1. Due to issues with external spam filters, QQ is currently unable to send any mail to Microsoft E-mail addresses. This includes any account at live.com, hotmail.com or msn.com. Signing up to the forum with one of these addresses will result in your verification E-mail never arriving. For best results, please use a different E-mail provider for your QQ address.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. For prospective new members, a word of warning: don't use common names like Dennis, Simon, or Kenny if you decide to create an account. Spammers have used them all before you and gotten those names flagged in the anti-spam databases. Your account registration will be rejected because of it.
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Since it has happened MULTIPLE times now, I want to be very clear about this. You do not get to abandon an account and create a new one. You do not get to pass an account to someone else and create a new one. If you do so anyway, you will be banned for creating sockpuppets.
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If you wish to change your username, please ask via conversation to tehelgee instead of asking via my profile. I'd like to not clutter it up with such requests.
    Dismiss Notice
  5. Due to the actions of particularly persistent spammers and trolls, we will be banning disposable email addresses from today onward.
    Dismiss Notice
  6. A note about the current Ukraine situation: Discussion of it is still prohibited as per Rule 8
    Dismiss Notice
  7. The rules regarding NSFW links have been updated. See here for details.
    Dismiss Notice
  8. The testbed for the QQ XF2 transition is now publicly available. Please see more information here.
    Dismiss Notice

SHINOBI: The RPG - New Game

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Fulcon, Jun 17, 2020.

Loading...
  1. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    Meh, the only thing I'd change about my appearance is the size of my teeth - they're too large for my mouth and so they grew in crooked.

    But teeth size-customization isn't normally a part of a Fallout's character creation, so it slipped his mind.

    Why would I want to suck on the tit of a stranger who doesn't know what I'm getting out of the experience?

    Seriously, consent and mutual understanding are great aphrodisiacs'.

    You're a strange man.

    He's elated that he's found something of his old world, something that was forcibly ripped away from him some months ago. It was a small comfort he received since coming to a new, alien world with a culture that he barely understood as a result of immense trauma, hence the exaggerated emotional response.

    You've never played Fallout, huh?

    Well, I can't fault you for ignorance, I suppose.

    It's been explained already, so I'll just move on to the next point.

    I was under the impression that Killing Intent could in fact be strong enough to induce suicide. However, it doesn't say anything about it on the wiki page. My handwave for this inconsistency is that if anyone could do it, it'd be special demon chakra from the nine tails.

    This doesn't make him retarded, but the tone of your critique does make you look like a turd.

    It was actually meant that way as a jab at min-maxing character builds. Specifically, one that I believe is fairly common in the Fallout community - dump the useless stat (charisma) and pump the best stats in the game (Int and Luck). Seriously, there is no reason to ever max CHA.

    Playing it straight is meant as a Deconstruction, though I wound up pulling a Decon-Recon switch as we wound up progressing through the fic.

    I'm already two of those. Buff falls under STR and END so that could be fixed with those.

    (of course, you are free to disagree, but if I'm satisfied with my appearance, why would I change it?)

    EDIT:

    Rarely?

    To my knowledge there are no Charisma checks like that in New Vegas, the game he played where this type of check was stadardized.
     
  2. MMMm

    MMMm Know what you're doing yet?

    Joined:
    May 11, 2018
    Messages:
    165
    Likes Received:
    979
    There's one to speak to the Boomer children.

    And a female courier only one, when talking to Betsy. She'll flirt with you if you have 7 or more charisma.

    I don't know of any others.
     
    Oh Bam Ah, Coldbluestreak and Fulcon like this.
  3. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    Oh. Well, crap.

    So, in other words, it's true that charisma checks are never used...from a certain point of view. :p
     
  4. MMMm

    MMMm Know what you're doing yet?

    Joined:
    May 11, 2018
    Messages:
    165
    Likes Received:
    979
    The Nerve feature would actually be really overpowered in this universe, too. It provides a 50% boost to armor and attack damage to your allies at 10 points. In New Vegas, this applied to your companions, but does the game system treat anyone who fights at your side or under your command as a companion?

    The Hokage could give you a "ninja commander" position that gives you authority, on paper, over all Konoha shinobi but in actuality you never use this privilege. But then everyone gets a boost.

    The feature is limited in the game because you can only have but so many companions at once, but a real life scenario means there are no limits on how many friends you can bring.
     
  5. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    Which is why it didn't survive the port to Alternate Reality Console. :p

    Have a cookie, by the way.
     
  6. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2018
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    916
    Okay to answer questions about how much killing intent can do, it is stated that people died in the Kyuubi attack that were never physically attacked in any way. Some may be suicide, some heart attacks, and so on.

    As for concrete examples of killing intent in canon, in round one against Zabuza said swordsman opens with a wave of killer intent, and Sasuke is effected so strongly he muses about committing suicide as a form of escape before Kakashi banishes the effects with his own non-harmful intent.

    Further still in round one against Orochimaru in the forest of death pure killing intent from snake man was all that was necessary to paralyze Sasuke, and Sakura. The only way to escape was Sasuke taking advantage of the generally allowed self-harm reaction to shock himself into motion.

    Yes, Killing intent can have big effects, but you need a big gulf in power. Like say, experienced Jonin to snot nosed Genin who has had like one actual fight, or an S ranker against moderately tested Genin.
     
  7. MMMm

    MMMm Know what you're doing yet?

    Joined:
    May 11, 2018
    Messages:
    165
    Likes Received:
    979
    You could have kept it. It's actually a perfect power representing the trade off of sacrificing your own strength to benefit others.

    Is buffing potentially an infinite number of people even an overpowered ability considering what happens in the War Arc? You're on brand for this universe and making everyone better with the power of friendship.

    And your guy's already got Tsunade's strength, so all he can dip into the medic skill set for keeping people alive so they can get back in the fight. He's got all the tools to be a true hero.

    Imagine the Konoha Crush happening except nobody dies and the ANBU are actually useful. All while Daisuke gives inspirational speeches as the entire village stands in defiance against the Snake Sannin.

    It ends with a combo attack from Jiraiya, Hiruzen and Daisuke erasing Orochimaru and then Hiruzen announces before the gathered crowd of bloodied shinobi that he's stepping down and declares Daisuke the new Hokage. Daisuke is the embodiment of the Will of Fire and causes the flames to burn brightly in the hearts of his friends.

    Naruto is upset at first, but then he remembers that he said he'd be the next Hokage, so technically that's still true as long as he eventually becomes Hokage at some point, because he's then the next one.
     
    Coldbluestreak and Fulcon like this.
  8. Jacobs lash

    Jacobs lash Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2019
    Messages:
    273
    Likes Received:
    1,112
    Kakashi was harmed by his lightning chakra when inventing the chidori if I remember correctly.
    (I may have gotten mixed up with fanon)
     
    Coldbluestreak and Fulcon like this.
  9. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2018
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    916
    Not quite. The technique was too dangerous to use at first because the user moved too quickly for normal reaction times to kick into effect. Chidori without either a Sharingan or maybe MAYBE Int 10 with high Per is hella dangerous.
     
    Coldbluestreak and Fulcon like this.
  10. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    Uh...okay, this post is excellent and is deserving of chocolate-chip accolades. Have a cookie.

    I haven't actually said one way or the other in story if the nerve mechanic made it in or not, so I guess I have some time to think about it.
     
  11. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2018
    Messages:
    302
    Likes Received:
    916
    The way I see it there's three primary options. You could make it not exist at all. You could make it a native feature of the stat. Finally, you could take the middle road and make it a feat with requirements based on how hard you wanted it to be to get. Could even have it be a listed feat that doesn't get taken to add background flavor if you need to make the system feel more complex.

    Also it would only ever be relevant on group level combat if it existed. There are fights in New Vegas where you have non-companion help, and to the best of my knowledge they don't get the buff.
     
    MMMm and Fulcon like this.
  12. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    Taking the week off, everyone. Need some time to recharge my batteries and consider how the arc turns out. I mean, I know how it turns out, but I need to figure out the details.

    Thanks for your patience, have a cookie. :)
     
    Flutters Is Shy, Mike45 and MMMm like this.
  13. prussian-granadier

    prussian-granadier Versed in the lewd.

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2018
    Messages:
    1,605
    Likes Received:
    11,327
    so another thing I can see being done with thunder style is the use of electricity since storm style is light, magnet style is magnetis, and lighting style is lightning then thunder style would count for every use of electricity that we haven't seen in the series

    one of those would be using electricity to sense the world around you be it by using the same electric sensitivity that sharks do or by the use of static electricity.



    Static shock shows what should be possible with this style, including making any surface incredibly sticky by using electrostatic



    it could also be the application of actual electricity onstad of lightnig, effectively making him able to use invisible electric jutsu, since actual electricity is invisible
     
    Coldbluestreak and Fulcon like this.
  14. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    Progress Report: 1k words done.

    This chapter was hamstrung by a...Manic Episode? I'm not sure I can call it that, but that's the closest thing I can think of to describe it, where I went kind of off the wall and really needed to stay away from my computer before I did something I regretted. That...and there was no way I could focus while going through that.

    Anyway, things are back to normal now. I hope to get the next chapter out soon, but I won't make any promises.

    Thanks for your support, everyone! I brought a plate of cookies for you to munch on while you wait.
     
  15. Threadmarks: Chapter 14: The Eyes Have it! - Violence
    Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    The Following is a fan based work of fiction: Naruto and Naruto: Shippuden are owned by Shueisha, Viz Entertainment and Masashi Kishimoto. Please support the official release.

    * * *
    You cannot wait while enemies are nearby.

    It’s the driver.

    I can’t think of anything else.

    It’s the wagon driver, snapping the reins of the oxen driving this cart.

    Which begs the question, why is someone hostile to me driving a wagon escorted by my team?

    Why is it stopping me even though he’s not attacking me right now?

    This is going to drive me crazy.

    Hisako walked up next to me. “Still can’t do your thing, Daisuke-kun?”

    “Nope,” I replied, aggravated. I dropped my voice low. “...you didn’t happen upon anything about the driver while you were out and about, did you?”

    Hisako shook her head. “We looked. He checks out. Maybe you’re just being paranoid?”

    That’s not how this works! “Thanks.”

    She blinked and her face got red. “Th-that’s not what I meant! Maybe, uh, maybe your just a little sick or something! A bug! Yeah, that’s it.”

    She has no idea that her suggestion actually works on multiple levels. Doesn’t have a clue. Still… “Sure, a bug. It’s possible, I guess.”

    “Well, I hope you get over it soon,” Hisako replied sheepishly. “So...uh, oh. The front of our formation’s a bit exposed, I’m going to cover it.”

    She hung her head and speed-walked to the front corner of the wagon.

    Well, that’s unfortunate. But I am desperately hoping that she’s wrong because if I’ve run into a bug, I am going to go paranoid. What if once I’ve hit 10 Charisma, it winds up flipping back to 1 Charisma because I tried turning a page and changing one of the settings at the same time? What if I clipped through the terrain? What if my Hitpoints are permanently set to infinity because I accidentally dropped my book in water?

    ...wait, that last one would be a good thing, but the point stands! Things could go very, very wrong in lots and lots of different ways. Unfathomably bad.

    Whoa, whoa. Hold it, Daisuke. You’re making yourself tense for no reason. Think of something relaxing.

    Like Anko.



    That’s not relaxing.

    “Daisuke,” Lee walked up to me. “I was curious, when we were talking last night, about expanding our tools, you didn’t mention anything you’d use.”

    “You’re right,” I said with a nod. “I didn’t.”

    “If it’s all right with you, I wanted to ask if you had any ideas,” Lee said brightly.

    “Well,” I began. “I was thinking of trying to add Lightning Chakra to my punches. You know, give my enemies a little shock.”

    “A fantastic idea!” Lee beamed. “But are you sure you can do so without the Lightning Chakra damaging your fists?”

    I blinked. “My own chakra can’t do that, can it?”

    Medicine Check Failed: 27 / 30.

    “Ah, it can, Daisuke-kun,” Kakashi-sensei piped up from the rear of our convoy. “It’s why I created the Chidori. I had failed to introduce lightning chakra to a technique that my own Sensei had given me so...I improvised.”

    Wait, really?

    “Uh...let me test that,” I began, bringing my fist up. But before I did that, I turned to the Driver. “I’m going to do some Jutsu. Will that scare the oxen?”

    “Nah,” Arai shook his head. “We’ve been around enough Ninja that I don’t think you could even startle them.”

    “Cool,” I said, making the same loop I had last night...then I added Lightning Chakra.

    Chakra Control Check Success: 100 / 45.

    Chakra: 75 / 85.

    Right, it’s a way simpler construction than the Rasengan.

    Ninjutsu Check Failed: 29 / 45.

    Well crap!

    215 / 235 HP.

    They weren’t kidding about the self damage either!

    I broke the loop immediately and watched as my Chakra Bar refilled.

    “Son of a-” I cursed under my breath as I dug a water canteen out of my storage scroll and took a couple gulps.

    235 / 235 HP.

    Banished the pain, and the burns along my hand, with a few chugs of water. No two ways about it, I’m a blessed man.

    “Are you okay, Daisuke-kun?” Kakashi-sensei sounded a bit amused.

    Charisma Check Success: 7 / 4.

    To be fair, I did just learn what he was trying to teach me the hard way and he thought it was funny.

    “I’m fine, just a few burns,” I replied, putting my canteen back where it belonged. “No big deal.”

    “What do you mean, just a few burns?” Hisako yelped in alarm, back pedaling to catch up with me. She seized my hand to get a closer look. “That stuff is serious! You could permanently...lose the use...of your...hand?”

    No burns on my hand, and she was staring at it trying to find the evidence of damage that simply was not there anymore.

    I smirked. “I heal quickly.”

    “B-but...but...but,” Hisako stammered out in confusion. “I mean, I guess, but I thought it was…”

    She was cut off by the sound of Kakashi-sensei clearing his throat. He made a slicing motion across his throat and pointed at Arai.

    “Yeah, I guess you do,” Hisako replied, voice shaking a little. “Anyway...back to the front.”

    She zipped ahead at a sprint, her face red from embarrassment. She probably thought I was annoyed by her and to be honest, she wasn’t wrong. Though to be fair to her, she is concerned about my well being and I could have permanently damaged my hand there if I was, you know, normal.

    Just wish she wouldn’t worry; her worrying makes me feel guilty and I don’t like that.

    Charisma Check Success: 7 / 7.

    Hisako was also anxious because she was trying to figure out a way to get me to dump Anko and date her instead. Feels like the end of days is coming and she’s desperately trying to fight it. So long as I showed due respect for her feelings and didn’t try to fix them (and by extension, her) she...might be willing to share.

    ...seriously, the more I think about getting a harem, the more it starts to make sense. But I have to keep the girls and what they want into consideration. When I get back to Konoha, I’ll request copies of harem law so I can piece together how to get this to work.

    Because there’s a way I want to do this and a way transcribed by law, and I want to make sure they’re compatible.​

    * * *​

    “Whoa there,” Arai pulled the oxen to a stop. “Nature’s calling.”

    “Again, I have to warn against wandering off into the forest alone,” Kakashi-sensei pointed out blandly.

    “Yeah, yeah,” Arai waved it off, standing up and hopping off the cart. “See you in a few.”

    He walked off and Kakashi followed after, leaving us behind. Lee started practicing Kata, Gai watched him. Hisako pulled out one of her kunai and started sharpening the blade. Tenten pulled out a kama and started doing the same, and they started chatting again. Neji sat with his legs crossed beneath him in a meditative pose. Nichiren started playing with his ninja wire.

    I’ve got a theory.

    The reason I can’t Wait right now is because he is doing something hostile. Like a Genjutsu.

    “Kai!” I quietly dispelled.

    You cannot wait while enemies are nearby.

    Wait, I just remembered. Things like slaughterfish in Skyrim or feral ghouls in Fallout would stop you from fast traveling or waiting even if they haven’t yet aggro’d. That’s my situation here.

    That’s really annoying.

    Charisma Check Success: 7 / 6.

    Worst part is that my traveling companions don’t necessarily believe me when I say we’ve got enemies around. Then again, what are they supposed to think? The guy is apparently on the level. I guess I’m just used to NPC’s not being hostile until their faction tags are well and truly switched because that is when that stage of the quest has reached the kill the boss part of the plot.

    And he is definitely a boss fight waiting to happen. The way he’s so sure of himself, wandering into bandit infested woods by himself.

    “Arai and Kakashi-sensei are wandering into an ambush,” Neji announced, immediately standing. “Fourteen bandits have set up a trap.”

    Wait, there’s fourteen people over there? Why aren’t they over here?

    Gai-sensei froze and clear his throat. “Kakashi probably has this, but just in case, I will move to assist him. Guard the wagon, we’ll be back shortly.”

    Then he disappeared so fast I had no hope of tracking him.

    Now, I’ve got a question.

    Kind of bugging me.

    Why is the boss of the mission tagging along on the top of the wagon that we’re escorting? What’s the plot of the mission? Is there something that’s going to happen once we get to the end? A trap? A surprise dungeon, perhaps?

    Is there something in the wagon?

    “Hey, Hyuuga?” I turned to face bald-eyed Genin. “What exactly is in the crate that’s sealed up?”

    “It’s a weapons shipment,” Neji responded immediately, confused that I’d even ask.

    “Yeah, but can you see what weapons exactly?” I pressed.

    Neji stopped, then activated his Byakugan. “I do not know, it’s sealed against my sight.”

    Wait, what? “Since when is that a thing?”

    “The clan has always had such seals,” Neji explained, looking at me like I was an airhead. “And when the clan joined the village, we donated them to the First to help preserve the secrets of the village; we didn’t want just any Hyuuga with working eyes to glean Village secrets and sell them to our enemies.”

    “That makes sense,” I replied with a nod. “...I wasn’t the only person who didn’t know that, was I?”

    “I had no idea,” Hisako immediately piped up.

    “I confess I didn’t know either,” Lee supplied.

    “Never even crossed my mind,” Nichiren replied.

    Tenten just shrugged.

    “Okay then,” Neji sighed the sigh of being surrounded by fools. “But that is the answer to your question. I do not know.”

    Intelligence Check Success: 10 / 8.

    Well, that’s not suspicious at all.

    Neji perked up. “We have bandits incoming from the wagon’s seven o’clock position.”

    I cracked my knuckles in anticipation. “I’ll take point.”

    Neji glared at me, but didn’t say anything as I moved to the front of the group.

    “Be careful, Daisuke,” Hisako whispered quietly.

    Seriously? Have a little faith in me, come on. “I will.”

    That was when they showed up. Seven, so we were already outnumbered. Stand out members were the giant tank of a man with a round mass that would make an Akimichi hide in shameful inadequacy and an old man wearing a headband over his eyes.

    “Hey, look at the shrimp!” the Big One said pointing at us with a deep laugh. “Look at them! Little kids think they’re Ninja!”

    Excuse you?

    “Hey, hey, look at that the yellow guy!” One of the others interjected, pointing at Nichiren with a dopey grin on his face. “He looks like he’s going to pee his pants!”

    “Focus, everyone,” the Blind Man snapped. “We need to get this over with.”

    “You guys should just leave,” I said, offering the olive branch even though I wanted to reduce them to red smears in the dirt. “This doesn’t have to get bloody.”

    They all looked at each other, then busted up laughing, walking forward. “Ohoh! Look at the high and mighty baby, thinking he’s so tough.”

    You are stomping on thin ice, pal.

    “Aw, look at ‘im though!” The Big One said with a vicious, sadistic smile. “He looks so mad. Like he’s gonna cry if his mama doesn’t get him a new toy!”

    “Just kill the kids while we still can,” The Blind Man urged. “When their Sensei’s return, we are doomed!”

    I pointed at them. “Like I said, I don’t want this to turn bloody. But if you call me a kid again, I’ll put my fist through you.”

    Shortest one in the group. Didn’t see him at first. Distinctive by a head wrapping that covered one of his eyes. Patchy facial hair and missing teeth. Tanned, olive toned skin. Wide, toothy smile like he was going to do something he knew he wasn’t supposed too, but he did it anyway for kicks. “Try it, kid.”

    I slid on the ground, gathering chakra into my knuckles. Pull back the fist, slide on my knees underneath the tree trunks the Big One called arms as he tried to run interference. Slip in between the raised, defensive arms, make contact with his chest. Keep going through as muscle, bone and sinew liquidated under the force of my blow.

    500 / 21,000 EXP to Level 9.

    The bandit was gasping, trying to breathe while coughing up blood. His hands trembled as he tried to grab my arm that had pushed through him.

    “I warned him!”

    Blood provided enough lubricant for the corpse to slide off my limbs. When it hit the ground, it was like a gunshot, signaling the start of the fight.

    Slide forward, spin on the balls of my foot and slam a kick into the stomach of another bandit, bisecting him by liquefying his entire mid-section.

    1,000 / 21,000 EXP to Level 9.

    Two down, five to go.

    Behind me, I was shocked to see that Hisako had jumped the biggest guy. She ran up his massive gut, slicing him up as she went with her kunai, jumped off of his head and then threw a kunai right between his eyes, landing on and riding his shoulders down to the ground. At the moment impact, she somersaulted on the ground and rose in a ready stance with the most amazing smile I’ve ever seen on her.

    ...you know, I had doubts. I wasn’t sure if Hisako and I could really be compatible since, you know, she was kind of young. I was really conflicted about it all, I had a whole thing I was going to think about and decide if a relationship between her and I would even be ethical.

    Forget all that.

    Hisako’s hot.

    ...and I want her.

    “Watch your back!” Nichiren shouted.

    I turned to literally watch one of the bandits literally fall into bloody pieces as he was running at me, being diced by Ninja wire.

    I turned to Nichiren. “Thanks!”

    Then I got back on task.

    Neji had stopped the hearts of one of them. Lee did a flip-kick to the last one, sending him up in the air for Tenten to pin in the throat with a kunai.

    That just left the blind man.

    “So, it’s just you,” I said, rolling my shoulders.

    “Surrender,” Neji ordered. “And you’ll live.”

    The Blind man’s response was to bite his thumb and smear the blood down his chest. He flew through a series of handseals and whatever insane jutsu he had planned…

    “Dynamic Entry!”

    …was stopped by the return of Gai and Kakashi-sensei.

    Gai kicked the man in the head, sending him to the ground and what I can only assume was breaking his neck.

    I took a look at Arai.

    Arai didn’t even look winded.

    Kakashi looked somewhat roughed up. Gai too. But Arai? Arai was perfectly fine.

    “See, everything worked out,” Arai said, gesturing to us. “Nothing to worry about.”

    “No more mid-trip bathroom breaks,” Kakashi instructed him icily. “This is not going to happen again.”

    “Alright, alright, calm down,” Arai raised his hands in surrender. “I guess I can hold it. Now let’s just get going before more show up.”

    ...now back to what I was talking about before Hisako gave me an erection by eliminating a man six times her size, why would a weapon’s shipment need seals that protect from the Hyuuga’s eyes?

    Maybe I’m making something out of nothing, but the only village that I know of that has such dedicated detection measures is Konoha. I could be wrong about that, too, but why would a plain-Jane weapons shipment need that particular kind of protection? Enemy Shinobi are going to jack any wagon a team of Genin are guarding, and two teams have got to be guarding something good.

    “So, how was guard duty?” Kakashi asked conversationally, stepping around a bloody chunk left by Nichiren.

    “Eh, it would’ve been fine,” I said with a shrug. “But they had to start throwing out insults and I just couldn’t let that stand.”

    “He put his fist through a guy for calling him a kid,” Hisako swooned. “It was incredible.”

    “Thanks,” I said with a grin. “Watching you take out that big guy was the greatest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

    “You really think so?” Hisako beamed with big, doe eyes.

    “I do!”

    “And of course, my team held their own just as well!” Gai said, beaming.

    “Oh yeah, they were invaluable,” I agreed. “Neji saw them all coming and Lee and Tenten showed incredible teamwork.”

    “Yosh!” Lee said, his teeth shining in the sunlight.

    “This was a triumph!” Gai shouted with uncontainable pride.

    “Kakashi-sensei, I have a question,” I said, turning to my mentor.

    “What’s that, Daisuke-kun?” Kakashi asked with an eye-smile.

    “Is it normal for weapon shipments to be sealed up so that the Byakugan can’t see what’s inside?” I asked pointedly.

    Kakashi blinked, and cupped his chin. “No, Daisuke, that isn’t normal. Is that the case with ours?”

    “Yeah, Neji can’t see into it,” I reported, pointing at the crate. “To...assuage my own anxiety, I’d like a peek inside.”

    Kakashi hummed. “Arai, do you have a problem with us performing a surprise inspection on the cargo?”

    “Don’t care in the least,” Arai responded, waving us off. He leaned back in his seat and pushed his straw hat over his face. “Seems like a good time for a nap.”

    Okay then.

    “Gai,” Kakashi said. “Let’s do an inspection on the cargo. Specifically, the weapons shipment.”

    “...is something the matter, Kakashi?” Gai asked, blinking owlishly.

    “We’re just trying to assuage Daisuke’s anxiety regarding the trip,” Kakashi replied with a shrug. “Plus, I think it’d be a good exercise in showing our students proper procedure.”

    “Good point, Kakashi!” Gai said. “So, proper inspection of a weapons shipment. First, you lay out a mat for the weapons to rest on. At no point do you want them to touch the ground, we want them to arrive in pristine condition! Tenten, if you please.”

    She pulled a white mat out of nowhere, because storage scrolls are a thing.

    “Now, if you want to open a crate like this, remember, if you do it wrong, you will set off alarms back in Konoha,” Gai continued, pulling the crate out so it was free of it’s neighbors. “So you focus chakra in specified points to disable the alarms. The locations are chosen at random and come in the mission briefing. Since you haven’t read the briefing, I’ll just disable the alarms.”

    He placed the tips of his forefinger and index finger on the two upper corners facing us, then on the top of the lip.

    Gai grinned and popped the lid. “Now, starting from top to bottom, we’re going to take out each individual weapon and determine if it’s in good condition. This is why most inspections only happen after the crate in question had been jostled or damaged, but it’s a good learning experience, so we’re doing it now.”

    There were groans from the other Genin, which made me annoyed. I hope this didn’t turn out to be a waste of time.

    “First off, we’ve got one kunai...tipped...spear,” Gai said, grabbing said kunai stabbing straight up and pulling it out. Instead of a single spear, he pulled up the whole collection, as it was a collection of spear tips glued to a black false bottom.

    I fist-pumped. “Yes! I knew it!”

    Gai blinked, and knocked the crate’s wall with a chakra empowered knuckle. The crate’s walls fell open, revealing a glass case that fit snugly inside the crate. Inside that transparent case...was a person.

    “Byakugan,” Neji snapped at the sight. “Gai-sensei...that’s Seiji. A Hyuuga branch member.”

    “You know him?” Gai asked, sounding deadly serious.

    “Not personally,” Neji replied, his eyes narrowing. “But he vanished on a mission over a week ago. We thought he had died, but apparently not. He’s sleeping, and it looks like the case is keeping him alive.”

    “Think we should wake him up?” I asked, looking at the seals written on the base of the case.

    “I don’t think we should risk it,” Kakashi-sensei replied. “If this case is keeping him alive, it could also kill him if it’s opened by unauthorized personnel.”

    Makes sense to me.

    “Is this the drivers fault?” Nichiren asked quietly, referring to the sleeping carriage driver.

    Perception Check Failure: 7 / 10.

    Seriously, how does a carriage driver warrant a maxed out stat check?

    “We’ve got nothing besides Daisuke’s suspicions,” Kakashi pointed out, making me frown in annoyance at him. “He’s proven accurate so far, so I’m willing to believe him, but we need hard evidence. So, I think our best option is to confiscate the box when we arrive in town this evening and send a messenger bird to the Hokage directly. Then we’ll do a sweep of the company offices to see if we can find anything.”

    I’m just glad I’m being taken seriously.

    If this were a fanfic or something, all my teammates would just brush me off as crazy until I was proven right in the end, and then they’d just keep doing it over several more arcs until the lesson stuck.

    Quest Updated: The Eyes Have It!


    Failed: Escort the Wagon on it’s Route to the Border.


    Guard the Box until help Arrives.

    * * *​

    The box containing the unlucky Hyuuga was confiscated and kept within Daisuke’s room.

    This time, the Genin was left alone, having proven his combat expertise and ability when he had killed not one, but two bandits single handedly. The seven Shinobi ran across rooftops, arriving at the warehouse where everything would be stored. They were silent, they were invisible, they were Ninja.

    For the seven of them, getting inside was as effortless as tiptoeing through tulips. There was no night guard, the warehouse was empty.

    In the back was their target, the managers office, filled with documentation. A quick pick of the lock, and they were inside. Neji was posted by the door, keeping an eye for someone, anyone who might detect them.

    Filing cabinets were discretely picked apart. Nichiren got into the safe. A false bottom was removed to find evidence of corruption of the manager, but nothing tying anyone to the abduction of a Hyuuga clan member.”

    Eventually, Tenten found it.

    “Sensei, everyone, I found something,” Tenten said, whipping out the paper for everyone to see. “It’s the Carriage Driver! Shimoda-san was right!”

    “How do you mean?” Kakashi asked, his eyes narrowing the second he saw the discrepancy.

    “Look at the picture,” Tenten said, pointing to the paper. “This is his employment record, but that picture doesn’t match!”

    The picture of Arai was of a skinny, old man. Bald and so skinny that his skin seemed to sag off of his bones. This was a far cry from the heavy set, bearded man who had been driving the carriage of oxen for the past several days.

    “How did you not see this before?” Neji asked with a glare.

    “Better question,” Kakashi growled. “How did none of the coworkers in the first town not see anything?”

    “The records we found in the last town didn’t even have...a picture,” Nichiren’s eyes widened. “I think we’ve got a bigger problem than we thought.”

    “We need to get back to Daisuke,” Hisako snapped, standing, her eyes similarly wide. “Quickly!”

    The feeling of urgency was punctuated by the distant sound of an explosion.​

    * * *​

    Being honest with you, I’m glad I was left alone to fight the boss. As much as I trust my team and as much as I respected team 9’s fighting ability, I wanted a one verse one. In the bandit attack, there were seven bandits. Seven! I could be at 3500 EXP right now instead of 1000.

    Kind of a petty thing to get mad about, except it really wasn’t. I realize there’s enough EXP in a living world like mine is to get to max level, but the plot is going to kick into gear next year, and I need to be ready.

    Best part of this one verses one? They can’t yell at me, because it wasn’t my idea. It was Kakashi’s, who asked me if I was comfortable standing guard alone.

    So here I was, just sitting here on the box, waiting for the boss to show up.

    My interest was piqued by the sound of footsteps. Slow, heavy, yet with purpose and in an even rhythm. I grew intrigued when ‘a shave and a haircut’ was knocked on the door. I got excited when it ended with an explosion that sent the door into splinters on the floor.
    Standing in the door frame was Arai, who was looking up at me from beneath his straw hat with a dispassionate expression on his frame.

    I smirked. “Got your box.”

    Happiness, thy name is Daisuke. Because I was right. I knew it. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. My team will never doubt me again!

    ...not that they really doubted me in the first place, but it’s the principle of the thing!

    “So you do,” Arai replied with a nod. “Give you one chance to hand it over.”

    “There’s a person in this thing,” I replied, pointing to it. “Can’t do it.”

    “Is there?” Arai asked, with a shrug. “Didn’t know. Don’t ask much questions, don’t much care. But one way or the other, I’m walking out of here with that Box. So move it, kid.”

    I stood up on the box and cracked my knuckled. “I’ll give you a chance to apologize for calling me ‘kid’, and to walk out of here alive.”

    “Apologize for what?” Arai asked, biting his thumb and smearing blood on his bandages. “It’s what you are. Kid. Now hand over the box.”

    I surged forward with a Body Flicker, aiming a spin-kick to his head. His bandages responded by unwrapping themselves off of his arms and twisting around my leg.

    53 / 85 Chakra.

    Oh no.

    40 / 85 Chakra.

    His bandages drain chakra!

    Now that’s just lame!

    Said bandages lifted me up off of the ground and threw me into the opposite wall.

    200 / 235 HP.

    45 / 85 Chakra.

    I collapsed in a heap, then immediately stood, dodging the bandages which had formed themselves into spikes and drove themselves into the wall around me like spikes. I threw my one kunai at his head and it...missed completely, embedding itself in the door frame.

    Need a plan.

    Sticking to the wall, I kicked my way out the window and used Chakra strings to pull myself back to the wall, running down the windows and breaking into one of the rooms. From there, I jumped and whipped myself back around to the hall, catching sight of my quarry, who hadn’t moved.

    He turned and caught sight of me right as I Body Flickered to him. Again, his bandages rose to his defense and I used Chakra strings to pull myself to the ceiling to dodge the spikes. With a bounce, I came down with a double haymaker, but he jumped out of the way toward the stairs.

    “You’re fast, kid,” Arai complimented airily.

    “Don’t call me that,” I snarled, sliding forward to strike, then sliding back to dodge the chakra-sapping bandages that made to impale me.

    “I’ll call you what I want,” Arai defied, hands flying through a set of handseals. “Paper Release: Flight of Birds.”

    Paper Jutsu?

    That’s a thing? He uses Paper.

    I mean, I guess so, since he’s manipulating his bandages, but I can’t tell if he’s laughably weak or insanely cruel.

    Out from his loose sleeves, a dozen folded paper planes shot out. Just by seeing them coming, I was able to dodge most of them.

    190 / 235 HP.

    180 / 235 HP.

    170 / 235 HP.

    160 / 235 HP.

    But we’re going to go with unspeakably cruel. The wings of these planes were razor sharp and cut just deep enough to draw blood, but not further. These cuts hurt and to make matters worse, I could see the planes turning around mid-flight to go for another pass.

    ….crap.

    Crap, crap, crap, crap. I need an option. I need a way to kill this guy and kill this guy now, or he’s going to murder me by a thousand cuts.

    His bandages surged forward.

    Lightning Kunai!

    Immediately, like snakes on the hunt, they curled up to block the shot without pausing.

    Intelligence Check Success: 10 / 8.

    This won’t kill me.

    But it’ll come close.

    I used Chakra strings to pull myself to the ceiling, cleanly dodging the bandages, though all the paper planes behind me did is change course.

    “Give it up, kid!” Arai said tauntingly. “You don’t have to die.”

    “I am not a child!”

    Chakra Control Check Success: 100 / 90.

    Ninjutsu Check Failure: 29 / 90.

    40 / 235 HP.

    0 / 85 Chakra.

    All Limbs Crippled!

    11,000 / 21,000 EXP to level 9.

    All I did was mix the Body Flicker jutsu with Lightning Chakra. I surged forward with such a ridiculous level of speed, I almost missed the punch I aimed at his head. The sparking and chirping of lightning surrounded me, filling my ears with what I felt in my bones was a glorious symphony.

    But when my fist collided with his face, it disintegrated.

    A wave of thunder ripped out from where I hit him and threw us away from each other, taking the floor out from both of us, and causing me to land on the floor below.

    5 / 235 HP.

    Fall damage is so annoying. Thankfully, I think the case didn’t fall down with us, I didn’t hear the sound of glass hitting the floor.

    I tried to stand, but my vision blurred and my head...my head may has well have been in pieces. My arms and legs were covered in burns and my chakra bar was locked at 0 for some freaking reason. I was, quite frankly, toast.

    Good thing he didn’t...he didn’t substitute in time. Yeah. I can’t fight right now. Guy didn’t have a chance! Serves him right.

    No one calls me a child.

    What’s...uh...wait. What’s...how many points do I need to get Ninjutsu? I…

    Intelligence Check Failed: 7 / 6.

    6? That’s not right. That’s not...right, I’m crippled, thingy. Yeah.

    “Daisuke!”

    Who was that?

    Was that...yeah, that was Hisako.

    “Hey...Hisako,” Her name came out slithered, but I was doing my best, darnit! “Nice to see you!”

    “I’m here, Daisuke.” Sounded like she was crying or trying not to. Right? I think she was. I dunno, there was a moisture there in her voice.

    “I can kind of see you,” I said with a giggle. “Like...I like your jacket.”

    “Just hold on, Daisuke,” Hisako said. “We’ll get you to a hospital. Don’t worry. Just stay with me. Focus on my voice. Please don’t go!”

    “Bed!” I snapped. “I need a bed! I really...really need a bed.”

    “Does anyone have a bedroll?” Kakashi snapped out, almost sounding panicked.

    “I have one, Kakashi-sensei!” The...other girl. I know her name! I promise I know her name. “Lay him on this, we can use it to get him to a hospital!”

    It’s Nine-nine! No...no. Four-four? Eleventy-twelve.

    I was picked up by Hisako and laid gently on something really soft. I think...I think...I wanna go to sleep.

    Sleep for How Long?

    Why does the meter only go to 24 Hours?

    I wan...I wanna sleep longer.​

    * * *​

    Author’s Notes: Well, that took longer than expected. Sincerest apologies, everyone, but I am happy with how it turned out.


    The point of this chapter, I have discovered, was to highlight Daisuke’s berserk button. In the previous draft, this arc was drawn out over more chapters and show Daisuke’s inadequacies by having him screw up stealth and lock picking. This time, Daisuke’s inadequacy would actually disqualify him from participating in the first place. However, he does excel in combat which I’ve only shown a few times up until now.


    I’m noticing, as I’m going along with the draft, that it’s much more compressed. A lot of the fluff that was present in the first time around is absent, simply because I have a better idea of what is actually important. In other words, this arc is shorter than the first time, now I just have the epilogue chapter to do. After that, we’ll have that Anko-centered Interlude I planned on.


    Hope you all enjoyed it.


    Until the next time!

    ~Fulcon
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2021
  16. Lord_0f_Winter

    Lord_0f_Winter Hippity hoppity, your arsehole is my property

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2019
    Messages:
    1,255
    Likes Received:
    40,070
    I relate to this waaayyyyy too much.
     
  17. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    Me too.

    The weird part is that I hate the act of going to bed. When I get to bed, I don't want to get out. But when it's time to go, I'm like noooooo, just a few more minutes.
     
    Oh Bam Ah, Amatsumi, Sargon and 10 others like this.
  18. Darkarma

    Darkarma Loli Ōtsutsuki

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2016
    Messages:
    741
    Likes Received:
    5,853
    After ten thousand years...! It lives.

    If memory serves, this is the point that Hisako realizes just how bullshit Daisuke's 'bloodline' is.
     
  19. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    Yeah, sorry! Was not my intention to let it hang for so long!

    As for Hisako...I think so. But my muse is out on whether she has the same envy problem that she had before. She miiiiiight but I'm not sure.
     
  20. Pez

    Pez Spaceman

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2020
    Messages:
    2,460
    Likes Received:
    85,989
    Enjoyed this version. It's really been cleaned up over the original draft. I'm perfectly okay with the MC getting on board with an early harem.
     
  21. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    Thanks! I'm glad that effort is coming across so well. :)

    I'm still kind of ambivalent, myself but we'll see how it works.
     
  22. Syroc

    Syroc Getting sticky.

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2018
    Messages:
    79
    Likes Received:
    1,544
    It is based on a Bethesda game, after all.
     
  23. Epro

    Epro Nordic Dragon Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2018
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    18
    Was a harem part of the plan earlier? Can't remember personally.

    I do hope that the MC doesn't actually end up with a harem honestly. Nothing against those who like them, they just aren't my personal favourite. Having the hormone-fueled thoughts actually not going further than fantasies would be nice to read once in a while though. Will probably continue to read anyway so it doesn't really matter honestly.

    Oh, and thank you for the chapter!
     
    Relyt33, llat-2 and Fulcon like this.
  24. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    This thought is going to keep Daisuke up at night.

    To the point he's going to forget he has a Sleep command.

    EDIT:

    In the original version, no. Here...I'm incorporating it in early, with the express goal of figuring out, well, how it works in a grounded, realistic setting. Without degrading either of the sexes.

    I understand if that's not your cup of tea, but it is something I want to explore, if for no other reason than it's historical precedent.
     
  25. The Unaligned Player

    The Unaligned Player Agony that desires to meet Extinction

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2019
    Messages:
    205
    Likes Received:
    1,256
    “Hazō and Akane were equal partners, with a bottomless wellspring of respect and fondness for each other. They were companions and friends, and the power dynamics between them were things to be dragged out into the open and navigated, rather than lingering omniously in the shadows of silent understandings and unspoken agreements.”

    Looking to create something like that I presume?
     
  26. Coldbluestreak

    Coldbluestreak The Bloodthirsty paladin

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2020
    Messages:
    1,366
    Likes Received:
    4,305
    I personally can't wait to see the harem, it's going to be great.
     
    Relyt33 and Fulcon like this.
  27. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    Yes. That's exactly it. Thank you! Have a cookie.

    I hope I match your expectations and do all the characters justice. Thank you for the vote of confidence. :)

    You get a cookie too.
     
    Coldbluestreak and Relyt33 like this.
  28. Epro

    Epro Nordic Dragon Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2018
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    18
    Ah, that makes sense. Just personally tired of all the enormous harems popping up seemingly everywhere in fanfiction where the MC is always searching for more members. It just makes me feel bad for the first one that is often promised the world and then only get to be a member in a sexual fanclub, never prioritized over the new, shiny addition.

    Looking at it from a historical perspective seems like a good idea. Wouldn't surprise me then if the laws about it are extremely specific though, possibly how you're theoretically only able to have x amount of wives but y amount of mistresses. Seems like something I will have to look forward to finding out.
     
  29. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

    Joined:
    May 1, 2019
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    7,022
    I intend to limit the number of members to those that Daisuke and the girls connect with on a spiritual level. That...would be the best thing for both Daisuke's and my conscience.

    Girls get inducted by unanimous consent by Daisuke and all the other girls. If there's even a little bit of dissent, it doesn't happen.

    That might not be historical, but that's how Daisuke intends to manage things.
     
    Coldbluestreak and Relyt33 like this.
  30. ArcaneReader

    ArcaneReader Master Of The Arcane (Not)

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2019
    Messages:
    887
    Likes Received:
    4,023
    IT JUST WORKS
     
Loading...