OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Captain America.

"You never were forgotten during your absence, sir," Maria Hill said, turning a giant TV set on. "They wrote several books on you, and many of them became bestsellers. They even filmed movies about your exploits, as you can see. These two ones were made in the seventies, starring Rob Brown..."

Rogers watched on, horrified.

"And this one was made in the early nineties, starring... ummm, I know he's the son of J.D. Salinger... ah, that is right, you probably haven't had the chance to read Catcher in the Rye yet, have you? Sir? Sir, where are you going?"

---

"What the hell have you just said?!" Nick Fury demanded.

Hill winced. "He froze himself again, Colonel! I swear, he just stormed through our guards and threw himself back into the unit...!"

 

The Power of the Press.

"If you want to find the other Servants and Masters so badly, why don't you put a classified add for them in the school newspaper?" Makie asked.

Negi looked at her. "Seriously?"

"Yeah! I mean, you don't have to announce openly that you've got a Servant, but you always can say it through code. 'We have Piece B, looking for Owners of Pieces C, A and A. Please call this number, ask for--'. That kind of thing!"

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Illya said bluntly.

Makie winced. "You don't have to put it that way! I know it's risky and that you'll be painting a target on yourselves, but since you want to contact them so much...!"

"That's not the thing, Makie-san," Negi said patiently, "the matter is that--"

"The add needs to be put online, not in a newspaper, duh!" Illya told Makie, interrupting him. "Who reads the printed press these days, after all!"

Negi slammed both hands on his face.

---

Assassin looked idly at the phone with Internet connection Akashi-dono had been kind enough to give him so he could pass the time.

"Oh? This sounds interesting. A pity that I cannot move from the shade of this tree..."

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Asuka walked into the room with a wide smug smile. "Guess what!" she said loudly.

Shinji looked up from his book. "What is it, Asuka?"

"I passed by the bridge bunnies' dining room, and their door was open!"

"So?" Shinji said.

"They had a blackboard with our names on it, and do you know what? I was way above you two, topping the popularity contest! I never thought much of them, but they have good taste! They've chosen me as the best pilot!"

Rei kept on reading her own book. "That isn't a popularity contest," she said flatly. "It's their dead pool."

Asuka blinked. "Ah?"

"They are betting on which one of us is killed in the line of duty first..."

Asuka's eyes flashed red.

----

"I'm late since there's an inquiry at NERV," Misato said, taking her shoes off and leaving them by the door. "It seems that someone put a homemade bomb in the bathroom of the operators and now Hyuga's missing half of his ass.The Commander says he'll take care of the investigation himself..."

"Ah, that's good to know," Asuka growled while pushing something into her closet, then wiped her hands vigorously with a cloth. Shinji chose to just stay very quiet and very silent, listening to his usual depressing music.

 

Whatever Happened to Archer?

I remember enough as to know where he lives.

I couldn't ever forget who he is.

Even though I wish I could.

The idiot doesn't even bring Saber along anymore. He's way too trusting nobody would dare attacking him in broad daylight.

I stand on a rooftop, watching him walk back home, with a large bag of groceries in his hands.

It would be so easy.

I only have to snipe him from here. It'd save everyone a lot of pain. Saber could just contract Negi, or even Rin, she should have enough mana left to spare. How much can a simple duck siphon from her?

But no. I can't just yet.

Stick to the plan.

Soon.

Soon.

He notices the signs of combat in the old house as he turns the corner, and he runs there, quickly disappearing past the front gates.

I make a gun sign with my fingers and smile. "Bang," I say, before disappearing to return with my Master.

Okay. Fine, I'll admit it. That was pointless and dumb from my part. I guess that I can be a hopeless dork at times, too. But I have earned it by now, haven't I?

Besides, technically it his fault.

 

His First Love.

Rider looked at the photo.

It had Shinji, as a little child, smiling happily as he stood by a tiny red haired girl around his own age, wearing a yellow sun dress.

The girl, that is, not Shinji, naturally.

Shinji was in a light green dress.

Ruler, who was passing by casually, stopped and looked over Rider's shoulder. "Why is he dressed like that?" she asked.

Rider smiled faintly. "The girl made him wear it. She was a childhood friend of his."

"Oh, that is good," Ruler sighed. "I don't think that men should dress as women, or viceversa."

(The blue) Saber, who was sitting nearby either, looked up, a bit upset. "There is nothing wrong with that, under the correct circumstances."

"Didn't you use to go into battle wearing armor only built and intended for men?" Rider asked Ruler.

"That was a special case, Madame, and as you can see, I made the proper adjustements to it...! Otherwise, I am of the opinion that crossdressing should be avoided, that is all!"

Somewhere in Romania, the natural enemy of Ruler sneezed. No, not Amakusa. No, not Pierre Cochon either. And no, it's not Jeanne Alter. Darn, for an all loving Saint, Jeanne has a lot of natural enemies. Anyway, Astolfo was the one to sneeze.

"I am going to find this girl before the War is over," Rider decided, "and reunite Shinji with her."

"Why would you do that?" Artoria asked.

"So he can have someone to look after him after I am gone. He only seemed to be happy during the time they were together, so I'm sure she is a wonderful, kind person."

"She made him wear girl's clothes," Ruler reminded her.

Somewhere else in Mahora, deep underground in a secret base of actually-not-evil-just-misunderstood, Aida Kensuke sneezed. "Why this, so suddenly?!" he protested, rubbing his nose.

"You're wearing my plugsuit," Asuka said while taking lectures of his activity in the robot's cockpit. "Pervert."

"I didn't choose to!" Kensuke whined.

"Oh, you'll have yours soon enough, as soon as Chao finishes upgrading it! It doesn't change the fact that you're enjoying it like the pervert you are!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are! Your nipples are hard!" she pointed her pen at Kensuke's chest and the two tips pressing against the red fabric.

Hikari and Touji looked at each other. "Do you think they'll end up together?" she asked him.

"How could I know? This ain't 3.0+1.0, is it?"

"... simp," Saber said calmly, going back to eating.

A vein bulged on Rider's forehead. "What have you just said?"

"You don't even know if that girl has a boyfriend by this point or not," Artoria told her.

"That's what petrifying gazes exist for," Rider replied.

Ruler gave a half hearted standard slam down on Medusa's head. "That is not what we are supposed to do during the Grail War, either..."

Rider was starting to not like this woman too much. Was it because of the face? Did it come along with personalities meant to upset her?

Mordred peeked into the room. "Hey, everyone, dinner's ready! Even if you already started, I see, Father..."

"'Tis just a mild snack meant to stimulate my appetite for the feast," the King said stoically.

"Anyway, yeah, Shirou and Wimpy are setting the table as we speak..."

'Wimpy'.

Yes, definitely, Rider decided, it was something about the face...

Yet somewhere else, Nero sneezed noisily.

Rule of Threes!

 

This isn't Capsule Servant!

Shirou, at first, only stood quiet, glaring at the woman he didn't recognize at the middle of the other Servants.

"Okay..." he said after several awkward moments. "And you are...?"

Ruler cleared her throat primly and planted her standard down. "O Lord..." she intoned in a clear, strong voice, "I shall raise my flag once again for the salvation--"

"Not that again!" Mordred slapped her on the back of the head. "Go straight to the point already!"

Ruler winced, rubbing the aching spot, and then addressed Shirou more quietly. "I will ask you. To which of these Servants are you the Master?"

Emiya doubted before pointing at Artoria. "It's her..."

"I thought as much," Ruler nodded soberly. "And surely this is your house."

"I have been having my doubts of late, but yes, I suppose..." Shirou deadpanned. "And you? Who has sent you?"

"I'm afraid you are mistaken. I don't intend to claim your life, or the Holy Grail, for myself, if that's what you mean," Jeanne said. "All the same, I cannot stand idly and let these events come to pass without establishing a precedent. I can’t stand out if I don’t participate! I mean, maybe I worded that the wrong way..."

"You'd like it better if you were just a contestant like any other, wouldn't you?" Lancer said.

"What? No!" Jeanne gasped. "Being Ruler is not a punishment or anything like that! I wouldn't even dream of securing the Grail just for the sake of some selfish personal dream!"

"Besides, this way you get to tell others what to do, don't you?" Mordred guess. "That must be a good job..."

"Wait wait wait," Emiya said. "Nothing of what you've said actually explains anything!"

"She's named Ruler, and she polices the War," Vigilante explained.

"I thought that was the Church's job?" Shirou asked.

"I am with the Church!" Ruler said.

"Oh, so your Master is Father Kotomine?" Shirou said.

"I don't even know who is that, but his name sounds dangerous," Ruler replied.

"From what I gather, she isn't the arbiter in this War, but for that one that is about to develop in Europe," Rider supplied. "Which poises the question of what is she supposed to be doing here in the first place."

"I told you, there is a huge threat coming! The War cannot be dealt with until I have made sure that it will go out without a glitch!" Ruler said. "And that involves making sure that no Servants are out of their place and element, and that no Classes that shouldn't even exist are summoned..."

Vigilante shifted in place uneasily and began whistling.

"Otherwise, who knows what could be coming!" Ruler warned. "For instance, multiple Servants could be summoned everywhere! That would be the Requiem for humanity as we know it! Imagine it, if you will, several of any of us appearing across the world! The Jeaaaaaaaaanne boom! There’d be a Red Ruler and a Sakura Ruler and a Christmas Lily Ruler, gosh, there's something as too much of a good thing after all!"

"That," Rider said soberly, "is a truly terrifying thing to conceive."

"It’s so haaard, it’s so haaard being popular, I’m afraid of all those Jeanne clones might corrupt me through the sin of pride…" Ruler sniffed delicately, wiping a corner of her eye.

"Okay," Artoria said, "but what is this ominous vague threat to everyone exactly about?"

" …Do you think I might be well on my way to becoming a star cash-cow corrupted like that, Saber?!" Ruler asked her.

"JUST STICK TO ANSWERING WHAT I ASKED YOU!"

"I have no clear idea yet."

"YOU HAVEN'T?!"

"The ways of the Lord are mysterious! He doesn't just reveal everything like that, otherwise what would be the point?" the other blonde argued. "You should know better than anyone, you were a champion of the Faith, Saber!"

Artoria sweatdropped. "There is sense to what you said, and yet... I now realize why Caster would like you so much... you are just as insane..."

"I'm still having difficulties adjusting to cope with this host body and its set of values and knowledge, that is all," Ruler argued. "That's fine, though, I'm also here to learn about the nature of this incoming terrible and possibly global onslaught, and to put you in a peace in mind about this unescapable catastrophe while I adapt to being Laeticia... to Laeticia being me... you understand what I'm trying to say."

Shirou and Lancer really would have liked them to slow down a bit. "Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait," they said at the same time.

"Oh, sure thing," Rider told Ruler, folding her arms. "Blame the poor girl whose body you stole for your own shortcomings."

"I'll make sure of making up for her by the end of the War...!"

"On second thought," Shirou said, "now I'd be more comfortable, if you'd just come along to kill me."

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Citizen Kane.

"Roses, bud! Roses, bud!" Foster's ghost told the reporter. "That's what I was saying! I only wanted roses to be set by my grave...!"

"Oh. Oh, I see. That... That is kind of disappointing, actually..."

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

24.

“Fuck you,” I growled at him.

Jack Bauer seemed surprised. “Say what?”

“Fuck you! Fuck you all!” I shouted. “I’ve spent years wasting my life writing for you fictional cunts for no profit, spending hours a day dreaming shit up for you, and what have I ever gotten from it?! Nothing but grief! Fuck everything! I’m fed up!”

I stormed out and slammed the door after myself.

Bauer looked at Chisame. Yes, it’s my imagination, of course I’d have Chisame as my secretary. “What the hell’s up with him?!”

“Bad day at the day job. It happens,” she shrugged. “Inspiration is hard to come by nowadays, and he isn’t getting any younger…”

“But… But he hasn’t even written for me before! Why does he act as if I’ve wasted his inspiration?!”

“Look, he would really have like writing for your series and more live action stuff, but… it’s harder for him when it’s stuff he hasn’t written for before, see? Maybe he’ll be in a better mood tomorrow… Maybe…”

This rugged man of action sat down and shook his head. “This was going to be my big break in!”

No, it wasn’t going to! You fucker had a successful TV series, a cheap micro piece like this wasn’t going to make any difference! I bet that no one but the four usual guys was ever going to read this! Argh, why did I have to write you so stupid…!

I’m sorry, everyone. I’m really not in the mood today.

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Oreimo.

From the start, ours was a complicated relationship.

At first, we both were in denial. The proccess to get used to the idea was difficult; we both had our tempers, as I guess it's obvious now.

It took a lot of heartache, not all of it ours, but we ended up admitting what we felt. We believed we could make it work. We truly did.

But ah, life is not like a romance manga, is it? Or a dating game... There, achieving the relationship itself is the end of it. Everyone's happy and you don't have to worry about Bad Ends and setting flags anymore.

Not in real life, no. It's only now that I truly realize that. We should have realized long ago. It'd have saved us from... this.

In real life, getting together is only the start of a much longer adventure. One where you must be careful every step of the way, even years after the fact. And, naturally, ours would be a harder adventure than most.

I'm sorry. I failed you.

Kosaka Kyosuke smiled sadly as his father's men handcuffed him. "It's okay, guys. Do what you must. I won't hold it against you. After all..."

He glanced back, wincing to himself, at Kirino's body, splayed across the carpet on a pool of blood.

"... my life is finished now, in any case."

 

It's not the End of the World!

The husband walked into the house and, a haunted shell of a man, dropped on the couch, taking both hands to his face.

"What happened?" his wife asked.

"They fired me today," he said. "Not only that, they told me they never wanted to see me again. That I wouldn't ever be let in the Towers again."

"Oh, dear..."

The man raised a fist and shouted, "They ruined my life! Damn you, September 10th of 2001...!"

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

The Lockhorns.

“You’ve got to buy rat poison,” Loretta said, approaching her husband’s chair. “The one we have is stale.”

Leroy looked up from his newspaper, apathetically. “Hmmm? How do you know?”

“I’ve been slipping it in your food for two weeks straight now, and you don’t even have a stomachache yet.”

 

The End of Unequally Blade Works.

Someone knocked at the front door.

“Yeeeeees…?” Artoria asked, peeking out warily. “Who are you? Did Professor Negi send you?”

A black man was standing there. No, not an Afroamerican man, but a literally all black man, made of pure darkness and stenchful vileness, with short hair, shirtless and with red tattoos all over his body. His size and build were the same as Shirou’s.

“Fuck you assholes, I’m quitting!” this man yelled on Artoria’s face. “Like hell I can keep waiting until you finally decide doing anything! See you in sixty years, you lazy losers!”

The stranger turned around briskly and stomped away, mumbling and cursing to himself and oozing black mud all over the sidewalk.

“Saber…?” Shirou called out from the kitchen. “Who was that…?”

“AHHH!” the blonde screamed at last. “Come back! I still need deleting myself from history…!”

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Dragon Ball.

"Well, see you later," Vegeta growled at the angel, waving on his way out. "It was a good training."

"But you're still eager to go back to your family, aren't you?" Whis asked. "So unlike Goku..."

"Well, you know Kakarrot," the Prince snorted. "I'm not a sentimental, but at least I can understand the concept of family."

"I'll say!" Whis laughed. "Poor boy, he doesn't even seem to get how he should be loving his own wife!"

"Yeah, that's Kakarrot, he only gets any joy from fighting and eating..." Vegeta smirked.

"Oh ho ho ho! You bet! No doubt he's gotten way more boners from you than from ChiChi!"

"Yeah, that wouldn't suprise me, he's a real--"

And then, Vegeta's eyes widened in horror.

---

Bulma knocked on the bath's door, frowning. "How much longer are you going to take?! You've been there for like two hours now!"

"As soon as I feel clean again, woman...!" Vegeta roared, still scrubbing himself frantically with the soap under the hot shower water.

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---


Dr. Slump.

Senbei was walking back home when he saw Arale in the front yard, crouching on the grass while pinching a very cute dog turd with a branchstick.

"Eeeee! Whee!" giggled the girl robot. "Poop, poop!"

Senbei scowled. "Arale, aren't you a bit old for that already?! When will you start having mature thoughts?! This isn't what I built you for!"

She blinked at him, then stood up. "It is fairly bold from you to assume that no elevated thoughts whatsoever cross my mind while engaging in this frivolous yet necessary
entertainment. You, better than anyone, should know that the absurdity of our everyday existence must be relieved through exercise in seemingly pointless, childish pursuits."

Senbei gasped. "Eh?!"

Arale paced around, wagging a finger while lecturing. "For you, it is that frankly pathetic Casanova act, but since I am not as lustfully inclined—an inclination this physical form you chose for me is not compatible with, I should point out—I would rather devote my free time to contemplation of the futility of life as such, viewed through the metaphorical mirror of excrement, a product best left to rot and disappear, much like an artificial existence not gifted with a soul. Although Obachaman is of the opinion that we are, as a matter of fact, gifted with souls of our own, as it is his thought that awareness of the self equals a spirit. Of course, I suppose we also could argue that, for all we know, no lifeform anywhere is in possession of an aspect that transcends death, in which case it could be said that you and me are just as soulless, and in the large scheme of things, poop."

She looked curiously at her creator. "What would your opinion on this subject be?"

"Eeeehhhh…"

---

Akane passed by the Norimaki household.

Arale and Senbei were poking a dog turd with branchsticks. "Poop! Poop! Poooop!"

Akane winced. "Oh my God, it's contagious…!"

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

The Loud House.

“Okay, I’m going to a friend’s bachelorette tonight, and your father’s working overtime, so I’m taking Lily with me,” Rita told her children. “The rest of you, be good and go sleep early, I left dinner ready.”

“Why don’t you just leave Lily with us?” Luna asked. “We can look after her!”

Lily’s right eyebrow began twitching.

“… not after what happened last time,” Rita said, picking the baby up in her arms. “Remember! Don’t even think of doing anything weird!”

Next morning, the family sat around the table as a cold wind blew in from the huge hole in the wall.

“So… leaving that aside, dear, how did your night go?” Lynn Sr. asked.

Rita shrugged. “Oh, it was very boring. We just sat there and chatted for hours, nothing else… I felt tempted to just come back early, which in hindsight would’ve been for the best…”

“Oh, good morning, Mom, Dad,” Lincoln said, walking into the kitchen in his underpants. “Ah, you saw the hole already. I hope you weren’t too tough on Lisa, and remember, I definitely didn’t have anything to do with it…”

He walked over to the fridge and began pouring himself juice.

Lily blinked, crawled over to him, slapped him in the ass, then pulled a dollar bill out of her diaper and stuck it in the band of his underwear. She pumped a fist up and cried “Goo! Goo! GOOOO!”

“Hey!” Lincoln yelped. “What gives?!”

Lynn Sr. frowned.

Rita chuckled awkwardly. “Well, so maybe we did a few more things over the night…!”

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

UQ Holder.

During the last days, bored and with little else to do, they took to make bets on their immortalities, and which one would give first.

Both actually hoped that they could die together. But through the friendly, loving competitive banter, through that sole last remaining thing separating them from madness, they never expressed that notion out loud, even though both knew they shared it.

It turned out, Karin’s immortality was the absolute best—or worst, from her perspective—of them all.

Now she knelt on gray dust, under a bleeding sky stretching everywhere. She hungered, and her stomach ached, but there was nothing left to eat. The last living creature, humbled and doubled on herself, closed her eyes and cried.

“Please… Please, Lord…” she begged.

“Haven’t I suffered enough already…?”

“I’m sorry…”

She ached everywhere. The air felt like fire in her lungs, probably because it actually was. She hoped she was dying. She dearly hoped so. But from previous experience she knew that feeling this much pain was no guarantee of death.

“Please take mercy…” she begged, before realizing she couldn’t make sounds anymore.

Karin looked down, and saw her body crumbling under the heat of the entropy, the all consuming death of the universe. Weakly, she smiled. The pain was fading away at last.

“Thank you…” she still whispered, somehow. Then she realized. Ah. It was her soul.

She closed her eyes, and at long last, the sinner was forgiven.

She elevated herself, and walked towards the light, towards the foolishly smiling boy.

 

Hollywood (Lack of) Accounting (for Taste).

Haruhi walked into Negi's office and dropped a stack of papers on his desk.

"What is this?" he asked.

"A draft of the script for our cinema Festival movie," she said.

He flipped through the pages. "They have all sorts of corrections... Isn't this Haruna-san's handwriting?"

"Yeah, she, my mother, Kyon's sister, that guy who lives with Father Kirei and the Dorm Mother have all taken turns rewriting the script after I gave it to them. Now I want you to try."

Negi frowned. "Are you that unsatisfied with it? By this point, why not to scrape it altogether and start another one?" He didn't bother asking what had been her criteria to choose especifically those people as her writers. He knew he wouldn't get a real answer.

"It's not that it's bad," Haruhi said, sitting and crossing her legs, kicking a foot around. "It's just that the laws of modern filmmaking state that, the more successful a movie is, the more people have rewritten different versions of the script."

Negi hummed. "Is that so? I didn't know that..."

He pulled a pen out and began working on the first sheet.

---

"Okay, change of plans," Haruhi addressed her cast. "Itsuki, your character is now named the Lord of the Thousand, a powerful mage from Ancient Babylon! Tsuruya, now you are his best friend, a tragic hero named Dora the Explorer! You'll have to dress as a man since you are gender fluid, and you have a hot bishounen scene with Itsuki! Also, my mom insisted on being the executive producer so we'll have to give her a cameo as Mikuru's superior in the Galactic Brigade! And the Dorm Mother insisted on having this disciplinary public announcement tacked on at the end, but I'm sure we can make it work if only Mikuru can actually sound sarcastic while delivering it..."

"I'm so dead!" whined Asahina...

 

Natsu's Sister.

"So you are Natsu Dragneel from Fairy Tail," the dark skinned acolyte said coldly, advancing towards him.

"Yeah, that's me," the young man snorted. "So what?"

"And you were raised by Igneel, the King of Dragons," she added, stopping right before him.

"How do you even know that? No, never mind, why would you even care?"

She frowned, then raised her long tail and moved it from a side to the other. "Recognize this?"

Natsu raised an eyebrow. "Not any more than the rest of you. Should I? Don't tell me we've met before!"

"No. Never."

"Then why should I recognize it?"

"Doesn't it remind you of anything else?!"

"..."

"My father!" she roared. "Igneel was my biological father! Yet he never had any time or use for me, his child, while he took years to look after a complete stranger not even from our species!"

Natsu paused for several long moments, then went "Oooohhhhh..."

"So that's why I'm about to take revEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she yelled as a flame wrapped fist hit her in the face, sending her flying several feet back against a rocky mountain wall. She then was buried by a small landslide, and popped back out immediately, with two crossed bandaids on her head. "IS THAT ANY WAY TO TREAT YOUR SISTER?!"

"You were about to tell me you were about to take revenge on me, so I hit first."

"You... Why you... YOU BASTARD!" Tamaki roared, bursting out of her clothes as she grew into a large dragon, and throwing herself claws first against Natsu.

Happy and Koyomi looked at this, and then Happy looked at Koyomi. As the other two began fighting brutally, the blue cat cried, jumping into Koyomi's arms. "BIG SISTER...!"

"I'M NOT RELATED TO YOU AT ALL, YOU FREAK!"

 

Rebuild of Unequally 3.0+1.0 Guest Starring Dante of the Devil May Cry Series and Knuckles.

"Ah, you have found the secret laboratory," Chao smiled, appeared behind them and standing on the doorstep, blocking their way out. "Here is where I keep the Shikinami backup copies..."

Kensuke shrieked girlishly, Hikari gasped, and Touji spun around, pointing at Chao. "What, what the hell, boss! You cloned Soryu of all people, seriously?!"

Chao hummed, looking idly at all of the tanks full of fluid in which naked Asukas swam around placidly. "Yiu wouldn't understand. She is a person of special interest and I need her around even if she were to die accidentally in these non lethal plans of mine."

"What you have just said completely contradicts itself!" Hikari said.

Chao shrugged. "I said you wouldn't understand. What took you guys this way? You weren't looking for a place to have a threesome in, ne?"

"That, that's not it, don't change the question now!" Touji shouted. "You have cloned us as well, haven't you?!"

"No, you aren't special at all," Chao said bluntly. "You barely can be used as pilots."

"Oh my God," Hikari covered her own mouth with both hands. "We are clones of the original us, aren't we?"

"I told you that you aren't special!"

After finally regaining enough of his wits, Kensuke swallowed and composed himself. "Can... Could we have one of her for each of us, please?"

Even though Hikari and Touji had been thinking just that, they still punched him in the head at the same time.

 

I Like Them Younger.

"Rider-san, I'm Kakizaki Misa, a friend of Negi-sensei," the other purple haired girl said, approaching her.

Rider put her book down and looked quietly at her through her tinted glasses. "Yes, and?"

Misa pulled a chair and sat across the library table. She smiled. "I know that you're a woman of few words and that you are busy, so I'll be brief. I only ask a favor from you, and in return, I'll do one to you as well."

"I don't see what is there that you could have and that I would be interested in," Rider said blandly.

Misa took two fingers to her own collar and pulled on it, baring her neck.

Rider looked mildly interested. "What do you want?"

"Just some advice. What is your advice to capture a younger man's heart?"

"Sex."

"Ah ha ha ha, yes, but Negi's a lot younger than that, and Iinchou would kill me..."

Rider thought for several moments, then said, "When he breaks into tears and cracks under pressure, you hold him tight and don't let go, alway telling him that everything will be okay."

"..." Misa said. And then, "Negi-kun never does that!"

Rider thought again. "When he talks ill about his negligent father, you agree with everything."

"He'd never do that! He loves his negligent father!"

Rider thought again.

"Bagels," she said at last.

"Bagels?" Misa repeated.

Medusa nodded. "Buy lots of them for him. Sugar helps with the depression."

Misa hummed, rubbing her chin. "I guess that might work..."

The other one craned her neck towards her and opened her mouth wide. Shiori, who was passing by, bopped her on the head with the book she was carrying to shelve back. "Not here!" the librarian reminded her. "Never here!"

---

"Here, Chisame, you, Satomi-san and Matoi-san can have these," Negi handed a large bag of bagels over to a blinking Chisame, while Chamo stuffed his mouth happily in a corner. "I didn't have the heart to tell Misa-san, but I really hate these when they are filled with this gooey jelly..."

 

Sayoko's Feelings.

They were home alone now.

Sayoko was cleaning the windows in silence while Chamo browsed the Net.

"So, um, Ma'am," the ermine said eventually, when the silence became unbearable for him. "Are you happy living here?"

"I suppose I am. Illya-sama seems happy," the maid said simply, without looking back at him.

Chamo rasped. "I'm just asking, 'cause no doubt you were used to life in those huge castles..."

"None of those castles were ever mine, and I had to clean them throughfully," Sayoko blandly addressed the issue. "Here, at least I have less surface to cover."

Chamo felt like he really, really should be shutting up now. But how could he? "Right, right, but... you are so devoted to Illya-chan, just like Roberta-san is to Sister Class Rep, this must be hard on you regardless... the Brother will do everything in his power, but if you're feeling afraid, you always can tell us..."

"I don't know who is this Roberta-san, so I couldn't compare myself to her. I'll trust your judgement on the issue since you clearly know her as much as you know me."

Chamo was starting to realize he actually didn't know anything about this woman. "Don't you... Don't you feel bad about Sis Illya? What would you do if she died?"

"I have no idea. I know the Einzberns wouldn't take me back. They only tolerated my presence that long because of Irisviel-sama's posthumous wishes. I suppose I would look for a new job here, in Japan. Although I'm not getting any younger, and I've spent so long away..."

Chamo was livid now. "But... Wouldn't you suffer for her...?"

"I lived on past Irisviel-sama's death, too," was all Sayoko said, stoically. "Ten years, in a cold castle completely removed from my homeland, surrounded by no one I could truly call human. I have learned how to cope with suffering, Chamo-san."

Chamo blinked a few times, very slowly, and then went back to his browsing, quietly.

Sayoko finished with the windows and moved swiftly for the kitchen.

If there was any wetness in her eyes, she made sure the creature could not see it.

 

Think Happy Thoughts.

"Boy, I'm excited about this trip to the World of Magic!" Makie chirped, bouncing on the way back from Eva's cottage. "I'm sure we'll see so many wonderful things, and meet so many great people! How about you, Chisame?"

Chisame rasped, pushing her foggy and obscuring glasses up. "Well, I don't mean to rain on anyone's parade, but there's a good chance things will go wrong. We don't even know exactly where to start looking, that guy was too vague! And that Rakan fellow is supposed to be our contact? He looks unreliable as hell! Plus, you heard Eva, there's dragons and trolls and orcs and goblins everywhere, and you are all too rowdy so one of you's bound to get lost after straying away. The Vice Prez will keep pulling us off track to look for her friend, and we aren't even sure the food is any good! They might have truly alien tastes, no offense, Lala, and it might even make us sick, and--"

Makie and the rest began walking faster to leave her behind.

Once at home, Chisame sat at her computer and began checking her homepage. Frowning, she started taking moderation measures.

Negi looked over her shoulder. "Why are you banning so many people?"

"I can't help doing it, they bring too much negativity to the forums..."

 

"Hey, Chisame," Natsu Dragneel craned his head into the dinning room, just as Chisame, Haruka, Yukino, Erza and Lucy were eating. "Gramps says you'd like to see this."

They followed him into the main hall of the Fairy Tail guild, where most guildmates were gathered around the gigantic crystal ball showing a magi-transmission. Chisame's eyes lit up.

There was a familiar face in the broadcast, one she could recognize even through the aging effect since she had seen it that way before, too. A handsome, manly face with an added slight scar running down a cheek, where Sextum had sliced him during the Gateport battle. Her heart started beating much faster and louder, although not enough as to hide a soft gasp she could hear from behind her, in Erza's voice. It was a short, simple name, a predictable enough one after rooming with her for two weeks.

"Nagi...!"

"That's him? No, that couldn't be him, he'd have to be much older, wouldn't he?" Lucy wondered aloud. "But then, it must be..."

Chisame felt a strong hand almost crushing her shoulder, and without needing to look at her, she put her hand on top of Haruka's and squeezed it.

"It's him..." Haruka said reverently.

"The boy," Mirajane said evenly.

"Y-Yes," Chisame made a small choked sound. "Could you... Could you rewind it, please? Wh-Where is he even supposed to be?"

"The New Ostia Tournament," Makarov said with unusual gravity while Laxus rewinded the transmission. "It would seem this young friend has walked directly into the jaws of the wolf..."

"He's just painted a huge bullseye on himself, too," Juvia opined with studied cold detachedness, taking a moment to look at Yukino without her habitual exuberance when it came to her. "Any idiot could read between the lines of this..."

"Did you just say 'Nagi Springfield'?" a dark skinned blonde fairy in a black bikini and glasses was asking him excitedly, holding a microphone close to his face. An aged up Inugami was also there, standing several feet away from him, whatever. "That's the same name of the Thousand Master! I knew it, you are his living image! So, what's the deal? Are you one of his sons? Are you actually the legendary master, back from death or a self imposed exile?!"

"Please don't say it's just coincidence, please don't say it's just coincidence, please don't..." Chisame muttered under her breath, her face red.

'Nagi' laughed uneasily and put a hand behind his head. "No, I'm sure it's just a strange coincidence...!"

"You little shit," Chisame took a hand to her face.

"Nobody would ever be stupid enough as to believe that, what is he thinking?" Evergreen asked, arms folded.

"Well, he is just a child after all," Tsuwabuki said with an annoyed frown.

"Wow..." an impressed Hikaru said. "I never imagined he'd look like that as an adult! No wonder Chisame-san fell f--"

Nanami put a hand on Hikaru's mouth. "I'm doing you a favor, even though I shouldn't..." she growled while keeping the redhead's lips shut.

Negi grinned and gave the cameras a thumb up. "If my friends can hear me now, I'm with Number Eight, Number Four, Number Thirty Two and Rito-chan! They're all okay and long to see you again! You're welcome to come to the tournament so we can talk about the old times, whenever you want!"

Gray lifted an eyebrow. "What did he mean by that?"

"The numbers are those of the class roster," Chisame said. "Eight is Kagurazaka, Four is Ayase, Thirty Two is Skuld, and Rito-chan is Haruna's pet name for the Perverted Beast. At least he named him in a way that would make others think he's talking about a girl."

"It's a risky gamblage, but now I see what he's doing," Haruka said, going into full Student Council Politician Mode, which meant the usual goofiness was cast aside, other than the malapropisms, for a ruthless analytical view. "He knows he can't be attacked at the middle of such a massive gathering lasting weeks and attracting people from across the whole world, not without risking too much collaborational damage and bad PR. Moreso, just like always, he's putting finding us as his top priority, even over his own safety..."

"Collateral, Haruka-chan," Yukino said dutifully.

"The name of Nagi is constantly being used by charlatans trying to draw attention upon themselves," Erza said. "By actually going the opposite way and saying they aren't related, he's making it clear to you that he's not just another pretender..."

"I can't believe it. The moron isn't even using disguise glasses!" Chisame said.

"Disguise glasses are such a common disguise tool that anyone using them becomes automatically suspicious," Makarov said. "They are good for hiding yourself in the Old World, but-- Where are you going?!"

Chisame was turning sharply on her heels, stomping towards the door. "Do you even need to ask? Thanks for everything, but we're leaving so I can give that idiot a good kicking over being so careless! Move your ass, Vice Prez, Kikukawa! Shidou, Kiryuu, you'd better come along too if you want to return to Earth..."

"As usual, I don't exist, I see," Tsuwabuki sighed, right before Erza all but shoved him aside, catching up to Chisame and grabbing her by an arm.

Chisame glared back at her, without any hint of her usual awkwardness towards the redhead. "Let me go, now. Even if it's dangerous, I don't care if you're Erza Scarlet or Wonder Woman, I'll just walk all over you if you try to stop me!"

"It's not that, you idiot," Erza said dryly. "I'm going too."

"Ah!" Natsu brightened. "Awesome! I always wanted to fight in the Tournament!"

"Nobody is saying that you will go!" Erza snapped at him.

Juvia hissed, swiftly flowing from her chair to Yukino's side, holding a groaning Gray by an arm and pulling him with them. "We will, though. I'm not abandoning Yukino-sama, and that's final..."

Erza stared at her. "You can go wherever you want. But you'd better not stand in my way or else--"

The whole guildroom shook and rattled, making Lucy and Wendy shriek briefly, and then everyone glanced back at Makarov, who stood with his arms folded behind his back, a scowl on his face, and a foot poised to be slammed down once more.

"Erza," the elder said. "Ultimately, it is me who takes the decisions on who is assigned to which missions, in the event of disagreements between the ranks. Do I actually need to remind you of that?"

Erza paused, impressed by his sudden intensity, and then actually lowered her head, with a tense expression on. "No."

"This isn't a mission, though," Cana pointed out. "It's just Erza and Juvia wanting to go see some fights and meet someone."

"I want to go too!" Natsu protested.

"Collectively, we made an oath of protecting Chisame and Haruka over our guild's debts to Nagi Springfield and his kin," Makarov said. "That duty is more urgent now than ever. It's not a mission born from a monetary obligation, no. It's more important than that."

Yukino blinked. "Sir..."

Haruka gulped. "Chief-san, I--"

Makarov raised a hand to impose silence. "Erza, you will lead a bodyguarding team of yourself, Gray, Juvia and Wendy. Natsu can accompany you on the condition that he does NOT join the tournament."

"Eh, why not?" Natsu asked.

"Fairy Tail only joins tournaments involving Guilds, and this is not supposed to involve officially recognized organizations. To join, you would have to quit Fairy Tail first," the small old man said.

Natsu made a disappointed face, and then grinned wickedly. "Okay, so what? I'm sure I'll get into many fights regardless, and with no rules to follow, to boot! That'll be much better!"

Lucy sweatdropped. "The scariest part of that is knowing that you're absolutely right..."

Chisame bit on her lower lip. Erza wasn't letting go of her yet. "Oh, you absolute idiots..." she said. "This... This isn't necessary at all..."

"Don't be like that, guys, you'll make Chisame-chan cry," Levy said with a smile. "You know how they are, Chisame-chan, always needlessly dramatic..."

"You're just as bad..." Chisame said, taking her glasses off and rubbing her eyes in annoyance before any wetness could leak out. "Thank you... all the same..."

"Bring him here after you're done there, okay?" Cana smirked. "I really wanna see if he's just as cute in person!"

"We'll forge him into a real man among men!" Elfman said, jarring his fists on his hips.

"That... That is what we're afraid of, actually..." Haruka said with a glare at the chuckling Cana. She sighed. "Okay, Hikaru, go bring Kirara! Natsu, you won't start wailing if you have to ride Kirara, will you?"

"Ehhhh... Actually... Motion sickness is still motion sickness!" the Dragon Slayer said. "That won't change if I'm riding a beast instead of a train!"

"Well, that's okay," Gray shrugged. "Erza's developed a new way to make sure you don't get it during trips."

"For real?" Natsu asked. "What is it?"

BOOOONNG!-!-!-!-!

Erza stood now behind an unconscious, collapsed Natsu, with a gigantic spiked mallet bigger than herself and marked '10 TONS' in a hand. Everyone else, except Gray, sweatdropped. "Well, whaddya know, it actually works so far...!" Titania pondered aloud.

Wendy winced. "I... I think I'll just cope with the trip the traditional way, if you won't mind...!"

 

"When we get to meet Negi Springfield," Wendy Marvell asked as they made their way through the narrow streets leading to the stadium, "is there any special way we should address him?"

"Do you think we'd like it if I asked him for a fight?" Natsu Dragneel added a question of his own.

"Why do you ask if you're going to challenge him to a fight either way?" Gray Fullbuster asked him in turn.

"Does he usually carry fish on him, I wonder?" Happy the cat wondered. "I'm hungry…"

Hasegawa Chisame gritted her teeth for what had to be the umpteenth time that evening alone. Lucy was starting to grow worried the younger girl would be toothless by the time they finally caught up to her friends. "Now listen, you numbskulls," Chisame tersely began, "I'm actually very thankful you took some time off to come with us, but there's no special way you should treat him! Other than the rampant childhood trauma, the unhealthy father complex, the weird attraction aura and the unsettling politeness and martyr syndrome, he's a completely normal child!"

"You misspeaked the word 'inhealthy'," Suzushiro Haruka lectured her, marching between Chisame and a contented Kikkawa Yukino. "Besides, there ARE several things one must keep in mind when dealing with Sensei, and you know it. One isn't to speak ill of his father, that shouldn't be a problem with Erza-san around…"

"Damn straight," dryly said the tall redheaded woman in armor leading the group, never looking back.

"… also, he isn't to ever be offered coffee," Haruka continued, nodding at Erza's words. It bothered Chisame that the two of them seemed to get along so well, when Haruka usually tended to butt heads with any other woman of authority anywhere in her proximity. "He doesn't like fighting for no real reason, but if it's for sport, he'll humor challengers and give his best at supplyting a worthy match." While Natsu grinned and cocked a fist up, Haruka went on, unfazed, "Ladies are to be treated like princesses in his presence, since he's very quick to defend us no matter what. So cut back on the Lucy-san abuse, people. He won't like it."

"Yeah. That would be awfully nice," sighed the blonde buttmonkey of the team, shoulders drooping slightly.

"Nobody has answered my question," Happy reminded them.

"That's because it's a dumb question!" Carla told him. "What would any great hero OR a schoolteacher be carrying fish on him for?!"

"Well, why wouldn't he?" the other cat asked, making Carla facepaw. "Isn't he an ever ready friend to all cats?"

"That… That's Chachamaru, not him," Chisame said, an eyebrow twitching and teeth grinding yet again. "They're easy to tell apart because she has green hair and is a robot, and he's a ten-years old boy."

"What is a robot?" Juvia Locksear asked, managing to walk close to both Gray and Yukino somehow, despite the two of them keeping a wide casual distance from each other. The blue haired shapely woman was wearing her old dark fur ensemble, protecting her from the icy winds blowing all over the large, bustling city at the time. Hikaru, Kirara, Tsuwabuki and Nanami had been left behind, in the hotel rooms the group had just secured after arriving to New Ostia.

"Let's just say that's the way we call mechanical golems and homunculi in Mundus Vetus, although I am oversimplifying it a bit too much, perhaps," Yukino explained.

Juvia looked at her with large, adoring eyes. "Aaaahhh, I see. Just like Yukino-sama, to be so knowledgeable and open with her wisdom…!"

Haruka frowned. "I can tell you and Tsunestuki-san are going to get along infamously, Water Woman. Hey, Squad Commander, this is the place, right?"

"Yes," Erza said stoically, as they stopped before the wide, iron gates of the Colisseum's backstage. She breathed deeply. "Natsu. Knock."

The male Dragon Slayer blinked. "Eh, why me?"

Erza's fists clenched by her sides. "Don't question me and just do it..."

"Ohhhhh!" Natsu grinned. "Nervous over meeting someone who looks so much like-!"

Erza grabbed him by the back of the head and began bashing his face on the doors. "Forget it, I can do it myself!" she roared. "KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!"

Everyone else backed away, while Wendy outright hid behind Lucy's legs.

Finally, a rather plain looking man with black hair, slicked back and framing an elongated, prematurely aged face. He wore gray pants and an open black vest, showing off his muscular, scarred arms and chest. His eyes were gray and dull, and his face was twisted in a scowl of contempt.

"What do you beggars want? Or are you fans?" he asked crudely. "It's too late to register yourselves, so it can't be that."

Natsu, with a pummeled swollen face still held by Erza, laughed weakly, pointing at the man's hair. "Ah ha ha... Rooster..."

"We are looking for the man who calls himself Nagi Springfield," Erza said. "We are willing to pay if you would take us to him."

"Ah, you too?" the man scoffed. "Yeah, you and every other wacko and hormonal fangirl in town today! That bum doesn't room here, he's got himself a place somewhere else. So scram! I've got better things to do than wasting my time with admirers!"

"Where is this 'somewhere else'?" Haruka asked coldly.

"Why should I know or care? Do you have any idea how many fighters are there in these preliminars?" the man asked back. "Pretty-Boy won't even make it to the final rounds, I'm sure. His fight today was a stroke of luck..."

"I disagree, I watched it and I thought it was a magnificent display of technique and strenght," Erza said.

The man scoffed. "He's not bad-bad, but many of the guys in this tournament are monsters. Literal ones, even! I should damn know, I trained several of them myself."

"An unbiased opinion, yours, then," Gray smirked.

The man looked at him with despise and flickered him on the bare chest. "Fuck off, fella. We've got a strict dress code here, this is a decent arena!"

"Ah? Don't tell me that..." Gray looked down at himself and yelled. "Gaaahhh! I did it again!" he said, seeing himself reduced to black boxers.

"Look, if you're a comedy act, come see me tomorrow after the fights and we'll talk about giving you a gig in between matches," the manager, for this is what he was, began herding them away. "In the meanwhile, it's late and I wanna go sleep, so..."

Then someone stepped out of the gates, asking the man, "Tosaka-san? Those voices I heard, are they... ahhhh..."

Chisame and Haruka froze, as their gazes met that of the young woman who had just shown herself to them. She had short black hair and was wearing a maid uniform, with a broom in her right hand.

The man named Tosaka looked back at the shocked girl. "You know these people?"

After a moment, she shook her head quickly. "No... No, of course I don't! It's just..." she said, looking at Chisame with eyes that implored silence, "It shocked me to see so many people here, this late..."

"They were on their way out," Tosaka sneered, walking back in with her and closing the gates behind them. "Buy your tickets tomorrow like everyone else! Good night!" she barked from the other side, and then turned the lights off.

Lucy blinked. "You... You know that girl, don't you?" she asked Chisame. "She recognized you, and you recognized-"

Chisame grabbed her and Wendy and began pulling them away, with the rest of them following. Finally, they stopped around a lonely corner, and Chisame put her hands on her knees, sporting a haunted face. "That's Kugimiya Madoka, another of my classmates. What's she doing there? Why was she dressed like that!?"

"Why didn't Sensei mention her?" Haruka added, looking back.

"She was wearing the shock collar of the slaves," Erza said grimly, remembering long, hard days of her earlier youth. "You should have been expecting for something like this, Chisame. Not all of you could be fortunate enough as to find helpful saviors."

"Is there any other kind of savior?" Natsu asked.

"A slave...!" Chisame shuddered.

"This is bad," Yukino said. "As soon as that horrible man sees her face in a Wanted poster, he'll turn her in for the reward. No wonder she didn't want to be recognized..."

"We always could go there, kick his ass, and save her," Natsu proposed.

"Moron, we would have to fight every gladiator residing there, and then the guards that will come from City Hall!" Gray told him, pulling his clothes back on. "The question is, does Negi Springfield even know she's there?"

Haruka hummed. "He'd have to, now they're close enough that he could contact her through the cards... The cards!" She slapped herself on the forehead. "Of course, now WE are close enough for it, too!"

"Yeah, now we are. Worth a try," Chisame said, reaching into her handbag and pulling her Pactio card out. After several glances around, she made sure there were no close snoopers and put the card against her head. "Sensei? Sensei, it's me, Chisame... The VP is with me..."

After several moments of eager waiting, Lucy couldn't take it anymore. "Well...?!"

"... I have signal, but he won't answer," Chisame said. "I feel like I get static..."

"Wha-Wha-What is that supposed to mean?! Is he hurt?! Is he, is he...?!" Wendy panicked.

Chisame put the card down and sighed. "It's what we get when he's asleep!"

Yukino, Lucy, Wendy, Erza, Carla and Gray facefaulted.

"He's a child and it's late already," Natsu observed, folding his arms. "Were you expecting anything else?"

"Aye," Happy nodded. "Let's go sleep, too!" He yawned cutely. "I'm tired, that was a long trip...!"

"And we haven't rested since," Lucy agreed, picking herself back up. "You'll contact him tomorrow early, Chisame."

"I guess..." a disappointed Chisame looked down.

Erza looked at her in silence for a while, and then smiled and put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, Chisame," she said. "I know we won't be able to sleep tonight anyway, so why don't I show you how an adult woman can spend a night in the big city?"

Chisame began screaming inwardly.

 

It was Chisame's first time in a pool hall, and it felt as awful as she'd ever imagined one would be. The mere fact she'd be allowed in despite being a minor unnerved her, so she sat at a corner watching Erza and twiddling her fingers, attempting to ignore the dirty looks from the men around the business.

Fortunately, most of them were more interested about Erza, who stood by the main pool with a stick in her hands. Not that Chisame could blame them since she was taller and bustier and curvier with bigger boobs and a much better, firm and round ass and-

"Is that kid checking the other lady out?" she heard one of the men asking another in a whisper, interrupting her ruminations.

"I'M NOT!" Chisame growled, closing her eyes and blushing.

Oblivious, Erza kept on paying attention to the skinny man bleached blond who was explaining the rules of the game to her. "It's simple, really," he was saying. "By hitting the balls with the white one, you've gotta pocket 'em in order, starting with Numbah One. It's easy! Don'tcha think?"

"Yes," the redhead nodded contemplatively. "As soon as I've pocketed all nine, then I win, right?"

"You'll never get it right in the first try, but sure thing!" chuckled a portly man in black, with a ratty, scruffy beard. He puffed on his cigar and gestured at her to try. "C'mon, show us your aptitude!"

"Look at this, Chisame," Erza said, raising a hand and changing herself into a skintight, highly revealing Playboy bunny outfit, complete with ears. Chisame began choking loudly in her saliva. Did this darn woman do those things on purpose?!

"She's a mage!" one of the men gawked.

"M-Maybe she's here f'r the tourney!"

"Why a bunny though?!"

"Are you stupid?! Why are you complaining?!"

"This is the attire meant for this kind of establishment, isn't it?" Erza asked casually, leaning towards the table and sticking her ass up, Chisame's eyes following it unwittingly. The redhead drew a deep breath in. "The white ball... Like a pure, unsullied maiden..." she chanted, taking aim with the stick slowly.

The closest man asked Chisame, "What is your girlfriend mumbling about?"

"SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!"

The tip of the stick touched the white ball's surface gently. "In whose heart chaste thoughts doth dwell..." Erza kept on intonating.

"Oi, you're doing it wrong..." the fat man warned.

"SHALL STRIKE EVIL DOWN! LIKE THIS!" Erza roared majestically, and she hit the white ball in full force, creating a huge blast of sheer power that sent all the men barreling back off their feet, and made Chisame shriek. There was a loud boom, and then, when the dust of the impact settled down, the patrons gasped, struck by horror.

"Y-You... You pulverized them!"

"What the hell's wrong with ya, lady?!"

"Hmph. Just look at that!" Erza huffed, eyeing the shattered balls, scattered in pieces all over the now cracked table. "The balls didn't have enough balls..."

She looked over at the appalled barman and shouted, "HEY YOU! Your material is defective, what kind of racket are you running here?!"

Chisame rushed behind her and slapped her hard in the back of the head. "I-I-IDIOT! That's not how you play billiards! Even I know that!"

Erza blinked. "Ah, no?"

"NO!" Chisame and every man in the room yelled.

Erza looked down. "I apologize, then. I thought this would be a fun place to take you to, but I can now see that you aren't having any fun, Chiu..."

"You... You actually don't know anything about nocturnal adult entertainment either, do you?" Chisame realized.

Erza bowed at the owner. "My apologies. My Guild will pay for the damage to your table and testicles. I mean, your balls."

"Your... Guild...?" the man said, then looked at the tattoo on Erza's arm... and then he and all of the patrons jumped back, screaming in terror. "FAIRY TAIL!"

Erza pouted. "Oh, come on! We haven't ever destroyed any parts of THIS city...!"

"No, you have! You definitely have!" one of them said, hiding behind an upturned table. "You're in league with Moulin Rouge, aren't you?!"

Erza raised an eyebrow. "Moulin Rouge?"

"A mage from the infamous Fairy Tail! She's been wrecking havoc across the city for days now, eluding the guards and beating them down!"

"Moulin Rouge?" Chisame echoed. "There's nobody in Fairy Tail with that name, is there, Erza...?"

And then Chisame winced, seeing the redhead surrounding herself with a large aura of black flame even Natsu wouldn't have dared touching. "The nerve of that witch..." she was grumbling inhumanly. "Using our perfectly good name to do what she wants..."

"Oh, crap," Chisame said. "This is the night that never ends!"

 

"I really think you should be taking this easier," Chisame protested while following Erza, against her will of course, into a palatial restaurant several blocks away. This place, they had been told, was the favorite of Moulin Rouge over the last week. "I mean, yes, this person has to be dealt with since otherwise you will be hunted down before long, but...!"

"It's personal on more than one sense," Erza said without looking back. "Not only the Guild's name is being difamated, but also that of a partner."

"We do... I mean, you do have someone with that name after all?!" Chisame said. "But who, I thought I'd been introduced to everyone...! And put on something else already, will you?!"

A short haired, meek looking young waitress came over to greet them. "Good evening, may I help you?"

Erza looked at this inoffensive person, then glanced around, and then roughly pulled her aside, towards another room. "Kyaaaaa!" the poor girl screamed.

Chisame gaped. "Seriously?! Seriously?!" she cried, and then went in after Erza, closing the door after herself. The redhead was vigorously stripping the much smaller girl in what had turned out to be a storage room for barrels of wine, despite her terrified protestations. "You are making everything much worse for us! At this rate, you-!"

"Bisca," Erza said, using the waitress' own belt to tie her hands together behind her back.

Chisame blinked. "Eh? Bisca, that is-" For a moment she struggled to connect the name with a face, and then it came to her. "Bisca-san, ah, yes, now I remember! What's she got to do with this?"

"Once, she used to act as an outlaw, until I taught her the path of virtue and law," explained the woman currently tying an innocent worker and putting on her uniform, one that was clearly too small for her voluptuous figure. "Back then, she used to go by that battle name of Moulin Rouge. Whoever is supplanting her now, thus, has figured out a connection between her and the Guild, and so she has to be dealt with immediately."

"You mean you beat her black and blue, right?" Chisame frowned, even as Erza smoothed the waitress uniform on herself. "Was there any need for this? Couldn't you have equiped yourself with a waitress uniform if you really felt you had to ambush her like this?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Chisame, why would I have a waitress uniform as one of my armors?"

"YOU HAD A FREAKING PLAYBOY SUIT!" Chisame said, and then winced at the poor girl kneeling on the floor, in her underwear and making Bambi eyes. "H-Hey, don't hold this against us, we are doing this for the greater good... I hope... and we'll compensate you... I hope... and... HEY YOU WAIT FOR ME DAMMIT!" she cursed, bolting out after Erza as she stomped back out, now in 'disguise'.

The actual waitress looked down. "I'm not paid enough..."

Chisame gulped, following Erza into the main hall of the restaurant. Most customers had left the building, opening a clear area for a single young woman sitting at a table, eating delicately and with the best of manners. A large hat obscured her face, but she was petite and svelte, and had long light hair that looked almost angelic. She was wearing a light pink dress, with semitransparent sleeves that allowed for a Fairy Tail tattoo to be visible on her left arm.

Erza walked towards this person, while Chisame stayed behind and frowned, thinking. She had the impression she knew this person. That she had seen her somewhere before...

"I don't think I am ready for dessert just yet, as I'm still enjoying the main dish," the customer said, and Chisame's skin crawled all over, fully recognizing the gentle but thick Kyoto-ben. She felt true panic and dread run over her, and the temptation to just run out was strong, only overwhelmed by knowing she'd be lost immediately in this city without Erza as a guide. Then the hat was raised just a little, and a single green eye was visible, glinting behind glasses. "Then again, you offer a most tempting sweet from my home country. How did you know...?"

"I don't know what are you talking about," Erza growled. "All I know is that you are supplanting a Fairy Tail member. Why? Answer quickly, before your head is forcibly separated from your neck."

The customer laughed disdainously. "I have friends and connections everywhere, it'd surprise you to know how highly. Those keeping the records of the Guilds don't hold yours in high esteem, did you know that? Of course you did. There is a saying about Magnolian bureaucrats, that if anything bad can be pinned on Fairy Tail, then let it happen, it'll probably be true anyway."

The hat was pushed higher, and the full face, lovely and gorgeous, was unveiled. Chisame felt like screaming. "Titania-han, right? It's a honor," Iwai Tsukuyomi said, slowly pulling her sword from under the table. Erza summoned hers, much larger and sturdier, into her hand. The few foolishly brave customers left began moving towards the door discreetly, followed by waiters and waitresses alike. "It's funny, just using a few magical trinkets and putting on a temporary tattoo is enough to convince anyone that you're a Fairy Tail actual mage! Of course, it might be that they're just too afraid of my blade to contradict me..."

"I'm not," Erza lifted her blade.

"Let's make this quick, please," Tsukuyomi said, delicately wiping her mouth with a handkerchief and then standing on the table, damned sword at the ready. "Like I said, I haven't eaten my dessert yet, and I've got to get back to my Master before dawn. That's the best part of working for children! They can be so clueless about what adults do during nights...!"

Children...? Did she mean Sextum? Chisame gulped hard, wondering exactly how far the Averruncus was at the time. And then Tsukuyomi looked directly at her, and smiled with an undeniably evil glint in her eye.

"Don't run away just yet, Chisame-han," she asked politely. "You'll see Negi-han soon enough!"

Before Chisame could ask what did she mean, Erza lunged onto the mercenary.

 

The table exploded into oh so many splinters from the sheer brutal force of Erza’s furious downward slash, just as Tsukuyomi leapt back and out of reach with a mischievous giggle.
Chisame stayed back, knowing her powers were not up to the task of helping against a Shinmeiryuu, much less with no visible electrics in sight since the restaurant was illuminated by candles and oil lamps. One of them was quickly seized by Tsukuyomi and tossed at Erza with a hearty cry of “Catch!”

Erza caught it in midair, and without looking back she threw it at Chisame for safekeeping. Chisame knew Tsukuyomi played dirty and she wouldn’t think twice of burning the building down to win, but she hardly could scream warnings to the redhead, since all she could do was barely keeping up visually with them, they moved so fast across the large hall trading blows.

It was clear, however, that Tsukuyomi had a speed edge, even if Erza was in advantage when it came to strength. The smaller girl danced with grace around the Fairy Tail member, striking strategically at seemingly random but actually carefully picked spots, mostly in her exposed limbs.

“Chisame-han, where is Setsuna-Oneesama?” Tsukuyomi asked casually while barely dodging Erza’s latest slash, which damn looked like it had maiming intent at least behind it. “Don’t tell me you haven’t found her yet! Soft women like you can’t be trusted for anything…”

“I’m your opponent! Focus on me!” Erza demanded, kicking her in the stomach and slamming her on a wall.

“Erza-san!” Chisame took advantage of the very brief respite to warn her. “Put on some armor! She’s actually a veteran killer!”

“I don’t need armor to finish this gnat off,” Erza grunted, avoiding Tsukuyomi’s next retaliation strike and doing a leg sweep on her, throwing the hitwoman off balance. “You just stay out of the way!”

“A wise advice,” Tsukuyomi agreed, flashing behind the redhead, grabbing her by the hair, and shoving her against a wall, tossing her through the glass panel and out onto the street. “I like the food here. Let’s take this outside, shall we? Thank you!”

Chisame cursed and went after them once Tsukuyomi had jumped outside with girlish glee. The street was fortunately mostly empty, and the few passerbys in sight were fleeing as they saw two women, no doubt drunken brawlers from the tournament, duking out in the open.

“Say, you’re good! So you aren’t just fame, that’s great!” Tsukuyomi delighted as she absorbed a barrage of punishment from Erza, just soldiering on and advancing on her, hacking and slashing. Her eyes had become black sclerae with golden pupils, eerily reminiscent of Evangeline when she entered a berserker rage. “I’ll become so famous after slaying you, Oneesama will be impressed…!”

“Fall! Die, you demon!” Erza snarled, landing several cuts on this girl who refused to yield. “What manner of fiend are you?!”

“The best!” Tsukuyomi panted, finally backing away and taking a moment to lick the edge of her blade. Chisame shuddered, noticing the maniac’s mouth was now tinted in red, and that Erza’s arms had bleeding cuts all over them. “Oh, you’re so fine. So sexy! Come to me. Come!”

Erza squinted and impulse herself before running at her. “As you wish!”

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes yes!” Tsukuyomi cooed, answering the charge with one of her own, and then the two fighters collided, like in a martial arts movie. Chisame could swear that for a moment their silhouettes became everything visible, melded into one ever so briefly, and then they both landed on their feet facing away from each other.

There was a long, tense silence that worried Chisame, as both had grown perfectly still.

Then Tsukuyomi chuckled. “I have cut an inconsequential object…” she chuckled with mock pomposity.

Erza blinked, relieving Chisame. So she was still alive, after all. “What do you mean? You didn’t even touch m—“

Then, from under her skirt, her white panties fell to the pavement, sliced to ribbons.

Chisame took a hand to her nose while Erza blushed.

Tsukuyomi spun back on her feet, clicked her heels together, and poked the tip of her tongue out, cutely. “Sorry about that! Can we please go on from where we left?”

“YOU BITCH…!” Erza roared, throwing herself against her, right before a lightning bolt fell between both fighters, separating them and forcing them to yank back.

Chisame blinked, and then whipped her head towards the source of the spell. Her heart stopped for a second.

There, blocking the way out the street, stood someone wrapped in a long brown coat, and sporting wild, dark red hair. He clearly had dressed up in a hurry, disarranged and still tired, but no less energetic as he shouted “Tsukuyomi-san! What in the world are you doing now?!”

And then he noticed Chisame’s presence, too. Tsukuyomi was instantly forgotten, the blonde just scoffing and pouting like a scolded child, even as Erza also stared on at him, almost as fascinated as Chisame. Briefly, Tsukuyomi pondered taking advantage of that distraction and skewering her with a cheap shot, but decided against her. She really wanted to be paid for this job, and it remained her best bet to find Oneesama. So she just sheathed her sword with a sigh.

“See, Chisame-han, I promised you… Do I deliver, or what?”

Bawling her eyes out like a schoolgirl in love, Hasegawa Chisame threw herself into the arms of Negi Springfield.

 

For a moment, the young man didn't know how to react when this young lady hugged him, pressing her face against his chest.

He knew who she was supposed to be. He had her Pactio card, and Asuna and Yue had talked repeatedly to him about her, and about how important she was supposed to be for him. Yet, seeing her in the flesh was not conveying the same feeling he knew he was supposed to be experiencing. That ashamed him, and then…

Then, he remembered something. He remembered the shame of failing a young lady, who was much like this young lady… no, it was the same young lady, as a matter of fact! He could remember that sensation as she embraced him tightly, as they fell together… down a chasm into the depths of… Library Island? They had been looking for a book… with Asuna and Yue…

His lower lip trembled as that triggered a domino effect in his mind. He remembered saving her from a long fall under the rain, and then the shame at having his secret uncovered. The shame of stumbling into her own secret, that of cosplaying as a net idol. The shame of not being able to protect her from being taken prisoner during a school festival, and then that of failing to save her at the Gateport, before the whole world went dark and—

Theirs had been a relationship marked by shame, but he realized now that a large amount of joy tended to follow those moments. And he felt joyous right now, enjoying her warmth, that smell that now reminded him of so many nights slipping into her bed, only to then experience the embarrassment of waking up and being scolded. The embarrassment of sneezing on her and stripping her. Being bathed by her, that also was its own mix of happiness and shame…

"Chisame," Negi said weakly, and then hugged her back, holding her close.

Tsukuyomi raised an eyebrow. "Oh, so you remember now, don't you?"

"Yes…" he said.

The assassin rolled her eyes. "Figures! The Power of One True Love, and all of that rubbish. Haruka-han is going to seethe... and so will the Zero…"

And she made a little wicked grin. "Always a good thing…"

Chisame pulled back, sobbing hard and trying badly to hide it. Negi smiled awkwardly. "Chisame, I'm so sorry. I—"

"MORON!" she said, and punched him in the chest.

It felt like punching a wall, even more than usual, and her knuckles hurt, but it didn't register. She kept on punching him. "IDIOT! IMBECILE! How dare you! You revealed yourself to everyone…!"

He absorbed all the blows without a word of protest, until he saw she was hurting herself and gently kept her hands in his. They were so big now, Chisame noticed, and so strong and callous… She blushed, a feeling made even worse when Erza approached them, still staring in quiet awe at Negi.

"Oh my God…" the woman said. "You are his living image…"

Chisame sniffled, and then looked at Tsukuyomi. "What the hell are you doing with this psycho, too?! Are you out of your flipping mind?!"

"He needed me since all of his so-called good partners were unavailable to protect him at the time," Tsukuyomi said. "For shame, Chisame-han. Why weren't you there with him?"

"Y-You threw us through a huge explosion, it's a miracle I'm even alive!" Chisame growled, resisting the urge to spit on her face. She supported herself on Negi, her legs still wobbly, when had they gone wobbly? Ashamed of herself, she straightened up and coughed into a fist. "And your… boss?"

"We had a fallout. It was pretty while it lasted!" Tsukuyomi sighed. "C'est la vie!"

Chisame glared at her. "Well, scram off now. I'm going to protect him from this point."

"I haven't been paid for my services yet," the blonde raised a finger.

Erza grabbed her by an arm and grumbled as she pulled her down a side alley, leading everyone away before the guards arrived. "Whatever the terms of your contract were, I doubt they included sneaking away during nights and harassing citizens. I'd say those are solid grounds for a termination of contract."

Negi gasped. "Tsukuyomi! Did you do that?!"

"It's the only way I can earn myself a decent meal now," she said, beginning to pull Erza along another way instead. "Come on, I'll show you the kind of ratty trap Negi-han has us living in now! Don't be afraid, I'm not taking you anywhere else. Tell them, Negi-han!"

The boy sighed. "Y-Yes, we're currently living over there, it's safe. Um, it seems that you've been looking after Chisame, th-thanks for that, Miss…"

"Erza," the tall woman said. "Erza Scarlet. I knew your father."

Negi's eyes lit up. "You did…?!"

"You can talk about that later!" Chisame said. "Listen, we saw Kugimiya, they've got her as some kind of slave for the asshole running the arena! Didn't you know about that?!"

Negi exhaled. "Ah, that. As a matter of fact, yes, I knew. Misa-san is there, too. They contracted a heavy debt upon arrival, so they have to pay Tosaka-san with their services. Part of why Kotaro and I are fighting is so we can pay their debt off."

"And he couldn't announce we'd found them either, especially since they aren't safe yet," Tsukuyomi said with an indifferent yawn. "Honestly, you people don't even need us to ruin your lives. You do a fine job getting into fiascos on your own!"

They had just stopped before a large, dilapidated house by a closed market. "We've rented this property for the duration of the tournament," he told Chisame and Erza before rapping his knuckles on the door. "Please open," he asked in a low voice. "I found her already…"

The door creaked open from the inside, telling Chisame that whoever was opening had been waiting by its side. Sure enough, it was Kagurazaka, in a light blue sleeping gown, who blinked at her in surprise. "Chisame…?!"

"Hey, Kagurazaka," Chisame said blandly as they hurried inside, Negi dragging Tsukuyomi in by an ear like an unruly child. "Please don't make a scene out of this. I'm with the Vice Prez, she's fine, and this here is—"

"CHISAMEEEEEEE!" Asuna cried, enveloping her in a bone crushing hug.

"GAAAHHHH! LET ME GO! LEGGO, YOU SUPER STRONG DUMB GORILLA! YOU FORGOT YOU'RE MUCH STRONGER THAN ME?! WHEN DID YOU BECOME SUCH A DAMN SENTIMENTAL?!"

Erza smiled. "Why, Chisame! The way you'd described your friends, I almost thought that they hated you or something…"

 

"Guys, guess who's here!" Asuna shouted, slamming open the door of the room where Yue and Skuld were sleeping.

"Aaaahhhh?!" Skuld yelled, all but falling off her bunk. Yue simply sat up on hers, frowning and pulling her sleeping mask off.

"This better be good..." Ayase said.

"It's Chisame! Chisame's here, Negi's plan is paying off after all!" Asuna said excitedly. "And she says the Vice Prez is with her too!"

Skuld rubbed her eyes with a fist while Yue began hopping on a foot towards the bathroom. "Ah, I see," the Norn said. "That's good, at least until she learns that Negi doesn't remember her."

"Um, yeah, about that..." Asuna began.

Chisame waved blandly at Yue as she saw her emerging from the room, making her way to the toilet. "Evening, Ayase. Looking good."

"Evening," Baka Black replied in the same way. "You too," she added, and then locked herself in the small room with the little duck sign on the door.

"Ah," Erza said. "So that's the famous Pee Girl."

"Yeah," Chisame answered. "She's rather tolerable, actually. It's Haruna you have to look out for."

From another bedroom, out peeked a blue eyed blonde head, covered by a very light layer of brown fur and ornated with two cute dog ears. "Oh?" this person said. "Ah, you are more of the Professor's compatriots?"

Chisame looked at this stranger in perplexity until Negi rasped. "Chisame, this is Collet Farandole, we met her while we were hiding in Ariadne Academy, and she's followed us during our travels, being rather helpful and supportive. Collet, this is Hasegawa Chisame, and this is Miss Erza Scarlet."

"I see..." the dog girl, fully stepping into sight and troubled by a strange sensation that she should know this Scarlet person from her name. She was barefoot and wearing a long, blue sleeping shirt. "Pleased to meet you! Asuna has talked a lot about you, Class Rep..."

"That's Ayaka," Chisame said.

"Ah, sorry, I misremembered," Collet replied. "You actually look a fair bit like a Class Rep. You have the face for it..."

Another girl, rather shorter and flat chested, yawned and mumbled while walking out after Collet. She had long pink hair, lighter in tone than that of the Narutaki twins, and a cute and delicate face. Her sleepwear consisted of a fancy and frilly white gown reaching down to her feet in slippers. "What's all of this commotion?" she asked. "Is the madwoman- Ah," she stopped, fully waking up at the sight of Chisame. "You!" she said, recognizing her since she'd studied Negi's cards more intensively than Collet had.

"Aaaand this is Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière," Negi said, "my-"

"I'm his Master!" Louise quickly interrupted him, assuming a stiff authoritarian pose.

"His Master! I see." Chisame looked at Negi. "What do you think Evangeline is going to say about this?"

Negi flinched a bit. "It's a complicated story... I have become her Familiar, since I answered her summon upon my arrival..."

"A Familiar like Chamo, you mean?" Chisame asked. "What kind of stupid bull is that?"

Louise was about to protest energically at this assesment of her relationship with Negi, but Erza distracted her with her question. "Louise, huh? Let me guess. Are you the daughter of Karin of the Heavy Wind?"

Louise's eyes widened as she looked at her. "Do you know my mother?!"

"We fought together in the wars against the Phantom Tribe," Erza said. And then, after pausing, "I heard about Cattleya, naturally. My condolences."

"Ah... Thank you," Louise said, lowering her gaze and sounding almost human for a moment, which startled Collet. "W-Well, if you truly are a friend of Mother, then you are more than welcome at my house, of course..."

"I wouldn't say we were friends... but close enough," Erza said, smirking as Yue came back from the toilet, wiping her hands dry with a small cloth. "You seem to be like your father even in this regard, Negi. He always would have beautiful women following him around anywhere."

"Beautiful women and Louise the Zero," Tsukuyomi said, ignoring Louise's latest sharp glare. "But what Shorty lacks in stature and beauty, she has it in blind luck! Did you know that she was the first one to make a Pactio with Negi-han when he arrived here? Even before he finished landing, as a matter of fact! A true maneater, in the proud tradition of Tristain..."

Chisame became an ice sculpture while Negi seemed to shrink in dreading anticipation.

Tsukuyomi frowned and slapped herself on a knee. "Oh, come on! You of all people should be used to this by now...!"

"Separation has made her more vulnerable on the subject, that would be my guess," an amused Erza said while Asuna walked back in, holding a tray of drinks in a hand and dragging a yawning Rito by the other, the boy holding loosely onto the Keyblade while Kotaro followed them.

"Hey, you've gotta try this root beer! It's really good, and- Ahhhh, you're frozen," Asuna came to a halt. "Either Sextum's here or you've been told about Louise-chan, Yue and Lena-chan already..."

Chisame's ice exploded in all directions. "Who the hell is 'Lena-chan'?!"