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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. PurpLexed

    PurpLexed (The Girl(!) in the Snow)

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    I assume you wanted to say 'cant or wont' here. Or you just really wanted to emphasize that they cant keep track of their numbers.
     
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  2. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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  3. Coda

    Coda Versed in the lewd.

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    And this shows us just how significant of an impact the events of the story have had. Our parallel had already broken 7 billion by this point in history.
     
  4. Siskulous

    Siskulous Know what you're doing yet?

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    I thought 6 billion sounded a little low, but I couldn't remember when we passed the 7 billion mark or exactly what year the story is in right now beyond "around a decade ago".
     
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  5. Ardy

    Ardy I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    It was mentioned really early on that superhero shenanigans throughout history have resulted in a population a billion less than ours
     
  6. Ganurath

    Ganurath Apologizes For Nothing

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    Real world broke the 7 billion mark in 2011, so by historic patterns we'll be hitting 8 billion by somewhere in the 2021-2023 area.

    1 Billion: Estimated 1804
    2 Billion: Estimated 1927
    3 Billion: 1960
    4 Billion: 1974
    5 Billion: 1987
    6 Billion: 1999
    7 Billion: 2011
    7.7 Billion: 2019
     
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  7. Bigreader

    Bigreader Doom. Boom!

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    Sorry t is next to r.
    Won't keep them.
     
  8. alid610

    alid610 Light of the Revolution

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    Most should still connect or even think of him as the beast or okkra(Agent Orange). So they should think he has overwhelming devastating power .
     
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  9. TheMidnightRook

    TheMidnightRook Well worn.

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    Is that really the sort of precedent Paul wants to set for the Orange Lantern Corp though? An OLC that goes around the galaxy, sticking their noses or nose-equivalents into other people's problems... and then mind controlling everyone until the problems goes away... sounds a little Orange Twilight-y
     
  10. Stsword

    Stsword Versed in the lewd.

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    Black Lightning has black lightning that can harm other electricity manipulators like Livewire in YJ.

    In the comics, Black Lightning's "black lightning" is actually black lantern constructs shaped like lightning, and hence not actually subject to the actual limitations of lightning, like say not being able to hurt someone immune to lightning.....
     
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  11. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Perhaps a slight rewording to remove the confusion: '...can't or they can't keep them accurate.'
    That'll break up the two 'can't's next to each other without altering the structure too much?
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2019
  12. Jirachi

    Jirachi I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Wonder how there dealing with new changes in the list of people available who can stop nuclear launches in the little conspiracy they have arranged.
    I mean, unless Captain Marvel was there to represent the wizard shazam and Diana was there becuase of the Jet, then Adom would probably be useful.
    Pushkin, Starfire, Welsh John, John Constantine (given his new chaos lord power-up), Alan, the new greenie and Balewa likely have something to contribute, but aside from Alan I'm unsure of how well they fit into the anti-nuclear weapons plans.
    (I'm also a bit suprised in retrospect that Martian Manhunter was thought to have nothing to contribute to stopping nuclear missiles, since I'd have thought that between his flight speed and telekinetic powers that he'd be able to stop them).
     
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  13. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    So can tap water.
     
  14. Zig

    Zig Not too sore, are you?

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    Those may be dumb, but Black Lightning's extrasensory powers cannot be replicated by a semiautomatic rifle and most of the league, ring users aside, can't really match him there. So unless the SI wants to start loaning Orange Lantern Corps members to the League, Black Lightning has more of a place on it than many of the other members.
     
  15. DrThoth

    DrThoth I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Plus I’d say Black Lightning’s powers have more low-lethality capabilities than an automatic rifle- though it’s true that a non-powered person with appropriate gear would be able to match him in that respect.
    I’m not really sure why he’s so central to season 3 but it’s fine, I suppose (I also just can’t separate Terry Crews’s voice from the character which takes me out of it a bit).
     
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  16. Sceptic

    Sceptic Critical Irrationalist

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    Perhaps punctuation could come to your rescue here?

    "but some places can't - or can't keep them accurate."

    At the very least it will stop all the "corrections" right after you've clarified that no you still don't mean won't.
     
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  17. Threadmarks: Jiggity-Jig (part 9)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    8th February
    19:57 GMT


    The two gordanians I brought with me troop out through the doors to the Council chamber, their body language speaking of profound depression. The Council wanted to speak to me first, but I felt that it would underline their position better if they listened to the witness reports first. The head of the escort detail who brought me down here slaps his tail on the floor in the direction of the door, and I nod amiably.

    "My turn, then."

    I create two construct-ushers to hold the doors open and stroll unhurriedly through, arms hanging loosely at my sides. There are six occupied seats on the right, representing those clans with the greatest military strength. Another eleven on the left, representing those who have strength that is less but still significant. And a huddle at the back of the room for those clans whose military strength is nonexistent, trivial or just not around here.

    A gordanian with the three yellow line and a white blob emblem of Unending Conquest waves to me from her place near the front of the huddle. Her position makes sense; while Unending Conquest have plenty of military force it's all at the other end of the galaxy. She's essentially an ambassador from a foreign power at this point. Though… If the Council were willing, having the more militant clans head out that way might not be such a bad thing. I'd be happy for them to spend their military strength fighting the Reach with a view to colonising one of their worlds at the end of the campaign.

    "Ladies and gentlemen. Councillors,-" Right. "-representatives,-" Left. "-and emissaries." Forward. "As I'm sure that you know… You're in the shit."

    The representative of the Meat Barter clan snorts in agreement. If their ships are all in the vicinity of Karna right now then they might well be finished as a clan. At best, they're looking at losing all of their on-Karna holdings.

    "The karnans are out for blood and there's no help coming."

    The Councillor from Gizzard Spiker takes a second to glare at the emissary from Unending Conquest, who happily wiggles her tail in response.

    "You might be able to negotiate something -in theory- but no one's listening. The people on the ground have been raised hating you from birth and now that they're here they're not going to stop killing while there are gordanians in front of them. They will -however- listen to me."

    A few of the assembled gordanians freeze, or straighten up slightly.

    "That's not to say that they like me, but I'm happy to act as a go-between if you want to try-." 'Talking things out' doesn't seem appropriate. "A negotiated surrender. And since I don't like wasting my time, I'd like to outline the things you will have to agree to give up as a bare minimum. Obviously, any karnans still held as slave workers anywhere will have to be handed over. You will have to give up any claim to territory in Karettah. You will most likely have to disarm to a considerable degree and make some sort of payment to the new karnan government. And you will most likely have to allow the karnans to go wherever they want in your territory in order for them to confirm for themselves that you are complying with the terms."

    "If you can agree to all of that from the start, I'll go to the karnans and see if that's enough to convince them to suspend their attack." I look around. "Well?"

    The Councillor from Blood Flecks drags the talons on his right hand across the material of their desk, creating an audible screeching noise. "And what do we get?"

    "Don't know. Probably not a lot. What do you want?"

    "The members of our clans in their territory returned to us. Guarantees on our territory."

    "What territory in particular?"

    Which I do need to know. The karnans might well want the gordanian species off Karna in its entirety, but several clans own territory in other places in Vega. A few even own territory outside of it.

    "Everything we hold now."

    "I think that unlikely-."

    The Councillor from Gizzard Spiker bangs his fist on the desk. "Then they will come here and die."

    Hm. Assuming no psion surprises… Ring, probable outcome of a confrontation, the karnan fleet versus the gordanian fleet and planetary defences?

    Likely behaviour of vessel commanders unknown. Unable to accurately predict. A direct confrontation would result in a narrow karnan victory. The gordanian combined fleet would be entirely destroyed at substantial cost to the karnan navy. The remaining karnan naval units would be sufficient to perform a rotating bombardment of remaining ground targets.

    More or less what I was expecting. De-orbiting the gordanian wrecks would be more efficient than shooting until their shields start to weaken and then backing off, but it would also be a good deal less precise. Would the Crown Imperium care about something like that? They… Might, actually. They're fine with slaughtering pirates and slavers outright, but bombarding civilian areas never looks good. And it would increase the chance of the karnans in the areas being targeted getting killed.

    "A lot of them will die, yes. All of you will. May I take it that the gentleman from Gizzard Spiker intends to make their victory so costly that their will breaks while some of you survive?"

    He beats his chest armour with both fists. "Yes he does."

    The others generally look less certain. Oh, I'm sure that the gordanians will fight if it comes to it, but good luck maintaining any sort of organisation with morale like this.

    "I don't believe that will work on anything more than a local level. These aren't karnan merchants or outmatched irregulars. This is a war fleet full of people who hate you. And I think that the Omega Men are a little-" There's a slight stir at the name. "-annoyed about me kill-stealing Citadel Complex and have decided that you'll be a reasonable substitute. Still, if that's your intent I will mention it to them. Anything else?"

    The Councillor from Blood Flecks looks around and gets a series of slow blinks. Compliance. He then turns back my way. "No. Go. Return when you have terms."

    I bow mockingly and then straighten, raising my right hand to my forehead.

    "…progress on all fronts, aid.. ed…" Pren slows to a stop as he notices me. This time it's him, Kalista, Gaharrugh, the officer from the Crown Imperium, a few other karnan officers and a… Huh, a news crew, who step back a little awkwardly and point a camera my way.

    And… We're actually in the same room.

    "Are you still here? It's been an hour and a half."

    Gaharrugh rises to his feet. "What do you want?"

    "I've just come from speaking to the gordanian Grand Council. They would like to discuss terms for their surrender."

    Pren blinks, risking a small smile as he sits back. Kalista blinks, not meeting my eyes, presumably trying to work out how this affects their strategy. Gaharrugh's throat rumbles, and the general smoothing of fur from the karnans suggests that they find the idea extremely pleasing.

    "Not joining them, then?"

    "I'm enough of a realist to know that civilians die during wars. But I wasn't about to let it happen right in front of me. My only real objective here is to keep the casualties as low as possible."

    "The 'Grand' Council can surrender when they crawl up to me on their knees and kiss my boots!"

    I ignore the snorting from several karnan officers.

    "Alright. Over what sort of distance?"

    "What?"

    "Over what sort of distance do you want them to crawl? They'd have difficulty getting here from their bunker-."

    "It wasn't a serious suggestion!"

    I give him a condescending look. "Please try and take this seriously, Supreme Commander. Millions of karnan lives are at stake."

    He steps towards me, towering over me. As if such a basic intimidation technique would work on me any more.

    "I am aware of that. I will accept the Council's unconditional surrender."

    "I'm not sure they would be willing to risk that. Could you present a more concrete set of demands?"
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2019
  18. zerofarad

    zerofarad Know what you're doing yet?

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    Probably "gordanian fleet", or maybe "gordanians' fleet"? In the latter case I'd also expect "karnans'".

    areas being targeted

    Discuss, presumably.
     
  19. Simonbob

    Simonbob Really? You don't say.

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    Hilarious!

    I love how seriously OL's taking all their suggestions. Is he just going to pop back and forth, trolling both sets of leaders until they compromise?
     
  20. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Good, put them off-balance by making them hear the reality of the situation...

    Ah, Grayven-16's representative, I'll bet.

    Blunt, but entirely necessary. They are not negotiating from the position of power here. The sooner they understand that...

    I'm betting she was promising that help just a minute ago...

    Yeah, kiddies, not fun to hear, is it?

    You get to live. Maybe.

    Plural where it should be singular.

    <flat stare> No, really.

    Suicidally overconfident.

    Plural again.

    needs to be singular, or a possessive apostrophe: gordanians'.

    I see the message is sinking in for some. Mostly the weaker clans, I bet.

    How cute, you still think you're in charge here?

    Live and in color, the Orange Lantern!

    Not everyone can stop a war on their lunchbreak, OL :D

    I'm picturing OL fighting back the urge to grin sarcasticallly.

    Snarky burn. :cool:

    Oh, this promises to be hilarious. Annoying them both into peace.
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2019
  21. NightmareWarden

    NightmareWarden Versed in the lewd.

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    I'd like to modify my last suggestion.


    So we take a really big stick and we equip a Motherbox with it. From there we install it as the head of this Gordanian terriority as an interim dictator. We set up a recording of the Motherbox swinging at a mannequin and knocking it out of the planet's orbit. Now everything should be hunky dory.

    So I'm reviewing the dialogue with the council in this update and I'm not seeing any indication that these guys actually *agreed* with Paul's surrender idea. I get that some members disagreed with the Gizzard Spiker, but it seems like there should have been a vote or Paul should have asked for a "last call" that confirmed they agreed to surrender, but wanted X. Just feels like the Blood Flecks fellow wasn't speaking on everyone's behalf either.
     
  22. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  23. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    If Paul is going to take care of the Psions after this, I have a suggestion. I remember reading how Psions literally can't take the fact that they're a Maltusian science accident, and that any member of their species that discovers this wipes their own mind. I'm imagining Paul releasing undeniable proof of that on Wombworld causing all Psions to go insane and commit mass suicide. The survivors, ie: the infants, can be collected and brought to Maltus like in the Renegade timeline. Is that possible?
     
  24. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    :D:D:D

    Okay, that was hilarious.

    Normally, the "Condescending Original Character" can get really old in fics fast but this was greest.
     
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  25. moralrelativity

    moralrelativity Recovering pendant.

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    Me too. :)

    I hope so, as long as it only takes another chapter or two at most. I grow bored of this minor diversion.
     
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  26. néocorvinus

    néocorvinus Versed in the lewd.

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    Well, the fact is that they deserve to be treated condescendingly, because millions of their people are getting killed, yet they are letting their pride guide them. The Gordanians don't have a leg to stand on, even if they push back the Crown Imperium, a rather big if, they will still be at the mercy of their old allies, and the Imperium will be back one day.
     
  27. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    I think it's more "hate" than "pride".
     
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  28. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    In the Renegade timeline, the Crown Imperium supported their puppets. In this one, the groups on the border are more unified and they aren't risking it. The karnans are still in contact with their sponsors, but they're fighting without thier direct involvement.
     
  29. Gantradies

    Gantradies Not too sore, are you?

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    yeah, im getting a feeling neither leader really -cares- about this people from this-Dickbeating (*thumps fists on chest* "look at me! i have a huge-") and Personal, petty revenge feels like their actual priorities, respectively, at least on the surface/in public...
    i mean, if there weren't potential telepaths in play, id say rewire them to fix this- knock their WANT for their people/responsibilities to be safe up a couple of notches past "padding ego" >.<
     
  30. iamnuff

    iamnuff Connoisseur.

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    Fucking oof.

    Wait, is the news crew's camera still live, is that why he's posturing?
     
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