Cu-nosuba: God’s Blessing on This Lancer’s Holy Grail War!

[Davos]

Jeanne returns to the summoning room with a smile.

An overweight blonde man hesitates before approaching her, not able to look her in her dual colored eyes for long.

"Hello miss, my name is Goredolf, w-would you like a tour of the facilities and-"

"Pardon me, but I would like to return to Romania." Jeanne says.

"I am unsure you should go back on account of your earlier…venting."

"I appreciate the concern, but I would appreciate it more if you send me back. I am not quite finished venting yet, and the fact you remind me of someone there…isn't helping my thinning patience." Jeanne says, the yellow in her eyes flickering over the blue portions a moment.

'Great…another version of that alternate Jeanne…Though not quite?' Goredolf thinks before showing her to the teleportation circle along with Mash and Atalanta.

"I'm surprised you aren't going in first." Emiya says.

"I am tempted, but they have more personal reasons driving them and I know not to stand in the way of angry women." Scathach says, drawing a chuckle from Emiya. His amusement dies from an instant glare.

"Apologies, I just never expected you to be wary of angry women after hearing some of your accomplishments."

"I am brave, not foolish." Scathach says before steeping into the circle and waits.

"I don't think I'll be going. Lancelot did not waste any time after I told that one story…"

"I know, but the fact you made Gilgamesh faint from shock is reason enough to drag you back. And you are not as bad in a fight as I recall."

"As much as I appreciate the praise from a warrior such as yourself, I would be dead weight in my current-" Emiya stops when he catches a water bottle thrown at his head.

"I learned to reverse causality and became immortal, meeting various Gods. You think that blue braggart's water spells is beyond me?"

"Not when you put it like that…" He says before drinking, his wounds and fatigue fading.

"Though I admit I never expected it to have such an effect on Servants…For extra motivation, you should know I have a rune that takes visual recordings. I'll let you guess the contents of some of the more amusing recordings."

"Would it be possible to have copies of those recordings?"

"I'll consider it based on how well you perform." She says with a smile, making Emiya smile back.

Cu Chulainn meanwhile is puzzled by an intense feeling of dread.

'…What is causing this…?!' He thinks before shaking his head and returning to Kazuma's side along with Jack. Then they see Lancelot.

'…Well…crap.

'

===

Darnic and Amakusa continue running away before seeing Fiore look into the sky from a nearby balcony.

"Fiore! It is good you are still alive! We require you're help with something…" Darnic says, trailing off when Fiore turns, her eyes closed, a smile on her face, and a subtle sway in her step as she approaches.

'She seems…different…small matter. With her wheelchair she should be able to distract that deranged blonde.' Darnic thinks with a smile that lowers as Fiore gets closer.

"I'm more than willing to help you Grandfather…~." She says in a tone that makes Darnic lean back.

"…Why do you sound so…odd Fiore? We're you hit with a curse or stray attack? You sound like that Irishman… And where is Chiron?"

"That man ran away…But I'm sure you'll do more than fine as a replacement."

"…What?" Darnic asks.

"Oh Lord…" Amakusa mutters in shock.

"Don't worry…You can join in too father, two is more than fine…or should I say daddy?"

Amakusa and Darnic look on in shock.

'Not the young woman I wanted to act this way…Wonder if Tohsaka is behaving this way too?' Darnic thinks with a momentary grin before righting himself. Amakusa caught that grin, now looking at him in sheer disdain.

"I knew you we're going to Hell before, but I could have gone without knowing the extent of your depravity…"

"This is not my fault! I have no idea what happened! She is never like this!"

"I can show you more surprises…there is an empty room nearby~."

'…I miss Semiramis…' Amakusa thinks while fighting the growing need to gag.

"What has gotten into you?!" Darnic shouts.

"Nothing yet and that is the issue~." Fiore says while stepping closer, opening one eye before winking.

Amakusa and Darnic groan in harmony while stepping back.

They groan again when they her footsteps.

They look to each other and nod as Darkness turns the corner.

"Unfortunately we cannot…this woman is preventing us!" Darnic says.

"Indeed…her constitution and will are beyond us to mount any resistance…that depraved thing may need a woman's touch." Amakusa adds.

"I am not a depraved thing!...b-but I can't say I hate being referred to as such every once in a while…~." Darkness says with a fidget before noticing Fiore approach while cracking her knuckles.

"Do you really believe you can stop me?" Darkness asks while cracking her own knuckles.

"I know I can destroy you, one handful at a time~." Fiore says, still smiling even as Darkness grabs her head with shocking speed. Fiore grips Darkness wrist.

"My, what bold words; Do you know I knocked out a Saber's teeth mere minutes a-AH!" Darkness shouts in surprise as a pop is heard at her wrist, her hand going limp as she pulls back.

"Heh…Your wrists are nothing to the nuts I crack for fun and nourishment!" Fiore says, making Amakusa stare in disgust at Darnic and raise a knife.

"She's talking about walnuts and other such hard shells that usually require a nut cracker." Darnic says with a sigh.

"Sure she is…" Amakusa says before paling along with Darnic as Darkness fixes her wrist with a smile and a moan.

'This woman must be a berserker…!' Amakusa thinks with a frown.

"You'll…do fine as a warm up~."

"Right back at you~!" Fiore says.

'…Maybe I need to name a new successor? Caelus, milquetoast as he is, would never be this swayed by lust…I think.' Darnic thinks in minor terror as they approach each other.

Darnic and Amakusa leave while they are distracted.

"So depraved…"

"I would think you would be happier with this development…priest~." Darnic says with a grin, making a vein appear on Amakusa's head.



===

"Please…I need a few huh?" Fran says, before gasping.

"I…I can speak?! But how?!" She asks aloud before shuddering as he continues, the wall of the shed threatening to give way.

"You won't be for long~." Caelus says, making Fran bite her lips in a smile.

"Oh…Oh~."



===



Gilgamesh pushes himself up from the ground, the taste of bile threatening to escape his mouth.

'That damn Faker…Ruining my mood twice now! And with such a horrible tale too…Saber would never willingly do that without training and consistent punishment. It has to be a lie!' Gilgamesh thinks before taking out two tonics from his treasury, handing one to a near comatose Shirou. They drink and recover, standing up and surveying the battle field.

They do not like most of what they see.

Lancelot fighting Artoria, Mordred, and Cu…and winning.

Semiramis stands up and looks for Amakusa, not liking his absence.

"…What is that on the mad dog's hip?"

"King Arthur's sheath…he is now virtually immortal."

"As if he wasn't enough of an issue before…but we must save the Sabers…!" Gilgamesh says, only to be met with silence.

"I'm not going to ask about Semiramis given the state Artoria left her in some time ago, but you Shirou?"

"I'm not against training them, but at this point it is far too risky with Lancelot… Might be better to let that dream go."

"Nonsense! What is life without dreams and joy!?"

'I think he lost some brains after becoming a Saber…surely this young man can talk him into a reasonable plan of-' Semiramis starts to think until Shirou clenches a fist with a tear in his eye.

"You're absolutely right!"

'Never mind, he's also an idiot…' Semiramis thinks with a frown before speaking.

"So you have a way to counter Lancelot?"

Both remain silent as three silhouettes appear near Ritsuka. Mash, Jeanne, and Atalanta appear as all three Sabers are pushed aside.

"…I have no idea what we can do as a plan…" Kazuma says with a pale face as Lancelot approaches but stops.

Mash steps forward with a scowl.

"Just how long do you plan to be a raving lunatic?"

Lancelot steps back, his darkened aura fading. Jeanne looks in shock.

"He's…a regular berserker again…"

"…What the Hell? Why is he scared of her?" Kazuma asks.

"Long story short, she is part Servant, and the Servant in question is Galahad." Ritsuka says with a shit eater grin.

"Galahad being?"

"Son of Lancelot." Rin says.

Kazuma looks once more at Mash, noting the curves and skimpy outfit in shock.

"The outfit's not from Galahad." Ritsuka says with a smile.

"…I'm not surprised." Kazuma says.

"Funnily enough, not from me either…but boy did it inspire me~." Ritsuka says as Medea takes another picture.

"Delete that picture or you're next."

Medea weighs her options.

She frowns when Lancelot looks at her.

She starts deleting it when Lancelot approaches.

"You will show proper respect you w-" Lancelot stops as he takes a shield to the helm, sending him flying.

"Excellent work Galahad." Artoria says now looking at Kazuma.

"You're next." Mash says, making Artoria and Mordred turn and look in shock.

"What?!" Mordred asks.

"What did I do?!" Artoria asks, drawing flat looks from Kazuma, Rin, and Jeanne. Even Cu is credulous.

"Where do you want to begin?" Shirou shouts, drawing a flat sigh from Gilgamesh.

'Not even I can defend her actions with regards to Shirou…' Gilgamesh thinks before scowling at Semiramis who sends a beast toward Artoria, and she cuts it one motion.

Karna giggles from the floor, forgotten.

Mordred the Robin chirps furiously, forgetting human speech as she hops on Servant Kazuma's head.

"To her!" Artoria adds pointing to Mash.

"You probably did something to make father this way!" Mash shouts back, making Lancelot create a strange noise as he falls to the floor.

"I did no such thing!"

"You lie! You lie as often you bweath you tyrant!" Mordred the Robin chirps out.

"She's not though…" Karna says from the floor, making Lancelot look up from the floor.

"What…?"

"Will you stop acting like a damn bell!?" Kazuma mutters at Karna.

"…Is that modern day slang?" Karna asks.

"So…it wasn't my king that said those horrible things…?"

"It wasn't. It was a spell from Kazuma to mimic my voice. I have no love for you Lancelot." Artoria says and Lancelot looks towards Karna.

"She's telling the truth."

"You bastard…" Kazuma says, looking at Karna.

"Least I'm not a liar." Karna says as Lancelot stands back up, his armor now turning purple. Ritsuka looks at the singularly list and gasps.

"A…a condition has just been unmet…but how?!"

"Because…I have once more become a Saber!" Lancelot proclaims with a fist at his heart and a smile on his face.

A smile that falls when a blade pierces through his chest.

"Lancelot?!" Artoria and Mordred shout at the same time.

"Father!" Mash shouts as Lancelot falls to the ground upon the blade being retracted from his torso.

Standing with a bloodied blade and a vacant stare is Mysterious Heroine X. She continues smiling a mirthless smile as she pulls the sheathe away from Lancelot's hip, tying it to her back.

Archer and Scathach appear.

'…Surprised this didn't happen sooner considering that kidnaping.' Emiya thinks before MHX looks at him, blade in each hand.

"All Sabers…must die…"

"I'm an Archer."

"Whose Noble Phantasm is nothing but swords!"

Ritsuka looks at the checklist. The condition that was unmet has been met again.

"…Jeanne?" Ritsuka asks.

"She's a berserker now…" Jeanne says as she walks over to Artoria.

MHX then looks at Kazuma as she approaches.

"…I'm a Caster…"

"For now. The other one was a Caster, and he was a berserker…it's only a matter of time." MHX says.

Jeanne places a hand on Artoria's shoulder.

"…What are you doing Saint?"

"I have a plan for your deranged sister."

"We are not related she is-" Artoria is unable to finish her refusal as she is thrown by Jeanne with all her strength. She manages to land on her feet.

Right in front of MHX.

"You truly are the King of Sabers! To face her all by yourself! Such courage! The age of never ending swords is sure to be realized with your victory in this fight!" Jeanne says with clasped hands in prayer, barely resisting the urge to smirk, even as Mordred raises her sword at the Saint.

'That unbelievable-!' Artoria thinks before hearing a low laugh and crack of knuckles. She readies Excalibur, ready for another fight as she turns to MHX. Only to see a shotgun pointed at her with blue wiring along the barrel, the end now glowing with a menacing shade of white as it is about to fire.

Artoria grimaces and braces herself.

'I know I caused this and bought this upon myself…but I do not regret this.' Artoria thinks before speaking.

"…How very Saber of you." Artoria says, making MHX's eye one eye turn gold as she pulls the trigger, the force of the sci fi gun sending her shattering her armor as she is sent flying through a wall. MHX instantly runs in pursuit. Mordred takes a moment, alternating between attacking Jeanne and helping Artoria. Mordred follows MHX.

The others look on in shock for a moment, Kazuma lingering on Jeanne.

'…Damn…Wonder if I can convince her to come to the other world?' Kazuma thinks before shaking his head.

'Na, Rin wouldn't go for that…And there is still one last issue…' Kazuma thinks as the issue steps forward, making a dozen spears appear with a laugh.



===



Amakusa and Darnic return to the main floor as Gilgamesh starts laughing manically.

They ignore him and look for the blue one, finding her behind a dozen Servants.

"We'll have to bide our time and create an opportunity to-"

"By my Command Seal-" Amakusa starts, Command Seals glowing on his back, making most everyone pale again or frown.

"You have no power over me priest, I-"

"Kill the blue thing!" He says, making Atalanta grimace as she turns to Aqua.

Karna groans weakly from the floor.

Gilgamesh laughs before angling his Gate towards a crying Aqua.

"I accept this request!" Gilgamesh says before glancing at Shirou who nods.

"Lurk," He says before vanishing as a dozen spears shoot out towards Aqua. She barely avoids them, in tears as some hit Atalanta.

"Big sis!" Jack says while trying to pull Atalanta away, only to be grabbed by her and thrown away as another barrage skewers her, making her vanish into golden sparkles.

Jack glares first at Gilgamesh then Amakusa before vanishing herself.

Aqua is cornered between dozens of spears.

The others try to charge Gilgamesh only to be stymied by chains or a barrage of weapons.

As a spear flies true straight for Aqua's head, a rip appears behind her, and a slender hand reaches out, grabbing and pulling her through, closing before the spear can follow through, destroying a chunk of wall.



===

Chiron wrestles with Achilles for control of the chariot.

"Why are you going back to the Gardens?!"

"I think it's a Command Seal! And will you stop, we'll crash!"

"I do not want to go back there!"

"You'd rather be on the land of this perverted and Gods forsaken Earth?!"

"At least we'll die!"

"I doubt Fiore can be that much of a horror even if she is being influenced by Fergus!" Achilles says before taking the reins back and returning to the Gardens.



===

"Oh thank Heavens…thank you Eris, I was so scared! I'll never make fun of you wearing pads ever a-" Aqua stops talking when she sees it wasn't Eris that pulled her out.

It was a smiling Alaya…With an equally grinning Fergus, and another Fergus beside them. Further on is an armored Fergus with a hammer trying to break down a spiritual door. Eris and two angels are crying from the other side.

"…Alaya, what's going on?"

"Master needs water…and another toy~."

Aqua screams before starting to run.



===



A long second passes between Darnic and Amakusa when they see Aqua vanish into the rip.

They both pivot, bringing their respective weapons toward the other.

Amakusa stabs Darnic first, three black keys in his chest. Darnic still manages to shoot Amakusa in the leg, making the latter pull back. As he readies another handful of knives he feels an intense stabbing pain in both his chest and stomach. Darnic shot him in the chest, and upon looking down he sees a scarred face framed by white hair.

"That's for Big-"

Another gunshot rings out, first through Amakusa's back, then into Jack's forehead, making her slump to the floor. Another gunshot rings out and Darnic falls to the floor as well, followed by Amakusa.

Shirou blows out the smoke from his two revolvers, before spinning them back into his holsters.

'Didn't expect her to be there, but without the one stealthy person, and Lancelot dead on the ground, this has become tremendously eas-'

A spear impaling itself into the wall by Shirou's head makes him freeze. Looking over he sees a green haired man in armor approach with a a blonde haired man with a tail, both looking utter furious.

"Lu-" Shirou feels a hand grab his ankle, then another on his other ankle. Looking down he sees Amakusa and Darnic holding him in place. Before he can do anything he feels two daggers stab into his shoulders as Jack holds onto his back.

"…Get him Big Brother…" Jack says weakly with a vindictive smile. Achilles pulls out a sword, and Chiron readies his bow, both ready to run Shirou through.

Then all five of them vanish.

"What…just happened?" Shirou says in shock.



===



Further away, Kazuma is choking Ritsuka.

"Why did you save him?!"

"The summoning…is random…" Ritsuka says before Mash pulls Kazuma back.

"Bullshit! I saw you use some special tickets specifically for those five! And why didn't you use that for Lancelot earlier or even to get rid of this asshole!?" Kazuma shouts, making Ritsuka grimace as Jeanne and Emiya turn to her.

"You think I like this? I'm already having a mental crisis at seeing him shoot a child, even if she was a Servant! Not to mention the leering earlier…And I was hoping to save those…"

"Then why?! And I want a concrete answer." Kazuma says before raising a hand, a glow starting, even as Emiya, Scathach, and Mash raise the edges of their weapons at his neck. Servant Kazuma and Jeanne bring a blade and flag staff to Mash's neck as Cu and Rin does the same to Emiya.

"Not this shit again…" Emiya mutters as Megumin makes the sigil for Explosion appear overhead as Avicebron makes golems appear.

"I think we all need to take a breath and recall who the main threat is here…" Shakespeare says.

"If he dies-"

"How? How could his death possibly lead to the end of the world?!"

"Because he's my Grandpa! If he dies, I vanish, dooming the world to all the Singularities Mash and I stopped!" Ritsuka whispers.

 

[Davos]

"Send me back." Achilles says to Goredolf as medical staff tends to Jack, Amakusa, and Darnic.

"W-why do you want to go back?" Goredolf asks, shaky from Achilles' glare.

"I need to kill a red head…slowly if possible."

"A-absolutely not! They are a master and-" Goredolf stammers when a hand grips his neck, limiting the air he can breath.

"I'm not asking!" He says as Chiron grips his shoulder.

"Calm yourself Achilles; I don't believe this man has anything to do with that. We should try and gather some info first."

"You're just saying that because no one here wants to fuck us!"

"Didn't think Heroic spirits would have low self esteem." A medical staff says off hand while tending to Amakusa, making Achilles tighten his grip on Goredolf a moment.

"Language…" Jack says from the floor.

"…I thought you were unconscious…" Achilles says, now dropping Goredolf.

"We're getting there…Can we go back and kill the red haired guy too?" Jack asks with vacant eyes.

"No…they are still- wait…guy?" Goredolf asks, now confusing the Servants as a beeping is heard.

"We lost him!"



===

"How the Hell are you two related?!" Kazuma asks.

"I just told you. Grandpa."

"You know what I mean! Who the Hell did he even get with?! The only women I saw in Fuyuki are dead, dead and hate him, or moved to another world!"

"I'm not telling you my family tree! You stripped me in public, photographed it, and nearly killed me at least 3 times in less then twenty minutes now…and even if you didn't this is not the time for such a talk!" Ritsuka says as Gilgamesh laughs once more, launching a dozen weapons their way.

"Then why didn't you use that special ticket to get him out of here?!"

"I was going too, but after seeing all the Servants that want him dead, one of whom is not usually known for holding a grudge, I fear he may have enemies in Chaldea, and not just the ones I put there, also wanting to kill him now! And I doubt a beyond furious Lancelot would do well in Chaldea!"

"Why not?!"

"There are many versions of Artoria there, and he will probably wreck the place trying to kill them!" Ritsuka says, and Kazuma remains quiet after a halfhearted moment of trying to yell at her.



===



Gilgamesh pulls the knives out of Shirou's shoulders and gives him a healing tonic while firing more weapons at approaching Servants with one hand. A moment later Shirou is better.

"Thanks Gilga- Ack…" Shirou starts coughing more and more. Gilgamesh looks and sees Semiramis unleashing poison in the room.

"Don't worry. It's a quick death~." Semiramis says with a smile, prompting a dozen spears her way. Each one deflected with a shield or hastily summoned beast.

Ritsuka raises a hand and hits Shirou with a healing code.

"I shall remember this mongrel, and be kinder in your training!" Gilgamesh says, and Ritsuka nearly chokes.

===



MHX nearly cleaves Artoria with her landing cut before quickly kicking Artoria in her unarmored stomach. As she readies her shotgun to blow the Saber's head off, Mordred appears and hits the shotgun, denting the barrel and changing the trajectory of the shot to harmlessly hit a wall. MHX tries to bring it back with the recoil to Mordred's head only to find the edge of a shield coming her way. They all jump back, and now look at Mash.

"What are you doing here?!" All three ask.

"You killed father!" Mash says pointing to MHX.

"Then you can help us overc-"

"You probably troubled him." Mash says now pointing to Artoria.

"I did n- Well…Would you believe me if I said he wanted that?"

"I will not believe such a blatant lie!"

"She's not lying!" Karna yells from the other room.

"…My truthfulness settled, what are you planning?" Artoria asks.

"To kill you."

"Shouldn't you be defending your master?" Mordred asks.

"She said it was alright for me to pursue this for my personal reasons on top of you being a threat. She also has Scathach to protect her."

"Then we have a common objective!" MHX says with a smile.

"I'm killing you first!" Mash says.

"No, I am!" Mordred says, slashing at Mash. MHX goes straight for Artoria, prompting the other two to attack MHX, who alternates and juggles her two swords and shotgun while fighting all three knights, pushing back with blade and bullet, before narrowly forcing them all back.

"We all want her dead…Stop preventing me!" MHX says.

"Never!" Mordred shouts as Artoria takes a breath.

"…It is obvious which one of us is strongest. That is why I suggest we three work together to kill her and end her madness." Artoria says.

"Why do you think I would help you?" Mash asks.

"…One for all and all for one." Artoria says, drawing odd looks from the other three.

"What is that line supposed to mean here? Or are you fond of Dumas and Shakespeare?" Mash asks with a squinted eye.

"It was the words your father said to try and smooth out a situation some time ago. I believe a temporary truce to deal with this enraged Saber-" Artoria says, making MHX vibrate with a fury that can threaten the cosmos as she continues.

"Is the best course of action before deciding who can try to get my head."

"That sounds like a lie!"

"It isn't!" Karna shouts, deflating Mash for a moment.

"My…relationship with Lancelot was an odd one the last few days. But to see him stabbed in the back, especially when he regained his sanity, is cause enough for me to kill her, and then we can settle the matter regarding myself… Or do you need that prone lie detector to ascertain my words again? Or do you genuinely believe out of the three Sabers here she can be reasoned with?" Artoria asks, causing foam to form in the corner of MHX's mouth, and after a long moment, Mash and Mordred turn to MHX.

"Unbelievable…what madness is this, a Saber using a shield?! Are they infecting the other classes?!"

===



Gilgamesh would have used the chains and killed Semiramis within a second were it not for the oddest sight stunning both him and Shirou now.

"Cure Poison…Cure Poison…Cure Poison…!" Both Kazuma and Servant Kazuma say, hitting both his own side, as well as Gilgamesh and Shirou. After the third time they realize it is not accidental.

'This is even more bizarre than the prior fight back at the castle…' Gilgamesh thinks as Shirou looks on stunned.

Semiramis summons more beasts and sends them after Kazuma, preparing a mana beam as the others are distracted with the beasts.

Gilgamesh takes out some popcorn and hands Shirou a bag.

"…Seriously?"

"Are you not curious why they are expending an effort to save us? Besides, do you not find it amusing how they struggle while we do nothing at all?"

"…It is rather curious since I shot him in the head as soon as I arrived." Shirou says before taking the popcorn and watching.

"This is why you're the best human in this day and age." Gilgamesh says.

"Why…are you….protecting him!?" Semiramis shouts, knuckles going white from her grip on the railing.

"You think I want to?!" Servant Kazuma shouts back.

"I can use the summon again and-"

"Don't, you'll probably summon Servants on our side again." Rin says, cutting off Ritsuka.

"That has never happened before! It's random, so I doubt it'll happen again!"

"Deja vu…" Megumin says before gasping as the roof is torn off, a giant winged beast under Semiramis' command appears.

"That is so cool! I must blow it up!" Megumin says with glowing red eyes, making Kazuma, Emiya, and Rin pale as she begins the chant, sigils appearing.

"That looks like a potent spell…" Gilgamesh says while looking up.

"That could be interesting to use. Would you mind giving a demonstration so I can learn this spell?" Scathach asks.

"Of course!"

"No!" Kazuma and Rin shout.

"But I could be a dragon slayer of both worlds! A-and I am not really good at stopping when I get to this point…" Megumin whines as Ritsuka takes Megumin's hat. Scathach meanwhile aims her spear at the dragon, the now glowing spear aimed at the beast's heart.

"Gae-"

"Hey, give that-"

Megumin vanishes, turning into gold, her sigil fading.

Scathach also vanishes, as does Emiya.

Ritsuka looks at her phone in abject shock.

Avicebron glares at Ritsuka.

"…Random huh?" Kazuma asks.

"I took Megumin's hat to act as a catalyst for summoning her to save us from a fiery death…I did not expect to get teacher and Emiya again…" Ritsuka says.

"Fair enough…" Kazuma says.



===

"Nothing will stop me from-"

"Bolg!" Scathach says, blinking as her Noble Phantasm shoots out, hitting Achilles in the chest, sending him through multiple walls.

"What in the world…?" Megumin asks while looking around.

"Stay away from me you sex obsessed Irish per-wait…I'm not in that room?" Atalanta asks out loud, appearing next to them.

Scathach sighs.

"That young Master really does have some odd luck…" Emiya says.



===

Artoria, Mordred, and Mash fight against MHX, finding little success. Despite her new class, it seems she has become more sensible, focusing more on carnage based results than posing and making dramatic claims, on top of Avalon rendering whatever damage they manage to inflict, moot. The three stagger back, winded a moment.

"Let me kill this foul Saber, and I'll grant you two quicker deaths." MHX offers.

"What kind of man do you think I am?! I would rather die than be killed by you, imposter father!" Mordred shouts before attacking MHX.

Mash takes a moment to register what Mordred says and Artoria raises a hand while grimacing.

'It may be critical…but I still hate this…' Artoria thinks before steeling herself as Mordred is knocked back, Artoria's hand now glowing.

"Steal!" She shouts, as a flash of light fills the room. When it fades, she is holding her sheathe again.

"What the-?!"

"Where did you learn that?!"

"An innocent prodigy taught me how to use it during one rainy night over muffins after we were both victims of that miscreant…I hate having to use it, but now that I have Avalon again, prepare to die you fake Saber!"

'We may actually have a chance now…Without that sheathe, we can now wound MHX!' Mash thinks with a smile before realizing something.

'But now I can't kill Artoria!' She thinks before seeing Artoria grin at her.

"I only said you can try to get my head. Not that you could." Artoria says, making Mash scowl.





===



Medea hands Servant Kazuma Rule Breaker and he stabs Karna, getting a monotone 'ow' before giving Karna water. A moment later he stands back up and looks at the dragon, Gilgamesh, and Semiramis.

"Which one shall I kill first?" Karna asks, getting a chuckle from Gilgamesh.

"I suggest the dragon. I have to teach this little fake Assassin a lesson, and you have no means of killing me." Gilgamesh says, making Karna raise an eyebrow.

Shakespeare places a hand on Karna's shoulder.

"Do not fret…I may not be fearsome in battle, or possess any skills relating to combat, but I do have instinct. Not the instinct of a warrior, but of a writer, and I know, on some unexplainable way, how to kill this….mongrel~ -" Shakespeare says, making Gilgamesh frown.

"- in one dramatic penultimate movement!"

"…I'll have to be sure to kill this dragon quickly before the final curtain call." Karna says with a grin before jumping forward, tackling the dragon into open air for an aerial battle.

Shakespeare raises a hand towards Gilgamesh's direction but stops.

"…If we meet again, hand me this…and do not read it, it is unpolished." He says, handing his notes to Kazuma.

"Why don't you want me to read-"

"The last time someone saw my notes I was voted out and punched out of a church. Also, the last few pages will be a fine taunt for a certain blonde lady." Shakespeare says with a wink before speaking.

"First Folio!"

The next moment Shirou is crying out in abject fear while backing into a wall.

"Not the snakes…Not the snakes!" Shirou shouts, making Ritsuka glare at Shakespeare raising her hand only to be picked up by the scruff of her neck and lifted slightly into the air by Servant Kazuma.

"Hey what are you-" Ritsuka says while trying to shake out of the grip.

"Wait…this panic…that impossible flood earlier in the air…that was you?!" Gilgamesh grits his teeth while looking fully at the bard.

"Indeed! I can call upon the horrors of any being, and turn them into a whimpering child…though I suppose thou is already a child!" Shakespeare says with a showman rising of his hands.

Gilgamesh hurls a dozen spears at the bard.

They miss.

Not because the Bard was fast enough, but because the floor moved him out of the wave, turning the ground under Shakespeare into a mobile disc, further distracting Gilgamesh.

Avicebron stands with fists on his hips, delighted at annoying a foe and saving an odd ally. Gilgamesh grabs the horrified Shirou and jumps up to the floor near Semiramis for a better angle. Before Semiramis can react, she is tied up in chain around a pillar.

"Do you really think two Casters being in another's workshop has any chance to do anything but annoy me?"

"Is that fear I hear~?" Shakespeare says, before becoming enveloped in chains.

'…I really hope my writer instincts are right…'

"By my Cwomannd Sweal, use your Noble Phantasm!"

"By this hand, wrongs shall once more be made right…Transpose!" Servant Kazuma says.



===



Artoria chuckles as she approaches MHX, who is now bloodied and breathing heavily after a swift round of fighting. Artoria nearly laughs uproariously but restrains herself.

'I can laugh after a few more deaths~.' Artoria thinks as MHX wobbles from a dozen cuts, Mordred breathing heavily nearby, and Mash glaring at her.

"You truly are a failure as a savior…But an adequate Saber~." Artoria says, momentarily surprised when MHX straightens up despite her exhaustion. Artoria raises her blade and brings it down as a white light envelopes her.

'Is this some ability from space?!' Artoria thinks before following through on her strike and only hitting air as she is blinded. When she can see again, she is hanging from her neck in the air, a different sight in front of her now.

Shakespeare tangled up in chains, Gilgamesh posed to kill him, Rin, Cu, and Jeanne nearby…with open mouths.

Artoria looks down and sees she is wearing a trench coat, and feels an odd material on her under said trench coat.

"What…in the…?"

Before she can react, another hand grips part of the trench coat, and only through means of odd magic rips it off of her, showing Artoria off in a mix of strings and furry pads.

Gilgamesh freezes and looks at her with all the focus he can muster, making the chains around Shakespeare grow lax.

The Bard also cranes his neck while in a pile of chains to engrave every detail into his mind for his work.

Artoria squeaks and covers herself as best she can before turning to see the latest target of her fury.

It is not a new target.

Kazuma grins as Medea smiles like a fool, camera in hand.

Robin Mordred struts atop Servant Kazuma's head, proud of this petty victory.

Even Jeanne grins.

'So that's why she has phobia of dresses…' Semiramis thinks.

"How the Hell did you do this?! And why am I in such…such…!"

Artoria's wrists are grabbed by chains and hoisted upward, showing her off to everyone present.

"My, what a sight." Gilgamesh says, making one Artoria's eyes turn yellow.

"The snakes!" Shirou shouts helplessly behind him.

"To answer your earlier question, its one of my Noble Phantasms Elizabeth." Kazuma says.

"There's nothing noble about this!" Artoria says as Kazuma makes her swing slightly like a lurid ornament.

"…I hate that I still agree with her…" Rin says.

"I don't. Got anything more embarrassing for her to wear?" Jeanne asks, making Medea smile even more.

'You have a real grudge problem if you're ok with this…' Leticia thinks at Jeanne.

'Huh, Was wondering when you would speak up again. You've been quiet.'

'What can I say in this situation?' Leticia thinks back before Jeanne hears chewing sounds.

'Is…Is that popcorn?'

'No, pickle chips.'

The chains around Artoria, Shakespeare, and Semiramis grow lax, allowing all three to escape, look on in shock, or kick Kazuma into letting them go.

Artoria materializes her dress, bits of fur still visible on her neck as she looks up with a gasp at the purple armored man wrestling with Gilgamesh, swinging him around with both arms looped around him.

"Lancelot?! You're alive?!" She shouts.

"Yes my King…Though my 'Battle Continuation' will not hold for much longer…You know what must be done!" Lancelot manages to say before grabbing Semiramis with one hand.

"Let me go!"

"Never!"

"Mad dog, I will-" Gilgamesh fires a spear, but Lancelot dodges, the weapon taking one of Semiramis' arms.

"GAH! Not again!"

Artoria raises her sword.

"Thank you Lancelot…Your death will not be in vain. I may almost forgive you with this act!"

"My King!" Lancelot says with a tear down his cheek as Mordred enters the room, and sees Artoria raising her blade. Mordred stands nearby and raises her sword, before Gilgamesh launches two spears.

One makes Artoria leap to the side, and the other hits Mordred's blade, sending it flying to Artoria. She catches it with one hand and pauses a moment before tossing Excalibur to Mordred. Mordred caches it and her jaw drops.

"Do not misunderstand. I am not giving it to you, but you should know what you will be wielding if you should succeed in your wish. Besides, it has been awhile since Clarent has been in your care and wanted to see how badly you mistreated her." Artoria says. Mordred smiles and raises the sword in tandem with Artoria.

"EX-" Mordred starts to say.

"Clarent-" Artoria starts to say.



===

Alaya gasps, a very deep seated dread instantly bringing her out of a blissful, subservient high.

"Something terrible is happening!"

"Are you finally going to help us?!" Aqua shouts while standing on shaky legs on top of an unsteady stone pillar, A Fergus on each side trying to topple it.

"Not you, you deserve this. I'm talking about humanity!"

"How can you say that?! This is why you're the least favorite entity in the Heavens you spoiled bra-" Aqua's yelling stops when the pillar cracks, leading to her falling to the circling Fergusi.

The door protecting Eris and the angels finally breaks.

"Lurk!" Eris says, and she becomes invisible along with the angels.

"That won't work…I can still smell you~." Fergus says as another two versions of himself appears, making one angel clasp Eris mouth shut to muffle the warble of despair, and the other throw a perfume bottle on the floor as Aqua's cries soon start hitting a different note.



===

Karna appears behind Gilgamesh, Semiramis, and Lancelot.

'I knew he would make a good ally…' Karna thinks before going to grab the vacant eyed and twitching Shirou, but a spear appears and stabs through Shirou's shirt, sending him flying to the next room.

Karna is stunned a moment before following the spear.

'…It feels like he's done that before.' Karna thinks.

"-CALIBUR!"

"-BLOOD ARTHUR!"

The beams go fourth and hit all three Servants, erasing them in a glorious light of yellow and red.

The dust settles and both Sabers trade blades.

The Gardens make a groaning sound as whatever kept it afloat is gone, now making it descend.

Artoria turns back to face the others, raising her blade after a flourish.

"Are you seriously going to pick a fight with us after all that and now of all times?!" Cu asks.

"Why wouldn't I? Even if I do not kill him, making him stay long enough here for the Gardens to crash and kill him is victory enough!" Artoria says, prompting Shakespeare to raise a hand. Mordred pales and glares at the bard.

"Don't you care about getting the Grail?" Rin asks, trying to distract Saber and not grin at seeing her panic.

"I doubt any Grail in this lawless war can grant my wish…it really needed a proper to keep things from spiraling out of control." Artoria says, making Jeanne's twitch and turn gold. Shakespeare hand starts to glow as pages begin to rise.

"Fourth time is bound to be the charm, and a ruined castle should make for a fine setting for your grave." Artoria says, making the Bard pause and lower his hand.

"…Shakespeare." Kazuma says.

"Just think! A castle falling from the Heavens, acting as a countdown for the final fight between two heroes is a promising climax!." Shakespeare says.

"Shakespeare you bastard!"

"I refuse to acknowledge him as a hero." Artoria says.

"It's not his fault she makes a good point." Avicebron says.

"He!" Mordred says, before a rip appears, and Alaya pulls Mordred through.

"Mordred?!" Artoria shouts.

"Mon Dieu, ce sont tous des idiots…" Jeanne says with a hand at her head as the Gardens starts picking up speed.

"…Can't you just stab her again and make her not be a threat?"

"Sorry…was still day dreaming about that last outfit." Medea says, readying Rule Breaker.

She vanishes, turning into Golden sparkles, along with Avicebron and Cu Chulainn.

"…God damn red heads…" Kazuma mutters as Artoria approaches with a smile, Shakespeare making his notes return to him as he begins chronicling this final showdown.

 

[Davos]

Artoria braces herself as Cu and Jeanne step forward.

"Wait." Kazuma says, surprising them both.

"For what? You're thinking of fighting her by yourself?" Cu asks. When Kazuma remains quiet, they both turn back in shock.

Artoria is especially stunned.

"Seriously? I didn't expect this kind of plan from either version of you." Cu says.

"…Have you lost your mind?" Rin asks.

"No, but this place is falling to the ground, and I imagine it will only pick up speed, and I doubt you and Kairi here can survive that crash." Servant Kazuma says while Kazuma nudges a still unconscious Kairi with a sheathed sword.

"Besides, I am suspecting Ritsuka will try to steal the airship Avicebron made, and I am sure she is willing to let you bunch board." Kazuma says.

"And what about you? The Gardens impending crash aside, how do plan to survive facing that blight of-" Jeanne starts to ask but stops when Servant Kazuma places a finger at her lips, making her blush.

"I have some tricks up my sleeve for both of those events. Besides, I have plenty of reason to fight her." Kazuma says while looking at Artoria, his grin sending a small shudder through the King of Knights.

"…And I don't?" Jeanne says through mostly closed lips, glancing at his finger even as Leticia stares at her in a spiritual form only she can see.

"You got a way to bypass her sheath?"

Jeanne remains quiet, not only from a lack of an answer but also resisting a passing impulse. An impulse that makes Leticia groan.

'For the love of God Jeanne, don't bite his finger!'

'I-I wasn't going to do that! I have self control!' Jeanne thinks as Cu picks up the unconscious Kairi.

"…You sure about this Kazuma? Him I'm starting to get because he's a servant influenced by birds, but you?"

"Yes. I know I'm not going to stay dead, and it'll only be a problem if I try dealing with Ritsuka now after that…Noble Phantasm of mine…Not to mention Fergus is probably still affecting him." Kazuma trails off while speaking, and Cu nods.

"I'll keep the pervert in check…wait, isn't Fergus still in the afterlife room now with Eris and Alaya?" Cu asks.

Kazuma pales.

"…Crap…"



===

"What in the-" Mordred starts to ask but stops when she sees the depravity and smells the divine's fear in the afterlife room.

To her side is a smiling Alaya, with a Fergus nearby. Another three wander and smell the air.

"What the Hell are you doing dragging me here?" Mordred asks, while ignoring the crying Aqua further away.

"Finally accomplishing what I set out to do before all this madness."

"And what's that?"

"Stopping you from becoming king of course!"

Mordred raises her blade with a flourish.

The Fergusi grin and raise their weapons.

"W-wait, I can explain! We don't need to fight!" Alaya says as Aqua's cries turn to low moans.

"You're standing in the way of my Kinghood. Father has already, possibly, approved of me… somewhat I think? I'm still a little unsure about him, but as for you there is no other option for me but to try and kill a-"

"If you become King, the world ends!" Alaya shouts.

"How?!"

"Because you're a hotheaded idiot and your rule will lead your homeland to ruin, which will rewrite subsequent events in history, culminating in a nuclear wasteland!"

"How the Hell does my rule lead to nuclear annihilation?! There weren't even cars in my lifetime! And you are one to call someone hotheaded and idiotic!" Mordred says while pointing at Alaya.

"I know it best because this kind of scenario happens a lot more than you would think! I even have a file!" Alaya says before materializing a thick folder titled 'events that cause nukes to fall'.

"Then I'll just be prudent and avoid that one scenario."

"There are 24 scenarios with you in this folder alone."

"How?!"

"About half of them involved a two front war."

"Then I won't do that!"

"Half of the other half is a three front war, and the other half is you being killed by a bastard child of yours." Alaya says making Mordred frown.

"If it helps, you're only about 5% of the 'M' category!" Alaya says, leading to a moment of silence save for Aqua's corner.

"Eris…please help me~."

"Out of curiosity, how exactly we're you going to prevent me attempting Kinghood in here?" Mordred asks, and Alaya gestures to both Aqua's defilement and the grinning Fergus beside her.

Mordred summons her armor and makes her blade glow.

Two Fergus grin and another sighs.

"I suspected negotiation was not your strongest skill, but I didn't think it would be this bad…" Fergus says.

"I thought she would see reason and be curious about whatever broke me…" Alaya says as Aqua warbles further away.

"And now a Goddess…Does that mean you don't want to fight and bed her?" Alaya asks.

"Oh no, I absolutely do! But don't you think it is a bit unfair when I have high quality mana powering me? Especially since pulling her here cut off her connection and mana with her master." Fergus asks as three squeals of horror ring out. Eris and the angels are discovered.

Mordred growls a moment before grinning at Eris.

Eris sighs before speaking.

"…My will creates your body."

"And my sword protects your chastity!"

Three seals appear on her hand and Mordred smiles, as does Fergus.

"W-wait…Eris, what are you doing?" Alaya stops when Mordred appears in front of her with full teeth grin.

"Saving the Heavens!" Eris shouts.

"By kicking all your asses!" Mordred shouts before kicking Alaya with enough force to go through a wall of shadow before parrying a spear for her head, now drawing the other Fergus' in the room to themselves.



====



"…I thought you would run away and let those two deal with me." Artoria says as Jeanne, Rin, and Cu leave.

"I wanted to give you a fair chance Elizabeth." Servant Kazuma says.

"…I'm going to enjoy seeing you bleed." Artoria says before readying her blade and thrusting outward, a harsh gale shooting out towards Servant Kazuma's head. He manages to avoid the brunt of the attack in time.

But she doesn't.

Red feathers surround Mordred the robin as half her body is disintegrated. Both Kazuma's kneel at her side, grimacing at the damage.

"No…Not the good Mordred!"

"The good-?! My son, traitor he may be, is far better than some birdy faker!" Artoria shouts.

"By my- cwough cwough!"

"Don't speak! Heal!"

"I'm…too far gone…" Robin Mordred says before raising half a wonderful smelling wing.

"By my cwomannd seal…end this tyrant!"

The wing drops into Kazuma's palm, the seals gone along with any warmth.

"…You didn't need a command seal for me to do that." Servant Kazuma says before he stands and approaches Artoria.

"Oh, you're approaching me? Did you forget you're class is the least suited to combat?"

"Can't show you the meaning of gender equality without getting closer." Kazuma says, making Artoria chuckle.

"You call that a Noble Phantasm? It's so…bird brained~."

'Amazing!' Shakespeare thinks with open mouthed glee.

'Sudden dramatic death, banter, the promise of excessive violence, and most importantly, ample room for creative liberties! I must have been summoned to this Grail War to witness this event!' He thinks, writing with bated breath and a shaky hand as Artoria instantly closes the distance to Servant Kazuma, her golden blade catching the light as it descends to his head, but instead of the rending of sinew and cleaving through pitiful bone, a dull thud rings out.

Excalibur is lodged between the two bony growths on the blue heads of two large birds.



===



Ritsuka looks at Rin and the others with a twitching eye while on the airship, Mash listlessly standing between them.

"You can't stop us from boarding." Jeanne says and Ritsuka pulls up her phone.

"I really don't think your luck will help you here missy." Cu says.

"It saved me before from the situation he put me in; I refuse to have that bastard on board! I know he's using lurk and having you distract me so he can climb on undetected."

"He's not doing that. He's dealing with Artoria."

"Yeah sure, and I'm the queen of England."

"…Why are you so mad? Sure, he put you in a bad situation, but I don't know if he knew what he was doing, and I doubt this was the first time you were in a bad situation." Cu asks.

"It's the first time she was stripped without warning." Mash says.

"…Just be glad you had another trench coat on you…I'll still remember this though."

"Wait, I thought you would be wearing Artoria's outfit since she was wearing yours when she appeared near us?" Jeanne asks.

"I was. Then that uncomfortable outfit vanished, leaving me in my birthday suit! I still don't have shoes!" Ritsuka says while pointing at her bare feet.

"Wait how did you lose the-" Rin stops when she recalls Artoria summoned her clothes after being summoned by Kazuma.

"The only good thing about it was that MHX slowed down long enough for me to make another summon!"

"Was that why Avicebron and Medea vanished?"

"Karna too…Least Grandpa is safe at last…" Ritsuka says with a shudder.

'Can't believe he insisted on Mash moving her shield after knowing I was…no amount of therapy is going to help…'

"Wait, weren't you hesitant on sending Lancelot to Chaldea due to the other Artoria there? Wouldn't that be the case with MHX too?" Rin asks.

"Not quite. She can at least still be reasoned with in her own way even as a Berserker, isn't as destructive as a Grand Berserker…maybe… and we have countermeasures drilled into everyone there for her specifically."

After a moment Jeanne coughs before speaking.

"Kazuma really is fighting Artoria."

"You got proof?" Ritsuka asks and the group remains quiet until a horrendously loud crashing is heard a distance away, causing reverberations through the remaining gardens, making the descent speed up. Raucous laughter is carried on the wind.

The laughter is unmistakably Kazuma's.

As is the scream of agony.

"I believe you now. Welcome aboard." Ritsuka says.





===A few minutes earlier===



"What in the world-?!" Artoria is cut off when one bird kicks her back, the talons leaving scratches on her armor.

"What the Hell kind of birds are those?!"

"We are what your kind calls Cassowaries, we are from the land down under!" One says.

"And as members of Avain-lon, we shall tear your hopes asunder!" The other says, presenting an emblem on its chest of a bird pulling a sword from a stone, making Artoria's eye twitch.

"This is absurd…a bird can't stop my blade!"

"We are unlike any bird you ever fought before, you insolent murderous lad!"

"For we are from the elite combat unit, Galahad!" The one Cassowary says, making Artoria clench her handle with white knuckles.

"How much of my life will you sully in your imitation? Your so called kingdom hasn't even been around a month!"

"True, we are new, but that won't stop us from making you a footnote in our fable!"

"Bards will speak of your fall against the mighty Nightingales of the Round Table!"

"They're right!" Shakespeare shouts from afar.

Before Artoria can articulate her outrage, she feels something warm and gooey hit her head.

She channels her mana, both clearing the bird poo off and empowering her next attack.

The Galahad duo ready themselves. Servant Kazuma raises his hand.

'Now that she is distracted, I'll steal her beloved sword and-'

An impact knocks him on his back, making him cough blood. He looks up at both the shocked Cassowaries and the grinning Artoria. On the floor in front of them is Excalibur.

'She threw her blade pommel first into me?!' Servant Kazuma thinks in abject shock before one Cassowary bites onto the blade, holding it tightly in his beak.

"Gah…Fool, you may have got a cheeky…strike in, but you should have thrown…point first…" Servant Kazuma says as he stands up, wondering for a moment why Artoria has her hand raised as she laughs.

"You call me a fool?…Why would I give you a quick death after everything? I purposefully threw it pommel first!"

"But why would you toss your blade aside and leave yourself unar-"

"Steal!" she shouts, cutting him off as the familiar light fills the room.

"What?!" Both Kazumas shout, now seeing her holding her sword again in one hand, and grabbing the stunned Cassowary that was also stolen by the neck. In the next moment, she pushes the blade forward, cutting through the bird's head like butter.

"Brother!" The other Cassowary shouts with a tear in his eye as the lifeless body hits the floor.

"Don't worry. You'll join him soon, with a bit of butter and garlic~." Artoria says as she flourishes her sword, the excess blood whipping off it as some drip from her face and hand.

"Lurk." Both Kazuma say.

Artoria sighs and closes her eyes.

"I'm surprised you didn't do that s-" She startles when Servant Kazuma reappears next to her, pivoting into a hook for Artoria's face. She languidly prepares to stab him, keeping a chuckle in check.

'What an idiot. He really thinks his measly punch will-'

Artoria feels a tooth crack on impact as she is sent flying some distance, momentarily blinded by pain before landing on her feet. She cups her cheek in utter shock.

"Wha- how-? That actually hurt?! But you're a shut in pervert!"

"I may be a Caster and a new servant, but I can still hurt anyone with lower divinity than me."

"DIVINITY?! You of all people are-?! From…From BIRDS?!" Artoria shakes as she shouts, her tooth already healing.

"It is the power of heartfelt prayer! I also do extra damage with my 'gender equality punch' against women!"

"That's not equality, that's misogyny!"

"…Spoken just like a woman." Kazuma the Caster says, making Artoria raise her blade, now glowing.

"EX-"

A thud behind her that shakes the Gardens and a shadow covering her makes her stop.

Artoria slowly looks behind her and sees a giant of scaly creature of muscle look down at her with yellow eyes, the black center focused on her as a mouth opens, showing rows of teeth, each one taller than Artoria.

"That's…not a-" She starts before looking at the creature's tiny arms.

It has a few pitiful feathers on said arms.

"You have got to be kidding me…"

"What better match for a tyrannical king, than a benevolent one! Get her almighty Bene-Avian Rex, the link between bird and reptile, King Arthur!" Kazuma shouts with the biggest shit eater grin before laughing as the dino-avian lunges forward with an open mouth.

Time slows for Artoria as the jaws of the beast descends.

'Honestly…this is least annoying creature to bear my name.'

The jaws close around Artoria. She screams and kicks uselessly as the animal with her name tilts upward, chewing a few times before swallowing and roaring in glee.

'I am never eating chicken or reptiles ever again…' Kazuma the human thinks with wide eyes while still in lurk.

'Hmm…Quite the spectacle, but not quite worth being the final blow…I can always rewrite this part and-' Shakespeare stops when the hairs on his neck rise up.

'I feel a plot armor activating!'

"Excellent job King Arthur!" Caster Kazuma says.

"Do not praise me All Father…the tyrant, though hurt, still lives."

"What?! How?" He asks before seeing the giant tremble and fall to one knee, blood spilling from its maw.

"Her…sheathe saved her life. Even now she is cleaving through my insides…but do not worry…I may die, but I have taken away her healing!" The giant says before opening his mouth to show Artoria's sheathe is lodged in his teeth. He clenches his mouth shut and groans as Excalibur pokes out of his side.

"The rest…is up to you…" He says before falling forward as a hole is torn open and Artoria jumps out, now completely red from the top of a somehow still standing straight strand of hair to her toes. She walks a few steps before stumbling and forced to use Excalibur to hold herself up while coughing her own blood, gashes and wounds all over her body.

"This is…complete…and utter…" Artoria coughs more blood, one hand on her side as she is unable to finish the gripe.

Birds crow in triumph at the sight.

Servant Kazuma confidently walks up to Artoria with the biggest grin, a hop in his step that threatens to become a merry skip even as he restrains himself.

He waits for Artoria to manage to meet his gaze, the scowl not scaring him nearly as much as before.

Especially as he starts lightly slapping her face, alternating between backhands and front handed slaps, making Artoria shake and growl as he giggles, each contemptible sound of joy making her eye color flicker.

"Any last words before I end this, you-"

Artoria lunges forward, eyes a blazing gold as she sinks her teeth into Caster Kazuma's forearm, an audible snap rings in the room, followed by a scream.



===A few minutes earlier===

MHX brings her sword down and hits air, taking a moment to look around the room.

"Where is that red headed nudist Saber!? And where am I now?!"

"You're-" Achilles stops when Goredolf grips his shoulder.

"It was only a matter of time before your kind found this safe house too…" He says before handing Achilles a pamphlet. Inside it says 'Mysterious Heroine X/ Space Artoria contingency plans' and Goredolf taps one titled 'when MHX appears enraged'. Chiron and Atalanta have one too.

"Is this safe haven to be destroyed too?!" Chiron says with unusual zeal.

"Oh…Is nowhere safe for Berserkers and the other knight classes?" Atalanta says with blank eyes.

"Safe…haven?" MHX asks while looking at Chiron's, Scathach's, and Achilles' weapons before paling.

"W-wait…you're under persecution from…B-but I'm not, I can't be…I-I changed back I swear!" MHX says with wide eyes while looking at the dead and injured.

"I…truly stared into the abyss…" She mutters before sinking into a corner with her head in hands.

"…Don't you think this is too far?" Atalanta whispers.

"We'll debrief and feed her some of her favorites soon." Goredolf whispers back.

"I still want to go back to Romania." Achilles says and Goredolf has the preparations for the warp made, showing a glimpse of where he will land.

On the screen is a blood covered Artoria with blazing yellow eyes, crunching Kazuma's arm in her mouth before pulling back and ripping everything from below the elbow off in one violent motion. Caster Kazuma staggers backwards, alternating between his newly made squirting stump and the smiling Artoria who takes a long drink of fresh blood before spitting the limb aside, looking him in the eye as she licks her lips, standing straighter now that she is recovered.

"I retract my request; I never want to set foot in that God forsaken land of Romania ever again…There's no way that Saber is a noble knight…" Achilles says with pale cheeks as others look on in open mouthed horror, or in Scathach's case, curiousty. MHX looks up at the screen, and then goes back to her existential horror.

"That's obviously a Berserker…"

'What in the Hell is going on over there?!' Goredolf thinks as he sees a dead T-rex nearby.

"…Should I note this day down as a possible recurring Singularity like Halloween or summer, sir?"

"I doubt it is one…but better safe than sorry."



===



Caster Kazuma stares at his stump a moment longer before looking at the smiling Artoria approach.

"What the Hell is wrong with you…?!" He asks before Excalibur slashes out, and his vision tumbles to the ground.

The birds Gwasp.

Artoria laughs with a hand at her head, saying 'Finally!'.

Kazuma sneaks to the exit, stopping when the laughter ends and he sees Artoria looking at him.

'Calm down Kazuma…Servants can't see you while you're using lurk…just move slowly and it'll be fine…' He thinks, trying to suppress his shudders as Artoria begins walking in his direction.

"I can smell the fearful sweating~." Artoria says, making Kazuma warble and groan.

Then the birds chirp a joyous note in unison, puzzling Artoria, and Kazuma relaxes somewhat.

Artoria is sent flying once more, this time into a wall.

She stands back up and sees the Caster is whole once more.

"What? How are you-"

"Because I don't stay dead when I am killed!"

"What do you mean you don't stay-" Artoria stops when she recalls a bit of conversation from a long time ago

"You also bungled into a Holy Grail war during your vacation and died enough times to be on a first name basis with a Goddess of the departed!"

"Oh dear God, you have a revive ability too…" Artoria mutters as Kazuma raises his hand, blinding the room once more. When it fades Artoria finds nothing is missing.

But her blade is duller and less ornate now.

"What in the…?"

"I have stolen the concept of Excalibur!"

"What? What does that even mean?!" Artoria asks as a golden aura surrounds her. She runs forward to get out of the spell's range, only for the aura to follow her. She swings her sword, hoping to cleave through Kazuma before it finishes, only to find herself flipping in the air from the force of her swing, tumbling in the air before landing on something and tumbling to the side, before falling a short distance. She grabs a railing with one hand, looking around her to study her surroundings a moment. She is in the air, birds circling in random areas and the Gardens in the air behind her.

'Getting really sick of these sudden teleports…Where am I now?' She wonders before looking the other way as she starts to pull herself up, stopping when she sees three pairs of eyes grinning down at her, sending a shiver of dread through Artoria.

The faces looking at her are Mash, Rin, and the Saint.

'…Figures he sends me to a trio worse than the Gorgon sisters…' Artoria thinks as Mash raises the shield and hits Artoria in the head.

As she is falling she sees gander shots whizzing at her, unable to keep up with the velocity of her fall. She sees the Saint's mouth moving even as the distance grows, somewhat recognizing the French words from her lip movements.

'Roar O rage of mine? Why is she-'

The spike impaling her back upon the harsh impact answers that question.

As Artoria once more tastes her own blood, she takes a moment to steady her breath before breaking part of the thing piercing her before rising to her feet. After another moment of breathing she looks up and sees the Gardens are now much closer and about to land on top of her current location.

'…Fourth time is bound to be the charm…Hopefully Mordred and Lancelot are doing better…' Artoria thinks as the Gardens crashes on top of her.



===A minute earlier===



Kazuma grabs Kazuma and heads for the ledge. Perched there is a pterodactyl with feathers looking flatly at them.

The thinly feathered member of Avain-lon grabs them with it's talons and flies off from the Gardens. Using their enhanced vision they see Artoris is square in the path of the Garden's landing and smile.

'Wow, everything is going great!' Both Kazuma think at the same time.

They feel dread at the same time at this realization, and it is answered the same time as the pterodactyl starts loosening it's grip on them.

"A question, so called All Father…if a God can die, are they really a God?"

"What are you getting at?" Kazuma asks with a bead of sweat down his neck.

"If a God is unable or unwilling to help, can they still be a God? How many birds died despite your being here, how many tribes, including mine, have gone extinct?"

"You can't blame me for that!"

"Perhaps…but that does not change the validity of my question…nor does it change my views."

"Those views being?"

"I'm a deist, and I about to observe your fall~."

'How the Hell do they have multiple views on faith already?!' Both Kazuma wonders before screaming as he is dropped. Human Kazuma grabs Servant Kazuma gets behind him.

"What the Hell?!"

"You're more durable than me!"

"No I'm not!" Caster Kazuma says before wrestling with his human self for who takes the brunt of the impact. Caster Kazuma punches human Kazuma.

"I'm a man, gender equality doesn't affect me!" Kazuma says before punching Kazuma.

"But my Divinity!?"

"I'm an Eris follower!"

"That doesn't even make sense, damn it!" Caster Kazuma shouts before getting held in place as he sees the ground zooming closer.

 

[Davos]

[Apologies for lateness. Irl things and was a bit stuck on trying to include some parts. Those parts will be in the next chapter.]

A few minutes after making his Servant self take the landing, Kazuma reunites with the bunch on the airship. He and Ritsuka look flatly at each other.

"…How did you survive getting out? And where is your Servant version?" Ritsuka asks.

"Pterodactyl, and he is there recovering after I used him to cushion the landing."

"Jack…ass…"

'Never thought I'd hear myself call me that…Though I can't blame him. I'd hate to be used as a cushion too.'

"Why didn't the-" Rin starts.

"Pterodactyls are jerks…" Kazuma says.

'…What's a pterodactyl?' Jeanne thinks.

'Dinosaur, giant flying reptile. Think bird without feathers…think they later evolved into birds actually.'

'Wait, if that's the case then why did they-'

'Maybe they lost faith after meeting and hearing more about him? Like us with the Lord?' Leticia thinks back, and Jeanne remains quiet a moment.

'…I didn't lose faith…though I may have lost some respect after those revelations…I really can't blame you.'

'It was just as much you as that, little miss Impaler.'

'Excusez-moi?!'

"So what will you do now?" Kazuma asks Ritsuka.

"Probably start drinking heavily."

"I meant about Fergus…but I can't blame you for that."

"Oh that. I was going to do another summon in a few minutes after my luck recovers." Ritsuka says.

"I don't think that's how luck works." Cu says.

"I'm also waiting to see if another harebrained threat emerges."



===

Darkness is lead out of the ruins by Fiore, her body sore from accidentally being used as a cushion, her legs threatening to give out with each step as she is pulled by the leash around her neck, making her smile so very much.

"What…what kind of woman knows such techniques~?" Darkness mews out while hugging herself.

"Your Master~." Fiore says with a one eyed grin, making Darkness shudder as she is pulled further along, blinded by her own lusty thoughts, lost in her own little world of anticipation until she hear moans from a nearby wobbling shed.

The wall of said shed falls over, surprising them both.

A moment later, Caelus comes out with a twitching and panting Fran on his shoulder.

Everyone freezes for a moment.

Fiore speaks first.

"Looks like my baby brother is all grown up now~."

Darkness stares in shock, first at Fiore, then at Caelus as he nears with a smirk.

"I could say the same about you. Who is your… friend?" He asks while looking with closed eyes at Darkness.

"Just a wayward toy who enjoys being shown her place~." Fiore says, making Darkness bite her lips to resist falling to her knees.

"Funny. Sounds just like Fran~."

"M-Master!? That is-" Fran's outrage fades with a smack on her butt.

"I don't mean it in a bad way. You're the best Fran!" Caelus says, making Fran cup her face.

"Aww, you've become quite the sweet talker…Is there no room for another?" Fiore asks while pulling on Darkness' collar.

"Don't be absurd! There's always room for one more!"

"How about two then~?" Fiore asks with a wink, further shocking Fran and Darkness.

"A sister is more than fine~!" Caelus says as Fiore bumps the back of Darkness' legs, making her kneel. Fran joins her a moment later, fidgeting as Fiore places a hand on both their heads.

'This world is beyond depraved, scandalous…and perfect!' Darkness thinks with glee as Fiore reaches to Caelus as they begin.



===



"So what were you saying when you got summoned Big Sis?" Achilles asks as Scathach, Megumin, and Avicebron leave the room.

"…I don't want to talk about. I thought I was in the afterlife room, but I was actually in an odd area of Hell."

"What did you see there?" Karna asks.

"The Irishman." Atalanta says, making Chiron pale.

"And there were at least five of him!" She continues and Chiron groans.

"More of him…how can this get worse?"



===



Mordred is having the time of her life.

After kicking the nimrod, she begins fighting the other Fergus, Clarent in one hand, and ornate sheath in the other to help deal with the numbers. She barely avoids an arrow for her head before flinging the sheathe at Archer Fergus, who falls to the ground with a groan. From the sounds of his wheezing, he won't be up for awhile, but that leaves Mordred with Saber, Lancer, and Caster Fergus.

Rider Fergus is busy with a crybaby.

At least until Mordred tosses Lancer Fergus into him. They look at each other and nod.

Aqua's cries and moans grow louder before becoming muffled.

"Sorry, didn't mean for that to happen!" Mordred says.



===



Musashi and Kojiro join the group, looking prim and proper, save for the bit of dust on their clothes and hair from the ruins of the Gardens.

And Musashi's hair being disheveled.

And Kojiro leaning on his sword like a cane.

"So…uh…where is Bill?" Musashi asks while playing with a bit of hair in one hand while trying to smooth out the rest with her other.

Before someone can say anything, a shadow covers them, causing them to look up and see him in the air, riding atop a cassowary, the bird's wings outstretched and gliding along the air.

"Wait, Cassowaries can't fly!" Kojiro says.

"It can after I penned that its wings can now handle flight!" Shakespeare says as they land and he takes a bow with a big smile.

"I must thank you, the material will give me a best seller that will resonate through the ages!"

"You can't publish anything." Ritsuka says, and Shakespeare freezes with a gasp.

"But this tale needs to be chronicled! With a great deal of dramatic tension and creative liberty!"

"It shall be an epic, worthy of both prior ages and modernity!" The cassowary says.

"No."

"I earned this!"

"He did a fair bit in the last fight." Jeanne says.

"Not the point. If William Shakespeare, who has been dead for hundreds of years, suddenly published something, it'll cause problems."

"I'll use a pen name!"

"In that case…no~. Your writing style is unique and people will recognize it." Ritsuka says with a smile.

Shakespeare raises his hand.

"First Folio!"

Ritsuka frowns and brings up her phone.

She calmly taps a few buttons while glancing to the side with a twitching eye and Shakespeare fades away, as does Musashi and Kojiro.

"…I'm a little disturbed how calm she was in that Noble Phantasm." Cu says as he starts fading.

"I've been through worse, and it's not the first time I've seen him use it for petty reasons...speaking of petty." Ritsuka says before looking at Kazuma holding the author's notes.

"Before we continue…why are you barefoot?" Kazuma asks.

Ritsuka cracks her knuckles and approaches.

"…I know you're not doing this on purpose, but it is still hard to believe. Good luck Kazuma." Cu says as he vanishes and Ritsuka's phone buzzes.

She contemplates her choices and answers the phone.

"Where the Hell are you summoning these Servants?!" Gordes asks.

"Romania, though I'm sure the usual randomness is included…why do you-"

"I saw, I conquered, I came!" A familiar Irishman says with a red head conceptual being smiling on one shoulder and a Goddess twitching on his other shoulder.

Chiron groans before fleeing the room.

Atalanta stands behind Achilles.

"…Really sis?"

"…Respect your elders…" Atalanta says back.

"Oh come on, the fight was just getting to the good parts!" Mordred says upon appearing.

"Who says we're done?" A few versions of Fergus says upon appearing, making Aqua groan and Alaya grin. The sound of steel clashing is overheard.

"No fighting in Chal-"

A deafening boom makes Ritsuka fumble with the phone.

"Is Chaldea under attack?!" Mash shouts.

"No…But there is a crater outside now."

"How is there a-"

A second boom is heard.

Ritsuka looks at Kazuma and Rin.

"They're your problem now." They say at the same time.



===

"…For what it's worth, you did great for a first time…and second and third…" Reika says with somewhat vacant eyes as she dresses herself, a twitch going up her back as the young man still is breathing heavily on the bed.

"I thought I was going to die after the second time…Was this swinging?" Sieg asks as Reika downs a morning after pill.

"No, and I am not really in the mood to explain that…"

'I'm sure he'll make any girl happy now…but what happened to me? And Jack is…'

===



Darkness returns with a pout, a listless Fiore, vacant eyed Caelus, and blushing Fran walking by a moment later towards Kazuma and the others.

"Are…you ok?"

"I was before." Darkness says flatly.

"…I don't know what came over us…" Fiore mutters with vacant eyes.

Caelus remains quiet.

Kazuma, Rin, Jeanne, Mash, and Ritsuka looks at them and pales.

"I-It's not what you think!" Fiore says with red cheeks.

'The Fergus effect…' Kazuma thinks.

'And I thought you were the kinky one of this bunch.' Leticia thinks, making Jeanne frown.

"Cowards…and after you made me call you Master by cracking my wrist!" Darkness says.

"I wasn't in my right mind!"

"You were in your best mind and lost it!" Darkness says while jabbing a finger into Fiore's cheek.

"What is wrong with you?" Caelus asks.

"Not enough time to explain that." Kazuma says and Darkness smiles.

"Not even a minute upon my return and you already insult me…You should follow his deplorable example, you incestuously inclined deviants!"

"I am not incest inclined!" Fiore and Caelus say at the same time.

"That's a lie…and judging from the sensation of this lie, they both have had this inclination for some time now." Karna says from the phone, Gordes taking the phone back with a mutter as both siblings pale, glance at the other and back at the phone.

"Oh God…I was a replacement, and now I'm a third wheel…" Fran says.

"No!" Caelus shouts.

"Wait, you can speak?! How?" Rin asks and Caelus blushes while nudging his glasses.

"We… we're controlled by something that made us do it!"

"Technically Fergus' disposition only made you and humanity more open about their desires, it didn't plant new ones." Alaya says from the phone, making the siblings pale even further.

"That…can't be true…that means I wanted to solicit my grandpa and brother for...for…" Fiore says with tears at the corners of her eyes.

"Don't worry about it! Incest has been a common desire throughout the history of humanity!" Alaya says in a chipper tone, her smile falling when Fiore starts crying.

Jeanne maintains a neutral face while glancing at Fiore and Caelus before glancing at Kazuma.

'…Wonder if I can recreate-'

'Don't go down that line of thought Jeanne, please…'



===

Cu appears in a room with a familiar armored knight fighting multiple versions of his step father, one of whom is carrying a fidgeting Aqua and a smiling Alaya.

He ignores this and lets them have their fun.

'Wonder how much changed since I've been away with two Grail Wars and a short stay in another world?' He wonders before walking by. In the hall he sees a horrible sight.

The Archer in red carrying his teacher on his back.

He readies his spear.

"Put that down, I didn't do anything to her." Emiya says.

"You sure as Hell didn't beat her. Is it a spell, or did you drug her food you NTR bastard!?"

"I am not-!"

"I did this to myself…I underestimated the mana needed for that delightful spell." Scathach says, her chin on Emiya's shoulder.

"Spell?" Cu asks as a deafening boom is heard. Emiya sighs with closed eyes.

"That fool was supposed to carry Megumin back, not cast the spell…"

"…I know how to make you relax and forget about that…~" Scathach says with a grin, making Cu freeze with a groan at her voice, and Emiya raise an eyebrow out of puzzlement.

The sound of a tray dropping to the floor makes Emiya look behind Cu.

What he sees makes him groan.

Behind Cu Chulainn with a twitching eye is Medusa.

"Medi it's not what you think!"

"You expect me to believe she's not your type? She's tall and can kick your ass too!"

"I didn't know you were part Irish…that's good to know." Scathach says, making Cu groan again.

"Will you stop making this worse…" Emiya asks as Medusa raises a dagger.

"I thought it would be a good precursor for later~." Scathach says.

Medusa throws a knife at Scathach.

Emiya drops her to the floor so the blade misses. Scathach stands back up, spear in hand.

"I thought you couldn't walk?"

"I can now, but I am still tired…which should make this almost a fair match for her~." Scathach says with a grin at Medusa. Cu relaxes with a sigh.

'Thank Gods…she only said all that to taunt Medusa into fighting her!'

"You're next, you charming coward." Medusa says while glancing at Emiya.

He takes a deep breath and smiles.

"I am no coward, but I know not to stand in the way of an angry woman…But I will make this up to you later."

"What are you going to-"

"Lurk." He says and vanishes.

'…Honestly, can't blame him…Just glad he's not an ntr bastard.' Cu thinks before leaving as Scathach and Medusa start fighting.



===



"We probably have another debacle to stop now thanks to you, so we'll take our leave." Ritsuka says as a section of ruined castle wall explodes.

A minute later, Artoria staggers out.

How the Hell is she still alive?!' They all think at the same time.

Ritsuka taps on her phone and a moment later she and Mash start to fade.

"Aren't you gonna help with this?!" Rin asks.

"She's your problem now~." Ritsuka says with the biggest shit eater grin while flipping off Kazuma. Her smile falters when Kazuma raises a hand and a flash blinds them.

"Kazuma wait! she doesn't-!" Jeanne and Rin start to say.

"You bastard! Not again!" Ritsuka says while crossing her arms over her chest.

Mash stares blankly ahead while covering Ritsuka with her shield.

"Steal!" He chants as both girls vanish, now holding a trench coat.

"…Surprised I got this and not-wait…" Kazuma pales with a realization.

Then Artoria falls forward and vanishes.

Both Kazuma's relax. Then they look at the other and head into the ruined Gardens. A few minutes later he returns with Avalon.

"I doubt you can benefit from its magical properties…and what about Ritsuka?" Rin asks.

"I'll deal with her if she shows up somehow…And I suspected as much since it's actually starting to burn as I hold it. I think Arty's hatred of me is causing that." Kazuma says, prompting Darkness to grab the sheath.

"Down girl, you can't use this for fun!"

"Then why do you want it?" Jeanne asks.

"To sell it." Kazuma says.

"…That would help with the debt…But I do like how it burns to the touch~." Darkness says.

"Shame we can't tell the blight about that plan." Jeanne says.



===

"I'm a little touched you went to me when scared big sis~."

"Who better to combat a pervert than another pervert?" Atalanta says.

"I am no pervert!" Achilles says, drawing a flat look from Atalanta before she looks at Karna.

Karna matches her gaze in silence.

"Well?" Atalanta asks.

"Are you expecting something from me?" Karna asks back.

"You know what I am expecting."

"Do you think I just hide around corners or wait in spirit form to expose lies~?" Karna asks with a smile that grows a little larger as her ear twitches.

"He's not lying if that is what you are wondering." Karna says with a fist behind his back, clenched tight enough that a bit of blood is dripping along his fingers.

'I am treating him to a feast or fighting him with everything I have later!' Achilles thinks while forcing himself not to smile.

Then Atalanta smiles.

Achilles suspects she is planning something but finds himself lost in that face.

"Rule Breaker!" Medea says before stabbing Achilles.

"By my Command Seal, tell the truth!" Medea says, a seal vanishing from her hand.

"You stab like a girl."

"By my command seal, stop being a smart ass!" Medea orders with a frown.

Achilles brings his one leg forward and raises his spear to stab his heel.

Karna grabs the spear and stops him.

Atalanta glares at Medea while cracking a knuckle.

"…That was not my intent." Medea says as Shakespeare appears with slouched shoulders before looking up around him. Musashi and Kojiro appear a moment later behind him.

Mordred and Fergus fighting.

A former comrade who voted him out.

One who did not.

He raises his hand towards Fergus.

"First Folio." He says in monotone and all the Fergus gasp and look into empty space in horror.

"No Fildas, not the whip! Not the branding iron! The scar just healed!" They shout in fearful harmony.

Mordred freezes in terror before fleeing the room.

"First Folio." Shakespeare says, and Mordred stops at the door.

"M-mom? Oh no not again…" Mordred stammers as Shakespeare points at Atalanta.

"First Folio." He says and she groans in increasing horror while running out and reaching for something is not there.

"Not the children!"

"You bastard! I will-" Achilles starts for the Bard.

"First Folio."

Achilles instantly pales and begins running at blinding speed, grabbing Atalanta as he runs away.

'What in the world? Shakespeare has never been like this before…' Gordes thinks as a worker taps his shoulder.

"Sir, you may want to look at this…"

On the screen are Shakespeare's stats. Everything is normal save for one additional skill.

Madness enhancement C.

"If I cannot bring joy, I will usher in terror…!"



===



A rip appears near the group in Romania.

"…At least there isn't fire this time." Eris says with a tired smile.

"Are you here to send us back?" Kazuma asks.

"Not quite…Alaya and Aqua contacted me regarding what is happening in Chaldea and…Alaya made a surprising suggestion."

"I refuse." Kazuma says.

"I understand why you're saying that, but please listen first! It's not that bad actually."

"I don't believe it."

"We should at least hear her out. It's not like she can suggest anything dumber at this rate." Rin says.

"…Ok. What is it?"

"Take Mordred, Shakespeare, and a few others to Belzerg."

"Wait, why does she want them there?"

"Mordred does have a chance of causing ruination if she wins a Grail War…as for Shakespeare…"

Eris plays a recording of Shakespeare laughing evilly while traumatizing everyone in Chaldea.

Except for Karna, Medea, Aqua, and Alaya.

Gordes is looking at a transcript of the last few minutes of conversation in Romania with an open mouth.

"…So that's why father never wanted me to stay overnight at Aunt Fiore's…"

Ritsuka is hiding behind Mash's shield as they awkwardly leave the room.

"…That is….mostly not my fault. At least not the Shakespeare part."

"So they don't need a vacation?" Eris asks, making Kazuma freeze.

"That…I….Eh…I'll help them find lodging…" Kazuma says.

"…I'll teleport Darkness and Miss Jeanne first and leave you alone for a few days." Eris says.

"Wait, why not them?" Jeanne asks and Eris pauses a moment.

"…They are uh…well…need some alone time?" Eris says and Rin look away with a blush.

"Th-that's not…how can you just go and say that?! The implication is beyond-"

"I'm sorry, I guess I just thought you two would like a few days of relaxation considering how prior grail war ended." Eris says.

"Oh…t-that makes more sense. Though I am not sure how I can relax in this place…"

"That is a fair point…I doubt whipped cream is readily available here either." Eris says before blanching.

"Whipped cream? What are you-" Rin devolves into a creaky groan upon understanding.

Kazuma also pales.

Jeanne's mouth hangs open a moment.

"You watched us?!"

"No! I only saw a second because I thought you were done after the prior day!" Eris says, making Rin cup her face.

"You saw both times…"

"It was an accident!"

'Oh no, how tragic, he's taken by another pervert…guess we should go see Sieg to console ourselves!' Leticia thinks at Jeanne in sing song.

"I mean…it's not bad having an audience is it?" Kazuma asks, making the rip warble a moment as Rin glares at him.

"I know you're a pervert but to even suggest that?!"

'…I don't think so.' Jeanne thinks back at Leticia.

'What are you going to do, take the guy from the girl that went to another world and back for him? Even if you don't agree to being a Saint, that is just bad from every angle.'

'Who said she would be excluded'?

'What?' Leticia groans out as Jeanne cups Rin's face.

"Jeanne? What are you-" Rin's question gets muffled when Jeanne pulls her in closer.

Rin freezes from the surprise, stunned at feeling a tongue slip into her mouth.

Kazuma is also wide eyed, and Eris squeaks before leaving.

'I am not coming back here for at least a week!'

Darkness smiles slightly until she finds herself being teleported.

'Since when were you into girls Jeanne?!'

'I'm not that inclined, but I am French…and I figured getting on good terms with her would help.'

'That is just a rude stereotype of the French! And how do you think a impromptu make out is going to-' Leticia falls silent when Jeanne pulls back, showing a blushing and fidgeting Rin.

'Oh God…you're all perverts.'

'Like you're any better?' Jeanne thinks while still cupping Rin's face.

'I know I had a thing for men of the cloth…but Saints too?' Rin thinks while staring up at Jeanne.

'…Am I being cucked by a beautiful bastard?' Kazuma thinks while watching with no shame at the two women before his Servant version stands by him and grabs his shoulder.

"Go on ahead with Rin…I'll deal with her!" Servant Kazuma says with a smile and glint in his eye.

"…You expect me of all people to believe you're doing this for altruistic reasons?"

"You think you can deal with an amorous Servant who can take on 14 other Servants?"

"You think I'm against a ménage a trios?~" Jeanne asks, shutting them all up.

'There was no liquor involved, how did this happen?' Rin thinks in shock while being pulled along by Jeanne back to the Gardens with the two smiling Kazuma following.

She catches herself smiling too a moment later.

'…I'll just call it the start of a vacation~.'

 

[Davos]

"…Is it safe to look?" Eris asks through the rip, her eyes covered by her hands.

"No, we are planning to commit debauchery while reading Bible verse in a few minutes. We're already dressed up in tights and sold out, but I suppose you can watch too…Or does the voyeur deity want to do more than watch? If so she'll have to say please~."

Eris takes a moment to uncover her eyes to look at a smiling Jeanne, stunned at her dual colored hair of yellow with light gray edging now. Kazuma pulls on her ear.

"Don't tease Eris.'

"You're right…what will Rin think?" Jeanne asks, making Rin cough into her fist with a blush.

"…I'm glad you enjoyed this vacation. Things may be a bit…hectic at first back in Axel." Eris says before beginning the teleport.

"…What did my party do?"

"Not them this time surprisingly…It was the Servants."

"Oh no…" Jeanne says with lightless eyes.

"Nothing bad though!"

"I don't believe you!"

"Lancelot, MHX, and Artoria aren't there."

"…At least the most insane ones are not there…" Jeanne says with a shudder.

A moment later they appear in front of Kazuma's place.

"I was worried there would not be enough room." Jeanne says.

"Space isn't the issue…though there are others." Rin says before they knock on the door. A tall white haired woman in a green dress opens the door.

"Oh, you're finally back. Shame. But you can at least help with them." She says.

"Can I at least set foot in my place before being mocked Sella?"

"No, and I'm not Sella." She says, making Kazuma tilt his head. He and Rin grow wide eyed at reaching the same answer.

"Wait…Illya?!" Rin asks

"Indeed~." Illya says with crossed arms and a shit eater grin.

"You were never this tall! How did that happen?"

"I haven't figured out the exact mechanisms, but between Eris' help and the mana in this world, I underwent a growth spurt. Not even a month and I'm as tall as my maids now! Did I mention you are perfect for looking down on, Tohsaka?" Illya says with a smile and a small giddy laugh as Rin clenches a fist.

Megumin passes by with a frown.

'…She must be incredibly annoyed by that…' Kazuma thinks.

"Did a similar thing happen to Sella and Leysritt?"

"Not…quite…but yes." Illya says with a side long glance.

The 4 enter and soon see Aqua at the dining room table, slowly stabbing a fork into some meat, before pulling it out again and stabbing it again with red cheeks and vacant eyes.

"…What happened to her?"

"Someone named Fergus got to her I believe? She wouldn't give any details." Illya says, making Kazuma frown and Rin blanch. Looking over he sees Sella in the kitchen, cleaning a few dishes.

"Good afternoon. I am about finished here, is there anything you n-ah!" She starts to ask before bumping her head on the doorway.

"We're good…though did you get taller?"

"Yes…I thought it would be a boon, but I bump into doorways if I walk without thought…Leysritt doesn't have this issue, fortunate wretch that she is…" Sella says.

"Where is Leysritt?" Kazuma asks before a light groan is heard a floor above.

"Oh, Cu is back…Wonderful." Rin mutters.

"That's not the Hound…" Sella says as another warbling moan is heard.

"…Darkness did get a taste for women…Though I thought Leysritt wasn't that into women aside from you?" Kazuma asks, making Sella's brow twitch.

"…You misunderstand." Sella says as rapid footsteps approach. Leysritt runs into the room, a gag in her mouth, her wrists cuffed, and 2 buttons on her shirt missing.

"Helpf me!" Leysritt shouts in fearful monotone before a lasso encircles her waist.

"I didn't say we were done yet, toy~." Darkness says before pulling Leysritt back.

"Oh my God…You became a dom?!"

"Oh, greetings Kazuma! It's not quite that simple. After that disappointment with lady Fiore, I thought about it and came to a simple, rapturous solution."

"What part of this is simple?" Rin asks with pale cheeks.

"If so few can adequately abuse me, than I shall abuse people until I am overpowered! The thought is amazing! Just imagine! While whipping and mocking someone, an act already proving quite fun, they grab the whip, pull it from my hand and use it against me! It will be the ultimate day dream made real! To have all control and than lose it is the ultimate dream of Crusaders! Why have I never thought of this sooner!?" Darkness says with a bit of drool out the corner of her mouth.

"She'f crafy!" Leysritt shouts, muffled from a gag as she is pulled back upstairs.

"…Isn't Leysritt strong? B rank Servant and all that?" Jeanne asks.

"Darkness is stronger apparently…I think she might be looking at me and Leysritt now…Good thing we can almost buy a house now…Though I am unsure there is a lock strong enough for Darkness…or a door." Illya says with a shiver as more moans and whipping is heard up stairs.

"…Did Leysritt…grow?"

"Yes, she got even curvier…" Sella says with a clenched fist.

"Wait, you can almost buy a place now?"

"Yes, though it won't be just us 3. Mordred and an unsavory, yet oddly nice man named Kairi will be staying with us too. Atalanta and Achilles also contributed some Eris as well despite seeking their own place further away."

"You all got jobs?"

"Yes. Well, not Atalanta officially, but she is getting by as a huntress and beloved figure in the city…she's basically a celebrity at the moment." Sella says.

"She never struck me as that outgoing. How did she become a-"

"I'm back with dinner!" Atalanta says from the door before a bump is heard followed by a muttering. Atalanta enters the room, only slightly shorter than Sella, a bag in her hand, and wearing a robe. Achilles is beside her and carrying a bag as well.

"Oh you bunch are back."

"You got a growth spurt too? Is that why you became beloved?" Kazuma asks.

"No, but it probably lead to more fans after what I did…And 'that'…"

"What happened?"



===A few days ago===

A butcher smiles his practiced expression when the green haired woman enters.

"Hello ma'am, how can I help you this fine day? Is there a particular cut or meat you are looking for?"

"I could use some help, but I would like to barter first."

"Of course, what are you interested in? I have some fresh toad meat, bought in not even an hour ago!"

"Toad…meat? Ah, apologies, I am new. I would like to sell something and learn a bit more about the wildlife in this area. I am from…far away. My name is Atalanta."

"Of course. What do you have to sell ma'am?"

'Excellent, I could easily overcharge her for a spell~.' The butcher thinks before heading outside and paling at the carcass on the cart. Though he has never seen one himself, he knew from the hushed whispers and forlorn faces of adventurers in this city of beginning adventurers that met one what creature lies on this strange foreign woman's cart. The fur color, the fangs…

It is a Rookie Killer.

"Dear Gods…" the butcher mutters, and the woman pales.

"Oh no…is this an endangered creature?"

"I don't think this thing would be endangered Big sis." The green haired man leaning against the cart says.

"…You should go to the adventurer's guild first. They'll pay you more than what I can for this. Gods bless you both for killing this thing."

"I can't take any credit. I just hauled the cart; she killed this on her own." Achilles says, further shocking the butcher.

They eventually go to the guild, and after a minute of shocked silence, hold a party for Atalanta, placing an artists rendition of her with the dead monster, giving her a hefty payment, and begun plans for a statue in her honor.

"I appreciate the warmth, but d-don't you think is a bit much?" Atalanta asks while having a stein of bubbly pressed into her hands and a dish of meat and veggies presented before her.

"How humble of you! But you really don't know anything about this monster?" A blonde receptionist asks.

"None…I saw it tailing a group of people before it turned onto me. It wasn't so much a hunt as self defense."

"Amazing…Have you considered becoming an adventurer? I am certain you can swiftly move onto to mid or high rank quests!"

"I had my fill of adventures already…are these creatures really that bad?" Atlanta asks.

"Yes, the ones in this area primarily hunt people, mainly adventurers. Though there have been reports of them stalking citizens and children who play just outside the walls and-"

"Did you say they hunt children?" Atalanta asks with needle point eyes.

'…Guess I know what we're doing the rest of the week.' Achilles thinks before taking a sip.



===



"It only took 3 days between us to scare or kill off the other Rookie Killers." Atalanta says.

"But they we're gone for a week…~." Illya says with a grin.

"What were you doing for 4-oh." Rin trails off, before looking down and seeing a ring on their fingers. Atalanta glances away before heading to the kitchen to unpack the meat.

"At least they had enough self control not to do that here…" Illya says with an involuntary shudder.

'…Talk about a whirlwind romance…' Jeanne thinks.

'PFFT hahaha! Are you seriously- Gahahaha! Did you forget the last few days?! Hehehe!'

'…Your point is made…So stop laughing.'

'I don't know if I can! Is it possible for me to die from laughter in this state?'

"…They started calling me the 'Goddess of The Hunt, Rookies, and Children'…" Atalanta says from the other room with a sidelong look.

"That…doesn't sound so bad. Sure, you strike me as more as someone that prefers to keeps to themselves, but-".

"It felt kind of sacrilegious to Artemis, but I figured since it's a different world, I will not hold that against them…But I am rather irate after I chanced upon a certain degenerate establishment calling itself a café." Atalanta says with down turned ears, making Kazuma groan.

"You won't believe what they do in that establishment!"

"Lot of people paid for lewd dreams of you?"

"The people pay for lurid dreams of- huh?" Atalanta stares at Kazuma. Achilles also looks flatly at him.

"…I suppose it makes sense you know more about this city than us."

"…I'm not sure how I feel about succubi inhabiting this city…" Jeanne mutters while running a finger along the cross around her neck.

"They're actually pretty relaxed, and I don't purchase the dreams there."

"Not since I traumatized the succubus that one night." Aqua says while still stabbing the now cold meat.

"…We can't leave this city soon enough…" Atalanta says.

'Wonder if I can get a Sieg dream here?' Leticia thinks.

'Why a dream when he is also here?'

'I…don't think I can keep up with him now after that harlot's corruption of him…'

'You can learn. Besides, he didn't seem that opposed to this situation after the photo shoots that one day~.' Jeanne thinks with a smile.

'You don't understand, I wanted to teach, cuddle, and corrupt him!'

'Oh no, he's experienced and good, the horror…~'



====

"Did you grow again?" Chris asks while looking up at Jack, the cloak now hanging barely above her knees.

"Yes big sis Chris."

"Please don't call me that…People will think we are related between our hair color and scarred cheeks."

"It's not our fault the mana in this world lead to a growth spurt! Do you have any idea how hard it is to sneak with this growth spurt? It is getting quite annoying maintaining our balance with these!" Jack says, making Chris look flatly.

'Oh, the horror, to be curvy…Least she is taking it better than Mordred.' Chris thinks before a hand clasps her shoulder. A teary woman looks at her.

"To make sure your little sister grew up healthy and strong while you stunted yourself…truly an inspiration!"

"…Thank you…" Chris says with a sullen expression.



===

"…I still can't believe you're undead." Kairi says.

"Not too loud please…It'll lead to trouble." Wiz says.

"Sorry, just…still amazed. Between that and the cursed stuff in this store, I feel like I am still playing catch up."

"Oh most of these items are not cursed, just horribly made!" Vanir says with a smile.

"That explains why you were so willing to have me set up shop in this corner…" Medea says doing the final stitches on a dress.

"We so desperately need money." Vanir says.

"Vanir, I know that's the case but-"

The door opens.

"Welcome, how can I help- oh Hey Mordred." Kairi says.

"Is that anyway to talk to a customer?"

"You're not a customer, you're broke."

"That's only temporary, and a side issue!"

"Is it the clothes not fitting from your growth spurt?" Medea asks with an even tone.

"No, I haven't grown nearly as much as the homunculi, though they are a bit too snug, but I rather that than whatever you would make for me…the real issue is mirrors…" Mordred says as Medea glowers.

"Mirrors? Oh is it because you now more closely resemble Mo-" Kairi stops when Mordred pulls out her sword.

"Heh, still so sore about your parents, are we? Between that and your gruff manner, I can see why the adventurer's guild and guards are wary of employing you. In fact, I heard you're on their persons of interest list now like a rotten blue Goddess~." Vanir says with a grin, that grows wider when Mordred now points her sword at him.

"P-please, no fighting in the store!" Wiz says.

"Let's take this outside demon~."

"No~." Vanir says with a hand at his mask as he smiles.

"Why not?!"

"Because, young lady-" Vanir says before grabbing the blade swung for his head with ease.

"You enjoy battle, almost as much as the horrible crusader enjoys pain. I will have no place in fueling your joy. Come back when you are feeling anguished, then we can consider-" Vanir groans when Mordred kicks him below the belt. A smile on her face as Vanir gargles in pain. But when she goes to pull the blade back, she finds his grip is still strong.

Then he begins laughing and stands straight up, still holding the blade.

"Did you forget this body is made of earth? I have no crotch for you to mercilessly kick like your mother!"

"Then why did you groan?!"

"To give you a false sense of joy that came crashing down with the revelation reminder! It is rather nice~."

"Then I'll just grind you to dust!"

Vanir laughs, as other grimace.



===



"You're telling me this bell can detect lies?" Karna asks the neatly dressed woman in glasses.

"Yes. I am surprised you have not heard of it. You must truly be from a far away land."

"Indeed I am prosecutor…but this device troubles me."

"Why is that?"

"If such a device is real, and there is still falsehoods and crimes in this world…how can anyone not be saddened Miss Sena?"

"Prosecutor please…" Sena says with an eye twitch before taking a breath.

"That said, your curious ability appears to be real. I never met anyone with such accuracy in discerning lies. I would like to offer you employment as a prosecutor. These bells are few and extraordinarily difficult to create. Having someone like yourself would be an invaluable boon in our efforts."

"A tempting offer, but I have reservations about interfering with the happenings of this land too much…That, and I am unsure when I could start. I am to attend a wedding as the best man later this month."

"The offer will sill be here after that happy day."



===



"So…is there still enough room for everyone?" Reika asks at the dinner table.

"I'm surprised you're here."

"Already went half way around the world with Jack, what's another world?…least the scenery is better." She says as the door opens with a bout of laughter. Kairi, Medea, a scowling Mordred, and the source of the uproarious laughing, Vanir.

"Hey Vanir. Why are you here?" Kazuma asks.

"I am merely escorting a young lady home~." Vanir says, dodging an irate slash that leaves a mark in the wall.

"…Guess Darkness will have to talk to you now." Aqua says, making Mordred pale, and Vanir giggle a moment before looking at both Kazuma.

"Why are there-"

"Servant Kazuma." Medea says.

"…He truly became a heroic spirit?"

"…I'm surprised you didn't grow that much Medi."

"As am I, but I cannot complain…goodness knows enough deviants look at me in my current state." Medea says as the door open again, this time with Jack, Shakespeare, and an absurdly handsome blonde man in a familiar outfit.

"Whoa- I mean… who are you?" Rin asks with a stare that makes Kazuma glance at her.

"I am not surprised you do not recognize me. I barely recognized myself when I first took off the helm." He says before raising a hand creating a small creature of mud. It looks around, locks eyes with Chomusuke, and runs after her, making her run away with a whine.

"Wait, Avicebron?! But you were noted to have lupus!"

"This world has healed that affliction! Now when I take my mask off, I get discounts!" He says before putting the mask back on.

"I still like wearing the mask."

"That's fantastic to hear!" Jeanne says.

"Yeah, glad to hear…though I am curious what do you three do? I heard what the others are doing." Rin asks.

"I am jobless!" Shakespeare says.

"As am I!" Avicebron says.

"We three!" Jack says.

"Weren't you working at a bakery today?" Reika asks.

"We we're fired for snacking."

"Jack."

"We punched a guy that reached for us."

"Oh, that's fine then. To Hell with that bakery!"

"What happened to watching your language?" Servant Kazuma asks.

"I'm sure it's her current state affecting her." Vanir says.

"What do you mean my current state?" Reika asks before sipping tea.

"You're pregnant." Vanir says, and Reika chokes on her tea.

"That's…not funny." Reika coughs out

"I am not joking. My kind celebrates the conception and birth of humans. Even now I can feel the myriad of emotions from your belly." Vanir says and Aqua walks over and places a hand on Reika's head. A moment later she gasps.

"You are pregnant!"

"But how?!" I always use- wait…" Reika trails off before looking at Sieg.

"But I used a morning after pill…"

"Maybe it's Siegfried's heart?" Sieg asks.

"How would that- wait…his heart?"

"Gave it to me, made me healthier…maybe it did the same for my uh…fluids…" Sieg says.

"We get to be a big sister?!" Jack asks with a smile.

'I am really glad we didn't go to far that one night now…' Rin thinks with pale cheeks before looking over and seeing a despondent Jeanne with a tear down her cheek leave the room.

'Did you just hijack the body again Leticia?!' Jeanne asks in their head, now back in spirit form.

Leticia ignores her and goes to the room to wallow.

"…I thought you would have that book published?" Kazuma asks, making Shakespeare scowl.

"The publishers of this world have less taste than swine! They call my latest work based on the grail war drivel! Pure, salacious, ridiculous drivel! I would have made the cretin cry for such disrespect, but the guards we're watching me…!" Shakespeare says with a clenched fist.

"You're on their list?!" Kazuma asks.

"We all are!" Jack, Shakespeare, and Avicebron say at the same time.

'I see what Eris meant by hectic…' They all think at the same time.

Both Kazuma leave with Avalon in hand.

'I have a nagging fear we will lose it overnight, so better to sell it now.'



===

The next morning, Shakespeare, Avicebron, and Megumin are in a clearing in the woods.

"Why do you have me here?"

"I thought a day in nature could help you temper your approach in publication."

"Time outside does sound good right now…and I am sure you're experiment will be interesting."

"I fear you may be disappointed. Most of my first few creations are slow and fall apart as I try to get used to the materials of a new area." Avicebron says as he begins.

"You're last one was pretty close. I'm sure you'll do fine!"

"Thank you Master."

"Just call me Megumin, the war is over."

"…Have you reconsidered my idea?"

"No. You are not creating golems and putting them in dungeons for us to clear as an easy repeatable quest." She says as a figure of earth rises. It is humanoid with blue stones for eyes, a bunch of smaller black stones along it's back to act as a spine.

"But it is steady income, and would erase your debts."

"There is no thrill in using Explosion on easy opponents!" Megumin says, making Avicebron gasp.

The golem meanwhile takes a few slow steps before beginning to walk at a normal pace.

"It's alive." Avicebron says matter of fact.

"I recall you being more ecstatic about the one with me."

"That was my life's work. This is merely a test-"

A groan of earthly dread rings out from its mouth as it begins running away before leaping into the air, now flying away.

"What in the-" Shakespeare starts before flinching along with Megumin at the shout of pure energy from Avicebron.

"This is beyond all expectations! This never happened before! It literally underwent dozens refinements to gain flight without changing its shape! And from fear! No, this isn't fear! This is pure, primal terror, an adrenaline fueled evolution that is beyond what even the divine can do! What cosmological horror lies behind this tree!?" Avicebron shouts while going to the tree the golem was at.

What he sees surprises him.

A teary eyed girl with red eyes and a slightly skimpy outfit.

She runs away while crying loudly.

"…Was that your sister Komekko?" Avicebron asks.

"No, that was Yunyun…"



===

A knock is heard at the door and Achilles opens it.

He slams it shut, runs into the living room, picks up Atalanta, and runs to the back yard.

"Hey, what are you-" Atalanta starts to ask before he whispers one word into her ear.

She stops resisting and happily hops onto his chariot when he summons it.

The knocking resumes, louder now.

Kazuma and Rin, who saw this, hesitate at answering the door.

Kazuma stands up and approaches the door.

He opens it and freezes, cheeks pale as he groans in his mouth.

Artoria almost grins at his reaction.

"Hello scumbag, I-"

He slams it shut, and a punch of a knock is heard.

"This is bad…"

"…Who is it?"

"Will you open this door? I refuse to communicate like this!" Artoria shouts as Kazuma begins locking all the locks.

"Why the Hell are you here?!"

"I am here for a reason, so open the door! If I wanted to kill you, I would just blow the house away!" Artoria shouts.

"So you want to stab me again?! No way! Bite me!"

"If you insist~." Artoria says with a grin.

"You little- Just leave! We have plenty of firepower to destroy you check!" Kazuma shouts before turning to Rin.

"Where are the Servants?" He whispers

"Medea is at her job, Jack is with Chris, Shakespeare, Megumin, and Avicebron are in the woods, Karna is exploring the city, and the two Greeks just left." Rin whispers back

"What about Jeanne and Servant me?"

"…They're with each other…" Rin mutters, and Kazuma pales further as another punch lands on the door, making it warble.

'At least it can't get worse…I can just bluff there is someone here.'

"I heard how your 'firepower' is elsewhere~." Artoria says with a lilt.

'God damn it.'

"And as much as I relish the thought of killing you for everything, that is not why I am here."

"Guards! Guards! Help! There is a crazy person here!"

"Listen to me you jackass! I know we hate each other's guts, but the only reason I am here is to recover my scabbard Avalon. After I get that, I will leave this place and never return!"

Kazuma and Rin both groan.

Artoria hears this and rubs a temple.

"…What did you do with my sheath?"

"We don't have it."

"Liar! Alaya told me you took it after that debacle in Romania!"

"And you believe her!?" Kazuma shouts, despite the sweat down his neck.

"Of course not! But she showed a spectral footage of you taking it, Eris admitted to you taking it after light questioning, and most importantly, I know you would take it out of spite!"

"…We really don't have it." Rin says.

"Why are you repeating that? It's not like there is any benefit to you having it since you would not be able to- Oh dear God…" Artoria mutters with vacant eyes.

"…You degenerates sold it…You sold a Noble Phantasm?!" Artoria shouts while kicking the door.

A moment of silence passes and Artoria kicks the door again, harder, and snapping the hinges off, sword clutched tightly in hand.

"I will-"

"Leave, and never return…dear." Darkness says from the doorway, making Artoria freeze before stepping back.

"Y-you again…why are you-"

"I live here, and you just ruined a perfectly good door…It seems like the king needs a reminder of decorum."

"Degenerate knave! I am not afraid of-" Artoria stops when she snaps a whip while licking her lips.

"…Where did you sell it?" Artoria asks while walking backwards away.

Kazuma gives her directions to the store.

Artoria leaves, keeping Darkness in sight for a few more steps.

"…Thank you Darkness."

"You can thank me by taking on a quest…a dangerous one."

"…Sure." Kazuma says, making Rin and Darkness look at him.

"You never agree so quickly…"

"I could use something more relaxing after this meeting…I'm sure it'll be better in a day…speaking of relaxing…~" Kazuma says when he sees Jeanne and his other half self approach.



===

The evening of that day, a knock is heard at the door. Kazuma and Rin pale.

Servant Kazuma grimaces.

Jeanne cracks a knuckle and smiles as she approaches the door.

"Prepare to meet the Lord…he'll like seeing- Oh…you're not Artoria." She says.

"She's here too? I thought she wasn't being sent over here?" Cu asks as Fergus sighs next to him.

"She was here earlier today…what is with him?"

"He got the debriefing from Eris and has been depressed…I'm kinda hoping a change of scenery will cheer him up." Cu says as Aqua slinks away, blushing and shivering at the same time.

"Why do you think he's welcome here? Besides, I doubt he did anything that would make him sad."

"…You didn't get the briefing?"

"I'm sure that airhead forgot to tell us. I doubt it's anything that important…or is it?" Kazuma asks, dread starting to rise now.

"…Because of Fergus, Romania' population will basically double within the year." Cu starts.

"But…that is a good thing?" Jeanne asks with a head tilt.

"This will send the country into poverty, partly from the increased numbers, but also the exact circumstances…lot of cheating and incest. Romania kept the medieval look out of choice, now it will be that way for a generation but with less food and opportunities." Cu says, making Fergus slump more forward as everyone pales at these words.

Atalanta also beings slinking away.

"Though I'm surprised no one told you about your end of things."

"We didn't do anything though." Rin says.

"The Gardens are still there, as well as a dinosaur's body, which is pulling in a lot of researchers." Cu says, making both Kazuma's frown.

"That's…not bad."

"It's completely screwing with the archeological record, not to mention the sheer confusion at finding a freshly dead dino with sword wounds all over it's insides."

"…Least they didn't find Avalon."

"There's also talk of subjugating Romania and putting it under new rule after the sudden flooding,-" Cu says, making Rin pale.

"The destruction of a historical church also is drawing the eye of the church," Cu continues, making Rin glance to the side.

"And that is before the sudden…influx of homunculi into the population, making the law very difficult to maintain…" Cu says, making Sieg look on with an open mouth.

"…Anything else?"

"There was the destruction of the moon."

"We didn't cause that last one!" Rin shouts.

"…I thought you were reasonable, but you cause just as much damage as us." Megumin says, drawing a twitching eye glare from Rin.

"So why is he here?"

"Alaya wants him back in the Heavens." Cu says, making everyone stare in shock.

"So Eris sent him here, where Alaya's influence is weak so more situations like that won't occur…on that note, I have a favor to ask" Cu says.

"Sure, but no messing with anyone here…especially Aqua."

"She's here~?" Fergus asks with a glint on his eyelid, before his smile fades.

"No…I should refrain from such acts…My sword is not a tool of happiness, but of ruin after all…" Fergus says, making everyone, especially Rin, look on in shock.



===

Later that night there was a horribly loud noise.

The group grimace in their bed, some thinking they hear mad laughter carried on the wind.

===

The next day after a relaxing night, Kazuma and his party, along with Rin, Jeanne, and Servant Kazuma enter the guild. Luna waves them over.

"I…have a special quest for you."

"…What is it?"

"…It'll be faster if we go to the next room." Luna says.

They head upstairs and find a certain blonde knight with two nervous looking guards standing on each side.

"We refuse." Both Kazuma, Jeanne, and Rin say at the same time.

"I'm afraid your refusal is denied." Luna says with a pained smile.

"Unless it is to kill her, we refuse." Kazuma says, making Artoria draw her blade and send the two guards into sweats.

"She needs a party to complete some quests!" Luna says hurriedly.

"I do not need a group, least of all these degenerate miscreants." Artoria says while maintaining a glare.

"And we don't need you! Why the Hell are you still here anyway?!" Rin asks.

"My sheath. I found it in the store but…" Artoria trails off and clenches a fist.

"An argument broke out last night between Miss-"

"Sir." Artoria says quickly.

"…Sir Artoria and the shopkeeper…negotiations failed and she blew up the owner's store." Luna says.

"I'm not surprised. She threatened to blow up my manor last night." Kazuma says, drawing chuckle from Artoria.

"You call that small place a manor? Though I shouldn't be surprised, you have a penchant for giving grand names to the insignificant." Artoria says while placing Excalibur point first in front of her, making a vein appear Kazuma's head.

"I didn't call it that, that was uh…"

"That was me! I dubbed it Excalibur out of spite for a completely different reason!" Megumin says with a smile.

Artoria frowns and looks in sheer disgust at Kazuma.

"…I never expected you to go for children…"

Megumin raises her staff and Rin grabs it.

"Though she is similar to that harlot."

Rin let's the staff go.

Darkness grabs the staff this time.

"P-please, calm down! I understand there is history here and the break up was rough-" Luna says, making a vein appear on Artoria's head as she stares in open mouthed rage.

"-But no one else will join up with her after the incident last night!"

"I'm not surprised…" Darkness says.

"That cad tried to liquefy my sheath right in front of me when I refused to pay his absurd price tag for what was stolen from me! And then, when he failed to even heat the material, he called me a little girl playing at being a knight!"

"…What did he try to charge you?" Kazuma asks.

"A million…Eris I believe was the term?"

"What the Hell?" Kazuma mutters, and Artoria grins.

"Did you only receive a fraction of that sum?"

"200,000…Didn't even pay off all the debt…I am never going to that bastard again."

"At least there is a silver lining in you being scammed~." Artoria says with a smile.

"…How much does she need before she can piss off?"

"We rounded down the cost of the sheath to 500,000, but with the destruction last night, various laws broken, and medical bills for the guards-"

"I gave them fair warning and after the second one it's their fault!" Artoria mutters as Luna continues.

"She has…10 million in debt."

"Pfft, That's hardly anything. She can sleep in a stable and work it off easy." Kazuma says while heading for the door.

"We want her out too…So much so, that every Eris she pays off, we'll pay you 2." Luna says and Kazuma stops with his hand on the door.

Jeanne grabs his shoulder.

"…You cannot seriously be considering this…It's her of all people!"

"We still have some debt left…besides, you don't like the idea of being treated to money she makes while she lives in poverty?"

"…You really are a bad influence~." Jeanne says with a grin.

"Make it 5!" Kazuma says.

"That-!....Fine…" Luna says in a slump.



===



"The quest is to…kill toads?" Artoria asks.

"Yep." Kazuma says, and Artoria raises an eyebrow at seeing Megumin and Aqua shudder, and Darkness smile. Rin and Jeanne are also confused at their reactions.

"There should be some over this way, it's a popular resting spot for them." Kazuma says and a moment later they see the giant toads.

"They're…huge…" Rin says.

"They did say giant toads."

"I didn't think they would be that huge…"

"It did say they caused missing goats."

"I thought it was from disease not from…my God, they could eat a person!" Rin says with a warble.

Artoria walks forward blade in hand.

'…Least they aren't rabbits…or birds…But to be on the safe side from craziness in this world…' She thinks before raising her blade.

"Ex…calibur!" She yells and in a bright wave of light, disintegrates the dozen or so toads in the field.

"I figured she wouldn't be in trouble but still annoying to see. Least we can get a pay-" Kazuma stops when he sees Artoria fall forward onto the ground.

"…What is she doing?"

"Huh, guess that would happen…" Aqua says.

"What would happen?"

"She's a heroic spirit from Earth. Her powers and abilities are influenced by her fame, but in this world, she is unknown. This makes using certain abilities more difficult. Plus there is the whole thing with her sword drawing on the planet's energy, but since she is not on that planet, it is substituting that with her own energy. She's kinda like Megumin now!" Aqua says, paling when Kazuma, Rin, and Jeanne flash toothy smiles.

The smiles only widen when another toad emerges from the ground.

Artoria groans in true despair when she feels the tongue loop around her waist, and effortlessly pull her into the maw of the toad. She grabs onto the lips of the beast, weakly trying to pull herself away.

'First rabbits, then birds, and now toads!' She thinks with a tear in her eye as she feels her grip slip and daylight fades, now smothered in an uncomfortable warmth and stench, the laughter of the 4 audible despite the toad skin and distance.



===



"…Don't you think this is a little much?" Darkness asks as they walk back to Axel.

"No." Jeanne says without hesitation, smiling as Artoria walks faster ahead of them.

'…This is horrible…I cannot wait for this day to end and get my sheathe back.' She thinks before hearing Kazuma giggle.

"You were just thinking you would be done today, didn't you?" Kazuma says.

"I…I'm not?"

"That was a beginner quest, one they give rookies. You think you'll be making millions from that?"

"…There is no way this day can get worse…" Artoria says out loud as her step become more listless before stopping as she passes a gate. She looks at someone behind the wall and sighs.

"…Figures you show up now…"

"Whose over-"

"You have the timing of a true Saber…" Artoria says before a blade swings out and hits her, sending her flying, and becoming a twinkling start in the distance.

With a flourish and pose pointing to the sky, another crazy blonde appears, making Jeanne groan.

"With this, I have accomplished my mission!" Mysterious heroine X says before a rip appears next to her.

"Hitting Artoria wasn't your mission! You were supposed to bring her back or kill her!" Alaya says.

"She's weakened in this world, I doubt she'll survive the fall!"

"You jackass! We had her under control! We we're going to make millions off her!"

"Not on my watch! Even if she is a Saber of the most vile order, slavery is still illegal in the Servant verse!"

"This isn't the-"

"Hold on, I need to take my dose!" MHX says before taking out a pill container and popping two in her mouth.

"…What is that?"

"My anti Saber meds! With this and regular therapy, I won't return to the dark side!"

"How does that even work?"

"It uses magical sugar and enhances something called the self healing process!"

'…I won't tell her that's a placebo effect…' Rin thinks as Mordred steps around the corner carrying a baby crib.

"….Father!?" She says, and MHX turns around with pale cheeks.

"Oh no…the pills are defective! That's Mordred and she's pretty! I'm being tempted by the dark side again! Hurry, get me out of here, I need a fresh prescription before I give in and ask her to call me daddy!" MHX shouts with increasing volume and Alaya teleports her out.

Mordred is standing with a blank expression.

"…What the Hell?"



===



Elsewhere, Achilles and Atalanta are joined by other people as they load a cart.

"Alright, that should be everything and we got a fair bit of room."

"Not quite…" Atalanta says.

Jack comes back carrying a baby crib.

Then Sieg arrives with another baby crib.

Fergus shows up carrying 2.

Achilles, at first smiling mischievously at Atalanta now begins paling as more baby cribs show up.

He is starting to fear for his life as Atalanta smiles at seeing all 10 baby cribs in the moving cart.

Cu Chulainn pats him on the back.

"You're a braver man than most…"

"I'm not sure I'll survive…"

"How would you feel if I told you she wanted 40?"

"Ecstatic as Hell, but also certain I am going to die…and die happily."

"Least your kids will be the safest in this world. You got one Hell of a woman there, as well as a capable, if crazy God mother in Medea." Cu says before wishing him luck and leaving.



===

In Arcanletia, Shirou Emiya and Shirou Amakusa walk down the street, turning down another conversion attempt.

"…This might be one of the pushiest laces I ever visited." Emiya says.

"At least they didn't spit on you when you tried explaining you were part of another faith…Why are we here again?" Amakusa asks with a hand at his head.

"I'm still kind of figuring that out…I know from the briefing that we are supposed to go to somewhere associated with an axel, and stop a potential evil…though I am not sure why MHX went to another place, but after Romania, I am going to leave her alone about her Saber senses…"

"How did you get that from that unorganized presentation?"

"It's…a learning curve. Though why did you become a Counter Guardian?"

"To stab Darnic for eternity…and possibly see Semiramis again."

'Shame my younger self couldn't be more like him.' Emiya thinks with a grin.

"Speaking of Darnic…where is he?"

A few minutes later they find Darnic talking with an older man in a blue uniform and a young blonde nun, both looking at him while considering something.

"…You raise some interesting proposals, but why are you so keen on the extermination of demons? You did say you are from far away."

"Indeed, and though there is little in common from my homeland and these lands, the desire to root out evil is the same…because, though it had a different name and methodology, I too was a follower of Axis!"

The two in blue smile, as Emiya and Amakusa groan.

Amakusa raises a throwing a dagger and takes aim.

Emiya pulls out his bow.



===



Illya finds herself in a bad place.

Cu Chulainn is princess carrying her up stairs.

"W-wait you perverted perpetual motion machine!"

"What for? Are you hungry Sella?"

"I'm not Sella!"

"…You seem oddly emotional Leysritt. Is that a side effect of this world?"

"No, that is lady Illya you are carrying dear Hound." Sella says from the top of the stairs, Leysritt standing next to her.

Cu looks up in shocked silence before looking at Illya.

"Talk about a growth spurt…"

"First time I wish I was still short…"

"…Think of it as an opportunity~." Sella says, making Leysritt, Cu, and Illya look at her.

"W-what do you mean opportunity?"

"Well, back in Fuyuki, our lives were designed to be short so a number of topics were never touched on…but here we are set to live as long as a human so it is time to explore such options."

"Y-you cannot be suggesting…!"

"This is merely one such result of being a brat mistress…~" Sella says with a growing grin as Illya and Leysritt look on in shock.

Then Leysritt grins.

As does Cu.

"I can assure you, there is not a better person for this topic of the birds and bees~." Sella says as they head into a room.



===

Little later, the group returns home, now saddled with Artoria's debt and hearing the concussion practice upstairs.

Fergus is sitting at the dining room table with open eyes while counting on a rosary bead, now wearing a holy man's uniform.

"Lust…shall not drive my actions…" Fergus says, and Rin looks on with blank eyes as a bit of drool trails down the corner of her mouth. She shakes her head wipes saliva off.

"…Least tomorrow will be better." Kazuma says.



===

A few days later at breakfast a familiar rip appears.

"Good morning! I have a request for you!" Alaya says.

"Oh no, the voice of temptation is back…" Fergus says.

"I refuse." Kazuma says.

"That's was just me being polite. You have to accept!"

"And why do I have to accept?" Kazuma asks with crossed arms.

"Because if you don't this world is doomed! It's also your fault this one happened! And before you ask why I am not sending Counter Guardians…well, there is a bit of red tape that I already violated and can't again for some time, most of them are busy elsewhere, one it taking a mental wellness leave, and two are in jail in Arcanletia for killing the other one…Who is also taking a mental wellness leave."

"…How have you not been replaced?" Kazuma asks.

"Don't be silly! I'm not like Aqua, I can't be replaced!"

"How dare you! Wait, why did you have Counter Guardians in my holy city?"

"Well…it was to prevent this scenario from happening, other things happened, and you should know that uh…your people may have had the idea of concentration camps put into them…"

"WHAT?!"

"And I thought Arcanletia couldn't get worse…" Kazuma mutters before continuing.

"So how is exactly is this my fault you shitty unconsciousness?"

"Because you stole Artoria's sheath!"

"You did what?" Mordred asks with needles for eyes.

"Didn't you steal that sword from Artoria's armory?"

"Side point…"

"Regardless, how would that lead to-" Kazuma stops when Alaya takes a deep breath.

"Because that lead to Artoria coming here to get her sheath, failing to get the sheath, MHX using her for homerun practice, which landed her directly at the Demon King's castle and-"

"Oh no…"

"After some talking and revelations that the demons are being prosecuted by the Axis faith-"

"Wait what?" Kazuma asks as Aqua pales.

"She joined their side, subjugated the Crimson Demon village thanks to being immune to most offensive magic of this world and thus enslaving them-"

"She did what?!" Megumin shouts, a voice crack making Rin cover her ears.

"It was after she found out their connection to Kazuma, that one perverted observatory they used to spy on the Demon King's daughter when she bathes or changes, and the fact they have a sword in the stone! After that she convinced the overjoyed Demon King to hand over his crown temporarily until she-"

"Gets her sheath back…" Kazuma says with wide eyes.

"Yep! As well kill all birds and toads, but that's more her personal mission than an official objective! She even anointed a bunch of new generals, summoned a few servants after making some ritual circles, all horrifyingly powerful and-"

"I heard enough…can't you just…unsummon her something?"

"Eris is having a hard time doing that…Artoria's hatred is stopping it…She's also coming to Axel in less than a month…on a side note can Fergus visit?"

"No, the last time I was in the Heavens I doomed a country! I have taken a vow of celibacy!"

"I'll put on cow horns!" Alaya says and Fergus vibrates like a heated up atom until he slaps himself.

"…So you're saying you need someone who is good at fighting King Arthur and destroying kingdoms?" Mordred asks, a smile inching up on her face.

"Think you still got it?" Alaya asks.

"Don't fall for that!" Kazuma says as Mordred grins.

"I wouldn't mind helping destroy her either~." Jeanne says with golden eyes.

"…I suppose this is one way to get out of that debt…" Kazuma says with a grin.