HappyHappy (part 12)
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Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
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1st September 2013
15:43 GMT -6
"…fine, as far as I can tell." Katar looks up from the thanagarian diagnostic scanner's control console. "But I'm afraid that our equipment isn't reliable when it comes to magic."
Shayera is silently leaning against the wall at the side of the room, mace in hand and eyes locked on me.
Bleez raises her head up slightly. "I feel fine? Is this a real problem? 'cause I've had managers pull their feathers out about my health before? But I'm kinda getting stressed out over how freaked out Paul is."
"Bleez, I'm not freaked out. I'm worried about you."
"It sounds like you're freaked out."
"If I were freaked out, we wouldn't have come here."
"Oh yeah? Where would we have gone?"
"Nowhere. I'd have performed an emergency brain transplant on you right then and there."
"You.. wh-at?"
"Which would be a problem, because I don't have any Nth metal. You'd be unable to fly until I could get hold of an uncontaminated source. And then I'd have to go through your newly rehoused brain with a fine toothed comb, draining any energies I didn't recognise, which might cause other problems because we don't have great records on what happens when thanagarians are exposed to magic beyond the fact that you're somewhat compatible, Thasaro-cultists and their Blessed Ones notwithstanding."
"That's not going to happen." She looks at Katar. "That's not, right?"
"I can't think of any reason why it would. Shayera and I have both been exposed to different forms of magic before, including demon magic. Though… I'll.. admit that I haven't consumed an untested alchemical potion before."
"I didn't know that's what it was! I just thought it was some kind of recreational thing."
"Um."
Katar turns to me. "You have a question?"
"I never asked what thanagarian attitudes towards narcotics in general were. But to a hu-. Ah, me, that.. statement makes me think that I should."
He turns back to the console. "Alcohol is a narcotic. As is tobacco. As is caffeine. I've heard of worlds where refined sugar is illegal. I thought you were better travelled than this."
"I generally stick to consuming readily identifiable food substances with as few psychoactive properties as I can manage."
Bleez looks puzzled. "You've seen me drink alcohol before."
"And coffee, yes, but we're on Earth and I know Earth-drugs. I also know that Katar and Shayera have drunk both of those before without extra ill effects. You've been using something novel."
Bleez's wings brush up against the scanner arms as they spread a little into a 'I can swoop at you if I have to' pose. "I didn't know that. I know some narcotics are super-dangerous and I haven't touched them, but I saw people using this and nothing much happened so I thought it was okay."
"Bleez…" I walk up to the scanner, kneeling down so that our heads are on a level and looking her directly in the eyes. Then reach past the sensor arms and take hold of her hands,. "Please be a little more careful. Earth might look normal a lot of the time, but things can go sideways very quickly and with no warning. If you don't know what a weird mind-altering substance is, please check with someone first."
Her wings relax a little, and she nods. "Okay. Okay."
"Thank you." I take a U.K.-recipe Dairy Milk bar out of subspace and offer it to her. "Have a properly tested narcotic instead."
"Ooh, have you got one of the caramel ones?"
"Ah." I swap the Dairy Milk for a Caramel bar. "Sure?"
"Thanks." She opens the wrapped and chomps the end off the bar. "H-h-h-h-h, refined sugar."
I stand up and step back, rolling my eyes. "But seriously, no sign of adverse effects?"
Katar shakes his head. "None. Are you expecting some?"
"Report's not in the system yet. The magic which makes the patches work went badly wrong for one of the people who took it and we don't know why yet. Could be that it can't happen to aliens, could be that it's more likely, we don't know."
He thinks for a moment. "I thought that lifeforms who did not originate on Earth would be less susceptible to some types of magic effect."
"Yes, but that usually doesn't work out in their favour. Let me guess…"
I fabricate a piece of paper with 'Less intense but lasts longer.' written on it, fold it in half and pass it to Katar.
"Bleez, did you compare the effect of the narcotic on you to the effect it had on the humans you saw using it?"
"Kind of? I wasn't doing an experiment or anything? I don't think it had quite as much for me as it did for them? But I kept feeling happy for the whole day, but for them it was about an hour?"
I flap my right forefinger at Katar. He opens the folded paper and nods. "The connection is weaker, because we are not bound up in this world as you are. But it lasts longer, because we cannot resist it in the way that you can."
"That's my best guess. But if it can work at all, then you can still die of acute thaumacology."
Bleez pulls her wings in tight and opens her hands. "No more! Honest!"
"Okay. Katar, thank you for your help. I-."
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh?"
Katar and I orientate on Bleez.
"You know how I send information to the Thanagarian government..?"
"No."
She looks confused. "Is that sarcasm or did I not tell you? I thought I did-."
"I read ahead. You sent samples back, didn't you?"
"I thought it was low risk! Everywhere has narcotics! And how would we even use magic?"
"Seven Devil cultists. Plus, Vulcan's cultists, I assume."
"No." Oh my goodness, Shayera spoke to me. "Doctor Mist checked. We don't have any more magical ability than Superman."
"But the cultists do-. Did. Which means that there's a way to induce-. Sorry, off-topic. Thank you for your help, I'll let you know what happens. Bleez, take me to your dealer."
15:43 GMT -6
"…fine, as far as I can tell." Katar looks up from the thanagarian diagnostic scanner's control console. "But I'm afraid that our equipment isn't reliable when it comes to magic."
Shayera is silently leaning against the wall at the side of the room, mace in hand and eyes locked on me.
Bleez raises her head up slightly. "I feel fine? Is this a real problem? 'cause I've had managers pull their feathers out about my health before? But I'm kinda getting stressed out over how freaked out Paul is."
"Bleez, I'm not freaked out. I'm worried about you."
"It sounds like you're freaked out."
"If I were freaked out, we wouldn't have come here."
"Oh yeah? Where would we have gone?"
"Nowhere. I'd have performed an emergency brain transplant on you right then and there."
"You.. wh-at?"
"Which would be a problem, because I don't have any Nth metal. You'd be unable to fly until I could get hold of an uncontaminated source. And then I'd have to go through your newly rehoused brain with a fine toothed comb, draining any energies I didn't recognise, which might cause other problems because we don't have great records on what happens when thanagarians are exposed to magic beyond the fact that you're somewhat compatible, Thasaro-cultists and their Blessed Ones notwithstanding."
"That's not going to happen." She looks at Katar. "That's not, right?"
"I can't think of any reason why it would. Shayera and I have both been exposed to different forms of magic before, including demon magic. Though… I'll.. admit that I haven't consumed an untested alchemical potion before."
"I didn't know that's what it was! I just thought it was some kind of recreational thing."
"Um."
Katar turns to me. "You have a question?"
"I never asked what thanagarian attitudes towards narcotics in general were. But to a hu-. Ah, me, that.. statement makes me think that I should."
He turns back to the console. "Alcohol is a narcotic. As is tobacco. As is caffeine. I've heard of worlds where refined sugar is illegal. I thought you were better travelled than this."
"I generally stick to consuming readily identifiable food substances with as few psychoactive properties as I can manage."
Bleez looks puzzled. "You've seen me drink alcohol before."
"And coffee, yes, but we're on Earth and I know Earth-drugs. I also know that Katar and Shayera have drunk both of those before without extra ill effects. You've been using something novel."
Bleez's wings brush up against the scanner arms as they spread a little into a 'I can swoop at you if I have to' pose. "I didn't know that. I know some narcotics are super-dangerous and I haven't touched them, but I saw people using this and nothing much happened so I thought it was okay."
"Bleez…" I walk up to the scanner, kneeling down so that our heads are on a level and looking her directly in the eyes. Then reach past the sensor arms and take hold of her hands,. "Please be a little more careful. Earth might look normal a lot of the time, but things can go sideways very quickly and with no warning. If you don't know what a weird mind-altering substance is, please check with someone first."
Her wings relax a little, and she nods. "Okay. Okay."
"Thank you." I take a U.K.-recipe Dairy Milk bar out of subspace and offer it to her. "Have a properly tested narcotic instead."
"Ooh, have you got one of the caramel ones?"
"Ah." I swap the Dairy Milk for a Caramel bar. "Sure?"
"Thanks." She opens the wrapped and chomps the end off the bar. "H-h-h-h-h, refined sugar."
I stand up and step back, rolling my eyes. "But seriously, no sign of adverse effects?"
Katar shakes his head. "None. Are you expecting some?"
"Report's not in the system yet. The magic which makes the patches work went badly wrong for one of the people who took it and we don't know why yet. Could be that it can't happen to aliens, could be that it's more likely, we don't know."
He thinks for a moment. "I thought that lifeforms who did not originate on Earth would be less susceptible to some types of magic effect."
"Yes, but that usually doesn't work out in their favour. Let me guess…"
I fabricate a piece of paper with 'Less intense but lasts longer.' written on it, fold it in half and pass it to Katar.
"Bleez, did you compare the effect of the narcotic on you to the effect it had on the humans you saw using it?"
"Kind of? I wasn't doing an experiment or anything? I don't think it had quite as much for me as it did for them? But I kept feeling happy for the whole day, but for them it was about an hour?"
I flap my right forefinger at Katar. He opens the folded paper and nods. "The connection is weaker, because we are not bound up in this world as you are. But it lasts longer, because we cannot resist it in the way that you can."
"That's my best guess. But if it can work at all, then you can still die of acute thaumacology."
Bleez pulls her wings in tight and opens her hands. "No more! Honest!"
"Okay. Katar, thank you for your help. I-."
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh?"
Katar and I orientate on Bleez.
"You know how I send information to the Thanagarian government..?"
"No."
She looks confused. "Is that sarcasm or did I not tell you? I thought I did-."
"I read ahead. You sent samples back, didn't you?"
"I thought it was low risk! Everywhere has narcotics! And how would we even use magic?"
"Seven Devil cultists. Plus, Vulcan's cultists, I assume."
"No." Oh my goodness, Shayera spoke to me. "Doctor Mist checked. We don't have any more magical ability than Superman."
"But the cultists do-. Did. Which means that there's a way to induce-. Sorry, off-topic. Thank you for your help, I'll let you know what happens. Bleez, take me to your dealer."
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