Cu-nosuba Chapter 31: Beginning of The End
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Davos
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Leysritt knocks on the doors to the rooms, smiling with her head piece off, and humming an out of beat tune. Saber opens her door and looks at the smiling maid walk away with a pit in her stomach.
"…She never goes around like that." Illya says while looking at Leysritt.
"…Where's Sella?" Saber asks despite suspecting the answer.
Archer and Rider leave another room with a slow step and a yawn, locking eyes with Saber and Illya.
Emiya rubs the back of his head as Medea covers her face before vanishing.
"Perhaps we should reschedule again?" Medea asks, appearing in the hall.
"I don't think that would be wise given Gilgamesh's temperament."
"I doubt going there exhausted will be any- AH!"
Medea doubles over, looking up at a glaring Saber.
"Why the sucker punch?!"
"You left me alone with that torture last night!"
"It's not my fault you can't go into spirit form!"
"You could have helped!"
Rin and Kazuma look at the other, half sure the other is having the same thought of ignoring them and continuing despite, or because of, the yelling in the hall.
They decide instead to get dressed, Kazuma in his usual track suit, Rin in her usual outfit save for a longer skirt, both of them sneaking a look at the other before heading into the hall when a collective gasp rings out.
Heading over they see everyone looking into a room.
Inside said room, Lancer and Sella are sprawled on the bed, not moving.
"Oh My God, Lancer's been killed!" Kazuma shouts.
"So was Sella! But how?! They never-" Illya stops, her red cheeks growing redder between her fingers as the realization hits.
"...She did that?" Illya says aloud.
"Who did?" Kazuma asks with a warble as Leysritt comes back around the corner with a tray of food, coffee, and a funnel for forcibly making someone drink said coffee before heading into the room, eliciting a groan of dismay from Cu and Sella.
"…She truly does possess the strength of a B rank servant…" Rin says with vacant eyes as they all leave. They start walking quicker when a creaking bed is heard. Rin looks over at Saber who is staring at her.
"What?"
"I am simply shocked you are going out in public with the cornette." Saber says, making Rin gasp and paw at her head, finding nothing but hair.
Rin glares at a smugly smiling Saber.
Archer and Rider lag behind.
"Medusa…"
"…Yes Archer?" Rider asks.
"Thank you for not using your full strength on me." He says making the tall woman cover her face.
"Please don't thank me for that…and it's not like I could from those positions…"
"Still, thank you for the consideration."
"That is not consideration worth thanking me f-"
Warbling groans of despair and exhaustion from inside the room interrupts them.
"…You're welcome…Magical Baby Boy 2004~." Rider says with the biggest grin as Archer stammers for a reply.
They hurry back to the dining room and kitchen, enjoying a good meal, trying not to linger on their opponent's machinations.
===
"Father Kotomine, why is there such hateful metal music coming from the basement?" A follower asks when the chorus of an exceptionally violent sounding song plays.
"I've…given refuge to someone recently. They have had an issue with their anger lately." Kirei says.
"Guy's got good taste!" One teenager says before getting his ear pulled. He still does the horn of the beast's gesture despite the pain and scornful look of his parents.
"Mommy, should we really listen to this man talk about forgiveness when he houses a person who plays songs like this?"
"We talked about this dear! Stop pointing out the obvious flaws in other people!"
'If you were an orphan you'd be his lunch!' Kirei thinks behind a smile that grows stiffer when the volume increases.
His flock looks at each other, their silent concern palpable.
Kirei stealthily texts a message to Shirou.
"Kirei asks you to lower the volume or play something more fitting for church!" Shirou shouts with fingers in his ears.
"What?" Gilgamesh shouts, not quite hearing him; Shirou hands him the phone, grimacing at the impact from max level death rock on his unprotected ear.
"Tell Gil to turn down the music or put something more suited to church since it is leaking through the floorboards! My flock is growing uneasy!"
Gilgamesh scowls at the message before grinning as he goes to tinker with the music.
Kirei smiles genuinely at the music stopping.
His flock also relaxes.
Then the first few haunting notes of Toccata and Fugue play along with Gilgamesh's mad and joyous laughter.
''Original Hero' my ass, you are the 'Original Jackass'!' Kirei thinks with an eye twitch.
===
"It's an hour before the agreed on time. Why are we here?" Rider asks as they near the castle.
"Because after yesterday, they'll never see it coming and we need every advantage we can get." Kazuma says as they enter, all of them stopping when they see Shirou sitting in an ornate chair in the middle of the tarnished dining room.
"How completely expected of you; Did you really think Musashi's strategy would work after yesterday?" Shirou says while swirling a glass of wine.
"…Could have had seconds…" Saber mutters while looking at Kazuma.
"Not the time…!" Kazuma mutters back while looking around for the threat.
"Why so nervous, mongrel?" Shirou asks.
"…The Hell did you say?" Archer asks, fists balled with audible cracking.
"Is your hearing as defective as your ability to keep time?"
Archer responds by bringing out his short swords. Medusa grips his shoulder.
"Archer, calm-
"Did that strike a nerve…You Faker?"
"…What the Hell?" Archer says with an open mouth as Shirou stands up, suitcase in his other hand as he takes a sip.
"Where is-"
"Did I give you permission to address me, mongrel?" Shirou says, interrupting Rin.
"O-Oh…" She blushes, drawing troubled and annoyed looks from everyone on her side, notably Kazuma.
'Are you kidding me!?' Kazuma thinks.
Rin glances away.
'Excellent delivery young man! You have successfully strained them with only a few words.' Gilgamesh says in telepathy at Shirou, who tries to keep from grinning to maintain the look.
The only one not looking at Rin's primal reaction is Illya who is looking at Shirou, dressed in a well tailored black suit, the familiarity bringing up a memory from years ago when she was on Kiritsugu's shoulders.
"Daddy?" Illya says, drawing shocked looks all around and making Shirou drop the wine glass with wide eyes and a groan.
"Mistress?!" Sella shouts.
"She doesn't have bad taste…though a little young for me~." Leysritt says while looking at Sella and Cu, making them both shudder and pale.
"And you ragged on me how many times this week?" Rin asks.
"N-not your kind of daddy!" Illya says, now realizing the implication of her words.
'Abort, abort, I repeat, abort the plan Gilgamesh! I seduced the worst possible wrong person here!' Shirou thinks in telepathy, only getting an ecstatic telepathic laugh that becomes an audible uproarious laugh from the second floor, snapping everyone from their shock as he jumps over the railing and lands next to Shirou, now standing with regal bearing.
"I suppose it is about time we commenced with your slaughter…Don't you agree, Priest?" Gilgamesh asks and a dozen blades fly out from another floor, causing Kazuma, Rin, and Illya barely evade them.
The servants either smoothly dodge them or deflect them outright.
Leysritt grabs Sella and jumps up to the floor where the daggers were thrown, confronting the smiling priest who has more knifes in hand already. Sella stops Leysritt from charging in, a chill from Kirei's smile making her wary even as the sound of steel is heard below.
"…Why are you smiling?"
"Pardon me, I just found it amusing I get to kill another homunculus after this many years…I believe it was 10 years now since that night~." Kirei says, his words shocking and angering the maids.
Cu resists the urge to go up to the upper floor, now concerned with the myriad of weapons appearing behind Gilgamesh.
"Now…dance for me!" Gilgamesh says, and with a wave of a hand, unleashes a barrage of Noble Phantasms.
As the servants dodge and deflect the onslaught, marginally easier with Gilgamesh divided between them all, they start the plan.
"I am the bone of my sword…" Archer says while deflecting a spear for his head
"That….that chant!" Shirou mutters in shock.
"Steel is my Body and fire is my Blood."
'Not yet…Need to wait another moment!'
"I have created over a thousand blades=" Saber cuts a sword going for Archer's side before jumping away, drawing Gilgamesh's eye for a very needed moment.
"Unknown to death, nor known to life." Cu Chulainn kicks him out of the way from a barrage of cursed daggers. It was an agreed upon measure before hand, but it still annoys Archer to relive that moment.
"Have…withstood pain…To create many weapons…" He groans out.
"What in the world are you saying in the middle of your execu-Hm!?" Gilgamesh takes a step back as a chained dagger nearly hits him, fully drawing his ire on a smiling Rider.
"Yet these hands will never hold anything."
Medea fires a salvo at Gilgamesh, making him use Rho Aias before sending out chains to tie up Caster.
Rin throws a bag of gems at Gilgamesh. Even though she missed, it draws Gilgamesh's gaze upon her, making him stop.
"You! How in the world are you here?!" He shouts.
'How much longer Archer?! Wait…'
"Why are you so shocked I'm here? I'm a master!"
"Wait…You're the ward?!"
"So as I pray…"
'Now!' Kazuma thinks, raising his hand the same time as gears and swords overtake the castle.
"Unlimited Blade Works!"
"Steal!"
Archer fires a salvo the same time as the blinding light appears.
Each and every blade is matched and destroyed by Gilgamesh.
"Did you really think a little light would have saved you?" Gilgamesh asks, puzzled at their smiles.
The only one not smiling is Kazuma.
In his hands is a lacy pair of purple panties.
'What the Hell…It should have been that guy's ultimate sword! I even had Rin go commando to make this work so why…?'
"He…Hahaha!" Shirou laughs out loud before bringing out the suitcase and letting it fall open, showing rows of dozens of neatly folded panties.
"You face the entirety of Sakura's underwear drawer, the pinnacle of anti theft defense!"
"…She never goes around like that." Illya says while looking at Leysritt.
"…Where's Sella?" Saber asks despite suspecting the answer.
Archer and Rider leave another room with a slow step and a yawn, locking eyes with Saber and Illya.
Emiya rubs the back of his head as Medea covers her face before vanishing.
"Perhaps we should reschedule again?" Medea asks, appearing in the hall.
"I don't think that would be wise given Gilgamesh's temperament."
"I doubt going there exhausted will be any- AH!"
Medea doubles over, looking up at a glaring Saber.
"Why the sucker punch?!"
"You left me alone with that torture last night!"
"It's not my fault you can't go into spirit form!"
"You could have helped!"
Rin and Kazuma look at the other, half sure the other is having the same thought of ignoring them and continuing despite, or because of, the yelling in the hall.
They decide instead to get dressed, Kazuma in his usual track suit, Rin in her usual outfit save for a longer skirt, both of them sneaking a look at the other before heading into the hall when a collective gasp rings out.
Heading over they see everyone looking into a room.
Inside said room, Lancer and Sella are sprawled on the bed, not moving.
"Oh My God, Lancer's been killed!" Kazuma shouts.
"So was Sella! But how?! They never-" Illya stops, her red cheeks growing redder between her fingers as the realization hits.
"...She did that?" Illya says aloud.
"Who did?" Kazuma asks with a warble as Leysritt comes back around the corner with a tray of food, coffee, and a funnel for forcibly making someone drink said coffee before heading into the room, eliciting a groan of dismay from Cu and Sella.
"…She truly does possess the strength of a B rank servant…" Rin says with vacant eyes as they all leave. They start walking quicker when a creaking bed is heard. Rin looks over at Saber who is staring at her.
"What?"
"I am simply shocked you are going out in public with the cornette." Saber says, making Rin gasp and paw at her head, finding nothing but hair.
Rin glares at a smugly smiling Saber.
Archer and Rider lag behind.
"Medusa…"
"…Yes Archer?" Rider asks.
"Thank you for not using your full strength on me." He says making the tall woman cover her face.
"Please don't thank me for that…and it's not like I could from those positions…"
"Still, thank you for the consideration."
"That is not consideration worth thanking me f-"
Warbling groans of despair and exhaustion from inside the room interrupts them.
"…You're welcome…Magical Baby Boy 2004~." Rider says with the biggest grin as Archer stammers for a reply.
They hurry back to the dining room and kitchen, enjoying a good meal, trying not to linger on their opponent's machinations.
===
"Father Kotomine, why is there such hateful metal music coming from the basement?" A follower asks when the chorus of an exceptionally violent sounding song plays.
"I've…given refuge to someone recently. They have had an issue with their anger lately." Kirei says.
"Guy's got good taste!" One teenager says before getting his ear pulled. He still does the horn of the beast's gesture despite the pain and scornful look of his parents.
"Mommy, should we really listen to this man talk about forgiveness when he houses a person who plays songs like this?"
"We talked about this dear! Stop pointing out the obvious flaws in other people!"
'If you were an orphan you'd be his lunch!' Kirei thinks behind a smile that grows stiffer when the volume increases.
His flock looks at each other, their silent concern palpable.
Kirei stealthily texts a message to Shirou.
"Kirei asks you to lower the volume or play something more fitting for church!" Shirou shouts with fingers in his ears.
"What?" Gilgamesh shouts, not quite hearing him; Shirou hands him the phone, grimacing at the impact from max level death rock on his unprotected ear.
"Tell Gil to turn down the music or put something more suited to church since it is leaking through the floorboards! My flock is growing uneasy!"
Gilgamesh scowls at the message before grinning as he goes to tinker with the music.
Kirei smiles genuinely at the music stopping.
His flock also relaxes.
Then the first few haunting notes of Toccata and Fugue play along with Gilgamesh's mad and joyous laughter.
''Original Hero' my ass, you are the 'Original Jackass'!' Kirei thinks with an eye twitch.
===
"It's an hour before the agreed on time. Why are we here?" Rider asks as they near the castle.
"Because after yesterday, they'll never see it coming and we need every advantage we can get." Kazuma says as they enter, all of them stopping when they see Shirou sitting in an ornate chair in the middle of the tarnished dining room.
"How completely expected of you; Did you really think Musashi's strategy would work after yesterday?" Shirou says while swirling a glass of wine.
"…Could have had seconds…" Saber mutters while looking at Kazuma.
"Not the time…!" Kazuma mutters back while looking around for the threat.
"Why so nervous, mongrel?" Shirou asks.
"…The Hell did you say?" Archer asks, fists balled with audible cracking.
"Is your hearing as defective as your ability to keep time?"
Archer responds by bringing out his short swords. Medusa grips his shoulder.
"Archer, calm-
"Did that strike a nerve…You Faker?"
"…What the Hell?" Archer says with an open mouth as Shirou stands up, suitcase in his other hand as he takes a sip.
"Where is-"
"Did I give you permission to address me, mongrel?" Shirou says, interrupting Rin.
"O-Oh…" She blushes, drawing troubled and annoyed looks from everyone on her side, notably Kazuma.
'Are you kidding me!?' Kazuma thinks.
Rin glances away.
'Excellent delivery young man! You have successfully strained them with only a few words.' Gilgamesh says in telepathy at Shirou, who tries to keep from grinning to maintain the look.
The only one not looking at Rin's primal reaction is Illya who is looking at Shirou, dressed in a well tailored black suit, the familiarity bringing up a memory from years ago when she was on Kiritsugu's shoulders.
"Daddy?" Illya says, drawing shocked looks all around and making Shirou drop the wine glass with wide eyes and a groan.
"Mistress?!" Sella shouts.
"She doesn't have bad taste…though a little young for me~." Leysritt says while looking at Sella and Cu, making them both shudder and pale.
"And you ragged on me how many times this week?" Rin asks.
"N-not your kind of daddy!" Illya says, now realizing the implication of her words.
'Abort, abort, I repeat, abort the plan Gilgamesh! I seduced the worst possible wrong person here!' Shirou thinks in telepathy, only getting an ecstatic telepathic laugh that becomes an audible uproarious laugh from the second floor, snapping everyone from their shock as he jumps over the railing and lands next to Shirou, now standing with regal bearing.
"I suppose it is about time we commenced with your slaughter…Don't you agree, Priest?" Gilgamesh asks and a dozen blades fly out from another floor, causing Kazuma, Rin, and Illya barely evade them.
The servants either smoothly dodge them or deflect them outright.
Leysritt grabs Sella and jumps up to the floor where the daggers were thrown, confronting the smiling priest who has more knifes in hand already. Sella stops Leysritt from charging in, a chill from Kirei's smile making her wary even as the sound of steel is heard below.
"…Why are you smiling?"
"Pardon me, I just found it amusing I get to kill another homunculus after this many years…I believe it was 10 years now since that night~." Kirei says, his words shocking and angering the maids.
Cu resists the urge to go up to the upper floor, now concerned with the myriad of weapons appearing behind Gilgamesh.
"Now…dance for me!" Gilgamesh says, and with a wave of a hand, unleashes a barrage of Noble Phantasms.
As the servants dodge and deflect the onslaught, marginally easier with Gilgamesh divided between them all, they start the plan.
"I am the bone of my sword…" Archer says while deflecting a spear for his head
"That….that chant!" Shirou mutters in shock.
"Steel is my Body and fire is my Blood."
'Not yet…Need to wait another moment!'
"I have created over a thousand blades=" Saber cuts a sword going for Archer's side before jumping away, drawing Gilgamesh's eye for a very needed moment.
"Unknown to death, nor known to life." Cu Chulainn kicks him out of the way from a barrage of cursed daggers. It was an agreed upon measure before hand, but it still annoys Archer to relive that moment.
"Have…withstood pain…To create many weapons…" He groans out.
"What in the world are you saying in the middle of your execu-Hm!?" Gilgamesh takes a step back as a chained dagger nearly hits him, fully drawing his ire on a smiling Rider.
"Yet these hands will never hold anything."
Medea fires a salvo at Gilgamesh, making him use Rho Aias before sending out chains to tie up Caster.
Rin throws a bag of gems at Gilgamesh. Even though she missed, it draws Gilgamesh's gaze upon her, making him stop.
"You! How in the world are you here?!" He shouts.
'How much longer Archer?! Wait…'
"Why are you so shocked I'm here? I'm a master!"
"Wait…You're the ward?!"
"So as I pray…"
'Now!' Kazuma thinks, raising his hand the same time as gears and swords overtake the castle.
"Unlimited Blade Works!"
"Steal!"
Archer fires a salvo the same time as the blinding light appears.
Each and every blade is matched and destroyed by Gilgamesh.
"Did you really think a little light would have saved you?" Gilgamesh asks, puzzled at their smiles.
The only one not smiling is Kazuma.
In his hands is a lacy pair of purple panties.
'What the Hell…It should have been that guy's ultimate sword! I even had Rin go commando to make this work so why…?'
"He…Hahaha!" Shirou laughs out loud before bringing out the suitcase and letting it fall open, showing rows of dozens of neatly folded panties.
"You face the entirety of Sakura's underwear drawer, the pinnacle of anti theft defense!"