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"Deep into the Thicket" [Worm/Pokemon]

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Anon̦̦, Jan 15, 2015.

  1. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    I'm actually 30, so youth has nothing to do with it, lol.

    And I wish I only had insomnia. I got DSS (Delayed Sleep Syndrom). Think of DSS as insomnia's bigger, meaner, abusive uncle.
     
  2. Silvercrystal

    Silvercrystal That’s no moon! It’s a Moderator! Moderator

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    Damn!!! (Guess I learned about another syndrome/disorder today, and can thankfully say it's not on my list)
     
  3. Anon̦̦

    Anon̦̦ [Verified Cute]

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    I'm adding this part to the last chapter. I think it fit's better at it's end than as the start of a new one, especially since the next part will be another scene.

    2.2+
    Lisa froze and hesitated for a second. It hurt to see her react like that, but I couldn't fault her. I was scared too. Still, I flinched when I felt her hands touching me. I didn't know how to react, especially when not a moment later she gently embraced me and started petting me.

    "Don't worry, everything will be fine" she whispered to me, and the dam finally broke. I cried and mewled as she held me, as much as becoming a Mew had affected me, awaking my psychic abilities had returned me most of my senses. And I cried for all I lost, and for all I gained.

    Lisa stood there, gently petting me until I calmed down. "All better?" she whispered to me. And I couldn't help but nod from the scruff of her neck. "I can't begin to understand what you are experiencing, or why you even decided to stay with me, but as long as you will have me, I will help you." she continued before gently attempting to move me to her arms.

    I refused. Gently poking my claws out -just enough so that she could feel them- I cuddled into her shoulder and mumbled a "Mhuw." ~Do you really mean it?~

    "Of course I mean it, you little rascal." she said just as her thumb slid beneath my paws and made me lose my hold. I tried to weakly resist before Lisa continued. "Look at me Mew, you don't need to hide yourself." It's not that I didn't want to... but my eyes must be puffy, and my coat full of tear and snot... and- "We need to test your powers later, to try to find a limit. But you can't be scared of them, you must learn to accept they are a part of you now."

    I simply stared at Lisa's face, and couldn't see a iota of fear of wariness. It felt... nice.

    ~Doesn't it bothers you?~ I asked.

    "If you wanted to harm me, you would have already done so." Lisa shrugged "Besides, aren't I already yours?" she said in a teasing tone.

    And as she started to clean my coat once more, I knew one thing. Everything was going to be fine.
     
  4. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    And now I need to make an emergency trip to the dentist, thanks for that.:p
     
  5. Anon̦̦

    Anon̦̦ [Verified Cute]

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    Did... did you just got diabetus?
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2015
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  6. Silvercrystal

    Silvercrystal That’s no moon! It’s a Moderator! Moderator

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    No, no no! "It was so sweet, he got cavities" in all his teeth
     
  7. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    *Grabs one of his mother's blood sugar testing strips, tests his blood sugar*

    280! HOLY HELL! You gave me Diabetes!

    *Completely ignores the wrappers from the approx. 2 pounds of chocolate and candy he's eaten today*


    Reality though, I DO have hypoglycemia; so no worries when my blood sugar gets too high, only when it gets too low.
     
  8. Anon̦̦

    Anon̦̦ [Verified Cute]

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    [​IMG]
    Happy Valentine Everyone!
     
  9. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    Oh yea, it's Valentine's day.... That explains my sudden urge to eat massive amounts of chocolate and cry.:D
     
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  10. Anon̦̦

    Anon̦̦ [Verified Cute]

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    2.3

    "Do you feel better now," Lisa said as she gently dried my coat. I simply nodded as she placed me on the bed besides her. She stood up, and proceed to move into her closet. "What do you prefer? A skirt or pants?"

    "Me," ~Pa-~ I almost replied, before stopping and really thinking about. I remember always wearing pants, but now, the pants would probably feel too constraining. "Mew?" ~a Skirt?~ I answered before blinking. ~And why are you picking up clothes?~

    "Don't you remember I told you we were going out?" Lisa stated before coming out. She was wearing a simple set of jeans and a blue blouse. But on her hands there was a long sleeved gray sundress and a pair of mary jane's.

    "Mew," ~Must I?~ I pleaded, trying to use for the first time the legendary "Kitten Eyes" technique.
    >Mew used Baby-Doll Eyes successfully! Lisa's attack has been lowered!
    Lisa actually looked away before replying.

    "No," she simply said. "If you are going out with my body, you will not be doing it naked." she looked back and I could not help but pout. "That much cuteness must be illegal..." Lisa mumbled before regaining her composure "Now transform! If we are lucky we can still get some Ice-cream at the Boardwalk"

    I sighed before transforming into her. The barrage of knowledge and deductions that was common for her form assaulted me immediately. I didn't know that was one of Lisa's favorite dresses before for example. Still, I closed down the stream of information until it became a significant order of magnitude smaller than it was and started dressing.

    "I'm only doing it for the Ice-cream," I grumbled.

    Lisa merely raised an eyebrow not deigning a reply. And just like before, no words were needed for me to grasp her message. Her hands quickly assaulted my scalp to create a ponytail before leaving.

    I sighed before following her out of out of our room.

    "Mew and I are going out," Lisa said as we stepped out of the building, the only reply being a lazy grunt of acknowledgement from Alec.

    The Docks were as ugly as I remembered. The place was simply... dying. The area wasn't kept up. Grass and weeds grew between slats in the sidewalk, the road had potholes you I could easily hide in, and the buildings were all faded, consisting of peeling paint, cracked mortar and rusty metal.

    "As you must have seen last night, the docks aren't exactly the best part of the city." at this, Lisa smiled and waved and greeted a homeless person sitting on an alley we just passed. The man also smiled and waved back. "But they are our home."

    I wondered for a second how she knew the man, and her power granted me the knowledge. She was homeless for a while, living on the run. Stealing to live and surviving on the alleys. She created a rapport with most hobos in the area... I stopped the stream of information before my mind wandered off and gave Lisa a one arm hug.

    She gave a small squeak, before looking me with a puzzled expression. I just ignored it and with a smile I decided, if this place was going to become mine, I would take care of it! For Lisa and for all the nice creepy guys that live here.

    Lisa body language was telling me a "I don't think I want to know what you are thinking, but what the fuck are you thinking." and I replied with a shrug of "Don't worry! It's a surprise."

    I did not expect the facepalm.

    "Let's just go to the Boardwalk, maybe a triple chocolate brownie sundae will help me deal with whatever you are planning."


    We walked, we took a bus, we walked some more. I honestly don't know how I used to deal with it. I really wanted to just leave and fly, but there were still people looking for me, and flying is a big no, no if you don't want to call attention.

    Still, Lisa showed me most of the important places of the city. And what parts where whose territory --which was something I would need to deal with as the gangs practically controlled the city.

    One thing that really surprised me was the boat graveyard. One simply does not appreciate what a bunch of sinked tankers and ships means. It was an enormous wreck of metal and rust. The city had a bleary atmosphere. Brockton Bay was wasting away, It needed change, hope. Something as simple as cleaning the boat graveyard would help it a lot. Yet no one has done it.

    I sighed as some other guy gave us an eye-grope and my powers gave me too much info. (Now I understand why Lisa can't deal with relationships) Before we finally arrived at the Ice-cream shop Pianelli's Gelatos near the boardwalk.

    There were a lot of flavors, and in the end I let Lisa choose something called Rafaello for me. Let me tell you, I never appreciated Ice-Cream before. But now, the generous slivers of almond, coconut, and chocolate chips in a rich, nutty ice cream made me feel like I was in heaven.

    But sadly, the Ice-cream is not unlimited. And as we finished eating, Lisa couldn't help but sigh.

    "I do not know what you are scheming," Lisa then raised her hand to stop my reply "and I'm sure I can't convince you to not do it. But please, take care and don't do anything worse than yesterday night." only stopping to gently pinch her nose she continued. "There is an alley nearby, you can give me my dress and go explore or do whatever cats do."

    I simply said "Ok" worried a little of her acceptance. The fact that she was more worried about collateral damage than about me almost made me worry. As I disrobed and gave her the dress, I looked once more at her.

    What was she planning?

    Not being able to get a clear answer I broke the transformation, and stopped as Lisa hand reached to pet me. She scratched my chin for a few seconds before giving me a kiss in the forehead "Please, take care." she whispered.

    I giggled happily and took flight. The muttering of "Of course he can turn invisible too," reached my ears just as I left the area.

    It was time to give a present to Lisa, she deserved nothing less. it was time to hunt.

    A/N: I absolutely hate this chapter, but I need to continue posting or I will never stop procrastinating. What do you guys think?
     
  11. Garahs

    Garahs Soil Surveyor

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    I think it's time... for a flying boat parade. :D
     
  12. esotericist

    esotericist Getting sticky.

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    It's not as strong as the other ones, but if it helps you get to the stuff you do want to do, it serves a purpose.

    Sometimes you just have to push through. And it's not like it's actually terrible.
     
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  13. Anon̦̦

    Anon̦̦ [Verified Cute]

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    Omakes

     
  14. Anon̦̦

    Anon̦̦ [Verified Cute]

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    Hey QQ! I would love to hear what you think of what I got so far, some feedback, opinions. Anything would be nice!
     
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  15. doomlord9

    doomlord9 Experienced.

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    It's good just not much to it yet. It feels like setup and worldbuilding thus far. Cute but nothing has really happened yet.
     
  16. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    I kinda agree.

    You got a nice man vs self conflict setup with mew dealing with just how powerful he really is (can't wait for Mew vs Simurgh...you MUST have Mew vs Simurgh; also, hopefully Mew doesn't go the Panacea route for THAT dilemma)... but that seems to have just faded into the backdrop for now, and may or may not rear it's head again. It could either have been the one freakout (cat mentality ftw), or something Mew's constantly dealing with (human mind trumps animal instinct).

    As for Mew's parahuman fights.... where he actually knows what he's doing.... There is one key bit of fanfiction wisdom I'd like to share with you when it comes to having an over-powered main character:

    If you make Frodo a Jedi, give Sauron a Death Star.

    Quite simply, Mew can curb-stomp 95% of canon parahumans easily. You're going to need to make at least one original character with a power set that actually poses a problem for Mew (hell, Mew can copy PtV by transforming to Contessa, and beat Contessa herself)... Unless you dig REALLY deep into Worm canon to find a suitable opponent.

    On the plus side, it definitely looks like some conflict is coming next chapter.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2015
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  17. akitsu91

    akitsu91 Out-rageous!

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    Anon, do please not use that stupid saying.
     
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  18. doomlord9

    doomlord9 Experienced.

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    This is a bad saying and leads to retardation more often than not. Being overpowered isn't something a Mew character has to worry about except maybe by Zion, it's his ability to focus and understand that's going to trip him up more than anything.

    He may have a human mind but those cat instincts aren't anything to sneeze at. I fully expect more problems to come about after he does something that looked like it would be fun to do but he didn't think about the consequences too hard.
     
  19. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    You mean like burning down Faultline's club? or 'attacking' the PRT base?

    Also, human, or possibly greater than human, intelligence now that he's awoken to his psychic powers; to temper the cat instincts.
     
  20. Garahs

    Garahs Soil Surveyor

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    Yeah, no. That's pretty bad writing. There's no reason his own power can't create conflict. Look at A Demon Among Devils. The opposition recognizing the potential of mew and responding appropriately to attempt getting him under their command should do enough. Cats do like to toy with their prey, so if Mew does that with Lung, things could get potentially interesting that way.
     
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  21. theBSDude

    theBSDude Space Ace

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    A better "First Rule" (or maybe a zeroth rule) would be "If you give Frodo a lightsaber, you need to give Sauron a reaction to Frodo's lightsaber."
     
  22. doomlord9

    doomlord9 Experienced.

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    This is much better. The villain will react and try to circumvent the crossover element but I greatly dislike seeing shit like Voldemort becoming not only immune to but able to completely invert and attack Harry Potter via the Force when Harry is the only one who can use it and has only used it once or twice against him, making the crossover element more of a hindrance than a benefit for the MC and requiring an all new asspull just to dig the MC out of the 'completely fucked' territory they have been written into.

    Pull shit like that to try and keep things 'even' has made me drop as many stories as awful grammar and spelling has.
     
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  23. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    It's bad writing for the main character to curb-stomp everything, and there's little in Worm that Mew couldn't beat easily... unless this is being written as a joke fic or pure fluff piece, I've seen indications of neither though.
    Never seen a HP/SW fic go quite that route, but it does make sense that voldie could gain knowledge of the force via the horcrux connection to Harry. And in Jedi vs Sith "Love" really can be the power the knows not, lol.

    No saying should ever be taken too literally. The basic idea of "if you make Frodo a Jedi, give Sauron a Death Star" is that your main antagonist needs to actually be a challenge. It could be as simple as a power than negates the protagonists powers to an extent; it could be a power that dwarfs the protagonist; or it could even be something like the protagonist falling deeply in love with the antagonist, thus not be willing to truly win. The point is you need a conflict that doesn't come down to "I used my powers, you lose by default."
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2015
  24. Anon̦̦

    Anon̦̦ [Verified Cute]

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    Thanks you guys for your opinions everyone I really appreciate it.
    By the way, edale -and everyone else- wanting some action Spoiler: Look at the Date
     
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  25. Anon̦̦

    Anon̦̦ [Verified Cute]

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    2.4?

    Parahumans are weird. Every one of them had different rules, different aesthetics, different goals. All of them, Lisa included, have their own issues.

    Even if I'm not a Parahuman, I'm no exception.

    I am Mew.

    And I have a brain to go with it. Mews are not humans, or even cats.

    In much the same way that a feline may be instinctively inclined to pursue their prey and play with it, a Mew will be inclined to do things that we as humans believe to be highly peculiar. Like the instincts to be territorial, of being mischievous, of being curious, of exploring and assimilating new things into Mew's DNA.

    And right now, both my Mew and Human mind wanted something, or rather someones head in a platter. Lisa life has been harsh until now, she is as broken as Rachel or Alec, just in a different way. I will deal with the other's problems later, but Lisa's biggest problem is quite simple right now.

    Coil, Thomas Calvert.

    He recruited her at gunpoint, threatened what was mine.

    And I can't let that stand on my city.

    It should be noted that being a psychic is cool, and useful, and very different from any sensory input that I, as a human have previously experienced. Even dormant, as it was right now, I could feel the emotions of others, the life around me. For the second time on my life, I opened the floodgates of my psychic might, and attempted to break through any self-imposed restrictions from my subconscious humanity.

    I could only see Pink.

    My eyes glowed as fiery pink aura surrounded me for a few seconds. And outburst of thoughts, of alien memories attempted to pierce into my mind. But I reigned it in, I controlled it until my aura became nothing less than a small glowing outline.

    And I felt my whole city. Every single being, from the smallest insects, to the mightiest parahumans.

    There are of course more differences in how you perceive the world as a Mew than as a human, but until now that's been generally down to things like more spatial awareness, whiskers, telekinesis, new reactions to sudden motions and reading minds.

    Now, I could feel the fabrics of time and space, I was able to look at octarine along a bunch of new pretty colors, otherworldly smells and sounds appeared before me, the world opened itself to me in ways I simply could not explain.

    For a second I feared I would become a vegetal, I would become autistic, or something! As the stimuli almost drowned my whole being. But I was not Human. I was Mew.

    This cognitive dissonance would probably haunt me for a long time to come, but as I calmed down, as I started to sort through all these new feelings. My instincts took over and I started to pick them apart. To understand every single one of them at the same time.

    And it became easy. So, so easy to just make a small modification here, a small modification there, and make this whole city my thrall. But I ignored the temptation -this city would become mine willingly- and focused on my goal.

    I surfed through the thoughts of the city, searching for a single man. A mind living two lives.

    It was easy.

    Thomas Calvert was a meticulous man, and he held the philosophy that one couldn't be too paranoid. Every single moment, of every day, was spent anticipating any number of unseen threats from every possible angle.

    In this reality, he had spent the whole night in his underground base, with no less than twenty armed soldiers between himself and the outside world. He was checking up on last night events, and the impact they could have on his plans. He was designing countermeasures, and preparing to talk to my Lisa for said purpose.

    In another reality, he was eating his breakfast in a slightly rundown home in the southwest end of the city. Peacefully enjoying himself away from the stress of being a supervillain.

    I crushed it.

    Another aspect of my new self, means that as a Mew, I'm now suddenly assaulted by the desire to maim things on a regular basis. Mostly, this inclination has been oppressed until now, since it's only really going to appear when given the opportunity and not actively oppressed by my human desires and morality.

    Right now, my sudden willingness to sink my teeth into a living man was as strong as it could get. And I would make him pay. I would make him steam on his own fear, as if basting a turkey, and let him die as he drowns on his broken dreams.

    Coil was already panicking, recalling all his troops to the base, setting up the base self-destruct as a dead man switch, and preparing to contact Faultline, Circus, Uber, Leet and Mush.

    On the other timeline, he was evacuating his base through one of the many emergency exists.

    I crushed it.

    I would instill fear into his very soul, make him an example so that no one would dare to oppose me again.

    I wanted something, and my body reacted.

    I teleported to the entrance of Coil's base and transformed into Darkness itself. My body became humanoid, long black tatters hanged from my shoulders and an old ripped cloak extended from my waist. My legs were immaterial as I eerily phased through the base entrance.

    Coil once more tried to split the timelines, but this time I let it be. I flexed my claws, and he experienced his worst nightmares. They were delicious.

    Eldritch energy started flowing through my being as I felt men approaching my position, armed to the teeth with tinker teach weapons. Coil soldiers opened fire.

    I simply raised an arm, a gold-colored light screen covered my body and the lasers struck. I felt them hit, it was a little painful, but the guns had no visible effect. I let them futilely open fire at me as I unflinchingly continued on my paid.

    Their despair was palpable.

    Just as the men attempted to retreat, I raised one arm, and my void claimed it's first victims. The men fell down, asleep, and started twitching and moaning. Their suffering strengthened me, made me shiver. The fear on the base was becoming tangible, and I enjoyed every single second of it.

    I continued moving until a blast door let me advance no more. Mechanical turrets lowered from the ceiling, gas started pouring from the walls.

    I gathered my will, and let eldritch energies flow through my claws. Beams of dark energy launched themselves and annihilated everything on their way. I did not stop, destroying any -and all- obstacles I encountered. Adding every living being I encountered to the void.

    I arrived to the door that would lead me to Coil, to Thomas Calvert.

    And I rejoiced on the Despair, on the hopelessness he was feeling. Opening the doors, I encountered a lone man. He was unhealthily thin, a white snake that weaved up around the body of his black costume to the head. And he was shaking.

    A wavering tinkertech gun was aimed at me.

    "Who sent you?" he asked.

    I did not bother to reply as my void took him into my realm. His worst nightmares became reality, and I made sure he experienced every single moment of it.


    A/n: Not sure about this update. I did not really wanted to bother with transform unless it was really necessary, but this kind of wrote itself. What do you guys think? Should this go to the Omake Bin, and rewrite it with more Pink Kittens?
     
  26. Garahs

    Garahs Soil Surveyor

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    Hmm, at the least, you should run this through a spell checker.
     
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  27. Anon̦̦

    Anon̦̦ [Verified Cute]

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    Huh. Chrome, Word nor the first online result of spell checkers show anything wrong besides parahuman, eldritch and omake.
    But anything wrong at the moment, I blame on only having one hand and lack of sleep!
    I
    shall seek to seek any errors tomorrow morning.
     
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  28. doomlord9

    doomlord9 Experienced.

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    I have no idea what Mew is like or can do in canon but this did feel good and is something most people would love to do to Coil is given the chance.
     
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  29. Silvercrystal

    Silvercrystal That’s no moon! It’s a Moderator! Moderator

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    The few things I think need correction have ? ? On both sides and a suggested replacment in green
     
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  30. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    Vegetable?
    I agree that the transformation shouldn't be overdone, but I think it adds a nice touch here. Thing is... I see potential here for Mew don that transformation any time he goes anti-hero. Make it look like a completely different, non-existent, parahuman doing that type of thing. Would act as a safety net to protect Lisa the same way a mask protects a normal cape's family, Mew can just kick ass with the mask off as well:D.

    Oh, and I think you just proved my point about Mew curb-stomping even the really hard to kill parahumans.
    Coming up soon should be the casino robbery, if that still happens with Coil out of the picture, though it probably will since it's already planned. After that Lung's targeting of the Undersiders and Taylor's unwitting intervention in that. Lung's another Mew can curb-stomp, even when FULLY transformed. Not sure what you're implying.