Chapter 26: The Tail
California, Marina del Rey, August 6th, 2008
"Bye! See you tomorrow!"
"Unless Buffy manages to get us deported."
"Dawn!"
"What? You are persona non grata in Albania."
"That's different! And totally not my fault! I was killing a zombie!"
"They think you were defiling a corpse."
"I wasn't! I cut its limbs off so I could stuff salt into its mouth and sew it shut!"
"And it was desecration of a grave, not defilement of a corpse."
"Thank you, Willow! See, Dawn? Totally not my fault!"
"You still broke the second law."
"The second law?"
"Don't get caught."
"Xander! I didn't get caught! They just blamed me because I was in the area!"
"That's the same thing."
"It's not!"
"It is!"
"It's not!"
"Everyone who thinks it was Buffy's fault, raise your hand!"
"Dawn!"
Caridad sighed as the Scoobies walked off towards the parking lot of the marina. Sometimes, Slayer hearing really wasn't all that helpful.
"You know, sometimes, I cannot help wondering how the world hasn't ended yet," Kirsten said.
"'Sometimes' meaning 'when you see the Scoobies bickering'?" Morgan asked.
"Yes."
"They're not that bad," Chuck said. "They're just… uh…"
"They're that bad," John said, nodding.
"Hey!" Chuck protested. "I was about to say that they aren't any worse than we are!"
"Yes," Morgan agreed.
John just stared at both, and Caridad had to stifle a chuckle.
"So… we've got a big wedding meeting tomorrow," Kirsten said. "I think we should head home."
"Uh… right, right," Morgan said, nodding several times.
The two waved and left as well.
"You know, it's really not fair. The Council has saved the world several times! And we did so as well." Chuck didn't seem willing to let this go.
"That doesn't make this bickering any better. Or less childish," John retorted.
"But… It's eccentric!" Chuck replied. "And it's a way to, uh, cope with all the pressure. I think."
Caridad nodded. "That's what Xander said." Chuck smiled at her. "Of course," she went on, "he might've been making this up." She shrugged.
"He might be correct," Phil chimed in. "It's not as if anyone in the old Council cared much about battle fatigue. Until Miss Summers changed the paradigm, few Slayers lived long enough for this to be an issue, even if anyone had thought of therapy. Battle fatigue was a recent discovery, after all."
"'Recent'?" Sarah shook her head. "It was widely known during World War I."
"Exactly." Phil's smile was pretty sly. "You might underestimate how traditional the old Council was compared to the new one. Rupert, and, to a lesser degree, myself, were considered radicals."
"Yes. The Old Council pretty much doubled down on all the British stiff upper lip stuff," Caridad said.
"I wouldn't word it like that, but I have to agree that a Watcher was expected to deal with any 'Shaky nerves' themselves - most turned to drinking," Phil said. "Then again, most Field Watchers rarely outlived their Slayer, and that's not even touching into the teams handling threats without Slayer support."
Sarah looked surprised. As did John, actually.
"For all their childish antics, the results speak for themselves. Even before the events that led to the creation of the new Council, Miss Summers's deeds assured that she was exceptional even amongst Slayers. Few Slayers had survived as long as she had, much less faced and defeated nearly as many threats. The same goes for Rupert and the others," Phil explained. "If they wish to act a little less than their age, then that's their prerogative. As Chuck said, such success would mean that they are considered eccentric at worst in England."
"Yes!" Chuck nodded eagerly.
"But we aren't in England!" John growled.
"But…" Chuck trailed off as Sarah laid a hand on his arm. He sighed. "It's not fair!"
"Life's not fair. Deal with it." John scoffed.
"That's what the Scoobies are doing!" Chuck retorted.
Caridad cleared her throat. "Anyway, Kirsten was right: We do have a stressful day tomorrow."
"Actually, she just said that we've got a big meeting with Ellie and Devon tomorrow!" Chuck said.
"Exactly." Caridad grinned at him.
Chuck looked at her, his mouth half-open, before glaring at her and John with a pout. "It's not that bad!"
"Yes, it is," Caridad told him.
"Now you're just repeating what Casey said!"
"Chuck, let's go to bed," Sarah said.
Chuck looked stubborn for a moment, then he sighed and nodded.
They turned and headed into the ship. But Caridad caught Sarah whispering to Chuck: "Besides, this bickering isn't really any different from what the Scoobies do, is it?"
"Oh... you're right!"
Caridad frowned. It wasn't the same. Not at all!
*****
California, Los Angeles, Sun Valley, August 7th, 2008
"...and this is where the guests who aren't spies or Slayers or Watchers or witches will be," Ellie said, moving her laser pointer to mark an area on the map which was projected at the wall in her new living room. The room was still a little bare, but they had managed to find enough chairs and couches for everyone - barely.
"The pen for the normies?" Xander asked. His grin slowly died when Ellie glared at him. "The civilian area?" he corrected himself.
Ellie huffed. "I was told that this will allow you to keep the wedding safe without the guests seeing armed patrols."
"Because that would just remind people of the attack on our old home," Devon added.
"Won't they remember that anyway?" Willow asked. "Even the British newspapers reported on the attack."
Ellie's frown deepened, but Devon nodded. "Yes, but there's a difference between knowing we've been attacked by some crazed cartel killer or corrupt cop, and seeing armed guards patrolling at a wedding."
"They wouldn't see us," Caridad spoke up. "We can run discreet security. Pose as guests or staff or whatever."
"Uh…" Chuck looked like he disagreed.
But so did Giles, and Buffy. And Xander too. And Faith was grinning.
"Well, some Slayers could pose as guests or waitresses or ushers," Xander said.
"We don't have to pose as guests - we're guests!" Buffy cut in. When everyone looked at her, she pouted. "Just saying."
Xander cleared his throat. "Anyway. Yes, a few of the Slayers could fit. But overall, we're not really good at the whole undercover spy work."
"That's why you hired us," Sarah said.
"Yes."
"Slayers posing as waitresses would probably eat all the food before they left the kitchen!" Willow chuckled.
Caridad frowned at her. Not too much, though - she was Willow, after all. And sneaking a bite or two was alright - it would be torture to serve food without eating yourself!
"Anyway, most Slayers wouldn't do well undercover," Xander said. "So, we'll have to keep them away from the guests."
"Yes. And away from the buffet," Ellie added. "It's hard enough to have enough food for the Slayers who are guests."
That was unfair! Slayers didn't eat as much as Ellie made it sound. Just a bit more than athletes, for example. Like triathletes before and after a triathlon.
"Well, we've ordered food for twice the number of guests," Devon said. "We should be OK."
"As long as the others don't raid the buffet."
"They better not eat my food!" Buffy protested.
Caridad nodded in agreement.
Xander, who was looking a little annoyed now, cleared his throat. "Anyway. We'll also have a member of the Devon coven checking for magical trouble."
"I'll lay down wards beforehand," Willow cut in. "But it's good to have someone available to check if something comes up."
"Yes." Xander nodded. "I was about to mention that. So, we've covered Slayers and Magic. That should stop any demonic attack on the wedding. Not that we expect an attack against us - most demons should know better."
"Most, but there's always one poopoo head that thinks they can take us," Willow said.
Kennedy chuckled. "I'd like to see them try."
"I don't," Ellie said, baring her teeth. "I want our wedding to go perfectly - and a demon attack is the opposite of perfect."
Caridad wasn't sure she agreed. Stomping a few demons would certainly make listening to some priest go on about boring stuff more tolerable. On the other hand, she would be stuck as a guest, so others would get to do the demon stomping.
"Would be fun, though," Faith said, grinning.
"But," Xander raised his voice a little, "we also have the spy side to worry about." He nodded at Chuck.
"Uh, yes." Chuck cleared his throat. "Normally, we would do the security ourselves, but for obvious reasons, we can't do that at the wedding."
"People would wonder where the bride's brother is, yes," Willow said.
"But aren't you still 'persons of interest? At least unofficially?" Dawn asked.
"We do expect the police to keep an eye on the wedding, yes," Chuck said. "But we've been cleared now, so they can't arrest or harass us."
"As long as there's no attack," John spoke up.
"Yes. Uh, anyway, since Gunn's people are, uh, compromised, so to speak, with all the publicity, we've contacted some of Sarah's old friends who will be taking care of the spy side of the event. Not Carina, though," he added before Caridad could ask.
Satisfied, she nodded.
Sarah nodded as well. "We'll focus on spotting threats - Slayers can deal with them."
Caridad grinned, then remembered again that she wouldn't get to have any fun since she'd be a guest at the wedding.
Well, there would be dancing and eating, at least.
*****
"So, who's going to be in charge of security?" Caridad asked as they left Ellie and Devon's home.
"Amy and Zondra," Sarah told her. "They were members of my former team, together with Carina."
"I found them when I was looking for trustworthy spies," Chuck said. With the Intersect, of course.
"I can take over," John said. "There's no need to bother with unknown elements of questionable loyalty."
"Ellie wants you amongst the guests," Chuck replied. "You're our - their - former neighbour, a family friend, and Caridad's plus one. That's three reasons not to have you work during the wedding."
Caridad grinned. "Rule of three. You're stuck sitting with me."
"Wasn't the team disbanded over a traitor?" John replied.
"Uh…" Chuck trailed off.
"There was a suspicion, but the suspect was cleared," Sarah said.
"Also," Chuck added, "We're going to pair Amy and Zondra up, so they can watch each other. I wanted to add Carina as well, but…"
"Carina would never stick to the security role." Sarah shook her head with a sigh. "But Amy and Zondra know their business."
"Unless one of them is a traitor," John said.
"They'll also have a Slayer with them, as the reaction force for the wedding," Sarah told him as they got into their car.
John nodded, but Caridad could tell that he still wasn't fully on board with the plan. Well, he wouldn't be fully on board with any plan that didn't stick with them, she supposed. Although she had a feeling that Sarah had an ulterior motive, as Phil would say, for picking her two friends. Did she want to make up with them? Clear up some old business?
*****
California, Los Angeles, Downtown Los Angeles, August 7th, 2008
"You're from England? That's so grand!" Melissa 'Mel' Francescini, one of Ellie's bridesmaids gushed at Buffy, almost leaning across the table in 'Kelly's' where they were meeting.
"No, we're from California. We're just living in England. Like, temporary," Buffy corrected her.
"Very temporary," Dawn added drily. "We've only been there for five years."
"Exactly!" Buffy nodded with a smile.
"Dawn!" Willow hissed.
"What? It's true." Dawn grinned.
Lily Hawkins, the best woman, and Sofia Mendez, the third bridesmaid, giggled, then trailed off, looking slightly confused when Buffy glared at Dawn.
"They're always like that," Willow beamed at them. "Sibling rivalry."
"Ah." Lily nodded.
"So, you're friends with Ellie from Sunnydale," Lily said.
"Yes. We went to school with Chuck," Buffy replied. "Well, Willow and I did - Dawn was way too young."
Caridad expected Dawn to make a crack about Buffy's advanced age, but she only snorted. Well, with her being the youngest woman at the table, and everyone else except Caridad and Kennedy being Buffy's age or older, that probably wouldn't have been received well.
"And we kept in contact with them after they moved from Sunnydale," Willow said.
"And after we moved from Sunnydale," Kennedy added.
"Oh? You don't sound like a Californian," Sofia told her. The woman was more perceptive than her friends.
"We're working on that," Willow said.
"I'm from the East Coast," Kennedy said. "New York born and bred. Though we always spent the summer in the Hampton's."
"Ah!" Sofia nodded - obviously, she knew that that meant Kennedy was rich. Well, the other Slayer's clothes and name-dropping of boutiques had already told Ellie's friends that.
Willow shook her head, but with a fond smile.
"And now you're all back in California for Ellie's wedding!" Mel said. "How grand!"
"Oh, yes. It's good to see the city again - I grew up here," Buffy said. "We moved to Sunnydale while I was in High School."
"So you all met in Sunnydale," Mel said. "That's…"
"Grand?" Dawn cut her off.
Mel nodded. "Exactly!"
"It wasn't always grand," Buffy said, "though i met my best friends there, so it was good overall."
"Except for the whole vanishing into the ground thing," Dawn said. "That was kind of a downer."
Ellie's friends nodded, exchanging a few glances.
"Ellie rarely talks about Sunnydale," Lily said. "Even though she moved to Los Angeles years before the sinkhole happened."
"She never told us about you, either," Mel added.
Caridad wanted to sigh. Why couldn't they just ask what they wanted to know?
"The whole Sunnydale incident was very traumatic," Dawn said, although in a rather matter of fact tone. "We were among the last to get out of the city. Buffy almost fell into the crater."
That triggered gasps from Ellie's friends, and a glare from Buffy. "I so did not! I outran it easily!"
"You outran it? The sinkhole?" Sofia stared at Buffy. She wasn't the only one.
"It wasn't quite as dramatic as it sounds," Willow lied. "We were evacuated with a bus."
Technically correct. But while Mel and the others probably imagined an orderly evacuation, the bus had been driven by Dawn, and they had to outrace the growing crater. Well, what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them. At least in this case. And it would make them stop prying.
"So!" Mel blurted out after a moment. "Now let's get started on planning Ellie's bachelorette party!"
Right. That was why they were meeting here, after all.
*****
California, Los Angeles, Echo Park, August 9th, 2008
Caridad suppressed a sigh as she struggled not to fidget. Or to crush the flower bouquet in her hands. Or to accidentally rip the bridesmaid dress - well, no, the dress wouldn't rip easily; she had tested that beforehand.
But it was boring. She'd spent the last hour standing near the altar, listening to the same bloody songs and hymns, the same bloody words from the same bloody priest - those people should stick to dealing out holy water, in her opinion, and make crosses, but otherwise shut up. Caridad had been to
hell and she'd fought her way out again. She didn't need anyone to save her.
She shifted her weight a little as Chuck's dad led Ellie down the aisle. As a bridesmaid, she couldn't even sit on the benches, like Willow and Kennedy, much less patrol outside like Buffy and Faith. Who were probably stuffing their face with the samples catering had provided for the occasion. Unlike Caridad, who couldn't even hide a snack in this dress. Not unless she wanted to go unarmed, and what kind of Slayer would ever do that?
Although… edible weapons might be a… bloody stupid idea. Oh my God, she was cursing like a Watcher in her head, she realised. Obviously, she was losing her mind due to boredom here. And this was merely a rehearsal for the rehearsal; the actual rehearsal would be held two days before the actual wedding.
The music faded out, and the priest started to talk. Again.
*****
"Free! We're free!" Caridad cheered as they stepped out of the church. She casually threw the bouquet in the trash can at the edge of the parking lot. Who had ever heard of the bridesmaids holding bouquets? Wasn't the bride supposed to throw it, anyway?
Mel giggled. "It wasn't that bad."
"Yes, it was exactly that bad!" Caridad protested.
"I thought it was a very nice ceremony," Willow chimed in. "Although the vows could use a little more work."
"We spent an entire evening going over their vows," Caridad told her. "We're not going to have a repeat of that."
"But they aren't very inclusive. I know it's a Christian wedding, but this is California, and there will be people of different faiths among the guests," Willow said.
"I think you'd have better chances of persuading the priest to change his sermon than to get Ellie to change her vows," Lily told her with a smirk.
Caridad nodded in agreement.
"But…"
"Honey, let's drop it. You can proselyte after the wedding," Kennedy said.
"I'm not going to try and convert anyone!" Willow protested. "I'm merely advocating for a more inclusive vow and ceremony."
"And I'm saying Ellie won't change her vow," Lily repeated herself. "Anyway, enough of that!" She looked around, apparently checking where Ellie was. "We need to do another rehearsal! For the bachelorette party!"
At least that would be a rehearsal, and not a rehearsal for a rehearsal.
*****
California, Los Angeles, Downtown Los Angeles, August 9th, 2008
That was how rehearsal's should be! Caridad smiled as she grabbed another sandwich - this one with truffled foie gras. Yes! Sampling food to find the best snacks for the party was a great way to pass the evening. Who'd have thought this nightclub actually had good food on the menu, in addition to overpriced drinks?
"Careful, Caridad, you're drooling!" Sofia said.
Caridad rolled her eyes at the woman while she swallowed, savouring the taste. That joke had been old before Phil had been born. Which put it somewhere into the medieval age. Probably. "We need foie gras sandwiches. Definitely," she announced.
"What about a vegetarian alternative?" Willow said, smiling brightly. "Think of the poor geese!"
"I've lived on a farm," Lily said, scoffing. "I know all about geese, and let me tell you, those bastards deserve to be turned into foie gras."
"That sounds like anecdotal evidence, which is no evidence at all," Willow countered.
"No, it's the result of a study," Lily retorted. "I've thoroughly researched the matter." She giggled as well.
It seemed that sampling the drinks was a popular part of the rehearsal as well.
"The poor geese never hurt me," Buffy said. "On the other hand, I really like my fluffy pillow."
"There are alternatives to down," Willow told her.
"There are alternatives to everything," Faith chimed in, beer in hand. "But that doesn't mean they are satisfying alternatives, if you get my drift." She leered before taking a swallow of her drink.
Willow actually blushed while Kennedy sniggered. Then everyone else chimed in with more giggling.
Caridad chuckled. Once. Faith's brand of sexual humour, or what she thought as humour, wasn't nearly as funny if you weren't halfway drunk.
*****
California, Los Angeles, Los Angeles International Airport, August 10th, 2008
"Hi, Caridad!"
"Hello, Caridad. Xander!"
"Anya!"
"Hi, Vi." Caridad smiled, showing her teeth. Just a little bit, of course. While she wasn't happy that yet another Slayer was in her city - and one she could take in a fight, she was sure - Vi was a friend, and only here to attend the wedding. She wasn't here to replace Caridad. "Hi, Anya," she added - not that the woman would notice, being currently occupied with Xander.
Caridad was tempted to tell the two to get a room, but Anya would probably take her suggestions at face value; the former demon - and she still smelt fully human, Caridad checked - was terribly blunt and forward. And had less shame than Faith.
Caridad clenched her teeth. Faith. If there was one Slayer she didn't want in her city, it was Faith. She was far too crude. And far too interested in John, even if she denied it. Which she hadn't. Not that Caridad would've asked - that would have made her look weak and insecure.
And Faith had slept with John in the past.
"So, let's go to the hotel," Xander said after coming up for air.
"Yes, Xander. While we were travelling first class, the accommodations didn't live up to the advertising, and I've missed you terribly. We should be able to have sex a couple of times before dinner." Anya nodded with a smile.
Terribly blunt indeed.
"Of course!"
Not that Xander seemed to mind. In his place, John would've probably blushed. Well, he would have blushed if he weren't a spy trained to hide such a reaction. She smiled at the thought - John was far softer behind his gruff facade than most would've thought.
"I've found a new position we should try out, Xander!" Anya declared as they left the gate.
Caridad's smile vanished. She cleared her throat. "So, why didn't you come with the rest of the group?" she asked before Anya could go into more detail.
"I would have come with the jet, but I had a meeting with the council's bank, which was important enough to justify the added cost of travelling separately - and the separation from Xander," Anya replied.
"And I was coming with her as her bodyguard," Vi added.
"And because you were delayed by that vampire nest in Calais," Anya said.
"Yes."
Vi was showing her teeth as well, Caridad noticed. That must have been an embarrassing delay, then. "More trouble than expected?" she asked, trying to sound innocent. Just a Slayer asking a fellow Slayer about work.
"No. Just took a little longer to track down a bloodsucker that pulled a runner."
"Ah." Caridad nodded. "I had a runner in Tijuana, but we caught up after a few minutes." Yes, just innocently talking shop. No bragging at all.
"Ah." Vi's smile grew more toothy. "It's really helpful if you outnumber the vampire."
What? She had been outnumbered one to four, and still won! Perhaps they should spar so she should demonstrate the difference between a Slayer who caught their prey and one who had to chase it down for so long, they missed their flight...
"So!" Xander said, a little too loudly, "what's new in Merry Old England?"
"Nothing is new," Anya replied, sounding serious. "Our budget has been expanded, but you already knew that. And the weather was not quite as bad as usual," she added as they stepped outside into the sun. "It was even warm enough to wear a bathing suit outside, though with you already here, there wasn't a point." She beamed at Xander and grabbed his arm in a vice-like grip.
"Oh, there's always a point to showing off," Vi said. "We have a reputation to maintain, after all."
Caridad narrowed her eyes at the other Slayer. Was that a threat? A hint that Vi was trying to upstage her? Or making a move on John?
"Anyway!" Xander blurted out, stepping between them. "Let's head to the hotel. It's growing a little hot here, isn't it?"
"Not more than expected," Anya said. "Unless you mean sexual arousal."
"Not quite what I meant," Xander said, "but let's go with that."
Caridad rolled her eyes. If they started making out in the back of the car...
"So, how are things going with the wedding?" Vi asked as they got into the car.
"It's going as planned," Caridad replied.
"Which means Ellie's driving everyone crazy," Xander added, closing the rear passenger door.
"That was the plan?" Anya asked.
"It might've been," Xander replied. "We certainly expected that."
Caridad gunned the engine, and they drove off.
"I'll have to take notes for our own wedding," Anya commented. "I want it to go according to plan. And inside our budget."
Their wedding? That was the first time she had heard about another wedding being planned. And, as a glance into the rearview mirror told her, Xander seemed as surprised as herself.
He nodded, though, with a smile. "Aren't women supposed to plan their own wedding only at the actual wedding that they attend?"
"We already planned our own wedding in Sunnydale," Anya told him.
"Right."
And that was a subject not even Buffy would touch with a ten-foot pole, as Morgan would say.
Caridad was almost cheering when the two started making out in the back of the car instead of discussing that.
*****
California, Marina del Rey, August 10th, 2008
Halfway to the parking lot of the marina, Caridad spotted a tail. That black limousine had been behind them on the highway but had taken a different exit. To still show up here, behind them...
Frowning, she tapped her radio. "We've got a tail. Black limousine." She reported the plates a well.
"Black car? Gotta be the cops. They're the only ones who think that's inconspicuous," Vi said.
"They're following us?" Anya all but growled. "That's harassment! I'm going to sue them!"
"Anya! Let's not be hasty, OK?" Xander said. "Let's first find out who they are and what they want."
"But think of the money! If I launch the suit, I would be able to pocket twenty per cent as compensation for my work!"
"You're no lawyer," Xander pointed out.
"So?"
"I'm no lawyer either, but we have them on retainer for a reason," Xander said.
"Yes," Caridad confirmed. "Our lawyer got Ellie and Devon out of the LAPD's clutches."
"But they failed to make the cops leave us be!" Anya protested.
"We don't even know if this is a cop car," Xander said.
"It's a cop car," Chuck told them as if on cue.
"I knew it!" Vi said. "Can we throw it into the harbour?"
Caridad stared at her fellow Slayer. "What?"
"Vi, dear…" Xander shook his head. "We want the LAPD to leave us be, and that won't happen if we throw the cops into the ocean."
"What about just the car?" Vi apparently had a grudge against cops. Well, many people who had spent some time in the city had a grudge against the LAPD - especially if they weren't rich - but this was a little…
"Vi. I know you're still annoyed about Calais, but these fine officers aren't part of the gendarmerie," Xander said.
"You were arrested by the French police?" Caridad blurted out.
"No! I wasn't arrested!"
"Because she ran," Anya said. "They looked for her for two days before the matter was straightened out."
Caridad chuckled. She knew how annoying being wanted by the police was, but it was still funny when it happened to Vi. "So, no throwing police cars into the sea. But what will we do?" They couldn't let them get away with this, or the cops would never stop. "We'll be at the parking lot soon."
"Drive past it. Chuck, make reservations at the best restaurant in the marina, and date them back," Xander snapped.
"OK. But it probably won't fool them," Chuck replied over the radio.
"Never hurts to try," Xander told him. "Get your dad to lay a false trail with another yacht, too."
"Alright."
"I'll park at the restaurant," then," Caridad said. She smiled - the best restaurant meant the best food!
"I like that plan!" Vi agreed.
"It's going to be expensive," Anya said.
"This falls under the security budget," Xander told her.
Anya nodded. "Right. That's OK then - we don't want to charge this to our expense account."
"No, we don't."
Caridad checked the car in the rearview mirror. It was still following them. Sloppy - a spy wouldn't have been caught like that. Unless this was the decoy. She tapped the radio again. "John. Can you check if anyone else is following us?"
He replied at once - he was already on the case, of course. "Don't see anyone - but they will be hanging back."
"More cops?" Vi asked.
"Probably." Caridad frowned again. "Or the cops are sloppy."
"We should dump them in the ocean and make it look like an accident," Vi said.
"They'd blame us even if they thought it was an accident," Caridad told her. Granted, her experiences with the LAPD were a little biased.
"Sometimes I miss the Sunnydale Police Department," Xander commented. "They were reliably incompetent."
"Well, I don't miss them. They never caught shoplifters!" Anya said. "We had to do that ourselves, and Giles didn't let me maim them!"
Caridad chuckled before she remembered that Anya was serious - the former demon was always deadly serious when it concerned money.
"Got the reservation, you're good to park!" Chuck called over the radio. "Party of four, Harris."
"Why did you pick Xander?" Anya wanted to know.
"He's living in London and rarely visits - he won't be harassed," Chuck said.
"Yes," Xander agreed.
Caridad shook her head. That was a flimsy excuse. Xander just wanted to take the heat for them. Well, that was what made him Xander.
She parked the car and got out.
"So, are we just going to let them watch us eat?" Vi asked.
Xander grinned. "We're just going to let them watch us eat the finest food while they are stuck with cheap coffee and cheaper doughnuts."
"Ah!"
Vi beamed.
Caridad grinned herself.
*****
California, Los Angeles, Beverly Hills, August 10th, 2008
"We should be having this meeting on your yacht," Buffy said, pouting on her chair. "Not in our hotel room."
"I second the motion," Vi agreed. She was seated as well.
"Yep," Faith added from where she was leaning against the wall.
"Uh, we don't have room for all of us on the yacht," Chuck replied. "I mean… we would fit on the yacht, but not into any of the cabins." He fiddled with his laptop. "And the Internet connection wouldn't be as good as here. Satellite internet isn't as fast as a landline."
"Yeah. I've tried to play on satellite, and the ping just doesn't work. And there's lag," Morgan said.
"We aren't exactly holding a meeting to discuss computer games," Phil pointed out. "But I agree that the space on board of the yacht would be cramped.
Giles muttered something uncomplimentary about computers that you probably needed an Oxford dictionary or a semester in Latin to understand.
"But we would be able to go for a swim, or do some sunbathing," Faith said with one of her stupid leering grins. The Slayer probably just wanted to show off in a bikini, anyway - not that she had anything on Caridad!
Still, she took a step closer to John. It wouldn't do if anyone, especially Faith, got the wrong idea.
"We aren't holding a meeting to swim, either," Willow added.
"Too bad," Xander said. "It would probably be finished quite quickly."
"I would like to hold a meeting on the yacht." Anya pouted. "As I was the one who approved the expense, I should be able to enjoy the yacht as well."
"I approved the expense," Giles said, raising his eyebrows at her.
"You approve everything I put before you," Anya said.
"What? You never approve my expense reports! Not without going all grouchy about them!" Buffy complained.
"That's because Anya generally doesn't claim new shoes as combat expenses," Giles retorted.
"Well, she should!"
"I prefer not to enter combat in the first place," Anya said, adding a sniff. "I leave that to Slayers. But they shouldn't be fighting in expensive brands."
"Hey! You have to look good while slaying - we have a reputation to defend!" Buffy protested.
"Yeah. We're hot chicks kicking ass!" Faith agreed.
"And it's good for morale," Vi said.
"How is it good for morale?" Dawn asked.
The Slayer smiled. "Looking good lifts your spirits!"
"You can look good - or hot - without wearing designer clothes," Dawn retorted.
Buffy gasped. "Dawn! How can you say this? That's… that's…"
"Easily," Dawn replied.
"Without my Manolo Blahniks, life wouldn't have any meaning!" Buffy said.
"I see that the evil of marketing has thoroughly corrupted you," Giles commented while he polished his glasses. "However, shall we focus on the important matters at hand?"
"We are! This is about money, and money's important!" Buffy said.
"Your money, you mean." Dawn shook her head.
"Well, of course! I paid for the shoes I lost fighting demons with my money!"
"B, you should just buy some sturdy combat boots and leathers. Those last a long time, trust me," Faith said, smirking. "And you look hot in them."
"They clash with my style," Buffy replied.
"Might wanna change your style? We can pick matching outfits."
"Buffy would look even shorter that way," Dawn said.
"Hey!"
"And she'd need a wonderbra."
"HEY!"
"Children…" Giles was glaring now. "Chuck, please start the briefing so we can proceed to leave them to their puerile bickering."
"Hey!" Buffy protested again. Dawn snickered, and Buffy frowned at her. "Giles included you in that!"
"No, he didn't."
"Did so!"
"Did not."
"Just start talking, Chuck," Willow said. "They'll stop."
"Uh…" Chuck cleared his throat. "Anyway, as you know, the police were tailing us today. Well, one of our cars. Caridad led them to a restaurant, but they do suspect that we've got a base here."
So, Chuck or his Dad had hacked the LAPD's systems again. Or was that still? Caridad didn't know if they had to redo it or just had to hack it once and be set for some time. Not that it mattered.
"Isn't that against the law?" Anya asked. "They were told to leave us, weren't they?"
"Technically, yes," Chuck said. "But they argue that they're simply investigating suspicious travellers. At least that's the excuse in their files."
"No one would believe that!" Willow shook her head.
"Malicious compliance," Dawn added. "Wouldn't hold up in any court."
"Anyway," Chuck went on, "Internal Affairs is investigating. Coupled with pressure from Washington and a few, uh, pointers we left in their systems, I think the LAPD will stop harassing us."
"You thought that before," John pointed out.
"Uh, yes, I did," Chuck admitted, blushing a little. "But this time, I think it'll stick. The LAPD really cannot afford another scandal."
Caridad snorted. The cops had proved to be pretty much scandal-proof in the past. But then, weeding out the more stubborn idiots might help make them back off.
"Well, we'll see, right? Anything else?" Buffy asked.
"Uh… some more information about our schedule until the wedding?" Chuck smiled a little weakly.
"Is there anything planned for tonight?"
"No, not that I'd see."
"Then we're done here! Time to go clubbing!" Buffy announced. "It's been so long since the last time I did this!"
"You went out yesterday," Dawn said in a dry tone.
"Exactly! That's an eternity in L.A.!" Buffy turned to the rest of them. "You coming as well?"
Giles and Phil, of course, declined.
"I think we might attract too much attention if we go clubbing together," Chuck said.
"We were already on the yacht together," Sarah said. "A spy wouldn't have missed that."
"And there's safety in numbers!" Vi added.
"Numbers attract heavy weapons," John commented.
"We're not in a war," Buffy retorted.
"Technically, we are at war - formally - with at least one hell dimension," Dawn corrected her.
"We are?"
"Yes. Remember that green-skinned four-armed demon?" Dawn asked.
"The Green Martian," Xander cut in.
"It wasn't from Mars," Dawn told him," but from a Hell dimension. Though one of their species might've inspired Burroughs' Barsoom stories."
"But… we closed that portal! And we killed the demons on our side!" Buffy said.
"We did." Dawn grinned. "But they never formally withdrew their declaration of war, and we didn't enter negotiations to settle the conflict."
"We can't even talk to them, not with the portal destroyed," Buffy pointed out.
"And that's why we're still technically at war." Dawn's grin grew as her sister frowned.
"Bah! Anyway, let's go clubbing!" Buffy jumped up. "I've got new shoes to break in!"
"To break, you mean," Faith told her.
"Hey!"
Caridad looked at John. They could beg out and spend the evening on the yacht. But that would make her look as if she couldn't hold her one or something. Or were boring. "Let's go," Caridad said.
*****