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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. Sockmonkey

    Sockmonkey Know what you're doing yet?

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    Honestly anyone who's spoken to Sivana for more than five minutes would know he'd have a giant robot battlesuit handy.
    OL has run into enough construct-proof/immune things that slapping three or four different modes of containment around something potentially dangerous should be SOP. That's just me being nitpicky though. I imagine he'll implement such a policy after this.
    I kind of hate stories that use time-travel in too casual a way, and/or have several sets of time-travel rules in the same universe. It works best as a rarely used thing for the sake of "what if" or to create a specific danger to base the conflict around. It's the old "keep your fictional rules consistent" rule for writing. Pulling out different sets of rules in the same story just to make a plot line work makes it seem like contrived garbage.
    When I do a story binge and re-read everything, the time trapper bit is one of the parts I skip, and I don't even skip the Grayven bits.
     
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  2. Queshire

    Queshire Not too sore, are you?

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    Sure. I mean, with a name like, 'Spine Rider,' I'm sure all it wants to do is give OL a big warm hug.
     
  3. AngelicKnight.

    AngelicKnight. Lewd demon of negotiable affection

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    On the spine.
     
  4. Mquz

    Mquz Versed in the lewd.

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    It’s the blue humanoid fairy-like things that ride on the backs of people’s spines and control them with their knives. They’ve been mentioned in both this and the Renegade part. Renegade found one on a politician while presenting to the UN.
     
  5. Prince Charon

    Prince Charon Just zis guy, you know?

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    Should I assume that 'ploin' is another word for 'pear,' in this context?
     
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  6. Baladar

    Baladar Getting out there.

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    At least the first person to attack OL with butterflies wasn’t Skitter in a crossover event.

    So he can win this one!
     
  7. Buggy123

    Buggy123 I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Don't be so sure just yet. The Sheeda are bug people after all, and we haven't seen who's in charge yet...
     
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  8. Steelplaza

    Steelplaza Making the rounds.

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    I like that the SI's ability to "manage" Sivana is sharply limited. He can manage it sometimes, but then sometimes Sivana is going to come along on your butterfly-gathering expedition and appeals to sweet reason get you nowhere.

    Looking forward even more to seeing Sivana have one of his mild freak-outs when things don't go his way. So far most of Orange Lantern's interactions with Sivana have been when he was feeling in control and even pleased with himself. I expect some mid-battle reversals and damage to Sivana's mech to be enough bring out some of his classic fist-shaking petulance. Squire is entirely right to be skeptical of 'working with' Sivana despite the many advantages he beings to the situation.
     
  9. SirKaid

    SirKaid Getting sticky.

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    OL wasn't kidding when he said that Sivana Sr. could best be compared to a high explosive with "point toward enemy" painted on one side.
     
  10. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker, Rookie Proofreader

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    Yes. It's a nod to All-Guardsmen Party, a Warhammer 40,000 roleplaying game story. All Guardsmen Party. Imagine a group of soldiers, fresh from a horrible meatgrinder of a military campaign being 'recruited' by the setting's unholy fusion of the CIA, the Jedi order and the KGB with a layer of religious fanaticism smeared on as glue. Hilarity ensues and missions usually go 'ploin-shaped' with amusing regularity. It's a good read.
    Plus, Ploin is just such a funny-sounding word...
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2019
  11. Gantradies

    Gantradies Know what you're doing yet?

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    dont forget their "inquisitorial transport".
    the Occurrence Border. oh sweet BAHAMUT the Occurrence border >.<
     
  12. Someguy Somewhere

    Someguy Somewhere The Critical Fumbler

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    To be fair they borrowed 'ploin-shaped' from the HERO OF THE IMPERIUM himself Ciaphas Cain, and his rather....interesting life spent sporting a fancy hat and sash in the name of the Emperor.

    Wonder if OL would like a nice bowl of Tanna, or he'd just make that taste like Black Currant as well.
     
  13. DAT_NOOB

    DAT_NOOB Accused of writing in a far away land

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    OL isn't British enough to like tea
     
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  14. Ardy

    Ardy Know what you're doing yet?

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    I’m legitimately shocked at how much good taste this thread is showing.

    Since he gave Zatanna a Sororitas costume, maybe he can give Jade an Inquisitor one...

    You know. For Valentines Day.
     
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  15. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    When was that again?
     
  16. Threadmarks: Sprited Away (part 18)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    18th February
    12:15 GMT -6


    Fastmovingpossibleconstructbypasspunch!

    The Spine Rider lunges at me and I'm not sure exactly how much contact its swords need in order to control someone. But its small size means that it can't reach my actual skin through my right gauntlet even if it got the angle exactly right and as it explodes around my knuckles I assure myself that it isn't going to get the chance.

    "The cocoons aren't butterf-"

    All across the wasteland Spine Riders pull themselves free and fly at us!

    "Fascinating."

    Dr Sivana moves his mech into the largest concentration, samplers darting out and grabbing any who fail to evade in time. Several are attempting to attack his cockpit but he grins to himself as they fail to penetrate his force field and are electrocuted by it. Some of the more enterprising ones are going for the joints of his suit's limbs, but at the moment he appears to be perfectly safe.

    Beryl is not safe, dodging and diving wildly as she attempts to leave the area. She's swinging her baton more to force them to fly more cautiously rather than as an actual focused attack, which seems perfectly sensible to me. Ordinarily she could just fly away, but the Spine Riders have wings, there isn't any cover in the air and she clearly doesn't want to find out whether or not they can bypass a kinetic barrier.

    Linda is effortlessly flash-frying any that bother approaching her, her wings at full extension and billowing in plumes of fire.

    I clap my arms against my chest where I briefly acquired some sheeda passengers and smear them against my cuirass. Filaments reach out and pick up one of their tiny swords, and my magnified view shows me the.. circuitry covering the surface. That will be… Useful. I wonder if the construct-disrupting effect is an absolute, or it only worked because the construct was relatively weak? I generate construct armour around myself and… Yes, their swords are leaving an impression, but they're not able to just ignore it.

    Good show.

    I fly at full speed towards where Beryl is panicking in a controlled sort of way, throwing up a construct dome around us-

    "Nice of you to remember!"

    -once I'm in position.

    "Sorry. The first one cut through my barrier and I wasn't sure this would hold. Is now a good time to upsell you on personal protective equipment?"

    She ignores me. "So these are Spine Riders, huh? Surprisingly… Pretty. I wasn't expecting the wings."

    "Doctor, have you got enough?!"

    "There's no such thing as too many samples!"

    "But there is such a thing as diminishing re-"

    Flame washes across the scrubland and incinerates all in its path. Spine Riders burn, their wings disintegrating first and dropping them into the burning brush.

    "-turns. Supergirl, explain."

    "They are converging on the town."

    Oh dear. Neither Garth nor Leonid are well-positioned to deal with an attack like that. Garth has his water armour which should keep them out, but I've got no idea whether they'll bypass Leonid's toughness or not. And Garth's not all that fast

    "Good call."

    Dr Sivana awkwardly clumps his mech around in a circle so that he can look at us. He doesn't look all that happy.

    "Find them and burn them. Minimise collateral damage. Orange Lantern to Tempest and Starfire-."

    "Tempest here."

    "We've found Spine Riders and they're heading your way." With surprising speed, given that they're using butterfly wings. "Kill them. If you see anyone behaving out of character, their preferred attachment-."

    "The back of the neck. I remember the briefing."

    "Supergirl is coming your way." She twists in the air, wings flaring as she heads in their direction. "I'd-. Getting people inside would probably help a bit." Americans. Projectile weapons and zombie films are not a good background for dealing with the victims of Spine Riders. "But the police and local gun owners won't."

    "Are you heading back?"

    Dr Sivana's mech clunks towards the mine entrance.

    "Not unless it's essential. I still need to keep an eye on Doctor Sivana. Call me if you're losing control of the situation."

    "I understand."

    Do we need additional force? It…

    "Fascinating."

    Darn it.

    The fires around us die for lack of fuel, and Beryl's already got a gas mask on. I spread out my shield and make it semi-permeable, letting new air in by keeping the worst of the smoke out.

    "Doctor!"

    Beryl follows as I march towards the mine entrance. "Why are we following him?"

    "Because we can't let the sheeda mind control him. Bluntly, losing the town would be better. You know how much damage he's done, and as far as he's concerned that was all incidental. If the sheeda have him when the harrowing happens he'll do a lot more than that."

    "… Fine." She looks back at the burned scrubland as we enter the mine proper. "How intelligent are those things we're killing?"

    "I really don't know."

    "Look here-."

    "I genuinely don't know. They've got enough magic about them that I can't see whether they've got complex desires or not. Given their size I'd guess not, but I really don't.. know…"

    A short distance inside the mine I see torn medical waste bags, dried blood-. Ring, check? Dried human blood and other fluids smeared on the surrounding rock. Someone brought that here? Active Spine Riders hiding in hospitals?

    Beryl spots it too. "Someone's been busy."

    There's a clunk as Dr Sivana's mech opens up further, legs lengthening at the cost of armour around the central trunk. He uses the extra height to grip the ceiling and floor, keeping weapons pointing deeper into the mine.

    "So it appears. I'm rather eager to find out who."

    "Do the sheeda eat human flesh?"

    "They didn't seem fussy when I was with them, but in the far future where would they get any? But if they were trying to adapt to human physiology… Now there's an idea."

    I walk under his cupola and then accelerate to a march.

    "We need this dealt with now. I'm taking point."
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2019
  17. thebishop8

    thebishop8 Umm, ackchyually...

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    Bramble Thorn and Mr Zoat like this.
  18. SirKaid

    SirKaid Getting sticky.

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    Isn't happening on my end, but I'm on a phone so that might be why.
     
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  19. Idkusername

    Idkusername Getting out there.

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    It’s looking perfectly fine to me, but them I’m on an iPad, so maybe it the browser causing problems.
     
  20. Idkusername

    Idkusername Getting out there.

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    Also, Mr Zoat, the update isn’t threadmarked.
     
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  21. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Well played.
    Thank you, corrected.
     
  22. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker, Rookie Proofreader

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    That could have gone extremely poorly. You really need standard procedures for this kind of situation...

    Of course he's not paying much attention to the dangers...

    ...And with good reason it appears. Fricking super-scientists.
    Correction: 'but he grins'

    No danger in the latter's case, plenty of it in Beryl's. Get on it, OL.

    And now he has designs for anti-construct blades? That'll come in handy sometime, Mister Chekhov.

    She's got a point. OL's getting a little too detached at times...

    Seriosuly, Beryl, powered armor is not against any kind of Superhero's code. Batman uses powered armor when needed...

    Toasty! Good to see she can cut loose when needed.

    Indeed. The town is definitely not colatteral damage, regardless of Sivana's opinion.

    Don't give him that look, Doctor. He is a superhero.

    Information pulled from OL's memory, or Sivana's first-hand knowledge? Wonder if they knew, if it was the latter.

    Dangit, Escort Missions are always hardest with uncooperative NPCs...

    Do you want to risk these things getting a hold of League members? Imagine Batman with a Spine Rider... Imagine Superman...

    At least they're not going to have a forest fire...
    Correction: 'make it semi-permeable'

    That is a scary thought. We're lucky he even escaped in the first place...

    And given the general Evillness of their culture, does it really matter?

    Ew. Also a scary thought.

    Priorities, Doctor. Intel first, killing second, unless you're at risk...

    TIme to show Sivana what a Lantern cutting loose looks like.

    Well, things are not great, but nothing's exploded yet. Yet. We'll see what tomorrow brings...
     
  23. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  24. Twilight666

    Twilight666 Not too sore, are you?

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    It's basically part of a running gag.
    Mr Zoat had an issue in his post (probably a tag was not closed correctly) and until it was fixed it was all in italics.
    He then fixed it almost immediately (you can tell because at that point there was not Last Edited: in his post).

    thebishop8 posted a heads up but in similar situations Mr Zoat's response is:
    So thebishop8 took a screenshot and added it as proof. Hence:
     
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  25. Ardy

    Ardy Know what you're doing yet?

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    Valentine’s Day 2012 I believe. He got a noise marine get up for himself, and together they went to go convince Games Workshop to not be awful and adapt his Ophidian-derived update.

    Too sleepy for link right now
     
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  26. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    No, I meant 'when was valentine's day?'...

    No, no, you've killed it.
     
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  27. Sceptic

    Sceptic Critical Irrationalist

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    I'm guessing that would be the day that Jade got extremely disappointed, about four days before Paul decided to play with Sheeda.
     
  28. Prince Charon

    Prince Charon Just zis guy, you know?

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    To be fair, he'd be far from the first guy to forget a date that is important to his significant other, it's just that forgetting Valentine's Day is an unusual and extreme outlier compared to 'the anniversary of our first date' or whatever (which is sometimes disputed as to which one counts as the first).
     
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  29. AidanMorgan

    AidanMorgan Only Mostly Mad

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    ... Serious question, is OL aware of the fact that he's being all kinds of overdramatic now? Seriously, the man's gone completely native.
     
  30. DrThoth

    DrThoth Know what you're doing yet?

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    I think Paragon's established himself as an 'unusual and extreme outlier' in most other ways, so Jade might be fine with it. I'm having a hard time picturing her being that sentimental though, at the risk of presuming- she's definitely warmed up to him and in general but she's still ex-assassin now training as a space-spy in possibly life-or-death scenarios. (Forgetting) Valentine's day doesn't seem like it would be one of her priorities.

    Speaking of dates and timing, is there a scheduled trial date for Paragon-Satanus? I don't think his situation has been mentioned since the episode he got taken down.
     
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