How I Saved History (Fate/Grand Order SI)

The fight's... going somewhat poorly. I wince as Cu (Version One: The Spearless Menace) is sent flying back. Cu (Version Two: The Attack of the Spandex) tries to take his place, but he's being beaten back as well, beneath Cu (Version Four: A New headache)'s relentless blows.

They were actually doing all right at first, but then Cu (Version Four: A New Headache) noticed Caster Cu's trick of using his runes to boost his parameters, and copied it. Now, between his natural prowess, runic enhancement, and the fact that he's halfway warp-spasmed, Original Flavor Cu is basically dominating his Servant counterparts. And also completely wrecking Ulster. Cu Three is currently still embedded headfirst in the ground up to his ankles, and the other two aren't looking too hot either.

'Master, what's going on?' Hundred Face sends.

'We ran into the original, non-Servant Cu Chullain ' I send back. ' He reacted poorly.'

'Why?'

'Long story, tell you later. Just keep up the transfer of goods. and tell the others to stay out of this. As long as this stays a fight between four different Cu Chulainns, the Ulstermen won't turn on us.' As I send that off, I suddenly feel something sharp against my throat, as somebody behind me puts me in an arm lock.

"Well." Emer says. "I've been asking about, and everyone said you were the leader of the merchants that the other three came in with. So, Mister Merchant, would you care to explain why there are suddenly four of my husband?" She twists my arm for emphasis.

"I'm sorry," I answer in English. "I can't speak Gaellic." Roman's translation program might let me know what the locals are saying, but it doesn't let me speak with them. So, yeah, I'm probably getting my throat cut today.

She frowns, and then traces a few runes.

"Well," she begins again, in English this time. "I've been asking about, and-"

"I heard you the first time." I interrupt. "I can understand your language, I just can't speak it."

"How does that work?"

"Geasa." I lie. Trying to go into the technical explanation would probably just annoy her. "I didn't know you could cast rune magic."

"Cu taught me." she replies tersely, before twisting my arm again. "And, on the subject of my husband..."

"Okay, yes, I'll tell you!" I scream. "Jesus Christ."

"Who's he?" she asks.

"Carpenter way out east. His work gets really popular over here in a few centuries. As to how I know that..."

---​

"That is easily the most unbelievable story I've ever heard," she comments after I'm done telling her. "But it does sound like exactly the sort of thing my husband would get mixed up in."

"Soooo..." I prompt. I lost feeling in my arm halfway through my story, and I'm kind of attached to my right hand.

"I'll sort this out," she grumbles, letting me go and then walking towards the ongoing fight, which mostly boils down to the now fully Riastraded original Cu Chulainn using his spandex-clad Lancer counterpart as a club in order to bludgeon his Caster counterpart.

I rub my arm in relief before turning my attention as she walks up to the four-way battle (Cu Three managed to mostly dig his way out).

"CU CHULAINN!" she shouts, and every Cu turns his head towards her, looking like a bunch of kids with their hands caught in the cookie jar. "You knock this off right now!"

"But, Emer," Cu Three whines.

"None of that from you, mister." He hangs his head with a whimper. She turns back to Cu Four, who looks remarkably chastised for a hideous, twisted, and warped abomination of inhuman flesh. "And as for you, husband, put that down."

"But Emer," he growls in a voice like knives cutting through Styrofoam, "He-"

"None of that from you. I don't care who started this, I'm ending it." she glares at him until he puts Lancer (Spandex Version) down, already shrinking back down. "Now then. Husband, you're going to let these three go."

"Emer!" he interjects, looking genuinely angry.

"According to their keeper over there, they're versions of you that he summoned to help him fight."

Cu redirects his glare to me, and I damn near shit my pants, before turning back to Emer with all the pitiful, soulful grace of a kicked puppy. "But still, that one got fresh with you!"

"And it was an honest misunderstanding. I'm sure you'd be rather happy to see me too, if we'd been apart for years." He winces at the thought. "There was no harm done, you understand me? So you'll let them carry out their business and leave." He hesitates, before nodding. With her husband squared away, she turns to Caster, who's gingerly rising from the crater his original self beat him into. "Caster, was it?"

"Yes." he mutters, looking down.

"I forgive you." she says, pulling his chin up to make him look her in the eyes. "And I'm proud of you." his ears actually perk up when she says that. "From what that one tells me, you're doing good work. So keep to it, all right? I'm sure that when he gets around to summoning a version of me, she'll feel the same way." And with that said, she turns and leaves. "Husband, we're going home."

"Yes, Emer." Ireland's Greatest Hero dutifully replies, walking along after her. I manfully resist the urge to make the "whipped" gesture.

Once the two of them are gone, I sit down besides Caster, who's grinning like a loon.

"I'm starting to see why you fell for her."

"Yeah." he muses fondly, staring at the corner she disappeared around. "She really was one of a kind."

 

"Who's a good girl? It's you! You're such a good girl!" I coo, ruffling Foxmamo's ears, before sighing. "Okay, yeah, it's not working. You're fluffy and all, but it's just not the same."

She shifts back to her human-ish form and pouts. "But Master, I'm sure I can-"

"Look, I know, you're trying, but..." I think on it for a bit. "It's just not the same. For starters, you're a fox, not a dog, and trust me, the difference is extremely clear. Secondly, you're sapient, and I know you're sapient, and that just makes it weird. Lastly, even if I could forget the first two and pretend you're just a dog, you're not one of my dogs. You can't replace them." She looks crestfallen, so I sigh and throw her a bone. "We can still go through with the whole 'therapy fox' idea. Just because it doesn't work for me doesn't mean it won't work for everyone."

"Alright, Master," she agrees, perking up a bit. "I'll head back to the cafeteria kitchens, now, if you don't need me for anything else!"

"Just make sure to wear your hairnet. Picking hair out of my food is bad enough, I'd really rather not add fur into the mix."

She nods, and then runs off, while I sigh and turn to my self-appointed personal assistant.

"Mash, what's next on the agenda?"

"Summoning, Senpai!" she informs me cheerfully.

"You do know that you don't have to spend your time running around with me, right?" I ask.

"Yes, but I want to spend time with you, Senpai!"

"Well, your time, your choice." I sigh, then think of something. "Is that Fou creature still around? Do you think he's work for the therapy dog idea?" Come to think of it, what happened to the little thing? Did we eat it?

"Oh, he's still around, Senpai!" she informs me brightly. "He doesn't seem to like you or Galahad much, though. He runs away whenever you're around."

Heh. Can't blame him. But, for now, self-loathing can wait. It's summoning time.

---​

"Right. Nine failures, last shot. Marjani! Fire it up!" I raise a hand dramatically. No real reason to, but I am a bit of a ham at heart.

She nods, flipping the appropriate switches and levers as the rings start to spin once more. In front of me, Cu (Lancer Junior), Asterios, and Cursed Arm all stand at the ready.

A figure forms in the light, and as the light clears... oh, no.

"Rejoice, mortals!" Caligula proclaims, posing dramatically. "For a god has seen your workings, and blessed you with his presence!"

Right, pull it together, Charlie. That Imperial Privilege of his could make him the perfect handyman, if you can play him well enough. A shower that's above room temperature is within your reach!

"Emperor Gaius Caesar Augustus Germanicus?" I begin, laying on the flattery. Let's see, how many of those ridiculous cognomens of his can I remember? "Pius? Pater exercituum? Filius castrorum? Truly, we are blessed beyond all reason to have one of your divine stature among us."

Mash and Cu are both giving me looks, but I keep my face straight.

"Truly, you are insightful to know my divine presence at a sight, my Master!" Caligula bellows jovially. "Your wit is as tight and firm as my sister's vagina!"

I- how do you respond to that? How the actual hell do you respond to that?

As I reel from Caligula's attempt at a compliment, he walks past me.

-I mean, Jesus Christ, that's just wrong on so many levels! Who the Hell says something like that? Wait, hold on, is he already gone? Shit.

"Okay!" I call, rousing the others from their worried circle about me. "We need to track him down and get him properly settled in! Marjani-" she's staring at the wall, looking about as shell-shocked as I was. "-page Roman and Da Vinci to warn them, and then take the rest of the day off. Recover from your Caligula overdose. Servants, Mash, with me!"

---​

We've just finished canvassing the second floor (home to the Summoning Chamber) when we hear the explosions and the screaming. I turn to Cursed Arm. "Caligula?"

"Caligula."

"Double time, people!" I take the opportunity to send a quick mental message to my Servants. 'Gaius Caligula has been summoned, and is loose in the facility. Anyone who has eyes on him, feel free to tell me now, because I can already hear explosions.'

'I can see him.' Spartacus sends to me, his mind feeling unusually contemplative, as if he's mulling over some great problem.

'Where is he, and what is he doing?' I send back.

'He is just outside of the base of Erik and I's Occupy the Admin Break Room movement.' Spartacus pauses. 'And he is currently getting beaten to a bloody pulp by Erik.'

"Admin Break Room!" I call to my posse, making a beeline for it.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Erik roars, his voice reverberating through my very bones as I round the corner and look at the bloodbath.

The Viking King and the Roman Emperor both look the worse for the wear. Caligula's covered in axe wounds, and Erik looks just as bad off, his entire body covered in ugly bruises and contusions. But Erik's still standing, powering through his wounds, while Caligula is severely hampered by his own injuries, one of his arms barely able to move. But still, they hammer away at each other, face split into snarling, rabid fury, each caring not one whit for their own survival, only that the other perishes. Caligula is on the defensive now, pushed back as Erik's axe keeps falling, again and again. He tries to strike back, but he can't, his fists no good against an actual weapon, his technique that of a boxer and not a martial artist, all strength and savagery, devoid of the subtlety and skill that let the weak defeat the strong.

"Charlie!" Roman calls over my communicator. "Servants are fighting!"

"I have eyes on them now." I reply coolly. "And the walls they broke through. How are they able to fight, by the way? I thought their mana flow was restricted in Chaldea."

The rest of my posse runs down to join me, but I hold up my hand to restrain them.

Between the two berserkers, I'd pick the one that I could keep under control. Thus far, that seemed to be Erik, and since he was winning, I could probably dispose of Caligula without needing a Command Seal.

"We relaxed the restriction a bit to let your guards in the Summoning Chamber function. We're closing the loophole now!" Roman answers.

I duck my head and lower my voice, so the others won't overhear. "Try to wait until after the fight wraps up? Erik's winning."

"Why?"

"I'm starting to think I can't control Caligula. Erik killing him lets me play it off as something unconnected to me."

"You're a cold bastard, Flynn."

"Flatterer."

Erik's axe descends, his roar of triumphant fury leaving my ears ringing, as he finally gets his opening, his axe cleaving into Caligula's chest and sending the Emperor staggering into the wall behind him, his face a rictus of shock and pain. And then Erik lunges forwards, his axe hacking away at the Emperor until nothing remains but dissolving blood and viscera, roaring all the while.

A minute after the fact, Erik seems to realize that his opponent's dead, blinking, and calming himself.

Good thing, too. He's already punched a hole in three separate walls during his fight with Spartacus, and it was looking like he was going to tack on a fourth to that count.

Roman's gonna be pissed.

I start clapping, and Erik turns to look at me, suddenly looking a lot more panicked than previously.

"Bravo! You really showed all those walls what for!" Erik's panic shifts into guilt, and I turn to Spartacus, who's standing on the sidelines of the fight with a contemplative look on his face. "Hey, Spartacus? Would you mind telling me what the hell started this?" My tone takes on a dangerous edge. "And why you didn't intervene to break it up?"

He turns to look at me, his brow unfurrowing as he evidently sets his conundrum aside. "Erik and I were in the breakroom, valiantly resisting oppression, when the Emperor Gaius Caligula entered."

"And you knew it was him because..."

"He loudly announced his presence, while simultaneously proclaiming himself a god."

"Yeah. Figures. What happened next?"

"I was reluctant to accommodate him, seeing as he was a Roman oppressor, but Erik was more welcoming. He offered Caligula a chair, at which point Caligula said that he would sleep with Erik's wife as thanks." Spartacus frowns. "That was when Erik started screaming bloody murder and trying to kill Caligula."

"And you didn't try to stop this because..."

"I was unsure who was the greater oppressor." Spartacus tells me solemnly. "Certainly, Erik had violently attacked Caligula over his words, repressing his freedom to speech and life, but at the same time, Caligula was a Roman oppressor, who had stated that he would sleep with Erik's wife, with no regard for Erik's wife's personal feelings on the matter. I could not intervene until I had determined who was being oppressed."

I sigh. "Well, I'm proud of you for learning moral relativism, buddy." I turn to Erik, who can't bring himself to look me in the eye. "Erik."

"Yes, Master?"

"You'll be helping to repair the damage you caused."

"Yes, Master."

"And if you ever pull something like this again, I will have you terminated on the spot."

"Understood."

"Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an emergency meeting to attend, and some tempers to soothe." I turn to Mash, who's still frozen, staring at where Caligula was ripped into shreds. "Mash?"

"Yes, Senpai?" she asks in a small voice, not looking at me.

"If you're feeling up to it, could you talk to the various experts and get me some rough estimates of how much time and manpower the repairs will take?" I ask gently. "If not, go talk to Caster at the bar. Take the rest of the day off."

She nods, and heads off, not telling me which of the options she's taking.

As for myself, I square my shoulders and head on up for a very uncomfortable staff meeting.

 

"The damages are going to take about a month to fix." Da Vinci informs us. "And we're going to need to go on another raid to get supplies for repairs. Erik broke some of the piping in the fight, so a solid third of the facility is going to be without running water until we get that fixed."

I keep my back straight and my eyes forwards, not letting the glares I'm getting bring me down.

"Damn." Roman growls. He turns to me. "Charlie, what happened? How did Caligula get loose?"

Okay, no way I'm telling them what actually happened. Lifetime of lying to get out trouble, don't fail me now! Fortunately, I do actually have an excuse ready. "Caligula used his Imperial Privilege to simulate the Charisma skill. By the time I snapped out of it and realized he'd hoodwinked me, he was already gone."

Roman sighs. "Alright. Fair enough. How are you going to keep a repeat from happening?"

I pause, thinking it over. "Best counter for Charisma is someone with a similar or higher rank. We haven't summoned anyone with that skill... I think... so we'll have to bring someone with Mad Enhancement or Mental Interference along as a guard in the Summoning Chamber." I mull it over. "Actually, I think the best bet would be Georgios. His Martyr's Soul skill makes him resilient against any and all forms of mental influence. Plus, he's actually a good Servant for defending me if something goes wrong."

"Right," Tom interrupts. "But the biggest problem isn't just that. It's Erik's freakout. I mean, he just flipped out at the drop of a hat! What are you doing about all the Servants with Mad Enhancement?"

I raise an eyebrow. "You do remember the list, right?"

"Um…"

"The 'Servants to approach with care and keep an eye on' list? The one I handed out a few months back?"

"Well, yes, that's helpful and all, but what are you doing to restrain them? They could just flip out and kill us all at any moment!" he's evidently the minority opinion, but some of the others are looking concerned at the thought.

"Obviously, they can kill us all. They're Servants. Even the weakest of them could kill five of us in the time it takes a normal human to sneeze." I point out deadpan. All of the others are suddenly looking a lot more nervous. "They're working with and for us because our goals align. I can't restrain them without using a Command Seal, and to do so would poison the trust and respect they have for me as their superior, while simultaneously breeding resentment. I have a standing policy of never violating the free will of someone I plan to let live for that exact reason. Beyond even that, using my Command Seals in such a manner would be a show of weakness as a commander." I stare out at the increasingly horrified table of my peers. "That's why I've been terminating certain Servants upon summoning them. If they don't acknowledge my authority, and I can't manipulate them safely, they'll only bring trouble."

"So-" Tom looks like he's going to have a heart attack. "We only run this show because they let us?"

"Like any government or administration, we rule through the consent of the governed. It's just that this time the governed have magic swords and superpowers."

Everyone's still reeling from that one, so I press on. "Erik has continued to acknowledge my authority, and has expressed contrition for his actions, so I've allowed him to live. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to run a general survey of Chaldea's Servants."

I get up and leave. The roster's really grown, lately. I think I'm going to have to make a list of my Servants.

 

From the Effects of Charles Flynn:

Servant List​

Right, I think I have to break this one down by class.

Sabers:​

1. Gilles De Rais*​
2. Julius Caesar*
3. Fergus Mac Roich*
4. Siegfried*

Notes: Gilles checked. Appears fairly moral and self-contained. And Caesar is easily the most helpful Servant I've ever summoned. Fergus is a problem, I won't lie, but he's one I can safely delegate to the Chul Kids. He's their foster-father, they can keep an eye on him. Siegfried, on the other hand, is an absolute delight. He's ridiculously humble, absurdly strong, and basically self-managing. Roman's currently counseling him over what happened with his wife during the Attila Incident, but other than that, he's stable.

Archers:​

1. Touta Tawara*​
2. Arash*​
3. David*
4. Robin Hood*
5. Billy the Kid*
6. Euryale**

Notes: I'm liking the Archer class so far. They seem like reasonable people. Definitely going to be keeping an eye on Euryale after she nearly killed Cu, though.

Lancers:​

1. Vlad the Impaler**​
2. Cu Chulainn (Spandex)*​
3. Cu Chulainn (Young)*​
4. Romulus*​
5. Musashibou Benkei*
6. Houzuin Inshun*
7. Leonidas*
8. Hector*
9. Jaguarman*

Notes: Lancer class is equally self-sufficient. For all his quirks, Romulus is fairly reasonable, and is doing a good job as Roman's handyman/secretary. The Chul Kids are collectively some of the chilliest people I know, so no problems there. The only real problem child is Vlad, who's generally accommodating enough, but I'm still not sure I trust him enough to not keep our regular check-ups going. Benkei and Inshun are both equally self-containing, so at least that's taken care of. Same goes for Leonidas and Hector. Jaguarman, for her part, is a fairly good janitor. Our floors have never been cleaner.

Riders:​

1. Saint George*​
2. Boudica*​
3. Alexander*
4. Ushiwakamaru*
5. Blackbeard**
6. Medusa*

Notes: Generally a class of reasonable folks. I may need to check up on Boudica in order to ensure that she doesn't freak out over Romulus, and also because I enjoy her company, but that's mostly low-priority. -Out of the new arrivals, the only one I really have to keep an eye on is Blackbeard. Medusa is also relatively self-contained, or, at the very least, someone I can delegate to Cu.


Casters:​

1. Medea**​
2. Mozart*​
3. Xuanzang Sanzang*​
4. Shakespeare**​
5. Cu Chulainn*​
6. Paracelsus von Hohenheim
7. Hans Christian Anderson**
8. Geronimo*

Notes: Mozart and Xuanzang are non-issues, really. Shakespeare's Class Two because, well, I'm not really worried about his damage potential, but I should probably keep an eye on the play, and make sure he doesn't piss anybody off by omitting them. And of course, Cu's not really a threat. Hell, he's the closest thing we have to the base's therapist. -Just remembered Paracelsus, but he's working with Da Vinci, and thus probably okay.

Medea Notes: I may be extending the hand of trust to Medea, but I'm not trusting my back to her in the Singularities. As her time with Jason proved, even when she's your ally, she will screw you over. -Confirmed by time in Elizabethan Singularity. Keep an eye on her, and don't ever let her off her leash. Considering termination. Her stint as my teacher has left me with a certain fondness for her, and a slight understanding of her character. She's still a threat, but one unlikely to betray us at the moment.


Assassins:​

1. Hassan-I-Sabbah of the Thousand Faces*​
2. Hassan-I-Sabbah of the Cursed Arm*​
3. Sasaki Kojirou*​
4. Yan Qing*​
5. Mata Hari****
6. Jekyll*
7. Charles Henri-Sanson*
8. Hassan of Serenity*
9. Fuuma Kotarou*

Notes: What does it say about me that the class composed of honorless professional killers is the one I'm most attached to and get along with best? I love these guys. They're absurdly easy to get along with, and have absolutely no pride or morals to make them question my orders! They literally kill whoever I tell them to! It's amazing! Jekyll and Sanson both continue to fit the rational and controlled professionals trend.

Mata Hari Notes: SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE DID.


Berserkers:​

1. Tamamo Cat*​
2. Spartacus**​
3. Asterios*​
4. Erik Bloodaxe**​
5. Atalanta (Half-naked)**
6. Caligula***

Notes: Not much to say, here. They were honestly all already on my radar as our primary risk factor. Visit Tamamo occasionally to keep her happy, and keep up the regular visits with Spartacus and Erik. Atalanta's crazy stripper alternate self is mostly contained, in spite of her earlier displays of instability. She hasn't left Sarah Davis' side in weeks, hyperfocused on protecting Chaldea's unborn inhabitant-to-be. A situation that everyone except Sarah seems happy with. I have Hundred Face keeping an eye on her, but I don't think she'll be a problem.

Caligula Notes: One of these days, I'm going to have to check up on Caligula, end his snipe hunt, and work out some sort of accord with him that can allow for peaceful cohabitation. One of these days.

Shielder:
Sir Galahad/Mash
Notes: Class Zero threat. I might not much like Galahad, but I trust Mash.

Key: *= stable, self-managing **= stable, requires regular interaction ***=status unknown, potentially unstable, locate and interact ****=GIVE ME A REASON, BITCH
Direct observation of and regular interaction with all Servants optimal. Do not screw this up, Charlie.​

 

My list compiled, I set out to check up on the three Servants whose current activities I'm in the dark on.

---​

"He's just been there ever since you summoned him, praying constantly. Hasn't moved a muscle." Georgios tells me quietly, gesturing towards where Gilles de Rais kneels in the pews of the chapel, hands clasped, head bowed, eyes shut. "We've tried talking to him, but he never responds."

"I'll have a go at it." I give him a grin. "Watch my back?"

"Always." he affirms with a solemn nod.

I walk down the aisle, turning to the right-hand row of pews in the small chapel, three rows from the front, where the infamous Bluebeard is crouched, quietly mouthing prayers. "Sir Gilles? May I speak with you?"

His prayers come to a stop, and he raises his head to look at me, dark, haunted eyes peering out from behind a curtain of greasy, unkempt hair. "Master? Do you require my sword arm?"

"No, not at the moment."

"Then I must ask that you leave me to my prayers."

"Very well. But, may I ask what you pray for?" I sit down a couple spaces away from him in the pew.

He remains silent for a long moment, staring fervently at the cross he clasps in his hands.

The moment stretches long, and I begin to get up, but he finally speaks up, still not moving his eyes from the cross. "Forgiveness for my sins. And that my Lord and Savior may see fit to guide St. Jeanne to Chaldea, that I might serve at her side once more. The world... the world feels so empty without her."

I smile, with as much kindness as I can manage. "Then I hope your prayers find their answer soon."

I leave, and Gilles resumes his mumbled chant behind me.

---​

Right. Assassin's next. A quick stop by Roman's office reveals both his name and his work location.

I find him just outside the first junk closet, trying to clean up the stains that the last janitor left behind.

"Okay, what the Hell made these goddamn stains?" I hear him scream in frustration.

"Your predecessor." I answer, and he jumps, before settling down when he recognizes me.

"The last janitor?" he asks. "Goddammit, I hate the guy already. What happened to him anyway?"

"You're looking at him." I point at the black, tar-like stains that coat the floor in this corridor. Yan Qing recoils, and I decide to tell him the story. "Okay, so the last janitor, whose name was Jack, by the way, was a bit forgetful by all accounts. He kept confusing the junk closet for one of his supply closets, and, well, one day a dagger coated in hydra blood fell and stabbed him."

"Hydra blood?" Yan Qing asks, looking queasy.

"Yep. Terrible way to go. We managed to keep him alive long enough for Medea to get here to try and heal him, and she took one look at him and killed him on the spot." I recount. "Said it was a mercy, and I don't disagree with her. He was screaming his lungs out in agony the entire time, at least until the poison dissolved his lungs and he started vomiting black gunk that ate his teeth. After he died, his body just sort of dissolved into the black gunk (which smelled terrible, by the way) and we all just sort of... ran. It dried out, afterwards, and ended up covering the whole corridor." I pause. "Most of us just try and avoid this hallway, nowadays. I can't though, since, y'know, summoning chamber's here and all. So, yeah, thanks for cleaning it up! Now I don't have to walk through my former coworker's corpse every day."

"I quit."

"Wait, no, hold on just a minute!"

He's already walking away.

---​

After thoroughly failing to persuade Yan Qing to retake his position as janitor, I set off in search of Shakespeare. I find him in the cafeteria, interviewing Marjani.

"Ah, a tragedy indeed. Tell me, where were you, when the bombs went off?" he asks. Marjani's looking slightly uncomfortable, so I decide to relieve her.

"Shakespeare! I've been looking for you!" I call. "What've you been up to?"

"Ah, Master!" Shakespeare grins. "I've been collecting accounts, as it were. Putting together an eye-witness history of Chaldea's efforts, so that I can write a play on the subject."

Shakespeare's... writing a new play... about me?

I bound across the cafeteria, coming to a halt besides him.

"Tragedy or comedy?"

"Tragedy, I should think. Although I don't doubt that the ending hangs upon your results."

"I'll try not to be offended at your lack of faith. How are you planning to pare down the cast?"

"And whatever makes you think I'd do such a thing?" he asks, looking at me appraisingly.

"Too many Servants in Chaldea, especially for a theater company. You have to cut some of them out, in order to streamline the play."

He nods. "I see you're not unfamiliar with theater."

"My knowledge isn't the best, but I've seen one or two plays, a solid percentage of which were yours." I stop. "So, do you want a first-hand account of the Singularities?"

He already has his pen and paper out.

As I start to tell my story, I notice that Marjani already took the opportunity to slip away.

 

"To the next Singularity!"

Our glasses (acquired at Rome) clink as the Chul Kids and I share a toast.

"They located it?" Caster asks after the glass clinking is done.

"Yep. It's out on the Atlantic, 1573." I take a sip and then continue. "No idea what's going on there, but I get the feeling it'll be a weird one."

"You bringing any of us along?" asks Spandex Lancer, raring for a fight.

"'fraid not. Nothing personal, but I'd rather stick with my generalists, set up a base and a summoning circle, and then call in the more specialized ones, y'know?" I take another drink. "Of course, with my luck being what it is, and you being, well, you, you'll probably end up seeing some action."

"Now there's something worth drinking to!" Young Lancer cheers.

"Senpai?" Mash asks. "Are you sure you should be drinking the night before you deploy?"

"Probably not. I'll keep it to one drink."

---​

The next morning, I walk into the Rayshift chamber, with a splitting hangover and a burning hatred for everything that is.

"Senpai! Are you all right?"

"Just fine."

"But-"

"Just. Fine."

"Alright." she droops, and I suddenly feel bad for snapping at her.

"Really, it's fine, Mash. Thanks for looking out for me." I grin, and she seems to cheer up slightly.

Then I head up to address my team: Vlad, Xuanzang, Yan Qing, Cursed Arm, Georgios, and Tamamo Cat. "All right, people. You know the drill. We end the Singularity and save history. Now let's get the job done."

Nods all around.

With that said, I look up at Roman, who gives me a nod, and then step into my Rayshift Coffin.

And the light lifts me away, to adventures and atrocities alike.