... hell with it. You have the full attention of a beautiful woman and whether she decides to kill you or not, the most important thing is to make an impression!
Cool, Ino; think cool! The nervous smile drops off your face.
[X] "... yeah, actually."
Ami lets out a choked squeak behind you. Kiba and Akamaru share an audible facepalm.
Before she can reply, you add, "I mean, officially, no one noticed when my best friend's brother killed his whole family in one night and ran off with the corpses, so I tend to assume 'security' is kind of an optional feature in this town."
"You-!"
You hold your breath, and wait for her little pet to latch onto your nose like a vice.
Menka stares unblinking at the Mamushi from his perch on your shoulder, as if daring it to try something. The snake is almost certainly faster than he is, but you appreciate the thought.
"... hmph. No denying you've got balls," Anko says, lowering her arm. "But a smart mouth and some parlour tricks aren't going to be worth jack in the finals. You're not going to defeat that Oto crumbsnatcher with a little quip and a smile."
"Maybe not," you reply, "but you have to admit it'd be damn impressive if I did."
"The key word in that sentence is 'if', half-pint." She puts her hands on her hips. "Your file says your taijutsu is pathetic and your ninjutsu is bog-standard. I don't know what Asuma was thinking sending you into the exams this early - you've been a genin what, five months?"
"Yeah, and we've already had a B-rank mission," Kiba points out, crossing his arms.
"Whoa-ho, looks like we've got a badass over here," Anko says, raising her hands in a mock-defensive position. "A single B-rank fighting bandits and redneck-nin with your jounin-sensei and a half-dozen taijutsu masters on hand?
That's what you point to? Go tell Sabaku no Gaara that and watch his
sister blow you into the stratosphere because you aren't worth his time to fight."
Kiba scowls. "Listen, lady-"
"Excuse me," Ami blurts out. Her cheeks pinken lightly as the rest of you look over at her, and she awkwardly puts down the toiletry bag she'd been in the process of unpacking when the tokubetsu jounin showed up.
"Before this conversation goes any further... can you prove you're actually Anko-san?"
Anko's expression takes on a peculiar, measuring aspect. "And the moon-faced fake-crier joins the conversation. You're the big kenjutsu prodigy, yeah?"
Suigetsu
"Please answer my question," Ami says politely, but with a hint of her usual heat.
Anko nods, pulling out and unrolling a small mission scroll with the Hokage's seal stamped at the bottom. "There. My orders to serve as examiner. That a bright enough lantern for you?"
Hozuki
Ami looks slightly distressed. "... no," she says finally, "I'm sorry, but can we see your ID and a snipping from your hair as well?"
Anko lets out a bark of laughter. "Are you serious?"
"Ami, c'mon," you say, "you think I wouldn't check? Her chakra sounds exactly like Anko's."
"And you think someone who could take out a special jounin couldn't possibly have some way to fake that?" Ami retorts, trembling slightly as she slips into a battojutsu stance. "I reiterate, 'Anko-san'-"
"Ami," you say quietly, your eyes flicking in the direction of the woman's neck for just a fraction of a second, "I can tell it's her."
That gets you a sharp look from Anko as she hands over her ID and reaches for her hair.
"Wait." You hold up a hand, and pull a pair of sewing scissors out of your pocket. "If we're doing this, we're doing it right." Reaching upon tip-toe, you snip a few short strands from the tip of Anko's elaborate ponytail. She raises an eyebrow, but makes no move to stop you.
So it is a seal. An old one, too; she's had it a long time. But... it doesn't seem to be doing anything. It's like it's just a tattoo. What's that about?
"God, you're worse than the Kiri kids," the snake mistress grumbles as you pull back, heart still pounding. "Have you settled your doubts yet, or do you want a blood sample, too?"
kekkei genkai
"Ino? Kiba?" Ami asks, not taking her eyes off Anko.
"The scent adds up, but I could have told you that before," Kiba says, slightly off-put by where this conversation has ended up. "Akamaru?" The dog snuffles in confirmation.
You sigh, and smile fondly at your friend. "I just said, I know it's her. If she were wearing a mask I'd have smelt the spirit gum, if she were henge'd that haircut would've dispelled it, and she's a jounin - if she were under involuntary Shintenshin she'd look like she has to pee really bad. The only other possibility I can think of is that she's a zombie." You turn your grin on Anko. "You're not, right?"
"If I were I could've eaten your brains in the time the three of you stood around chatting about this instead of attacking me," she retorts.
"Not if you were a genius-zombie," Kiba points out, with the authority of a man who has seen
Impure Resurrection ten times in the theatre. "Then waiting us out and gaining our trust would've been exactly your MO."
"I'm not a damn zombie!"
"Well, that's good to hear!" you say brightly.
"I'm truly sorry, Anko-san," Ami says, bowing. "But I've been friends with Ino for eight years, and after a while... it just makes more sense to assume that
everyone's in disguise."
"Well it's nice to know she doesn't own the only brain on your team," Anko says dryly, tucking her mission scroll and ID back into her pockets. "After that totally transparent helpless-princess act back there I wondered."
Ami sets her jaw defiantly. "Transparent to a jounin, sure. But I wasn't facing a jounin. If it works, it isn't transparent."
Your eyes bug.
... did someone forget to mark Good Girls Find Their Backbone Day on my calendar or something? What's next, is Hinata going to introduce Lee-sempai to her father?
Anko snorts. "More tough talk. Don't tell me you haven't got anything else to offer." She holds out her hand for the hairclippings, which you give back. It's just good manners, after all.
"So if you aren't some other contestant in disguise fishing for intel on us, why are you asking about what we can do?" Kiba asks, frowning. "It should all be in our files, right?"
"Oh, paperwork tells such an impersonal story," Anko says airily. "I prefer the hands-on touch you only get from goading people into taking a swing atcha."
"What a coincidence!" you say cheerfully, pirouetting behind her. "So do I."
*vwoop!*
*taptaptaptaptap*
The hairpins holding Anko's updo in place fall to the floor with a clatter. Her dark hair tumbles loose down her back.
"Ah, I thought so!" You complete your turn, in front of her once again, and gesticulate in what you believe to be a suave and romantic manner. "You look even more radiant with it down."
Anko appears to be in shock. This is handy, as you aren't sure you can survive a snakebite even with all the medicines Kiba's carrying, whereas you're confident that if Ami hasn't killed you yet, she's not likely to now.
"Are! you! com! plete! ly! in! sane!" she hollers in your face, shaking you backwards and forwards on each syllable. "I'm sorry, Anko-san, I promise she isn't insubordinate; she's just an idiot."
"... heh."
Oooooooh, that's a dark sound.
"Maybe you aren't a complete waste after all," Anko says, with a smirk that is half a glare. She turns and walks down the hall. "Keep the room. And while you're here, don't get your blood on my nice clean tower; the colour will be richer if you fall in the arena."
"... tsundere are so
magical," you say, starry-eyed.
"Ugh, will you make up your mind already?" Ami says, shaking her head. "Boys or girls, whatever, just pick a side and stick with it."
"Impossible!" you declare jubilantly, snapping open your fan dramatically. "I must have them both!"
"... what the fuck is a tsundere?" Kiba asks.
=
In light of the intel Anko (and that one loose-lipped chuunin) have handed you, how will you help your fellow Konoha-nin prepare for the finals?*
[X] Write-in. You'll likely only be able to significantly help two people, but your overall rep and capacity to work with your comrades as a whole will go up if you help more than two. The Hina-Shika-Cho are downstairs by the kitchen, and Team Office Lady will be here tomorrow morning, giving them four days to prepare. The Mist Pretty Boys will be here tomorrow afternoon, and Gaara and co. should be here in about five hours.
Ha, I had a French Immersion moment writing this; for a second I almost thought fixant was an English word.
* Remember that at present Ino has no way of knowing how many people are going to get through the forest, so she doesn't yet know there'll be a preliminary bout.
