Excerpt from a YouTube video by channel name (MrRobot), uploaded October 2, 2021:
Interviewee: "Jugashvili, was a great man. He wouldn't have shot your grandfather without a reason."
Interviewer: "So… you're saying he probably deserved it?"
Interviewee: Nods silently.
Cue Dior's Polozhenie (Remix) over archival footage: Field Marshall Mikheil Jugashvili alongside General Tukachevsky reviewing troops from the Revolutionary guard corps in Spain, 1937. The camera lingers on his sharp profile, the crowd of officers behind him. The footage then cuts to Jugashvili raising his pistol at a Spanish anarchist. The clip halts just before the shot.
Across the screen in stark white text once the music starts:
Sigma Tip #2848383993: Your grandpa deserved it.
-----------------------
October 15, 1918
Tampere
Finnish Socialist Workers' Republic
I smoked a cigarette while the last batch of Finnish prisoners were herded into the town square. Rows of them, ragged uniforms hanging loose, mud and blood caked on their faces. They looked like laundry someone had forgotten in the rain for a week. The fighting here had been brutal—grenades down stairwells, bayonets in the dark, buildings collapsing like badly stacked Jenga towers. I'd nearly died three times in the span of a morning the day before, and yet, here I was. Still alive. Much to my disappointment. At least the battle was over as of today. Now it was mopping up.
The priests were doing their usual bit—muttering last rites over the condemned, mumbling in a way that made me wonder if even they were tired of the routine. The prisoners cried, begged, screamed. The whole melodrama. It was less "brave last stand" and more "bad opera."
Do I feel bad? Of course I do. I'm not a robot. I've got grief, guilt, and a whole therapy session's worth of unresolved trauma rattling around in my skull. But here's the thing: sympathy doesn't win wars. Fear does. Reputation does. Every time some poor bastard whispers, "Jugashvili will make you kill your friends if you resist," that's one more town, one more unit that surrenders without me having to waste bullets. The more feared my name becomes, the quicker this war ends. And the quicker my standing with the Central Committee gets patched up. Call it efficiency through atrocity.
Yezhov stood at my right. Little Nicky. Charming lad, if your idea of charming is a dwarf with dark circles under his eyes and the personality of damp cardboard. Barely five feet tall, but sharp, eager, and useful. In a strange way, he reminded me of my brother Gerry back in my other life—same dark brown hair, same permanent expression of "ohh god what the fuck is going on." But most importantly I owed him. He'd saved my life at Toijala. Not that I wanted to live, but debts are debts.
And as I've heard in my old life: a Lannister always pays his debts. I may not be a Lannister, but I sure as hell play the part to an extent—less opulence, more casual war crimes.
To my left stood Matti, my ever-patient Finnish translator. Poor bastard looked hollow, eyes vacant, like a man who's seen one too many gamer moments. And by gamer moments, I mean the atrocities I inflicted. Same thing, really.
"It's time," I told him. "Announce the usual: anyone with second thoughts about dying can shuffle over to the other side. Otherwise, let the killing begin."
Matti nodded, his delivery as solemn as a priest announcing communion. The prisoners listened. Some wept, muttering what I assumed was "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" in Finnish. They crossed over to the "survivor" line, knowing full well they'd be ordered to beat their old comrades to death with whatever tools I'd laid out for them. Loyalty is optional; survival is compulsory.
Once the lines were drawn, I stepped forward. "Begin!" I barked in clumsy Finnish.
Silence. The men picked up the rocks, clubs, kitchen knives, but their arms hesitated. They stared at their former comrades, trembling. Pathetic.
So I picked the nearest one, raised my pistol, and shot him in the chest. He dropped like a sack of flour. "I said begin," I growled, smoke curling from the barrel.
And then it began. Like clockwork. Like rats clawing at each other in a flooded cellar. Men turned on their brothers, smashing skulls with rocks, stabbing with knives, sobbing and screaming as they did it. Betrayal, hysteria, desperation—it was the Eclipse from Berserk, only without the demons, the tentacles, or the sexual assault subplot. Just pure, uncut human tragedy.
Minutes passed, though it felt like hours. By the time it ended, the condemned lay broken and silent on the cobblestones. The survivors stood gasping, blood splattered across their faces, knuckles raw and trembling.
"Bury them yourselves," I ordered. "Then you'll be shipped off to Helsinki. Factories need bodies, and corpses don't make boots."
Matti relayed my words. The men shuffled into motion, shovels scraping as they began digging their comrades' graves. I flicked my cigarette to the ground, grinding it under my boot.
I glanced at Yezhov. He just stood there, small and stiff, watching. His face was unreadable: disgust, awe, terror, maybe all three. Did it matter? Not really. What mattered was that he survived, that he stayed loyal. That was enough.
"Come on, Yezhov," I said, clapping him on the shoulder. "Lunch is probably ready. And this civil war isn't going to wait for us."
I walked off, leaving behind the priests, the corpses, the weeping men, and the graves they were digging. Another day, another atrocity. All in a day's work.
We trudged back to the camp we'd set up in the center of town. Fires burned low in the ruins, smoke curling into the night sky, but inside the square there was a strange calm. Time to eat. Everyone sat together—officers, grunts, Czechs, Finns, even the half-feral dragoons who smelled like horse shit and cheap vodka. Unprofessional? Sure. But I wasn't leading the US Marines, let alone Space Marines. These were the Revolutionary Guard Corps—well, technically the Red Army now that central committee had done its bureaucratic paperwork after my gamer moment in Murmask. But they were still mine, and cohesion was worth more than a shiny officer's mess.
We sat around one of the kettles the cooks had cobbled together out of looted cauldrons. Bowls and spoons were piled in a crate nearby. The ritual was simple: pick up a bowl, swill it out with vodka, wipe it with your sleeve, pretend it was clean. Better than letting Spanish flu sneak in and wipe out my whole army. Spanish flu wasn't COVID; no Zoom calls, no ventilators, no "two weeks to flatten the curve." Here it was "two days to bury half the battalion."
Masks were mandatory even while sleeping, except when you were eating. So here they were, bowls in hand, masks dangling from their necks, faces lit by firelight, chewing like starved wolves. The men who weren't eating kept their masks on, because the flu didn't give a damn about your appetite.
When my turn came, I held out my empty bowl. The cook looked up, startled, eyes going wide like he'd just been visited by Christ himself. "Holy shit, it's him" written all over his face. I motioned with my hand. Pour the soup. He obeyed quickly—borscht, if you could call it that. Red broth, floating chunks of "mystery meat," which might've been pig, cow, horse, or whatever was left lying around after the battle. I'd seen dead dogs in the street earlier. Who knew?
He ladled me two servings, same as everyone else, and shoved a hunk of stale bread on top. No officer's portion, no gold-trimmed china. Just the same as the men. Yezhov shuffled up behind me and got the same. We sat together on the cobblestones.
Another display. The general eats what you eat. The general wears the same piss-soaked mask. How can you complain about following orders? Optics. Always optics.
Of course, it was a double-edged sword. The men loved me, yes—but if I caught a bullet in the skull tomorrow, the whole circus might collapse. Lenin and the Central Committee would sigh, mark me down as "tragically killed in battle," and move on. Joe—Stalin, my own twin brother—would probably keep my kids safe out of some warped family loyalty. I trusted him in that way. Trusted Stalin. God help me.
But right now none of that mattered. What mattered was the stew in my hands. I dug in, spoon scraping metal, red broth dripping down my chin. The taste? Mid at best. The bread was hard enough to qualify as body armor. The meat was chewy, indistinguishable—chicken, beef, lamb, or maybe one of those dead animals rotting in the street. Who knew. Who cared.
What I wouldn't give for McDonald's. A Big Mac, chicken McNuggets, fries drowned in salt. A Coke with actual ice cubes. Now that was a meal fit for a king. Here, the best I could do was "borscht with possible horse meat." I just needed to survive this war, let Joe seize power, and then use my leverage to stop the whole Soviet project from turning into a flaming garbage heap.
Joe. Stalin. My twin. Christ, when I realized who he really was, I nearly had a heart attack. At first, I'd thought the revolution would be my cash-out opportunity. Sell some guns, use Joe's connections in the party, make bank while Russia collapsed, then vanish to America with a fat wallet. But no. Once I realized I was Stalin's brother, I knew there was no escape. If the White émigrés found out, they'd kill me. If Joe found out I was plotting to leave, he'd send assassin's to kill me. Options: zero. So I decided to make my cage as comfortable as possible. If I had to be a prisoner of history, then it would be a golden cage.
As I ate, my thoughts drifted to Kato, my daughter. She looked so much like Joe's first wife—same sharp eyes, same soft features. I could see it every time he glanced at her: confusion, sadness, maybe even a flicker of happiness. If she married Yakov, I joked to Joe, it would tie our families together. Half a joke, half a survival plan. I made it clear to Kato early on—no boys, ever, except brothers, uncles, or Yakov. I even had them sleep in the same bed once she turned five. Amoral? Absolutely. But better Yakov's wife than everyone in my family, including her, rotting in the Gulag. At least they were close in age: she was eight, he was eleven. Three years. Manageable. I had limits. I wasn't going to throw her at some drunk Party secretary twenty years her senior. I wasn't that far gone.
I spooned another mouthful of "borscht" into my mouth, chewed, swallowed, and washed it down with vodka. It burned my throat, but at least it killed germs.
I kept eating, spoon clinking against the metal bowl, pretending to savor the flood of flavor that wasn't there. The broth was tepid, thin, the kind of borscht that made you wonder if a cabbage had even been invited to the pot or if the cook had simply whispered the word "vegetable" over boiling water. Still, I forced it down and, like an idiot, found myself thinking about Aleksandra.
Aleksandra's hot borscht. Aleksandra's khachapuri, warm cheese spilling onto bread like sunlight through a window. The way her hair smelled in the morning. The way her skin glowed when I returned from patrol back when I was a cop in Petrograd. And yes—the warmth between her legs when we made love, a warmth now replaced by this drafty hellscape where the only thing between my legs was frostbite and regret.
For a moment—just a flicker—the empty cavity where my heart used to be fluttered. That was all it could manage. Nothing more. I didn't cry anymore. Thank God. Crying distracted you, and in war distraction was a bullet to the head. Or worse—a cough that turned into a fever that turned into a shallow grave by the roadside.
I chewed the last of the mystery meat, swallowed, and wiped my mouth on my sleeve. That's when I heard boots crunching against the cobblestones. Footsteps. Too many to be casual. I turned, bowl still in my lap.
Balitsky. Him and his commissars, strutting towards me with that mix of pride and suspicion commissars all seem to cultivate, like they've just caught you with contraband pornography and can't wait to write the report. His men trailed behind him, looking dour, as if standing near me might infect them with moral corruption. Which, to be fair, it probably would.
"Commissar," I said, forcing my voice into something polite as I tipped the bowl to drain the last of the broth. "Glad to see you survived the battle." A bald-faced lie, but better than antagonizing him. Balitsky and I didn't like each other. Never had. But we understood one another. He knew I fought, slept, and ate with the men. He knew I didn't hide behind Party slogans while sending kids to die. And I knew he was here to make sure nobody deserted, nobody broke ranks, nobody got any funny ideas about politics. Professional respect, as they say.
Besides, he wasn't just a desk-bound bastard. I'd seen him pick up a rifle and fire into the chaos, hat askew, eyes wide. Desperation, yes. But also commitment. And that bought him a sliver of my respect. Just a sliver.
"General," he said, voice clipped.
"Commissar," I echoed, bracing myself.
"News has arrived."
The way he said it made my stomach tighten. Not battlefield news. Something bigger.
"What sort?" I asked, wiping my mouth and pulling my mask back up. Always the mask. Spanish flu didn't give a damn about good timing.
"The war is over."
I blinked. "What, Mannerheim surrendered? Vaasa's ours?"
Balitsky shook his head, frustration etched on his face like someone had stolen his last cigarette. "Not here. The war. The Great War. Europe. It ended eight days ago. Germany lost."
I stood slowly, my joints popping, the gears in my head beginning to turn. Germany lost. I let the words roll around in my skull like dice. "Germany lost." I repeated it out loud, savoring it the way one savors bad news you've been expecting. Then it hit me, and I sighed.
"Shit."
Balitsky cocked an eyebrow.
"It means the British are next," I muttered. "Payback for Murmansk, for scuttling their ships, for stealing their guns. They'll come for me. For us."
Balitsky nodded, and I swear I caught the faintest curl of a self-satisfied smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Commissars always loved it when bad news favored their arguments. The worse the world got, the more necessary they seemed.
"Get my staff together," I said, my voice hardening. "Mayor's office. Now. We need to plan the rest of the campaign."
Balitsky saluted with all the stiffness of a man signing your death warrant. His men followed him out.
I turned back to my empty bowl. Germany had fallen. The world had shifted. And me? I was about to be the next course on Britain's dinner plate.
I left Yezhov behind to finish his soup, the little goblin hunching over his bowl like it contained the secrets of the universe. Poor bastard had no idea that if the flu didn't kill him, the Whites probably would. Or me, if he annoyed me enough.
I made my way to the mayor's office, boots crunching against the damp cobblestones, only to find myself intercepted at the door by someone I was too close with.
"Comrade," she said in mangled Russian.
Helena Aalto. Twenty years old. A Finnish Red Guard from Turku who had the unfortunate combination of stubborn lungs and bad luck. I'd first stumbled across her in Hämeenlinna, half-dead, riddled with shrapnel, surrounded by the butchered remains of her women's detachment. They'd been mowed down by a White machine-gun nest, their bodies chewed apart like meat in a grinder.
Naturally, I ordered the survivors dragged off for treatment. Even I wasn't heartless enough to let girls bleed out in the mud. I even helped lift her into the carriage myself—me, a general of the Red Army, war criminal extraordinaire, loading broken bodies like a glorified ambulance driver. And wouldn't you know it, she was awake enough to remember.
So now, months later, here I was: a 39-year-old general / widower / full-time war criminal saddled with a fan-girl who looked at me like I was some tragic hero instead of the bastard who made prisoners kill each other with rocks.
And to my eternal shame, I'd slept with her. It started after the September push north, once the Finnish People's Army spat out its first batch of graduates. The men were already passing around prostitutes like they were sharing vodka glasses, and the Czechoslovaks weren't exactly picky either. I wasn't about to roll the dice on catching an STD that would kill me slower than a bullet, so when Helena started hanging around camp, all doe eyes and gratitude, well… you can guess the rest.
She was cute, I'll give her that. Good cheekbones. Brunette hair. Lovely pair of tits. The kind of girl you'd swipe right on Tinder without thinking twice. And lying naked next to her in a tent after a battle, blood still drying on my hands, actually made me feel… whole again. I could close my eyes and pretend Aleksandra hadn't been gunned down. Pretend I still had a wife, a life. Sometimes I even whispered Aleksandra's name when I finished inside Helena. Romantic, right? Nicholas Sparks eat your heart out.
But afterward? Afterward I hated myself. Every time. As if I was betraying Aleksandra's memory, which, let's face it, I was. But grief makes strange bedfellows. Sometimes literally.
Helena knew about Aleksandra—about her assassination, about my spiral into brutality, blood, and reckless offensives. She tried to soothe me in her way. Made me borscht, rubbed my back, patched up my wounds. And damned if it didn't work. I found myself thinking about her more often than brooding. Which was its own kind of betrayal.
So there she was, standing in the doorway, blocking my way to the mayor's office, trying to look official.
"Comrade," I greeted her back in Finnish, the words clumsy on my tongue. On paper she was my Finnish tutor and my adjutant. In practice, the whole army probably guessed the truth. Not that anyone dared whisper it aloud. Amazing what a little gun-brandishing can do for rumor control.
"Same time tonight," I told her in broken Finnish. "Have meeting now. Important. Sorry."
"See you then," she answered in Russian, smiling faintly before wandering back into camp.
I watched her go, the sway of her hips catching my eye. And despite myself, I thought: damn, what a nice ass.
Inside the mayor's office was my high command. My "inner circle," though most of them I trusted about as much as a one-eyed surgeon. Gathered around a battered table were the usual suspects:
Tukachevsky, recently dismissed from Archangel by Trotsky's men and eager to prove he wasn't just another officer.
Budyonny, the cavalry man, whose mustache was frankly more disciplined than his horsemen.
Voroshilov, heading the infantry, useful in a brawl but about as subtle as a train wreck.
Ordzhonikidze, the quartermaster of misery, always buried in supply reports.
Yagoda, who coordinated payments and loot distribution for the Czechoslovaks, essentially our Minister of Organized Theft.
Aaltonen, commanding the northern Finnish front, a man who never stopped reminding me he was Finnish, as if that excused incompetence.
Stanislav Čeček, head of the Czechoslovak Legion, polite enough to my face but probably dreaming of strangling me with his own mustache hair for leading his men astray at Murmansk.
And, of course, Balitsky, our political officer—my own personal hemorrhoid, sent from Moscow to keep me "disciplined."
We stood around a map of Finland spread across the table like a patient awaiting dissection.
"Gentlemen," I began, my voice carrying that theatrical weight commanders use when they want to sound confident and not utterly terrified. "As Balitsky has probably told you already, the war in Europe is over. Germany has lost."
The room tensed. Faces hardened, except for Balitsky, whose smirk practically screamed finally, the bastard's screwed.
"This means one thing," I continued. "The British are coming."
There it was—the silence that drops when everyone realizes they've just been handed a death sentence.
"We'll need to move up the timetable." I jabbed a finger at the map, tracing the coastline north of Turku. "Pori, Vaasa, Oulu. The Whites still hold them. If we take these cities fast—burn the docks, wreck the infrastructure—we can preempt British intervention. Maybe even make it too costly for them to bother."
"Wouldn't Sweden intervene if we get too close to their border? And what about Åland?" Aaltonen asked, predictably.
"Good point," I nodded, as if I hadn't been expecting it. "We send envoys to Stockholm. Assure them we won't spread the revolution beyond Finland's borders—that this is an internal matter."
Out of the corner of my eye I caught Balitsky's glance, that 'so much for world revolution, eh, comrade?' look.
"Don't give me that expression, Commissar," I sighed. "You and I both know we can't afford more enemies. Draft a letter to the Central Committee asking for approval."
Balitsky nodded, saying nothing, the smug bastard.
Aaltonen wasn't finished. "Even if Sweden accepts that, Åland is still an issue. The people there are mostly Swedish. They've been petitioning Stockholm for annexation. If we impose the same 'discipline' you've imposed here in Finland, Sweden will intervene without hesitation."
I leaned over the map, hands gripping the table. He wasn't wrong. We had no naval strength, no resources to stage an amphibious landing. The whole civil war still lay unresolved inland. "Fine. Tell the Central Committee they should consider ceding Åland to Sweden."
That got everyone's attention. Heads snapped up. Even Tukachevsky, who usually nodded at whatever I said, looked shocked.
"You would give territory away?" he asked.
I barked a laugh. "We gave away half of Ukraine to Germany in December. And now Germany is gone. Soon Trotsky will be marching west to sweep up the scraps. What's a few islands compared to all of Finland?"
"This is unilateral," Balitsky warned. "Exactly the kind of behavior I was sent here to prevent."
I raised both hands like an innocent schoolboy caught with vodka in his canteen. "I'm not doing anything. I'm merely suggesting the Central Committee consider giving Åland away. I'm going through channels, Comrade. Proper channels. Paperwork and all."
Balitsky narrowed his eyes but relented. "I'll relay the message."
"Good." I clapped my hands. "Now then, Vaasa. With Tampere gone, the road to the White capital is open. If we capture Vaasa, the war ends."
"And Pori?" Budyonny asked, trying to sound relevant.
"We besiege it, then storm it. A Finnish operation, mostly. I can spare one, maybe two thousand men at best. Everyone else marches on Vaasa. Tukachevsky." I turned toward him. "Care to prove you're worth the boots you stand in?"
"Sir?" he blinked.
"Don't sir me. Are you in, or not?"
"Yes, I'll do it," he said quickly, like a schoolboy eager to please the teacher.
"Good." I jabbed the map again. "Aaltonen, you'll take a couple thousand Finns. Tukachevsky will bring two thousand of mine. Together, you march on Pori."
"Yes, General," Aaltonen replied.
Budyonny and Voroshilov looked miffed, like children denied sweets. Before they could protest, I pressed on.
"Budyonny, you're with me for the advance on Vaasa. I need your cavalry scouting ahead, raiding, keeping the Whites off balance. Winter is coming, and you're the only man I trust with horses right now. Make sure you've got Finnish guides. I don't want you galloping into a swamp."
He nodded reluctantly.
"Voroshilov," I said, "prepare the infantry. You'll be co-leading the assault with me. No screw-ups."
Both men saluted. At least they had the decency to look disciplined when it mattered.
As I looked around the table, I realized something: here I was, a modern man stuck in 1918, deciding the fate of Finland with a bunch of half-mad generals, commissars, and opportunists. And yet somehow, I was the sanest one in the room.
God we were so fucked.
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By the time I stumbled back into my tent, I was running on fumes. We'd spent the entire afternoon locked in the mayor's office, planning, arguing, bickering, nearly strangling each other over rail schedules and cavalry routes. The grand war council of Bolshevik Finland—what a circus. Somehow, through sheer stubbornness (and a few death threats), we managed to hammer out a plan.
My plan, naturally. Tukachevsky would march on Pori with a mixed bag of Finns and the handful of soldiers I could spare him. I would lead the boys on Vaasa, the prize. Meanwhile, the Red Finns would launch a general offensive into Karelia to keep the Whites busy. Three prongs of chaos. Fun. All we were missing was a laugh track.
As I ducked into the tent, Helena was waiting, a smile plastered on her face.
"I missed you," she said in broken Russian.
"I know." I didn't bother with words once I said that. My little head took over the diplomatic portfolio, and frankly, he was better at negotiations. I kissed her, she kissed me back, and within moments we were fucking like animals—messy, desperate, the kind of passion only war and trauma can produce. I closed my eyes. In my mind, it wasn't Helena at all. It was Aleksandra. My Aleksandra.
I didn't say her name—God, no. Helena deserved better than to be used as a ghost. But I didn't stop myself from pretending. In my head it was Aleksandra's lips, Aleksandra's warmth, Aleksandra's breath in my ear. I chased that illusion until the end, when I finally finished inside Helena, her body straddling mine, her kisses fierce and clumsy.
My eyes stayed shut as long as I could manage, clinging to the hallucination. Then I opened them. Not Aleksandra. Helena. 20. Alive. Staring back at me with those wide, unblinking eyes.
She rolled off me and I reached for a rag, cleaning myself, then her. The usual post-battlefield romance routine. Afterwards, she curled up against me, warm and small, her head on my shoulder. We didn't talk much. My Finnish was garbage. Her Russian was slightly better garbage. Between us, we made a full trash heap.
And then she spoke.
"Have something tell you," she said in her heavily accented Russian. It was almost cute—like a schoolgirl learning to read.
"What?" I muttered, expecting her to ask for a new dress, maybe another loaf of bread.
She rubbed her belly. Looked at me. "Baby."
I froze. Blinked. Surely she didn't mean—
I sighed, running a hand down my face. Was this really happening? She wanted my baby? Jesus. This was some yandere fangirl shit. A soldier's groupie decides she'd anchor herself to the general by popping out his spawn.
"You too young. Should wait you," I managed in butchered Finnish, sounding like a drunk caveman.
She shook her head, firm, rubbing her belly again. "Baby. Me having baby. Yours."
I stared. My brain short-circuited. "You're pregnant?" I asked in Russian, clinging to the hope I'd misunderstood.
"Yes," she nodded eagerly, smiling like she'd just announced we'd won the lottery. "Our baby."
I nodded automatically, leaning over and kissing her on the forehead. The sort of thing a responsible man does when handed life-changing news. Outwardly calm, the picture of Bolshevik fatherhood.
Inside, though? I was screaming. Cursing at myself for not pulling out.
Fuck.