A Most Pernicious Debt [Harry Potter shortfic]

Summary: A very short parody (well, sort of) of the 'marriage/concubine/whatever contract' trope.

I've posted this elsewhere, but not here, I think. A thank you to nuclear death frog on TFF for the title.


"Wait," said Harry, starring aghast at the girl lounging on his bed, "you're seriously telling me that my great grandfather won your virginity in a poker game, before your parents even met? That's insane!"

"Well," Lavender replied, "if you want to get technical about it, he won the virginity of the next witch to be born to House Brown, and that happens to be me. Won-won and I really want to take our relationship to the next level, but we can't do that while I'm a virgin. So, will you?"

"... and you're alright with this?" he asked Ron.

"Its, erm, not either of your faults," said Ron, in a tone that made it clear he dearly wanted to lash out at someone, but wasn't clear on who. No matter what he said, though, Harry doubted he'd still be Ron's friend, if he slept with Lavender.

"Uh, can't I just, well, forgive the debt?" Harry asked.

Lavender shook her head. "Its a matter of honour, not money," she told him, "it doesn't work the same."

"Could I maybe transfer the debt to Ron?" he asked, grasping at straws a bit. "After all, I inherited it, so its not stuck to one person, right?"

Lavender looked thoughtful, an expression Harry found odd on her face. "Well," she said, finally, "I suppose if he won it from you, that would be honourable."

"Chess?" asked Harry, looking at his friend.

"Chess," said Ron, relieved.


EDIT: Yes, that's the whole thing, and I left it intentionally open-ended. If I did a sequel, then I'd probably have Ron win, and then Hermione find out because Lavender can't resist gossiping, even about herself - and the story above is almost as important to her as the sex. I'm not even confirming whether the honour debt existed, or was something Lav made up.

If you prefer to have Harry win, I have no problem with that, either.

 

You've definitely posted this somewhere, because I've seen it before. Probably FF.net, but maybe SB.
Edit: It was SB.

Omake:​

Now I'm imagining Harry wins the chess game. Okay, no worries, that happens occasionally - it wasn't like he was trying to lose. And he only ever beats Ron about 1 game in 10 on a good day, so they just make it best of three - no, five - and that should be safe enough, right?
Harry wins the next two games, too.
So they play exploding snap, and this time Harry's actively working to throw the game. He wins anyway. They keep trying game after game, each one more blatantly biased in Ron's favour, and each one is a more spectacular victory for Harry. Meanwhile, Ron is rapidly running out of knuts, because he has to put up something as his stake for the bet.
Finally, Lavender asks exasperatedly why they don't just forget the whole 'bet' idea and have Ron trade something of equal value, like Ginny's virginity.

"Yes! Anything!"

"Deal!"

*handshake*

*beat*

"Wait, what?!?" "AAAAAAAARGH! Lav, what did you just have me do?!?"

"I was kidding! I never thought you'd do it!"

After both boys have stalked off to commiserate over firewhiskey butterbeer the strongest alcohol they can find, Ginny pokes her head in. "Lav?"

"Total success. My payment?"

"The other half-dose of Felix Felicis is waiting on your bed. Say, you never told me - how'd you get Ron to swallow that silly story about the bet? I mean, my brother's thick, but he's no Crabbe or Goyle."

"Oh, that was real. I just showed him the original paperwork."

"Whaaaa? You mean you really had to-"

"Nah. The bet was real, but it was never magically enforced. If I hadn't dug it up, no one would have ever known about it or cared. And even if it had come out, nobody would or could have forced me to go through with it unless Harry pressed the claim in court - which would probably have failed, and just trying would have alienated everybody less 'traditional' than the Malfoys; bets and contracts like that aren't considered acceptable these days. Speaking of which, you'd better go claim your prize before Harry realizes that nobody actually made a binding oath, or that Ron doesn't have the authority to sell you anyway."

 

Well done, macdjord.

Still wondering how Hermione would react to this, especially if no-one tells her at first that it was all a set-up to let Lav and Ginny get laid.

 

Probably depends on whether she finds out before or after Ginny convinces Harry to go through with it. (Minor quibble: it's a plot to get Ginny laid. Lav's reward is the other half-dose of Felix Felicis; if she just wanted to get laid she could have simply not told Ron about the bet in the first place.)

Of course, now I'm thinking about how Gin-gin could convince Harry...

Omake:​

---

"Look, Harry," she said, looking him in the eyes with (feigned) bashfulness, "I know it's a big imposition, but..."

She could see the relief in his face. His mouth opened - no doubt to offer grand promises of as much time and she needed, or that he'd find a way out before she had to go through with it - but she cut him off: "... but can we do it soon? Maybe even..." She allowed herself to blush. "... tonight?"

"Who- you- wha- you want to go through with it?"

She blinked at him in convincing bemusement. "Well, of course, Harry. The sooner we do this, the sooner we're both free. Think about it. I'm now in the same situation Lav was: I have to wait for you - I can't do it with anyone else, even if I wanted to, until this is done. And it's hardly a chore, is it? I've had a crush on you since I was 6, and, well, I know I'm not as pretty as Cho, but-" She cut herself off and shook her head, but forged on before he had a chance to offer any reassurances - she wanted them, of course, but she couldn't let him give them in verbal form. "You wouldn't be forcing me into anything; you'd be freeing me from an obligation."

He was wavering, but not quite ready to agree, and that line of persuasion was played out. She needed a new tack. "Besides, wouldn't you rather do it now, while we're both unattached - just an ordinary little fling between Hogwarts students - rather than waiting until there's an unhappy boyfriend standing outside the door again?"

That had been a mistake; she could see it in his eyes: his self-sacrificing stubbornness rising against the thought of agreeing for his own benefit. Desperately she searched her mind for another argument to bring his thoughts back around to her. "Harry, there's another thing. The agreement... I have to admit knowing about it scares me a bit. Not because of you, never because of you. But knowing that something like this is out there, an asset out of my control... I know you'd never sell it or bet it away or anything, but what if you got impiriused? Or went bankrupt, or got tricked into a bad contract or something? I don't like thinking I don't control my own bed, and the fastest way to change that is to fulfil the deal. With someone I care for. With you."

Internally, she winced - that had been a little low, even for her - but he was back to sympathetic. She stepped in closer and laid her hands on his arm. "Please, Harry? For me?"

"I-I-IgottathinkaboutitohtimeforQuidditchpracticebye!" He bolted.

Ginny waited a full 10 seconds to make sure he was fully out of earshot before she allowed herself to curse. She'd been so close. Okay. She figured she had one more shot at this before news either reached Hermione, who'd set Harry straight, or her elder brothers, who'd step in to 'protect' her. She had to martial her arguments and be ready when practice ended. Now, what should she wear...

 

Yes, the OP's writing style separates paragraphs with blank lines, whereas mine does not.

 

Eh. Changed it.

 

Thank you. I might have skipped over it if you hadn't, for pretty much the reason alethiophile pointed out. That would be sad, because the snippet is good.