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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Pinklestia

    Pinklestia Well worn.

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    Well on the one hand all this prep thing should count as part one, on the other; this is kinda evil JLA cartoon universe.
     
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  2. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    DeSaad, twice.
     
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  3. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    I mean isn't renegrayvens thing being reckless?
     
  4. AverusBlack

    AverusBlack AKA Aisling

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    Broken link
    Own? Or is that Belawa speaking with his accent?
    Facial hair?

    Broken link and a couple possible typos, not sure.

    For now, courage.
     
  5. Shotiegun11

    Shotiegun11 Know what you're doing yet?

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    Who is the Atlantean girl that the Renegade adopted? I don't remember that at all.
     
  6. Aeess

    Aeess I trust you know where the happy button is?

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  7. PDV

    PDV Revelation That Uncertainty Is Itself An Answer

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    I think she'll be more Bangladesh Dupree: annoy people while punching them.
     
  8. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    I mean, it works. Probably like Elan's pun-fighting style.
     
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  9. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    Yeah, but usually with something to gain from it. This just seems...thoughtless.
     
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  10. thebishop8

    thebishop8 Umm, ackchyually...

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    Old corrections:
    Broken link.

    Something is off about this sentence. SV has it as "none have done so in their superheroic identity and"

    Second link is broken.

    It's weird that it's past tense twice and then present tense. "reached, picked, dials" On SV picked is picks. Or you can change dials to dialed.

    Broken link.

    Remove going or staying. On SV you have it as staying.

    Change his to him.

    *Karsta Wor-Ul
     
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  11. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
    Accent.
     
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  12. Threadmarks: Conqueror's Moon (part 15)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    27th December 2004
    21:14 GMT -5


    "Hey, you're not dead!"

    Eliza Harmon smiles up at me, vibrating faintly. She's learned to build up speed and apparently remain at normal speed, to anyone who isn't specifically looking for it at least.

    I smile back.

    "Hey, neither are you! Brave, still wearing the Flash's ccccccoooooollllll-"

    For a fraction of a second she frowns, and the rate at which she's vibrating slows.

    "-lloooooouuuuurrrrrssssss."

    "Ttttthhhhaaaatttt-."

    I lean down quickly. "Hah! Got you."

    She suddenly stops vibrating. "You-? Ah, damn it! I didn't-"

    I reach behind my back and start removing the 'kick me' signs.

    She smirks. "-get you to go through the portal with those on."

    I look a-. "'Nuke me'? Really?"

    "How'd you spot those?"

    I point over to the other side of the embarkation area, where Batson is covering his mouth with both hands and is heroically failing at stopping himself laughing.

    "Bi-lly! You gave me away!"

    "Hahhah! That's great!"

    "Look." I take a heavy breath, closing my eyes for a moment. "I decided to contain that nuclear blast in order to prevent the rest of you getting incinerated. 'Kick me' signs are fine, but if you want to joke about the nuke, maybe I'll decide to just shield myself next time and let the rest of you handle the blast yourselves."

    "Yeah-. Ah-. No, don't do that."

    "Thought not."

    "I didn't realise.. you did it intentionally."

    I frown. "Why the heck would I intentionally trap myself in a shield bubble with a suitcase nuke and a killer robot?"

    "I dunno." She shrugs. "People make stupid decisions under pressure."

    "No, the stupid bit happened a moment later when I got angry enough to shut down my construct armour and started evaporating. The decision to protect you was deliberate."

    "Okay but, um, why?"

    I lean down and condescendingly pat her on the left cheek with my right hand. "Because you're just so adorably helpless and pathetic. Like a little puppy. With one leg."

    Batson's face falls, and I roll my eyes.

    "It's not a real puppy, Batson."

    "No, but it's a total mood-killer. And." He looks awkwardly away for a moment, then straightens up and looks me full-on. "Thank you for stopping us getting nuked."

    "You're welcome. You I'll happily shield again, though I would suggest that we all strive to avoid situations where that's necessary."

    Batson smiles at me, then looks pointedly at Ms Harmon. She looks puzzled for a moment, then she gets it. "Aoh-! He was trying to conquer America!"

    "And that would have been a whole lot easier if he'd let us die. He didn't. Not everyone we fight is a total monster, and we should always be encouraging them to listen to the better angels of their nature. And one of the ways to do that is thanking them when they do something good." He gestures to me with his right hand.

    "…" She rolls her eyes slightly. "…t-hanks."

    "Ah, and I thought I was going to get to watch a puppy getting nuked today. Good puppy."

    I pat her on the head, but my heart's not in it. I sniff, quietly, as she turns and walks away. I did a good job picking those two.

    The door to the embarkation room opens, and the rest of Stormwatch walk through. Richard, Rayner, Zatanna and 'Katar'. No, no, Katar, he's had it legally changed. It's not like the original Katar Hol whose memories he copied had a unique name or anything. Heck, if one thanagarian chose to model themselves after another back on Thanagar 16 it would be considered a profoundly respectful gesture. Not so much if an alien did it…

    "Alright, everyone. We've got a plan."

    Richard glances at Rayner, who generates a film projector construct which shines a.. full colour image of the city of Enndupar. Back on Thanagar 16 that.. was the centre of Thanagar's entertainment industry. It technically still is, though government censorship is increasingly encouraging creative types to work from the colonies. Here? I'd guess that it was the same before my alter-ego took over.

    Now? Pass. Apokolips doesn't really have an entertainment industry, and I've never bothered to find out if the gordanians do.

    "This is Enndupar, which is the last known location of Mister Miracle and Big Barda. Scans-" Various markers get added to it. "-show this is where-" He glances at me. "-the other Grayven has stationed troops. Enndupar isn't a high priority target like Thandalar so there aren't all that many."

    Katar's jaw clenches, and he shakes his head. "Because there don't need to be."

    Rayner creates a second projector, showing ooooooh. That's a big ship. And that's a big ship. And that's a really big ship. My alter ego appears to have been doing a lot of rationalising with the gordanian fleet doctrine. Several gordanian battleships-? No, command carriers, are in orbit around Thanagar, showing the signs of having been augmented with Apokoliptian technology openly on their hulls. Around them are their escort assault ships as well as dozens of flights of attack craft: fighters and gunships.

    And sitting in pride of place directly over the capital is… Hm, it's actually slightly smaller in terms of volume than the gordanian battleships, though I'm sure that its mass is far higher. An actual Apokoliptian battleship. Grey hull, tron lines everywhere and… A prow-mounted hyperblaster. An honest-to-the-Source faster than light weapon. How did he even get-?

    "Grayven?"

    "That's an Apokoliptian battleship. It's probably about as deadly as the rest of his fleet put together. And it will have a fleet-scale boom tube generator." Um. "Not saying that it's a priority or anything-"

    Richard shakes his head exactly once. "We're not helping you steal the ship."

    "-but it would make our lives a lot easier if we took control of that ship. It's almost certainly where the other Grayven is, and being Apokoliptian he's not going to have a captured New God held too far away from him. And he'll be using its systems to project his divine essence-"

    Eliza grins. "That sounds dirty."

    "-across his entire fleet-"

    She grins more. "That sounds dirtier."

    "-to ensure that all of those beneath him please him in performing their duties with the utmost vigour and enthusiasm."

    Eliza raises her hands.

    Richard looks at me. "And you're sure that's where they are?"

    "No. I'd say… Forty percent chance? If it were me, I'd dump him somewhere with a boom tube blocker so he'd be stuck there. My own ship where I'd have to personally aura-suppress him would be a distant second as far as preferred options go. But I like him and this Grayven doesn't. There are also things he could use him for that would help him hold Thanagar, and those would require close proximity."

    "And he couldn't do those somewhere else?"

    I shrug. "Sure. Anywhere where he's in complete control, surrounded by tonnes of Apokoliptian technology and close to Thanagar. So unless he's really rushed construction of a facility on the ground… No, if that's what he's doing."

    Richard nods. "Okay then. Here's what we're going to do."
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2019
  13. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

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    We're going to steal a warship?
     
  14. yingyang590

    yingyang590 Getting out there.

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    How would it fare vs the Doomsday?
     
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  15. Flux Casey

    Flux Casey The Colonel

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    QQer on deck.
     
  16. Ganurath

    Ganurath Apologizes For Nothing

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    Billy: "Is that dirty too?"
     
  17. AverusBlack

    AverusBlack AKA Aisling

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    I don't remember this working out too well for Grayven the last time he was all "Ooh, that ship is shiny! I'ma take it!"

    Earth-50 hurts. His own words. Poor chap really ought to have remembered that, I suspect he's going to get a rather pointy reminder before this is all said and done.
     
  18. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    But how much of this vibration is her powers, and how much is exceitement? :p

    Grayven, New God of Trolling in action, folks.

    The old 'fake slow-motion' trick always gets 'em.

    Wisdom of Solomon, Poker Face of a ten-year-old.

    Don't make him take his ball and go home...

    Need to work on Enlightenment, Grayven. Too bad you went deep on the New God feat line and not the Light Shaman one.

    ...Cruel.

    Still a cruel image.

    Politeness. Always a virtue.

    Because the Stamina of Atlas doesn't extend to protection from nukes, does it?

    See, I can believe that he'd be good at reforming criminals. Only the real psychopaths would stay crazy in the face of that niceness. Sivana Senior doesn't call him the 'Big Red Cheese' for nothing :D

    Please don't troll the cutie, Grayven. Her fanclub would murder you.

    So, deep into the Hawk Saga, he is. That's a whole bag full of complex.

    I suspect it wouldn't be pretty either way.

    They have a very definite design signature in this universe, don't thy?

    ...Why am I picturing the Authority's Shiftship Carrier...

    Orange ring: Want. Want. Wantwantwant...

    "Think clean thoughts, Chum."

    Dammit, phrasing!

    I know, right? It's like he doesn't even notice the double entendres.

    Like, say, suppressing 'Freedom' on-planet.

    And that kind of thing would be reeeaallly obvious.

    So, now they have a target for the heist. And a possible confrontation between Grayvens ahead. I hope there's plenty of mullet-related insults :p
     
  19. helios

    helios Praise the Sun!

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    I always know I'm going to like the next update when I get to start chanting "Grand Theft X" part way through.

    And Grand Theft Battleship has a nice cadence to it.
     
  20. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Depends on the size of the nuke. He'd certainly have felt it if he were up close.
    I don't know. It doesn't look like that.
     
  21. Prince Charon

    Prince Charon Just zis guy, you know?

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    I wonder if Grayven intentionally altered his phrasing at the end to fit Elise's reactions.
     
  22. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    SPACESHIP!

    I'm always up for stealing a new ride.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2019
  23. TheMidnightRook

    TheMidnightRook Well worn.

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    I expect it would do about as well against the Doomsday as a fully grown pit bull would against a one-legged puppy.
     
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  24. Maxx Crowley

    Maxx Crowley I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Billy's magical durability flat out shits on everyone else's.

    One time, he got hit with a telefragging beam, turned him completely inside out....then he snapped right back to normal. A bit dazed, but otherwise unharmed.

    It was flat out stated that had said beam hit Superman or Wonder Woman, they would have died.
     
  25. Tbryan

    Tbryan Know what you're doing yet?

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    Am I missing something? I thought Eliza Harmon was the Earth-50 Flash
     
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  26. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    I'm pretty sure that billy got nuked in kingdom come and came off dead but I might be wrong.
     
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  27. Senevri

    Senevri Not too sore, are you?

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    Huh. I was going to mention Kingdom Come, but in that he died due to self-sacrifice. So the less canon Injustice will do. But the point is, really, that writing is inconsistent.
     
  28. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    Maybe Cause Grayven likes this one better. Still, after looking her up, Elise Kimble is the Persuader (lady from future with an axe), so this is probably a typo.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2019
  29. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    I thought he got lazer eyed in injustice?
     
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  30. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    Yes. Laser eyes to death. This means that extreme heat is enough to kill him. Though power levels are weird in Injustice. If he was that durable, you simply couldn’t win any fights against him. Then again, Batman, even if he has special medicine helping him, shouldn’t be able to survive orbital reentry / getting punched through the planet by doomsday / having his soul sucked out by Scorpion. Likewise, Superman should barely be hurt by any of the things Batman can do to him with his tech (without Kryptonite), even with Batman having Super strength.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2019
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