Mr Zoat
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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)
- Thread starter Mr Zoat
- Start date
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- self insert young justice
Signaller
Not too sore, are you?
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https://www.sciencealert.com/first-of-its-kind-cell-transplant-brings-a-cure-for-diabetes-closer - something similar here. I'm a little surprised the genomorphs aren't involved.
Mr Zoat
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Not everyone's comfortable with a symbiote, and they can't produce them all that fast yet.
Sordid Snake
(Verified Viper)
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Ok, NOT the cat. Right.
_The_Bomb
Not too sore, are you?
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Boo. If he's actually willing to try dating again then you should be aiming him at Diana!
Ardy
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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Final boss, give him time to warm up.
_The_Bomb
Not too sore, are you?
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Very sadly, it seems like Paul isn't going to be pointing Alan at Diana any time soon. Not after he explicitly told him not to play match maker any more.
Maybe Diana and Alan will make some progress on their own? Eventually. When I read this in 2030.
HappyHappy (part 3)
New
Mr Zoat
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29th August 2013
23:43 GMT -5
Wallace looks at me sceptically as I power on the fryer. "Are you sure this is legal?"
Artemis give him a mild glare. "Says the guy talking about dodging the F.D.A.."
"Magic medicine's gunna save lives and they don't really have anyone who can risk assess it anyway. This could actually get the cops called on us."
I load the fries into the fryer basket, and put the burgers on the hot plate. The fries I took out of stock, but the burgers came from subspace. It's not that America can't raise good beef… It's that they choose not to. "Their license doesn't allow them to open this late to sell food. It doesn't stop them -for example- cleaning the place up after the cut off time. And it doesn't stop them renting it out to someone to use it as a private kitchen, as they have to us."
And in the fries go.
"Does anyone actually want salad?"
Artemis shakes her head. "They buy it at the start of the day and it's nearly midnight so no?"
Wallace looks like he's about to agree, then something occurs to him. "Can you, like, re-crisp it?"
"I'm insulted that both of you think that I'm going to use any produce from here. Honestly? I'm only using the fries because I could remove the pesticide residue by power ring."
Wallace winces. "Come on, dude. Don't ruin fast food for me."
"Food and Drug Administration. Know your enemy."
Artemis looks… Mildly amused? "So, what, the lettuce comes from some tiny farm in France-"
"Italy, actually."
"-where you-. Is that where you used to get food for the base from?"
"It's one of a number of places I source high quality food from."
Flip the burgers, add the buns to the hotplate…
"I actually did a worldwide survey of everything we regularly eat, to find the best place to buy it."
"So are you having salad?"
"No. Lettuce is still lettuce."
Wallace considers. "So what have you got?"
"Just about everything. Though if you want fried onion you've-" I lift the fryer basket out of the fat and hook it up to drain. "-taken too long."
"You know what? Let's do this. Lettuce, onion, tomato and… What cheese you got?"
"Yes, Kid Flash. I even have the exploding maggot cheese, though if I take it out of subspace I have to arrest all of us."
"Isn't American cheese supposed to be perfect for burgers?"
"If you only care about the appearance of something that's covered by a bun, certainly. If you care about flavour, no. If you're asking for my recommendation, I suggest a small quantity of a strong cheese. Stilton, perhaps."
"What are you having?"
"I'm not, I don't like cheese-." Huh. "Did I ever tell you about what my mother did on my-. Fifteenth birthday?"
"Ah… No?"
"It had been know in my family since I was very young that I disliked cheese. My parents thought that my tastes would change as I got older, and I bet that they wouldn't. Five pounds was the prize-."
I remove the buns from the hotplate.
"So do you actually want salad?"
"I'll… Stick with lettuce, onion and tomayto. Artey?"
I take a lettuce out of subspace, slice through it with x-ionised knives and begin assembling.
"Same, I guess?"
I nod. "Tim?"
"Huh?" The youth whose brain I healed lifts his head up from the table. "What?"
Slice tomato above and below… "Do you want salad in your burger?"
"Oh. Ah, yeah, please."
Bun, lettuce, tomato, burger, tomato, lettuce, bun-.
Artemis is watching me do preparation. "What happened to the mayo?"
I shudder theatrically, then deposit mayonnaise and ketchup bottles onto the counter. Oh, and a salt grinder.
Bun, lettuce, tomato, onion, burger, onion, tomato, lettuce, bun, bun, lettuce, tomato, onion, burger, onion, tomato, lettuce, bun, bun, lettuce, tomato, onion, burger, onion, tomato, lettuce, bun, bun, onion, burger, onion, bun. Fries into the little cardboard boxes… And transition to the counter, placing everyone's meals in front of them.
Wallace takes hold of the salt grinder. "Seriously, dude?"
I take hold of it in an orange aura, spin it at high speed so that the salt falls into a construct hopper, transmute the grinder into a shaker, reintroduce the salt and then close the lid. "Happy?"
"Actually? Yes."
Artemis mayonnaises, then passes the bottle down the line. Tim does the same with the ketchup, Wallace passes the salt…
I take a bite of my burger. Naturally, it's perfect.
"Cheesecake was a not uncommon pudding in our household, but it was made out of this weird packet mix. I still don't know what exactly it was made of."
Artemis gestures with her burger. "Given how obsessive you are about food? Maybe you shouldn't look it up."
"I have looked it up on three separate occasions and had Miss Martian erase my memory of the results each time."
"Really?"
"No." She snorts with amusement. "So the day before my fifteenth birthday, the day when the bet would be won, for the first time in either of our lives, my mother made a cheesecake with actual cheese. I ate it. I liked it. And the five pounds was lost. Oh, she said that she'd forgotten all about the bet." I shake my head as I pick up a handful of-. Thank you Wallace, salted fries. "But I knew better. I knew better."
"Yeah, surprise cheesecake." Artemis nods, eyebrows raised. "My mom never did anything that sneaky."
Wallace takes a bit, chews, then-.
"Mmmm. Mss ms muh mnuhuh mrrmuh."
"I'm glad you think so. Tim, how the heck did an OMAC get shot up with superdrugs?"
23:43 GMT -5
Wallace looks at me sceptically as I power on the fryer. "Are you sure this is legal?"
Artemis give him a mild glare. "Says the guy talking about dodging the F.D.A.."
"Magic medicine's gunna save lives and they don't really have anyone who can risk assess it anyway. This could actually get the cops called on us."
I load the fries into the fryer basket, and put the burgers on the hot plate. The fries I took out of stock, but the burgers came from subspace. It's not that America can't raise good beef… It's that they choose not to. "Their license doesn't allow them to open this late to sell food. It doesn't stop them -for example- cleaning the place up after the cut off time. And it doesn't stop them renting it out to someone to use it as a private kitchen, as they have to us."
And in the fries go.
"Does anyone actually want salad?"
Artemis shakes her head. "They buy it at the start of the day and it's nearly midnight so no?"
Wallace looks like he's about to agree, then something occurs to him. "Can you, like, re-crisp it?"
"I'm insulted that both of you think that I'm going to use any produce from here. Honestly? I'm only using the fries because I could remove the pesticide residue by power ring."
Wallace winces. "Come on, dude. Don't ruin fast food for me."
"Food and Drug Administration. Know your enemy."
Artemis looks… Mildly amused? "So, what, the lettuce comes from some tiny farm in France-"
"Italy, actually."
"-where you-. Is that where you used to get food for the base from?"
"It's one of a number of places I source high quality food from."
Flip the burgers, add the buns to the hotplate…
"I actually did a worldwide survey of everything we regularly eat, to find the best place to buy it."
"So are you having salad?"
"No. Lettuce is still lettuce."
Wallace considers. "So what have you got?"
"Just about everything. Though if you want fried onion you've-" I lift the fryer basket out of the fat and hook it up to drain. "-taken too long."
"You know what? Let's do this. Lettuce, onion, tomato and… What cheese you got?"
"Yes, Kid Flash. I even have the exploding maggot cheese, though if I take it out of subspace I have to arrest all of us."
"Isn't American cheese supposed to be perfect for burgers?"
"If you only care about the appearance of something that's covered by a bun, certainly. If you care about flavour, no. If you're asking for my recommendation, I suggest a small quantity of a strong cheese. Stilton, perhaps."
"What are you having?"
"I'm not, I don't like cheese-." Huh. "Did I ever tell you about what my mother did on my-. Fifteenth birthday?"
"Ah… No?"
"It had been know in my family since I was very young that I disliked cheese. My parents thought that my tastes would change as I got older, and I bet that they wouldn't. Five pounds was the prize-."
I remove the buns from the hotplate.
"So do you actually want salad?"
"I'll… Stick with lettuce, onion and tomayto. Artey?"
I take a lettuce out of subspace, slice through it with x-ionised knives and begin assembling.
"Same, I guess?"
I nod. "Tim?"
"Huh?" The youth whose brain I healed lifts his head up from the table. "What?"
Slice tomato above and below… "Do you want salad in your burger?"
"Oh. Ah, yeah, please."
Bun, lettuce, tomato, burger, tomato, lettuce, bun-.
Artemis is watching me do preparation. "What happened to the mayo?"
I shudder theatrically, then deposit mayonnaise and ketchup bottles onto the counter. Oh, and a salt grinder.
Bun, lettuce, tomato, onion, burger, onion, tomato, lettuce, bun, bun, lettuce, tomato, onion, burger, onion, tomato, lettuce, bun, bun, lettuce, tomato, onion, burger, onion, tomato, lettuce, bun, bun, onion, burger, onion, bun. Fries into the little cardboard boxes… And transition to the counter, placing everyone's meals in front of them.
Wallace takes hold of the salt grinder. "Seriously, dude?"
I take hold of it in an orange aura, spin it at high speed so that the salt falls into a construct hopper, transmute the grinder into a shaker, reintroduce the salt and then close the lid. "Happy?"
"Actually? Yes."
Artemis mayonnaises, then passes the bottle down the line. Tim does the same with the ketchup, Wallace passes the salt…
I take a bite of my burger. Naturally, it's perfect.
"Cheesecake was a not uncommon pudding in our household, but it was made out of this weird packet mix. I still don't know what exactly it was made of."
Artemis gestures with her burger. "Given how obsessive you are about food? Maybe you shouldn't look it up."
"I have looked it up on three separate occasions and had Miss Martian erase my memory of the results each time."
"Really?"
"No." She snorts with amusement. "So the day before my fifteenth birthday, the day when the bet would be won, for the first time in either of our lives, my mother made a cheesecake with actual cheese. I ate it. I liked it. And the five pounds was lost. Oh, she said that she'd forgotten all about the bet." I shake my head as I pick up a handful of-. Thank you Wallace, salted fries. "But I knew better. I knew better."
"Yeah, surprise cheesecake." Artemis nods, eyebrows raised. "My mom never did anything that sneaky."
Wallace takes a bit, chews, then-.
"Mmmm. Mss ms muh mnuhuh mrrmuh."
"I'm glad you think so. Tim, how the heck did an OMAC get shot up with superdrugs?"
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Chojin Patriarch
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Love that bait-and-switch. You think OL is going to employ some form of torture on someone... Despite him having many ways to make you talk... But no, he's just cooking a late dinner.
Presumably because of the circumstances, not the act of cooking. Honestly, I suspect the place is going to be cleaner after OL leaves than it has ever been.
Good meat isn't profitable enough, sadly. The sheer scale of American ingredient usage kind of precludes more quality-friendly methods.
At least they know OL will do the fries right. I've had some shockingly bad chips over the years (including at least one occasion of someone pulling the wrong basket and dishing up fries that had barely been defrosted. I did NOT eat those ones, and the staff member I showed them to immediately binned the whole supply, good and bad.)
At least it's reasonably fresh these days thanks to shipping difficulties...
Don't worry, it's only a worry if you consume a few hundred pounds at once? Then again, Kid Flash still hasn't quite corrected that issue yet, has he?
Hey, when you basically have infinite money and instant travel, well...
So when he cooks for the Team, they're eating the most gourmet of gourmet ingredients. Wonder if any of them notice the difference from regular restaurants...
For nutritional optimisation if nothing else. Tasting good is merely a side-effect.
And do you really expect someone who's Enlightened of their desires to eat something they don't want to?
Since they take even longer to do, and OL is not going to have someone waiting to eat while the rest of them chow down.
That is actually a thing, yes, and it is illegal due to health concerns.
And American 'cheese' only qualifies as cheese on a technicality.
More that you don't like the sort of thing commonly called cheese that's available in most stores?
A decent amount in the Nineties. Probably enough for a decent fast food meal. Or at least McDonalds.
To be clear, he means 'do you want green bits on your burger', not a salad meal, I suppose. feels a bit cheeky to want the latter while everyone else is eating his gourmet burgers.
Okay, now that's gonna be crisp.
Ah, now we see why they're doing this. I don't doubt patching him up took a lot out of the kid's system, and it'll put him at ease to answer their questions...
This'll be something he tells his grandkids about. The night he had burgers with superheroes, after they saved his life... Though I suspect he'll leave out the circumstances of how and why.
Be glad they didn't ask for any specific restaurant's 'special' burger sauces. Not that I don't doubt he'd have some in stock anyway.
Bun, lettuce, tomato, onion, burger, onion, tomato, lettuce, bun, bun, lettuce, tomato, onion, burger, onion, tomato, lettuce, bun, bun, lettuce, tomato, onion, burger, onion, tomato, lettuce, bun, bun, onion, burger, onion, bun. Fries into the little cardboard boxes… And transition to the counter, placing everyone's meals in front of them.
Hey, if you want the salt, you get the good stuff.
Ah, teenagers.
...You don't want to know. I suspect you'd feel obliged to level the factories that produce it.
Artemis, you know him. If he wanted to forget that stuff, he wouldn't even need M'gann to erase his memory...
A mother never forgets. And certainly never forgives, at that. And for what it's worth, salting the fries does help them go crispier after frying.
Something about chemical binding or the like?See? Never forgets. And she got to prove a point, so double win.
That is a very important question everyone would like answered, definitely.
I certainly hope he can shed some light on this mystery, even if he isn't highly placed enough to provide any insight into the source of said superdrugs. I hope Batman appreciates the effort they're going to on chasing down this lead, since any way to subvert OMACs is a definite security risk...
Vaermina
Well worn.
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As someone who actually knows how to cook a good burger... This chapter offends me on several different levels...
Silverias
Not too sore, are you?
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"American cheese isn't as good. I recommend this."
"I don't like cheese."
Let me be clear, even if you're correct, I don't trust your judgement and you come off like a snob, and not just a little bit of a snob.
"I don't like cheese."
Let me be clear, even if you're correct, I don't trust your judgement and you come off like a snob, and not just a little bit of a snob.
Z000
If this is trash, then find me in the dumpster
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Paul have been a snob as far back as we know him
heck, he have upgrade how much of a snob he is about everything
it is the one thing we all agree about
Istaran
Know what you're doing yet?
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He started out snobby enough about fiat currency it would spontaneously combust in his presence.
Z000
If this is trash, then find me in the dumpster
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i don't know how much of Paul is the same as Zoat but given all the thing Paul have said over the course of the 10+ years of this fic
i would not want to be in a room with this man for more then 10 minutes because he will find something to complain about
CTrees
Chasing the ring
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Yes, he is quite British. This shouldn't be a surprise.
Anyway, American cheese works well for burgers because it melts well. That's it. It has sodium citrate or a similar emulsifying salt that helps with the melting point and fluid retention, which lets it both melt at a relatively low temperature and retain a good consistency. Flavor is a secondary concern.
Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
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If you were in the same room as the SI, you'd want to be in the same room as the SI, because he probably just saved your life.
Wanting people to better themselves is not snobbery. It's assuming they can't because they're a lesser class of being that's snobbery.
boo600
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...huh? New Robin? Did the local cloning facility/orphan farm run out of funds-
*Rereads*
Oh, it's the OMAC kid. Cool.
Yeessssssssss... Peak WTR. This is the good stuff/
But seriously, I've missed this. Paul, chatting with the Team and also trying to teach them to eat actual food and not... 'product.'
He has a potion that he makes; he's not full-Flash speed like the Renegade, but he doesn't need to eat One of Everything for every meal.
Speaking as someone who grew up in America, and wanted proper Ham and Cheeses to fit in, having eaten tons of it? And having had actual cheese?
American 'cheese' is not cheese. It is plastic mush, vaguely flavored with cheese powder. Literal fucking petroleum jelly. Do not fucking eat it, or I will laugh at you for your melodramatic choice in suicide methods; an overpowered diuretic would be faster, less painful, and at least taste better going down, while bestowing an exit to this vale of tears that provides comparative dignity.
Shrieking for dread Cthulhu to devour oneself would at least be possessed of a delusional, mad grandeur! Stabbing oneself upon an altar could convey a depth of drama! Jumping off a cliff above sharp rocks would at least be fast!
American Cheese?
Even the masochists won't touch that stuff. I'd recommend a sanitarium, but in America - in addition to the shit care designed to traumatize you into hiding your issues and the insurance designed to strip your finances past the bone - they'd probably feed the stuff to you.
And speaking as an American, I cannot comprehend anyone else ever defending our 'cheese' for even a moment, in the tiniest scrap of jest.
TLDR: Paul is not displaying snobbery. He is -very gently - attempting to course correct the children he is surrounded by, so they do not eat plastic.
Intense gagging.
I am tempted to sig this. Especially after seeing attempts at defending American 'cheese.'
mastermenthe
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I assume people can't better themselves because of trauma-induced disabilities/habitual indoctrination. Does that count?
Duke Long
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Inconsistent plurality. Might be just informal dialogue rather than an error.
Haha, I suppose using x-ionised blades for cooking isn't really more extreme than using a power ring, but perhaps because I'm less used to it it really sticks out to me.
Are these like the McDonalds boxes? I hate those because when I pour salt and vinegar on them, they leak from the bottom. Usually it isn't a problem, fortunately, because McDonalds fries are bad anyway so I rarely eat them. Fries in general tend to be unimpressive really, I usually stick to proper chips.
'take'
'liked'
Yeah, cheesecake cheese is quite different. I also dislike cheese but have enjoyed a real cheesecake. Though it was the sort of sweet where I felt nauseated after eating maybe a third-half. And one of my family members nicked the rest of it when I left it in the fridge.
RichardWhereat
Aia airëa Fëanáro.
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A level of pronunciation spite I can get behind. Tomahto.
CrazyNoVa
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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Then how do you cook a good burger?
Clell65619
Know what you're doing yet?
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He's not all that British. He hasn't fieldstripped everything of value in every place he's been down to the bedrock and shipped it to the British Museum...
By the standards established by the Empire, he's a damned colonial.
_The_Bomb
Not too sore, are you?
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Personally, I'm most partial to Horseradish Cheddar. Horseradish itself is phenomenal with red meat, and burgers are no exception.
The aforementioned Horseradish Cheddar is exactly as it sounds; a combination of cheddar cheese and horseradish. Typically people add it to roast beef sandwiches but burgers are a great use case too!
Silverias
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This is just plainly wrong.
American cheese is just a mix of yellow cheeses (mostly cheddar and Colby) and an emulsifier like sodium citrate so that it doesn't separate when melting. They also may add milk
If you heard someone say "oh, they can't even call it cheese, its basically plastic with all the oil in it" congrats, you've internalized something you heard without checking or thinking about it. Things like kraft singles just have too much milk to be called pure cheese. It's cheap and melty, but your understanding is purely pop culture and not vaguely resembling reality.
boo600
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"A mix of ingredients that must include at least 51% cheese (such as a traditionally made cheddar or Colby) is ground, combined with emulsifying agents and other ingredients that may total up to 49%, mixed and heated until it forms a melted homogeneous mixture.[8] Sodium citrate is an important additive at this time, as it prevents the cheese fats from separating.[2] The cheese mixture is then heated to a temperature of at least 150 °F (66 °C) for a minimum of 30 seconds during pasteurization.[8]"
I feel that's not too far off, but yes, you are correct. It is half-cheese- though I still wouldn't call it edible. It's still a disgusting poison that focuses on cheaply filling you up, and the nutritional value is almost incidental.
I feel that's not too far off, but yes, you are correct. It is half-cheese- though I still wouldn't call it edible. It's still a disgusting poison that focuses on cheaply filling you up, and the nutritional value is almost incidental.
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Darko
Connoisseur.
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"tomato"
"I liked it"
He also doesn't like tea.
SerbobIV
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The best cheesecake is made with cottage cheese
That and the super fluffy Japanese style are the only kinds I can stomach.