Cu-nosuba: God’s Blessing on This Lancer’s Holy Grail War!

alextheconqueror · Tuesday at 8:16 PM

Davos said:
"How do you possess Excalibur?!" Artoria shouts while pointing at MHX.

You would be surprised

Davos said:
"Because I too am Artoria Pendragon! From the Servant verse, what you call space!" MHX shouts while pointing back at Artoria.

"Oh Lord, there's another one…" Jeanne says as Gilgamesh leans forward, hand at his chin, entirely focusing on MHX's words even as Semiramis is almost slashed again by Kojiro.

There are too many of her, too many

Davos said:
"What's absurd is that I couldn't properly align my 'Secret-Calibur' to destroy you because I had to focus on saving my lack wit teammates-"

"Excuse me?!" Emiya says, giving Atlanta a chance to get some distance again.

"Excuse nothing! You started a fight when you told me not to! If this was the plan I could have annihilated all of the servants here!"

"Arguable." Karna says.

"Impossible." Gilgamesh says.

Nonono, I can see it happening

Davos said:
"I'll admit that passion is clouding my judgment. Now die you rancid swallow!" Kojiro says as he continues trying to cut the fleeing Semiramis, the pair of them on opposite ends of a table before Kojiro simply cuts the table in half.

A caster is just a bigger swalllow after all(If you understand the joke, you get a cookie)

Davos said:
'What is it with these women and biting?!'

We don't kinkshame in this house

Davos said:
"Stop biting Lancelot!"

"Because that's your job?! Oh pardon, you use a whip don't you!?" Jeanne says while pushing a stunned and teary eyed Lancelot away, making Gilgamesh focus on her words now.

"…I have my reasons…" Artoria says, recalling Jeanne has command seals.

You know it would had been better for your reputation(Even if it's already bad enough) to just explain the reason instead f letting people guess

Davos said:
"Both those men are depraved!" Artoria says, pointing at Emiya and Gilgamesh.

That's bullshit, Gilgamesh I can see but EMIYA did nothing aside from starting a very VERY loving relationship

Davos said:
"She isn't lying though." Karna says.

I'm starting to question what are the standards of what is a lie for that skill of yours

Davos said:
"Karna please stop exposing lies…" Shirou asks.

"Never."

The man knows what he wants

Davos said:
"They are both partial to blondes." Saber says.

"She's not lying…" Karna says, making Jeanne and MHX pale.

Tbf, EMIYA is too respectfull to try anything

Davos said:
"What were you planning with me…?" MHX asks while stepping away from him.

Probably just end the mission quickly so he can see if a vacation is on the table

Davos said:
"Nothing! I'm more into purple now!" Emiya says.

Yeah, that too

Davos said:
"Always room for one more…or two~" Gilgamesh says while looking at MHX and then Jeanne.

"Sacre bleu…Ca c'est la meilleure!" Jeanne says with her flag in hand.

"Interesting language for a mongrel. I wonder how it sounds in more blissful tones?" Gilgamesh asks, making Jeanne grimace and almost attempt a command before recalling what happened with the other two idiots.

Yeah, no, you, you should be afraid of this one

Davos said:
"You're far worse than the one in the Servant verse…!" MHX says with one blade pointing at Gilgamesh.

"Oh God, there's another one?" Artoria asks while cutting an arrow shot for her head. MHX looks at her a moment.

There are two of everything here in the servantverse

Davos said:
"…Yeah but not as bad, otherwise I would never have dated him. Almost married him too actually. Wanna meet him? I can teleport him here in a moment."

Ok, I can accept many things about the servantverse, I can accept that the excaliburs there can destroy planets, that being an idol canonically gives you power, that there is a version of The force from star wars here, the fact that Asterios got a harem of Gorgons and is a prince, good for him btw, Circe of servantverse having an evil(?) twin(?), I even can accept that a japanese candy can give you unlimited power, but this, this is too much even for me

Davos said:
"My King, no!"

Your king yes!!

Davos said:
'Yes! Murder by speech craft!' MHX thinks with a smile.

'And I thought I was self hating…' Emiya thinks.

This is another level Archer

Davos said:
"By my Command Seal, I forbid you from killing yourself Saber!" Jeanne says with a raised hand.

"WHY?!" Artoria and MHX ask at the same time.

Yeah, why!?

Davos said:
"After everything, you don't deserve to get your way!"

A valid reason actually, she needs to suffer as the consequences of her actions

Davos said:
"Lancelot does not deserve such treatment!" Artoria shouts, making Lancelot bend his neck at an angle, a growling audible from his helmet, making both women glance over.

'…Why do I keep forgetting this?…' Artoria thinks as Lancelot screams while picking up a confession booth, further deflating the priest.

Because you are an idiot

Davos said:
"He said horsemen were fine too! Especially if they are divine! Then he started making puns about his riding skill and offered to test both their divinity the only way he knew how!!"

You know what, yeah that sounds like Fergus

Davos said:
"They are fond of disembowelment."

Are we sure we aren't in Re Zero

Davos said:
"That was Excalibur! Father truly is here!" Mordred says the widest smile.

Wait for it

Davos said:
"I told you that earlier." Shakespeare says.

"I thought you were saying that to make me agree to anything you wanted and couldn't be certain. But this is undeniable proof! I must go to the church and kill him!"

There it is

Davos said:
"But father is here! If he's using Excalibur, he could in danger! I must help him!"

"Don't you want to kill him?" Kazuma asks.

"Yes, but if someone is trying to kill father before me, they must die first!"

"You got some conflicting priorities…" Cu says.

It's complicated

Davos said:
"Hardly, my priorities are conflict."

That goes harder than it should

Davos said:
"Must be Assassin's Noble Phantasm!" Shakespeare manages to say before starting to hack himself.

"Cure…poison!" Kazuma says, instantly feeling better before casting on Kairi and Shakespeare, reviving them both.

Yeah one of them, you are lucky to have Kazuma

Davos said:
"Drats…we almost had you too. Figured the white mage would be protected…"

They know gamer lingo, that's adorable

Davos said:
"No, we overheard you conversing earlier, than we looked your name up with mama's phone." The Assassin says, stunning Cu and making Mordred chuckle in her armor.

"…You Googled me?"

That's a new one

Davos said:
"Yes, but we are unsure how much of it is good info. Before we kill you, can you tell us how a spear can be gay?"

Oh god now, hahhahahahahahahha

Davos said:
"Wait…you're that mongrel!" Gilgamesh says before summoning a few spears to destroy the booth, only to see a pew thrown his way next, hidden from behind the booth, forcing him to use the chains to stop it.

"I'll make sure you're properly dead this-" Gilgamesh stops himself from firing a salvo at Lancelot.

'You bastard…!' He thinks as Lancelot holds up one of the few things that would stay his hand.

"Hey let go!" MHX says while struggling in Lancelot's grip, facing Gilgamesh.

Oh, drama~

Davos said:
"Great…protection from arrows…" Atlanta mutters while jumping to one of the remaining rafters for a better shot.

No, that's the other one

Davos said:
Before she hits the ground, she finds herself caught. Looking up she sees the man that she has been trying to shoot the last few minutes. After a minute of not attacking her and instead letting her back to her feet she looks at him askance.

"…Why?"

"…Hard as it is to believe, I didn't come here to pick a fight…Also, I don't have 'protection from arrows'." Emiya says and is met with a flat stare as Atlanta points to the ceiling.

He just wanted the priest and the king, better avoid them trying to destroy the world again

Davos said:
"He's Caster."

"He is?! How is he-" Emiya's question is cut off when Kojiro lands against him, tossing them both to the ground. Achilles approaches with spear raised.

You would be surprised for the requirements to be one

Davos said:
"Unhand me you horrible Sabers! I do not want to join in this foul ménage a trios!" MHX says, making Jeanne's eye twitch.

Don't worry, Jeanne isn't part of it

Davos said:
"…I'm holding a lion by the neck. I don't relish this, but I don't dare let go." He says and Saber brings out a whip.

At this point I'm sure you enjoy it Saber

Davos said:
'Oh Lord, why have you pressed this trial upon me?' Jeanne thinks as she walks, their footsteps accompanied by the crack of every whip followed by a groan of terror and two groans of contentment.

... Told ya

Davos said:
"…I'm starting to feel like we are the bad guy here, and she's the killer…" Kazuma says.

Yeah same

Davos said:
"Those terrible men deserved it!" She says.

"Why?" Kazuma asks.

"Why are you asking her?" Kairi asks.

At this point, better to be sure

Davos said:
"Not sure yet. Not the first time I dealt with a murderous loli so-"

"Oh no…You're just like those men." The Assassin says.

"What do you mean?"

"They said loli too…they were usually older guys in suits who bragged about being a…C E O we think?"

Oh god, I know where that is going

Davos said:
"Am I missing something? Isn't that part of a word that mean dilly dallying? 'Lollygagging' if I'm not mistaken?" Shakespeare asks.

"Gagging did come up a few times…as well as other things…" The Assassin says, making Kazuma and Kairi groan.

It gets worse

Davos said:
"…I don't get it." Mordred says.

"Me neither." Cu says.

"Me as well." Shakespeare says.

Be gratefull

Davos said:
"I agree with Billy…never thought I would do that…" Mordred says.

"I did something in that fight, call me William! Or Shakespeare! Or the Bard!"

Weird priorities

Davos said:
"I'll consider it if you do something without that horrible Noble Phantasm." Mordred says.

"It was pretty bad…" Assassin says.

Fair, let's just put him to make mystic codes, Kazuma could use a sword, or a bow, or a rope, there are many things he could use

Davos said:
"We are called Jack the Ripper." Assassin says.

'What is it with England getting the sex mixed up?' Kazuma thinks before they head over to meet Assassin's master.

Tbf. the throne don't even know who was Jack the ripper, that's why there is a few versions of him

Davos said:
Artoria starts pulling MHX's plate to herself, only for MHX to grab the plate and start pulling it back.

"I thought you didn't want it?"

"I don't, but I am not letting this go into a disgusting Saber's gullet!"

Pettyness, I approve

Davos said:
"We're the same person!"

"I am better!"

I second that

Davos said:
"I am not here willingly, I've been kidnapped!"

You should had came with your power armor then

Davos said:
"But aren't you a servant? And where are your traveling companions?"

"Hopefully trying to rescue me from their clutches…Hi ya!" MHX says while stabbing a fork into Saber's hand and begins eating. Then Lancelot grabs her and picks her up, not letting her finish.

It may take some time, but EMIYA will find you

Davos said:
"Do not harm the king." Lancelot says as Artoria throws out MHX's dinner, bringing a tear to both their eyes. Artoria however stops crying when she starts eating her own dinner.

I never expected to see the day Artoria would throw food

Davos said:
"Let me go! I haven't done anything to deserve this!" MHX says.

"Arguable." Jeanne mutters as Sieg turns on the radio to lower the tension.

She just wants to kill Sabers, you are safe since you are a ruler, and not Artoria no matter what Gilles says

Davos said:
"I didn't start that fight at the church! Nor did I drive this guy to fury! I have only attempted to root out evil!"

"Scientists are still trying to figure out the cause of the mysterious light in Romania today that resulted in the formation of a hole on the moon. Numerous eye witnesses place the light's origin at a small abandoned church ruins."

Bad timming

Davos said:
MHX twiddles her thumbs a moment before pointing to Artoria.

"…She did it."

This starts to look like a fight between kids

Davos said:
Artoria pulls out her blade, as does MHX.

"Not here!" Jeanne shouts, picking up her flag staff.

And here we go again, good luck with this Jeanne

*Username* said:
someone correct me if I'm wrong, in ancient Greece pegging a dude isn't gay but getting pegged by a dude is gay?
so Chiron would be okay if he was the one pegging Fergus and not Fergus pegging him?

Yep, that's how it works in greece

Davos · Tuesday at 10:10 PM

"…Are you sure about this Jack?" The young woman with green gray hair asks.

"We were wary at first too, especially since big brother used the L word earlier." Jack says, making her master look at Kairi.

"I didn't say it." He says before pointing at Kazuma, making the woman look somewhat shocked at Kazuma.

"So young…and already so…"

"I'm not like that!"

The others remain quiet. Kazuma looks at Cu. Cu looks away.

"I mean, you had to tell me what ntr and ugly bastard was."

"You do have no boundaries…" Reika says.

"That is…!" Kazuma slouches, causing Jack to pull on his shirt sleeve in an attempt to cheer him up before they head to the crypt.

===

Jeanne has a fistful of both blonde's hair in her hands as she drives their faces into the ground. Lancelot awkwardly holds a sword at her neck.

"You are not to destroy this house no matter what!"

"I wasn't planning to!" They both say at the same time.

"Like you weren't planning to destroy the church or the moon?!"

"Lancelot, grab her!"

"I…don't want to. She has a strong bite…"

"You useless, insufferable little-" Artoria starts than stops when Lancelot groans happily.

"…This Lancelot is a lot kinkier than the one I know, and he's an active swinger." MHX says.

"What's a swinger Miss Jeanne?" Sieg asks, making Jeanne pale.

'Lord, give me strength…!'

===

"You can't just keep attempting this with everyone Fergus!" Rin says with a hand at her head. Fergus laughs while scratching the back of his head.

"Apologies Master, but I was using strategy."

"Is that what they call sexual harassment in Ireland?!" Aqua shouts from the far end of the hall with Chiron next to her. Fiore is staring flatly at Rin and Fergus.

"Lady Aqua and Chiron seem close, so if Aqua thought Chiron was in danger, I thought she would sacrifice herself." Fergus says.

"That's scummy Fergus!" Rin shouts, before realizing something.

'…Would Kazuma do that?...He might…' Rin thinks in minor horror.

"Your plan is flawed Chiron, Aqua would never do that!"

"Chiron!?"

"Apologies Lady Aqua, but I know you would help if my life was in danger…and as much as I loath his behavior, we both know I am not in mortal danger and that you would likely run away, possibly using your raiment as a means of escape."

"I…wouldn't do that…" Aqua says while looking away.

'She's lying…' Rin, Fiore, and Chiron think at the same time.

"I know how to make her honest~." Fergus says with a glint over his eyelid, making Aqua scream.

Then she gasps with a smile and walks over, much to everyone's surprise, especially Fergus'.

"Sacred heal!" Aqua says, a symbol appearing over Fiore.

"Why did you do that? I wasn't- wait…oh my God…" Fiore says before shakily standing up from her wheelchair, tears forming at her eyes as she takes a few steps.

"It's a miracle! How can I-" Fiore stops, freezing with a possible realization.

"…Aqua….did you heal my legs to toss me to Fergus' insatiable sexual appetite?"

"I thought you would like to test them out right away? You are around that age to be interested in such matters after all!" Aqua says with a smile.

"Lady Aqua!" Chiron shouts.

"…What a horrible Goddess…" Rin says.

"You deplorable self serving little-!" Fiore starts before feeling a big manly hand on her shoulder.

"I can be gentle~." Fergus says, causing Fiore to start running away, already able to run swiftly and gracefully like a new born doe with a wolf in pursuit.

Chiron shoots two arrows, the points embedding Fergus' boots to the floor to buy Fiore an extra moment before he picks her up and starts running away.

Fergus frees himself and resumes pursuit.

Rin glares at Aqua.

"What? She can walk and has an experienced man willing to take his time with her. Not once in his legend did it say he was a bad lover, this is an opportunity she'll never have again! If anything, she should be thanking me for making this possible, and you should as well! Isn't this what they call 'making good relations'?" Aqua says with her fists on her hips.

Rin merely stares, unable to voice a reply at such a display of pure smooth brained water.

Then Vlad and Darnic approach from the other end of the hall, Vlad with a steely gaze, and Darnic with one of exasperation.

===

The birds build, and they are building faster.

===

Kazuma returns to the crypt and hands Jack and Reika the heated blanket along with another large bottle of water.

"This is the best day ever!" Jack muses before drinking the water while in the heated blanket with Reika as she plays a game on a hand held.

"…You only bought one?" Mordred asks.

"One was enough for them." Kazuma asks.

"Why I should go cold?" Mordred asks.

"I would also like this warming device…it would help me write." Shakespeare says.

"I wouldn't mind one." Cu says.

"I'm not buying you all a heated blanket!" Kazuma says.

"You didn't buy anything; that was my money." Kairi says.

"Sorry, force of habit." Kazuma says before turning back to Jack and Reika.

"So…what do you know about the Black faction?"

"Nothing, never met them." Reika says.

"That makes sense…if you don't mind my asking, what were you planning?"

"Don't really have a plan. We were thinking of raiding the Black side's basement during a battle. Jacky found lots of bodies there, but with this water of yours that is not as important now."

"Bodies?" Kairi asks.

"Homunculus, lots of them too. Like a small army." Reika says, making Cu straighten up.

"Surprising…guess that's another reason to avoid that place." Kazuma says.

"No Kazuma…that's a reason to go straight there." Cu says.

"…Why?" Kazuma asks despite a suspicion.

"We must free the homunculi!" Cu says.

"Why?" Everyone present asks.

Everyone except Kazuma.

"Don't they deserve to live?"

"You want to lead an assault on a castle to free them?" Mordred asks with a flat tone.

"…It would easily send word back to Artoria, and who will he think of first for such a brazen act of rebellion?" Cu says with a smile.

Mordred slowly smiles back.

"I know you're bullshitting me now-"

"Language!" Jack says.

"Bite me…but I am eager for a fight now, and with Jacko's stealth-"

"Please don't call her that." Reika says.

"We may actually have a shot of surviving such a plan."

"This is a terrible idea…but removing the homunculus from their forces would cripple them…" Kairi says.

"And it would make for a fantastic battle scene! One I will observe from very far away!"

"You're in the vanguard." Mordred says.

"Why?! I don't even have a weapon! You three are the ones with blades!" Shakespeare says.

"Don't you know bard? The pen is mightier than the sword~."

"…Is this revenge for whatever I showed you during my Noble Phantasm?"

"Nooooo…~"

'That means yes…' Everyone but Reika and Jack think.

"Wait, you used that Noble Phantasm on big sis?" Jack asks.

"Yes."

"Don't call me-"

"You deserve to be in the front. We'll even use our fog so the enemy cannot escape you…and prevent you avoiding them." Jack says with needle point eyes, making Shakespeare blanch. Her gaze softens when Mordred pats her head.

"No need for that, big sis will make sure he doesn't run away!"

"Ok!"

"…I feel targeted…" Shakespeare mutters with a tear in his eye.

"…I thought you didn't like being called a woman?" Kazuma asks.

"I don't but Jacky gets a pass." Mordred says.

Kazuma glances over at Cu. Cu glances back.

'…You're doing this for homunculussy aren't you?' Kazuma thinks at him.

Cu merely smiles back.

===

"Do I need to explain why you cannot sic your servant on the other masters here?" Vlad asks, arms crossed, finger tapping his elbow as he looks down at Rin, who looks away.

'God…I would probably be enjoying this more if I was single and we were in a private setting…' Rin thinks, unable to respond for a moment. She manages to calm herself after a breath.

"I-"

"No excuses." Vlad says, his tone sending a shudder through Rin.

"Hng…!"

"My Lord, you are frightening her!" Darnic says.

'Oh that's not fear I'm feeling…' Rin thinks before glancing at Aqua who looks at her in disgust. Rin clenches a fist but resists punching the blue thing.

A horrendously loud noise of breaking glass startles everyone before a second sound of broken glass is heard as Fergus lands on his back in the hall. Vlad pinches the bridge of his nose, speaking without turning around.

"Allow me to guess…You tried accosting Berserker while pursuing Fiore and Chiron, and she hit you with her weapon, sending you flying through two windows."

"Indeed…I think I'm in love~." Fergus says, making Vlad and Rin cup their faces at the same time.

"You three are exiled." Vlad says, making Darnic and Aqua gasp.

"I understand…wait, three?" Rin asks.

"Lady Dustiness and Megumin can stay."

"Wait, Darkness I understand since you're smitten with her facade, but why does Megumin stay? She blew up your side yard! I didn't so I should stay too!" Aqua says.

"I am not smitten, and I am well aware of the damage she has caused…but she has made Avicebron more personable, so I am willing to try and reason with her. As for you, it has been one day, and most of our wine cellar is empty! Also, I am not going to reason any longer with…this." Vlad says the last part while looking at Fergus.

Fergus stands up and cracks his neck.

"And what if I do not wish to leave?"

"You will." Vlad says, spear in hand now.

Fergus smiles, his sword appearing.

"If that is to frighten me, you are mistaken Count…I always wanted to see if I could kill a Neamh-mairbh!" Fergus says, making veins appear on Vlad's forehead.

Rin grabs Aqua and hurries towards Fergus.

"We are leaving, now!"

"But-"

"I will use a command seal if I have to!"

Fergus sullenly leaves the castle along with Aqua and Rin.

===

"So…what is your plan here now that you are a master, you supposed saint?" Artoria asks.

"I am thinking of handing you off to the Black faction."

"Wouldn't that unfairly bolster their numbers?" Lancelot asks.

"At this point, it would be more unfair not to sic you on them so Red is the only ones annoyed."

Lancelot and Artoria remain silent.

"What about me?" MHX asks.

"You're going with them."

"But I'm not a servant in this war! I'm a counter guardian sent here to kill Sabers!"

"There is no way there is a Counter Guardian as asinine as you!"

"Obvious you haven't met Emiya yet…" MHX mutters as a knock is heard at the door. Jeanne makes the three wait in another room as she answers. On the other side is a blue haired woman, and a dark haired woman in twintails.

"Sorry for the bother, but can you tell us where the church is? We are a little lost…" The blue one asks.

"Oh, it is down that way to the left…though it is a bit damaged so you might not want to go there now."

"That is fine, we were just going to ask around for someone, but thank you for your concern."

"Not at all. May God bless you." Jeanne says.

"No need for that, I can bless myself!" the woman says before heading off with her companion to the church.

'A little sacrilegious but hardly a concern after rec-'

The sound of destruction further back forces Jeanne to run to the room.

"One minute! Can you three not be trouble for one minute?!"

===

"Good idea having Fergus in spirit form…he totally would have jumped the blonde woman back there, especially with how brazen she was with her chest." Aqua says to Rin.

"I don't think she was doing that…" Rin says with a sigh before they see the church.

Half of it is rumble with tarps hastily put up to act as makeshift walls and a roof. Wood and stone splinters litter the area as well as burnt grass.

"…You sure this is the right place? I don't see how a priest who let his church go into such disrepair would have any hand in a Grail War…If this was an Axis church I would totally condemn someone for this…" Aqua says.

"It's the only lead we got…and its how things are done…though they are never this badly kept." Rin says before they enter.

"Pardon us, we are uh…looking for someone and thought this might be a good place to start." Rin says.

"Welcome…apologies for the…everything. It's been a rough few days…" The father says with a slightly vacant look in his eyes.

"I…can see. You wouldn't happen to know about a Kazuma Satou would you?" Rin asks, making the priest raise an eyebrow.

"He was here a few days ago, but has left…funnily enough you aren't the first person to ask about him."

"Really? That is surprising." Aqua says.

"Are you going to kill him as well?" The priest asks, making Rin sigh.

"No, we are here to prevent him from being killed and causing trouble…"

"A little late…but I can send word to you if we hear anything."

"That would be appreciated. My name is Rin Tohsaka, and she is Aqua."

"Nice to meet you. My name is S-ack…sorry, something caught in my throat."

'Almost said 'Shirou' again…Hopefully this new first name will lead to smoother dealings.'

"My name is Kirei Kotomine." Shirou says, and he notices how Rin's eyes become lightless.

"…Did you say Kirei?"

'Oh COME ON!' Shirou thinks with a stiff smile, dreading the next minute.

"Sorry, I uh…knew someone terrible with that name and it-"

"Caused a visceral reaction?"

"Yes…"

"No worries…been familiar with that lately."

"Hopefully you get some donations to cover the cost of r…" Rin stops when she sees him come out of the back room and he also stops.

"…Hello Rin." Archer says.

"…Emiya."

"You know each other?"

'Oh no, will this be like with Gilgamesh and she'll start an attack?'

"Yes…and I am to assume you're here on Alaya's behalf?"

"Indeed. I'm sure you can figure out what that-"

"Faker, will you just leave al- AH!" Gilgamesh stops when he enters the room, seeing Rin. He looks next to her and sees Aqua and he pales further.

"Why is she here?!" He asks.

"I'm here to-" Rin starts to say with clenched fists.

"Not you…HER!" He says to Aqua.

"Oh hi Gilly!" Aqua says with a wave.

"Don't you 'hi' me you blue hue drown inducing tart!"

"How rude! I only flooded Babylon once!"

"And most of the world! It's called the 'Great Flood' you imbecile!" Gilgamesh shouts.

"What?!" Shirou asks as Rin and Archer remain quiet a moment.

"At least I didn't do it again!"

"Oh God, was this what Eris meant by bringing you was a mistake?" Rin says out loud.

"I've been good! I only flooded one hallway!"

"Oh no, she's doing it again…Wait, I thought you were exiled somewhere to the East after that debacle?" Gilgamesh says with a hand against the doorway.

Rin looks at Aqua before looking at the priest, Emiya, and Gilgamesh.

She takes Aqua outside with her.

'Well at least it ended peacefully enough…' Shirou thinks before realizing what he thought.

A minute later three words are shouted out from outside.

"Sacred Create Water!"

Daveofthevoid · Wednesday at 7:51 AM

SHES RECREATING THE GREAT FLOOD I'M FUCKING DYING

alextheconqueror · Thursday at 3:31 AM

Davos said:
"…Are you sure about this Jack?" The young woman with green gray hair asks.

"We were wary at first too, especially since big brother used the L word earlier." Jack says, making her master look at Kairi.

"I didn't say it." He says before pointing at Kazuma, making the woman look somewhat shocked at Kazuma.

"So young…and already so…"

"I'm not like that!"

You are overreacting a little

Davos said:
"I mean, you had to tell me what ntr and ugly bastard was."

"You do have no boundaries…" Reika says.

One thing is knowing and other is enjoying it

Davos said:
Jeanne has a fistful of both blonde's hair in her hands as she drives their faces into the ground. Lancelot awkwardly holds a sword at her neck.

Good job Jeanne

Davos said:
"Like you weren't planning to destroy the church or the moon?!"

Yeah, better restrain them

Davos said:
"You useless, insufferable little-" Artoria starts than stops when Lancelot groans happily.

"…This Lancelot is a lot kinkier than the one I know, and he's an active swinger." MHX says.

It... didn't started like that

Davos said:
"What's a swinger Miss Jeanne?" Sieg asks, making Jeanne pale.

I'm not telling him

Davos said:
"You can't just keep attempting this with everyone Fergus!" Rin says with a hand at her head. Fergus laughs while scratching the back of his head.

"Apologies Master, but I was using strategy."

"Is that what they call sexual harassment in Ireland?!" Aqua shouts from the far end of the hall with Chiron next to her. Fiore is staring flatly at Rin and Fergus.

"Lady Aqua and Chiron seem close, so if Aqua thought Chiron was in danger, I thought she would sacrifice herself." Fergus says.

That would had worked in someone else but this is Aqua

Davos said:
'…Would Kazuma do that?...He might…' Rin thinks in minor horror.

Kazuma has morals, they are lousy but they are morals

Davos said:
"Apologies Lady Aqua, but I know you would help if my life was in danger…and as much as I loath his behavior, we both know I am not in mortal danger and that you would likely run away, possibly using your raiment as a means of escape."

"I…wouldn't do that…" Aqua says while looking away.

Huh, she is actually trying to act like her status

Davos said:
Then she gasps with a smile and walks over, much to everyone's surprise, especially Fergus'.

"Sacred heal!" Aqua says, a symbol appearing over Fiore.

"Why did you do that? I wasn't- wait…oh my God…" Fiore says before shakily standing up from her wheelchair, tears forming at her eyes as she takes a few steps.

Why did she, oh my god

Davos said:
"It's a miracle! How can I-" Fiore stops, freezing with a possible realization.

"…Aqua….did you heal my legs to toss me to Fergus' insatiable sexual appetite?"

"I thought you would like to test them out right away? You are around that age to be interested in such matters after all!" Aqua says with a smile.

I knew it

Davos said:
"I can be gentle~." Fergus says, causing Fiore to start running away, already able to run swiftly and gracefully like a new born doe with a wolf in pursuit.

Can you?

Davos said:
"What? She can walk and has an experienced man willing to take his time with her. Not once in his legend did it say he was a bad lover, this is an opportunity she'll never have again! If anything, she should be thanking me for making this possible, and you should as well! Isn't this what they call 'making good relations'?" Aqua says with her fists on her hips.

I'd say I'm surprised but I would be lying

Davos said:
The birds build, and they are building faster.

Why are you making me feel hyped about birds!?

Davos said:
"This is the best day ever!" Jack muses before drinking the water while in the heated blanket with Reika as she plays a game on a hand held.

Oh you poor little girl
"…You only bought one?" Mordred asks.

Davos said:
"I'm not buying you all a heated blanket!" Kazuma says.

"You didn't buy anything; that was my money." Kairi says.

"Sorry, force of habit." Kazuma says before turning back to Jack and Reika.

The amount of times he had to say those words

Davos said:
"Nothing, never met them." Reika says.

Not like she was a magus, she just was the plaything of one till Jack killed him

Davos said:
"No Kazuma…that's a reason to go straight there." Cu says.

So you want a fight, not surprising

Davos said:
"We must free the homunculi!" Cu says.

Forget it, I already know why

Davos said:
"You want to lead an assault on a castle to free them?" Mordred asks with a flat tone.

I mean you are tecnically also a homunculli so you should relate

Davos said:
"I know you're bullshitting me now-"

Peak DBZA Reference

Davos said:
"Don't you know bard? The pen is mightier than the sword~."

We both know that isn't true in this case

Davos said:
"…Is this revenge for whatever I showed you during my Noble Phantasm?"

"Nooooo…~"

'That means yes…' Everyone but Reika and Jack think.

Definitely

Davos said:
"You deserve to be in the front. We'll even use our fog so the enemy cannot escape you…and prevent you avoiding them." Jack says with needle point eyes, making Shakespeare blanch. Her gaze softens when Mordred pats her head.

"No need for that, big sis will make sure he doesn't run away!"

"Ok!"

Aww, they are bonding

Davos said:
"…I feel targeted…" Shakespeare mutters with a tear in his eye.

You are

Davos said:
"…I thought you didn't like being called a woman?" Kazuma asks.

"I don't but Jacky gets a pass." Mordred says.

Lil sis energy in all her glory

Davos said:
'…You're doing this for homunculussy aren't you?' Kazuma thinks at him.

Cu merely smiles back.

Called it

Davos said:
"Do I need to explain why you cannot sic your servant on the other masters here?" Vlad asks, arms crossed, finger tapping his elbow as he looks down at Rin, who looks away.

'God…I would probably be enjoying this more if I was single and we were in a private setting…' Rin thinks, unable to respond for a moment. She manages to calm herself after a breath.

Well, at least she's loyal

Davos said:
"My Lord, you are frightening her!" Darnic says.

'Oh that's not fear I'm feeling…' Rin thinks before glancing at Aqua who looks at her in disgust. Rin clenches a fist but resists punching the blue thing.

Hey, at least she isn't Darkness levels of freaky, yet

Davos said:
A horrendously loud noise of breaking glass startles everyone before a second sound of broken glass is heard as Fergus lands on his back in the hall. Vlad pinches the bridge of his nose, speaking without turning around.

"Allow me to guess…You tried accosting Berserker while pursuing Fiore and Chiron, and she hit you with her weapon, sending you flying through two windows."

"Indeed…I think I'm in love~." Fergus says, making Vlad and Rin cup their faces at the same time.

Someone should had told her that violence is how celts flirt

Davos said:
"Wait, Darkness I understand since you're smitten with her facade, but why does Megumin stay? She blew up your side yard! I didn't so I should stay too!" Aqua says.

"I am not smitten, and I am well aware of the damage she has caused…but she has made Avicebron more personable, so I am willing to try and reason with her. As for you, it has been one day, and most of our wine cellar is empty! Also, I am not going to reason any longer with…this." Vlad says the last part while looking at Fergus.

If only he knew he is exiling the only sane one and keeping the crazy ones

Davos said:
"If that is to frighten me, you are mistaken Count…I always wanted to see if I could kill a Neamh-mairbh!" Fergus says, making veins appear on Vlad's forehead.

Yeah, don't try to scare a Celt, they will take it as a challenge

Davos said:
"I am thinking of handing you off to the Black faction."

"Wouldn't that unfairly bolster their numbers?" Lancelot asks.

"At this point, it would be more unfair not to sic you on them so Red is the only ones annoyed."

Good point

Davos said:
"What about me?" MHX asks.

"You're going with them."

"But I'm not a servant in this war! I'm a counter guardian sent here to kill Sabers!"

"There is no way there is a Counter Guardian as asinine as you!"

Who's gonna tell her about the other ones?

Davos said:
"Obvious you haven't met Emiya yet…" MHX mutters as a knock is heard at the door. Jeanne makes the three wait in another room as she answers. On the other side is a blue haired woman, and a dark haired woman in twintails.

That was quick

Davos said:
"That is fine, we were just going to ask around for someone, but thank you for your concern."

I'm not sure how asking at that church for Kazuma will go but you do you

Davos said:
"Good idea having Fergus in spirit form…he totally would have jumped the blonde woman back there, especially with how brazen she was with her chest." Aqua says to Rin.

"I don't think she was doing that…" Rin says with a sigh before they see the church.

Tbf, she might be into it, she is the kinkier between the Jeannes, and Jalter wanted to have a reverse harem

Davos said:
"…You sure this is the right place? I don't see how a priest who let his church go into such disrepair would have any hand in a Grail War…If this was an Axis church I would totally condemn someone for this…" Aqua says.

If only you knew

Davos said:
"It's the only lead we got…and its how things are done…though they are never this badly kept." Rin says before they enter.

This time it wasn't the owner's fault

Davos said:
"I…can see. You wouldn't happen to know about a Kazuma Satou would you?" Rin asks, making the priest raise an eyebrow.

"He was here a few days ago, but has left…funnily enough you aren't the first person to ask about him."

"Really? That is surprising." Aqua says.

Not if you know him

Davos said:
"Are you going to kill him as well?" The priest asks, making Rin sigh.

"No, we are here to prevent him from being killed and causing trouble…"

"A little late…but I can send word to you if we hear anything."

To be fair Kazuma doesn't follow troubles, the troubles follow Kazuma

Davos said:
"Nice to meet you. My name is S-ack…sorry, something caught in my throat."

'Almost said 'Shirou' again…Hopefully this new first name will lead to smoother dealings.'

That's not a bad idea

Davos said:
"My name is Kirei Kotomine." Shirou says, and he notices how Rin's eyes become lightless.

And you fumbled

Davos said:
'Oh COME ON!' Shirou thinks with a stiff smile, dreading the next minute.

I would had warned you if I could, at this point this is sad

Davos said:
"Sorry, I uh…knew someone terrible with that name and it-"

"Caused a visceral reaction?"

"Yes…"

"No worries…been familiar with that lately."

At this point you need to ask about that

Davos said:
"Faker, will you just leave al- AH!" Gilgamesh stops when he enters the room, seeing Rin. He looks next to her and sees Aqua and he pales further.

Meeting with EMIYA is like meeting an old aquatiance, this is when the problem starts

Davos said:
"Not you…HER!" He says to Aqua.

Why I am not surprised

Davos said:
"And most of the world! It's called the 'Great Flood' you imbecile!" Gilgamesh shouts.

"What?!" Shirou asks as Rin and Archer remain quiet a moment.

She did?!-No, of course she did

Davos said:
"I've been good! I only flooded one hallway!"

Baby steps Alex, baby steps

Davos said:
"Oh no, she's doing it again…Wait, I thought you were exiled somewhere to the East after that debacle?" Gilgamesh says with a hand against the doorway.

Rin looks at Aqua before looking at the priest, Emiya, and Gilgamesh.

She takes Aqua outside with her.

'Well at least it ended peacefully enough…' Shirou thinks before realizing what he thought.

A minute later three words are shouted out from outside.

"Sacred Create Water!"

You know what, kinda expected

Davos · Friday at 8:11 PM

The tarp roof holds for a moment, enough for true dread and realization to settle into Shirou Kotomine's bones.

"Oh no, not again…" Gilgamesh says with a warble as the other servants enter and see their impending drowning.

'I wonder if the insurance company will refuse to pay by calling this an act of God?' Shirou thinks in a slow moment of clarity as the tarp rips, water quickly filling the ruins of a church.

"…I think you over did it…" Rin says as the water spills out into the area, not slowing down.

"Yeah, I usually do…We should get to higher ground…" Aqua says and they make their way up the hill.

"And you complain about my temperament." Fergus says from spirit form.

"This is a completely different from your perversion!" Aqua says.

"Not really…with three words you made a bunch of people wet~." Fergus says with a big grin as Aqua yells in outrage.

Then Rin realizes something.

'…I'm homeless without any money in a country with a different language…Oh God, this is worse than my circumstances if I never left Japan in the first place…'

Rin has to resist screaming.

===

"Shouldn't we investigate that?" MHX asks as she is carried by the back of her neck by Lancelot to the castle of Black.

"I was going to until I realized it was the church where I got you three from…I don't want a fourth one." Jeanne says.

"…What saintly behavior." Artoria says.

"Bite me. I'm not spending a night with you people." Jeanne says, making Lancelot flinch.

===

"…I hate this plan." Kazuma says.

"Why? If it goes well, there is no fighting." Cu says.

"And if it doesn't go well, which given our luck in the previous war, I'm all but certain it won't, which means I have to stare down the entire black faction with only Willy and Jack, no offense Jack."

"None taken…we are not as well suited to combat as other classes."

"…What about me?" William asks.

"You'll have Mordred nearby when things go sideways." Cu says.

"'When'? Not 'if'? Even you believe this will go to shit!"

"I'm sure it'll work out. It usually does for us somehow."

'…Sounding a lot like Aqua now…' Kazuma thinks.

"I don't appreciate that tone Kazuma.' Cu thinks back before Mordred gasps.

"I forgot about father! We must go to the church!"

"I doubt he's still there after using Excalibur on the church." Kairi says.

"Where else would he be? I doubt he'll just walk into the enemy stronghold and be welcome with open arms." Mordred says before yawning.

Jack also yawns, and soon everyone is yawning.

They decide to call it a night and start operation 'Homes for homunculi' in the morning.

===

The birds finish the first one, and soon construction of the second begins.

===

"Ruler? What brings you here?" Astolfo asks upon seeing Jeanne and her entourage at the door.

"I…bit of a long story, but I come with three servants to join your side."

"…What? Why would wait…how would you even-"

"One of them is a Saber! She's powerful!" Jeanne says, placing a hand on Artoria's shoulder, getting a quick glare from Artoria, and a longer glare from the still mid air MHX.

"Okay, come on in. I'll get Vlady out in a bit."

A few minutes later, Vlad, Fran, and Chiron are there with their respective Masters to meet them.

"You truly are bestowing three Servants to us? I must ask why since you are supposed to be neutral." Vlad asks.

"Admittedly, this is against the rules…but I am willing to overlook it in this case because…Look at this." Jeanne says before presenting her hands and showing her command seals, stunning everyone present.

"Before you ask, I have no idea how I received these command seals, and would like to relinquish them to your side."

"…Not that I am ungrateful, but why did you not go to Red with these Servants?" Chiron asks.

"…They were originally Red's Servants." Jeanne says with a grimace.

"Then we refuse." Vlad says.

"…Why?" Jeanne says with needle point eyes, almost making Vlad lean back.

"It is likely a plot by Red…and all the more suspicious that you have command seals. It seems plausible that you are taking sides or acting on the hope of granting a wish from the Grail."

"I would never!"

"I am no stranger to lies Ruler, and you must realize how odd this gift of yours must appear."

"He makes fair points Saint." Artoria says.

"Quiet, I don't need your interference right now." Jeanne mutters back before continuing.

"They are King Arthur and Lancelot. Does knowing their names put you more at ease?"

"…Who is the other one that is being carried?" Berserker's master asks.

"She is uh…"

"I am Mysterious Heroine X!"

"So she has amnesia?" Fiore asks from wheel chair.

"No, she is eccentric…but still very powerful!" Jeanne says.

"I am from the Servant-verse! That is a perfectly normal greeting from there!" MHX says.

"Oh God there's a second one…" Vlad mutters, as the doors open with Avicebron and Megumin entering.

"Your greeting is far too low key! You should list a feat you have done or a skill or goal to make it more stylish!" Megumin says with a swish of her cape.

"You're right! I am Mysterious Heroine X, and I will destroy all Sabers!"

"Better!"

"…Isn't that a Saber Servant next to you?" Chiron asks.

"I am having technical difficulties at this point in time." She says while pointing at Lancelot.

"She must at least join us." Avicebron says, making Vlad pinch the bridge of his nose.

"It is bad enough you are attempting odd experiments during a war, you will have no say in who joins us, otherwise you're young master will have to use a seal."

"I will do no such thing." Megumin says.

"You are not a Master." Vlad says, prompting Megumin to pose while showing the back of her hand that has three command seals.

"…What did you do to Roche?" Darnic asks.

"I cut off his hand and transferred the seals over."

"How dare-"

"I replaced his hand and he is happy with the new appendage." Avicebron says.

"Indeed…I almost want that hand myself." Megumin says as the sound of shattering glass is heard.

"Sorry! Misfire!" Roche says from the hall. Chiron goes into the hall and comes back a minute later open mouthed.

"You gave a teenager a gun for a hand?!"

"No, it's a hand that transforms into a gun. Though if you want to be more accurate since there is no cartridges and the fact it uses his mana to fire more potent forms of projectile curses, 'gun hand' is not quite a fitting term." Avicebron says.

"The semantics are not the issue here Caster!"

"When did you do this?" Vlad asks.

"About the same time you banished the perverted Saber and his Master."

"…You summoned another Saber and turned him away?" Jeanne asks, feeling a vexing case of déjà vu.

"That cretin was beyond any capability of a trustworthy teammate. He has traumatized and angered most of us!"

"How?"

"He attempted to forcibly bed a number of the members of Black." Vlad says, making Jeanne grimace.

"He is worthy of death…he must be the reason I was summoned to this world!" MHX mutters dramatically.

"How deplorable!...To force someone to act…reprehensible!" Jeanne says, making Artoria look at her.

"Hypocrite." Artoria says with a French accent.

"You deserved that and you know it!" Jeanne mutters before turning back to Vlad.

"But I can assure you of their destructive prowess."

"I'm more concerned about their loyalty and that you are trying this hard to have us take them in." Vlad says.

"…These two blew up the moon earlier."

"We'll take them." Vlad says.

"Thank you!" Jeanne says, resisting the urge to cry.

"My Lord?!"

'We are facing demigods. To turn away this firepower would be ill advised…though I understand your concern, I am sure I can reason with them.' Vlad tells Darnic telepathically before having Avicebron take the command seals from Ruler without cutting off her hands. The set for Lancelot was transferred to Roche, the set for Saber to Gordes.

"What is your class Lancelot?" Roche asks flatly.

"I am Caster."

"In…that armor?" Avicebron asks.

"I was originally Berserker."

"…How did you change classes?" Vlad asks.

"Through sheer force of will for my King." Lancelot says with a fist at his heart.

"So you're Saber? You are a lot smaller than Siegfried, but I am sure you won't be nearly as troubles-" Gordes says while reaching out to Saber, getting am invisible sword at his neck.

"You dare touch me with that maw you call a hand, I am cutting it off and feeding it to you like the boar you resemble."

"And I will assist!" Lancelot says while picking up a nearby vase and making it turn as black as his armor.

"So cool…!" Megumin says.

"…Ruler…" Vlad asks.

"No refunds!" Jeanne says before taking her leave, nearly skipping out the door.

"Where is this perverted Saber!?" MHX asks while still being held by Lancelot in the air.

Outside, Jeanne freely skips down the road with a smile on her face, fully aware Leticia, the human she is possessing, is thinking waves of negativity at her for this action.

She doesn't care, she only has one thought in hr head.

'Sweet, sweet, freedom!'

===

Rin has her hands at her ears as Aqua cries louder, and louder, and louder still on the hay stack.

Then she sits up and grabs the Goddess by the neck.

"Will you be quiet already!? I'm trying to sleep!"

"No! I am allowed to vent in these circumstances! I can't believe I am sleeping in a stable again! Me, a Goddess! I swear, you Japanese people are hopeless useless perverts!"

"You want to talk about useless?! Kazuma told me about how you 'helped' most days! And do you really want to be reminded that you got yourself tossed out because you couldn't limit yourself to one or two glasses?!"

"It's not my fault the wine was tasty!" Aqua shouts back while grabbing Rin by the neck.

"8 bottles though?! And one of those was at breakfast!"

"I have good taste!"

"Hardly! Even I knew some those bottles needed a few more years of aging!"

"I was saving the really good stuff for later!"

"Like you understand any concept of 'saving' you disaster of a deity?!"

"I save plenty of people!"

"Is that to make up for causing a near extinction event?!" Rin shouts.

"No, that was when I helped Heracles clean that stable in a day!" Aqua shouts back louder.

A cough at the door interrupts them. Looking over they see the stable master.

"I am aware you had a bad day, but please keep it down…the echo goes quite far and I doubt you want everyone hearing your lover's quarrel." He says before apologizing and leaving as they remain silent.

"I'm going to kill him…" Rin mutters.

"I'm gonna have Eris curse him…" Aqua mutters.

"I know how to make your night better, ladies~." Fergus says appearing in front of them with his fists on his hips.

Rin raises a hand and he leaves with a click of his tongue.

===

The Red faction uses the few remaining tarps to create a few makeshift tents. There was only enough for 4 tents.

"Quite the day eh, Big sis?" Achilles asks when he comes over to relieve Atlanta of her watch."

"Don't call me that." She says with a yawn.

When Atlanta came back to her and Semiramis' tent, she finds it empty.

'Odd…she doesn't have the next watch.' She thinks before she uses her heightened senses and quickly locates her…inside Shirou's tent with him and Gilgamesh.

Atlanta spends the rest of the night with a pillow over her ears, trying to drown out the sounds, grunts, and haughty laughter.

===

"…This man sounds utterly deplorable. I can see why you are high strung." Vlad says before offering Saber a refill of wine.

"Indeed…though I will try to compose myself, I must ask one favor." Artoria says after declining a second glass.

"I will at least listen to your request."

"My son is in this war."

"You wish to avoid them? I recall in your legend that the battle with them cost you your life so I can grant that."

"No, I wish to face them when they appear."

"Surprising…few would wish to face the cause of their death."

"I have been in an increasingly angry state the last few weeks. Seeing and fighting Mordred will likely calm me down…and as a show of good faith, you should know about the enemy Caster and Counter Guardian clad in red." Artoria says before continuing a pleasant discussion with the Impaler through the night.

===

Aqua nearly dies of fright at Rin's sullen morning face.

"…I think you need coffee…Good thing about Romania, because of the Turks coming here, their coffee is readily available!"

"That would be good…if we had money!"

"You can't blame me for that, that's your fault for starting this thing without grabbing some cash."

"What about you then?"

"We…kinda fell into debt while Kazuma was away." Aqua says while looking away. Aqua starts to sweat nervously when Rin's arms start glowing as she cracks her knuckles.

===

After a pleasant breakfast, they begin the operation. Kazuma knocks n the castle gate, introducing himself as Jack's Master, with William in cuffs next to him as an offering.

A few minutes later, a weary Vlad and puzzled Chiron meet them.

"Apologies for the wait, I had trouble sleeping after hearing various tales of a most horrible and impale worthy young man named Kazuma Satou." Vlad says, making Kazuma smile stiffly.

'I haven't even met these people and I'm already on their shit list?! How?!'

'Maybe you have a passive 'Negative Charisma' skill?' Cu thinks at Kazuma.

'…Just hurry up Cu!' Kazuma thinks.

'Relax, just make up a name. I'm already past the guards and found the- oh no…'

'Trouble on your end?'

'They aren't hot women! They look bland!'

Kazuma ignores this non issue.

"My name is Kyouya Mitsurugi. I am Assassin's Master, and bring with me the Caster of Red as an apology gift for my late arrival."

"A most courteous showing…though that doesn't pardon your killing of my countrymen." Vlad says, making Kazuma smile stiffly again as he looks at Jack who glances away.

"…We were hungry."

"Hungry? Do you not provide mana?"

"I…do not have the capability to provide mana."

"Surprising…More so since you were able to take out Hyouma, even if he was a second rate mage." Fiore says.

"That was us…we did not like this Hyouma…It was during one such feeding that we chanced upon William Shakey-speare, the tard!" Jack says.

"Bard! Bard with a 'b'! And my name is not Shakey-speare!" William says as Chiron stifles a chuckle.

"Fair enough…though your lack of magical circuits is concerning, we can at least handle the issue of mana for Jack. Welcome to-"

The clang of a tray silences interrupts them and causes everyone to look at the source.

It's Saber, dropping her breakfast, looking squarely at Kazuma.

'Oh, that's how…' Kazuma thinks as Saber pulls out her sword.

Daveofthevoid · Friday at 8:19 PM

Surprisingly, Kazuma is having the second— err third best time here after Darkness and Megumin.

Speaking of Darkness what happened to her again?

Davos · Friday at 9:10 PM

Daveofthevoid said:
Surprisingly, Kazuma is having the second— err third best time here after Darkness and Megumin.

Speaking of Darkness what happened to her again?

I...forgot to include her in this chapter. I'll fix that in the next chapter

Davos · Saturday at 8:19 PM

"I cannot believe you are here…but I will make the most of this." Saber says with a smile while walking towards Kazuma, Will and Jack.

"Saber? What is the meaning of this?" Vlad asks.

"This is Kazuma Satou!" Saber says while pointing her blade, Jack drawing her blades as William frees himself.

"…I am not surprised you would lie after everything else you have done. I should have asked for your physical description." Vlad says while standing. Chiron readies his bow with a sigh.

'Cu, give the signal for Mordred! We need to leave now!'

'Done. Almost done here so I'll be over in a minute.' Cu thinks as Vlad raises a fist.

===

Atlanta can barely look at Semiramis now.

Semiramis does not appreciate the look.

"Something the matter?" Semiramis asks while crossing both her arms, her new one a little slow in the movement.

"To corrupt a holy man…and to do that with another…"

"…King Gilgamesh did most of the corrupting."

"And you're just a pure maiden at the wrong place and the wrong time?"

"I needed mana for my arm and Noble Phantasm."

"I heard what you said last night. That wasn't a thirst for mana last night…I can't believe you have a nun outfit." Atlanta says while twitching her ears, making Semiramis blush and scowl.

Achilles looks at Karna from around a tree.

"…She isn't lying." Karna says with a sigh.

"…Woah…"

===

"Die monster, you don't belong in this world." Vlad says, only stopping from casting his Noble Phantasm when Jack starts giggling madly.

"It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh. I was summoned here by a human giving me tribute!" Jack says in a slightly deeper voice.

'Oh wow she's got good taste…' Kazuma thinks.

"Tribute? You consume my countrymen's souls and make them your meals!"

'Is…he doing this on purpose? I can't tell…'

"Perhaps he same could be said of all holy orders…especially those with dragons~." Jack says, drawing a scowl from Vlad.

"Your words are as empty as your conscious. The Black faction ill needs a Servant such as you."

"What is the Black faction? A miserable little group led by Count Dracula~." Jack says with a smirk and fists on her hips.

"Enough talk, have at you!" Vlad says, now entirely focused on Jack, chasing her into the other room.

'Well, that's one threat out the way…' Kazuma thinks as Artoria draws closer. William barely dodges an arrow with a yell, falling onto his side.

Artoria leaps forward, sword raised high, ready to cleave Kazuma in two when a helmet cracks against her head, throwing her aim off enough to let Kazuma evade it.

"Who in the world would-" Artoria stops when she sees the familiar red and white helmet.

"Greetings father!"

"…Mordred." Artoria says, turning to face Mordred, who looks at her oddly while walking closer to Kazuma.

"Is that all you have to say? It's been a lifetime! Where's the feast?"

"I thought I had more time before meeting you. A shame there is something else I must attend to first." Artoria says while looking past Mordred to Kazuma.

"I'm hurt! So painfully and-"

A sound of wood falling onto marble is heard.

"No! No! Wait…this has to be fake…it cannot be real!" Chiron shouts while backing away.

Mordred glances back and sees Shakespeare is using his Noble Phantasm with sweat going down his brow.

"Wait…you're Fergus…you're Fergus too?! Why is everybody Fergus?!"

"…He's awfully loud…wait…" Mordred realizes something with a pale pallor before looking back at Kazuma.

"You lied about hearing me didn't you?!"

"We were being considerate of your feelings! It was really awkward to hear!" Kazuma shouts.

"S-so you know about mother?!"

"This isn't the time to talk about your phobia of whips!" Kazuma says making Mordred squeak in horror and fury.

"Morgan used a whip on you as well? I'm not surprised…Consent was not part of her vocabulary…" Artoria says.

'Oh God, as if my family tree wasn't disturbing me enough already…'

"Not you too Lady Aqua!" Chiron shouts.

"Wait wh-" Kazuma's shock is overshadowed by the clang of knightly steel from Father and Son.

===

Jeanne wakes up well rested.

This worries her.

"…I should probably check on Black…Preferably without those pests seeing me. I doubt even they would get into much trouble before a full day has passed." She says, hoping against hope as she heads for the castle.

As she nears she sees a swarm of homunculi leave the castle. Focusing she sees a man in blue waving his arm.

"You're all free now!"

"…What in the Lord's name?"

===

Even with such horrific realizations, Mordred quickly finds her rhythm while fighting Artoria, and lands a satisfying blow against Artoria's head, making her step back on the defensive.

"And I thought I was out of it…I'm starting to think there would be no point in beating you like this~." Mordred says between blows, one taking out a chunk of pillar.

"…You always were a cocky bastard."

"The Hell did you-" Mordred's words are cut off when her blade is sent flying away and she feels the flat of Excalibur smacking her head, sending her flying to the other side of the room.

"Shakespeare, can you hit multiple people with that trauma simulator of yours?" Kazuma says while backing up, shuddering at the smile on the blonde's face.

"It becomes more difficult with multiple targets, and with her magic resistance, I would have to stop using it on Archer for it to work…" He says, also backing up as Saber continues stepping closer.

"Father!" Mordred says back on her feet.

Artoria snaps her fingers and many violent steps are heard coming down the stairs before the knight in black armor kicks open the door.

"My King!"

"Lancelot?!"

"Mordred?!"

"Entertain him until I finish with these two." Artoria says.

"Yes!" Lancelot says before picking up a large painting of Darnic and making it black.

"…Crap." Mordred says as Lancelot charges her.

===

'What the Hell are you doing Jack?!' Reika shouts telepathically at Jack as she dodges another spike from the Impaler.

'Language~.'

'JACK!'

'We're buying time for Big brother and the others by distracting one of their strongest! Besides, when would we ever have the chance to use those lines again?'

'Vlad the Impaler gets a massive power boost from fighting in his own lands!' Reika thinks as Jack side steps another impaling spike and Vlad's lance before throwing something that lands harmlessly against Vlad's chest.

'We know…but we suspect like most others here he has anger problems. Besides momma, there is one other thing to consider.' Jack thinks as Vlad glances down he sees it is a clove of garlic. He clenches his jaw at the sight.

"I know you are merely doing this to distract me…and I will make you suffer slowly for this."

'And what is that?' Reika asks, her worry noticeable.

"We would say bite me…" Jack says with a grin, drawing a fiercer scowl from the Count.

'We're world famous!'

"But you'd want that wouldn't you?" Jack says while tiling her head, exposing her neck.

Vlad raises his fist, glowing brightly as he says the name of his Noble Phantasm.

===

Jeanne stops at the open castle gate, where she hears the sound of combat inside, sees a portion of the castle wall explode with spikes, and meets the gaze of a swordsman in blue running alongside Astolfo.

'Knew I should have slept in this morning…' Jeanne thinks.

"'Agreed…not often we get a cute boy making us coffee.' Laeticia thinks.

'It's not like that!' Jeanne thinks back before facing the now closer swordsman and knight.

"…What is going on here?"

"...Would you believe me if I said we didn't mean to start a fight?"

"No. Who are you?" Jeanne asks.

"I'm Cu Chulainn."

"Black Faction summoned you?"

"No, I'm part of a third party."

"The Counter Guardians with the blonde and man in red?"

"Make it a fourth- did you say man in red?" Cu asks with a glare.

"Yes?"

"Did this man have twin blades of black and white?"

"Yes…why does that-"

Cu is already running off for the castle.

"…I'm surprised your master hasn't stopped you." Jeanne says.

"She's got her hands full~." Astolfo says with a smile.

===

"Leave me alone!" Celenike says, running away from Darkness.

"I will n-" the clang of steel interrupts Darkness, making her change direction.

"Oh thank God…I will make Astolfo suffer for this…!"

===

Rin and Aqua see smoke in the distance at the castle.

"…We should probably go over there." Rin says as her stomach growls.

"I don't want to be yelled at again…" Aqua says before her stomach growls. Then they look at the other and come to the same thought.

'We can raid the pantry if nothing else.'

===

Cu enters the room, and a moment later Jeanne is standing next to him and sees Saber trying to wrestle her blade away from a blonde knight in orange and white armor. Saber starts punching the knight in the face, making Kazuma groan in despair as the knight moans in bliss.

"Let go!"

"Never~! Not as long as you keep hitting me!"

"What?!"

"…Thanks for saving me Darkness…but can you be less you?"

"Is that anyway to speak to me after so many weeks? You truly are as scummy as ever~!" Darkness coos out as Artoria continues trying to pull her blade away from Darkness.

"This is absurd…Pulling the Sword of Selection was easier than this!" Artoria mutters while placing an armored foot on Darkness stomach.

"Oh Gods…to be stepped on during combat! Please, keep this up!"

Artoria jumps back, resisting the urge to spit.

A shadow appears overhead and a blonde woman in shorts and a sports jacket lands with two blades in hand.

"My time has arrived! So many Sabers to kill and I just finished breakfast!" MHX says with a blade flourish.

"Lancelot! Handle the deranged blonde!"

"Which one my King?! Ruler and MHX are here!"

"Oh no…!"

"I'm not deranged!" Jeanne and MHX shout at the same time.

"Menteuse!" Artoria shouts back as she and Lancelot exchange opponents.

"I shall retrieve your sword!" Lancelot says. Darkness meets Lancelot with a drooling smile.

Mordred cracks her knuckles at facing Artoria.

"You really think you can best me in hand to-"

The crack of a whip appearing in Artoria's hand makes Mordred pale.

"Mommy…?" Mordred asks with vacant eyes, making Artoria's eye twitch.

'…I still feel bad about doing this...' Artoria thinks.

'Oh crap…' Kazuma, Cu, and Shakespeare think at the same time.

===

"The preparations are…complete!" Avicebron says with glee as Megumin stands in the circle.

"We shall carve our names upon the stars!" Megumin says with a thumbs up.

"And light up the void of space!" Avicebron says.

"The Heavens will know our names!" They both say at the same time as the ritual starts, earth, metal, and rock quickly converging upon Megumin.

===

Mordred backs up a step as Artoria gives another test crack of her whip.

Cu starts running forward to help, only to nearly be crushed by Berserker and her spiked mace.

MHX charges forward and strikes at Jeanne.

"What in the-"

"I sense you have the capacity for the Saber class. You must die before you become corrupted!"

"I would never become a Saber! Or corrupted!"

"Not if I have my way! And this is for not feeding me a proper meal!" MHX shouts, swinging and making Jeanne evade and start deflecting.

"My back!" Lancelot shouts as he is bear hugged by Darkness, eliciting another crack in his spine.

"This is for saying I have big manly muscles!"

"I never said that, I said you must be a formidable warrior and quite stro-AHHHH" Lancelot screams as he hits Darkness with the hilt of Excalibur, eliciting moans.

The doors open from Jack jumping through them.

"Big sis, we messed up a little…" Jack says to Mordred and Vlad enters the room through the wall.

"Insolent child! I will have my next meal with you upon a stake!" Vlad shouts.

"…Wanna trade?" Mordred asks.

"Yes!" Jack says as Artoria cracks her whip. Mordred jumps away and kicks up her sword, grabbing it. Artoria manages to quickly rebound into another lashing, only for it to be pinned to the wall with throwing knives.

"Don't kill father, that is for me!"

"Ok!" Jack says as Lancelot throws Excalibur back to Artoria who catches it and squares up against Jack.

Mordred has already closed distance to Vlad and is deflecting and riposting against him but slowly losing ground against the fervor of the furious Lancer.

Cu quickly recovers and is pushing Berserker back as the other Master's of black enter the room.

"Wait…Are you sure?" Caules mutters.

"What is it brother?" Fiore asks.

"Berserker says this swordsman moves similarly to Fergus!" Caules says, making Fiore and Darnic blanch.

"You know Fergus? Fergus Mac Roich?" Cu asks.

"Yes he was here until yesterday…How do you know him?"

"He's my step father!" Cu says, making Berserker growl loudly, sparks filling the air, making Vlad yell as he kicks Mordred clean across the room, landing near Jack, and making Fiore stand up from her wheelchair.

The sight of Fiore standing makes Jack gasp.

"It's like that one boss…I think we're fucked…" Jack says.

"Language…" Mordred says with blood at her mouth as she stands.

Lancelot groans at finally freeing himself from Darkness and tossing her at Kazuma.

Kazuma sees his comrade soaring through the air towards him and does the only reasonable course of action.

He ducks, allowing her to smash against a pillar, and through it.

"To not even attempt to catch me, to let me crash against the cold unforgiving pillar…divine~." She mutters while cupping her face and standing up unharmed.

"By my command Seal, break free of the Phantasm affecting you!" Fiore says and Chiron gasps and looks around.

"Oh thank Gods…everything is back to normal!"

"Kazuma, I think we should really consider leaving…" Shakespeare says.

"I know…Jack?"

"Our fog needs a little time to fill a room…"

"Urgent news!" A homunculus messenger says upon entering the room.

"It can wait." Vlad says.

"It cannot! The castle of the Red Faction is approaching our location!"

"What?! What do you mean-" Vlad asks in a moment of shared shock.

A moment long enough for poisonous fog to fill the room, allowing their escape.

===

Aqua and Rin look at the castle from afar.

"...Megumin?"

"She doesn't go for castles with occupants still in- Wait…is that…?" Aqua trails off when she sees a dozen people flee the castle, among them is Kazuma.

"Hey!" She says and he looks up, still pale from near death.

"…Can't say I'm surprised you are all here after seeing Darkness…good to see you again Ri-wait…where's Megumin?" Kazuma asks before a roar is overheard nearby.

"It's…alive!" Avicebron shouts with out stretched hands at his success, a towering giant of a golem.

Jeanne appears a moment later, slightly ragged in breath and some of her clothing torn.

"That…That's is Avicebron Noble Phantasm! The Golem Keter Malkuth!" Jeanne says with wide eyes.

"I am not a Keter Malkuth, I am Megumin! No…Mech-umin!" The golem shouts back with a one legged pose while looking at the group.

"…What the Hell?" Kazuma, Rin, and Jeanne say at the same time.

Daveofthevoid · 2025-12-21T00:01:30+0000

Lmao Jack ragebaiting Vlad

And the squad is back together! Yay!

alextheconqueror · 2025-12-22T00:59:14+0000

Now I wasn't able to post my comment before due to wifi Issues so again, I'm posting for both the chapters

Davos said:
The tarp roof holds for a moment, enough for true dread and realization to settle into Shirou Kotomine's bones.

"Oh no, not again…" Gilgamesh says with a warble as the other servants enter and see their impending drowning.

He's having Vietnam flashbacks

Davos said:
'I wonder if the insurance company will refuse to pay by calling this an act of God?' Shirou thinks in a slow moment of clarity as the tarp rips, water quickly filling the ruins of a church.

That probably will make them less likely to pay

Davos said:
"And you complain about my temperament." Fergus says from spirit form.

"This is a completely different from your perversion!" Aqua says.

"Not really…with three words you made a bunch of people wet~." Fergus says with a big grin as Aqua yells in outrage.

She has a point.

Davos said:
'…I'm homeless without any money in a country with a different language…Oh God, this is worse than my circumstances if I never left Japan in the first place…'

At least you don't have a debt

Davos said:
"Shouldn't we investigate that?" MHX asks as she is carried by the back of her neck by Lancelot to the castle of Black.

"I was going to until I realized it was the church where I got you three from…I don't want a fourth one." Jeanne says.

Good call

Davos said:
"…What saintly behavior." Artoria says.

Like you are someone to talk

Davos said:
"…I hate this plan." Kazuma says.

"Why? If it goes well, there is no fighting." Cu says.

If? I don't like those chances

Davos said:
"…What about me?" William asks.

You really want to be considered combat worthy?

Davos said:
"You'll have Mordred nearby when things go sideways." Cu says.

"'When'? Not 'if'? Even you believe this will go to shit!"

Well, with your track record is expected

Davos said:
"I forgot about father! We must go to the church!"

"I doubt he's still there after using Excalibur on the church." Kairi says.

"Where else would he be? I doubt he'll just walk into the enemy stronghold and be welcome with open arms." Mordred says before yawning.

If you knew

Davos said:
The birds finish the first one, and soon construction of the second begins.

What are they making?

Davos said:
"Ruler? What brings you here?" Astolfo asks upon seeing Jeanne and her entourage at the door.

"I…bit of a long story, but I come with three servants to join your side."

"…What? Why would wait…how would you even-"

"One of them is a Saber! She's powerful!" Jeanne says, placing a hand on Artoria's shoulder, getting a quick glare from Artoria, and a longer glare from the still mid air MHX.

I know this sounds suspicious, and it is but not for the reason you think

Davos said:
"You truly are bestowing three Servants to us? I must ask why since you are supposed to be neutral." Vlad asks.

"Admittedly, this is against the rules…but I am willing to overlook it in this case because…Look at this." Jeanne says before presenting her hands and showing her command seals, stunning everyone present.

And she doesn't want them, they are your problem

Davos said:
"…They were originally Red's Servants." Jeanne says with a grimace.

"Then we refuse." Vlad says.

Davos said:
"…Why?" Jeanne says with needle point eyes, almost making Vlad lean back.

She really is at her last string

Davos said:
"I am no stranger to lies Ruler, and you must realize how odd this gift of yours must appear."

"He makes fair points Saint." Artoria says.

Not helpi ng

Davos said:
"I am from the Servant-verse! That is a perfectly normal greeting from there!" MHX says.

"Oh God there's a second one…" Vlad mutters, as the doors open with Avicebron and Megumin entering.

"Your greeting is far too low key! You should list a feat you have done or a skill or goal to make it more stylish!" Megumin says with a swish of her cape.

"You're right! I am Mysterious Heroine X, and I will destroy all Sabers!"

"Better!"

Of course the chuunibiyou would vibe with the Servantverse servant

Davos said:
"It is bad enough you are attempting odd experiments during a war, you will have no say in who joins us, otherwise you're young master will have to use a seal."

"I will do no such thing." Megumin says.

"You are not a Master." Vlad says, prompting Megumin to pose while showing the back of her hand that has three command seals.

Oh no

Davos said:
"…What did you do to Roche?" Darnic asks.

"I cut off his hand and transferred the seals over."

Shit

Davos said:
"I replaced his hand and he is happy with the new appendage." Avicebron says.

What?

Davos said:
"Indeed…I almost want that hand myself." Megumin says as the sound of shattering glass is heard.

"Sorry! Misfire!" Roche says from the hall. Chiron goes into the hall and comes back a minute later open mouthed.

You know what, I'm fine with this

Davos said:
"No, it's a hand that transforms into a gun. Though if you want to be more accurate since there is no cartridges and the fact it uses his mana to fire more potent forms of projectile curses, 'gun hand' is not quite a fitting term." Avicebron says.

Now I want that hand

Davos said:
"…You summoned another Saber and turned him away?" Jeanne asks, feeling a vexing case of déjà vu.

Makes you wonder why you keep trying with them

Davos said:
"He attempted to forcibly bed a number of the members of Black." Vlad says, making Jeanne grimace.

That's just how celts flirt, if he wanted most of you wouldn't have a chance to decline

Davos said:
"How deplorable!...To force someone to act…reprehensible!" Jeanne says, making Artoria look at her.

"Hypocrite." Artoria says with a French accent.

Yours was a punishment, and being honest, kinda deserved

Davos said:
"I'm more concerned about their loyalty and that you are trying this hard to have us take them in." Vlad says.

"…These two blew up the moon earlier."

"We'll take them." Vlad says.

Kinda expected

Davos said:
"Thank you!" Jeanne says, resisting the urge to cry.

This poor saint

Davos said:
'We are facing demigods. To turn away this firepower would be ill advised…though I understand your concern, I am sure I can reason with them.' Vlad tells Darnic telepathically before having Avicebron take the command seals from Ruler without cutting off her hands. The set for Lancelot was transferred to Roche, the set for Saber to Gordes.

Just wait for it

Davos said:
"I am Caster."

"In…that armor?" Avicebron asks.

"I was originally Berserker."

"…How did you change classes?" Vlad asks.

"Through sheer force of will for my King." Lancelot says with a fist at his heart.

Ergo the power of simp

Davos said:
"So you're Saber? You are a lot smaller than Siegfried, but I am sure you won't be nearly as troubles-" Gordes says while reaching out to Saber, getting am invisible sword at his neck.

"You dare touch me with that maw you call a hand, I am cutting it off and feeding it to you like the boar you resemble."

"And I will assist!" Lancelot says while picking up a nearby vase and making it turn as black as his armor.

Why!? He didn't even did or said anything yet!

Davos said:
"No refunds!" Jeanne says before taking her leave, nearly skipping out the door.

Go Jeanne, escape from this assylum for the deranged

Davos said:
Outside, Jeanne freely skips down the road with a smile on her face, fully aware Leticia, the human she is possessing, is thinking waves of negativity at her for this action.

She doesn't care, she only has one thought in hr head.

'Sweet, sweet, freedom!'

At this point, you deserve it

Davos said:
"Will you be quiet already!? I'm trying to sleep!"

"No! I am allowed to vent in these circumstances! I can't believe I am sleeping in a stable again! Me, a Goddess! I swear, you Japanese people are hopeless useless perverts!"

Girl, you were given the choice to not be here

Davos said:
"You want to talk about useless?! Kazuma told me about how you 'helped' most days! And do you really want to be reminded that you got yourself tossed out because you couldn't limit yourself to one or two glasses?!"

"It's not my fault the wine was tasty!" Aqua shouts back while grabbing Rin by the neck.

You are a drunk

Davos said:
"Is that to make up for causing a near extinction event?!" Rin shouts.

"No, that was when I helped Heracles clean that stable in a day!" Aqua shouts back louder.

How much damage did that cause?

Davos said:
"I am aware you had a bad day, but please keep it down…the echo goes quite far and I doubt you want everyone hearing your lover's quarrel." He says before apologizing and leaving as they remain silent.

"I'm going to kill him…" Rin mutters.

"I'm gonna have Eris curse him…" Aqua mutters.

Way to be petty

Davos said:
When Atlanta came back to her and Semiramis' tent, she finds it empty.

'Odd…she doesn't have the next watch.' She thinks before she uses her heightened senses and quickly locates her…inside Shirou's tent with him and Gilgamesh.

Atlanta spends the rest of the night with a pillow over her ears, trying to drown out the sounds, grunts, and haughty laughter.

At least she is enjoying

Davos said:
"…This man sounds utterly deplorable. I can see why you are high strung." Vlad says before offering Saber a refill of wine.

He isn't that bad once you know him

Davos said:
"Indeed…though I will try to compose myself, I must ask one favor." Artoria says after declining a second glass.

"I will at least listen to your request."

"My son is in this war."

"You wish to avoid them? I recall in your legend that the battle with them cost you your life so I can grant that."

"No, I wish to face them when they appear."

Mordred will be happy about this.... Unless-No no, even she wouldn't be that evi{

Davos said:
"I have been in an increasingly angry state the last few weeks. Seeing and fighting Mordred will likely calm me down…and as a show of good faith, you should know about the enemy Caster and Counter Guardian clad in red." Artoria says before continuing a pleasant discussion with the Impaler through the night.

You know Archer isn't supossed to be part of the war, right?

Davos said:
"You can't blame me for that, that's your fault for starting this thing without grabbing some cash."

What money could she grab?

Davos said:
"What about you then?"

"We…kinda fell into debt while Kazuma was away." Aqua says while looking away. Aqua starts to sweat nervously when Rin's arms start glowing as she cracks her knuckles.

Expected

Davos said:
"Apologies for the wait, I had trouble sleeping after hearing various tales of a most horrible and impale worthy young man named Kazuma Satou." Vlad says, making Kazuma smile stiffly.

'I haven't even met these people and I'm already on their shit list?! How?!'

'Maybe you have a passive 'Negative Charisma' skill?' Cu thinks at Kazuma.

I can see it

Davos said:
'Trouble on your end?'

'They aren't hot women! They look bland!'

This guys just copies the Einzbern what do you expect? Though some of them are actually cute

Davos said:
"That was us…we did not like this Hyouma…It was during one such feeding that we chanced upon William Shakey-speare, the tard!" Jack says.

"Bard! Bard with a 'b'! And my name is not Shakey-speare!" William says as Chiron stifles a chuckle.

For now everythings good

Davos said:
It's Saber, dropping her breakfast, looking squarely at Kazuma.

'Oh, that's how…' Kazuma thinks as Saber pulls out her sword.

And here it is

Davos said:
"This is Kazuma Satou!" Saber says while pointing her blade, Jack drawing her blades as William frees himself.

"…I am not surprised you would lie after everything else you have done. I should have asked for your physical description." Vlad says while standing. Chiron readies his bow with a sigh.

Let's be honest, a lot of heroes did things worse

Davos said:
"Something the matter?" Semiramis asks while crossing both her arms, her new one a little slow in the movement.

"To corrupt a holy man…and to do that with another…"

"…King Gilgamesh did most of the corrupting."

Yeah, I can see it

Davos said:
"I heard what you said last night. That wasn't a thirst for mana last night…I can't believe you have a nun outfit." Atlanta says while twitching her ears, making Semiramis blush and scowl.

Everyone have a nun outfit at his point

Davos said:
Achilles looks at Karna from around a tree.

"…She isn't lying." Karna says with a sigh.

"…Woah…"

Semiramis or Atalante?

Davos said:
"Die monster, you don't belong in this world." Vlad says, only stopping from casting his Noble Phantasm when Jack starts giggling madly.

Rude

Davos said:
"It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh. I was summoned here by a human giving me tribute!" Jack says in a slightly deeper voice.

'Oh wow she's got good taste…' Kazuma thinks.

Same

Davos said:
"Tribute? You consume my countrymen's souls and make them your meals!"

'Is…he doing this on purpose? I can't tell…'

"Perhaps he same could be said of all holy orders…especially those with dragons~." Jack says, drawing a scowl from Vlad.

"Your words are as empty as your conscious. The Black faction ill needs a Servant such as you."

"What is the Black faction? A miserable little group led by Count Dracula~." Jack says with a smirk and fists on her hips.

I never knew I needed Jack ragebaiting Vlad till now

Davos said:
Artoria leaps forward, sword raised high, ready to cleave Kazuma in two when a helmet cracks against her head, throwing her aim off enough to let Kazuma evade it.

"Who in the world would-" Artoria stops when she sees the familiar red and white helmet.

"Greetings father!"

"…Mordred." Artoria says, turning to face Mordred, who looks at her oddly while walking closer to Kazuma.

This will end very good or very bad, there's no in between

Davos said:
A sound of wood falling onto marble is heard.

"No! No! Wait…this has to be fake…it cannot be real!" Chiron shouts while backing away.

Mordred glances back and sees Shakespeare is using his Noble Phantasm with sweat going down his brow.

"Wait…you're Fergus…you're Fergus too?! Why is everybody Fergus?!"

Oh god, he is traumatized

Davos said:
"…He's awfully loud…wait…" Mordred realizes something with a pale pallor before looking back at Kazuma.

"You lied about hearing me didn't you?!"

"We were being considerate of your feelings! It was really awkward to hear!" Kazuma shouts.

We feel bad for you buddy

Davos said:
"This isn't the time to talk about your phobia of whips!" Kazuma says making Mordred squeak in horror and fury.

"Morgan used a whip on you as well? I'm not surprised…Consent was not part of her vocabulary…" Artoria says.

'Oh God, as if my family tree wasn't disturbing me enough already…'

You tell me

Davos said:
Jeanne wakes up well rested.

This worries her.

The paranoia is kicking

Davos said:
"…I should probably check on Black…Preferably without those pests seeing me. I doubt even they would get into much trouble before a full day has passed." She says, hoping against hope as she heads for the castle.

Terrible idea, 0/10 wouldn't recomend it

Davos said:
"…You always were a cocky bastard."

"The Hell did you-" Mordred's words are cut off when her blade is sent flying away and she feels the flat of Excalibur smacking her head, sending her flying to the other side of the room.

"Shakespeare, can you hit multiple people with that trauma simulator of yours?" Kazuma says while backing up, shuddering at the smile on the blonde's face.

"It becomes more difficult with multiple targets, and with her magic resistance, I would have to stop using it on Archer for it to work…" He says, also backing up as Saber continues stepping closer.

So she's affected?

"

Davos said:
Artoria snaps her fingers and many violent steps are heard coming down the stairs before the knight in black armor kicks open the door.

Talk about dramatic entry

Davos said:
"My King!"

"Lancelot?!"

"Mordred?!"

ALEX!!

Davos said:
'What the Hell are you doing Jack?!' Reika shouts telepathically at Jack as she dodges another spike from the Impaler.

'Language~.'

'JACK!'

'We're buying time for Big brother and the others by distracting one of their strongest! Besides, when would we ever have the chance to use those lines again?'

Good Jackie

Davos said:
"Vlad the Impaler gets a massive power boost from fighting in his own lands!' Reika thinks as Jack side steps another impaling spike and Vlad's lance before throwing something that lands harmlessly against Vlad's chest.

'We know…but we suspect like most others here he has anger problems. Besides momma, there is one other thing to consider.' Jack thinks as Vlad glances down he sees it is a clove of garlic. He clenches his jaw at the sight.

"I know you are merely doing this to distract me…and I will make you suffer slowly for this."

'And what is that?' Reika asks, her worry noticeable.

"We would say bite me…" Jack says with a grin, drawing a fiercer scowl from the Count.

'We're world famous!'

"But you'd want that wouldn't you?" Jack says while tiling her head, exposing her neck.

Vlad raises his fist, glowing brightly as he says the name of his Noble Phantasm.

Jack is becoming my favorite

Davos said:
Jeanne stops at the open castle gate, where she hears the sound of combat inside, sees a portion of the castle wall explode with spikes, and meets the gaze of a swordsman in blue running alongside Astolfo.

'Knew I should have slept in this morning…' Jeanne thinks.

Tried to warn you

Davos said:
"'Agreed…not often we get a cute boy making us coffee.' Laeticia thinks.

'It's not like that!' Jeanne thinks back before facing the now closer swordsman and knight.

Laeticia knows what she wants

Davos said:
"No. Who are you?" Jeanne asks.

"I'm Cu Chulainn."

First one that didn't knew his name beforehand

Davos said:
"Black Faction summoned you?"

"No, I'm part of a third party."

"The Counter Guardians with the blonde and man in red?"

"Make it a fourth- did you say man in red?" Cu asks with a glare.

Yeah, this is getting out of hand

Davos said:
"Leave me alone!" Celenike says, running away from Darkness.

"I will n-" the clang of steel interrupts Darkness, making her change direction.

"Oh thank God…I will make Astolfo suffer for this…!"

I never expected to see a sadist escape from a masochist

Davos said:
Rin and Aqua see smoke in the distance at the castle.

"…We should probably go over there." Rin says as her stomach growls.

"I don't want to be yelled at again…" Aqua says before her stomach growls. Then they look at the other and come to the same thought.

'We can raid the pantry if nothing else.'

They are getting the LATAM(Latin America) mentality, I know it I'm from there

Davos said:
Cu enters the room, and a moment later Jeanne is standing next to him and sees Saber trying to wrestle her blade away from a blonde knight in orange and white armor. Saber starts punching the knight in the face, making Kazuma groan in despair as the knight moans in bliss.

"Let go!"

"Never~! Not as long as you keep hitting me!"

"What?!"

First one of this reality to learn her true nature, aside from Rin that is

Davos said:
"…Thanks for saving me Darkness…but can you be less you?"

"Is that anyway to speak to me after so many weeks? You truly are as scummy as ever~!" Darkness coos out as Artoria continues trying to pull her blade away from Darkness.

Yeah, he knows you

Davos said:
"This is absurd…Pulling the Sword of Selection was easier than this!" Artoria mutters while placing an armored foot on Darkness stomach.

Tbf, you had Merlin on your side

Davos said:
"Oh Gods…to be stepped on during combat! Please, keep this up!"

Artoria jumps back, resisting the urge to spit.

She would like it if sanything

Davos said:
"My time has arrived! So many Sabers to kill and I just finished breakfast!" MHX says with a blade flourish.

"Lancelot! Handle the deranged blonde!"

"Which one my King?! Ruler and MHX are here!"

There's also Darkness

Davos said:
"I'm not deranged!" Jeanne and MHX shout at the same time.

"Menteuse!" Artoria shouts back as she and Lancelot exchange opponents.

I only see three deranged blondes, and Jeanne isn't between them

Davos said:
The crack of a whip appearing in Artoria's hand makes Mordred pale.

"Mommy…?" Mordred asks with vacant eyes, making Artoria's eye twitch.

She woulnd't

Davos said:
'…I still feel bad about doing this...' Artoria thinks.

Then don't!

Davos said:
'Oh crap…' Kazuma, Cu, and Shakespeare think at the same time.

Davos said:
"The preparations are…complete!" Avicebron says with glee as Megumin stands in the circle.

"We shall carve our names upon the stars!" Megumin says with a thumbs up.

"And light up the void of space!" Avicebron says.

"The Heavens will know our names!" They both say at the same time as the ritual starts, earth, metal, and rock quickly converging upon Megumin.

What are they doing now!? They are making Megumin the center of his NP!? How would that work!? She is from another world!

Davos said:
Cu starts running forward to help, only to nearly be crushed by Berserker and her spiked mace.

I feel a vendetta coming

Davos said:
"I sense you have the capacity for the Saber class. You must die before you become corrupted!"

"I would never become a Saber! Or corrupted!"

If anything she is more of a Lancer or an Archer, even participated as that in a Grail war

Davos said:
"This is for saying I have big manly muscles!"

"I never said that, I said you must be a formidable warrior and quite stro-AHHHH" Lancelot screams as he hits Darkness with the hilt of Excalibur, eliciting moans.

It's the same for her

Davos said:
"Big sis, we messed up a little…" Jack says to Mordred and Vlad enters the room through the wall.

"Insolent child! I will have my next meal with you upon a stake!" Vlad shouts.

Maybe you overdid it

Davos said:
"…Wanna trade?" Mordred asks.

"Yes!" Jack says as Artoria cracks her whip. Mordred jumps away and kicks up her sword, grabbing it. Artoria manages to quickly rebound into another lashing, only for it to be pinned to the wall with throwing knives.

Probably for the best

Davos said:
"Don't kill father, that is for me!"

"Ok!" Jack says as Lancelot throws Excalibur back to Artoria who catches it and squares up against Jack.

What a cute brother sister relationship

Davos said:
"Wait…Are you sure?" Caules mutters.

"What is it brother?" Fiore asks.

"Berserker says this swordsman moves similarly to Fergus!" Caules says, making Fiore and Darnic blanch.

Oh no

Davos said:
"You know Fergus? Fergus Mac Roich?" Cu asks.

Don't tell them

Davos said:
"Yes he was here until yesterday…How do you know him?"

"He's my step father!" Cu says, making Berserker growl loudly, sparks filling the air, making Vlad yell as he kicks Mordred clean across the room, landing near Jack, and making Fiore stand up from her wheelchair.

You fool hound

Davos said:
The sight of Fiore standing makes Jack gasp.

"It's like that one boss…I think we're fucked…" Jack says.

"Language…" Mordred says with blood at her mouth as she stands.

Tbf, isn't untrue

Davos said:
1
Kazuma sees his comrade soaring through the air towards him and does the only reasonable course of action.

He ducks, allowing her to smash against a pillar, and through it.

"To not even attempt to catch me, to let me crash against the cold unforgiving pillar…divine~." She mutters while cupping her face and standing up unharmed.

He really knows you well

Davos said:
1
"By my command Seal, break free of the Phantasm affecting you!" Fiore says and Chiron gasps and looks around.

"Oh thank Gods…everything is back to normal!"

Good for him I guess

Davos said:
1
"Kazuma, I think we should really consider leaving…" Shakespeare says.

"I know…Jack?"

"Our fog needs a little time to fill a room…"

Isn't like something distracting will happen

Davos said:
1
"Urgent news!" A homunculus messenger says upon entering the room.

Forget I even said something

Davos said:
1
"It can wait." Vlad says.

"It cannot! The castle of the Red Faction is approaching our location!"

That was faster than I thought

Davos said:
1
A moment long enough for poisonous fog to fill the room, allowing their escape.

And they didn't lost the chance, good teamwork

Davos said:
1
"...Megumin?"

"She doesn't go for castles with occupants still in- Wait…is that…?" Aqua trails off when she sees a dozen people flee the castle, among them is Kazuma.

What about Beldia

Davos said:
1
"It's…alive!" Avicebron shouts with out stretched hands at his success, a towering giant of a golem.

I don't think Fran would like to hear those words

Davos said:
1
Jeanne appears a moment later, slightly ragged in breath and some of her clothing torn.

"That…That's is Avicebron Noble Phantasm! The Golem Keter Malkuth!" Jeanne says with wide eyes.

"I am not a Keter Malkuth, I am Megumin! No…Mech-umin!" The golem shouts back with a one legged pose while looking at the group.

"…What the Hell?" Kazuma, Rin, and Jeanne say at the same time.

Well, we have a new superweapon to use against Shi-I mean Gil-I mean the Na- I mean the red and black factions

Cu-nosuba: God’s Blessing on This Lancer’s Holy Grail War!

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alextheconqueror

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