Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
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- Dec 1, 2016
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10th October 2013
10:19 GMT -5
Mr. Tuckman steps out of his office, sees me, sighs, and then turns to his secretary. "Jeanette, clear my schedule for the next hour."
"Certainly. Reschedule?"
"Ah… It's not that big a deal. See if you can get one of the Associates to take it."
"Certainly, Mister Tuckman."
"If the client won't accept that…" He leans over her shoulder to examine his diary. "Next Wednesday?"
"Of course."
"Right." He turns away and walks towards me. "Freeman told me you were coming."
I stand, raising my left eyebrow. "You don't have to sound quite so much like a condemned man on his way to the scaffold."
"No. I don't. What is it you want?"
"I want to make sure that there aren't any shenanigans in-"
He splutter-laughs.
"-volved-. What?"
"This is Washington, Orange Lantern. 'Shenanigans' are how it works."
I frown. "Even now?"
"Not as much, because there's not as much money moving around. Bribery is a buyer's market right now."
"Not as many pork barrels to dole out."
"It's more that the League's checking the accounts."
I nod. "I heard about the arrest."
Because with the League's funding being the thing keeping governments worldwide going, normal 'you can't arrest us' laws have stopped applying. The rest of them don't want the money to get cut off, which is what would happen if they made a fuss. Senator Leahy probably wasn't doing anything that wasn't business as usual, really, but no one wanted to stick their neck out for him during a crisis like this.
That situation isn't going to last much longer… Or maybe it will? Tax income is going to be well down from what it was, even after the Sheeda Incursion. The legislation that Congress was encouraged to pass before they received Justice League money would still be in place… Would it? There wouldn't be much appetite in the country for removing it, but would that stop them?
"Look, I'm just trying to do away with the symptoms of Alzheimer's. The device isn't even all that expensive. I'd like to retain the services of your firm in overseeing the approvals process."
"Is it a drug?"
I shake my head. "A wearable device. Technically it's a cybernetic, but nothing gets implanted. It backs up a person's memory to bypass the failing parts of the subject's brain."
"Okay. Is someone already championing it, or do I have to start from nothing?"
"Senator Monetti got it to the starting gate."
"Monetti? Darn, he's usually one of the easy ones to get on board."
"Oh? I don't know the man all that well. Is he interested in the medical industry?"
"When they're donating to his political action committee."
"Ah. More so than usual?"
"Most representatives look out for companies in their constituency first. That's kind of their job. Monetti isn't so fussy. He'd advocated for just about anyone."
"This is going to make me ill, isn't it?"
"I don't see why it would. Corporations aren't politically biased. They donate to both side of the aisle, so I figure it cancels out. And all the PAC donations are a matter of public record. It's the non-financial stuff that used to bother me."
"Pledging support on things that don't affect their core interests in return for reciprocity?"
"Some of the time."
I snort. "And to think, this is the body I was concerned that the Justice League would replace."
He blinks, craning his neck a little towards me. "Excuse me?"
"Oh, it-. I was concerned that with the League doing more things without reference to the government, Capital Hill would gradually lose authority. Thank you for curing those worries."
He frowns in nervous curiosity. "How would that even work?"
"Ah… I don't think there's a plan for that, but it would probably… Start with magically binding oaths of office, minutes for all meetings with lobbyists…" Huh. "You know, there's a type of demon you can bind to a menhir who will teleport to anyone who breaks the law within the city and then stab them to death. Ah, insider trading would be illegal for politicians, obviously-."
"I'm sorry, can we go back to the demons?"
"No theft or violence, without fear or favour. There are some negative side effects too, but the ritual's not exactly well known and it's probably not fully optimised. Ah, the rationalisation of America's alphabet agencies, investigations of historic corruption of all public offices…"
I shrug.
"Not sure about the second week. Maybe throw a rugby ball around?"
Mr. Tuckman takes a few moments to absorb that.
"Ooh! We could replace the supreme court with an elemental of pure law bound to the constitution! No more political influence at all. It wouldn't even have to be sentient. But that's-" I shake my head. "-probably a terrible idea."
"Okay. So-. Okay. Do you know why Senator Monetti got behind this?"
"His mother has Alzheimer's. Presumably in the early stages. And I'm training his daughter."
"Training..?"
"As a superhero." He frowns. "She doesn't have a secret identity; her skin's silver and she's been using her powers publically for months."
"Okay. How involved do you want to be in this whole thing?"
"As much as I need to be. Though… Maybe I should stick around and put the fear of God into the federal government? If the corruption is as bad as you're implying. It's a worthwhile use of my time."
"Are you..? Asking me?"
"Yes?"
"You do know I work for Lex Luthor?"
"Yes, I spoke to him before coming here. You were highly recommended. Just think of all the money you'll be saving him in donations if I'm successful."
"That wasn't-. Yeah, okay. Okay, my first suggestion is that you talk to Missus Monetti, maybe get her to do a publicity piece about how it's changed her life. Personal testimony to newspapers from someone suffering from a common condition is hard to beat in terms of good P.R.. And I'll… Get started on the rest."
"I'll do that. Thank you."
10:19 GMT -5
Mr. Tuckman steps out of his office, sees me, sighs, and then turns to his secretary. "Jeanette, clear my schedule for the next hour."
"Certainly. Reschedule?"
"Ah… It's not that big a deal. See if you can get one of the Associates to take it."
"Certainly, Mister Tuckman."
"If the client won't accept that…" He leans over her shoulder to examine his diary. "Next Wednesday?"
"Of course."
"Right." He turns away and walks towards me. "Freeman told me you were coming."
I stand, raising my left eyebrow. "You don't have to sound quite so much like a condemned man on his way to the scaffold."
"No. I don't. What is it you want?"
"I want to make sure that there aren't any shenanigans in-"
He splutter-laughs.
"-volved-. What?"
"This is Washington, Orange Lantern. 'Shenanigans' are how it works."
I frown. "Even now?"
"Not as much, because there's not as much money moving around. Bribery is a buyer's market right now."
"Not as many pork barrels to dole out."
"It's more that the League's checking the accounts."
I nod. "I heard about the arrest."
Because with the League's funding being the thing keeping governments worldwide going, normal 'you can't arrest us' laws have stopped applying. The rest of them don't want the money to get cut off, which is what would happen if they made a fuss. Senator Leahy probably wasn't doing anything that wasn't business as usual, really, but no one wanted to stick their neck out for him during a crisis like this.
That situation isn't going to last much longer… Or maybe it will? Tax income is going to be well down from what it was, even after the Sheeda Incursion. The legislation that Congress was encouraged to pass before they received Justice League money would still be in place… Would it? There wouldn't be much appetite in the country for removing it, but would that stop them?
"Look, I'm just trying to do away with the symptoms of Alzheimer's. The device isn't even all that expensive. I'd like to retain the services of your firm in overseeing the approvals process."
"Is it a drug?"
I shake my head. "A wearable device. Technically it's a cybernetic, but nothing gets implanted. It backs up a person's memory to bypass the failing parts of the subject's brain."
"Okay. Is someone already championing it, or do I have to start from nothing?"
"Senator Monetti got it to the starting gate."
"Monetti? Darn, he's usually one of the easy ones to get on board."
"Oh? I don't know the man all that well. Is he interested in the medical industry?"
"When they're donating to his political action committee."
"Ah. More so than usual?"
"Most representatives look out for companies in their constituency first. That's kind of their job. Monetti isn't so fussy. He'd advocated for just about anyone."
"This is going to make me ill, isn't it?"
"I don't see why it would. Corporations aren't politically biased. They donate to both side of the aisle, so I figure it cancels out. And all the PAC donations are a matter of public record. It's the non-financial stuff that used to bother me."
"Pledging support on things that don't affect their core interests in return for reciprocity?"
"Some of the time."
I snort. "And to think, this is the body I was concerned that the Justice League would replace."
He blinks, craning his neck a little towards me. "Excuse me?"
"Oh, it-. I was concerned that with the League doing more things without reference to the government, Capital Hill would gradually lose authority. Thank you for curing those worries."
He frowns in nervous curiosity. "How would that even work?"
"Ah… I don't think there's a plan for that, but it would probably… Start with magically binding oaths of office, minutes for all meetings with lobbyists…" Huh. "You know, there's a type of demon you can bind to a menhir who will teleport to anyone who breaks the law within the city and then stab them to death. Ah, insider trading would be illegal for politicians, obviously-."
"I'm sorry, can we go back to the demons?"
"No theft or violence, without fear or favour. There are some negative side effects too, but the ritual's not exactly well known and it's probably not fully optimised. Ah, the rationalisation of America's alphabet agencies, investigations of historic corruption of all public offices…"
I shrug.
"Not sure about the second week. Maybe throw a rugby ball around?"
Mr. Tuckman takes a few moments to absorb that.
"Ooh! We could replace the supreme court with an elemental of pure law bound to the constitution! No more political influence at all. It wouldn't even have to be sentient. But that's-" I shake my head. "-probably a terrible idea."
"Okay. So-. Okay. Do you know why Senator Monetti got behind this?"
"His mother has Alzheimer's. Presumably in the early stages. And I'm training his daughter."
"Training..?"
"As a superhero." He frowns. "She doesn't have a secret identity; her skin's silver and she's been using her powers publically for months."
"Okay. How involved do you want to be in this whole thing?"
"As much as I need to be. Though… Maybe I should stick around and put the fear of God into the federal government? If the corruption is as bad as you're implying. It's a worthwhile use of my time."
"Are you..? Asking me?"
"Yes?"
"You do know I work for Lex Luthor?"
"Yes, I spoke to him before coming here. You were highly recommended. Just think of all the money you'll be saving him in donations if I'm successful."
"That wasn't-. Yeah, okay. Okay, my first suggestion is that you talk to Missus Monetti, maybe get her to do a publicity piece about how it's changed her life. Personal testimony to newspapers from someone suffering from a common condition is hard to beat in terms of good P.R.. And I'll… Get started on the rest."
"I'll do that. Thank you."
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