Is this how a life ends? Suddenly? Without warning? Without anypony getting a chance to say goodbye?
Today, somepony died in Equestria. You never knew them, but you are sure it happened somewhere. It's just how things go. It's just statistics.
Still, even though you never knew that pony, you know what happened. You might not know the details, but they don't really matter. You still know the gist of it. Actually, everypony knows how this story goes.
They woke up today thinking that this would be a day like any other. They went about their routine, left the safety of their home and the love of their family, and then they just… never came back.
Maybe they died from an accident. Maybe it was a sudden illness. Or perhaps it was due to the malice of another pony. It doesn't really matter how it happened. All that matters is that… their story is over, now. They are done.
Everything they said and left unsaid. Everypony they loved and hated. Everything they did, and all the things they never quite got done. All that time they spent counting on the myth that "I can do it tomorrow". It's all over now. The world will march on without them, and ponykind has no choice but to keep up the pace.
That story happened today, somewhere. Probably to more than just one pony. It happened today, it happened yesterday, and it will certainly happen tomorrow.
Without warning. Without reason.
Without a chance to say goodbye.
…
And tonight, that story is about to repeat itself yet again.
- - -
You are the mother, and you…
… and you are the one who started this. All of this.
It is night. And not just any night. This is a very, very special night.
A night so deep that, if you were to look out through the window, you would think that you are the only pony in the world. A night where nothing else exists, or perhaps nothing else matters, other than your own home, and the ponies inside of it.
And yet, this is also a bright night. A beautiful night. A night so grand that, if you were to look up to the sky, you would see a sea of stars. And you would swear that the moon is right on top of you. Like a great jewel at the center of a crown, surrounded by a cloak of starlight gems.
But not even that concerns you. Not the night, and not anything you could see out through your window, either on the earth or on the sky.
No. Tonight, everything that you care about is within the walls of your home.
You are currently in your living room, sitting comfortably on the large sofa.
And you are not alone.
"Have I ever told you about the night I found her?" you ask.
He is sitting right next to you. The two of you are looking at the lit fireplace, listening as the dry wood gently snaps every now and then.
"No, I don't think you have," he answers. "Things were a little rough, when she came home. So I don't think we ever talked about that, in particular."
"Ah… it was a night just like this one. Or maybe it was in the middle of the day when I got there? My memory is a little… strange, when it comes to those little details. Still, I think the night sky was just like it is tonight, when I found her."
At some point, you realize that you are leaning against his side. Resting your head on his shoulder. But neither of you mind it. In fact, you think you are both more comfortable like this.
"Their house was… it was perfect. I wish I could show it to you, but it just isn't there anymore. Still, it was just perfect. Like an idea that was given shape, rather than just a place that was built. Like it was inside somepony's heart, rather than out in the world. It felt… I feel like I wanted to stay there forever, and yet I am grateful that I was able to visit it even once."
His face brushes against your mane as he nods. And somehow, you can tell that he understands what you mean. Even though he was never there. Even though he never felt it.
Or perhaps, he can feel it right now. Maybe, somehow, your words are being enough to convey to him what happened that night. Maybe it is your words, or maybe it is something else.
Whatever it is, you think he understands it.
"And I felt nothing but welcome when I met them. Like they had been waiting for me the entire time. Or like I was an old friend of them, even though they had just met me. For some reason they just trusted me and… no, more than just trusting me. They knew me. They knew me better than I know myself."
Your voice begins to break, as you speak. Your breath begins to tear up, here and there, as you remember that night.
Because as you remember that night, as you remember them, you also realize that… well.
That what you are doing right now, what you are
feeling right now, is similar to the night you found her. To the night you met them.
Except that, this time, you are playing another role.
Tonight, you are not a trusted visitor who comes to take her away.
Instead, you are the mother who started all of this, and who has to say her goodbyes.
"We… we t-talked for a bit. But I k-knew I couldn't stay long… We all knew that," you say. And you try your best to ignore the hot droplets that are beginning to roll down through your face. You try to ignore them, but you don't try to hold them back.
You wouldn't be able to even if you wanted.
"They knew they c-couldn't keep her… t-that she wasn't theirs t-to keep… And I knew that…"
A sudden hiccup, or perhaps a sob, interrupts you. Your lungs seize up as your eyes begin to burn.
You know what you are doing. You know what happens next, if you continue down this path. You already know how this story ends.
And you can feel your heart
aching due to the fact that… you also know you can stop this.
Just don't say those words. Just stop the play, close the curtains, and let the actors go their separate ways.
If you stop right now, then you can all pretend none of this ever happened.
If you stop right now, then your daughters will wake up tomorrow for a new day. And none of their plans, from the pesky homework they have been putting off to the coming sleepover they have been waiting for, will be interrupted.
If you stop right now, life will go on. Without any sudden and unfair interruptions. Without any sadness or loss.
You know all of that. You know that truth achingly well. And you know that, although you are guilty of starting this, that it doesn't need to end.
…
However…
You also realize that… that the same way she was not theirs to keep, she is not yours to keep either.
They loved her, but they belong to the past now.
You love her, but you are currently denying her future.
So, you will be glad that… like she said, that you had one last night. That you had one last moment with her, before this dream ended.
"I-I… I am going to miss her, Stormy… I r-really am…" you say. And you feel one of his forelegs coming around your back, bringing you in for a tighter hug.
His foreleg is shaking, and a small part of your mind thinks his breathing is also off.
But you don't have it in you to focus on him. Not right now.
You barely have any willpower left, to say those next few words.
"W-wont… won't you go wake her up, love? Y-you know… y-yo… you know how groggy she c-can get… after she sleeps for longer than she should."
But you say them regardless.
You say what needs to be said. You do what needs to be done. You echo her words, spoken aloud in that dream from long ago.
And whatever happens next… is entirely out of your hoofs.
…
The living room feels awfully cold, after Stormchaser gets up to do his part.
- - -
You are the father, and you…
… you are the one who will end this.
This is your duty. This is your task. This, you know, is your part in the play.
And even though you love all the other ponies involved… even though you love them very dearly, you sincerely wish you did not have to do this.
Not because you wish somepony else could take your place. On the contrary, you wouldn't let anypony else do this in your stead even if it was possible.
Instead, you wish none of this had to be done to begin with.
…
However, you also know that you must. You have to do this. This needs to be done.
Because a pony you love very much asked you to do it.
And because another pony, who you also love, needs this to happen.
So, you turn your back to the warm comfort of the living room, and you make your way upstairs.
…
You had never noticed how tall this stairway is. You have never realized just how heavy your legs are, as you take each step up. But still, as hard as the climb may be, this is also a path that is achingly familiar.
In fact, it is so familiar that the weight of your memories is also dragging you back. Trying to delay your journey for just a little longer. So you can live in this life, where you are all happy and content, for just one more second.
It feels like yesterday that she… that your
daughter, was practically a stranger in your house. An outsider you knew nothing about. A new entity that, despite the cruelty of it, part of you just wanted to kick away from your world.
You are glad those days are long gone. You are glad that estrangement was short-lived.
And yet… you would be lying if you said you wouldn't go back to that past, if you had the chance. After all, the period that came after that was so…
It feels like it was just a few hours ago, that you were carrying your daughter on your back, for whatever reason it might have been. Maybe she was tired after a long day, and you were taking her to her bed. Maybe she was excitedly holding on to your neck, as you prepared to soar with her through the skies.
Still, you can still feel it. You can still feel the light weight of her body on your back. You can still feel the familiar sensation of her breath against your ears, as she rests her head against your mane.
You can still feel it. You don't think you will ever stop feeling it.
And the memory of her riding on your back feels so…
heavy right now. It feels so heavy that you can barely take another step up the stairs.
It feels so heavy that, if you just let go, you know you will just fall down the stairs. You will fall down the stairs, and this dream will end, and the sun will rise on the horizon as if nothing ever happened.
You just need… to let go.
Because if you let go, if you stop climbing these stairs, this will all end.
If you let go, tomorrow will arrive. And then the next one, and the next. The hands of the clock will resume its movement, and your family will remain unbroken. And you will all figure out what to do after that.
You just… need… to…
…
You wish you had stopped. You
almost stopped.
But when you realize it, you are finally at the top of the stairs.
The living room, where your wife and your warmth and your love are, might as well be in another lifetime now. And somehow you realize, although you have no idea how, that there is no turning back.
So, you make your way down the corridor.
You walk by the entrance to the room of the older, and enter the room of the younger.
And there you find… your daughter. Just the way you left her. A perfect bundle of peace and calm, lying under a blanket crocheted with love, sleeping without a single care in the world.
You make your way towards her, approaching her bed with the utmost care so you don't make a single sound.
The room is perfectly dark. The windows are closed, and the curtains are shut. And yet, for some reason, you swear that her face is being perfectly illuminated by a streak of moonlight.
It almost feels like a crime, or perhaps a sin, to do this. It almost feels wrong, to let go of such a perfect filly.
However, for all that you love her… you know she is not yours to keep. Not like this.
So, you will let her go. Even if the shackles that were binding her are also the bonds of love that connect the two of you.
Because even if you have to break those bonds, you know you will never truly stop loving her.
"It is time to wake up."
You whisper those words in her ear.
You repeat those same words that he said to her, on a similar dream that happened long ago.
And after that, the only thing you can do is leave the room. Before the stifled sob you have been holding back breaks out of your mouth, and you accidentally disturb her in a moment that belongs only to her.
And just like that… it is done.
- - -
You are the daughter, and you…
… you actually do not know what that means.
Did you exist before, or did you just come into being?
Are you asleep right now, or did you just wake up?
Did you… did you just die? Or is this the first time you have been alive in oh so long?
…
You do not know.
All that you know is that you are the daughter.
…
You are somewhere dark. You can't see anything, or perhaps you just don't have the eyes to see. And yet, you are not afraid.
After all, although you are somewhere dark, you still know exactly where you are. You are in a familiar place, one that you would be able to navigate even with your eyes closed. You are somewhere safe, where you can take as long as you want, and where you can stay for as long as you need.
And most importantly, you are not alone.
…
You are not alone right now.
…
"So… is this it? This is how it ends?"
A voice, her voice, comes from somewhere nearby.
You know who she is, of course. More than just that, you know her more deeply than it should be possible.
In fact, her voice is so familiar that it might have been your own, a long, long time ago.
"That is a curious question. Do you think this is an ending?"
Another voice, also from nearby. Perhaps from the same place, perhaps from the same mouth. But still, you hear another voice coming from somewhere else.
A more mature voice. A wiser voice. One that is coming from another time or another life or another
pony who you also know achingly well.
There is a bit of curiosity in that voice. And perhaps a little mirth.
But most of all, that voice is patient. It is patient, and it is understanding.
"It… well, it does feel like an ending. It feels like the end of a dream. Like the sun is coming, and the dreamer is about to wake up. Only that… I'm not the dreamer, and I won't be the one waking up…"
The younger voice, the smaller voice, it is… scared? No, not scared. Not exactly.
But still, she sounds sad. Like she just lost something precious, or as if something she loved had just been taken from her.
She sounds like a pony who will never see her best friend, ever again. She sounds like a pony who never got to say her goodbyes.
And yet, despite all of that, she doesn't sound scared… only sad.
"You are right, in a way. This dream is indeed about to end. The last grain of sand in this hourglass has just begun to fall, and is about to hit the bottom side. And the dreamer will… wake up, once that happens."
"I… I know… I don't know how, but I know…"
The younger voice, the smaller voice, she sounds inconsolable.
She sounds like she is about to cry. More than that, she sounds like she would be crying right now, if she could.
However, she also sounds resolute. Almost brave.
Such a small voice. Such a small life. And yet, she sounds like she is ready to give what little she has. She sounds like she is ready to give everything she ever had, even if that is so little.
She sounds like she is ready to be gone, for the sake of the ponies she loves. Even though she clearly wishes this didn't need to happen.
"Well… I… it was good, while it lasted. It was the best, even. But… can I ask you something? Can you promise… you will take care of my sister? She's the only one I have, and we promised we would take care of each other… so can you please…?"
"Oh? I would promise that if I could, little one. I really, really would. But tell me… why is it that you think… that I am the one who will wake up from this dream?"
"W-what?"
The older one, the larger one, says those words. And the smaller one cannot help but react with surprise.
And even though you have no eyes to see, and even though you do not exist yet, you can tell that the older one is looking at you, as she speaks to the younger one.
"B-but… but you are… it has to be you. It just has to! You are…!"
"Yes, I am Luna. I am Luna, and you are Selene. And yet, I don't think I am the dreamer, little one. I don't think I will be the one to wake up, once the sun rises."
"No, but… but it can't be me. T-that… that wouldn't be fair! The world… everypony… my sister, they all need a Princess. They all need you! If all of this… if all of this is happening just for me to wake up, then… wouldn't that be wrong? Wouldn't that be a waste?"
"Ah, you misunderstand me, Selene. What I meant to say is that… I don't think I will be the one to wake up. But I do not think it will be you either."
The older one, the greater one, says that.
And you can feel the smaller one looking at you, now. As if she had just realized you were there. As if she had just realized you existed, even though you had been there this whole time. Ever since she first woke up without any memories.
"Tell me, Selene, why do you think we will both be gone? Why do you think either one of us will be gone?"
"Because… well, I just know it. Don't you feel it too? This is all a dream and… and somepony will wake up."
"You are right… but you are also wrong. I have never felt this particular feeling before, but it is not unfamiliar either. So let me… Ah, I know, a better explanation. Tell me, Selene, what does it mean to grow up?"
"Grow up? That's just… well time passes, and you get older. That's it, isn't it? Why are you asking me this?"
"Ah, once again you are right, but you are also wrong. Selene, growing up isn't just that. It is so much more. Growing up means becoming more than you were before. And it happens every day, little by little. It happens when a boring chore you were forced to do, like tidying your bed or brushing your teeth, becomes a habit you do without thinking. It happens when you and your best friend laugh at an old joke, but also invent a new one that you will share for the rest of your lives. It happens every day… and I think it is also happening now."
The older one says that, and the sadness in the younger one's voice slowly turns into… curiosity?
Curiosity, or perhaps fascination. Or maybe even hope.
But still, she doesn't sound inconsolable right now.
"But the most important part, Selene, is that growing up doesn't mean leaving the old parts of yourself behind. Those parts of you just go deeper and deeper inside of you. And not because they were buried, but because they became like pillars. Something that will keep you standing, tall and strong, as you continue to grow the temple that is your life."
"So, you mean that… that I won't be gone? This feeling that I have, that I'm just a mask that's about to be taken off… it's not right? Are we… are we both going to wake up?"
"Both of us? Oh, no. Neither of us will wake up, Selene… But she will. And we will be a part of her. We will be a part of her in all the ways that matter. Princess Luna existed in the past, Selene. And you exist in the present."
The two of them look at you. The older one with confidence, the younger one with hope.
"And she… she is our future. She is what we look like, when we both grow up."
"I… i-in… in that case, you promise you will take care of my sister! Promise you will be there for her, like I promised. Like you promised!"
"Yes, like Selene is saying, please keep the promises we made. You don't need to keep all the oaths I took, some of them are better left forgotten. But please… take care of my sister as well."
The two of them say that.
And you nod.
You promise them.
You swear to them.
Because now you have a head with which you can nod.
And now you have a body in which you can exist.
And even though you feel like you are listening to something as distant as a past life talking to you…
You also feel like you are talking to yourself.
Because you are Luna.
And you are Selene.
And most importantly, you are yourself.
And for the first time in a very, very long time, you wake up.
…
Your body feels… right.
Your bed feels… small.
The crocheted blanket can't even cover your entire body. And yet, you already know you will never stop using it.
But now is not the time for you to lay on your bed. Now is the time for you to wake up.
So, you jump out of your bed, and you walk out of your room.
You make your way down the familiar corridor. It takes you a lot less steps to cover the distance, but for some reason nothing feels wrong or out of place.
So, you go down the stairs. A curious glance towards the windows of the entrance hall reveals that the sun is about to rise. But still, you have more than enough time for this.
You make your way towards the living room, the
clip-clop-clip of crystal echoing through the air in time with your hoofsteps.
And when you push the door open, you find them exactly where they are meant to be.
The living room is comfortably warm. The fire has almost died down, but it is still more than enough to illuminate everything.
And the loving couple is huddled together, keeping each other company on the comfort of the large sofa.
They have their backs turned to you, but you know they are not asleep. You know they have heard you.
They are just… waiting for you to make the first move. Whatever it may be.
So, you calmly make your way towards one of the cushions next to the sofa, and you sit down.
You have never sat down on this cushion before.
And yet, this is your spot. This is the place you always sat down on, during the colder nights, as you all gathered together for hot chocolate and stories.
The memories… there are so many of them. Heavens, how did you manage to accumulate so many good memories in so few months?
Still, that is not important right now. So, you simply sit down, and you look at them.
The sofa and the cushions are all laid around a low table, next to the fireplace. So, you are all facing each other. You look at them, and they look at you.
You can tell that they have been crying all night. You can tell that they are nervous.
And yet, you can also tell that they are not scared.
Because they both love you. So, whatever you decide to do next, they will abide by your choice.
However, the silence is soon broken. By her, of course. You knew she wouldn't be able to keep her quiet for too long. It's just how she is, and she has always been a worrywart.
"I… I-I know this… I u-understand this m-might look s-strange, Sel-… Princess L-Luna… But… d-do you… do you remember a-anything…? Do you k-know who we are?"
She asks that, and then she waits. She waits, even though you can tell how she wants to say so much more. Perhaps she wants to confess something. Perhaps she just wants to tell you that she still loves you. But still, you can see that she is mustering all of her willpower to stay quiet.
You can tell that, as much as it hurts her, she won't say another word until you make your decision.
And the only thing you can do… is smile.
"Of course I know who you are," you say, as you get up from your cushion and make your way towards her.
You walk towards them, until you are right in front of them. Until you are face to face with the unicorn and the pegasus, who are looking at you with both nervousness and expectation.
So, you give them your answer. It is the obvious answer. The only answer you could possibly give.
"You are my mother," you say to the unicorn mare, "and you are my father," you continue, turning to face the pegasus stallion.
And you can barely contain your tears as the two of them almost rush towards you with a hug. A loud sigh of sheer
relief coming from somepony, or perhaps everypony, as you surround them with your forelegs and cover them with your large wings.
"And I… I am your daughter!" you finish, before your own sobs take over you.
And during the entirety of that long, almost crushing hug, everything is perfect, and your family is nothing but happy.
You are finally back home.
You have successfully performed the Rite of the Mother and the Father.
You will have a proper conversation with your daughter later. And only after you fawn over her, and tell her how beautiful she is and how tall she has become and how you are so very thankful and happy. But for now, you will just enjoy this moment with her.
