Negetiations
2nd August 2012
09:00 GMT
"No, no, I like it.
"
I look up at the anatomy arena, as physicians, magicians, medically and theologically orientated Lanterns and a surprising number of Controllers look back.
"Very nineteenth century. And since that was when my country was at the peak of its relative power, I'm taking that as a good sign.
"
Hinon shakes her head.
"Please limit yourself to pertinent comments. Stand there."
Rather than nod or point, she merely looks at a point just a little back from the centre of the examination space. I shrug and stride over to my appointed place before turning back to her. I widen my stance and spread my arms a little.
"Like this?
"
"Acceptable." She glances up at the audience for a moment before holding out her right hand and calling a small tool to her.
"Not a
bad showing. How do you feel about the turnout?
"
"If I recall correctly, don't your species wrap screens about crashed ground vehicles, in order to prevent others jamming your highways by ghoulishly staring at them?"
"No. Sometimes we just
let people watch. We learn best from worked examples, and it's hard to get a better example than an actual wreck with actual mangled bodies in it.
"
"I'm sure that you're every bit as fascinating as a mangled piece of wreckage."
"High praise. But really. I know that you're ancient, but I'm reasonably well informed on Guardian history and I don't think you've had this sort of following amongst the younger races
ever. The Controllers separated before they started up the
Halla. Isn't this a novel experience for you?
"
"I have personally created more species than are represented here. And many of them I created intentionally."
"Nothing?
"
"As much as anything else."
"You want to swap places after this, see if I can fix that? It can't be a pleasant way to live.
"
"The day I trust an infant like you to 'fix' my psyche is the day I let you. It will not be swift in coming."
I smile.
"Are you doing this? I didn't think you were a magician.
"
"Do you just not pay attention when I say how old I am? I don't habitually use magic because taking advantage of the etheric ripples created by beings younger and weaker than me is wasteful."
"So-?
"
The three Lanterns who will be serving as her assistants enter.
Lantern Natu I recognise at once. I raise my right hand in greeting, but she remains almost aggressively impassive. I've rather been avoiding her since she caved to common sense and picked up the ring I left with her, but I suppose the chance to study me was more than she could pass up.
The
other two I don't immediately recognise, though I do recognise Lantern… Nax's? Species. Vagabond Dominator knock-offs, the Naidroth Collective are a minor but persistent nuisance across this galaxy, unnecessarily vivisecting people for data they could just as easily get by asking for a data file at a local hospital. I've firmly categorised them as 'Stupid Evil', though by Dungeons and Dragons definitions I suppose that they'd be 'Unwise Evil'. And the other fellow is…
Lantern Hieronymous the Under-Achiever. That's… That's actually the name on his file.
"I
did recruit a number of wizards whose surnames aren't 'under-achiever'.
"
"
No need to worry about that, Lord Illustres!" He's smiling too much for someone that far gone into the orange light. "
My problem was always one of motivation!" I can see the sigils in his eyes. I'm… Genuinely surprised that he's functional. "
And with the orange light driving me on, there's no stopping me!"
Oh. It… Looks like actually being able to do something useful is such a novel experience for him that even in what should be full megalomaniacal mode he's actually fairly placid.
"Okay, so where do you want to start?
"
Lantern Natu nods. "Please remove your ring and your clothes."
"As you wish.
"
My robes vanish into subspace, followed by my underwear. My ring I float over to Controller Hinon. She looks at it for a moment, then sends it over to her equipment rack with a wave of her left hand.
"Okay, so what's ne-?
"
My point of view jumps forward, and a humanoid-. That's the back of my head. There's also a non-trivial amount of pain, but that's far more manageable. Empathic vision is still working…
"This is strange.
"
Lantern Nax blinks at me.
"Are you not in pain?"
"A bit. What's happening?
"
"I have physically separated your different body tissues so that we may more easily study them."
"Um. How?
"
"My parents called it
psychic vivisection. I'm not exactly sure how it works. I have never done it to anyone who didn't immediately start screaming in agony."
"It
hurts, but I wouldn't say that it's scream-worthy. Then again, I suspect that I'm not an entirely physical intelligence any more.
"
I try moving, but my perspective doesn't change. I can however see my arm moving in front of me. So I assume that I'm floating off the ground, and… My tissues have been separated?
"We shall study how that works in detail. Lantern Natu?"
"The subject is an adult humanoid male of the human species, thirty one years of age. Currently occupying his third body after the first was destroyed by magic-using Source-worshippers-"
"And sword-using.
"
"-and the second was destroyed in a qwa-matter explosion."
I look up-. And wave up at Lantern Gozzi.
"The subject has used his ring to turn each body into a facsimile of his original, which he considered to be 'ideal'. Here, we will compare the structures of his body to his original and study the effect of intense orange light exposure on neurological structures. Please hold any questions until the end."
Oh joy.