Seven Colours (Naruto)

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038 - Encroaching Terror
(or ‘Thirty shades of hype’)​

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So, turns out Karin bonded with her cousin during the exam. Far from the worst possible outcome, to be sure, even if I was kind of screwed by it. Interacting with the blonde ball of cheer during this next month is a big NO in my books, and I have no idea what I’ll do about it.

… Well, okay, I have a couple of ideas. And not even half of them involve breaking anyone’s legs, but it’s still an awkward position to be in.

In spite of my internal screaming, the day ends on a high note with Sakura dragging Naruto away to visit Shadow the Edgehog, who is at the hospital because of all that [Cursed Seal of Heaven] thing. After the scare in the Forest of Death, neither of them are particularly worried now that ‘Kakashi-sensei has it covered’.

I wonder how they’ll react if they learnt their precious sensei only gave The Toxic Avenger an on-off switch for his ‘power in return for sanity’ deal with the devil. How the lazy layabout managed to garner so much trust from those who know him so intimately, I’ll never know.

Anyway, Karin is feeling particularly clingy after the adrenaline-filled week, thus the high note I mentioned. It’s mighty hard to stress yourself about looming doom, dodging Childrens of Prophecy^™ and whatnot in these circumstances.

All too soon, the first of the last days of my life arrive. I take a moment to watch the sun rise in the horizon and contemplate on everything that’s led to this moment. Then Karin grabs my wrist and drags me out of the room.

“Come on, Ran.” She states as she pulls me along the corridors of the hotel towards the onsen. “It’s been way too long since I last took a warm bath, and I need someone to wash my back.”

Maybe I should leave brooding to the experts and dedicate my efforts to more meaningful aspirations. Like pampering my Karin.

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I hate perverts. I super hate super perverts. And there’s a special place in hell where Jiraiya will go after Pein kills him. That is, if I don’t manage to poison him first. Better yet, string him by the balls with ninja wire. Then set it on fire. Then dig out those marvellous compounds that liquefy your entrails and force you to shit half your body mass in the form of slightly chunky salsa.

And then save his life so I can give it another try.

I never was a fan of him, in either of my lives, but I never suspected I’d join the ranks of indignant women who truly hate his guts. Maybe I’m a woman now, but I consider myself pretty laid back about my modesty and body image. I’m a dull person with a dull appearance and I know it, there’s nothing to do about it and anyone desperate enough to ogle at me certainly deserves some pity.

Catching him spying on me during my morning bath would’ve earned him a look of exasperated sympathy, and maybe make me move a bit so nothing truly awkward ends up in display. And that would pretty much be it.

Problem is, I’m not alone this morning.

Only the pressing need to avoid making waves for the next month keeps me from pulling out the mustard gas and making him -and about a square mile past him- sorely regret hiding downwind. Great for avoiding smell-based detection, not so great when faced by a pissed off chemist.

Well, that and the fact he just gave me the perfect excuse to avoid Naruto for the remainder of the month. That earns him a wooden bucket right between the legs and a soap bar down his throat when he opens his ugly mug to scream in pain, never let it be said I’m not a thankful person.

“I’m suddenly not in the mood for bathing.” I declare primly, stepping out of the water while Jiraiya is busy rolling on the floor in pain and foaming from the mouth. Mighty polite of him to at least take the hits after he got caught. “Let’s go find your friends?”

“Naruto-san had plans to start training for the last test.” Karin answers, alternating confused looks between the perverted toad and me before sighing in resignation, making sure her towel covers as much as possible and hurrying to the changing room behind me. “And I doubt Haruno-san will step out of Uchiha-san’s room in the hospital without putting up a fight. Maybe we can take a walk around the markets?”

“Sounds good to me.” Karin never had a chance to see the city, right? We were planning on some sightseeing that first day, but then we met Naruto and that plan kind of went down the drain. “Not going to help your cousin train?”

“Maybe later, if he asks.” She shakes her head with a fond smile, already changing into her clothes. For some reason I’m feeling a bit irritated all of a sudden. “For now I just want to forget about the last five days.”

Maybe I should hint at how Naruto will never ask by his own initiative? Yeah, I probably should. Years and years of being shot down every time he tries can do that to a kid’s disposition. “Come on, they couldn’t have been worse than summer camp with Mother.”

Karin’s hands, already buttoning up her shirt, freeze for a moment and she shivers in place. “That’s exactly the fact I want to forget.”

The morning ends up being quite entertaining. Walking around shops and merchant stalls is much less dull when there’s someone around who is actually interested in their products.

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Those first days after the Forest of Death were the closest thing to utter bliss I’ve experienced in this life. I woke up with Karin in my arms, resisted the ingrained urge to get up without waking her, cuddled for as long as it took her to admit she wasn’t actually asleep either and got up together. Had some light training to get the blood pumping until the sun properly rose into the sky, then had breakfast and wasted as much time as we could possibly justify to ourselves in the onsen washing each other’s backs.

Finally got out of the hotel, realizing once again as I stepped into the streets that this isn’t Kusa and I didn’t have to go find a mission to keep myself useful for the day, so we’d find a park or a forest instead to spend the morning. Along the way, I’d grumble mightily because foreign shinobi aren’t allowed to travel the rooftops, and have Karin laugh at my antics.

Around noon we’d find somewhere new to eat, and let me tell you Konoha has some mighty fine food establishments. It’s not just Ichiraku’s, not even just the various and rightfully renowned Akimichi-owned restaurants. Pretty much everywhere else has to step up to at least vaguely similar levels to avoid bankruptcy, so yeah, this is surely the Great Village with the best food quality. I won’t say the best food in the Elemental Nations because some of the minor kingdoms have great reputations in the field, but I’m sure it’s up there with them.

After that… Well, Konoha was our oyster. I finally had the chance to watch one of the famous Princess Gale movies. Yuki sure is a great actress, and the staging was superb, though I have to say the plot was kind of bland. We also found a bowling alley! I mean, out of all the random knick knacks that could’ve ended up here…

The third day, I even managed to drag Karin into a beauty salon. Karin has never been actually sloppy about her appearance. I mean, she’s grown up with Mother, so that’s impossible (Even I know how to avoid looking like a slob on top of my dullness!) But she’s never really given much thought to seduction missions and the like.

Which is something I can get behind, my Karin isn’t going to honeytrap anyone while I breathe. Still, seeing her all dolled-up for once really made my day. She was so bashful about it she couldn’t even look me in the eye without growing cherry red and looking away. It truly made it worth enduring my own treatment!

Unfortunately, the good days don’t last. After three days in heaven, Karin finally declares herself ‘well rested’ and goes to find Naruto. I don’t pout. Indeed, as the good prospective life partner friend and sister I am, I help her find her cousin in some isolated training ground outside the village proper.

Then I freeze. I mean, I knew what I was going to find, but the pieces of knowledge didn’t properly fit into the emotional response slots until I had the full picture in front of me. That is, a soaked Naruto in his undies arguing loudly with a mouthy orange toad while they try to beat each other up, and an old pervert ignoring them to try and peek past some bushes into the natural pool down the cliff.

Come to think of it, what did Jiraiya teach the poor guy this whole month? Only how to summon? Man that’s sad.

“Karin, we’re leaving.” I grab her wrist and start walking away, dragging her behind without care for the furrows she’s leaving on the ground.

“What?” She protests confusedly, pointing at her cousin with her free hand but not really resisting my efforts to leave. “But Naruto-san is here!”

“Well, that oily creep is here too.” My words cause said creep to perk up, which in turn causes me to immediately regret them. “Oh dear, here we go...”

“I’m no mere creep!” He claims solemnly, jumping high into the air to land on one foot in front of us. “I’m the great, gallant wandering toad hermit! The one who makes men cry and women squeal! The great sage of Mount Myoboku! I’m Jiraiya!”

“Hey! Karin! Ran!” Naruto calls, the toad whose name I’m pretty sure I should remember still hanging from him. “Don’t mind the Ero-sennin, he’s a pervert.”

“I’m not a pervert! I’m a super pervert!”

“A super creep then.” I huff, putting a hand around Karin posessively protectively. “And I bat for my own team, so thanks but no thanks.”

“You’re too young anyway, squirt.” He answers without missing a beat. I mentally add something that preserves his pain receptors to the innard-melting process I have in mind for him. “If you’re not here to admire my greatness or help me get hitched, then shoo away, you’re interrupting my research. … And the brat’s training, I suppose. Or something”

“Let’s go now Karin, I don’t want you catching whatever he has.” Then I turn towards the poor sod who will have the dubious honor of being trained by one of the legendary sannin. “Uzumaki Naruto, you are not my responsibility, but as Karin’s family I feel the need to urge you to find a different teacher.”

Said my piece, I turn to leave.

Overhearing Naruto’s mumbled sulking about there being nobody else almost makes me regret my harsh words. He’ll do just fine under the creep’s tutelage, and me questioning his ability to teach wasn’t intended as a put down for his student. But broken eggs and spilled milk and all that, so I just keep walking away.

That put an end to Karin’s attempts to assist Naruto’s training, though she still met with him a lot outside training. I begged off, feeling a bit guilty about avoiding the guy when this wasn’t his fault, but he didn’t seem to take it too badly. And then he went and called me a shrimp oddball, which is rich coming from the blonde pigmy. Hear those sounds? Those are my feelings of guilt withering and dying.

Naruto-san became Naruto-nii at some point, and I alternated between congratulating myself for a plan well executed and bouts of melancholy with every proof of increased closeness between the two Uzumaki. I’m sure Karin has at least caught on something's going on by this point, but she’s never asked, so I’ve never had to lie to her.

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There’s much that could be said about this time and yet frustratingly little. Every minute spent with Karin was always precious, of course, but what I did while she left to spend time with Naruto and I was free to worry about my plans is a whole different can of worms. When one doesn’t trust their ability to move undetected in hostile land, all preparation must be made beforehand.

Which means I couldn’t do much beyond making sure I knew the village’s layout and prevent my skills dulling from disuse. You can imagine how hard that is when I’m limited to fracking image training, because I don’t dare pull out my toys and risk detection.

Neither can I squander my supplies, lest they figure out more than they should from my shopping list. This isn’t a case of being reasonably paranoid, everything hinges on me pulling off my plans for the Finals to perfection and never getting caught. Which is a terrifying prospect when I know that I live in an anime world and leaving behind the slightest clue can and will screw over any master plan.

I think I’ve clung to Karin a little too strongly this last month. At least in part because of that feeling of uselessness, of wasted time. And Karin noticed my extra clinginess too. I’m pretty sure she’s expecting me to make a move on her any time now, which made me feel like a douche. Because I have a plan to stick to and I doubt I would’ve had what it takes to go through with it if I gave in and started escalating our relationship.

Still, little by little and yet far too soon, the eve of the finals arrived. Karin was so excited about seeing her cousin fight the following day that it was impossible to share a bed with her. So, after futilely trying for a while, I left to take a walk.

I might or might not have ended up near the red light district, in a highly visible bar where I spent my night drinking myself silly. I might or might not have suffered some overtures towards my person, but nobody attempted to take advantage of the very much plastered thirteen years old girl sitting alone at a stone’s throw from the whores’ hunting grounds, so I guess that’s a point for Konoha. Or maybe just dumb luck.

… Yeah, probably just luck.

In any case, it’s maybe three or four in the morning when, feeling and acting far more drunk than I actually am, I allow myself to be relieved of the last of my loose coin and be dragged into a ratty motel room to sleep it off by a grumpy but soft-hearted barman. He chastises me as I stagger into the room, but makes sure the door is properly locked behind him when he leaves.

My slightly addled mind conjures the dumbest of questions about whether that’s how a proper father would care for his drunk daughter, but I’m not drunk enough for my mind to truly go down that path. I doubt I’ll ever be.

Stuppid Shimada blood…

I plop down on the reasonably clean bed without bothering with clothes or sheets, letting the cool fabric soothe my flushed skin. Sweet Madoka, I must look like a mess. Tomorrow I’ll look fresh as a daisy though, my shtupid shimada blood is at least good for that.

With a supreme effort of will, I reach for the scent-masking pill hidden under my forehead protector and put it in my mouth. Since they’re not chakra magic, they’ll take a bit to take effect, but tomorrow I should smell like a completely different person. Not that that would erase the scent trail leading to this room.

The last thought that crosses my mind as I close my eyes is ‘All according to plan’.

“All arodin to p’n.” Meh, close enough.

Spoiler: A/N

The end is coming fast! Maybe as little as one more chapter, depending on how the story wants to flow. Though there’s at least two epilogues after the end.

Spoiler: Galwegian Patreon Plug

A friend explained to me in small words how stupid it was to have a Patreon and not use it, then proceeded to threaten bodily harm if I didn’t at least insert a plug on my stories so… Here’s my Patreon. It’s not much, but it’s mine. Don’t feel obliged to anything but maybe consider a small pledge if you enjoy my works?