1. Due to issues with external spam filters, QQ is currently unable to send any mail to Microsoft E-mail addresses. This includes any account at live.com, hotmail.com or msn.com. Signing up to the forum with one of these addresses will result in your verification E-mail never arriving. For best results, please use a different E-mail provider for your QQ address.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. For prospective new members, a word of warning: don't use common names like Dennis, Simon, or Kenny if you decide to create an account. Spammers have used them all before you and gotten those names flagged in the anti-spam databases. Your account registration will be rejected because of it.
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Since it has happened MULTIPLE times now, I want to be very clear about this. You do not get to abandon an account and create a new one. You do not get to pass an account to someone else and create a new one. If you do so anyway, you will be banned for creating sockpuppets.
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If you wish to change your username, please ask via conversation to tehelgee instead of asking via my profile. I'd like to not clutter it up with such requests.
    Dismiss Notice
  5. Due to the actions of particularly persistent spammers and trolls, we will be banning disposable email addresses from today onward.
    Dismiss Notice
  6. A note about the current Ukraine situation: Discussion of it is still prohibited as per Rule 8
    Dismiss Notice
  7. The rules regarding NSFW links have been updated. See here for details.
    Dismiss Notice
  8. The testbed for the QQ XF2 transition is now publicly available. Please see more information here.
    Dismiss Notice

With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

Loading...
  1. 2 Hot Crown Subdues the Sinful

    2 Hot Crown Subdues the Sinful Aris

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Messages:
    35,130
    Likes Received:
    389,416
    Obliviated fan likes this.
  2. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    14,869
    Likes Received:
    738,002
  3. Sceptic

    Sceptic Critical Irrationalist

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2016
    Messages:
    1,466
    Likes Received:
    9,684
    Yet.

    Does that mean it's now a race to post a pony character in that thread?
     
    Obliviated fan likes this.
  4. Deadring

    Deadring Screee!

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2019
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    143
    Jesus christ, add that one to the list of stuff i never wanted to think about
     
    Obliviated fan, Ardy, Belenus and 2 others like this.
  5. Fallen Gods Rise

    Fallen Gods Rise Just stepped on a Lego

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2015
    Messages:
    225
    Likes Received:
    742
    When you began this all those years ago, did you ever think it would become this...?
     
    Obliviated fan, Ardy, Belenus and 2 others like this.
  6. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    14,869
    Likes Received:
    738,002
    I'm half-seriously thinking of writing Kalibak/Celestia.
    I never thought that I'd actually keep going like this.
    He was doing a few weeks on general anatomy, and it just came up.
     
  7. Maxx Crowley

    Maxx Crowley I trust you know where the happy button is?

    Joined:
    May 10, 2017
    Messages:
    873
    Likes Received:
    4,342
    Damn it people. First you bring up butt-sex, one of the greatest things ever. Then you bring up ponies....but try as you might, you will never ruin butt-sex!

    Plus it made me think of that guy who died cuz a of the horse-humpery. That's what size-queening will get ya.
     
  8. Nervaqus987

    Nervaqus987 Well worn.

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2014
    Messages:
    5,410
    Likes Received:
    45,538
  9. BR549

    BR549 This is filth! FILTH!!

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2017
    Messages:
    638
    Likes Received:
    4,575
    Out of all the things in that picture...
    ...why is Eggman's face there?
     
  10. Queshire

    Queshire Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2019
    Messages:
    466
    Likes Received:
    2,771
    If you're going to cross DC and MLP already then why stop there? Well, it's niche enough that I suspect it's a picture for some fanfic, though I don't know what one.
     
  11. Threadmarks: Field Trip (part 2)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    14,869
    Likes Received:
    738,002
    3rd January
    21:45 GMT


    "Thank you for agreeing to meet with me."

    The Red Martian opposite me doesn't say anything. I wonder if this is-. Oh, right.

    "I'm sorry. If you're trying to speak to me telepathically, I instinctively block-."

    Her shape begins to shift, moving away from the broad chested, long armed and short legged natural martian form to something more like Mister J'onzz's first attempt at looking humanish. "Is this better?"

    I shrug. "That's up to you. Your appearance doesn't bother me, but you'll probably find it easier to communicate with me with a standard humanoid vocal system."

    "Your telepathic block is quite impressive." Got the form but not the body language, I see. "For what reason did you develop it?"

    "Self defence. There might not be many telepaths on Earth-" Or Apokolips, actually. Plenty of people who can get into your head, but surprisingly few classical telepaths. "-but given my power and position, I can't afford to leave a glaring vulnerability."

    "Martians who wish to shield their thoughts sometimes do so by altering the structure of their brains."

    I smile politely. "Not all of us share your species' protean nature. It's true that many humanoid species have techniques for shielding their thoughts which involve mindless repetition of facts or ideas, or training themselves to adopt alien thought patterns on the same brain, but I prefer my approach."

    "I myself have some experience with combining magic and telepathy. But I do not believe that any martian handles it in quite the way that you do."

    "Ah, yes. My people can learn to manipulate magic as you do, but we also have a more… Instinctive form. Our souls naturally form certain shapes, and within that we can draw upon our own reserves of spiritual strength to manifest particular effects. If I might demonstrate?"

    "Yes."

    I take a thick iron bar out of subspace and create a clamp construct at either end to hold it up. Next, I take two Apokoliptian cleavers. One I hold out, the blade just above the bar. Through the second I exert myself. Will To Conquer!

    Then, without pressing them down, I allow the blades to rest on the metal. The second passes through with almost no resistance, while the first barely has a chance to make any impact at all before the bar falls.

    "That is interesting. I have never felt anything quite like it."

    "That's why I'm here." I return my demonstration aids to subspace. "Earth… There are many more magic practitioners on Earth than there are on Mars, but they are still only a tiny fraction of the population. I've… Already sponsored a school, but that is an institution for neophytes, to give the ignorant a basic level of education. For true discovery to happen…" I shrug. "My hope is that by bringing together educated magic users from multiple traditions, I might bring about a sharing of knowledge and experience which will bring everyone forward."

    "You are right. Few martians study magic."

    I nod. "I… Realise that you only teach Red Martians, but I had understood that your pool of potential students had dramatically increased recently."

    I was fascinated to hear from M'gann that someone on Mars had found a way to remove the Maltusian lock. She wanted to know if I was responsible, but while I'm not sure how I would have responded if directly asked to remove it, in this case I'm totally innocent.

    "No. It has not."

    "But there are so many new Reds…"

    "A White or Green who shifted their colouration to red would not be admissible. The same applies to these… Social radicals."

    I bow my head. "Very well. I freely admit that I know little of Martian society."

    Though obviously I know you're all a bunch of racists. Wouldn't it be nice if I only had to deal with the nice parts of a civilisation?

    "So you wish for us to meet with human users of magic?"

    "Oh, not just human. I've got a fellow from Zerox, a couple of people from Euphorix-" I did briefly consider inviting Kalista, but thought better of it. Alonzo was perfectly happy to extend our cooperation agreement to cover magic users. "-and a young woman from Wilson, as well as representatives of several different Earth traditions."

    "Traditionally, we do not teach those who are not Red Martians."

    "You wouldn't be teaching rank amateurs. You would be sharing knowledge with your contemporaries. Of course, if you consider this unacceptable, I will understand. Our forum will be poorer for your absence, but we will persevere."

    "This is a novel situation." She rises off the ground and triggers the stone ring on one of her office walls, a portal to another part of the monastery briefly opening for her to float through. No idea if she's flying by magic or telekinesis. On the far side she waits for me.

    Hm.

    Mother B-.

    Ping!

    No, it's part of my approach to encourage her to think of us as equals.

    Ping.

    The hush tube opens and I stride through, appearing next to her. She appears to take this in her stride, shutting down the ring as Mother Box shuts down the hush tube.

    "Do you know what the purpose of this monastery is?"

    "No."

    She gestures to a work area where another Red Martian is very carefully removing soil and stone from… Something.

    "At some point during our pre-history, life dwelt on the surface of Mars."

    "I know. I was part of the group which recovered the records."

    "In places, small pieces of those forms of life were preserved, either in fossil form or mummified. Sometimes, enough of their genetic structure remained whole for biologists to recreate them. In other times, we must resort to more arcane measures."

    The sample cleaned to his satisfaction, the martian cleaning it grows two extra pairs of forearms and gestures. Yellow.. light.. swirls for a moment as the sample… No. No, the sample isn't coming back to life. I read about this. They're manifesting the universe's memory of the plant, with its remains serving as a focus. Fascinating.

    "It is our hope that we will one day be able to restore our world in full using such techniques."

    Apparently happy with the twisted root that his magic has created, the martian begins planting it in a large earth-filled pot.

    "I don't know for certain that my colleagues can help with that, but I suppose that if you don't ask you'll never know."

    "I suppose that you are correct. I will agree to an initial meeting, on the condition that we host it. There are concerns relating to ritual purity where the arcane sites of other cultures are concerned."

    "Is that… Going to be a problem going forward?"

    "No. If the meeting is productive we can prepare the ground at future meeting places ourselves."

    Hm. I think that everyone I would be bringing is capable of making their own arrangements regarding breathable air

    "That shouldn't be a problem. How about the security arrangements?"

    "Even in fractious times, monasteries have always remained inviolate. The upstart Whites will not risk alienating those whose support they seek by assailing this holy place. And if they did?"

    Her body shimmers in a way I remember from the pictures the team took of the Burner.

    "We do not limit our studies to the magics of plant resurrection. Your allies will be quite safe here."
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2019
  12. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2016
    Messages:
    2,858
    Likes Received:
    15,201
    Will we be seeing more of how the Reds use magic? And how it differs from others?

    A smile politely.
    I smile politely.
     
    Wheenesss and Mr Zoat like this.
  13. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    14,869
    Likes Received:
    738,002
    Thank you, corrected.
     
    Bramble Thorn and RichardWhereat like this.
  14. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2019
    Messages:
    2,177
    Likes Received:
    33,817
    Plenty of people who can get into your head...

    ...training themselves to adopt alien thought patterns on the same brain...

    Through the second, I exert myself.
    This might not be an error, it just read oddly to me.

    Then, without pressing them down, I allow the blades to rest on the metal.

    Extra space here.

    ...either in fossil form or mummified.
    Welp, Murphy has been taunted. It's all going ploin-shaped before the end of the episode, guaranteed. ;)
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2019
  15. Deadring

    Deadring Screee!

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2019
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    143
    God damn, i love Grayven. Fuck those god damn racist aliens.
    I WON'T APOLOGISE.
     
  16. Buggy123

    Buggy123 I trust you know where the happy button is?

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2019
    Messages:
    504
    Likes Received:
    3,752
    Huh, is it me or is there a lot of emphasis here? Lots of italics, though you can't see them in the quote, and lots of bold. Maybe it's just because it's a negotiation and he's being assertive.
     
    RichardWhereat likes this.
  17. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    14,869
    Likes Received:
    738,002
    Thank you, corrected.
    You mean M'urphy.
     
    Obliviated fan, BR549, Sloth and 14 others like this.
  18. Queshire

    Queshire Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2019
    Messages:
    466
    Likes Received:
    2,771
    Considering all the magic firepower those guests can bring to bare I reckon it M'urphy that better watch out.
     
  19. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2019
    Messages:
    1,289
    Likes Received:
    13,038
    I don't like her.

    Also, considering the last chapter, are we going to see earth ponies revitalising Mars?
     
  20. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    14,869
    Likes Received:
    738,002
    Um.

    Certainly not soon. I just don't want Sunset's actions in Fool's Canon 2 to come out of nowhere, or for anyone to say 'wait, there's a magic school in America? When did that happen?'.
     
  21. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2016
    Messages:
    2,858
    Likes Received:
    15,201
    Would they though?

    It'd be better for earth ponies to revitalise Australia, and migrate Whites and Greens to somewhere there. For just a few years, as a strike/protest until the Reds change their ways.
     
  22. Topher876

    Topher876 I trust you know where the happy button is?

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2015
    Messages:
    533
    Likes Received:
    1,656
    Those are some mighty fine Sneetches right there.
     
    Vorian likes this.
  23. Sceptic

    Sceptic Critical Irrationalist

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2016
    Messages:
    1,466
    Likes Received:
    9,684
    I'm betting on the Australian wildlife in that little contest.
     
  24. Flux Casey

    Flux Casey The Colonel

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2016
    Messages:
    4,826
    Likes Received:
    239,925
    Oh. Well in that case your structure for exposition and foreshadowing is off. You're using an episodic story structure. For that, you want to set your foreshadowing, exposition, chekhov's guns for the episode at the beginning of the episode. More long-term stuff with long-term impacts? That tends to go at the end. Each episode is a story. So the beginning should set up this story, while the end sets up future stories.

    Ably demonstrated by the poster you were responding to. The way you did it set up false expectations for the way this episode was going to go.
     
  25. Ganurath

    Ganurath Apologizes For Nothing

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2014
    Messages:
    2,534
    Likes Received:
    20,713
    *cackles maniacally*
     
  26. Sceptic

    Sceptic Critical Irrationalist

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2016
    Messages:
    1,466
    Likes Received:
    9,684
    The Ambush Buggery is presumably just under three months away in-universe. Your guess is probably as good as mine as to how long that works out to in the real world.
     
    RichardWhereat likes this.
  27. Yog

    Yog Know what you're doing yet?

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2013
    Messages:
    143
    Likes Received:
    779
    I am intrigued in what resulted in the divergence. Because I am fairly sure that Martians undoing their programming would have been noticed by Paul. Also, does Grayven not worry about Guardians dropping a hammer down onto Mars? There was a reason why burning martians were destroyed.

    Overall, terraforming is likely progressing in Paul's story, while martian uplifting goes faster in Grayven's.
     
  28. Ganurath

    Ganurath Apologizes For Nothing

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2014
    Messages:
    2,534
    Likes Received:
    20,713
    Public knowledge that M'gann turned red when hers was undone.
     
  29. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2019
    Messages:
    1,289
    Likes Received:
    13,038
    "I miss the Evergreen Forest!"
     
    Alexandercctv likes this.
  30. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    14,869
    Likes Received:
    738,002
    When the SI visited Mars, he spoke to Prelate J'emm and shared the information with him. As a result, there were a few very tense Council meetings, followed by a shift in government policy away from apartheid practices. The conditions of White Martians then began to improve. Furthermore, the government hasn't released the information yet, so the thing which triggered the violence hasn't happened yet.
    With the SI absent and M'gann Red, that didn't happen during Renegade M'gann's visit. She shared the information freely, triggering wide scale civil unrest.
    If they go Burning again, then yes. Though it won't so much be a 'worry' as a 'necessity'.
     
    Sargon, Obliviated fan, Bgbg and 8 others like this.
Loading...