[RWBY] Jaune BS Self Insert

[AJ_Talon]

Isabel and Jaune are chatting a bit over tea and cookies.

Isabel: "You are doing pretty well in your classes... Though you did very poorly at the start!"

Jaune: sighs "Yeah, I did. Mainly because someone didn't let me study or train to be a Huntsman!"

Isabel: flush "... Parents do make mistakes... But honestly, could you fault me for wanting to protect my baby boy and want him to be safe and helping the world?"

Jaune: "... Kind of, yeah?"

Isabel: crushed, depressed, super gloomy

Jaune's Brain: Oh shit I said that out loud! "N-No, I mean... Mom, I get why you wanted me to be a doctor and all! But Mom... That's not what I wanted. I wanted to be a hero, like you and Dad! And I know it's gonna suck and I know you want through a lot but... You went through that to save other people. And that's what I want to do, too."

Isabel: "Well... Um... I get that. And... Well... You can handle yourself. Somewhat well..."

Jaune: "I'll get better, I promise. Besides... You can't protect me forever."

Isabel: sighs "That is true. Still... You were so reckless!"

Jaune: "Yeah, I know."

Isabel: sighs "I had hoped you would take more after me, but you took after your father."

Jaune: "Mom, you literally overthrew a government in a violent revolution."

Isabel: blush "W-Well, um... It was the right thing to do?"

Jaune: "Uh huh."

Pyrrha: "AHEM."

Pyrrha, Ruby, Yang, Blake, Weiss, Nora and Ren are there. Glaring at Isabel.

Isabel: "... Something I can help you with?"

Ruby: "Yeah! You made Jaune want to hurt himself!"

Pyrrha: "You made him contemplate suicide!"

Yang: "He thought he was worthless and had no chance in his life!"

Isabel: "HE WHAT?! YOU WHAT?!"

Jaune: "NO! Nonono, it's fine, it's fine! It uh, it was um-!"

Isabel: hugs him tightly "MY POOR BABY! YOU WERE SUFFERING ALL THIS TIME IN SILENCE AND I FAILED TO NOTICE! I'M SO SORRY, SWEETIE! UWAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Jaune's Brain: Me and my big mouth...!

 

[AJ_Talon]

It was perhaps inevitable that Jaune would get Adam Taurus' attention. Of course, Jaune had hoped they wouldn't meet when he'd been kidnapped by the Faunus terrorist group, and he wasn't tied up and bound to a chair in some sleazy warehouse.

Jaune's Brain: Okay... Stay alive, that's thing one. Staying alive, staying alive, uh uh uh uh-DAMNIT! That'll be stuck in my head forever! Right, also? Do not panic. That's the big one. Second... Or third... Get as much information as possible and keep your mouth shut. Don't be snarky.

Adam Taurus appears, walking slowly towards him with his lackies surrounding them. A single spotlight is on over the two of them.

Jaune: "... Sooo... Leather trenchcoat huh? Bit of a fashion risk this season."

Jaune's Brain: DAMNIT!

Adam: "Leave us."

His minions leave them alone.

Adam: "Do you know why you're still alive?"

Jaune: "Many possible reasons. But I'm gonna guess most of them have to do with Blake?"

Adam: "Yes... It was not enough for her to betray us. Betray me by siding with Ozpin. She also had to... To lay with a human?!"

Jaune: "Woah woah woah! Woah! We haven't done anything! I have a girlfriend! I'm just Blake's friend."

Adam: "I was her friend too! More than that!"

Jaune: "Um, yeah."

Adam: "Ours is a tragic romance! You would never understand-!"

Jaune: "She's basically the princess of Menagerie and unless her parents have another kid, she's the heir to their political power. She's also an effective hostage. Don't try to wax poetical with me, buddy: You were grooming her so that when her parents stepped aside, you'd be king of the Faunus."

Adam: "... The fact that would happen is not out of malice. It is natural for Faunus kind to be ruled by the strongest. She would be my queen! She would be my everything!"

Jaune: "Uh huh?"

Adam: "She has betrayed me... But I'll teach her the error of her ways. And one day, she will embrace me. She will be mine. Everything will be mine!"

Jaune: "Oh wow... Did she do a number on you, buddy."

Adam: "What?!"

Jaune: "Okay... Look Adam. She was never as much into you as she was into feeding her drama queen complex."

Adam: "What do you mean?"

Jaune: "I mean you two were together happily fighting the good fight and then, all of a sudden, she gets squeamish about offing humans? Then she goes to a school, and somehow gets it into her head that I'm her new true love. Which I do not agree with, just want to make that clear."

Adam: "What the hell are you getting at?"

Jaune: "What I'm getting at is... What if we're both being played by her need to be a tragic heroine? Misunderstood? In the middle of drama?"

Adam: "She-She's not like that-"

Jaune: "She literally told her parents that I was her fiance and she was carrying my child. Just to stir shit up even though she KNEW I was dating her partner! Her friend! Come on man! Hasn't she done stuff like that before?"

Adam: frowns "... She did say our relationship had gotten a bit... Stale. Date night was not exciting her anymore."

Jaune: "There, see? What better way to get the thrill back than by a twist right out of her romance books? The White Knight and the Dark Knight fighting over a tragic Ninja Catgirl Princess!"

Adam: "It... It is a recurring theme in her fanfiction-NO! No, you have to be tricking me!"

Jaune: "Adam. Adam, bro. Right now, we're not human and Faunus. We're men. Men who have been done wrong by a crazy drama queen of a girl. You know it in your soul."

Later... RWBY and JNPR bust into the warehouse.

Blake: "JAUNE! I'M HERE TO SAVE YOU!"

If Adam had hurt Jaune over her stupid insecurities she would never forgive herself!

Pyrrha: "JAUNE?!"

Ruby: "JAUNE!"

Yang: "JAUNE?!"

They arrive in a chamber... Where Adam and Jaune are having some beers. Adam is crying as he sits next to Jaune, while Jaune pats his shoulder.

Adam: "She-She told me crossdressing was manly! But I never felt like more of a whore!"

Jaune: "Yeah, yeah... That's rough buddy. The roughest."

Yang: "... The hell...?!"

Blake: "Wha...?"

Adam: glares "Blake... I..." Looks at Jaune, who nods "Blake, I am very upset over you betraying us and abandoning me. I realize you have issues but that does not mean you get to abuse mine just so you can be the center of your own drama!"

Blake: "... Hwah...?"

Adam: "It's not fair to me, the movement, your parents... Or Jaune! He has a girlfriend!"

Jaune: "Yup. Hey guys!"

Adam: "Human or Faunus, we all deserve some basic respect! So... I'm breaking up with you."

Blake: "Wha... I BROKE UP WITH YOU!"

Adam: "No, you just ran out and left! This is me breaking up with you!"

Blake: "But-But I ran out all dramatically! I cut the train cars! We drifted apart, literally and metaphorically-"

Adam: "UGH! See? You always do this! ALWAYS have to make it like we're just characters in your little dramas! I'M A MAN WITH FEELINGS, BLAKE!"

Weiss: stares at Jaune "... What did you do?!"

Jaune: "Honestly? No idea. I just make things up as I go along."

 

[AJ_Talon]

Ruby and Jaune were sitting down to play some video games. It's a fighting game, which Jaune's SI sucks at. Hard. However, Jaune is actually very good at such games. So in the end...

Jaune: "Ha! All right! We're tied!"

Ruby: "No fair! You just button mashed the right combo!"

Jaune: "It's called skill, Crater Face. Don't be jealous of it!"

Ruby: "I'm not. Hmph. Besides, I flattened you five games straight with Phoenix Mistress!"

Jaune: "That's because Phoenix Mistress is broken."

Ruby: "Ha! Sounds like someone's just jealous of my skills~!"

Jaune: "Yeah yeah... Oh! I've gotta get going."

Ruby: "Your date with Yang, right?"

Jaune: "Yup! I'm taking her somewhere wild."

Ruby: "Like a big dance club?"

Jaune: "Nah, we've done that a few times. We're trying something different wild."

Later... Jaune and Yang dismount off Bumblebee and walk to the zoo entrance.

Yang: "Heh. You know, I haven't been to the zoo in a while."

Jaune: "Oh? I haven't been in forever! Not since a class trip my Nana organized. I was like six."

Yang: "Heh. Did you cry at the any point?"

Jaune: "Yang, I was six. Of course I cried."

They enjoy themselves, looking at the animals, and eating snacks they smuggled in. They take a break near the tiger exhibit on a bench under a tree. Peacocks run wild around, eating stray french fries.

Yang: smiles "... This was fun."

Jaune: smiles back "Yeah."

Yang: "Just chilling out, looking at the beauty of nature... Well, what's left of it."

Jaune: "Hey, come on. We're not thinking about work or Grimm right now."

Yang: "Yeah, I know. But it's like... Habit. Like with Ruby. I can't help thinking she's gonna go sledding off the top of Beacon or something and break her neck."

Jaune: "She's not that reckless... Usually."

Yang: "Yeah but... It can be hard to not worry." Grumbles "I could not worry when I was at the clubs because I knew she was asleep and... Ugh. I'm talking about my fifteen year old sister like she's a baby!"

Jaune: "Again, it's cool Yang. I get it." smiles "I actually like your maternal side."

Yang: flush "G-Geez... Again with that?"

Jaune: "What? I think you'd be a good mother. The best."

Yang: blushes harder "Quit it! You're being weird and-and mushy and sincere!" sighs "Why don't you just, I dunno, say I've got nice tits or something?"

Jaune: "You don't have nice tits."

Yang: "Eh?"

Jaune: "You have amazing tits."

Yang: laughs "What?! You just said it?!"

Jaune: "I'm not lying am I?"

Yang: giggles "Geez... What's gotten into you?"

Jaune: "Well, we've been dating a while. We're comfortable with eachother." He holds her close and nuzzles her "We can both be more open because we're in a better position."

Yang: teasing "Oh? What's your preferred position then, Stud?"

Jaune: "You in my arms. Where you belong."

Yang: blush "D-Damnit!" laughs "You're so corny...!"

Jaune: grins "Thought you liked corny?"

Yang: "It's rough on my ears."

Jaune: "Well, good thing we're not in a maize, huh?"

Yang: laughs "That was terrible!"

Jaune: laughs with her

They just sit and relax in the sunlight, holding each other in silence. Yang clears her throat.

Yang: "So... Uh..."

Jaune: "Hm?"

Yang: "I watched you playing video games with Ruby."

Jaune: "Yeah. She kicked my ass a lot."

Yang: "Well... You want to learn how not to get your ass kicked?"

Jaune: "... Okay?"

Later... At the local arcade... They're playing the same fighter game on a big console.

Yang: "Dash then strike! Don't forget to block! Come on, you cannot possibly be losing to this!"

Jaune: "Sorry. I have literally never found you hotter than right now."

Yang: blush "You said that when I made you breakfast in an apron!"

Jaune: "Don't make me choose!"

 

[AJ_Talon]

Jaune: "Hey Sage. What's your Semblance anyway?"

Sage: "Psychometry. I can tell the history of any object by touching it."

Jaune: "Oh, cool!" Hands over Crocea Mors "What can you tell me about Crocea Mors?"

Sage: touches it "... Huh."

Jaune: "What?"

Sage: "You were pretty brutal to that White Fang terrorist-Oh. He called Yang a slut."

Jaune: "Yeah, I think that's grounds for beating his ass."

Yang: "Aw, my man~." Kisses him "Mmmm~..."

Sage: "Ahem... But I did not need to know that about your sex life." Hands it back

Jaune: "Huh? How much could you tell about it-?!"

Sage: "The Space Light Wizard and the Sexy Evil Imperial Assassin?"

Silence.

Ruby: "YANG! EW!"

Yang: "What?! How many other guys are built like Jaune AND have read the Thawn Trilogy?"

Sage: "I would envy your luck but my girlfriend is sexier."

Jaune: "Good on you, man."

 

[AJ_Talon]

After thwarting another White Fang attack... At the docks...

Jaune: "Phew! Glad we took them down pretty easily."

Glynda Goodwitch shows up along with the cops.

Glynda: sighs "Well, at least you called ahead of your vigilante excursion, Mister Arc, Miss Rose."

Yang: "Wait wait wait... You have Professor Goodwitch's Scroll number?"

Jaune: "Uh, yeah... Why is that weird?"

Ruby: "I mean... Why do you have that?"

Jaune's Brain: Because you guys are maniacs who would cause massive property damage and get us all in jail if I didn't call ahead... Plus geez, I still need a lot of work and it's amazing Miss Goodwitch is willing to give me extra instruction! Seriously, she looks strict but she's like a total softy! Not that I'm complaining, I need all the help I can get but boy was I wrong about the portrayal in the show! She's so kind and such a good teacher...! I really gotta do something nice for her...

Jaune: "Because we need someone to bail us out and she's really nice? Also she gives me extra tutoring sessions."

Yang: red eyes "Does she?"

Pyrrha: strained smile "Oh?"

Ruby: "Extra...?"

Weiss: "Training sessions...?"

Blake: "..." Mild nosebleed

Nora: "Hey! What about the rest of us?!"

Ren: "She is a very kind teacher, indeed."

Yang: "How... Often and long are these training sessions, hmmm?"

Pyrrha: "Yes... That would be very nice to know..."

Jaune: Wha... Oh come on... They can't be jealous, can they? Come on... I gotta defuse this quick...

Glynda: "What are you implying, Miss Xiao-Long, Miss Nikos?"

Jaune: "Uh, guys, I have to do a lot of chores for her. Get her coffee, make her dinner, clean up after her. It's all just boring stuff!"

Glynda: GLARES "Do you have to make me sound like a failure of an adult, Mister Arc?"

Jaune: "I uh... That's not what I meant! But you really should cut down on cup noodles!"

Yang: snerk

Weiss: "C-Cup noodles?!"

Pyrrha: staring in betrayal

Glynda: "Sometimes I don't have time for a proper meal! Arc is a decent cook!"

Yang: "You're making him cook for you?!"

Ruby: "Is it naked apron?!"

Jaune: "RUBY!"