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SHINOBI: The RPG - New Game

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Fulcon, Jun 17, 2020.

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  1. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    Pretty sure people that derogatory, and brief are just looking for attention. Giving it to them is the most likely method to get them to come back for more. Please don't. Also edited my last post to comment on the Danzo paranoia angle. It was most recent post at time, and I don't want it to accidentally get skipped over in page transition.
     
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  2. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Yeah, I've got all the room in the world to get Daisuke involved in screwing over Root's day.

    Before canon Naruto even starts!

    Hm, good point. I can't reach through the screen and throttle him, so ignoring him is the best option.
     
  3. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    Also suddenly Tsunade's megaton punch is the easiest method to catch the attention of team Gai, if you want that friendship to build early. Being a year older than Naruto they were theoretically in Daisuke's class year, and are a team right now.

    You could even say that with Kakashi actually having a team to believe in at this point in the timeline Gai, his best friend and eternal rival, may push to do chunin exams with a fresh team where he waited a year in canon.

    Less super big main important thing, more interesting fun option I noticed.
     
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  4. dragondude

    dragondude Not too sore, are you?

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    I wonder if daisuke would risk letting kakashi know his powers are artificial and come with an instruction manual. On one hand theres daisuke's fear of being vivisected or whatever. On the other hand, kakashi just promised he wouldn't let anything happen to him, feels pretty strongly about protecting his colleagues, and knowing the details of how his 'bloodline' works would cut through a lot of the bullshit and tension that had hokage and kakashi restrict him so he could grow naturally(which iirc was a major issue). On the third, mutant hand, this is absolute paranoia fuel for konoha about the man in green. This man can make bloodlines, definitely snuck in konoha to visit the orphanage, and now the lack of hospital reporting on daisuke's healing makes terrifying sense.

    Given that daisuke shared the book with the rookie nine in another version, I think he's not opposed to sharing if he feels secure. Besides, as soon as daisuke starts describing his abilities with numbers, it's going to sound really unnatural.
     
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  5. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    If Daisuke DOES share, I would expect a binding agreement that his bloodline be declared an S class secret, that no written record exist, and restrict the knowledge to teammates, the hokage, and any future subjects at Daisuke's sole discretion.

    He just got confirmation that there is a powerful conspiracy of some sort after him, that they set this trap up years ago likely with knowledge gained under Konoha's nose, and that any information shared outside the strict need to know people is directly dangerous to him, and everyone around him.

    He may or may not share everything, or doctor out some of the outside context reasoning that would make no sense to them, but a sane man wants SOME info security if possible in a situation like this.

    Advantages of doing so would include contextualizing for Hiruzen WHY their first meeting was so unsettling, allowing his team to more effectively optimize his learning, preventing slip ups in future, and getting into dramatic meat early and fast.

    "disadvantages" would include the nigh certainty of Danzo and possibly Orochimaru finding out due to Hiruzen fucking up info sec. He was never good at keeping things from Danzo, and there's no telling what Kabuto could pick up if he tried if root is up on it. Air quotes on disadvantages on the grounds that Daisuke would almost certainly disagree with my bloodlust about advantage states on this paragraph.

    Edited for fucking typos.
     
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  6. cazador

    cazador Versed in the lewd.

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    Evil and hated by all?
     
  7. ArcaneReader

    ArcaneReader Master Of The Arcane (Not)

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    Dont forget ugly and a pain in the ass.
     
  8. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    Really man? We've already had this conversation. Do you want to clutter the thread with the inevitable snipe fest?
     
  9. ArcaneReader

    ArcaneReader Master Of The Arcane (Not)

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    Sorry If he responds I'll bring it to PM's
     
  10. Chara Dreemurr

    Chara Dreemurr Determined to find LOVE

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    Hmmm, if you are opposed to Jutsu for the hand signs. Have you thought about going down the Tai-jutsu route? No need to waste the half a nanosecond to throw out a nuke when you can just punch one into existence, right?

    Though I do think you are really reaching for reasons to complain. "Oh my god, I need to do hand signs to use the magic system. urgh who even wants that? Why didn't I get inserted into starwars or perhaps something with total brutal efficiency and gritty realism?" That is how you sound, you are complaining about every cool aspect about the story.

    You literally can't fight the enemies without the Jutsu. AND YOU STILL COMPLAIN. Have you heard of game balance? Have you heard of cool and intricate magic systems? Badass fights where giving up a small fraction of your effort to send out an attack that can and does change the flow of battle. Such as not being able to damage something against being able to 2 shot it at range...

    Nothing against the writer, but Daisuke is acting like a spoilt brat who just wants to get to the broken op untouchable unbeatable stage you got him to before you decided to rewrite the story again. Remember, games are supposed to be balanced. And while Bethesda doesn't know that, anyone trying to make an interesting and compelling story should.

    Rant over, still looking forwards to the boss fight time!
     
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  11. ALIAS FAKENAME

    ALIAS FAKENAME Know what you're doing yet?

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    Okay first of all he has an 80 in Taijutsu and like he said in story Taijutsu wouldn’t do a lot to the “Wallies” so his only option is lightning Jutsu witch he has to do three handsigns for and this is slow because he has a somewhat low ninjutsu skill if he had it maxed he would’t be complaining because then he’d be faster with the Jutsu.
     
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  12. Chara Dreemurr

    Chara Dreemurr Determined to find LOVE

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    Yes, but it seems like he won't ever be satisfied unless he is a walking god. He doesn't have any idea of what build he wants to go. What he want's to specialize in for the short term against the many enemies he will fight. I don't care if he becomes a god after Kaguya, but if he becomes that strong beforehand then the story loses tension and becomes almost boring.

    Character conflicts and motivational conflicts and combat conflicts. 3 core aspects of shows like Naruto. Even if he doesn't, just the fact his character seems to be unsatisfied unless there is 0 conflict and he is a god yet that situation contributed to absolute no enjoyment from his previous story because once you are that op, where is the tension?


    He was a powerless human before this right? Probably somewhat a fan of naruto? Yet he seems to hate Naruto as a powersystem entirely because it isn't absolutely perfect for combat, as if he was in the army or some special forces unit that NEEDS perfection. Let alone the fact he STILL had it easier then literally everyone else in the series and will inevitably become one of the strongest if not the strongest ninja in all of history forever.

    He is a genin, Not a chunin, not a jonin, not ANBU and certainly not hokage. I just think he should appreciate what he has rather than insult it all the time for not being a teleporting invincible nuke dispenser. It doesn't speak great things about his strength of character. I think he should just be aiming to be 'strong enough' for the enemies he will be facing rather then worry about being able to stop Kaguya before Shippuden even starts.

    ... I think i said rant over? Damn it, I just enjoy the idea of this story too much that I really want to see it do well this time. Can't help but go off on a tangent!
     
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  13. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    Oh what have we had while I was ou- Oh. An argument about being dissatisfied with handsign speed. The important thing to remember is that finding the limitations of one's early skill set and getting annoyed at it this early on is a good method of humanizing a character.

    Daisuke would be a lot less interesting if he just stoic-ed through things that would logically be dissatisfying. Who wants to read about a statue?:p

    Yes the wordplay was deliberate. No he didn't used to be a statue even if he did look it.

    Finally, being impatient about becoming a god is perfectly reasonable when becoming a god is an assumed part of the system. Seal free jutsu was literally a perk mentioned out loud. Also this isn't a game even though this is a game. It's his life now. Show of hands, who self limits when they actually have to live with being underpowered in a world with regular death combat?
     
  14. Chara Dreemurr

    Chara Dreemurr Determined to find LOVE

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    I'd be happily sent to darksouls. IRL I feel like I am underpowered in a virus riddled apocalyptic hell hole. At least I'd know what I'm getting into and would fast learn to get good. :p But seriously good point. I'll just have to see how things play out.
     
  15. Bellcross

    Bellcross Plot is king

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    you'd die, over and over (you wouldn't even have that itself) (One life for Norme earth human)
    What the game shows you, and what you actually experience aren't necessarily de-same..
    It's kinda like Lore Skyrim and Novels, vs Video game Skyrim...there's a difference, to say the least.

    What I'm talking about, if you were literally transported to the Darksouls Verse, with you Normie earth Body you'd be utterly fucked... Dark souls Humanity isn't our humanity...conceptually their different, origin wise... they're vastly different.

    Unless a CYOA benefactor or something of that capacity changes you, your utterly fucked.
     
  16. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Please keep the discussion on the topic of the fic.

    I would help with that, but I want to keep my ramblings on the fic for when the House arc is finished. Mostly because my thoughts are all as coherant as scrambled eggs due to how much writing I've done recently.
     
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  17. Darkarma

    Darkarma Loli Ōtsutsuki

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    Between wall/water walking and the gates that Lee can use the megaton punch would be ideal for him to learn since it doesn't require any hand seals, only raw chakra control which clearly he does have some access to.

    For reference wall walking and Lee, it was the Gaara retrieval arc when Lee was ripping off the seal from the cliff side.
     
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  18. Anthony1967

    Anthony1967 Not too sore, are you?

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    Gimme the chapters, I need my fix!
     
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  19. Threadmarks: Chapter 7: Nevermore - Werecrow
    Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    The Following is a fan based work of fiction: Naruto and Naruto: Shippuden are owned by Shueisha, Viz Entertainment and Masashi Kishimoto. Please support the official release.

    * * *

    My first instinct was to Body Flicker out of the way and I made it! Mostly because Kakashi-sensei tackled the thing mid jump and kicked it to the ground, propelling himself backward. He landed on a back flip, smoothly uncovering his sharingan eye in a single motion.

    I was on the other side of the room at this point, so the bird...man-bird...werecrow. The werecrow locked eyes on Kakashi and charged again. Everything seemed oddly muted, like I expected the Werecrow to weigh something and it’s footfalls weren’t making any sound.

    Oh, right. He already popped my eardrums. That’s actually a good thing since that means he can’t just screech me to death.

    Kakashi flew through a series of hand signs. “Lightning Style: Thunder Ring Technique!”

    From Kakashi’s hands flew four loops of lightning, snapping and cracking as they flew to the werecrow in an instant, who leaped into the air, wings spread. With a single flap, he let loose a storm of feathers right down on all of us.

    I jumped to the right, watching with more than a little trepidation as the feathers completely embedded themselves into the concrete floor where I was just standing. Looking back up at the werecrow, it flapped it’s wings and dove right for me!

    Body Flicker away from him and wind up on the opposite side of the lab.

    I wasn’t thinking, I wasn’t coming up with a plan, I was just scared.

    The small, sane part of my mind said that I should stay close to the thing so I could pop him with Tsunade’s Megaton Punch. I was specced for Taijutsu, running away was the antithesis of using it.

    There wasn’t a save game I could load if I screw up and this thing was terrifying. I wasn’t sure I could fight it.

    Come on, you coward! At least use Chakra Strings!

    ...wait, that’s genius. Thanks, me!

    I span around and saw that Kakashi had caught the werecrow’s attention again, this time with a thrown kunai which exploded some point behind it as it charged my Jounin-sensei. Hisako and Nichiren were both out of sight, so I had to assume they had taken cover underneath tables in the lab, meaning it was just me, Kakashi and the werecrow.

    “Lightning Style: Defensive Static Technique!”

    Kakashi was surrounded by a lightning field. Arcing from his body, bolts of lightning struck the werecrow, who immediately jumped away with it’s powerful legs and into the air. It faced toward me and started flapping it’s wings.

    Once, twice, thrice.

    That was a lot of feathers.

    148/225 HP.

    Your head is crippled!

    MY EYE!

    WHY?

    WHY DID IT HAVE TO HIT ME IN THE EYE?

    OW!

    OW!

    JEEZEWHYWHYWHY-

    99/225 HP.

    It was at that moment that something large, powerful and angry land on top of me, slamming me into the ground and pinning me there. Massive talons dug their way into my torso, causing massive tides of blood to gush out of my heart and arteries. My whole world became pain, even as the thing span me around to look me dead in the eyes.

    Your torso is crippled!

    The only thing I saw in it’s obsidian eyes was my reflection, seeing an eye that was popped and leaking red. It outstretched it’s arms and started flying upward.

    ...I was going to die.

    I was going to die and I was too scared and too hurt to do anything.

    No.

    It was going to drop me down on the ground and that was going to be it for Daisuke.

    Wouldn’t matter if I had armor, either, fall damage ignores things like Damage Reduction to prevent people from falling into black abysses and be unable to get out.

    No!

    Come on Daisuke, you’ve got a good shot at it’s torso! What was the point of grinding all those skill points if you weren’t ever going to use them?

    At the top of the lab, the werecrow let go.

    That’s when I was able to act.

    60/85 Chakra.

    I created a series of chakra strings to tie me to the beast and pulled me, feet first into the bird, channeling chakra into my heels. With a splattered shower of blood and gore, I flew through the thing’s midsection like a hot knife through butter.

    Quest Completed: Nevermore.

    Completed: Defeat the Avian.

    9,200 / 15,000 EXP.

    At that second, I realized that I could just use chakra strings to pull me to the ceiling, so I did and...when I tried to use the strings, the walls glowed with crimson seals, slurping them up like spaghetti noodles.

    Oh.

    Right.

    Well, it was worth a try.

    I think my heart would’ve stopped if I weren’t so...not tired, but weary.

    So I dropped.

    I felt the blood I still had seemingly change direction as I started to fall. I was going to hit the ground and – Kakashi-sensei caught me thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.

    79/225 HP.

    Great, I’m bleeding. That’s...that’s great.

    Kakashi had also taken a few feathers, they stuck out of his flack jacket, circled by crimson blood stains. He was talking to me, rapidly, it seemed, but I just tapped on the side of my head. “I can’t hear you.”

    After a moment, he gently passed me to Hisako’s waiting arms, who cradled my head against her chest, tears running down her face. Looking off to the side, I saw Kakashi hold a gleaming, silver key that had bits of gore still caked to the ring.

    He dashed out of my view, presumably to go unlock the door.

    ...why did it have to be my eye? I always hated eye-patches. I don’t want an eye-patch.

    We immediately went through the unlocked door. Wasn’t there a portcullis? Probably retracted at the monster’s death. Through the door was the cool breeze of the outdoors. Only a few minutes later, we were surrounded by ANBU.

    Kakashi directed them inside the house. I carefully looked over to the door and saw that, indeed, there was still a lab through the mansion’s front door. Thank goodness it hadn’t rearranged itself after we left.

    Well, good to see that the investigation was going to happen fast.

    59/225 HP.

    Kakashi took me from Hisako and he bolted it to the hospital. My head was the consistency of pate right now, or I’d be protesting this as unnecessary; I can’t afford a hospital visit. I mean, I can, but there were other things I wanted to buy. Like furniture for my apartment.

    ...oh, it hurts…

    I was placed on a gurney and finally, I was able to go to sleep. I’m sleeping for hours because I know the surgeons are going to want to do surgery or whatever.
    * * *
    As expected, when I woke up, I was not in pain anymore. Quickly, I reached for one of my storage scrolls and came up empty. I was wearing a hospital gown.

    “You’re awake!”

    Hisako stood up, looking at me with a huge, relieved smile. She reached in to hug me. “I almost thought we lost you!”

    I returned the hug and felt really warm inside for some reason. Just..I don’t know.

    “How are you still alive?” Nichiren asked, his eyes wide as ramen bowls. “You lost so much blood!”

    “Don’t question it,” Hisako muttered, letting out a pleased hum as her hug got tighter.

    “Believe me, I’m happy too,” Nichiren replied. “But...I thought for sure you’d bleed out on our way to the hospital.”

    “Was it really that bad?” I asked.

    Charisma Check Failed: 1/3.

    Wait, failed?

    Oh...shoot. My henge dispelled...and I was in a hospital gown.

    “Does it matter?” Hisako asked with a huff.

    “I mean...kind of?” I just shrugged, quickly reapplying my henge. “I’m just curious is all.”

    Hisako immediately frowned.

    Charisma Check Failed: 4/6.

    Okay, when I get my jumpsuit back, I’m going to think really hard on this encounter to find out exactly why she’s upset. Maybe it’s the same reason Ayame was upset and that it’s sadness on my behalf? That would melt my creepy little heart.

    I think I lost most of the blood during the initial attacks, then the Damage Over Time effect of the bleed affected me after the fight. Then combined with the particle affects of the bleed, if that even is a thing. Or maybe it’s simpler than that and I just lost hitpoints as I lost blood.

    Let’s go with the latter.

    “Though to be honest, I’m glad we made it out alive,” I said with a smile. “Pulling a success out of a mission like that? Says good things about the future.”

    “No kidding,” Nichiren replied. “I’m never asking the cursed question again.”

    “The mission was already going to be terrible,” I rebutted, my brow furrowing. “You asking the question just annoyed me.”

    “But still.”

    “So, Daisuke?” Hisako asked. “Why are you using your old henge?”

    I blinked and thought in confusion what she was talking about...oh. Right, I said I increased the strength of my henge. “Habit.”

    “He’s probably still exhausted from the fight, Hisako,” Nichiren came to my defense. “Just reverting to habit is all.”

    “Oh okay,” Hisako nodded.

    Then the door to my hospital room got kicked in.

    “Where is he?” It was Naruto. He looked like he had just seen a ghost, rapidly looking around and eyes settling on me. He let out a massive sigh of relief as color started to return to his skin. “Daisuke! There you are! Are you okay?”

    “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Nichiren said, standing up and barring Naruto’s path to me. “What are you doing here?”

    “That’s my best friend,” I immediately said, hopping off the gurney. Not going to lie, seeing that Nichiren bought into the whole ‘Naruto is a demon fox’ thing really annoyed me. “Yeah, I’m fine Naruto.”

    He pushed past Nichiren and tackled me with a hug. “I was so worried! I heard you lost your eye and there was this haunted house and a giant bird and…”

    Word travels fast.

    “Who did you hear that from?” I asked.

    “I heard the guy in the cool mask telling the old man about it,” Naruto immediately said. “Before he told me that you were in the hospital. But...wait…”

    He stepped back, looking me up and down with suspicion. “How come you look fine?”

    “Bloodline,” I answered immediately with a nod.

    “You have a bloodline limit?” Naruto asked with shock.

    “Yeah,” I replied. “It’s why I never had to train. I just learn things really quickly.”

    Naruto got this weird pensive look on his face.

    Charisma Check Failure: 4/7.

    Intelligence Check Success: 10/6.

    Naturally, I knew this was probably because I blew up his world since he thought that training was unnecessary from what Ayame told me. Thank you, Intelligence, for coming to Charisma’s rescue.

    “And apparently, you can regrow eyeballs,” Hisako said, taking out a kunai and a whetstone. “Really useful.”

    “Anyway, let’s get on introductions,” I said. “Naruto, this is Yamada Hisako and Nakamura Nichiren, my teammates. The guy in the mask was our Jounin-sensei, Hatake Kakashi.”

    “Neat!” Naruto said, adjusting the goggles he wore on his head. “I’m Uzumaki Naruto and I’m going to be Hokage! Believe it!”

    Never understood the hate Naruto’s little catchphrase got. He didn’t use it often and when he did it was a way for him to assure himself that it was actually going to happen.

    “Sure,” Hisako said, slowly nodding. “You’ll be Hokage after Daisuke.”

    “Nah,” I immediately said. “I don’t want the hat, Naruto can have it.”

    Charisma Check Success: 4/4.

    Hisako blinked. “You don’t want to be Hokage?”

    “Nope,” I said, shaking my head quickly. “I want to get extremely rich then retire in comfort. Wearing the Hokage’s hat is the exact opposite of that, being constantly worried that the village is going to be okay, constantly thinking about protecting it and stressing over whether you made the right decision when push comes to shove? Pass. So if it gets offered, I’m turning it down.”

    Charisma Check Failure: 4/6.

    Speech Check Success: 34/30.

    “Exactly,” Naruto said with a nod. “That’s why I’m going to become Hokage and everyone will have to respect me and treat me like I’m somebody!”

    He didn’t listen to a word I just said. Then again, that’s what happens when your Charisma doesn’t make someone pay attention.

    “I’ll believe it when I see it,” Hisako replied. “Still, it was nice meeting you, Naruto-kun.”

    “You guys taking off?” I asked with a frown.

    “We need to file our mission reports,” Hisako said, holstering her kunai and stretching out her back, pushing her chest forward so her shirt tightly hugged her burgeoning chest.

    Charisma Check Success: 4/2.

    She did that on purpose.

    If she’s doing things like that...I think she’s got a crush on me.

    “Yeah, Kakashi-sensei ordered us to get those done as soon as possible,” Nichiren added, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “You too, when you get out of the hospital.”

    “I’m walking out as soon as I get dressed,” I said, rolling my shoulders. “See you all later.”

    Hisako and Nichiren walked out. Naruto turned to me.

    “So your bloodline limit-thingy is why you don’t train?” Naruto asked with a frown. “Seriously?”

    “Yeah,” I said, nodding. “Ayame told me you haven’t been doing that?”

    “I’ve been training,” Naruto groused. “Just...not chakra control.”

    Charisma Check Failure: 4/7.

    Intelligence Check Success: 10/7.

    “Is it because I’m the one who gave you those exercises?” I asked with a frown.

    “What?” Naruto immediately looked at me in shock, speaking quickly. “No, no, no, no. It’s just that, you know, uh...I can’t do the exercises! Yeah, that’s it!”

    Given how I watched him do those exercises when I first taught them to him, I don’t believe him for a second.

    Charisma Check failure: 4/6.

    Intelligence Check Success: 10/7.

    Obviously, he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings or something. At least, that’s my best guess.

    “Okay, well, I can only reiterate that I don’t want the hat,” I said with a nod. “And that if you do those exercises, you’ll be able to do the clone technique with no problems.”

    “Yeah, well, okay,” Naruto said. He folded his arms and started to mutter to himself in what was clearly annoyance. “Why can’t I be like you, who can just do things without any help?”

    “Because I got lucky,” I answered. “But hard work trumps luck every time.”

    “But you never worked hard,” Naruto pointed out with a frown.

    “Yeah well,” I began with a glance off to the side, pressing my lips into a thin line. “Given recent events, that’s got to change.”

    Naruto stopped muttered. “Okay. Well...if you need my help, come find me. I’m usually out by that old swing during lunch.”

    ...that sounds like an opportunity.

    “I’ll do that,” I said with a nod.

    Quest Added: With Friends Like These…

    Meet Naruto at the swing for training.

    Oh. That’s...actually, given my last quest, that’s really ominous sounding. I hope things don’t go sideways with this.

    “Hey, are you okay?” Naruto asked with deep concern. “You got this weird look on your face just a second ago.”

    “I’m fine, just...”I shook my head. “It’s fine. But I do got to get dressed so could you…”

    “See you later!” Naruto said, turning on his heel and waving goodbye on his way out.

    Finally.

    My jumpsuit was folded up neatly on a table next to the gurney, on top of which were my sandals. After making sure the door to my room was locked, I got dressed.

    I’m going to have to come up with some ideas because while I could say ‘I’m just not good at the game’ or whatever, I almost died. I need armor and defensive techniques. Using Tsunade’s Megaton Punch, I was able to one-shot it, but I should’ve tried to use the Lightning Kunai. It was just too scared to even think about it.

    ...that’s the biggest thing, here. I froze under pressure. It will not happen again. If I died, whose to say if that thing wouldn’t have immediately gone after Hisako and Nichiren or finished taking out Kakashi.

    I unlocked the door and...didn’t walk out because I remembered that I needed to be discharged first or the Hospital would throw a fit

    That sucks, I want out.
    * * *​

    The Hokage and Kakashi were sitting in the old man’s office. A storm had brewed over Konoha over the past hour, with rain and the occasional flash of lightning and rumbling thunder. On the desk was a tape player, which both men were listening to intently.

    “Play the third one again.”

    The Hokage’s face was cold and impassive, puffing on his pipe while he listened to the creature’s whimpering at the impossibility of his task. His finger tapped on the pipe in deep thought.

    The tape ended and Kakashi leaned back in his chair.

    There was a knock at the door.

    “Enter,” Hiruzen called.

    In walked the Hokage’s secretary.

    “Kurogane Kumiko is here to see you.”

    “Send her in.”

    The secretary walked back out and in walked perhaps the most trusted woman in Konoha, the matron to Naruto’s orphanage. She bowed. “You wanted to see me, Hokage-sama?”

    “Yes,” Hiruzen said. “I want you to tell me about Shimoda Daisuke.”

    “Well,” She began. “He was always a quiet child. Stayed out of the way and kept his head down for as long as I knew him. He didn’t even eat very often, but I guess it got much more pronounced after his Kekkei-genkai activated.”

    “Activated,” Hiruzen said. “Explain.”

    “Shimoda-kun didn’t always look like a living statue,” Kumiko explained. “There was a time when he looked like any other infant. A little larger, perhaps, but that wasn’t a bad thing. But after a year, he changed. It took us an entire day to figure out that the pale monstrosity before us was Shimoda Daisuke. That was when we alerted everyone.”

    “Did anyone come to the orphanage to speak to Daisuke?” Hiruzen asked, face impassive. “Anyone that struck you as strange or intending ill will?”

    “I filed a report on the man who brought him to the orphanage,” Kumiko said. “Did you want me to recount it?”

    “I never received your report,” Hiruzen replied. “So please do.”

    The room grew even more solemn and serious, punctuated by a lightning strike.

    Kumiko cleared her throat. “The man who brought Daisuke to the orphanage...I had never seen anyone like him before. The tallest man I’ve ever seen. He was wearing a white lab coat and beneath it was a black, button-up shirt with a glossy, red tie. His hair was brown and he kept a well trimmed beard. But the strangest thing about him was his glasses.”

    Neither Kakashi or Hiruzen spoke, allowing her to collect her thoughts.

    “It was like they had a permanent glare on them, blinding me if I looked at them from the wrong angle,” Kumiko continued. “I remember this being strange because all the curtains were drawn; there was nowhere for his glasses to get such an omnipresent shine.”

    “What did he do?” Hiruzen asked.

    “He simply deposited him here and told us his name,” Kumiko replied. “We asked if he was the boy’s father and he just laughed on his way out. When we tried to chase after him, he simply disappeared.”

    Kumiko shivered. “I’ll never forget that sound. If ever there was a laugh that was truly horrifying, it was that one.”

    Hiruzen did not speak for an impossibly long moment, shadows cast over his face by his hat hid his eyes. “Were there any other visitors? Shimura Danzo, perhaps?”

    “No, the Shinobi of Darkness has never come to my orphanage,” Kumiko replied. “But there was one person who specifically asked to see Shimoda.”

    “Describe him,” Hiruzen ordered.

    “He was a handsome, respectable looking man,” Kumiko replied with a nod. “Long black hair. Crimson eyes to put Kurenai to shame. The whites of his eyes were black.”

    “What was he wearing?” Hiruzen asked.

    “He was wearing a green kimono,” She replied. “Green and black. Across the shoulders and down the chest were imprints of scythes. He looked at the registry we keep of orphans at the front desk and he asked to see Shimoda. So he spoke with them and afterwards, he said he thought both boys were fine young men and that any sane parents looking to adopt would choose them as soon as they could.”

    Hiruzen puffed his pipe.

    “But they were the only two,” Kumiko finished. “And I have never seen either of them again.”

    “Thank you for your report, Kumiko,” Hiruzen said. “Your assistance has been invaluable. Dismissed.”

    “Yes, Hokage-sama.”

    She left and Kakashi sighed.

    “It appears that Shimoda-kun has made some powerful enemies,” Hiruzen said. “Enemies that I believe he has been aware of for quite some time, if his mistrust of Konoha is any indication.”

    “Do you believe Danzo is this master the thing was talking about?” Kakashi asked.

    “No,” Hiruzen shook his head. “I believe that Danzo, the man in green and this ‘master’ the beast spoke of are all three separate individuals.”

    Hiruzen puffed his pipe, while Kakashi waited for Hiruzen to finish.

    “But it is clear that Danzo is still running Root against my orders,” Hiruzen continued. “He will be arrested, his assets seized. This insubordination and possibly seditious behavior must not be allowed to continue.”

    “Then maybe the man who brought Daisuke to the orphanage?” Kakashi asked. “But that doesn’t make any sense. Why would he deliver Daisuke to Konoha just to try to kill him?”

    “I don’t know,” Hiruzen replied. “But he is on our short-list of suspects, if for no other reason than because he is apparently involved somehow. I will make inquiries to see if we can find anyone that matches the man’s description and if we cannot, we can only assume that Konoha was infiltrated and we’ll need to make finding the hole in our defenses our highest priority.”

    “What about Daisuke?” Kakashi asked. “We can’t just assume that the Avian was the only thing in Konoha trying to kill him. There could be other things.”

    “I am aware, Kakashi-san,” Hiruzen replied. “I have had ANBU watching that boy since I first met him years ago. For the wrong reasons, it turns out. As a show of good faith, I will assign Shimoda-kun a body guard. A constant guard should cause any would-be assassin’s and kidnappers some pause.”

    “Thank you, Hokage-sama,” Kakashi said, standing with a bow. “That helps put my mind at ease. This is the first team that ever passed the bell test...I can’t fail them.”

    “I understand,” Hiruzen replied. “A boy like Shimoda must be protected at all costs.”

    “Is there anything else?” Kakashi asked.

    “Beyond a standing order to report any sightings of this man in green or the man with the shining glasses if you see him?” Hiruzen rejoined, standing up. “No. Dismissed.”

    Kakashi disappeared through the window, leaving the Hokage to his thoughts.

    Hiruzen walked over to the window, rain pouring and cascading down from the clouds. Lightning struck somewhere out of the village.

    Shimoda my boy, Hiruzen thought, shaking his head. I believe I’ve had you all wrong for the past few years. I wasn’t annoying you, you were scared of me.

    The even rhythm of raindrops on the windows was almost soothing, in a way. Though it all worked out in the end. If I had allowed you on a team, your favored blue wardrobe would’ve made you a target long before you could've handled this.

    He took a long inhale of his pipe, exhaling the smoke through his nostrils.

    But I have to wonder where you’ve got these enemies from, The Hokage continued to himself. You’ve only been on a team for a short while and have killed no one before this.

    Lightning struck right in front of the window, and Hiruzen didn’t so much as flinch.

    He couldn’t shake the feeling that if he knew where Daisuke truly came from, where the man with the shining glasses brought him from, everything would make sense.
    * * *

    Author’s Note: And that’s the end of Nevermore!

    I must say, I am much, much happier with how this rendition of it turned out compared to the previous one. I’m going to try to have a couple of breather chapters before diving into the Organ Trail, just to have Daisuke and Naruto patch up their friendship and have some character bonding between Daisuke and his bodyguard.

    ...I don’t really have much else to say.

    Shout out too Melden V, Anders Kronquist, Ray Tony Song, Volkogluk, Aaron Bjornson, iolande, Martin Auguado, Julio, Hackerham, Tim Collins-Squire, Maben00, Ventari, PbookR, Seij, ChristobalAlvarez, Apperatus, EPiCJB19, Seeking Raven, Handwran, Russel Beatrous and Richard Whereat! You guys are awesome! Thank you for your continued support.

    Until the next time!

    ~Fulcon
     
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2021
  20. Anthony1967

    Anthony1967 Not too sore, are you?

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  21. Azazyel0714

    Azazyel0714 Commissioned Writer

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    I think Yuugao would be a good bodyguard she’s anbu and skilled with a sword he could learn a lot from her
     
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  22. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    Okay first, watching Daisuke get fucking wrecked was brilliantly done. It fills the karmic balance of being allowed more badass later for sucking so hard now, and logically catalyzes the heavier work ethic that would most quickly lead there. Textbook. There's also another way it can be used.

    If Naruto starts getting impudent about training again, simply state that this isn't a game, that horrific injuries or death can happen, that not everyone can bounce back from injuries with some bed rest, that even if they could you assure him they still really fucking hurt, so please PLEASE just accept the goddamn help.

    Then if he starts cursing luck you can bring up the various downsides. In exchange for your various talents something had to burn. Briefly drop the henge to demonstrate. Like Naruto you had frighteningly few people growing up. Unlike Naruto you have trouble talking to even the few friends you do have even when you're trying to help them, and even with some way to mitigate it now you have a constant reminder of what's objectively wrong with you.

    Also physical training wouldn't have helped at all. That benefit got traded for power from reading. That would be why you spent every waking moment in the library.

    We've already talked about why the stuff with Hiruzen is cool, and even laid out most of this. Therefore I'll snap STRAIGHT to bodyguard speculation.

    Anko would be excellent for all manner of reasons. She's quite strong in combat, has unquestionable loyalty, is generally fairly easygoing, and is often made an outsider due to the curse mark she was branded with as well as being Orochimaru's apprentice before he left as a traitor. She has every reason to easily bond with Daisuke, and setting her up early in the likely event you plan to use her again is really convenient.

    She's also not attached to a team which fits with the idea of a single bodyguard instead of a team.

    Yugao is also capable, but doesn't fit as well as anko as I see it.

    The only other option I could think of that has the combat chops required while not being team affiliated would be Tenzo, or Yamato as he's commonly called.
     
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  23. tamagat

    tamagat I Find Your Lack of Cake Disturbing.

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    i concur, the last version where hiruzen gave the special book to daisuke and then forgetting bout it a few years later was wierd to me, its as if the world and its inhabitants are being manipulated like they are in sims 2 ninja version.
     
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  24. Darkarma

    Darkarma Loli Ōtsutsuki

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    Plus her history with Kakashi means he might actually show up on time for once.

    ...

    Who am I kidding, he'd probably be even later.
     
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  25. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Ask and ye shall receive.

    Never heard of her but...she's interesting.

    I do like my stories effective. I hope that, as a result, you guys like what the more proactive Daisuke does with this wakeup call. :)

    Good point. Then again, Naruto's problems aren't logical, they're emotional; he feels threatened by Daisuke's success in the face of his failure.

    It's his pride, in other words.

    Again, good point. But I don't think Naruto's going to be swayed by logic. At least, not right now. Maybe after a trip through the sewers or something.

    This is my thinking as well - I don't consider it a spoiler really since it was going to happen next chapter anyway. But yeah, Anko's got a lot of reason's to be made Daisuke's body guard.

    And, you know...I enjoy the dynamic I have planned for them and this is a great way to develop it in a more organic way.

    Have a cookie.

    I'm glad you like it. Having things more on the table is a bit more liberating here in this version, got to say.

    :D

    Have a cookie.
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2020
  26. Azazyel0714

    Azazyel0714 Commissioned Writer

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  27. cazador

    cazador Versed in the lewd.

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    4 intense training into charisma
     
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  28. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    It basically boils down to Yugao being really good at swords, like her deceased in canon hubby Hatate Gekko.

    Sword master is a perfectly viable, strong specialty in melee just like taijutsu. The only problem with that as a proposition is that we've already got two melee specialists, one of which is a blade user.

    On the Anko side of the spectrum we get summoning, snake jutsus, ranged combat, posion use, jonin specialization level wilderness survival INCLUDING sensory because the forest of death is literally her favorite place, and many of these jutsu aren't bloodline or summon based meaning she could pass tricks onto Daisuke.

    In addition to all the story reasons Anko is obvious pick, she brings an entire pile of skills to the table the team simply doesn't have at this level.

    Also I wanna point out that the forest of death is no fucking joke. It has massive bloodsucking ambush leeches what drop from trees and casually ruin people. Abusing this is how team Kurenai was the fastest konoha team in the second exam.

    Edit: Oh wait. Yugao is also said to be able to step in terms of sensory abilities. It's not quite that simple.
     
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  29. rainfallMyth

    rainfallMyth Know what you're doing yet?

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    liking this a lot. two questions though:

    considering he has children, would the system be given to his children as well?

    will he ever learn not to make a face when given a quest?
     
  30. Anthony1967

    Anthony1967 Not too sore, are you?

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    Hmmmmmmmmm
    SHINOBI: The RPG - New Game
    HMMMMMMMMM
     
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