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OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by OverMaster, Aug 27, 2018.

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  1. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Reverse Flash. The guy from the 'It was me, Barry!' meme. Flash's archenemy.
     
  2. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Two Feet.

    'Boss' Maroni threw the acid from the bottle at Dent.

    Fortunately, the Batman acted fast and punched Maroni in the face. The gangster lost balance and the acid only touched Harvey's left foot.

    The District Attorney howled.

    ---

    Later, in his bed, he brooded to his wife.

    "My career is over, Gilda," he said. The man lifted his deformed foot. "Look at what crimefighting did to me! Justice failed us! The only thing I can do now is flipping a coin to decide between good and evil, embarking into a life of crime as the gang boss known as Two-Feet!"

    Gilda blinked. "Harvey," she said at last, "that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

    After a moment, he said, "It is, isn't it? Guess I'll only have to limp and walk with a cane from now on, huh!"

    And so he did.
     
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  3. wellis

    wellis Well worn.

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    Bah! He can still have crazy villain name, like One Foot! :p
     
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  4. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    But he's Cooler, and he has a Keyblade.

    "You'll remember me, won't you, Sora?" Winnie the Pooh asked.

    Sora smiled. "Of course I will remember you, Pooh."

    The small bear put a paw on his own heart. "Because... friends should always remember each other. If I ever forgot you, I'd feel... I forgot how it feels, but it'd feel bad. Like there's something missing inside me. And it must feel that way if you forget me, I think. Friendship is very important. Friends are all we h--"

    Christopher Robin walked in. "Hi there, Pooh! Who's your new friend?"

    Pooh looked up and down at him. "Who are you?" he asked him.
     
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  5. Neo3932156

    Neo3932156 Know what you're doing yet?

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    You may not be much of a bear, Pooh Bear, but damn do you have to go for the jugular?
     
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  6. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Funny part is that wouldn't be too ooc for comic strip! Pooh.

    If I have time later today I'll try to post some examples from the strip. Pooh could be a real jerk there.
     
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  7. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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  8. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Negi Springfield and the Chocolate Factory.

    "What is this?" Chisame asked, seeing Negi pull in a large package left on the doorstep.

    "I'm not sure. But it's sent from the Wonka Chocolate Factory." Negi breathed out. "Remember that contest in the news a few months ago, before I arrived from England?"

    "Yeah. It was all over the Net..."

    "Well, I got one of the golden tickets," Negi said casually. "I had no use for it so I gave it to Percy, a classmate."

    "You just gave it away?!"

    Negi looked at her. "Why would I be interested on a tour of some chocolate factory?"

    Chisame sighed. "For a child, you're too weird. So...?"

    "Let's unwrap it," Negi said, doing just that. He blinked several times at the life-size, extremely detailed and lifelike figure of a boy near his age. It seemed to be screaming. Negi finally picked the note attached to it and read aloud faintly. "The ticket was originally yours, so this is yours, Mr. Negi."

    He and Chisame looked at each other in mild horror.

    Satomi walked by. "Oh, chocolate!" she said with interest, grabbing a finger, snapping it and eating it before they could stop her.
     
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  9. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Batman 89.

    The Joker kept on looking at the quickly approaching Batplane. He gestured at his right hand man. "Bob. Gun."

    Bob gave him a huge gun with a very long barrel. Without looking at him, the Joker aimed at him and pulled on the trigger.

    But no bullet came out.

    The Joker blinked and looked at the barrel while the Batplane kept on approaching very quickly. "Did you remember to reload this thing?"

    Bob blinked as well. After a moment, he hissed in fury, pulled a normal gun out, and shot the Joker in the chest.

    Up there, in the still very quickly approaching Batplane, the Batman gasped. He flew over the gang as the Joker hit the floor, and disappeared from sight between the buildings.

    Bob stayed there, looking down at the Joker. After several moments the Batman came in, stomping angrily. "Why did you do that!?"

    "Huh, you landed that thing rather fast," Bob said. "Where did you g--"

    "That doesn't matter!" Batman growled. "He was mine to kill! I had a revenge to fulfill on him!"

    "He had just tried to murder me! What was I supposed to do!?"

    "RRRRRRRRRRRR!"

    "I'm not... dead yet...!" Joker gurgled from the floor.

    Batman and Bob looked down at him.

    Bob gestured at the Joker. "Happy now?" he asked Batman. "Have it your way then!"

    Batman paused. "I don't know... Suddenly, I don't think I can do it...."

    Bob slapped himself on a knee. "Oh, come on!"

    A nearby manhole was pushed open from below. A small head with a top hat on popped out, that person pulled an umbrella out, and shot the Joker through the head.

    Batman and Bob glared at the stranger.

    "Look, I'm not going to be even more outstaged in the sequel!" the stranger growled.

    ---

    Cue Danny Elfman's theme.
     
  10. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    The Fine Arts.

    And Nodoka began singing, beautifully.

    "I hate every ape I see. From chimpan-a to chimpan-z. No, you'll never make a monkey out of me. Oh, my God, I was wrong, it was Earth all along. You finally made a monkey...Yes, we finally made a monkey... Yes, you finally made a monkey out of me!"

    Undaunted, Yue stood her ground before her and began singing as well.

    "A superstitious, cowardly lot! They plan and plot, but they always get caught! Their evil schemes all come to naught! A superstitious, cowardly lot!"

    Negi and Haruna sat at the sidelines, watching their duel.

    "I hate it when they discuss theatre," Haruna confided him.
     
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  11. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Love and Pride.

    Madoka came back from another afternoon with the SOS Brigade. She spotted Misa splayed on their couch, seemingly depressed. That was a very rare sight.

    "What happened to her?" Madoka asked Shiina.

    Sakurako shrugged. "Today, she saw Bookstore singing."

    "She... She sings even better than I!" Misa whined. "I can't forgive her that!"

    "What? Misa, that's not like you!" Madoka said. "True, you may be petty, grudge prone, egocentric and selfabsorbed..."

    Misa groaned but did not argue the point.

    "But you'd never let something like that keep you down!" Madoka finished. "You wouldn't be like this even if Bookstore started targeting Negi romantically!"

    "Of course I wouldn't, that, I could cope with," Misa said soberly. "I know I'm more beautiful, and even if I weren't, fair is fair, we met him the same day at the same time. I can deal with competing with the Vice Prez, and she only met Negi-kun much later! But--"

    "But?" Madoka folded her arms.

    Misa stood up, put a hand on her own heart, and stated very seriously, "But music is different, because we are talking about my first love here!"
     
  12. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    Unequally Christmas Carol.

    "Hey, Negi," Asuna said. "We're going Christmas shopping. Wanna come?"

    "No, I'm too busy with the project," Negi said, hunched over the schematics. "That's much more important than Christmas!"

    "You have no holiday spirit!" Asuna said, dragging Chisame out.

    "Why does he get to stay and I dooooooooooooon't!"

    "Bah, humbug," Negi said once he was alone. He was a big smart boy, he had outgrown that Santa foolishness, after all!

    He eventually fell asleep at the table.

    When Asuna and Chisame returned, they found him surrounded by a small, cute female Christmas of Times Past-chan, a tall, athletic tomboy Christmas of Times Present Onee-chan, and a smaller yet, pale, Goth loli and pouting Christmas of Times Yet To Come-chan.

    They all were hugging him.

    "Aisaka will want to hear about this," Chisame said, laconically.
     
  13. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    What a Dumb Old Man.

    Someone knocked on the door.

    Negi went over to open.

    Nagi Springfield stood there, smiling at him. "Hello, Negi. I finally found you! You can't imagine how much I had to fight for this!"

    Negi blinked at him several times before bawling his eyes out.

    "STUPID OLD MAN! I WAS SUPPOSED TO FIND YOU! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING, I HATE YOU!"

    And he slammed the door on his face.

    Nagi blinked to himself. "What."
     
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  14. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    The Day Negi was Abducted.

    "You are late," Chisame told him as he entered the apartment. "What took you so long?"

    "I was kidnapped," Negi said mildly, taking his dress jacket off.

    "What!? And why didn't you call us!?"

    "Because I was off-planet, the cards don't have a signal that far. There are good news and bad news, the good news are that I saved Earth!"

    Chisame scowled. "And the bad news?"

    A beautiful long haired girl in a tiger print bikini walked in past Negi. "There aren't any bad news, Darling, don't be silly!" she said, giving Negi a casual pat on the head, and a soft electric shock.

    Then she dropped some luggage at Chisame's feet.
     
  15. OverMaster

    OverMaster Well worn.

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    The Fate franchise is the creation and intellectual property of Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon.

    ---

    We Come to Kill Emiya Shirou.

    ---

    "You might be wondering," Tohsaka Rin said, "why I have summoned all of you here."

    "... orgy?" Sessyoin Kiara said.

    "DEFINITELY NOT!" Rin roared.

    "Revenge," Kotomine Kirei said detachedly. "But ask yourself, Rin, if your father were still alive, you wouldn't be able to dictate your own fate, and if your mother were still alive, you'd still have to look after her and--"

    "We'll discuss that later!" Rin gritted her teeth, playing with a certain blade. "But that's not the subject for today's meeting, either!"

    "You want to solve our differences in a single all out brawl where we murder each other until there is only one to claim the Grail," Waver Velvet guessed. "How Rider of you."

    "It's not that bad an idea," Fujimaru Ritsuka said,stuffing her mouth with Cheesy Poofs from a bag.

    "If I wanted to kill you all in a single sweep, I wouldn't have shown up and I'd have rigged the whole place with explosives, triggering them from a distance," Rin pointed out.

    "Are you sure you aren't my sister?" Illyasviel von Einzbern asked, very impressed. "Because that was SO VERY Dad!"

    Emiya Shirou blushed, staring fixedly at Rin's face. His heart was beating faster now. Matou Shinji, who sat between him and the upset Sakura, winced away from him.

    "Are you sure you aren't being Tsundere about wanting an orgy?" Kiara asked Rin.

    "I DON'T WANT AN ORGY!" Rin said. She slammed her foot down.

    "Then what do you want?" a bored Roche Yggdmillennia yawned. "I knew I shouldn't have come..."

    "What do we all have in common?" Rin asked, folding her arms.

    "We are all struggling for our dreams and illusions, fighting hard for the futures we believe in! Even though we occasionally may disagree, we are all brothers and sisters in the battle for a better tomorrow, and eventually we'll find common ground!" Fiore Yggdmillennia said with a beautiful smile.

    Everyone around the table stared at her.

    Caules Yggdmillennia closed his eyes. "Sis..."

    Fiore blinked. "Did I say something wrong?"

    Flat Escardos looked at Shirou. "Did she?"

    "Why were you also staring at her if you didn't think so?" Shirou asked patiently.

    "Because everyone was doing it," Flat said, all candid honesty.

    "We all would have something to provide in an orgy?" Kiara raised a hand.

    "MENTION ORGIES ONCE AGAIN AND I'LL KICK YOU OUT!" Rin threatened her.

    Bazett Fraga Mc Remitz sighed. "We are all Masters, we know it. So?"

    "And where are our Servants?" Rin asked.

    The others all blinked.

    "Why didn't any of you bring your Servants to a meeting called by a rival in the Holy Grail War?" Rin asked this time.

    Kiara pouted. "Hans never does anything I tell him to if I don't use a command seal!"

    "Saber went fishing with Lancelot, Gawain, Bedivere, Tristan, Gareth and Percival," Shirou said.

    "Mordred went to chase Artoria-san, Lancelot, Gawain, Bedivere, Tristan, Gareth and Percival," Sissygou Kairi answered.

    "That stupid Meduseless must be somewhere sucking the blood out of women," Shinji grouched. "Deviant! Pervert! Immoral filthy monster! What a creep! Yeeech!"

    Everyone, Kiara included, stared at him now.

    "WHAT!?" Shinji exploded.

    "At least I don't rape," Kiara said with disgust. "Too much."

    Waver rasped. "Rider is planning his next world conquest..."

    "In World of Wild and Wily Warfare VII?" Caragiri Jinako asked.

    "It's part VIII, are you seriously still stuck in VII?" Waver frowned.

    Jinako blushed and hewed. "Anyway, Launcher is out there... doing out of the house things..."

    "What kind of things?" Shirou asked.

    "I don't know! How am I supposed to know about the things people do outside!" Jinako whined. She pointed at Rin. "Tohsaka-san, you'll pay for making me go out and come here!"

    "Okita-san is out playing with Nobunaga-san," Akagi Kanata said placidly. "They are such good friends, ha ha!"

    "Who are you?" Celenike Yggdmillennia asked him.

    "Nero is practicing with Liz-chan!" Kishinami Hakuno said.

    "I have no idea where Morgan is, why should I care?" Beryl Gut shrugged and put his feet on the table.

    "Caenis went to make Mordred company at chasing King Artoria, Lancelot, Bedivere, Tristan, Gareth and Percival," Kirschtaria Wodime said.

    "Richard grabbed Robin-san and said he was going to recruit his own fishing party to equal Artoria-san's," Sajyou Ayaka said.

    "Oh, so that's where Archer went to," Dan Blackmore hummed thoughtfully.

    Lil' Ronnie grabbed a hasty handful of Cheesy Poofs from Ritsuka's bag and started stuffing her own mouth madly.

    "Do you mind!?" Ritsuka said.

    "Did any of you bring any of your Servants along!?" Rin demanded of them.

    "..." they all told her.

    Finally, Shirou raised his hand sheepishly. "Do you want me to summon Saber here, Tohsaka? I still have one command seal left..."

    "That's not the point, you dummy!" Rin snapped.

    "Oh, stop acting so high and mighty, brat!" Celenike scoffed. "Is your Servant around then?"

    "No he isn't! That's the problem, see!?" Rin said. "They all have come to ignore us altogether! They have forgotten that we are Masters and they are Servants!"

    "Ooooooohhhhh!" There was a collective sound of understanding across the table.

    Rin nodded and put on some glasses. "Good thing that you understand now!"

    "I don't," Flat admitted.

    "Then did you say 'Ooooooohhhhh' too?" Shirou asked.

    "Because everyone else was doing it!"

    Rin turned a Power Point display on. "As you see--"

    The Power Point only showed a blank screen.

    Sakura stood up, walked to the Power Point, and fixed it.

    "Thank you, Matou-san," Rin said stoically. She pulled a pointer out and aimed at the list on the Power Point display. "As you see, these are the main issues we face as Masters now!"

    The list went

    Type-Moon fandom.

    Haters.

    Treble.

    Sakurai.

    OverMaster fanfiction.

    Meteo stalling.

    Schedule Slips.

    Lack of NP skip feature.

    Ritsuka began clapping.

    Tsukihime fans.

    Mahoyo fans.

    China server censorship.

    ONOIRE ARCADE.

    Ankoman.

    Uppity Servants thinking they own the (bleep!) place.

    The Alien God, I guess.

    The Velber, if they ever show up at all?

    Kiara.

    "Oh, Rin-san!" Kiara beamed. "I'm so honored!"

    "This can't be allowed, Servants have taken over the whole procedures! What would my father think?" Rin shook her fist up. "We must teach them a lesson, to regain our honor as Masters!"

    "Your father was a cuckold simp who summoned a Servant who whipped him, and--" Matou Zouken began.

    "Shaddap!" Rin said. "The point is that we barely matter anymore! At this rate it'll be only a matter of time before the only way any of us gets anything to do is if we're posessed by someone into turning into Servants ourselves!"

    Bazett, Caren, Jinako, Shirou, Sakura, Kirei, Illya and Waver all looked at each other.

    "That is correct," Jean Rum pushed her glases up her nose elegantly. "Like Shakespeare would say, we have lost all narrative importance as protagonists of our own stories."

    "Who are you?" Kanata asked her..

    "Servants summoning Servants! Stray Servants who show up on their own! Kirei! Ruler Servants moderate wars now, making your role obsolete!" Rin barked.

    "You have a point, Rin," Kotomine said. "We do have a pride to defend. What do you suggest?"

    "We'll show the Servants by reminding them how much they need us!" Rin boasted. "This is our era! We'll see how well can they do without us!"

    "Isn't that kind of giving them what they want?" Tine Chelc asked softly. "That is, if we go away, and they keep on functioning as before, we might be proved as irrelevant."

    "Oh, I always was irrelevant at life so I don't mind!" Jinako giggled.

    The others stared at her in horror.

    "TOHSAKA!" Ophelia Phamsrolone bellowed. "LEAD THE WAY! BEFORE ALL OF US ARE TURNED INTO CARAGIRIS!"

    Waver shuddered. "What a horrible perspective!"

    "Even I fear that one," Flat said in a sober tone.

    "HEYYYYY!" Jinako said.

    Rin nodded. "It's up to us, then, to stage the Remind the Servants who are the Masters counter-strike! By the time we're done with them, they'll finally be thankful to us over our generosity!"

    "And then we'll celebrate with an orgy, right!?" Kiara began clapping happily.

    Rin kicked her out through a window.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2024
  16. wellis

    wellis Well worn.

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    Yeah it is sad how Fate got overtaken by Servants and the Masters slowly got forgotten. :(
     
  17. Anonymous Brainwash

    Anonymous Brainwash Ex-Lurker

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    It only makes logical sense, Servants by definition need to be some sort of memorable/legendary badass.

    Masters can be any Magus, skill nor resolve required. Not to mention that there’s a soft limit of sorts in the kinds of Magus that can be involved with summoning Servants.

    Either they’re exceptions that aren’t complete assholes, or they’re complete assholes.

    Heck, they aren’t even guaranteed to be competent. Remember the Master of Caster in the 5th grail war?
     
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  18. wellis

    wellis Well worn.

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    You mean Kuzuki?

    And frankly I think the problem was that writers took the wrong lessons from Stay Night. The 5th Grail War was a backdrop to explore ideas and themes about Shirou.

    And endings like Sunny Days, or Hollow Ataraxia, as an example, could've been used as springboards to explore Masters & Servants in events outside of Grail Wars.

    But everyone got into and focused on the spectacle of the conflicts instead, which IMO caused Fate to stagnate.
     
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