a situation where anyone with even the scantest trace of decency would understand that they need to let the other person choose to rekindle things (and accept that they quite likely never will) rather than inflict their presence upon them. Plus the whole 'staying with the father and participating in his manipulation of his daughter' thing.

    Still, if you've scrapped it I guess there's no point me going on about it. Good to know, I was worried that it might become a big part of where the fic was going based on the most recent chapters I read.
     
  25. Malcolm Tent

    Malcolm Tent Monkey with a typewriter.

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    Her relationship with Callie was more in the vein of a prospective step mother trying to become friends with her. She was a mentor and a friend and she protected her because Midknight is a controlling dick but she did genuinely teach Callie and help keep her safe. She became her friend under false pretenses, but she does actually care, she just didn't really have a way to get out of the situation she was in without hurting someone, and getting pregnant kind of made the call for her.

    As for the stats...it's not exactly mind control, but the ability to detect even slight shifts in microexpressions and body language combined with the ability to process those changes with superhuman brainpower makes you an expert manipulator. It's like having constant access to a lie detector and a team of people to help you plot out how to use that information.

    You also need to understand that Midknight pretty much by necessity heavily isolated Annie by singling her out. He deprived her of any sort of support system and burning that last bridge with Callie was basically severing her last connection. What real option did she have but to stay with him, especially given they have a kid together and he has the political and economic juice to take Eric if he feels like it.

    specifically he singled her out because he wanted to have a kid with another Shadow attuned Ascendant with hopes of getting one with a stronger power. That was his main goal, and he went to quite a bit of trouble to manage it. Granted that hasn't come up in story, but that's why I blame Midknight, because while Annie was a stupid impulsive teenager who got manipulated, Midknight KNEW what he was doing, and he did it on purpose. Seriously, he is a HUGE asshole.
     
  26. woodzrox

    woodzrox Not too sore, are you?

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    Hmm, a time stop power?
     
  27. Gijine

    Gijine Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

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    Wait, can't Wish be used to undo the brainwashing on Cark's sister? Also I am betting that the puppetmaster is one of the students
     
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  28. perfectgeneral

    perfectgeneral Know what you're doing yet?

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    I wonder is the puppet effect fades once the "master" is dead or will they need a countermand?
    Remember that girl Shane gave Lesser Puppetry as a wish?
     
  29. bamba12

    bamba12 Not too sore, are you?

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    "His eyes burned with intensity" - isn't a viable phrase, "Eyes burned with intense ___ (insert emotion here)" is but "burned with intensity" doesn't work cause intense what? Intensity is an adjective it doesn't have a meaning on its own.
    Additionally, even "burned with intense hate" is a meh phrase cause "eyes burned" already signifies how strong the hate in case of this example is so adding "intense" would be redundant, lots of writers do that, just pile on adjectives, sometimes less is more.

    I am curious why no one ever shared memories or skills, just gave away, it's as good a payment as giving it up but more people would be willing to do it.
     
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  30. Grobydoes

    Grobydoes A humble pervert

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    push to F?
     
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