An Uncomfortable Truth
So, the past few chapters, me looking over them and confiding with some of the more...experienced people reading the story, I have come to a very...disquieting revelation.
I am really, really, really bad at writing anything involving romance.
That honestly shouldn't be surprising to me. I've only had one girlfiend and she dated me because she wanted a boyfriend, not because she actually liked me. Lots and lots of SHINOBI: The RPG's meat is being based on my personal experience and I've, well, got no experience in this area. So I've got one thing and one thing alone to fall back on: My research and my logic. The problem is that relationships live and die on their emotional weight and I don't have any experience with that at all.
So, naturally, if you think what I'm writing in regards to Anko and Daisuke is garbage, well...that's because it is. It's based on an intellectual knowledge of what the subject is and not on the understanding and empathy that comes with experience. It's part of why Anko and Daisuke are so blunt with each other. Quite frankly, ladies and gentlemen, I suck. I mean, I'm going to leave the chapters dealing with Anko and Daisuke up as a testament to my terrible writing. I'm not ashamed of it, but I am embarrassed.
The bind I'm in is that I really want to write it out and I have no idea how to improve.
I don't think there's an issue with how fast they got married, if only because Daisuke was looking to turn the 'Willing Slave thing' into something that wouldn't annihilate her emotionally and loving her hit like a nuke (because that's how he does things...it's in character). The issue is how things have been executed past that.
Obviously, most of you are better than me in this area. So I ask...please...rip it apart. Frankly, it's only right to ask. I didn't mean to feed you guys mediocre anything, but if I hadn't have done this, I wouldn't have known that this is something I need to work on. So I apologize and I thank you for being willing to stick with me as I try to patch this unacceptable hole in my writing ability.
Good relationships are built on communication and empathy.
Writing good relationships has emotion behind them, people do NOT just magically get along, they fight, they argue. Sometimes about stupid shit. Actually most of the time about stupid shit. The Hokage asking if there was anything they thought was wrong with them is actually pretty on point, because being able to recognize you have your faults is a absolute MUST for any serious relationships. They also will get on each others nerves, but for shit that they never considered a problem. Pacing? Meh whatever, WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING DO THE DISHES. I DON'T CARE IF YOU NORMALLY DECIDE TO NOT EAT ANYTHING!
Arguments like this usually happen because both people aren't on the same page. In this instance Dai feels like when he isn't part of eating, he shouldn't need to worry about the clean up. Anko feels like they should uphold equal if sometimes different responsibilities even if it isn't always necessary. TALKING is how you fix this, unfortunately some people instead of talking let their frustration build up, or get very defensive in their position if they feel like they are being blamed.
The other side of the coin is trying to think about how actions will make someone feel, and including them in your decision making process. Not including your significant other in your big decisions almost always causes a big fight, because it was like their input didn't matter. This is probably going to be a big one for the happy couple in the story. The Daisuke train doesn't really have any breaks, and while Anko probably realizes this, sooner or later she's going to feel kinda shitty. Even being immortal wont fix the disparity that Gamer! powers can give in terms of skills and abilities. He isn't really GOING to be a perfectly equal partner in the relationship.
I have a strong notion Anko is setting up a Harem; Ironically, Harem solution actually helps with the inequality of power, because annoying your waifu is bad but you can make it up to her. Annoying all the waifu can end your laifu. Or at the very least have all those sexy, intelligent, important woman in your life whome you care about, now working together to show you how angry they are at your stupid decisions. Basically it gives more feedback that you have to pay attention to.
You havn't done anything wrong relstionship wise for these characters other than a) Relationship too fast, which people do IRL, and is in line with your characterizations thus far. and b) Harem Ending (Unconfirmed) which is more a western morality kind of thing in terms of realism/acceptability.
One thing for sure, is that while these women might be willing to take a subserviant position, I cannot imagine that Kunoichi are going to become totally submissive, they are taught to use their brains and cunning and solve problems, simply bowing their heads in submission isn't going to happen. And if they do, Daisuke should become very very worried about the terrible things that the action is foretelling.
