The Curious Case of Rei Ikari

Chapter 23:
Normal, or Something Like It

​

The sight of an unfamiliar ceiling in the first light of dawn gave way to the subtle flowery notes of lavender perfume and the taste of last night's wine. But soon enough that ceiling would be as familiar as the back of my hand, and maybe I'd be able to work up the urge to pull myself away from the warmth I'd become accustomed to sleeping next to. Even if the only reason to climb out of bed was that you couldn't get back in, if you never got out.

And I shouldn't have been drinking, but then I shouldn't be a killer, or fighting a war. I shouldn't have the scars that I do, and neither should she. But we'd each seen each the scars the other carries and found that it only made our bond stronger. I knew where hers came from, and she knew me before I had mine.

At least, before the ones that only ran skin deep.

I sighed and finally pulled myself away from her, rolled over and off of the mattress wrapped up in more than my fair share of top-sheet, and hit the floor with a dull thump. Close enough. I stood up and looked over, she was still asleep without a care in the world. I was pretty sure she could sleep through a nuclear explosion.

I felt the heat rising in my cheeks and looked away. Maybe there was such a thing as too much of a good thing. I shook my head and plodded across the hall, discarding the sheet along the way. Asuka would probably be awake soon, and while I was sure she knew exactly what was going on, as a matter of respect I wasn't going to rub it in her face.

I started for my own room, that I hadn't slept in for days, but decided against it. I turned for the bathroom instead. My roots were showing something fierce and I needed to re-dye my hair. I was looking less like some cute punk chick and more like a paint brush. That had to be rectified quickly.

I stood in front of the mirror and the same as many times before, examined my reflection. I had maybe two inches of black hair under my blue now, and my scars had faded to the color of my skin. My new arm felt more like it was supposed to be there than it had before, but the contrast was still striking.

I frowned, looking at the line the scar made, where whoever or whatever had been grafted to me. I had to wonder if it was just the arm, or if there was more inside that wasn't me, that wasn't original me. How much of me was still Rei Ikari? Victoria's memories, Ayanami's flesh. How much of me was still Rei Ikari?

Would Misato have still felt the same way if I was still just me, or did I only have things that weren't really me to thank for that? But then, if we are the sum total of our experiences, could I not be the sum total of the experiences of someone else? If I was, would that make me any less… real?

The door slid open suddenly and I jumped. Asuka walked past me in the nude, I averted my eyes. “Asuka?!”

“I'm taking the first bath. Close the door when you're done staring at yourself.” She answered over her shoulder without even turning to look at me. She stopped at the edge of the bathtub and turned to me, as if it was an afterthought. “If you're not going to use your room, can I put some things in there?”

The blush hit my cheeks faster than my brain registred the content of what she'd said. Of course she'd have known. So did Ayanami, somehow. At his point I wasn't sure if I'd be surprised if everyone knew.

“Yes, that's fine, I suppose.”

She nodded, “Thanks. Get out.”

​

xxx
​

I had forgotten how difficult it was to manage the hair color I had. My naturally black hair had to first be bleached out completely while being careful not to completely fry it, and then I had to dye the blue back in.

Of course that meant that in the meantime my hair was doing it's very best impression of being the same color as Ayanami's. The blue that was left in my tips stained the rest of my hair when I washed it out, which left the whole mop looking a little blue-silver.

I looked at myself in the mirror and forced myself to have a perfectly straight, stoic look on my face. Yep. I was two red eyes away from a near perfect Ayanami impression. A very, very large part of me wanted to find some contact lenses and really start fucking with people around Nerv.

The eyebrows were a little easier than my hair was, I'd been keeping those touched up for a while so it wasn't as big a deal to prep them. I just had to get the hair dye and--

I shook the bottle in my hand. It was empty. Completely, utterly, empty. Of course I'd used it up, I used most of it dying my hair in the first place and only brought it along for a few touch-ups here and there, it didn't even have that much in it when I got here, right? Still, I thought I had some left.

Of course I'd buy the hair bleach but not the dye. That was basically the way my luck ran, right?

On the other hand, I was still being non-conformist as hell, but I was really hoping for the blue. I groaned in frustration and hucked the bottle across the bathroom into the bathtub, knocked all of the bottles that Asuka had perched along the edge into the basin with a loud crash.

The door banged open to my left for the second time that morning.

“Rei, stop making so much noise—Gott im Himmel, what have you done to your hair!?” Asuka was staring at me with what I could only assume was her best approximation of both horror and disgust simultaneously.

“I was trying to color my hair… and my hair dye is empty.” I explained while trying and failing to think of some way to cover my head and my shame.

Her eyes tracked over to the bathtub and settled on my hair dye bottle. A brief flash of realization flashed over her face. “Oh that was yours. I spilled it into the sink the other day.”

I blinked and time seemed to slow, my glare felt as though it could bore a hole clean through her soul. She'd spilled it? And she didn't tell me? And now I looked like a dollar store knockoff of Ayanami? Not that there was anything wrong with looking like her, she was cute as hell, but she wasn't me. My left hand snapped into a fist and I felt my body reacting before my mind.

I lunged with closed fist at my fellow pilot. “Motherfu--”

​

xxx

​

“--cker” I pressed the cold compress to my eye. I had forgotten that discretion is the better part of valor. Or, to put it more directly, despite my getting the jump on her, I had neglected the fact that not only was she trained in hand to hand combat, she was also actually in good shape.

Meanwhile, while I had a nice figure, toned I was not. If I came in an ounce over ninety pounds I'd eat my hat, but it wasn't exactly a muscular physique. Meanwhile, Asuka, despite being the same size, was visibly muscular. Nothing extreme, but she had definition. She wasn't nearly as soft as Ayanami and I were.

Which really just proved she took things more seriously than I did. And for that matter, I was fairly sure Ayanami would have still been able to tear Asuka completely in half without breaking a sweat. Just a hunch.

“That was pretty stupid.”

I looked up with my one good eye, through a dripping wet mass of silvery-blue hair, “Thank you Misato, for that enlightening commentary on the situation. I did break her nose though, so the ass-beating she gave me in return wasn't for free.”

“You got in a fight over hair-dye. That's...” She trailed off. She wasn't wrong, of course, but it was Asuka so I had to assert my dominance. Or something. Or I was just on an emotional high and didn't give a damn.

“That's not the stupidest thing I've ever done. If you were to ask my father, it's because of the Ikari in me.” I explained with a chuckle. The jostling made my face hurt more, but the laugh wouldn't be contained.

“Still, you can't do this kind of thing. I can't have you two fighting, not like this!” She raised her voice, but then set her hand on my shoulder. Damn she was--

I looked up at her, “Which Misato is this, director of operations, or the one from the hallway outside the briefing room?”

“The one that doesn't want you hurt, and doesn't want you kicked back off the active roster.” she hesitated and smirked at me, “And the one who doesn't want that face getting hurt.”

I felt the blush on my cheeks for a moment and then the rest of her words sank in. Active roster? Kicked back off? I was back on? I was on active duty?

Not that my mandatory vacation had actually been restful, what with all the air to air combat, but the after action report wasn't too bad. She had been saving that little nugget, waiting for a time she'd need to calm me down. Couldn't exactly kiss me every time. That was still weird too, but a good weird.

“I'm back on the active roster?” I asked with a much softer, still one-eyed expression.

“As long as you can avoid killing your fellow pilots, yeah. You really impressed the commander with your little duel with Rose. Just as well anyway, since the F-2 is laying in pieces in the middle of R&D, it won't be ready for a while anyway,” She explained with a nonchalant shrug.

“And if I couldn't fight one way or another I'd go completely insane?”

“Go insane? I don't understand. Being around you is insanity incarnate. If you pulled your face off like a mask and declared yourself to be Loki, I don't think it would surprise me in the slightest.”

I leaned back in the chair and laughed, hell with the pain. “You still love me either way.”

It was her turn to blush. I'd said it more as a joke than as a legitimate statement that she, well, love loved me. But then, my heart was screaming that I hoped she did.

“Well… Yes, I suppose I do. I don't think it's too soon to say that, not after everything we've been through, right?” She tilted her head and smiled.

I dropped the ice pack and stood up from the chair and put my arms around her. “No I don't think it's too soon at all.”

“Yeah, I might throw up if you both don't stop doing that. I'd rather spend the next fifteen years of my life with nothing to do but hang out with glasses girl than watch you two act all stupid sweet like that. I'd tell you to get a room but you probably would.”

I looked over, Asuka had come back. I hadn't seen her since my head hit the floor, but Misato had said she'd gone out. Apparently she was back.

She threw a box on the chair behind me, “Anyway, here's your stupid hair dye. You look ridiculous with your hair like that. Fix it. And next time I won't stop hitting you just because you're on the ground.”

I felt Misato's hand run through my hair, “I don't know, I think this color is kind of cute on her.”

I tried to act nonchalant and shrug it off. “Well, I guess I could give it a few days and see how I like it.”

“Yeah, I'll chance it. Get a room. I'll be in mine.” Asuka muttered with a shake of her head as she trudged out of the living room. Maybe I didn't break her nose after all, she looked fine.

So I'd gotten my ass handed to me for nothing at all. Still not the dumbest thing I'd ever done but it was edging in for top five at the least. Got a free bottle of hair dye out of it.

Misato pulled away from the embrace and started back for her room, “Well, anyway, I'm going to be at Nerv all day. We've got to prepare for the arrival of Unit Three. Pilot selection. Boring stuff really. I'll bring dinner home if you're still here.”

Unit Three? Something about that bothered me. The more time I spent, the more I felt like me, like Rei Ikari, and less like Victoria, but that-- Oh, son of a bitch.

Hello Other Shoe. I'm Rei Ikari. Charmed.​

 

Chapter 24:
We Are The Dogs of War
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“The most beautiful girl, that I did ever see...” I mumbled under my breath. Somehow everything had started down an irrevocable backslide into the mouth of hell.

R&D smelled like Jet-A, smoke, and ozone. I could taste the acrid bite in the air. The Viper Zero lay in bits on the floor of a hanger meant for something much, much larger. The workers were like dutiful ants, moving bits to and fro with a purpose that I couldn't readily discern.

But my father had ordered it. What it was, I wasn't told. After the 'Battle of Tokyo 3' as it was being called, the cannon had crapped out, and with all the abuse I'd been putting the jet through it could have used some maintenance, but what I saw in the bottom of that hanger was a jet stripped to the bones.

The wings were off, the skin was stripped down to the skeleton of the aircraft itself, and there was wiring hanging out of the cockpit. Whatever it was they were doing, I didn't imagine that what I saw in front of me would be flying any time soon.

And that didn't even address the greater problem of Unit Three. A lot had been different, sure, but a lot had been the same. Key events still played out in relatively the same way, usually. This wouldn't be any different. And what could I even say? If this didn't happen, if we didn't let it happen, then what form would that Angel eventually take?

Everything worked out mostly okay after this, I just had to let it happen normally rather than risk changing anything and putting Misato into a position where she might not be safe, where she might get hurt in the attack. The kind of hurt you don't get better from. I couldn't let that happen.

So they had to be unwarned, and let the chips fall as they may.

But for what that was worth, I still felt like shit about it. I was still anxious as hell about it. I was still not completely sure what would happen, much like I hadn't been for a while. With each passing day it felt more and more like those memories were just dreams, fading into the ether, and that before too long I wouldn't remember anything other than a vague notion of what was supposed to be.

Maybe that was by design, to give me a little help, but then let me stand on my own.

I wish I could be a stronger person.

And then the wish was granted, but what was I doing with it? I attached myself to Misato, who was more to me than I could have imagined she'd ever be. I found myself close to Ayanami, or as close as anyone except my father could be, right?

Asuka. The IPEA pilot: Mari. I'd spent time with Akagi, I'd had dinner with my father. Was this what the stronger person that is Rei Ikari was supposed to do? Was this what that scared little girl sitting in a car with a woman she never met would have done?

A deep, primal, part of me knew that this wasn't the case. Everything I did here was new, was me and was the product of Rei Ikari. Not the same Rei Ikari as climbed into that blue Renault Alpine so long ago, but a true Rei Ikari nevertheless.

To everyone I knew, to everyone who mattered, I was the only Rei Ikari that they had ever known. There was no other girl to replace or to change, they didn't lose a friend, a comrade, or even an acquaintance. There wasn't an over night personality change, to them.

But when my real memories had returned, no longer pushed to the back of my mind by the replacement memories from that dead girl, I knew that I wasn't the same person. At the same time, I knew that I was. My soul, my mind, who I am. The core of my being, my consciousness, that hadn't changed. I could not have been Victoria any more than Gypsy Rose could be Rei Ikari. Somehow I knew it couldn't work that way.

When it came down to it, Victoria would have warned Misato what would happen. Gypsy Rose would have done something to stop it.

But Rei Ikari was too scared of making things worse to do much of anything at all.

All I could do was stare at the mutilated remains of my escape. The thing that let me forget everything except the moment. True freedom was, and always had been, mach two at forty thousand feet. That was something I didn't have, something I couldn't escape into if it got too tough.

And right then and there, I could have used an escape. I could have used sky under me and stars above, with my worries left behind me on the ground, put on pause until I decided to come back, or until the fuel ran low.

I caught myself messing with my hair, twirling it around my finger. Silver blue locks, because Misato had said it was cute, I left it that way. I'd punched Asuka in the face because of this hair color, because she spilled my hair dye. But because Misato liked it, I left it alone. What had caused me great discomfort became something I accepted at the drop of a hat, just because of what she'd said.

So for her, I didn't warn them, so that she would be safe. Even if I changed my mind, it was already too late.

So fickle, and they trusted me with the fate of the world.

It kind of made me wonder how much shit they had on the shelf. How close to falling into the abyss we all really were. Should we fall in, it was assured we'd never climb back out again. Simply wallow until we drown.

As expected, maybe not at that moment, but it didn't surprise me, the alarms sounded throughout the base. An Angel blood pattern had been detected. If it played out the same, Matsushiro just exploded.

Enter the Kraken.

​

xxx
​

“--we'll fight until we die, and our enemies are gone forever more.”

“That's a little dark, Mari,” I commented. I shifted in my seat and brought the rifle up to the Evangelion's shoulder. “I like it.”

Units Five and One had deployed immediately via linear carriage to intercept the 'Angel' en-route from Matsushiro test site to Tokyo-3. I knew what I was in for, even if I didn't like it. Mari was Mari. This would be our first fight together. At least, the first fight that I wasn't bleeding to death during.

“This time you are in an Evangelion. This will be easier than the fight in the Arctic. Don't get impaled this time.”

I shook my head. “Yeah, I'll try my best.”

It was a waiting game, really. We were limited by the range of our power cabling, and we didn't want to engage while already at our limit. We had to let the enemy draw itself well inside our operational limit. But that didn't mean I was blind.

I dialed the VHF radio-set over to a frequency I'd long since memorized. “Ikari to Cylon one-one. Got your ears on, Bucket?”

“Cylon one-one copies. We're ten minutes out, we heard about Matsushiro. Is it another one?”

I winced, yeah it was another one. Might be the worst one yet, but I couldn't know that yet. “Affirmative, what are you bringing to the party?”

“We've got five birds and enough air to ground to put a hole in the earth. The Benfold, Fitzgerald, and Stethem are standing by to support as well. We've got approval directly from the Diet. If you need it, we'll bring it.”

“Copy. I'll hold you to it, Ikari out.”

I sat back in the seat and gripped the control sticks. Of course, they had a stake in this too, we all did. My mind wandered back to the conversation I'd had on the Kitty Hawk. They'd love to have people in the area, ostensibly to help us, sure. But then eyes on station meant they could direct a smash and grab to snatch a pilot if the opportunity presented itself. Somehow, I felt like the Diet knew this as well.

More cloak and dagger than I cared for, really.

I felt all the hair on the back of my neck stand up and looked up to the forward display. A large black figure was trudging in our direction. Unit Three. The Angel.

“Somehow, I knew.” Mari said through the pilot-to-pilot link. That was definitely an understatement.

But there was no time to waste, I wouldn't have the time to wait for Asuka or Rei. I had to end this quickly and save the pilot. They put me back together, they could put whoever was in that entry plug back together too. I would make them do it.

My father's face popped up on the communications display. “Rei, that is--”

“The Angel. I know. Unit One engaging now!” I yelled and snapped the rifle up. My finger slapped the trigger and I directed my fire for the opposing Evangelion's head. The rapid staccato of machine gun fire filled the entry plug and projectiles the size of cars peppered the monstrosity's face.

An AT field flashed into existence in front of the Eva and stopped all but the first few shots from impacting. I wasn't close enough to neutralize, fine. I tossed the rifle and switched to my knife.

The black Eva launched itself into the air and landed in front of me, too far away for the knife, but close enough that I could clear the distance. The arms stretched out almost impossibly fast and the hands wrapped around my neck.

That was not what I was planning for. I jammed my knife into the Eva's left forearm as my vision started to blur. Sympathetic feedback from the synchronization, I knew that but my brain didn't.

“First date: No hands!” I heard Mari scream a moment before the blur of her Unit Five crashed into Three. The pressure let up on my neck, and I lunged. Whoever was in there, I felt sorry for, but I wasn't going to die.

Not with what I had to live for.

I snapped my finger down to toggle the radio mic and jammed my knife into the chest plate of the temporarily restrained Evangelion. “Becket, might wanna run a little hot, we've engaged the enemy. It's an Evangelion.”

“Roger, ETA two minutes. Passing telemetry to the DDGs. TLAMs when you need them.”

“Standby!” I yelled as another hit from the Evangelion knocked me off my feet and into a hillside. I shook the dizziness from my head in time to see one, and then another and another of Unit Five's mechanical limbs hit the hillside next to me.

“Goodbye old friend. Makinami is ejecting, now!”

There was a flash of light on Five's back, and then it went slack in Three's grip. A moment later the entry plug, propelled by rockets, departed the combat zone, and I was alone.

Three lost interest in the deactivated unit at that point and cast it aside. It was intelligent then, not just a beast driven by instinct. It knew it was no longer a threat, and useless as an ally to infect.

I made it half way to my feet before Three crashed into my chest and knocked me back into the hillside. Its hands went to my neck, and a second set of arms burst through the shoulder pylons and pinned my wrists to the hillside.

Again the sympathetic feedback forced me to feel all of it, in increasing clarity as my desperation and synchronization rose. I felt my air being choked off, felt the tingling of the infection entering me, felt my arms about to snap. I was on my back, even if I pulled the ejection handle I had nowhere to go.

But I was not alone. I would never be alone again. I might die, but it would be among friends, family. And It would not be today, not if I could help it.

“Becket, target my position, fire everything,” I forced out through grit teeth. I couldn't move, couldn't fight, but--

“Say again? You will be caught in the blast.”

“Send it!” I yelled. My tongue felt… strange. The infection was spreading. I didn't have long. My vision was darkening around the edges. My screen was full of that corrupted, twisted face. A face that was meant to be a symbol of hope, turned into one of damnation.

As my head hit the seat rest, I felt a smirk reach my lips. The Angel had over-played his hand.

The first bomb hit the Angel and it shook, the next nine took off the extra arms, and weakened the grip from the ones it kept. I brought Unit One's knee up directly into Three's codpiece and forced it up and over my head, and in that moment I was free.

I wasted no time and forced myself back onto my feet. Now, I could end it. I felt the heat rising again, like before. It started in my left hand, up my arm, and spread through my body. I dropped into a crouch and launched towards Three.

I punched it in the head with a left hook, then jammed a kneed into its chest to fold it down. I forced Unit One's left arm around the neck from behind and found my target, the entry plug. It was half out, they must have tried to eject it but it failed.

I wouldn't.

I jammed my knife into the back of the Evangelion's neck and grabbed onto the plug and pulled until it tore free from the mounting.

Unit Three immediately went limp and fell to the ground. I held the entry plug in my hand. It was surrounded by some kind of weird hard blue substance. I felt my blood chill, my breath caught in my throat.

The Angel did not infect the Evangelion. The Angel infected the plug.

I tapped the control stick and opened up the link to command. I was shaking, the plug was tight in my hand. I didn't know what to do, except…

“Father… Who is the pilot of Unit Three?”​

 

Chapter 25:

No One Left Behind

​

I could not let them die. We weren't as close as we should have been, and I knew that, but they were a fellow pilot, they mattered, they were a comrade in arms. I couldn't just--

I pulled the backup knife from my shoulder pylon and brought it down against the rear section of the entry plug. To hell with the Angel, I had a different mission objective.

Step One: Open the plug

Step Two: Rescue the pilot

My hand was shaking like a leaf around the control stick but I kept pressing, dragging the knife gently against the rear quarter, behind the escape hatch. Just a little bit, enough that I could get the LCL to start leaking. The pilot wouldn't be that far back. It was the chance I would have to take.

“Rei, what are you doing?”

My father's voice. I wanted to scream, wanted to cry. If I'd listened to him before… Well, I still would have known. I'd have known sooner, and maybe I wouldn't have fought so hard. I might have failed, might have let the pilot die.

“I'm going to recover the pilot.” I answered in monotone as the knife finally broke through. The LCL sprayed out under pressure at the point of the cut. I flicked the Eva's wrist and the end of the plug cracked open like a pez dispenser.

I knelt and laid the plug down on the ground and then moved the Unit back from it. There was no tingling, no contamination. It was just a core, maybe it couldn't do that without synchronizing. Or maybe it was directing it's attention elsewhere.

“Rei, you must destroy the Angel.”

I reached over to the command pad and started the plug ejection sequence. I felt the motors behind me whirring up as the plug inched backwards through the hatch in the Evangelion's spine.

“Tell Ayanami to hurry. I'm exiting the Evangelion now. Ikari signing off.”

I pressed another button and the comm shut down, I didn't bother to hear the reply. The drain motors had already kicked in and the LCL was down to my ankles and lowering rapidly. The plug lurched to a sudden stop and I climbed out of the saddle and turned back to it.

The catch was on the side, where I'd been trained to look for it. The seat cushion popped up with a hiss and then it was a simple matter of pushing it to the side to get what I was looking for: the pilot emergency survival kit: A medical bag, an MRE, and a Sig Sauer pistol.

I clipped the pack to the side of my canary-colored plugsuit and hit the palm of my right hand against the release catch for the egress hatch on the side of the plug. The door kicked itself open with hydraulic assist and a nylon rope unrolled from the top of the frame.

I'd never fast-roped before, but that other girl had, and I knew how. Fortunately for me, the gloves of the plugsuit were well insulated. I gave one last look over my shoulder to the inside of the plug and then wrapped my left hand into the rope and stepped off into open air.

I let myself fall rapidly for the first dozen meters, then slowly applied pressure to arrest my descent. I didn't want to take too long, so a little bit of pain was fine. I had to get there before Ayanami got here, before anyone else got here.

I was going to save that pilot no matter what.

I hit the ground a little hot and fell over onto my side. I wasn't hurt, not enough to matter. I pushed myself back to my feet and reached for the pack clipped to my side. The gun. I needed the gun.

I pulled the pistol from its pouch and pulled back the slide to check, loaded magazine. I let the slide slingshot back into battery and passed the pistol to my left hand and thumbed the safety off. Whatever was ahead of me, I was going to save the pilot.

From the ground everything looked bigger, Unit One seemed like a gargantuan protector… and unit three looked like something out of my nightmares. It was still inert. The Angel was in the entry plug. I was going to rescue the pilot.

I ran across the uneven terrain as quickly as I dared. The tread on the bottom of my feet gave me purchase even when I ran through the pool of LCL, even through the mud and across the rocks and torn up pavement, when the Evangelion blood mixed with the LCL.

I pushed myself up and out of the last trench blocking me from the plug, and pulled myself into the torn open end with my right arm. I almost threw up at the sight in front of me. My left arm burned all the way to my chest and then deep inside to my heart. I wanted, needed to pull the trigger.

I would save the pilot.

The Angel had manifested itself inside the plug, a skeletal mass full of loose, disjointed flesh. It wrapped itself around the control saddle and loomed over the pilot, glowing pink eyes and pincers pressed against the pilot's head, wrapped around the synchronization clips. An angry red spiraled spike came down from the Angel's 'head' and impaled the pilot to the seat through their abdomen.

I would save the pilot.

The pilot's plugsuit was in tatters, there was blood mixed with the LCL. Their hand was clenched into a fist around the left control stick, the side from which I approached. My foot splashed against the LCL puddle and it echoed throughout the plug. The Angel remained still.

The Pilot did not.

The Pilot was awake.

I would save the pilot.

I ran to the side of the saddle and put my hand on theirs. “I've got you, come on!” I yelled as I jammed the barrel of the pistol against the base of the spike and pulled the trigger.


The spike shattered where it joined the Angel's head and the scream it let out was deafening. An AT field didn't manifest I didn't know if it was because of how close I was, or if it was because it needed to touch the pilot. I didn't care.

The pilot was free from restraint, and with my hand wrapped tight around theirs I pulled with every ounce of strength in my body towards the torn open end of the plug. Pure adrenaline was fueling me. Fear, hate, disgust. Every part of my body wanted to be as far away from that abomination as quickly as I could.

I felt resistance on my hand, and then I felt my grip returned twofold. There was a splash of a foot hitting the LCL in the bottom of the plug and we both stumbled and fell out of the end of the plug and onto the ground.

I heard her coughing and turned to finally look at her. Her left eye was black with a pink iris, like the Angel. She was bleeding from her head and from the hole in her abdomen, but not as fast as I would have thought. Was it feeding on her… or was it feeding her?

“Asuka, can you hear me? If you can get up, we have to get out of here.” I urged her as I tried to pull her to her feet.

Her body was trembling, she hardly had the strength to stand, probably used up everything she had left pushing herself out of the seat. But she was a trooper, she got her feet under her and I pulled her arm around my shoulder and held her up as best I could.

“Took… you… long… enough...” she gasped out as I half-dragged her away from the plug.

I pulled her up and kept moving, slowly, steadily. We had to get distance from that plug. The angel didn't look like it could really move outside of it, too tied into it, but I didn't wanna take the chance.

“Come on Asuka, just a little further. I've got some friends, they're gonna light that fucker up! I just gotta let them know to do it.”

I didn't know how I would do that--

The radio in the survival pack. It wouldn't broadcast on the VHF frequencies I needed to talk to Becket, but it would broadcast at extreme range... And an Arleigh Burke could pick up everything, up to and including smoke signals.

I propped Asuka up against Unit One's leg and reached into the pack with my now-free right hand to grab the radio. A simple single frequency high powered two way radio. It would have to do. I spun the dial and powered the radio on.

“Cylon One-Three in the blind. Entry plug on the ground is the target. Repeat, entry plug is the Angel!” I yelled into the radio before I set it down next to Asuka.

I pulled the coagulant injector from the medkit. Her plugsuit should have stopped the bleeding already, but the angel had ripped out the automatic systems, it was little more than modesty preservation at that point.

I jammed the injector into the wound on her abdomen and popped the catch, an instant later rapidly expanding foam filled the wound cavity left by the Angel's intrusion and the bleeding stopped. Her screaming didn't.

The radio on the ground crackled and came to life. “Cylon One-Three redesignated Knife One. This is Stethem Actual. What is your status?”

“Knife One to Stethem Actual, I have a wounded pilot and am unable to engage the target. The black Evangelion is inert, the target is in the entry plug. I'd really appreciate some tomahawks and a med-evac if you've got one to spare. We just need to buy some time for another Evangelion to get here.”

I looked over at Asuka, her face was twisted in agony, I could only guess how much of that was physical and how much mental. Nerv… would not be the place for her right now, they wouldn't think she was safe, but I knew better. Even if I was wrong, I'd still keep trying.

“Roger that Knife One. Care packages are on the way. Clear the blast area. Stethem out.”

I jammed the radio back into the pack on my side and put my right arm under Asuka's shoulders again. “Just a little more Asuka, we just need to get over to the rope, that will be far enough.”

She pushed against me and staggered along, using me like a human crutch to keep herself upright. I wouldn't let her fall, wouldn't let her down.

I chanced a look over my shoulder. The plug almost seemed to be vibrating, was the Angel recovering? If it had to steal an Evangelion, if it had to hijack the pilot, then what could it do without one?

But if it could get out of that plug and move, we were both dead.

But there was no way to climb that rope and carry Asuka up with me, and there was no way in hell I was going to leave her out here during a fight. Simple as it would be to just climb back up there and punch the plug until there was nothing left, I couldn't leave her alone and vulnerable.

And where the hell was Unit Zero?

I heard the shriek of a cruise missile's jet engine and put myself over Asuka, put myself between her and the entry plug before the first missile hit. The earth felt like it heaved under us and the heat and debris peppered my back even from this far away. Then another explosion, and another, each one getting further away.

I chanced a glance over towards the explosions and saw the plug bouncing and rolling away from us, not particularly damaged, but becoming less threatening with each passing moment. So the Angel could use it's AT field, but it couldn't anchor itself in place.

Or it didn't want to, but further away from me, from Asuka, was always better.

Over the sound of the explosions I heard the telltale 'thuck thuck thuck thuck' of a helicopter rotor. I jerked my head up to see an attack helicopter settle into a hover to the side of Unit One and unleash its entire payload of anti-armor rockets into the grounded entry plug.

A moment later it pulled back and started to settle into a slowly descending hover over our position. I put my left arm up to shield my face and became aware that I'd still never put the gun down, not since I pulled it the first time. I flicked the safety on and jammed it into the holster built into the survival pack.

The helicopter was landing, it was an Apache, JSSDF markings. The combat zone was still hot and they were landing to pull us out. Fighter pilots might get all the fame, but heroes flew attack choppers.

I pulled a roll of gauze out of the first aid pouch and started wrapping it around Asuka's head, despite her pained protests. I had to hide her left eye as quickly as I could. We could sort the rest out later, but I couldn't have them seeing that.

The canopy popped open and the gunner jumped out and hit the ground at a dead run. He dropped down next to me and put his arm under Asuka from the opposite side. “Let's get her in and get out of here. Come on!”

“How did you get here so fast? Did you come from the Stethem?” I asked over the thucking of the rotors as we lugged Asuka's twitching form to the waiting helicopter.

“No, Katsuragi sent us from Matsushiro! Would have been here sooner but we had to make a pit stop!” he yelled over the noise and gestured over to the helicopter.

Mari Makinami. Her hair was a mess but her plug suit was still on and her hair clips were still in place. She'd strapped herself to the side of the Apache. Tough girl.

She met us half way to the helicopter. “I can take her, finish the fight, Rei.”

I shook my head, “No, I can't. I won't leave her.” I hesitated and then looked back at the purple giant. “Take Unit One and finish this.”

She looked at me, and then looked at the Evangelion, and back to me, then smiled. “Revenge it is. Happy day!”

I turned back to the helicopter as she ran off into battle, and for once I was fine with somebody else fighting for me, for whatever fight would be left.

“Come on, we will put her in my seat, we can ride outside.” The gunner told me as he started to push Asuka up onto the side hull of the helicopter. Some maneuvering, shoving, and a little luck later we had her strapped into the gunner's chair.

The gunner closed the canopy and tapped on the pilot's glass. “Hang on, Ikari! This part is a little bumpy!”

I nodded and wrapped my hand in the strap that was tied to the pilot's boarding handhold. The helicopter lurched back into the sky and the wind whipped through my hair. I was thankful for the plugsuit, at least. It was insulated against the cold of the whipping wind.
The pilot eased us up and away from Unit One before turning for Tokyo-3. One last look over my shoulder granted me the sight of Unit One straightening back up and walking towards the Angel's entry plug.

Of course she'd make it move. Show off.

​

​

 

Chapter 26:
Help is on the way.​

I should have taken Aida up on his offer to let him take me to the airshow.

The thick sweet, cloying, taste of the LCL was heavy on my tongue, I felt the stomach acid rising in my throat. If I had any more anxiety I was like to drop dead right there, as it was I was shaking like a leaf, barely able to hold myself up but somehow managing to keep Asuka on her feet, and keep myself in front of her.

I had the pistol clenched in my right hand so hard I could feel the stippling of the grip through my plugsuit glove. It needn't have been like this. It could have been simpler.

They were waiting for us when the helicopter touched down. They would have known which entrance we were headed for, we weren't exactly trying to hide. Couldn't have even if we'd tried. But we had to come here, no-one else could deal with what had happened to Asuka, and they were in our way.

What side would Ayanami have taken? No, that was obvious.

I kept the pistol clutched to my side and half-carried Asuka towards the locked shutters, towards the four armed guards. “She needs help, call Akagi up here.”

“Stop there! Do not approach!” The lead guard yelled and held his hand up at me.

“Are you not listening?” I yelled, “She's wounded, she needs help. Get Akagi up here!”

“No! Stay back. We will not allow an Angel into headquarters!” The lead guard yelled at me and brought his gun up to the ready.

I felt Asuka's grip around me tighten up and she trembled. Blood was dripping onto the ground. I'd stopped the worst of it but she'd been run straight through. She needed a blood transfusion and more treatment than I could hope to provide.

“Are you kidding me? She's the only reason you're alive!” I screamed back and brought my gun up from my side and lined up the sights. “Get the hell out of my way!”

The other three brought their guns up to the ready and pointed them at me. I heard a hydraulic whine off to my side and chanced a glance over.

The Apache gunner had slewed his cannon over towards the guards. That was not something I would have expected. If they shot me, he'd waste them. Mexican standoff. It still wasn't getting me where I wanted to be, and Asuka was still bleeding.

This whole area was under surveillance though. Akagi had to be aware. Father had to be aware, right? But they weren't showing up, and I was pointing a gun at armed guards.

“Just let us in, I don't want to shoot you, but I don't know you. I know Asuka, and if I have to chose between you and my friend, I know who I'm gonna pick.”

“Kitty Hawk Actual to Knife One, we'll be at your position in thirty seconds.”

I spared a glance down at the radio tucked into the pack. It was still turned on? It made as much sense as anything. Becket had probably relayed our position, or the Apache crew did. I didn't know why the latter was backing me up, but I wasn't going to turn away an ally.

I heard the 'thuck thuck' sound of another helicopter coming in, and from the sound of it they were coming in hot. The pitch shifted and a blast of air blew past me, the dull thudding sound told me that the helicopter had touched down.

The Nerv security officers released their guns and let them fall back down on their slings. I lowered my own gun and chanced a glance over my shoulder.

A group of what looked to be Marines were pouring out of a landed Seahawk, and were taking up defensive positions, had their rifles at low ready. That would have done it, but I had to wonder what the hell was so important.

The guards had no problem trying to intimidate two teenage girls, one of whom was half dead, and calling the bluff of the Apache gunner, but against that many Marines they couldn't even be sure of getting a shot off before they were in the ground.

And they weren't really soldiers in the first place.

I felt a hand on my right shoulder, and it wasn't Asuka as I still had my left arm around her, holding her up. I looked over, up and to the right.

“Captain Clark?”

“Becket has kept me apprised of the situation, as best he could. I brought some of my friends in case there was trouble, and it looks like that was a good idea. I have concerns and they seem to be justified. But that can wait.” He explained to me with a warm look in his eyes. I felt like the world needed more men like him, if we were going to see ourselves through this.

I felt somebody grabbing Asuka and I turned quickly to see a medic and a marine helping her onto a board. They were obviously going to carry her the rest of the way. It was definitely preferable to walking.

I turned back to Clark, “Asuka was attacked by the Angel directly, they won't let her inside. She'll die without treatment.”

“And you were going to shoot them to get in?” He asked me, then he turned towards the guards, “I'm afraid she's going to be going inside. If that troubles you, well, you're going to have to come to peace with that. We're not letting this girl die.”

He stepped past me towards the closed shutters and tapped his hand against the card reader, as if thinking. Then reached into his pocket to grab a card and tapped it against the RFID reader. A beep, then nothing.

I took the few steps to his side quickly. I tapped my wrist against the reader. My plugsuit had a chip embedded in it, so that I could always re-enter the base. It wasn't like I had pockets for my ID card.

The reader chirped twice at me and then the shutter started to retract, agonizingly slowly. I looked up to Clark while the motors chugged out a monotonous done. “Why did you come all this way? I didn't think a rescue needed a fleet commander.”

He looked at me with a half smile that turned to a frown, “I have… concerns.”

I heard the dull thunk of the door finally locking into place and I heard a single footstep from the side.

“As it would happen, so do I. Come, bring the girls, leave the soldiers.”

Father. So he had seen what was happening? But could he have really ordered it. He seemed angry, but he wasn't directing it at me, angry at the situation? Angry at the guards?

“And your guards?” Clark probed.

“They were mistaken. Come, Akagi is waiting.”

XXX​

The scent of alcohol burned my nose and made my eyes water as Akagi worked over the half-conscious form of Asuka. Her bleached hair was matted to her skin, she was definitely stressed out. She probably wasn't often this kind of doctor, but then she was the only one who could be at the moment.

And I wasn't going to leave, not after everything I did. I had to make sure Asuka would be okay. After everything else, I had to see it through to the end. I'd come too far for anything else.

“Is she going to be okay?” I finally found the breath to ask. After everything--

“She's been contaminated by an Angel. We have no idea what is going to happen,” Akagi answered without turning to look at me. She seemed dismissive, distracted. Because she was distracted, but I still needed to know.

“Ayanami and I seem to be fine with Angelic contamination. Well, less contamination in her case, right?” I prodded back. I wasn't stupid, I knew what Ayanami was, and I knew this new flesh wasn't Rei Ikari original.

I wasn't on anti-rejection drugs, so that stood to reason that I couldn't reject it. It was either me, or something my body couldn't possibly decide was foreign. Or something my immune system couldn't kill if it tried.

She looked annoyed, “This is different… But she's alive. She'll probably stay that way, if my hunch is right.”

“Hunch?”

She shook her head. “None of it was right, none of what happened to her. I think that, based on what you'd said and what we saw, and what I see now… The Angel was puppeteering Asuka and using her to control the Evangelion. It wouldn't want her to die ever, so it wouldn't do anything to kill her. Whatever has been done to her, I don't see it being fatal.”

She looked distraught, I didn't like that look, and I liked it less on Akagi when she was trying to help Asuka.

I licked my now suddenly very dry mouth, “I feel a but...”

She nodded. “But, I don't know that whatever we get at the end of this is going to be Asuka. It might have been more merciful to have killed her with the Angel. Only time will tell if bringing her here was worth it.”

I shook my head, “No, it was worth it. There was never any other choice.”

“Maybe that's what Misato sees in you.”

I felt the blush but ignored it. “So what now?”

She laughed humorlessly and shook her head. Her hair was matted, her face slick with sweat. Stress was a hell of a thing, and I felt like Asuka and I had both caused her more than enough of it. “Now, I need a cigarette. After that, we wait and see who wakes up.”

“You're done?” I asked, looking over at the, thankfully, unconscious Asuka.

She dropped into her chair. It wasn't like we had an operating room at NERV, at least not one I was privy too, so the room we had our physicals in had to do.

Somehow I was sure it hadn't mattered.

“There wasn't much to do. I stopped the bleeding, not that you hadn't done a pretty good job of that yourself. The only thing we can do is wait, and contain. It's out of my hands now, she's stable, but she wasn't far from that when you brought her in. If anything other than an Angel had done that to her she'd have been dead an hour ago.” Akagi explained with her head leaned against the wall. Her voice seemed flat, exhausted. I could relate.

I sat next to her and leaned my head back against the wall. My skin itched under the plugsuit and I flexed my left hand. “Is that why I didn't die?”

“I can't say why you're still here, Rei. I did what I could, but the rest, well... You might have to ask--”

The door burst open and the sound of hurried footsteps followed after, I jumped to my feet and turned towards the sound. The loud cracking sound met my ears before anything else. I hadn't even seen the movement, but I felt the sudden stinging in my left cheek.

A moment later it felt like the air was being forced out of my lungs while my eyes teared up. The mop of white-blue hair obscuring my vision was a familiar one, and I felt my arms moving of their own accord.

“You could have died.” The voice was muffled by my plugsuit. The speaker was wearing one just like it, but in white. She sounded upset, or as upset as I'd ever heard her.

“Ayanami, I had to.” I answered simply, my face still tingling from the slap. She was upset, I understood that. It wasn't my finest moment but I hadn't a choice.

She pulled away. Her eyes were bloodshot, her face damp. She was crying. “There were other options. You should have waited for me to get there.”

I nodded, “You're right… but I couldn't leave her alone. I wouldn't leave anyone alone to go through what she went through.”

She smiled thinly and shook her head, “You take too many chances. I… I do not want to lose you. I cannot protect you if you do not let me.”

I heard a chuckle and turned my head to the side, enough to catch Akagi out of the corner of my eye. She was shaking her head, “And here I thought you couldn't make it worse; you've got Ayanami upset with you. I don't envy you one bit.”

I looked back to Ayanami and was filled with a mix of confusion and sadness. Confusion that she was even in such a state, and sadness that I'd caused it. “I'm sorry. I guess we're too alike, trying to put ourselves in danger for others.”

She seemed to consider the statement and her smile reached her eyes, just for a moment. “We'll be the same.”

I smiled back and put my hand to the shoulder of her white plugsuit, the canary yellow of my own glove wasn't a sharp contrast. “You know, with my hair messed up like this, I'm a pair of contact lenses away from being your doppelganger. I guess we're pretty close to the same already.” I offered with a laugh.

She let out a quiet laugh, one I'd heard before but rarely could catch her doing while I was looking. “An improvement to be sure.”

Ayanami pulled away from me and moved to Asuka's side, to what end I couldn't be sure, but I watched her anyway. She seemed to study the unconscious girl for a moment before she pressed the wrist of her own plugsuit and released the tension.

The suit went baggy and she pulled it half way down, far enough to pull her right arm out of the suit and place her bare hand on Asuka's forehead. I tasted ozone for a moment, but nothing seemed to happen.

She pulled her hand away from the other girl and tucked it back into her plugsuit and reset the tension, an instant later it was clinging to her form. She turned and looked confused, almost but not quite troubled. As if she saw, or felt, or sensed something that was unexpected, or somehow wrong?

It wouldn't have taken a psychic to know that something was wrong with Asuka, but then why did she need to touch her with her bare hand? I wanted to ask, but I wasn't sure I wanted to know what she might say.

I would, for the moment, be satisfied that Asuka was alive, and that Ayanami cared. Even as unexpected as her reaction was. It seemed there was more to everyone than there first appeared to be. I would have never expected Ayanami to be so close with Akagi, nor Ayanami to be so open with her feelings to me.

But then here we were.

I blinked. I'd forgotten, how could I have forgotten? She was important, so important, but everything else…

“Where's Misato?”

 

Chapter 27:
Hurt

"I will let you down, I will make you hurt."​

I'd managed to wash the LCL out of my hair, but little else. The scent of the mint shampoo was calming, but only slightly. I was still stuck in my plugsuit, but I'd managed to at least clean up. I had only a few minutes to get ready, and I had to be here for this.

Normally a pilot or staff member who was injured in the field would be first taken to a surface hospital, though Asuka's case was unique and required, at least I thought, more than what the surface hospital could provide.

The main benefit was that you could airlift somebody to the surface hospital without having to take them through the myriad elevators that crisscrossed the geofront proper. This meant that a wounded pilot or forward deployed technician could receive treatment as fast as possible, angelic contamination notwithstanding.

The heavy twin rotor helicopter hovered overhead as it made its final approach to the hospital's helipad. Misato was going to be on that helicopter, and a lot of other wounded people as well. We'd been told that much, and I could only hope, pray, that she was going to be alright.

It was allowing myself to believe this that let me keep going and keep from breaking down completely.

The helicopter started to settled onto the pad and the rotor wash blew my hair back, the sour taste that let me know I might be sick started to fill my mouth. It wouldn't be as bad as I thought, right? I hadn't changed anything. It would be the same. She'd sent the Apache, right?

The rotor pitch changed abruptly when the wheels touched down on the pad, they'd immediately started reducing power. They were going to shut it down, there was no other trip to make it seemed.

The ramp dropped with a whine and members of the hospital staff rushed up into the helicopter. In moments the wounded were being walked out, or carried on stretchers.

As each person passed by my fear grew, and I had yet to see Misato. I couldn't decide if that was good or bad, and I couldn't calm down in the slightest.

I felt the hand grip my shoulder and turned my head slightly. Captain Clark had come with me, either as support or due to a lack of trust in the Nerv authorities. In either case I was glad for his presence. It had as much of a calming effect as anything could have at that moment.

My left hand kept fidgeting, clenching into a fist and opening back up. I shook it to try to make myself stop.

And there she was. My heart felt like it stopped and started beating again. She stepped off the ramp under her own power, a slight limp but she'd had that since the fight over the pacific. She was okay. She was fine. I felt the tension fall away.

Left foot, right foot, left, right. I started walking, and then ran the rest of the way up to her. She turned and caught sight of me and froze, her expression turned cold.

What?

“Misat--” I started, nervous apprehension colored my voice, I felt ice in the pit of my stomach.

“Did you know?” She cut in abruptly. Her face was a mixture of hurt and hatred.

I was, in an instant, terrified. Terrified of what she might do, terrified she might know what I had done, what I'd failed to do. But how could she even suspect?

“Did you know?!” She yelled at me. I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

My mouth was dry, my eyes were watering, heart pounding. “I couldn't--”

Crack. The world spun and my cheek was on fire. I hit the ground with a thud and stared up into the sky. The inside of my mouth was bleeding, my ribs hurt from hitting the ground. Misato was crying, staring down at me, her hand still held out from where she'd hit me.

She knew that I knew. She knew that I knew and didn't tell her. She didn't know that I couldn't take the risk, I couldn't stand the thought of losing her.

Had I lost her?

I tried to blink back my tears, I saw Clark from the corner of my eye rushing to my side, I couldn't imagine what he thought of what just happened. I didn't know what I thought of it.

Other than that, perhaps, my life was over.

I pushed myself up to my knees but couldn't really bring myself to stand, not quite yet. More footsteps, Clark had his hand around my elbow. I saw movement behind Misato, a shorter figure. A girl, about my height, a little shorter. I recognized her. I'd seen that face before, in the mirror and on the projector.

“What are you doing here?” I choked out through my tears and pain. Of all the people who it could have been, it had to be Rose?

“I had to make sure she knew the things that she needed to know, the things that you were unwilling to tell her. I gave her the warning you refused to,” she spat at me. Her own face mirrored the disgust that I'd seen on Misato's face before.

I clenched my fist so hard I heard the bones crack, felt my heart rate jump, my blood pressure spike. In that moment I could have died or exploded, or any point in between. My stomach was in a knot, my blood was boiling.

I jerked away from Clark's grip in a single fluid movement and pushed myself up onto my feet in a frantic lunge for the other girl, my teeth were bared, jaw clenched. “I'll fucking kill you!” I screamed as I swung my left fist for her face.

Scared little girl, seasoned fighter pilot, and terrified lover, the girl I'd been before, and the one that I was now, all screamed and cried in my mind. I was going to kill her, I'd tear her throat out with my bare teeth if I had to.

The wild swing connected with her raised arm, but she was an even match for me on a good day, and I was furious beyond compare. My punch pushed her block up against her head anyway, and I followed up with a jab from my right fist into her gut.

Her fist connected with the side of my head but I didn't care, it didn't matter. I didn't feel it. I kept pushing forward and drove her over onto her back and into the ground. I fell on top of her and slammed my head forward against hers.

I felt the fist connect with my nose and felt the blood start to rush out onto my lip. I didn't care, my chest was on fire, I felt the heat rushing through my body. I wanted blood and I was going to get it.

The blow that took me in the ribcage came by surprise. I lost my grip on my prey and rolled onto my back and bounced. I looked up to see that Misato was standing above me, between me and Rose. She'd stopped me?

“Don't you know how many people she's killed?! You're going to take her side? You're going to stop me? After what she did!? She tried to kill both of us! She tried to kill my father!” I screamed through my tears and blood. Betrayal begets betrayal? I was trying to protect her, and this was what I got?

Rose sat up and spit blood onto the concrete, her head jerked over to look at me. She'd expected the physical confrontation? Maybe. She shook her head at me and pushed herself back to her feet, “How many people have you killed? Through action or inaction. What do you think happened the night you lost your arm?”

I felt Clark pulling me back to my feet, and I let him. I looked between him, and the two woman, one of whom I thought loved me. Rose had ruined that. “So you're against me now? You're against me… after everything I did for you? Is that true Misato?”

“You kept important information from me, Rei. People have died because of this.” She tried to keep her face stern, but she looked like she was as close to breaking down as I already was.

“So fucking what!? I couldn't know it would be the same! It wasn't supposed to be Asuka! I just wanted to make sure you were safe, I didn't want to change it, couldn't bear to see you die!” I screamed back. I couldn't take it, couldn't keep looking at her eyes, seeing that hurt.

I shoved Clark away from me and turned. The need to fight and kill had turned into a need to flee. I couldn't see her, couldn't let her see me. Not right now, maybe never again.

Left foot, right foot, left, right. I dropped my head and ran. I heard the yelling behind me, but I didn't care. Didn't care where I ended up, as long as it wasn't there.

The pavement gave way to gravel, which gave way to grass, and then pavement again. I didn't look where I was going, didn't care. I felt my heart pounding, felt my lungs burning, but I couldn't stop. Not after that, not after worry turned to relief and then terror. No.

xxx​

Concrete turned back to grass, and to dirt, and to brush. I had no idea how long I'd been running, but my body didn't seem to need to stop any time soon. It was my second wind, my third wind. It could have been hours, or days. I didn't care, couldn't bring myself to really think about it any terms other than distance from my problems. Everything had gone so wrong, so fast. I didn't, couldn't, know how to fix any of it.

“Ayanami?”

I stopped in place, almost tripped over myself and shook my head. I was drenched in sweat, my plugsuit didn't exactly breathe so once I had the time to think about it, it felt slimy on my skin. My hair was matted down to my head and my stomach ached for food.

I blinked and turned towards the voice. The air was thick with the smell of foliage and… cooking food?

“Aida? How?” I blurted out, my brain not quite able to catch up with my mouth.

He tilted his head at me, “No, Ikari? Your hair is different. I camp out here sometimes, survival training, you know, if the power goes out for a long time or something,” he explained. “Are you okay? What are you doing out here dressed like that?”

I shook my head, “I… I made a mistake. I don't want to talk about it.”
​

 

Chapter 28:
Where Angels Fear to Tread​

The smell of the campfire was soothing in the same way as the blanket I had wrapped tight against my skin. My stomach was full, or as full as I could tolerate. I'd eaten what I could force down, but even then only because Aida had insisted.

It seemed I couldn't stop being someone's problem. My guardian's problem, Misato's, my father's problem. I'd given enough grief to Becket and Clark. Touji and Hikari. Now I was a burden on Aida. Maybe that was my lot, to be a burden and let people down.

He pushed a log into the fire with his foot and seemed to be avoiding looking directly at me. I could understand that, we really hardly knew each other, but it was a testament to his character that he'd helped me so readily.

He'd given me food, a place to sleep, and a blanket to cover myself up with so I could take my plugsuit off and get cleaned up. The last part was probably the most important to me. Of course, I probably looked like hell. I'd been crying, my face was probably messed up from the fight, and my ribs were definitely bruised.

But he was pretending not to notice, either to spare my own feelings, or to spare his own. He was probably better than all of us, though. Better than I was; he hadn't lied. He hadn't peeked when I had changed into the blanket. A gentleman, or shy.

Couldn't it be both?

I slid down the fallen log we were both sitting on until I was next to him. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks but it felt better than the tears. My lips felt numb as I turned to look at him, comfortably too close to him. “You know, I should have probably taken you up on that trip to the airshow. I'd have had more fun with you.”

He blushed and parted his lips to speak. On raw impulse I lunged the last few inches and kissed him, turned and threw my arm, and half the blanket around him. I leaned in, and he stood up. My blanket fell half way off and he turned his head away.

“Rei I… I like you but, it shouldn't happen like this? I know… I know something is probably going on right now and this doesn't feel right, not like this, okay?” He stammered out, still making very sure to stare into the forest and nowhere near me.

I pulled the blanket back up and wrapped myself in it tightly. I'd fucked up again, ruined it again. “I'll leave… just let me get my plugsuit and--”

“No, you don't have to leave!” he yelled suddenly, not in anger but something closer to panic. “You can stay, just… just we can't do anything like that. It's too soon, too fast. It doesn't feel right. Okay?”

I slumped my shoulders and leaned closer to the fire. Maybe if I was lucky a stray spark would come flying out of it and set me on fire and I could be consumed completely, and not have to deal with the strain of living after such a huge mistake.

“It's not too late, you know,” he said suddenly.

I looked up at him, “What?”

“It's not too late, the airshow is still going on tomorrow. They had to delay it because of the alert. They're going to do live fire demonstrations with classic American aircraft! I heard they were going to use a North American P-51 Mustang and a Lockheed P-38 Lightning!” He gushed at me. His face was still red, but it was a distraction.

I could let him have the distraction.

I smiled, “That actually does sound pretty cool...”

“Yeah, it's not far. We'll be able to see it from here! That… might be another reason I chose this as my campsite.”

I laughed, for the first time that day, “Well that sounds exactly like the Aida I expected you to be. It sounds like fun.”

Maybe I wouldn't be such a disappointment. He'd asked me on a date, why not take him up, even if it was a little late? Consequences were going to find me sooner or later, but for the moment I could try to escape from them, just for a little while.

xxx​

The furred leather aviator's cap and goggles perched atop my head did everything they needed to to hide my hair color from the public eye, the sheepskin jacket made it look less like a disguise and more like a silly Japanese girl doing a cosplay.

Aida was a true gentleman, and I'd have to pay him back later. It did make sense that stuff like this would be sold at an airshow in Japan of all places, and so much the better to cover up as much of my plugsuit as I could.

Not that anyone here was likely to know what a plugsuit was, looked like, or was for.

The smell of high octane aviation fuel and brake pads filled the air. It was as close to nirvana as I was likely to achieve in my life, a familiar, nostalgic scent. Familiar like a reflection in the mirror from long ago, like a photograph I didn't quite remember taking.

But for now, for a minute or an hour, I could lose myself in it. Revel in the past, of better years gone by. A feeling of nostalgia for a life I never lived, yet didn't care any less about for it.

The roar of twin radials rushed by overhead and I looked up to see a C-47 in a shallow right hand bank, trailing colored smoke as it passed by. The engine start checklist popped into my head along with the memory of how the yoke and throttles felt under another girl's hands.

I shook my head and turned back to Aida and put on a smile, “This is pretty cool, right?”

He blushed and laughed, “This might be the best thing that's ever happened to me!”

The pitch of the engines changed suddenly, I jerked my head to the side on instinct and saw that the C-47 had stopped trailing smoke and was extending out of the area, the engines sounded like they'd been ramped up to full power. It was probably part of the show but it still attracted my attention.

The crowd got quiet suddenly, and I began to worry. I glanced over to Aida and he looked back, but there was just as much confusion and worry on his face as I'd felt. I'd spent the night in the woods with him, nobody had found me, was this somehow related?

“Please exit to the nearest shelter in an orderly fashion. Please exit to the nearest shelter in an orderly fashion. This is not a drill. This is not a drill.”

The pre-recorded message was one that had been heard a lot, they played it when the Angel sirens went off, usually. But that hadn't happened yet. It shouldn't have happened so quickly anyway, it had only been a day. That didn't match the timeline. That didn't match anything.

The crowd started to pour out, but I stayed in place, frozen in indecision. Aida stayed by my side, as if deferring to my own experience in these matters. If only he knew how little I knew, and how much I knew too.

The rapid 'thuck thuck thuck'ing of multiple rotor discs approached rapidly and passed overhead, at least a dozen Apache helicopters were flying in formation towards the city center. That was not an Angel attack, they wouldn't have bothered, not anymore, not after--

“Asuka.”

Aida looked at me, “What about her?”

I looked out at airfield, there were still aircraft on the apron, ready for their turn in the show, but the pilots, ground crew had all started to evacuate. I looked back at Aida, and then towards the city. I clenched my left fist and felt the tears fall.

All the things I'd fought for, fought to protect, but I'd still lost it. Lost it because I was afraid of changing things, of losing people, and I'd lost them anyway. Not to injury or death but to my own insecurity, as a result of my own lies, my own omissions.

I'd brought Asuka to them, everyone had seen her, everyone had seen what had happened to her. Everyone had seen who'd taken her in. Rose had flipped sides, told Misato everything, and if anyone else heard, if anyone else knew--

They might attack. That was always the risk, right? If Rose told them, if she knew what I knew, and she had to know, then everyone was in danger. This would be an excuse to attack, to take control… They'd ruin everything, because I fucked up!

“Kensuke, I… I have to go. I have to get back there, I have to make this right!” I almost screamed as the tears fell from my eyes.

I felt a hand grab me by the shoulder, I turned and saw a guard trying to pull me away, towards the shelters? “Come on!” he yelled at me.

I pulled back, “No, I have to do--”

He jerked me and I almost fell off my feet, “Stupid girl, do you want to die?”

I felt my right fist curl up into a ball, and an instant later I heard the crack, but I hadn't moved.

The hand released from my shoulder and spun around to see Kensuke had cold-cocked the guy. Must have learned something from Touji after all? The guard had put an arm around him and was trying to wrestle him to the ground, but he wasn't paying attention to me anymore.

His pointed his hand out towards a P-38 sitting out on the airfield, “You're a pilot, right? Go, this is your chance. I wish I could help, I wish I could make a difference like you, Rei, but I can't. I can give you a chance, so take it. Run!”

After this, I would come back for him, I would find him. I would do whatever it took, pull any favor, to get him out of trouble, to pay him back for his kindness. The boy who I’d ignored all this time, and he was everything I could have used before, he was the friend I needed.

I spun away and felt into a sprint as more helicopters passed overhead, headed for the city, carrying the heavy ordnance. We'd been so close to the end, just a few more, and then I could have done what ever I could to stop the world from turning wrong, I couldn't let this stop me.

I couldn't let Misato, or Ayanami, or Asuka, or Father die, couldn't let them be taken, not while I had any breath left in my body.

I fell against the left engine nacelle and picked myself up again, I didn't have the time to slow down gracefully, somebody might catch me, stop me, and I couldn't have that, not when so much was at stake.

I climbed up onto the wing and pushed the canopy open, and dropped myself into the seat. This was all familiar, damn familiar. Gypsy Rose had flown one of these before, many years ago. So I knew what I had to do.

I pulled the canopy shut and slapped my hand down on the main battery disconnect. “Fools rush in...”

 

Chapter 29:
Finest Hour​

My hands were shaking as I pulled the goggles down over my eyes. I toggled the fuel pumps on and checked the panel, full fuel in all tanks. I would be a little heavy, but that meant at least an hour and change of fuel, that'd do.

Power on, fuel on, magnetos on, primer on. I rolled the prop advance to full and pushed the throttles to the lower quarter and set the mixture to full rich. Radiators full open. The guard was running for me now, I could see him out of the canopy, he'd left Kensuke alone.

If he wanted me out, I'd make him shoot me.

I pushed the started for the left engine and listened as it chugged through. Oil pressure came up, one, two, three, four, five, six blades past, the engine caught. I leaned on the wheel brakes and throttled the engine up to half and then back down again, then set the mixture to auto-rich.

He stopped and threw his arms up in confusion, he was probably smart enough not to approach a spinning propeller. Hopefully he was smart enough not to try stopping me.

I hit the starter for the right engine and watched through six, seven, eight blades, before the engine caught. I dropped the mixture into auto-rich and throttled both engines up and let off the wheel brakes.

I started to roll immediately, and there wasn't time to waste. I steered the nose towards a clear patch of the apron and pushed both throttles up to the wire. The engines roared up to full military power and the craft lurched forward. I felt each crack in the pavement through the tires as I lumbered forward.

As always there had never been a choice. Not in the arctic, not over the pacific. Not with my father, nor Asuka. Since the very first day I set foot inside Nerv, there was never a choice. I would fight, because I had to fight, because I was a person who could fight. Even if somebody else could do it, I couldn't ask them to do it alone.

I reached down and powered on the gyro-stabalized gun-sight. The cross-hair lit up and floated in front of me inside of the mechanism. It had been a live fire demonstration, right? I could only hope that this was one of the craft that they'd loaded with ammo.

If they hadn't, I could still ram.

I eased the yoke back and the nose pitched up, with a few dozen meters of apron left in front of me I felt the mains pick up off the ground and I pulled the lever to retract the gear. In the air again, in a plane that was older than my father, from a war fought against my homeland.

And I was going to use it to fight a war against my homeland, to protect the ones that mattered to me… or I was going to die trying.

I pulled the radio set over my head and finally strapped myself into the seat, now that I had the time to. They wouldn't be able to catch me now. I looked down at the radio panel. A set this old wouldn't pick up encrypted comms, wouldn't be able to broadcast on those frequencies either. I could run on guard, or military guard, but that would be in the clear.

Unless…

I rolled to a frequency and keyed the mic, “This is November Charlie One One Three, to Robert Dean Stethem. I feel like I'm on a knife's edge. Lot of helicopter traffic up here. They're making it hard to see the Irises, what's going on?”

It was in code. It was a shitty code, but it was supposed to be, and I couldn't think of anything better. If the right people were listening, it would get their attention.

I didn't have radar, gps, navigation of any kind. I had to do this the old fashioned way, with my eyes. I rolled into a shallow turn towards the city center and kept my altitude low. This plane really shined in energy fighting but I couldn't afford to climb and make myself a visible target.

Eighty years out of date, but she still had a few tricks left, I was sure.

I eased the yoke forward and dropped altitude until I was nearly scraping the treetops. For what good it might do, every little bit that made me stand out less helped. The radio remained silent. If they heard me, if they put together what I said, they weren't responding.

My airspeed was approaching four hundred fifty, rather fast for a prop fighter. Fast even for a P-38, I had to wonder if this wasn't a K model instead of the L it appears to be. At this kind of speed it wouldn't take long either way.

And maybe I'd be lucky, and my suspicions would be invalid, it would be something else, and I was overreacting.

But Rose didn't show up when things were okay. No, she was the harbinger of sorrow. The anti-angel defense batteries lurched into the air ahead of me, propelled out of the ground on their high speed tracks.

Ahead of my flight path the ground pulled apart and an Evangelion launch track slid up into the air. Still no Angel siren. Unit Two slid up into my view, directly in front of me, a moment later. I felt my stomach drop into my feet as I stepped hard into the left rudder and wrenched the yoke over to avoid flying directly into the behemoth.

I keyed my mic back up as I leveled back out, “November Charlie One One Three to Evangelion Unit Two, what the hell is going on?”

As often as we'd played this game, if they weren't listening on VHF yet, I was going to punch someone.

“You know, you're a lot like your mother, Ikari. The military is attacking. They're trying to take over, they're trying to kill Asuka.” The reply came back quickly, and in English. I recognized the voice as Mari's. It was too much to hope that Asuka would be back on her feet so quickly. “Where are you transmitting from?”

“I'm in the P-38. If we're under attack I'm not running away. Find me a place to set down and I'll join you in Unit One.” I answered back. Cat was out of the bag now, right? No more use for misdirection.

“No joy Ikari, surface access lines are cut. They're trying to slow the military down, but they'll probably blow the city if they can't get in.” Mari answered back as Unit Two dropped down and then lunged into a sprint towards the city center.

“Like hell!” I yelled back and rolled the frequency over to military guard.

I punched the throttle through the wire and tapped the trigger. A short burst of pure tracer erupted from the fifty cals in the nose. She had teeth. Good to know.

I keyed up, “This is Rei Ikari to anyone listening. Toyko-3 is under attack by the Japanese military. I plan to fight them with every last breath in my body. I'm fighting to save the my friends, my family, and the only home I have left. I've fought to save this world, and I haven't always done the right thing… but I've tried.

“Captain Clark, if you're listening, after what I kept from you, you don't have any obligation to me, not anymore… but if you're willing, if you've got it in your heart, I could use some help to save my friends.”

My throat felt tight, the tears were flowing. Even after what I'd done, I could still find it in myself to be a burden yet again on the people who'd helped me so many times? I--

“Ikari, this is Kitty Hawk Actual. I don't kill kids and I don't abide those who do. If we burn, we're burning together. Help is on the way.”

I felt the hint of a grin pulling at the corner of my mouth. Maybe my account still had enough left in it to cash a few checks against. “Roger that Kitty Hawk. Try not to shoot down the P-38 I'm driving. Long story, if I survive I'll tell you about it. Ikari out.”

May as well have painted a target on my wing, but if they were shooting at me, then I knew where to shoot back. I rolled in and dove for the surface, I had all the airspeed I could want with the engines running wide open. They were good for five minutes of war emergency power, and after that I'd probably be dead.

But then I had a big red friend who was drawing more attention than I was. I saw a group of Apaches hovering in a semi circle around Mari, firing rockets at her. They were going for the cable. Not today.

They were even nice enough to line up for me. The P-38 was ready for this. She'd been resting easy since the end of the war, but she knew what to do. She had a warriors spirit.

I chopped the throttle back to half on both engines and stepped hard into the rudder to bring the cross-hair where I wanted it. I had limited ammo, had to make it count. I'd have been surprised if it was anything but full tracer belts, and I had no idea how much they loaded, but it felt pretty heavy.

The cross-hair dropped over the first helicopter and I squeezed the firing stud for the hispano and was greeted with the thumping of the twenty millimeter auto-cannon pouring out its lethal payload. Bright red tracers lanced through the side of the lead Apache, and I kept stepping into the rudder and pulling on the yoke to rake my fire across the whole group.

The lead chopper hung in the air for a moment and then dropped like a stone as the engines failed. Helicopters were fragile things. The remaining four didn't fare much better, they weren't going to stick to the fight at the very least.

Best to be sure though.

I dropped the nose again and slammed my finger down on the firing stud for the brownings and fired a torrent of bright red fifty caliber tracers towards the helicopters and raked my fire through the group again before powering the throttle back into WEP and extending out.

There were going to be more Apaches than there were bullets in my machine guns, but I was piloting a guided missile, if I wanted to think of it like that. If I lived that long. I was one manpad away from being a flaming ball of wreckage.

Ground troops were moving into the city ahead and below me. This kind of thing was crazy, moving in ground troops against an evangelion made about as much sense as a soup sandwich, but then so did fighting them with a P-38.

Let today be a day of anachronisms. I pushed the stick forward and lined the reticule up on the road in front of me and pressed down the firing stud for the brownings and raked fire up along the convoy as I pushed through into the city proper.

The buildings would give me some cover from air to air missiles, though the flying would be nerve wracking as hell. The pure tracer belts, though, would scare the hell out of anyone I fired them at, even if they were less effective.

My heart was pounding in my chest, blood rushing into my ears. I was killing men now, men who were doing the wrong thing for the right reasons, my own countrymen. They were dying because of choices I made, and then I had to be the one to pull the trigger.

I blinked the tears out of my eyes. It didn't matter, fuck them. I didn't know them. I knew Ayanami, Asuka, Misato, Father, even Mari. I knew Akagi and Touji and Hikari. I'd pick any of them over every one of these guys every single time.

I saw a plume of smoke up ahead and squinted. A missile launch from a Japanese F-2A headed right for me. I had about six or eight seconds to appreciate how fucked I was. A P-38 was never going to outrun or out turn a modern missile. I keyed my mic up and stared straight ahead, “Misato, I'm sorry. I love you.”

Four. Three. Two.

Oblivion take me.

A dark grey shape pulled head of me, pulling so many G's that the wings were shaking as it trailed vapor off the wingtips. I hauled back hard on the yoke right as the missile drilled through the midsection of the jet and exploded, by what felt like only inches I cleared the debris cloud and pulled a high G turn away from the Japanese jets.

“What the fuck?” I yelled to nobody in particular as I looked up and around through the canopy to figure out what the hell just happened. Three Raptors rocketed past overhead, followed by a much, much greater number of Super Hornets.

I keyed the mic as I pushed for the deck, to bury myself between the buildings to screw up their radar locks. “Who was that? Who just took a missile for me?”

“Cylon one one is down. Cylon one one is down. Cylon One Three, disengage. We'll avenge this loss.”

The tears flowed again and I clenched the microphone switch, “If it's not wearing the stars and stripes, it dies. We have no other friends today.”

So this was Rose's final 'fuck you' then? Would she be pleased to know she got her own brother killed? How would she feel when she found out?

I wanted to see her face, I wanted to see her justify it.

My fuel gauge was dropping for the left wing fuel tank. I looked over, I could see a thin trail. I must have taken a small arms hit, or maybe debris from the explosion. It didn't matter, I had more fuel than I'd need.

I powered back through the road I'd strafed before and fired another burst into the soldiers as I extended out towards Unit Two. She had a couple high-tech looking jet powered VTOL craft giving her trouble.

A step backwards and a heel kick later, both of the craft had exploded into shrapnel.

Maybe she didn't need as much help as I thought. If I could get to my Evangelion I could make them all regret this.

I looked back wards the city as a large red shape flew over top of me and into a high rise. Unit Two?

My eyes were drawn back from the direction the Evangelion had come from, and I was faced with the sudden, large, form of an Angel. One with two large, foil shaped arms. So. It was going to be that kind of a day.

I slammed the throttles to the stops and held onto the yoke for dear life, and forced the plane into a dive. I needed airspeed, airspeed was distance, distance was life. Life was victory.

A flash of movement to my left told me that Unit Two had launched itself back into the air, moments before a blast from the Angel leveled the building that the Eva had previously been leaning against.

This was not a fight she could win alone.

The next blast shook the plane and threatened to knock me from the sky, and with is the city center disappeared completely. The Angel had punched the armor completely in a single shot, and had a direct line to central dogma. Not good.

But then, that hole worked for everyone, didn't it?

I pulled back on the yoke and turned my airspeed into an Immelmann turn back towards the city, or would have had I not held the turn and turned it into a Split-S maneuver that took me inside of the now torn-open geofront.

I chopped the throttle to idle and dropped the landing gear and flaps. I need to shed airspeed and get on the ground quickly. Nothing except getting to the Evangelion mattered at this point. The P-38 couldn't do what I needed it to do, not for this.

Nobody else was going to die today. Not after Becket. I couldn't allow anyone else I cared about to die.

I let the craft drop in a lateral slip to shed altitude and add drag as I neared the large flat patch of ground that I'd planned to set down on, it would be near enough an access door to serve my purposes, if I could make it in time.

I was coming in too fast, in lieu of airbrakes I fired several long bursts from the machine guns and cannon, I would be needing neither in a few moments. The mains set down on the grass with a rough thud and I leaned hard into the wheel brakes while I cut fuel to the engines.

The airplane bounced and shuddered on the rough ground, but it held together. It was made for this, and it had seen worse. As I slowed I stepped into the left rudder to bring me closer to the pyramid. The closer I could get, the shorter the trip I'd have to take.

I cut the power when the wheels finally stopped turning and I popped the canopy open. I crawled out onto the wing on shaky legs, I could smell the gasoline. I was definitely leaking. But she'd done her job.

The Angel dropped into the hole above me and the ground started to shake. I found myself frozen in terror. Either I'd die in the next few seconds or I wouldn't, but there wasn't a damn thing I could do to influence the outcome.

And then Unit Three jumped out of the lake.

 

Chapter 30:
One Minute to Midnight​

The familiar hallways were longer than I remembered, the urgency and fear with which I ran ensured that. I could be too late; I could meet a firing squad around every corner. More people I cared about could die while I tried desperately to find the speed I needed to get where I needed to go.

If I was lucky the soldiers hadn't made it down this far. If I was unlucky I, at least, wouldn't have to live to see the end of the world. I shook my head and pushed harder, dug deeper for the energy and stamina I needed to stop anyone else from dying today.

The deeper I got into the base, the stronger the smell of blood and burnt powder got, and I knew that I may already be too late. Even with what was going on outside, they were still fighting in here? Stupid. So stupid, the world would end for the ramblings of a girl that somehow people believed.

Or maybe she'd forced someone's hand, and they had to move early.

The ground shook violently and I nearly lost my footing, had to brace myself against the wall before I could continue running. I didn't even feel winded, even as my heart pounded in my chest with a force I’d never felt before.

Ten meters, five, three, I skid to a halt in front of the cage door and smacked my wrist against it. The electronic tag in my plugsuit triggered the lock and the door slid open. An instant later a pair of hands dragged me inside and I heard the door slide shut behind me.

“What are you doing here?” I heard the voice, flat, but familiar. The tone was accusational, hurt.

I felt the tears rising already.

“Misato? You know why I'm here.” I answered as calmly as I could. I felt myself shaking, in fear, rage, pain. What would happen now?

“You lied to me. You lied and you ran away. You kept this from me!” She yelled, her hand gripped my shoulder hard. I couldn't tell if her other was going to hit me or hold me.

“Of course I kept it from you!” I yelled with sudden fire, my true feelings, my motivations, they were pure, right? “Look what's happened! Look at all this fighting, all this killing! This is why I didn't say anything! As bad as things were, the way I remembered, they weren't this bad, not this soon! This is what unkept secrets can cause!”

Her grip tightened, she stared with hard eyes. “We could have fixed this, we could have made it better if you'd told me sooner, we could have kept this from happening!”

I jerked away from her, I felt my blood boiling. This fight had been coming. “Of course we couldn't have! At least this I knew would work! I'm not the only one who kept secrets Misato! The only difference between you and me is that I already knew what you weren't telling me!”

She deflated slightly, her guilty eyes looked to the side, like she'd been struck and couldn't stand to see me. “She told me that, with the rest of it.”

“Then you should understand! You know why you didn't tell me what you didn't tell me! I had a good reason, this attack should tell you--”

She cut me off with a hard look, “Why did you come back?”

“You heard my message if you were listening. I came back to repent for my sins.” I explained. I felt the fire leaving me, leaving behind the hurt, the pain. The duty.

“And If I won't let you? If, after all this, I don't trust you? What then?” She accused. Her composure seemed to be slipping, whether she'd cry or kill me I didn't know.

And I didn't care. If I can't be yours, I don't need to live in this world.

“Shoot me in the head.”

“What?!” She almost screamed, she recoiled as if struck.

I looked up at her, tears at the corners of my eyes, but my resolve was strong. “I said shoot me! If after everything we've been through, every battle fought, every victory earned in blood and flesh! If after all of that, the time we spent together, everything we shared. I've faced certain doom today and watched one of my only friends sacrifice his own life to save mine, I won't see it happen again!

“I was ready to die then, you heard what I said. I meant every word I said to you. But, if you can't trust me to do the right thing now, to do what I can to stop the people I love from dying, if you think I'm going to do the wrong thing… I want you to put a bullet between my eyes, before another person I love ends up standing in front of a bullet meant for me.”

“Unit two is down! Unit three is taking damage!”

Her head jerked up to the sound from the loudspeaker and she looked back to me. I'd never seen her look so sad, so defeated. “I can't shoot you, Rei.”

“Then let me do what only I can do. Let me fight and die for the only thing in this world that's really worth it.”

I flinched when she reached out to my face suddenly, as if to slap it, but the strike never came. I opened my eyes and she ran her finger along my cheek, wiping the tears away. Her lip curled up into something almost a smile. What I'd have given to see that reach her eyes.

“Unit One was already prepared. You can go. I'll be here when you get back.” She explained softly. Her tears flowed faster now.

I blinked hard and grabbed her hand, maybe for the last time. “Everything I did, every secret I kept. It was because I love you.”

“I know.”

xxx​

Once again, I felt the familiar weight of the nerve connectors set against my head, in my white mop of hair. My hands wrapped firmly around the warm and familiar control yokes. The weight of the armor plating dropped onto my shoulders like a truck, it was a rush job and it showed.


The panels flashed and lit up with the external view of the cage. In the moment it took me to catch my bearings, I saw Unit Zero launch up a catapult a few rows to my right. Ayanami. I wouldn't let her do this alone, wouldn't let her lose, wouldn't let her get hurt.

Nobody was ever getting hurt again, nobody but me.

“Unit Three is critically damaged, pilot status unknown.”

Asuka. It had to be.

I slapped my fingers down on the MFD and over-rode the catapult. I was out of time, ready or not, here I come. “Unit One is launching now!” I yelled as the G-forces slammed me down into the control saddle.

I kept screaming as the catapult rocketed upward. The sync wasn't finished, but it was getting there, sensation in my fingers, toes, thighs, biceps. Nearly complete, I'd be ready. I hadn't far to go.

I slammed into the top of the launch rails at the same instant as a flash brighter than a hundred suns blinded me. I put my hand up instinctively to shield my eyes and Unit One mirrored my movement. I could make out the burnt form of Unit Zero as the light faded and the smoke started to clear.

She'd hit it with an N2 mine. That was never going to work. She was disabled, I could see that, either from thermal shock or raw damage, she couldn't move. The Angel started to change started to shift.

Started to form a mouth.

“Ayanami!” I screamed into the radio as I pulled and tore at the launch cradle. I was too far, too slow, the moments held in the launch restraints would make all the difference. The Angel lurched upward, ready for the kill. My left foot made it to the soft dirt floor of the geofront.

“I have to do everything, don't I?”

Asuka.

Time seemed to slip into slow motion as my right foot struck down. The Angel descended, Unit Zero stood as a mute statue, a monument to my own failure.

I took another step, the Angel fell further. A dark shape rose from the ground in a frantic lunging sprint. Blood poured from multiple wounds, one arm was missing, the other stripped of its armor, but in the moment it moved with a fluid and grace that I had only ever seen once before.

Unit Three's surviving shoulder smashed against the inert form of Zero and knocked it clear of the Angel's deadly strike.

For a moment, I allowed myself to have hope. The Angel's attack completed, and Unit Three disappeared into the Angel's gaping maw. A sickening crunch pierced the air, and I knew I truly had failed.

Asuka was more like me than I would have thought.

“No!” I screamed as I dropped down and pushed harder, left, right, left, right, left, right, jump! I launched into the air and crashed down hard on the Angel's chest, tearing through the AT field in a single strike.

My blood was on fire I felt my arm burning, my chest pounding. The deep feelings were coming out, the primal, reptilian urges. My left hand hit, my right. Over and over, drawing blood and splintering bone, shredding the carapace of the creature, cracking its mask.

The form under me changed into that of a girl, instead of the somewhat ribbon-like form it had taken before, the shoulders of the Angel remained, as did the mask. This didn't dissuade me from my task.

A surprised blast from the Angel's face knocked me off of it and I landed on my feet ready to launch myself back into the fight. My armor felt heavier for a moment, and then nothing. The plug went dark and the power alarm flashed. I'd run out of battery power. I'd never plugged in, in my haste.

I felt the plug lurch, I knew from the feeling that I and the Evangelion were airborne, and a moment later, we'd hit the ground. I was aware, dimly, that I was being struck repeadly.

“No.”

The plug shook, I felt that burning in my arm again, in my chest, in my heart. I felt the tears falling from my eyes and dissolving in the LCL.

No.

I felt it deep, deep down in that primal place in my soul, full of hate, and rage, and pain. The agony of failure, of defeat. The loss and emptiness that I'd felt, before, that Rei Ikari before the one I was now, the one before I was the sum of two wholes. The one before my life had been completed, if for only a time.

No!

I felt the burn spreading throughout my whole body, that deep primal instinct overriding all else. I knew what was happening to my body, I welcomed it. The hate and the rage boiled over, the pain strengthened me, I would take all of it, now and forever, if I could save them all.

And everything else be damned.

I felt my AT field manifesting, I gripped the control yokes so tight I thought they'd break. I could smell ozone and I knew it was because of me, I knew what I'd become. What I'd had to become, what I needed to become. Only Ayanami would understand.

And Asuka. Asuka. “Asuka...”

I forced the controls forward to their limit as the view screens slowly crackled back to life.

“I'm… taking… her… back!”

My AT field flashed into existence in front of me, blocked the Angel's next attack outright. My blood was rushing in my ears, pumping hard through my veins. I'd never felt more alive, more powerful, more in tune.

I could feel every part of my Evangelion as if it was my own body. The true power of the Evangelion was this, this feeling, this being. I lurched back to my feet and purposefully walked towards the Angel. I knew in my heart, instinctively, what I had to do, what I would do.

The Angel blasted me with its energy beams, and by reflex I returned the favor, cleanly severing one of the ribbon foils it had been using to attack me. My whole body tingled with fire and I reveled in it.

I could feel the Angel in front of me, even without seeing it. Feel it's strength, it's fear. I could feel--

Asuka?

Asuka!

I gripped the Angel's bone mask with my left hand and twisted hard, snapping the neck before my right hand pressed against the blood red core. I could feel it, I could feel her, inside, somehow. I was going to take her back, no matter what.

Spoiler

I forced my hand inside the core, and it accepted me. I could feel the AT fields aligning, no, merging. In front of me, at the end of the entry plug, it was as though a window was opening as the merger deepened. Sensation fell away to feeling and I climbed out of the saddle to move forward.

I could see her, feel her in front of me.

I wouldn't lose her, not this time, never again. I wouldn't lose anyone, ever again!

“Asuka!” I yelled as I pressed my hands against the barrier I'd met, the last bit of the Angel's AT field that it could use to defend itself against me.

She looked up at me, she looked broken, wounded. Her eye glowed pink, the other still cool blue. “You can't save me.”

I dug deep into that primal part at the bottom of my soul and forced my hands, my face, my upper body through that barrier all at once and reached out for her, even though I felt like I was on fire, like my skin was peeling away.

It didn't matter, I'd tear it all off, if I could save her.

“The hell I can't! Take my hand! Take it!” I screamed as I reached down. The heat was intense, the Angel was trying to kill me by force of will, but I wouldn't have it!

She blinked and reached up, almost enough, a few more inches, a few more… My desperation drove me and I forced myself down the last few inches and grabbed her hand as tight as I could and pulled with every muscle fiber in my body.

With a mighty heave I pulled her, and myself back into my entry plug and against the control saddle. Most of my plugsuit had burned away. I was peripherally aware that my arms now matched, and my scars were gone.

But Asuka was safe, she was in front of me, here, and alive. All of my failures, everything up until now, the hurt and heartache, made worth it by this success, somehow. I put my arms around her in a tight hug. “I couldn't leave you behind. Nobody else I care about dies today. You don't get to trade your life for anyone elses.”

I felt a strange feeling inside me, a sudden fatigue, sleepiness. I leaned back against the control saddle as my eyes started forcing themselves closed. “I guess… I overdid it...”

The last thing I saw before the darkness took me was the sky, changing from red to blue.

 

Chapter 31:
Against the Dying Light
“Do not go gentle into that good night.”​

My eyes opened to bright white light and nothing. A void without shape, without form. Without gravity or sound or sensation or direction. I knew what had happened in the time, in the world, before, but trying to remember it was like trying to remember a dream from long ago, like trying to grab fog or catch the wind.

The first sensation to return to me was one of an overwhelming warmth, of a comfort. I felt a sensation of tugging, urging me into a direction and into the distance, and I felt myself following it. Pulled along on a thread of hope and love towards whatever it was I was meant to find in this empty place.

The sense of time and form returned to me, I felt my legs under me, walking across the hard white floor, left and right, my bare feet on the warm for what felt like minutes, or maybe decades. I felt the heart beating in my chest, the breath in my lungs.

The thread pulled me harder and my feet pounded the ground as I fell into a run. I felt as though I was running for my life but I wasn't afraid, I was relieved. A smile fell onto my lips and wouldn't go away, and I didn't want it to.

I saw a mop of brown hair in the distance and I ran harder, I wasn't alone. I'd never be alone, I was safe now, loved, wanted. The hair got closer, its owner resolved into form. A woman, something about her…

I was close, feet or miles, I couldn't tell and it didn't matter. I saw her turning towards me, she was familiar, warm, a memory like a faded photograph and yet…

I reached out for her, and she reached out for me. Our fingers touched and my eyes opened wide. “Mother?”

The sound didn't come from my mouth, and I didn't hear it with my ears. It was a question that echoed through the void and was answered by her soul. I knew the answer in the instant the question had been asked, and I felt that thread of love and warmth pull tighter than it ever had, felt my heart race.

“-elp!”

I flinched, and she looked behind me and frowned. I couldn't look away from her, I needed to burn her face into my memory for all time. I'd finally found her, found my mother, I couldn't--

“I need help!”

I twitched and almost looked over my shoulder. My mother leaned down and kissed my forehead. I would stay here forever in this void with her if--

“Damnit Rei, now would be a good time for some help!”

Rei was my name. Rei Ikari. Had I forgotten? I finally turned my head and saw in the distance a hole, a window, a portal. I saw Asuka, the girl who I'd saved. She was asking for my help. She was in trouble, she was fighting for her life!

I felt the fire in my blood, felt my muscles tense and my head clearing of fog. I had a duty, didn't I? I had a responsibility… didn't I? I had to do the things that I could do, on behalf of the people who couldn't.

I turned back to my mother with fear and purpose, anxiety and dedication. Would she understand? Could I bear to leave so soon?

She looked to me with a smile and nodded, the unspoken 'I will always be with you' echoed in my soul and I knew that it would be okay. This place, I may never find my way here again, but somehow I knew that someday she might find her way back to me.

But I had somebody else to find my way back to.

Need gave way to action and my eyes opened, really opened, for the first time in I didn't know how long. Full sensation returned and I felt the warmth of the LCL against my skin, felt the control yokes in my hands, felt the fire in my blood.

“Rei!”

The voice reverberated through the entry plug and I knew the owner. Asuka! Once more into the fire, once more into the breach. I closed my eyes and felt the Evangelion, felt the straps and bindings restraining me into position as if I was crucified.

It was irrelevant, duty and need mattered more than any number of bindings that could be placed against me, and I snapped them with a mighty heave. Asuka needed me, now, just like then, whenever that had been.

I felt something pushing on the sphere of my perception, of my soul, and I reached upwards through my prison and grabbed onto it. Felt the heat and metal in my hands, and twisted, pulled, tore it asunder. I'd fought gods and won, this pale imitation could do nothing.

I felt the metal break apart in my hands and the influence pushing at my perception disappear, and give way to another more familiar feeling. Unit Two! Asuka! I could feel them both, so close to me, so very very close!

The memories came back to me, what I'd done, what had happened. The fight with the Angel and my rescue of Asuka. It had worked, she was alive, she was here!

I let go of the control yokes and leaned back against the seat in the entry plug, let my eyes drift closed, just for a minute. I felt like I hadn't slept in years.

xxx​

My eyes snapped open again as I felt the jolt of some kind of impact. I felt myself accelerating upwards and backwards. The plug was being withdrawn. Would my father be there? Would Misato? After what I'd done, what I'd failed to tell her?

The LCL drained violently from the plug, as it had always done before, but it was only when that happened that I really appreciated how stale it felt. In a moment I felt the plug lock into place and heard the hatch unlock.

They were opening the escape hatch instead of the the upper hatch? That was different. What had happened while I was out there?

I rolled out of the seat onto the floor of the plug and felt weak, but I pushed onward and found my strength soon returning. My canary yellow plugsuit gave me the traction against the slippery walls of the plug that I needed to reach the door.

I reached the edge of the hatch and started to pull myself through when another set of hands grabbed onto mine and pulled me out violently and dropped me unceremoniously to the hard metal decking. I blinked away the sudden brightness and rolled away as I saw a man coming at me with handcuffs.

Soldiers, there were soldiers. I kept rolling and pushed myself back up to my feet. My adrenaline went from zero to one hundred like a snap. I put my back to the side of the entry plug and scanned the room quickly.

Half a dozen armed men, some people that looked like they might be technicians or scientists. I didn't recognize the uniform at all. Had I been captured by hostile forces? The gun was still under the control saddle, I could never get there in time--

One of the men approached me again with the hand cuffs in his hand. I dropped to the ground and drove my fist upward as hard as I could into his groin and made him drop the handcuffs around the same time he doubled over to grab his injured manhood.

I wasn't about to be some asshole's fuck-trophy, or worse. I grabbed the handcuffs off the ground and withdrew back to the side of the entry plug, put my fist through the doubled up cuffs and held them like makeshift brass knuckles. I didn't have a real weapon but nobody sane would want to get hit in the face with this either.

The man I'd punched drew his sidearm and leveled it at me, I saw his finger twitch on the trigger and threw my left arm up defensively. It wouldn't stop a bullet but reflexes would not be denied. His gun fired and my eyes closed, but I wasn't hit.

An orange hexagonal field had flashed into existence between him and me. My heart was pounding out of my chest, my skin felt on fire, I felt ozone in the air. An AT field. Was this mine? My mind drifted momentarily back to when I'd rescued Asuka, the changes that had taken place.

I bit my bottom lip hard to keep my adrenaline flowing and pushed towards the soldiers, they were between me and the door. My AT field flickered with each bullet impact but nothing got through. The orange field reached the first soldier as I approached and he was pushed back, his boots skidding across the floor as he tried to hold me back.

I felt none of it.

The gunfire stopped and the men stood back from my AT field, let me pass through them. I neared the door and saw my AT field flicker, felt a tingling at the edge of my perception. I was being watched. My legs felt weak.

I saw Misato standing in the doorway. She looked different, older, but I would have recognized her after a million years. I would have recognized her after the world turned to ash and the stars burned out.

She walked towards me and my AT field faltered, fell. I didn't care, she was here. I stumbled, almost ran for her. We met in the middle, I put my arms around her and buried my face in her shoulder. She put her arms around me. “Misato, I--”

I felt a pricking sensation in my neck, and the handcuffs fell from my hand to the floor, and I followed them.

My back hit the ground and my head bounced off the decking. I saw Misato standing above me, leaning down, her eyes were as wet as her cheeks. Ayanami stood behind her, equally upset. What had happened? What had I done? I didn't understand, couldn't find the strength to voice my concerns, couldn't hold back the darkness that overtook me.

xxx​

“Who are you?”

My eyes snapped open again. I looked up at the light, I was handcuffed to a chair. I saw an unfamiliar face in front of me. Short cut hair, around--

Akagi?

Behind her stood Ayanami, her red eyes piercing my very soul. I could taste the ozone on the air. I looked back to Akagi. “I'm Rei Ikari.”

She looked at me with a strange expression, almost pained expression. She licked her bottom lip and looked into my eyes, “Are you sure of that? Have you seen a mirror lately? I know Rei Ikari, and you...” She trailed off and made a gesture to somebody in a corner of the room I couldn't see against the bright light shining into my eyes.

She set a small folding mirror on the desk in front of me and pointed it at my face. White-blue hair, pale skin… and red eyes. The contours of my face were the same, it was the same shape, the same face… but the eyes, the skin, the hair. I looked like Ayanami, but not.

I looked down at myself, I was out of my plugsuit, in medical robes. My scar was gone, my arms matched, my skin was a uniform pale color. It had happened, and that's why I wasn't believed. Rei Ikari couldn't project an AT field. Rei Ayanami could. An Angel could.

Could Asuka?

I looked back into Akagi's eyes. “This is what you were afraid would happen with Asuka, isn't it? After I pulled her from the plug.”

She looked like she'd been slapped. What happened to Asuka? “Is Asuka okay? I saved her! I pulled her out!”

I felt panic rising, could I have failed? “She knocked Ayanami out of the way, she was taken, but I took her back! Right? Right!?”

The ozone smell got stronger, I felt my fists clenching, felt the armrests trying to give way to me.

“You did save her.” I looked over to Ayanami, who had spoken now for the first time since I'd seen her again. “You took her from the heart of Zeurel's soul. You are Rei Ikari.”

I felt the calm returning to me, and I looked back to Akagi. Would that have satisfied her? She was close to Ayanami, or she used to be. Would she believe that girl?

“I believe you, but...” she trailed off and frowned, “It may have been better for you if you had been something else. Time doesn't heal all wounds.”
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