Commercial Break (Worm / Slut Life) (Borderline SFW)

1. We all know Winslow and almost all its populace being smote from on high would be a favour to humanity as a whole.

But what the hell is this "one really close friend" nonsense anyhow? I had a similar starting point of "nerdy chatterbox with bad social skills and body image issues" and I ended up on friendly terms with basically everyone by not over-investing on any one person... and it's not like Emma and Taylor live right next door to each other or something.
Really, Annette should have known better than to let anywhere near that level of dependency even begin to occur and should have branched out using her colleague and friend network to make sure there were a number of friends to prevent one suddenly going Empire or something in rebellion... if she's socially ept enough to get out of a FemiNazi movement without getting hunted down as a traitor, well... that's social-fu worthy of the term.

2. I'd think it would be better to distinguish before Annette's death and after. Before I'd have thought they were solidly middle class if not upper-middle. After? Yes, there was a drop, but solid-to-high-middle monetary/social management does not start getting taught when the kid hits high school. It's something you start learning passively from before you could speak, before you could walk...

 

I'll repeat:

With the level of money troubles shown, it's safe to estimate that Danny is working a 40 hour week (or less) at minimum wage, with LOTS of unpaid extra hours put in. This would have been the same situation while Taylor was a child, given that IIRC the boat graveyard formed in the 80's, and Taylor was born in the 90's.

Teachers are paid shit.

Together they might have scraped up enough to manage lower-middle class. Either one alone is below the poverty level.

Now pre-boat-graveyard, they might have been mid-middle class, but not upper-middle class.

I'll also point out that Annette got out of Lustrum's group when it first started showing signs of going violent (to canon!Taylor's knowledge, keep in mind Annette being one of Lustrum's lieutenants is fanon). At that point it would have still been a mostly peaceful feminist movement, why would any serious social-fu be needed to get out of it at that point? It'd be about as hard as just not going to any more of the rallys.

 

:rollseyes:

Thus far I think the story's been decent. Don't let the bizarre... "hatedom" is not the right word, but it's the only word or phrase I can think of just now that's even remotely in the right direction-- drag you down.

I don't know about Taylor specifically, but it's frustratingly easy when you mostly use a magic piece of payment plastic (i.e. debit/credit card).

 

Huh, I thought she was a Professor... which tends to earn rather more than a "teacher"...

But okay, I accept your arguments.

Might just be my aversion to card use that's showing through.

 

Ack, my man, you always deliver with some quality writing (outside of 90% of your NSFW content).

This needs a part 2 with that conversation with Cindy's bosses! Bonus if the boss gives the ok for Cindy to bring Taylor some bees, and have their path to the portal to send Taylor home just happens to go right by Tricher's office.

 

No, these are entirely different things. Most people who fail to commit suicide don't try again because they no longer want to die. "Oh, no... I just accidently signed myself into slavery... again" is not the same reaction, especially if the 'signing into slavery' is done through different methods. Please, look up how long Company Towns lasted in the United States. Or how many people go bankrupt multiple times, and then tell me people will just learn to not do the same things multiple times. Also, for someone who claims to not be flaming, you tend to use inflammatory language and formatting a lot. Just something to keep in mind.

I suppose, looking at the number of posts here and disregarding the number of likes my story posts of recieved, or that I've had a group of multiple proofreaders reading and suggesting things for an additional ten chapters might make it seem like I have a lot of negative feed back. However, I think I've only seen three or four people with actual negative feedback, most of which is along the lines of "I have concerns about this one thing" and that one guy who doesn't like any backstory to his CYOA fics. And you, who is making assumptions about what is going on and is bitching about a character being flawed in a way you don't like, repeatedly, despite having multiple people explain otherwise.

That is assuming the drug doesn't have any other side effects, like causing mounting sexual frustration or something. Here's an important tip about side effects: when it says "side effects may include..." it isn't an exhaustive list of the possible side effects. More importantly, Taylor is against drug use, seeing it as one of the major problems in Brockton Bay. I can't see why she would consider them without someone explaining it further. Which didn't happen in this chapter.

That's a fair critism about Taylor's actions. I tend to go with "What do I get first?" in part because I don't think it's real, so the "what am I willing to do for it?" part has less of an emotional impact. I'm also fairly sure I haven't actually played any point-buy RPGs that actually had a disadvantages section, and I don't tend to try for optimal min-maxing on my builds, so that may also be part of it.

As for why Cindy suggested going through this way, she's basically in sales, and is working to get Taylor to buy the shiny thing.

One of my proofreaders is a dedicated lurker, but he typed up a comment in the Discord channel, so I'll post that down below.

As for the comment Taylor made, you're right. That was supposed to be more flippant, and less accepting, so I went back and added a few words to change the tone.

The original:

The new version:

And now for <Redacted at User's Request>'s message (Apologies for any strange formatting, though I think I fixed it):

I would like to direct you to credit cards as to how counting your money first is not always a thing when shopping. Or buying cars and houses, for that matter. Or going to college in the United States.

Did you know that, as a 15 year old, it is entirely possible that there were labor laws that prevented Taylor from having a summer job? For instance, in Massachusetts, New Hampshire, or Maine, Taylor would have had to go through the school to get a permit to have any job before turning 16. Considering Taylor's situation at Winslow, I can't see this happening, and Danny wouldn't let her work illegally.

Also, she may have been like my sister and I, where our parents didn't give us an allowance but provided anything we wanted/needed, within reason (and not every time). Thus, it is entirely possible Taylor was not generally given money to play around with before high school, and after she started at Winslow, most of the money she received was put towards replacing vandalized books and clothing.

My personal thoughts on this, which are potentially subject to change, is that the contracts are at least partially magically enforced or Taylor just didn't think about it... or the magic is primarily geared at making you not think about it. I'll readily admit it's a bit of a weak point, though I hope it's not a breaking point for anyone.

I am... kind of surprised how far off mention of therapy is in the story. That said, it is there, and I'm sure my proofreaders will back me up in saying that it wasn't added just because you mentioned it (though do keep mentioning things, I am adding bits and pieces to make things better when good points are brought up). It may be a bit of a spoiler, but whatever. Yes, therapy is covered by Advanced Healthcare. I hadn't thought about whether it'd be broadcast or not yet, so thank you for mentioning the trust issue. It will be taken into account.

Don't worry, even if I were to stop writing today and never start on this project again, I still have over 50k words written that'll get posted eventually. Honestly, me giving up on the fic would probably cause me to dump the rest of the buffer in here before asking for the thread to be locked.

Well, that was amusing, and has made me decide to modify a later scene some. Thank you. On a different note, any idea on a name for this omake?

Or this one? It was an amusing conclusion to Taylor's run. I'm going to threadmark them both, but I have no idea what to call them.

 

How about “The Devil’s Detail”?

 

Works for me.

 

I recommend HackMaster as a good point buy RPG with disadvantages, or of course I guess you could go with GURPS. Thinking about it, one could write an entire gamer story using only GURPS.

 

Wow, you're missing out. My gaming group spend 3 years diving through the various GURPS modules and campaign settings. Ancient Japan to T16 Traveller to Modern Horror. Good times.

Edit: On review, 3 years is too ambiguous. That was every weekend, both days, 8+ hours each day.

 

Despite a strong interest in D&D style gaming, I've only ever had the opportunity to play in 2 campaigns; and neither lasted longer than 4 sessions before they fell apart... Didn't even get out of the starting town in one, and never finished the first combat in the other...

---

I just had a MUCH darker thought.

What if Trichter pulled that move on Taylor, and Taylor's response to finding herself signed into sexual slavery (as is the only way she can really see it before Cindy shows up), Taylor tries to commit suicide (she IS severely depressed, and the locker just happened). Cindy walks into have her first conversation with Taylor, and finds her unconscious in a pool of blood with slit wrists (obviously they have the technology to bring her back, even if she fully died, but I'd say Taylor was just really close).

Cindy: "TRITCHER!!!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THIS GIRL!!!!"

How does SL deal with an unwilling contestant, signed up against her will, who's so against the concept that she'd literally rather die, as evidenced by action? Would they still force her to be a contestant? Would they at least, in that situation, allow for one of the lower difficulty level contracts, rather than the default 'Hard' option? Does SL Corp force Taylor into one of the "punishment" contracts for attempting to breach the first one?

How bad does Trichter get reemed by the ethics board for driving a potential contestant to suicide?

 

1. None of the problems are lethal or potentially so yet... Unless you write a Taylor that is less intelligent at using what she's given than canon or something...
Well, we're not there yet in thread evolution, but at some point over 200-300 pages in length, even if 95% of the readers hate something, the remaining 5% will repeatedly shout over the 2% or less of critics that are in the mood to provide feedback at any given time. see A Cloudy Path's commenter distribution, the positive guys formed a hugbox and flamed away the guys who pointed out the exact problems that eventually killed the fic. Once we get into the hundreds of pages, please remember to continue keeping an eye out for number of readers (I notice you're already noting the number of readers, which is very good) on each side and keep a careful lookout for fan-horde (aka hugbox) formation. If that happens... it is often indicative of Problems.
For now, we're just (somewhat aggressively) nitpicking. But please don't overcompensate in response to the early nitpicking, or you risk writing yourself into a corner like LacksCreativity did and turning that nitpicking into a self-fulfilling prophecy (i.e. a Taylor that never learned, developed as a person, or stopped wangsting).
Thankfully, as far as I can tell, you don't have an angsty Taylor... which in and of itself is suspicious. Is the air at SL HQ filled with chemicals to make a person relaxed and somewhat high like weed does? Because canon Taylor is... not this relaxed... About anything... Ever... There's a reason Wildbow himself said that ACP was the most accurate-to-canon Taylor he'd seen (despite the amount of hatedom that fic accrued).

2. Has Taylor ever tried or even read about the "mow lawn for pocket change" stereotype? I guarantee canon Taylor should have read about the lemonade stand and lawnmowing stereotypes given Annette was a Literature or English professor... then again she should have read and learnt enough through books that half the canon situations would have developed in ways some people would complain to be hypercompetence. It's just... backstory and character matchup problems. Kind of like Jaune Arc from RWBY.
Replacing vandalized schoolbooks (and clothes) very much doesn't come cheap, and trying to hide the bills from Danny would be insanely hard without making some money on the side somehow COMBINED with monetary kung-fu (cause she can't be making that much)...

3. I suspect Ack would probably go for something along the lines of whatever that 1 week of SL option is, or "The fastest speedrun" or something... but that seems too predictable.

 

Shortest SL run is 6 months. It's in the "Adjustments I" section:
https://cyoa-slut.gitlab.io/cyoa-viewer/?game=slutlife#adjustments i

 

8chan has Version 3.1.3 where the shortest possible is 1 week. Found it by googling for "Slut Life CYOA" (minus the quote marks)

...But yeah the 3.0.3 one is minimum 6 months.

 

This fic uses the 3.0.3 one I linked to.

And seriously a 1 week run for 150 points? I could totally setup a 1 week run that gives secret society membership.

7 owners that you only have to see once each (or the God owner, which gets you 90% of the way there on it's own at +210 points, but 7 other owners would give more points)! All the pregnancy options, because you can just take a morning after pill when your run on the show is over! All the punishments that are only once a week, because you only have to actually do them once! hell at $1000 a point, I could be a millionaire at the end of the week, disregarding any cash payouts from the selected rewards from Secret Society membership (thing to note, that version of Secret Society Membership give 2 other rewards AND New Home, whereas in 3.0.3 you'd have to select New Home as one of the 2 extra rewards).

 

No, I said the backstory (i.e. showing how the various owner "guilds" selected their representatives) was the only good thing about the fic since Taylor started filling out the CYOA, then decided that there was no point in arguing more with two months of entirely actionless dialgoue already written and queued up. Two people doing nothing but talk for pages on end does not usually make for interesting. You still haven't done anything with the TV since they turned it on as they started.

I'm also still confused by why you spent ~2.5k-3k words on the entertainment section, but summarized the body mods in about 500.

EDIT: The specific choices in the CYOA are only "backstory" in the same sense that "My fighter is strong because I put an 18 as his strength" is, i.e. Not.

 

Two questions:

1. Does the "Secret Society" include Cauldron? If so, and if Taylor chose that, would she be brought into the inner folds of Cauldron or... what?
2. For the "Meta" reward, are any Worm CYOAs available, because that would be hilarious.

 

Is there a Worm COYA? Yes... Yes there's a Worm COYA. 90% of the Worm fics you've read that don't have Taylor as the main character (and a few that do), especially SI fics, are written using one.

Although... Taylor's canon powers, Magical Girl powers, and the power setup she'll get for the Worm COYA (which we all know she would min/max as best as able)? "Triumvirate? Those weaklings?"

Sadly, her reward setup is Secret Society Membership, with New Home and "Was It All a Dream?" as her secondary selections.

Actually... She could replace "Was it all a Dream" with Meta, and take the "Reincarnate as Taylor Hebert" option on the Worm COYA (the option can replace you with her, rather than a traditional reincarnation, so Taylor would keep everything she gets from SL).

It can actually fit in story-wise too, since SL Corp is investigating Taylor's reality and the entities atm. They could draw up the Worm COYA Taylor uses as her Meta option either before she finishes setting up her SL contract, or offer her the chance to change rewards at no extra cost when they finish their investigations and see action is needed.

As to Secret Society including Cauldron? Sadly no:

Emphasis mine.

That's an authorial choice though, other SL fics could have Cauldron be part of SSM.

 

What I meant by that was this: would this Taylor have the option of doing any Worm CYOAs as the "Meta" reward?

 

I actually edited in a way that would work in-story while you were sending this post.

 

Pretty good points. Have a threadmark for the omake.

Yeah, that'd probably get him in front of a proper review board very quickly... depending on the branch. Some of them are... not so nice.

As for the unwilling contestant? There's some things they can do, though it's usually only the shadier branches where it would come up. Most contestants are quite happy to be enrolled, after all.

Food to hear it. I'm hoping to keep the story going long enough for that to start being a problem, though hopefully without generating a hugbox or a hatebox. I also actually have something resembling a plot planned out up until arc 4 or 5, depending. Of course, arc 3 is likely to have a lot of slice of life stuff in it, what with the nature of writing about Slut Life on a (mostly) SFW forum.

One of the bright sides of having a buffer that's already been somewhat proofread is that it is somewhat insulating from nitpicking, especially when I can honestly say "That concern you have? It'll be covered in a few chapters," or "That's a good point. Let me add something to address it." I've done both so far, and I plan on continuing to do so for as long as my buffer holds out.

A lot of this is that I honestly have a hard time writing believable angst and knowing better than to try it for no reason. Also, this is a Taylor who hasn't been pushing her Conflict Drive down for three months of continued bullying. She's also dealing with a sympathetic-seeming person who is supposedly trying to help her. These are situations that basically didn't come up in canon Worm very often. Hell, Wildbow time skipped over one of the best opportunities for Taylor to interact with her father in a meaningful way.

Sorry about mischaracterizing that, then. From the way I'm reading what you said here, I think I may have misread your original post somewhat. That's what I get for reading and replying right before bed while I have a headache.

I will say that it is in no way two months worth of 'actionless dialogue', though I will admit that it is not nearly as exciting as a lot of Worm-fic readers tend to prefer. There are chapters that amount to doing nothing but talking, but that is the minority. I attempted to add world building and actual background plot in as I could.

As for the body mods... yeah, I probably should have gone through all of that more thoroughly, going back and fleshing it out more once I decided to dig in deeper into the other sections. Still, most of the interactions would have involved "Why aren't you paying me to take that?" and "Hell no!" so it would have been even less interesting than the other bits.

Missed this earlier... Yes, Taylor could, technically, take Meta with the Worm CYOA, but it wouldn't get her back to her Earth Bet, so I doubt she'd take the option, were it presented. It would also likely leave her without a ready way to get back to her Earth Bet.

 

It would have garnered some interesting reactions from Cindy, at the very least. And her reactions to some of the kinkier stuff can be some of the best parts of a chapter.

"You want me to PAY for fuckable nipples!!! But you'll pay me to get a tattoo? That... Can't be right."

The Worm COYA has ways to get back to your home dimension. Worst case, just take a dimensional travel power as one of your options.

 

Snipped and numbered by block:

1. Thank goodness.

On the "keeping a lid on it for 3 months" front, well she's been getting fucked over by bureaucracy for over 16 months. Now she's looking at literally getting fucked by bureaucracy... I really would expect far more effort to get out of it, or at least to negotiate a better deal a la "You give me this, this and this for free and I MIGHT consider participating, otherwise, well... I want a lawyer. I trust multiversal law is even more diabolical than back home. You have me completely in your power, right? And are trying to force me onto this show of yours? That means I hold all the cards right now because I have something you want, while I highly doubt you're going to airlock me for demanding just a few more credits..."

Sane and rational characters generally come out as Mary Sues.

2. By glossing over the body mods, you missed a giant potential point that I for one have personal knowledge of, as described below.

Cindy: "You do realize that if you ever decide to have children and breastfeed, which is the healthiest choice for babies and reinforces bonds between mother and child as well as helping maternal recovery, that Fuckable Nipples plus Flexible Holes means they will never permanently deform or even seriously hurt due to a just-teething baby trying to bite on them, due to alterations to the surrounding connective tissue? Even just biting with gums hurts, a LOT. I had children before participating, then had children later in life, after taking those body mods. HUGE. DIFFERENCE."

I AM COMPLETELY SERIOUS HERE!
Permanent deformation from teething infants trying to gnaw is a real-life issue my mother had by the time she weaned me at ten months. I learnt this because my sister is much younger than me, I can remember her feedings very clearly, and it was pretty obvious that "dangly ends" was harder for a baby's rooting reflex to latch onto than "no deformation".

Ah but of course Taylor was an only child...

 

Why would you expect such effort? In my opinion you should expect inaction based on canon. She'd mostly given up on authority and made no actions to change her school situation, neither with her powers nor in any in-system bureaucratic fashion. Why would she believe "I want a lawyer" would do any good whatsoever? I think it's quite believable she goes along with Cindy, who's the first "authority" in a long time to at least act in a genuinely supporting manner, even if she still believes she'll get screwed over by the system. "Nothing I can do about that" is a believable attitude towards "the system".

 

Because I'm fucking allergic to dismal hopeless emos.

A big enough knock should result in a FUCK THIS SHIT moment like what finally pushed Taylor into going out caping.

 

Yeah, she "went caping", mostly as a form of escapism from her problems. She still didn't really do anything about the problems, and seemed mostly resigned to waiting it out.

 

I hate doormats.

Spoiler: Thanks for the epiphany

My maternal uncle was indoctrinated by his parents to be a doormat/cannon fodder (in 1960s-1970s China) as the only son of the family, and he's the most useless male in my entire extended family.
The sort of worldview Taylor has and stubborn stupidity... ah, so that's why my initial reaction after reading some Worm fanfics was "no way in hell I'd ever read Worm".
I didn't realize it at the time.
Thank you for helping me realize exactly why my response to "More Mental Baggage Than Shinji Ikari" was so overwhelmingly bad. It wasn't the Shinji-esque mental problems. It was the base mindset compared to Shinji at least putting up a fight for most of NGE.

And growing up in Brockton Bay as a pure doormat (i.e. not just biding your time for a chance to strike back undetected) seems like a great way to simply be ground under... which is not something Annette (if competent, and leaving Lustrum on seeing the way the wind is blowing argues she's not socially retarded like Taylor) would teach her kid.

The dissonance between the competence you expect from Taylor based on background, and how competent you can expect Annette and Danny to have been (i.e. more competent than "one best friend and almost no others") and the actual plot of Worm is something that gets me almost as badly as Jaune Arc of RWBY.