[RWBY] RWBY Shorts

[SharkCultist]

A fun idea. Jaunes parents actually did try to train him and are super confused by how it went.

He was amazing, a absolute prodigy when they used foam or wood swords. As soon as they picked up love weapons all that skill disappeared. Same with any other weapon.


People cotton on when Cardin spray paints jaunes sword hot pink.

As soon as his sword LOOKS like a toy jaunes skill shoots up by a frankly ridiculous amount.

So they redesign all his armor and items to look like playthings.

Weiss and Cardin are both super annoyed by him being better than them now and literally making it look like childs play.

 

[Gur40]

SNIP

Click to shrink...

Jaune being super competent at everything except sparing as a knight will never not be funny
He's better with his Semblance then people that had it there's for years
He has more Aura then 2 entire teams
He is terrifying effective at analysis when given time, not so much at putting it into words
Just as good at survivalist as Ren and Nora
Cooks with Ren
Most likely can code from Terra and Saph and his other siblings skills that passed on to him
Is amazing with kids and raising animals
any skills i missed?

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fucking CRWBY love of drama

Spoiler: How they treat the cast

Porn fic atleast let the Hero WIN

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Besties

Spoiler: Weiss vs Ruby

who else?

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Instead of a Hound Cinder ends up a Rat

Spoiler: its growing

No Aura but bypasses Aura
Can absorb magic but is holding it instead of giving it to Cinder
was at Elbow now at Shoulder

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Semblances went from Early Naruto Shippiden to Boruto

Spoiler: Semblance Differences

Gillian vs Jaune is something i want to see because if Jaune gets the power to disrupt or take Aura he's the main character its' over

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RNJR Ruby and Ren

Spoiler: I want them to talk more

and V9 speaking of

Spoiler: W BY R V9

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Blake is a Porn Brain Rotted Rich Girl With Black and White Insanity

Spoiler: What She Thinks Team RWBY Was

vs

Spoiler: Reality

Blake is always in a leash but who holds it is on rotation

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If Raven Talked Them Into Taking Over Minstral

Spoiler: Summer Lived Crime Family

Ironically The World is Safer when the Heroes can just hire assassin to kill Grimm Cultist instead of the other way around? Who knew
Tai Head Master and Raven still had Vernal as the Tribe do protection for the villages
Roman never makes it out of Minstral Alive
Neo isn't raised by a Spider Cultist Mom
They still go to Beacon to keep Oz on there good side how does it go?
I remember something on Ruby apricating the quality of Jaune fakes and being good at lockpicking

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It is a crime they didn't just build a giant robot to fight the whale
Ruby the weapon obsesses Girl is Given a infinite weapon creator and didn't abuse it?

Spoiler: Can Salem even use the Staff?

 

[AndrewJTalon]

RWBY and the rest of JNPR were in the gallery over the main Council Hall, watching Jaune at work. He was at the podium, giving a speech on a bill.

Jaune: "... And as demonstrated on the holo, our military readiness has been drastically below historical norms, even accounting for the peaceful times we find ourselves in. Relying on Atlas and private Hunter Guilds is clearly not doing enough to deter bandit and Grimm activity in frontier settlements or even near major cities, and incursions by the White Fang and other rogue actors are increasing. Furthermore, our bases in Mistral have been getting by with second hand supplies in multiple instances, and our replacements for our frontline carriers are now three years behind schedule. Is this how we treat our fighting men and women? This anti-military sentiment may win votes but the reality is that the Valean Defense Force desperately needs more funding, and more respect. While I myself do hope to become a Huntsman in the future, I respect the fighting men and women who join the VDF to serve their country. They deserve better! Thank you, Madame Chairwoman."

Yang: "Huh... He's actually pretty good. He at least explained everything in an easy to follow way."

Weiss: "For you, clearly."

Yang: "Hey! I'm not the dumb blonde!"

Ruby: "No, just a traitorous one."

Yang: "What?! I said I was his girlfriend so he wouldn't get attacked by groupies, that's all! I'm just doing my job to protect him!"

Pyrrha: "Really?" Ominous smile "Don't you think you should have informed the rest of us before you did that?"

Yang: "What for?" Deadly smile "Seems like you had your shot and blew it, Cereal Girl."

Pyrrha: "Oh? Did I? Perhaps I can make my own luck with your misfortune."

Yang: "What kind of misfortune?"

Pyrrha: "Broken bones."

Yang: "Bring it on, Red! Maybe getting tended by Jaune in the hospital afterward would be worth it~!"

Weiss: "Would you two please stop?! Not here, have some decorum!"

Ruby: "Yeah!"

Nora: "Yeah! Whatever that is. Ooh! Look! The Puppy eating Lady is speaking!"

Blake: frowns deeply

Ruby: "Puppy eating lady?!"

Prunella Glocken takes the podium opposite Jaune, and smiles rather unpleasantly.

Prunella: "Thank you, Madame Chairwoman. While young Councilman Arc clearly has spirit, his inexperience is showing. Overall Grimm attacks have been falling in recent years, and our alliance with Atlas has ensured we don't need to spend nearly as much on our defense forces as in the past. Mister Arc may have grown up with tales of his Nana and Papa's heroic deeds in the Great War when Mantle and Mistral were our enemies, but that time is long past. Perhaps his love of battle, glory, and headlines with his delinquent girlfriend makes him imagine that fiscal and political realities don't matter. But they do. I hope the young Councilman will learn to temper his arguments with more wisdom going forth, and maybe keep his girlfriend in line. Thank you, Madame Chairwoman."

Yang: "What?! That bitch!"

Chairwoman Browning: "We will take a quick recess before final statements by both sides. Thank you."

Jaune headed off to his office, his bodyguards in tow. Nobody said anything until they were back in his office.

Yang: "Where does she get off mocking you like that?! I'd have punched her in her smug face!"

Weiss: "The nerve! She didn't even have a real argument, she just used ad hominen!"

Ruby: "Yeah! Ad what?"

Ren: "It means she insulted Jaune."

Ruby: "THE NERVE!"

Nora: "Want me to break her kneecaps, Jaune-Jaune?"

Jaune: sigh "No."

Nora: "Reeeeallly sure?"

Jaune: "Yes." He sits at his desk and rubs his eyes "I mean... I put a lot of work and effort into that presentation. But she just insults me, makes me look like a kid and she'll probably have the votes to beat down the bill."

Pyrrha: "Come on Jaune. You did a very good job. I think a number of Councillors were swayed. You laid out the facts and tried to appeal to their better natures!"

Blake: "Which seldom works in politics."

Ren: "Agreed. Most politicians are not like you, Jaune. They will be asking 'what's in it for me?'"

Jaune: "Hmmm... So, what's in it for Prunella Glocken to maintain things as they are now?"

Ren: nods "Yes."

Weiss: "Well, she does deal extensively with the SDC-I've seen her at many functions my father throws when he's doing business with Vale. So clearly, Atlas getting more defense contracts over Valean companies is in her interest."

Ruby: "That's despicable!"

Jaune: "But unfortunately, it's only rumors, not hard evidence-"

Blake hands over some documents. Jaune blinks and looks them over.

Jaune: "What the... These are emails where Prunella Glocken is communicating with how she'll get paid handsomely for suppressing the native Valean Defense industry?!"

Blake: "Yes. Sorry I couldn't get more but I believe this is enough."

Jaune: "Wha-Where did you get this stuff?!"

Blake: "Probably best not to ask such questions. Plausible deniability."

Ruby: "Blaaake! I thought we talked about you going all cat burglar!"

Blake: "Why do you think I got these documents by those means?"

Ruby: "So, can we send her to jail with this?"

Weiss: "No, that would require a lot more political capital than we have... We could blackmail her into voting our way."

Yang: "Seriously?"

Weiss: "What? That's politics!"

Jaune: "... No. No, I won't do that. Besides, if she demanded an investigation, that might get you in trouble, Blake. I'm not going to play by her rules and I'm not going to potentially sacrifice a friend."

Blake: smiles, pleased

Jaune: "I have a better idea."

One hour later, the Council reconvenes. Jaune takes his podium.

Jaune: "Madame Chairwoman, thank you. I would like for everyone to-"

Nora: "JAUNE-JAUNE!" She rushes up and holds up her Scroll "I HAVE WORDS THAT ARE IMPORTANT!"

Prunella: "What the-Why is one of your groupies disrupting proceedings, Mister Arc?"

Jaune: "Huh... If the Chairwoman would indulge me?"

Chairwoman Browning: raises an eyebrow "Perhaps a bit of indulgence is warranted for young Mister Arc."

Jaune: "I suggest everyone check their Scrolls and VNN."

They do so. Jaune helpfully projects it on the holo. Lisa Lavender smiled as she read the news.

Lisa: "-Once again, our top story: Councilwoman Prunella Glocken is implicated in a scheme to take bribes from the Atlasian Defense Industry to keep the Valean Defense Industry down. As these documents prove, and accompanying emails, the Councilwoman has been doing this for years and-"

Prunella Glocken, bright red in anger, glares at Jaune.

Prunella: "What kind of a smear campaign is this?! You arranged this-this fraud!"

Jaune: "Me? I've been here the whole time, check the security cameras. All my friend did was alert me to something I think everyone should know."

Prunella: "Of course you had something to do with this! The timing is too convenient!"

Jaune: shrugs "I think you have bigger problems than me, Councilwoman-"

Chairwoman Browning: "Enough. I believe we will adjourn for today. However, Councilwoman Glocken: Rest assured, we will be launching an investigation into these claims, as we would with any such news stories."

Browning hits the gavel on her podium, and she heads out. Prunella shoots Jaune a nasty look as she leaves with her caucus. Ozpin and Winchester come up to Jaune.

Ozpin: "A bit dramatic, Mister Arc."

Rufus Winchester: "And could have used better execution..." smirk "But well done."

Jaune: Poker faced "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Ozpin: chuckles "Of course. We'll have the vote on the defense bill tomorrow. I believe it will go better this time... But do try to be more discreet in the future."

Jaune leaves, meets his friends in his office... And sighs in relief.

Jaune: "Well... We got away with it. For now." He smiles at Blake "Thanks Blake. How can I repay you?"

Blake: "Well... I wouldn't mind if you took me out to dinner."

Yang: "Hey! I'm his girlfriend!"

Jaune: "Eh?"

Pyrrha: "I didn't hear him say that!"

Yang: "We might as well make it official since we've been on a date!"

Ruby: "It's not official!"

Pyrrha: "Exactly! Besides, I should be his-his pretend girlfriend! I'm his partner!"

Ruby: "I'm his best friend!"

Yang: "You're way too young! We don't need him getting associated with Repstein Island!"

Ruby: "I'M ONLY TWO YEARS YOUNGER!"

Weiss: "Honestly, you're acting like children. You should all calm down."

Jaune: "Uh, thanks Weiss?"

Weiss: "You're welcome. After all, I should pose as his girlfriend. I'm the most respectable."

Pyrrha: "Not by half you are!"

Jaune watches in disbelief as the five girls argue over him. He looks over to Ren and Nora, who are sitting on the couch.

Jaune: "Uh... You guys wanna jump in?"

Ren: "I'm straight."

Nora: "I love you Jaune but I'd only consider it if you brought Renny in, too!"

Jaune: "What?!"

Nora: "I have my limits!"

 

[TheEldritchPriince]

Jaune did half-ass it, because he lacked time to apply connections.

Next time, though, if he can apply connections, well, it'll be far harder to point fingers

 

[AndrewJTalon]

A very silly idea... And addition to the Arc Clan: An old friend of Nick Arc's. A famous showman, singer, and dancer... Kermit D. Frog.

Weiss: "Wait, how does a Paladin Hunter know one of the most famous showmen in history?!"

Kermit: "Ah, well... Nick and Isabel actually saved our bacon once during a Grimm attack! Quite literally, in Piggy's case."

Piggy: "And you haven't brought the bacon home yet, Kermie~!"

Kermit: "I keep telling you, Piggy, we're just friends."

Piggy: "Uh huh. That's not what you said last night~."

Kemit: "Ah, Piggy-"

Fozzie: "You might say Piggy a-boars you, ehhh? Ehhhh? Wakka wakka!"

Kermit: "Fozzie, please don't help-"

Fozzie: "You Lothario you, you swined and dined her! Ahhhh?"

Kermit: "Fozzie, enough-!"

Fozzie: "Honestly, with how often you pretend you two aren't together you might say you have... Ham-nesia? Ehhhhh? Wakka wakka-!"

Kermit: "Enough already, Fozzie!"

Piggy: "Honestly Kermie, why must you act so ashamed of me? Is there another woman in your life?"

Fozzie: "With you around, he doesn't have any more room! Ahhhh?"

Piggy: "HI-YAH!"

Fozzie goes flying.

Fozzie: "AAAAHHHHH!"

Weiss: "... Okay, now I can see it. They're just as weird as the rest of your relatives."

Jaune: "Weirder."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Cinder: "And this is my plot for the Vytal Tournament! Any questions?"

Statler: "I'd call this a medium plan!"

Waldorf: "What's a medium plan?"

Statler: "It's not rare, and it's not well done!"

Waldorf and Statler: "DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

Statler: "Boy that Cinder Fall is in a class of her own!"

Waldorf: "Sure is! Everyone graduated ahead of her!"

Waldorf and Statler: "DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

Waldorf: "I gotta say, I think Emerald's barking up the wrong tree when it comes to Cinder."

Statler: "Really? I thought it was her performance was wooden!"

Waldorf: "Well let's face it, she's nowhere near as big a bitch as Cinder!"

Waldorf and Statler: "DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

Statler: "You know, for an assassin named after the Greek God of speed, I'd thought Mercury would be quicker."

Waldorf: "On his feet?"

Statler: "On the uptake!"

Waldorf and Statler: "DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

Waldorf: "Oh golly, I do love Neo. I always loved pantomime."

Statler: "You old fool! She's been talking this whole time, your hearing aid battery's out of juice!"

Waldorf: "What?"

Statler: "I said your hearing aid is out of juice!"

Waldorf: turns it up "Why, it's fully charged!"

Statler: "HA! Got ya, ya old coot! Every time you fall for it! Hahahaha!"

Waldorf: "Joke's on him! I was never watching her mouth!"

 

[TheFabulousCustodes]

They could be Jaune's Great Uncles.....

 

[TheEldritchPriince]

They're why insulting Jaune won't work. They've heckled him all his life, putting down anything he did while also showing him where to look for how. It's not that they hate everything, their standards are just ludicrously high.

So naturally, when the Fall of Beacon happens and they aren't doing color commentary, they show off what it means to meet their standards

 

[AndrewJTalon]

"Hey, look at Little Red down there with that scythe! Thinks she's Death himself!"

"With how often she trips over that cape, there's only one thing she's likely to reap!"

"What's that?"

"Herself!"

"DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

"Check out the Ice Princess! Thinks she's a ballerina with fancy swordplay!"

Statler scoffed. "Ballerina? Her footwork's so stiff, she's more like a figurine in a music box!"

"There's one difference between her and a music box!"

"What's that?"

"I'd want to listen to the music box over her!"

"DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

"Oh, look at Blondie! She's got more firepower in her hair than her fists!"

Waldorf chuckled. "Yeah, but her punches hit like a wet noodle compared to her ego!"

"Her Semblance lets her take hits and get stronger!"

"Well given all the losses she's been catching, she should be invincible!"

"DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

"Hey, look! The Cat Girl's being quiet and not yammering on about prejudice and what have you!"

"I guess that proves how catty she truly is!"

"How?"

"She caught her own tongue!"

"DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

 

[TheFabulousCustodes]

What does Statler and Waldorf's semblances do?

 

[AndrewJTalon]

What does Statler and Waldorf's semblances do?

Click to shrink...

They can summon their balcony and remain invincible while it's active. But the only offensive power they have is roasting other people.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

"So, how's our great-nephew Jaune doing?"

"Well, he's not much of a knight or a squire, despite how hard he works. Poor kid."

"I think I know which role would suit him best!"

"What's that?"

"Court jester!"

"DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

"Still, how about that Pyrrha Nikos? Beautiful, talented, amazing! Bet she practices that hair flip in the mirror!"

"So do I, but you never compliment me for it!"

"You old fool, you barely have any hair left!"

"Still more than you, ya old coot! Hahahahaha!"

"Still, that Pyrrha Nikos might make Beacon into a wonderful institution of higher learning and defending the people!"

"So totally different from what it's been up til now!"

"DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

"Wow! Thunder Thighs down there's got enough energy to power a Dust mine!"

"Yeah but her brain's running a 3 watt!"

"A 3 watt? That's not too bright!"

"Neither is she!"

"DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

"Look at Mr. Zen, all cool and collected! Bet he's meditating to ignore how boring he is!"

Statler grinned. "Boring? His fighting style's so plain, it makes white bread look spicy!"

"Still, he's got the perfect Semblance! He's invisible to Grimm."

"Heck, he's so dull he's invisible to everyone!"

"DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Sun Wukong, tail swishing as he spun Ruyi Bang and Jingu Bang, flashed a grin at his team. Statler scoffed. "Monkey Boy thinks he's the star of the show! Bet he spends more time grooming that tail than training!"

"Ha! With how he chases after that Cat girl, he's not grooming! He's gooning!"

"DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

Waldorf zeroed in on Scarlet next. "Check out the Redhead with the pirate act! Thinks he's a swashbuckler, but he's more like a deckhand!"

Statler smirked. "Deckhand? He'd get seasick in a kiddie pool!"

"Also, how is he able to fly?"

"His Semblance lets him as long as he's thinking happy thoughts!"

"With his team, I know how he's gonna end up."

"What?"

"Grounded!"

"DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

"Big Green down there looks like he could crush a Grimm with one hand! Too bad his strategy's as dull as his sword!"

Waldorf nodded. "Dull? He's so slow, the Grimm'll die of old age before he swings!"

"DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

"Blue Hair's got all the swagger, but he's too scared to use a Semblance that makes everything wet?

Statler laughed. "Well, that explains his love life!"

"DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

 

[JerkRyanShadowWanker]

These are emails where Prunella Glocken is communicating with how she'll get paid handsomely for suppressing the native Valean Defense industry?!

Click to shrink...

Well that's treason, I wonder how that information would get handled in the King!Jaune au. Striped of position and power at minimum, given the deaths cause by having weak defences probably rope and a tree or a beheading.

 

[Delta/Soul]

Statler and Waldorf dealing Emotional Damage!

 

[LordofBones]

No longer able to let Sun live a lie, Neptune reveals the horrible truth: Sun is an ape faunus, he wears tail extensions, and his banana habit is a psychological exercise to avoid his real quirk - thumping his chest and yelling at the top of his lungs.

 

[mgl1206]

No longer able to let Sun live a lie, Neptune reveals the horrible truth: Sun is an ape faunus, he wears tail extensions, and his banana habit is a psychological exercise to avoid his real quirk - thumping his chest and yelling at the top of his lungs.

Click to shrink...

Gorillas have a really small "extra leg" in comparison to every other primate out there. So does that mean Sun is….. well you get what I'm asking

 

[Gur40]

We do not talk about Sept 21

Spoiler: Soul Eater Resurrections

death is cheap is Soul Eater
and mistakes have consequences

Spoiler: He's Cooked

Crossover Friendships

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Also shitposting

Spoiler: Pre-Blake and Post-Blake