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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. moralrelativity

    moralrelativity Recovering pendant.

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    The start of the sentence does not makes sense but I'm not sure how to fix it.
    To sure -> I'm unsure ?
    To sure -> Not too sure ?
     
  2. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
    It's never too late to start following the Geneva Conventions.
    Basically, the 'n' key on my keyboard is becoming unreliable and my autocorrect is over enthusiastic. I typed 'N O T', the computer saw 'O T' and turned it into 'T O'.
     
  3. Sockmonkey

    Sockmonkey I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Contact points under the key might be dirty. If so, it's fixable by opening the thing up and cleaning them off.
     
    Xmaster3000 likes this.
  4. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    Mr Zoat Somehow I doubt that they're a signatory and I doubt Paul is either.
     
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  5. CTrees

    CTrees Chasing the ring

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    Neither Themyscira nor Maltus are likely to be signatories, either. Would the Orange Lantern Corps rules of engagement follow similar guidelines? Somewhat doubtful, considering Vril Dox and the Controllers.
     
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  6. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    It uses switches.
     
  7. Enochi

    Enochi Having way to much fun with AI.

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    Well pretty much any POV other then mainline Paul's is better. OG Paul is pretty much the least interesting part of the fic at this point.
     
  8. The Froggy Ninja

    The Froggy Ninja The Blade Will Never Die

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    I don’t know about that. I find the plot pretty interesting. It’s cool that he’s becoming new godly from a different direction than Grayven, and I’m curious what domain he’d develop absent identity theft. Avarice is kinda obvious but it’s more of a tool for him. Perhaps Ambition or Progress?
     
  9. Bud-E

    Bud-E Stand up so I can push you down!

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    I like Paul as a character and I think he's interesting I just think he doesn't have as entertaining storylines as his variants.
     
  10. LZB1285

    LZB1285 Getting sticky.

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    That is either good news or bad. If your keyboard has hot-swappable switches a bit of googling should source you a replacement you can just pop in. If not, how good are you with a soldering iron?
     
  11. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    I haven't touched one since Secondary School. That was 22 years ago.
     
  12. Enochi

    Enochi Having way to much fun with AI.

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    Well to give Mr Zoat credit even his least interesting bits are more interesting then some peoples entire fics but eh I am just not interested in Paul as a person so I get more enjoyment out of those he interacts with. The lesser known the less I can relate. Grayven is much more interesting as is his supporting cast. Shrug.
     
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  13. Michael Vonica

    Michael Vonica Know what you're doing yet?

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    What I like about this story is Paul's methods of solving problems. He doesn't just beat the bad guy, he tries to do his best to improve the situation, and resolve issues on a more fundamental level. Like the entire Black Adam storyline. Or how he helped Michael Siskin, Blaze, Chantinelle, and Zatara. Or him setting up a less evil government in hell. I guess I also like stories where the threat can't just be busted through, or where Paul needs to depend on his diverse connections to find solutions.
     
  14. Galler

    Galler Not too sore, are you?

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    I know what you mean. I got a lot more interested in the outcome of this current conflict once OL decided to try and negotiate a settlement between the two groups instead of just trying to destroy the attacking group. It makes the universe seem far more fleshed out and not populated by purely evil races.
     
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  15. Bud-E

    Bud-E Stand up so I can push you down!

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    I agree with what you're saying but I think a big problem for me is I like how Paul sees this world and how he wants to improve it but I don't like how separate this aspect of his life is from characters I really enjoy. I Like the team the Justice League and a lot of the side characters on Earth, a lot of the time I feel disinterested in Paragon Paul's storylines come from him being in space interacting with a lot of people I personally don't care for. In the Orange Lantern Corps I only really like Vril Dox II and Hinon Hee Hannan. This isn't me taking shots at Zoat for his work I think Paul's a great character it's just I like the earth-bound characters of the story more than all the others and feel disappointed when we don't get to see them.
     
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  16. Bramble Thorn

    Bramble Thorn Verified Silhouette

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    To Godwin's Law this thing, I'm sure Hitler planned to start following it once the purges were complete, and he had killed all the people he planned on killing.
     
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  17. Greatswordsmith

    Greatswordsmith Getting some practice in, huh?

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    Yeah but I'm pretty sure that's still better than Hitler NOT following the Geneva Conventions after the purges. You gotta take what you can get sometimes.
     
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  18. Threadmarks: Sungate (part 31)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    11th September 2012
    20:35 GMT


    O-oh-h.

    The heavy gun appears to be in one piece, but the bodies around it definitely aren't. Presumably, the attackers rerouted some of their forces here after their cruiser was hit. The… Defenders, have sunburst insignias, so I assume that they were Thia's bodyguard. The goddess herself isn't here. I'm trying to work out who won based on the position of the dead, but… I can tell who was attacking and who was defending…

    Okay, defender corpses around the gun control booth would suggest that they were overrun. That's… Not what I'm seeing, but there… Are bodies which appear to have been shot from multiple directions, but that just means that they were flanked.

    "Illustres to Lord Coeus. Please respond."



    Any wounded? Doesn't… Look like it. Closest ongoing combat?

    Located.

    The gun appears to still be in working order, some minor cosmetic damage aside. But with the battleship in retreat on my order and the cruisers over the horizon there's no point in manning it.

    "Illustres to Melinoë?"

    I lift off the ground, forming a positron projector construct and a railgun construct. Missiles didn't seem to be a part of their arsenal so I skip flak. And… I release my remaining Construct Lanterns.

    While assimilating them was the correct tactical decision, their blank staring eyes and general listlessness make these ones unnerving to be around. I'm still not entirely certain whether Construct Lanterns retain any sense of self normally, but these… People, had next to none when the Reach threw them at me. But seeing them as Construct Lanterns make it look like it was me who did that to them and not the Reach, even to me.

    But with no idea where the gods are and with no authority to command their forces, I need some backup.

    "Spread out, watch for attackers."

    "Yes dominus."

    They all say it as one. I didn't teach them that. I didn't want them to do that. Which means that's a response the Reach gave them.

    I hope.

    They fly off in all directions, while I head towards the closest fire fight. My objective now is a little different. I need to take one of the attackers alive, preferably an Ascendant. I'm fairly confident that Sparta is lying to the others… Assuming that Thiva was telling me the truth, and I can't think of any reason for her not to be.

    Still don't know what actually happened on Karrakan. I think that whatever happens here I should try and find out. Thiva seemed earnest, but I think I'll want to get to know her a little better before giving her a power ring.

    Hm. Maybe I should put Lord Malvolio in touch with Carol Ferris -14? From the sounds of it the organisation of green power ring users he's planning has more in common with her order of roving knights than the super police of the Green Lantern Corps. At the very least, hearing about another worked example will help him clarify his thoughts.

    Movement up ahead. Defenders, retreating in a speedy but orderly manner and hunkering down. I drop to ground level and stand in the open to allow them to see me. We're on the rear of the upper crescent here, effectively a series of platforms and promontories build into the remaining moon rock. The defenders are retreating 'up' and 'back', away from the main habitation areas on the inside of the crescent. If that's replicated all over New Cronus it would suggest that we're in trouble, but the main point of the attackers' ingress is 'down' so it's hardly surprising that some soldiers retreated away from there if they were getting overrun.

    "Khairete!"

    Because I have actually been learning Themysciran Ancient Greek, even if they laugh at my accent. I don't want to have to wander the streets in someone else's trousers again.

    The closest three fall prone, long arms immediately pointing at me. But they don’t fire, which is a good sign for their discipline and the prospect of future cooperation.

    "I'm the ambassador of the Orange Lantern Corps. I also dealt with that battleship."

    One soldier glances at one of the other, while the third keeps his eyes and weapon on me.

    "We were told that you were fighting."

    "I have received information which suggests that the leader of the attackers is lying to her followers. If I can speak to them, that might be enough to persuade them to break off."

    There's a hesitation, then they climb to their feet and point their guns in the opposite direction as more soldiers approach.

    "How's it going?"

    "We wouldn't be up here if it was going well."

    "Yes, I spotted that. The surviving crew of the battleship said that they deployed most of their demigods to New Cronus."

    They straighten slightly.

    "It is a relief to know that we were not bested by normal soldiers."

    "Weapons and armour with glowing lines all along them?" A nod. "Yes, that's them. Someone's giving them New God weapons, but Sparta's been telling them she invented them and they're all so devout that they accept it as a matter of faith."

    "Does it matter where they come from?"

    "It matters that she's lying to her followers. And it matters to me because there's a New God called Grayven active in the Reach warzone, and the New Gods of Apokolips are the enemies of everyone."

    "They're not our enemies."

    "Their ruler wants to remove the capacity for mental independence from all other beings in the universe. That makes them your enemies whether you know them or not."

    "That's possible?"

    "He thinks so. I'd rather not assume not and be proven wrong."

    More soldiers, some wounded and supported by others. Walking wounded only. That could be because the weapons they use are so lethal that major wounds are always fatal, or because they abandoned them.

    And then I see Athyns. A few scratches and scorch marks on his armour, but he doesn't look seriously injured.

    "Athyns!"

    "Lantern!" He checks his environment before walking over to me. "The battle in space is over?"

    "The cruisers are pulling back and the battleship is my war prize. Unfortunately, Sparta-."

    "Already boarded." He nods. "I saw her before we pulled out. Lord Hyperion charged in to fight her."

    "Either way, we still need to fight. Do you have an overview?"

    "The last I heard, there was fighting all across the residential areas. Their hold of the launch bays is uncontested. Where is Lady Thia?"

    "Don't know. Some of her guard were dead, but I didn't see any sign of her. Or any survivors."

    He grimaces. "Unfortunate. Then we-."

    "Commander Athyns! Contact!"
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2022
  19. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    'it definitely'

    'Thia's'

    'I can't tell'

    'of the launch'

    'Thia'
     
  20. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Let's hope she fled in the face of the assault, rather than being captured. The last thing this fight needs is Sparta getting more firepower. At least it explains why they didn't fire on the battleship. Impressive that they spotted the possible threat of the guns. Although I would assume they tried to attack all the gun positions on that side of the station...

    Could be that one of the Ascendants on the ground had mind control powers, and flipped some of the defenders...

    That bodes ill, that sort of thoroughness. That's the behaviour of a force looking to kill, not to win.

    And much to large to pick up and carry, so at best, it's irrelevant now.

    Ah, right, he gained more a little while back. From the ghost fleets the Reach have running around in the periphery.

    Disposable backup, at that. You really need to invest in drones, especially stealthed ones. Though I bet the Ascendants would detect them...

    :confused: ...Yeah, that's not creepy at all, nosiree...

    If it isn't, and the Construct lanterns are responding to something subconscious, you might want to get that looked at...

    OL, you just met her. While she was trying to kill you. That's not a good estimate of whether you should put a ring on it...

    A pity the Indigo are still operating in secret. They might have presented another data point. Not necessarily a good one, but any data is helpful...

    Boy, the geometry of this place... The joy of hollowing out a broken moon for a ship...

    By context, I would guess that means 'Friendly!' or 'Ally!' ...Though what was that about the trousers? :confused:

    Yeah, that last one might get them on your side much quicker.

    ...Yes, that is quite the understatement.

    Boy, they're twitchy. But given the circumstances, I am not surprised.

    See, that's useful information. Now, if you knew how many there were, that would be even more helpful... Though if there were, say, two per cruiser, and three on the battleship, besides Sparta... You killed two and defeated a third... There can't be too many Ascendants out there.

    OL, I know you like to exposit, but these guys don't care about that. They just need to know enough to stay alive and fight off the attackers.

    Again, matters above their paygrade. Unless one of them is an officer...

    ...And when you say it, it sounds kind of silly, doesn't it?

    True. Very true.

    Ah, finally someone with authority. And it looks like he's doing well.

    Eh, define 'over'... The enemy are still alive, after all, if defeated.

    ...And now I think I know where Thia went. Given that things aren't exploding right now, I'm guessing neither Titan is still engaged...

    Ah, city-fighting. Never fun. Especially when you can't bombard the contested buildings into rubble...

    But with who? Enemy soldiers? Surely OL would have noticed shooting... Hopefully an ally coming in.

    Time for some down-and-dirty combat, eh? Too bad for the Karrakanians that OL brings quite the force multiplier to the field. But the disappearance of Thia, and presumably Hyperion, is worrying. If Sparta's Ascendants are taking down the Titans, this fight will be much, much harder to stop cleanly. And Coeus and Melinoë's silence was also concerning. Captured? Busy? I suppose we'll see...
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2021
  21. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    It was inspired by a comic book, so yeah.
     
  22. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    'Lord Hyperion'
     
  23. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
    No, he can.
    Thank you, corrected.
    Remember when he came back from Hell naked with a robot body?
     
  24. moralrelativity

    moralrelativity Recovering pendant.

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    I'd try an air compressor first. I've quickly fixed a few keyboards that way.
     
  25. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    I do hope Melinoë isn't dead, I imagine it would take quite some effort to bring her back.
     
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  26. theaceoffire

    theaceoffire Versed in the lewd.

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    What!? Is it an ambush!?

    No sir! I mean I've lost my contact!

    God damn it Carl.
     
  27. Silveraith

    Silveraith Argent Phantasm

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    Working.
     
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  28. Hell's Razer

    Hell's Razer Passive Member

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    It means hello, though of course they would be laughing at Paul. There is no k sound in "Χαίρετε", that χ is pronounced similar to the 'h' in home or hello though more pronounced.

    Similarly the sound of the letter is not 'chi' but 'hi' (NOT 'hai' as the word hi is pronounced in English) same 'h' sound.
    Though I understand why they would write it that way, as it is kinda hard to differentiate the english greeting from the sound of the greek word.
     
  29. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    To be clear: I the author do not speak any form of Greek.
    No, that's correct. It means when a textbook shows you step by step how an equation works. An example that's been worked out.
     
  30. Hell's Razer

    Hell's Razer Passive Member

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    I know I'm just poking some fun towards the unfortunate choices of english speaking academics (and more importantly "academics") when attempting to phonetically write greek words they have never heard. :)

    Edit: as for the first part, I was referencing this:
    Starts at 0:11
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2021
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