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How Taylor Hebert Agreed to Be a Slut [Worm/Slut Life]

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Ack, May 24, 2018.

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  1. Zeushobbit

    Zeushobbit I use my mind and yours doesn't matter.

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    Okay, I have to say, this new version lines up a LOT better with the original tone of the story and seems much more in-character and consistent with the opening chapter. I definitely like it a lot more than I did the original version (I read the edited NSFW bit too and the progression of events there made a lot more sense than the original 3.5 version did).

    Thanks for taking the time to do this Ack and I hope all the negative feedback from the last couple days hasn't soured you to writing more of this story because it does have a lot of potential even if it got off to a bit of a rough start.
     
  2. Ack

    Ack (Verified Ratbag) (Unverified Great Old One)

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    I'm more worried that people might be put off by the original, even though I went back and modified it.
     
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  3. CrimsonFate

    CrimsonFate Versed in the lewd.

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    A good thing that can come out of this the fact Taylor image of people are not perfect meaning that heroes are humans too.
     
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  4. Jonakhensu

    Jonakhensu I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    It's definitely better, but it could still be considered cheating if Danny didn't agree to Annette's rules about it only counting with a penis involved. Now, I'm not saying you need to change anything. Other than a few awkward bits left over from before, the section is fine.

    Just keep in mind that Taylor, or Danny, might not agree with Annette's assessment of the situation. This, of course, could lead to more plot, character development, and/or conflict later on.

    Basically, there are two main options I can see at the moment.
    1. Danny and Annette agree that it's only cheering if penis is involved. Taylor can react to this however you want.

    2. Annette and Danny disagree. They may need to reconcile later.

    And the third: never mention it again
     
  5. Ack

    Ack (Verified Ratbag) (Unverified Great Old One)

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    Taylor's going with Option Three at the moment.

    Currently working on Part 4. Taylor is embarking on some self-discovery.
     
  6. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    Changes in 2.5 were easy enough to spot, did anything get changed in chapter 3 with your second rewrite?
     
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  7. Guardian54

    Guardian54 Versed in the lewd.

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    Self-discovery is easy for someone who just finished some mods. Just find a mirror :p

    BTW Ack I looked through your NSFW roster and noticed you never finished "Greg Veder, Conquering Hero"...
     
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  8. Ack

    Ack (Verified Ratbag) (Unverified Great Old One)

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    Nope.
    Funny you should say that. :D

    Yeah, I keep meaning to. :(
     
  9. Thatonesungod

    Thatonesungod Alluring God of Motherhood

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    This feels much better
     
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  10. The Unicorn

    The Unicorn Well worn.

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    Ack while I can see Taylor not getting a lot of the options people have commented on, Annette not talking to Taylor about at least Genetic Cleansing, Easy Pregnancy and Healthy Babies (especially the last two) because If Annette raised the point and Taylor said she isn't planning on having children I expect something like:
    "You might not think you want children now, and I don't want you to have children any time soon but this is the only chance you'll have to to get this".
    Easy pregnancy and Health babies are relatively cheap, she could pay for both of them with corset and spanking (which means at worst a single spanking session and having to wear a corset for a week) and still have an extra point left over, or just corset and give up hair removal, or buttplug (again just for a week and with flexible holes shouldn't be an issue ) again with a spare point.

    The more expensive options like Genetic cleansing, or Timless+hourglass much less Genome modification I can see dismissing because of the expense would require Taylor to take on some stuff she's not ready to do, or accept a longer run, but something as cheap as Easy pregnancy and Health babies, with such serious long term consequence, unless they know for certain that Taylor will be able take a second run at Slut life (if she chooses to do so, given she won't be able to use her mother as an owner the second time) I'd expect Annette to strongly pressure Taylor to take them.

    P.S - Anyone know what the double cross symbol on some of the options indicates? The single cross/dagger means it can be taken multiple times but what does the double cross mean?

    P.P.S - I'm really glad I didn't read the original version of the story I see referenced in the comments.

    You need to read some better history books, there are several reasons Galilleo was put on trial, but despite what you were told in grade school, the church being anti science/technology isn't one of them, because it wasn't at all.

    Bad example, Joan's crime was being unable to kick the English out of France, if she had that power than she'd have been able to kick them out and there wouldn't have been a problem.

    You might want to look at WHO they did that to, hint: it wasn't anyone with power.

    Supernatural abilities no, but perfectly natural super abilities should be well within the range of perfected genome, i.e super strength (4-5 times stronger than the best normal humans can achieve), super speed (2-3 times faster than the best normal humans can achieve), super senses (bat hearing, a dog's sense of smell...actually might want to skip that, IR and UV sight, cat like night vision, etc..) and you can always change your mind since at an absolute minimum you can use it to get physical and neurological traits of various animals, and then cosmetic changes to hide that.
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2018
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  11. Guardian54

    Guardian54 Versed in the lewd.

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    edale this guy reminded me to tell you the story about how Galileo was commissioned by the Pope to write a book... in which the Pope expy character was a baboon. It's pretty understandable for the Pope to be buttmad about that. And besides Catholicism was getting around to accepting heliocentrism at the time already, because there was enough blatant evidence that if they didn't at least tolerate it, there could be more conflicts within the church.

    Wow, you're not as harsh as I was on the subject.

    If I double down a bit from my "hope you enjoy risking deformed children or stillbirths." I reach this level: "Taylor, if you fail to choose this, plot probability would give you a congenitally ill/deformed child (with a brain problem which Panacea wouldn't fix for you, like Tay-Sachs Disease, bonus points if the father had a name including "Sach" or similar somewhere) or just a flat-out stillbirth if fate's feeling generous, after a whole lot of very horrible morning sickness and other complications that fail to kill you specifically so you could suffer. Because 10% is pretty unlikely, but million to one odds are a sure thing in the narrative of sadness that is your life to date. Ah, yes, I see that angry defiance... good, I've just prevented you from taking those choices. Enjoy the risk, and, if it comes to pass through random chance and how narrative probability works for main characters... the regrets of refusing to stay here for a month instead of a week in exchange for immortality, eternal health, and health of offspring."
    Yeah, not fun stuff there. However, Ack talked me around on that subject (Taylor's mental illnesses are dominant) and I rationalized it away too.

    And thanks for the heads-up about the supernatural abilities. I think I can buff my SI Archives characters' abilities a bit more in that light, given the modifications they've been put through...
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2018
  12. The Unicorn

    The Unicorn Well worn.

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    As I mentioned there were a whole bunch of reasons for Galileo's trial, my favorite is that he didn't actually have the evidence to back up his claims, not in his book at least.
     
  13. Ack

    Ack (Verified Ratbag) (Unverified Great Old One)

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    Annette is not going to pressure Taylor to do anything.

    You know why?

    Because this is Taylor's show. She's chosen what she wants, and she's going to get it done in a week, and she's going to get her mother home. That's the absolute be-all and end-all of the current run.

    After that, if she feels like it, she may have a second run.

    All this talk about "oh, you should've taken Genetic Cleansing, or Immortality, or Easy Pregnancy" ... just quit it already.

    Taylor is fifteen, ffs. She's going to be done in a week. After that, if she wants to get any of those, she can, and she will.

    If you want a story where she took all those over and above getting her mom home safe and sound, and also acquiring powers and training for her superhero career ... you know what I always say.

    WRITE IT YOURSELF.
     
  14. The Unicorn

    The Unicorn Well worn.

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    That makes perfect sense...except that in chapter two you have the line:
    so at that point at least the characters believed this was Taylor's only chance to get these abilities, if you had even just a line or two about Taylor being able to take a second run then their actions would make sense.

    Also, she obviously has additional goals in the current run beyond getting her mother home, otherwise she'd have just taken the minimum needed to get the teleporter and not worried about anything else.
     
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  15. Guardian54

    Guardian54 Versed in the lewd.

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    I agree with you getting fed up with the complainers.

    I already decided to shrug and accept that somewhere at the bottom of the contract there's a "former participants are always welcome back" line (which Annette just didn't see, explaining her line with Imperfect Information... which then opens up the exact problem he pointed out, but I figure Annette learnt of that line later before she could remind Taylor of the PROBLEM). I just decided to chime in to The Unicorn's comment by going "wow, you're a lot less vicious than I".

    Perhaps Annette read further and saw the "you are welcome to come back at any time" line before she could call Taylor out on the decision making failures, after this one call-out she did?
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2018
  16. Ack

    Ack (Verified Ratbag) (Unverified Great Old One)

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    Taylor has priorities.

    Getting her mother home in a week is the top one.

    Not being forced to have sex is the next top.

    Getting training to be a hero, plus a whole extra set of powers, is up there too.

    Saving Earth Bet comes right after that.

    She's not planning for anything longer-term than that right at this second.

    Not living forever, not having kids, not anything.


    I'm not changing the contract.

    So do me a favour and STFU about it. Or write your own story. Either one works for me.

    Capisce?
     
  17. Guardian54

    Guardian54 Versed in the lewd.

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    Ack, you might want to take a break.
    The last week has surely been trying with catering to a horde of howling baboons the discussion and rewriting. And the stress is showing.
    Because you could have ended the comment after this line...

    ...And that would have been more than clear enough.

    I was one of the guys loudest about Taylor's myopia, like him, but I agreed that it was in-character and reasonable after your reasoning with me (which he probably didn't, and really should, read).
    So I was working on explaining the issue away to him as I thought we'd already pushed you too much. Can we see what he says to my suggestion regarding Annette's reading speed (or similar mechanism) first?

    I would like to suggest to you that you take a break so that you can return to your usual approach, which seems to me to be "let my defenders do their work, then support their best ideas, or if the defenders are firmly overcome with reasoning, debate, and/or sheer numbers, THEN consider changing something (like the last rewrite)."
    That's a very efficient approach... though it sometimes goes awry if the defender block is large enough (e.g. A Cloudy Path)
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2018
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  18. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    Guardian... There's a reason I'm always calling you out on your posting habits. Frankly, I'm amazing Jonakhensu is as patient with you as he is in his thread.

    Your constant use of strawmen, hyperbole, and aggressive language, and repeating the same things over and over comes off at attacks (sometimes as personal attacks), and no one really finds it amusing. And when people perceive that they're being attacked... They attack back.

    Ack does make a very good point, since you obviously have so much to say about the SL universe, why not try your hand at expressing those points in a constructive manner by writing your own SL fic? Or at least some omakes. Try and make your points through a story, rather than a rant.
     
  19. Guardian54

    Guardian54 Versed in the lewd.

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    You are one of Jonakhensu's most stalwart defenders, he uses the exact doctrine I described, and generally doesn't bother dealing with anyone who gets too heated. Which is a very good doctrine.

    Ack comes across as just really tired after this last week of hulabaloo and snapping at the guy for bringing up a point he answered to others already and which very few people had issues with (something brought up multiple times by a LOT of people would be another concept, see A Cloudy Path for details). He's not usually so blunt so I hypothesized that he might want to take the weekend off or something.

    And I'm not saying so much about the SL universe lately (i.e. past 24 hours) so much as fending off The Unicorn's retreading ground I've already been over.
     
  20. The Unicorn

    The Unicorn Well worn.

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    She's a teenager, I wouldn't expect her to have anything long term.

    Not asking you to, but I think it would be better if you had the characters indicate their views of Slut life changed. As I said a line or two about it would be plenty to show their view changed from "this is your only chance" to "anything long term you can get next time"

    Not sure whose posts you're reading instead of mine and I'm sorry they pissed you off so much, but I never asked you to change the contract.
     
  21. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    Could you please stop referencing ACP every other post? We get it, you don't like how the events in that thread went down.

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but that happened a YEAR ago, get over it; worse has happened in other threads. Every argument in every thread you participate in does not need another ACP reference.
     
  22. Ack

    Ack (Verified Ratbag) (Unverified Great Old One)

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    Yes, characters can change their minds. I've done all the retcons to the last two chapters I'm gonna be doing, but I'm not ruling out subsequent changes of mind.

    However, that's not happening until the next chapter. Which is well on the way to being finished.

    Now, enough with the "she should have said/done this". I'm writing this fic, and I'm saying she didn't say or do it in the parts I've already posted.

    If you want a story where she says or does something different ....

    you know what? I'm not even gonna say it.
     
  23. Ack

    Ack (Verified Ratbag) (Unverified Great Old One)

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    Latest chapter is up here
     
  24. Ack

    Ack (Verified Ratbag) (Unverified Great Old One)

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    Okay, just so everyone knows:

    I'll be posting all chapters in the NSFW thread for this story. SFW chapters will still be posted in this thread, with links to the other thread.
     
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  25. zxzrc

    zxzrc Getting some practice in, huh?

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    I only started reading this yesterday after the rewrite(s). Spent some time going "this is really good, what is everybody getting upset about?"

    Oh.

    Ohhhh.

    Well, anyway, thanks for that post, now I don't have to wonder.
     
  26. edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    And in the NSFW chapter 3.5 (before its rewrite to 2.5) we found out Annette was the one who planned the whole thing because she wanted a gangbang before her hormones got fixed.

    Yea, there was public outcry for a reason. The problems were Legion, for they were many.

    Thankfully Ack did the rewrite and made everything better.

    Though I think it would have been interesting to see a version where the contract swap happened, and Gareth was behind it, and Arbor actually took the case seriously. Would have been a nice chance to see how SL should handle contract interference and subversion of free will at that level.
     
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  27. Extras: The Contract is All
    edale

    edale Versed in the lewd.

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    Yea, so I put my money where my mouth was.

    ------

    "Gareth," Arbor said gravely, "You've been accused of altering a Contestant's Contract against their will. And I find enough evidence to support their claims."

    Gareth gulped audibly.

    Arbor continued with an almost bored tone, "You now have 2 choices. You can either A, admit guilt and accept punishment by signing on as a Slut Life contestant at 'Slave to the Show' difficulty and a neutral (none) background modifier."

    Gareth paled visibly.

    Arbor began to smile evilly as he continued in a much more serious voice, "Or B, You can profess your innocence. Should you do this, you will be temporarily confined to quarters while a full investigation is run. Should no evidence be found, you will be reinstated to your job, and reparations made for your lost time, coming out of the accusing Contestant's prize allotment. However, should enough evidence be found to warrant it, you will then be handed over to the police, and have a public trial. Should you be found guilty, you will be forced into a Slut Life contract at 'Anon Must Die' difficulty, with a 'Criminal' background modifier, and I'll make damned sure the judge sees fit to include some of the choices you placed on Ms Hebert's Contract onto yours; Tyrone does gets so few Contestants to play with after all."

    Arbor decided to add at the end, glancing at the shell-shocked looking Taylor, "Either way, Ms Hebert's altered contract will be invalidated, and she will be allowed to sign her original, unaltered, contract. I'm also authorising a +20 credit to be added to her contract, as an apology from Slut Life Corp for the disgustingly aberrant behavior of one of our employees in this matter."

    ---

    I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing... Someone in power was actually taking my side.

    Sure Arbor didn't believe me at first, but with Tori, mom, and I all claiming the same thing... He humored us and started checking records and digging for evidence, though obviously not expecting to find anything.

    My heart sank when the laptop's cache showed the altered contract.

    Then when he saw the version of the contract I signed while we were in the baths, his whole demeanor changed. I saw pure rage in his eyes before he quickly covered it up, and started digging for evidence with fervor.

    Then he noted that he found it odd that Gareth was there to take me away so quickly after the contract was signed, while looking directly at me, almost like he wanted something from me.

    "Wait... Are you saying it was Gareth who altered my contract?!" I had blurted out.

    And then he smiled wider, with a bit of humor in his eyes, and asked, "Ms. Hebert, are you accusing Gareth here of altering your contract against your will?"

    I took a second to process what was happening before I responded, "Yes. I'm saying Gareth altered my contract against my will."

    And that's when I saw Mr. Arbor tear into Gareth with a vengeance. I gotta admit, the bit about having those options applied to the guy that tried to apply them to me... Had a certain amount of appeal... and I was gonna be able to do things with that extra 20 credits!

    ---

    As we were leaving Mr Arbor's office to go over my contract again, after watching Gareth taken away by the guards to fill out his 'Slave to the Show' contract, Mr Arbor called to me.

    "Ms Hebert... Taylor, I know you likely don't have the best impression of me after our first meeting, but understand this, at Slut Life consent is sacrosanct. We may put people through things they don't like, or find unpleasant, but they always agree to it ahead of time in their Contracts.

    "What Gareth tried to do to you goes against everything we stand for here at Slut Life, and I'd like to personally apologize to you that you had to go through it."

    ------

    Because fucking with The Contract is bad.
     
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  28. Wolfboy

    Wolfboy I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Sure did, honestly I could have supported this while heatedly, good job.
     
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  29. Ack

    Ack (Verified Ratbag) (Unverified Great Old One)

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