Chapter 30:
One Minute to Midnight
The familiar hallways were longer than I remembered, the urgency and fear with which I ran ensured that. I could be too late; I could meet a firing squad around every corner. More people I cared about could die while I tried desperately to find the speed I needed to get where I needed to go.
If I was lucky the soldiers hadn't made it down this far. If I was unlucky I, at least, wouldn't have to live to see the end of the world. I shook my head and pushed harder, dug deeper for the energy and stamina I needed to stop anyone else from dying today.
The deeper I got into the base, the stronger the smell of blood and burnt powder got, and I knew that I may already be too late. Even with what was going on outside, they were still fighting in here? Stupid. So stupid, the world would end for the ramblings of a girl that somehow people believed.
Or maybe she'd forced someone's hand, and they had to move early.
The ground shook violently and I nearly lost my footing, had to brace myself against the wall before I could continue running. I didn't even feel winded, even as my heart pounded in my chest with a force I'd never felt before.
Ten meters, five, three, I skid to a halt in front of the cage door and smacked my wrist against it. The electronic tag in my plugsuit triggered the lock and the door slid open. An instant later a pair of hands dragged me inside and I heard the door slide shut behind me.
"What are you doing here?" I heard the voice, flat, but familiar. The tone was accusational, hurt.
I felt the tears rising already.
"Misato? You know why I'm here." I answered as calmly as I could. I felt myself shaking, in fear, rage, pain. What would happen now?
"You lied to me. You lied and you ran away. You kept
this from me!" She yelled, her hand gripped my shoulder hard. I couldn't tell if her other was going to hit me or hold me.
"Of course I kept it from you!" I yelled with sudden fire, my true feelings, my motivations, they were pure, right? "Look what's happened! Look at all this fighting, all this killing!
This is why I didn't say anything! As bad as things were, the way I remembered, they weren't this bad, not this soon! This is what unkept secrets can cause!"
Her grip tightened, she stared with hard eyes. "We could have fixed this, we could have made it better if you'd told me sooner, we could have kept this from happening!"
I jerked away from her, I felt my blood boiling. This fight had been coming. "Of course we couldn't have! At least
this I knew would work! I'm not the only one who kept secrets Misato! The only difference between you and me is that I already knew what you weren't telling me!"
She deflated slightly, her guilty eyes looked to the side, like she'd been struck and couldn't stand to see me. "She told me that, with the rest of it."
"Then you should understand! You know why you didn't tell me what you didn't tell me! I had a good reason, this attack should tell you--"
She cut me off with a hard look, "Why did you come back?"
"You heard my message if you were listening. I came back to repent for my sins." I explained. I felt the fire leaving me, leaving behind the hurt, the pain. The duty.
"And If I won't let you? If, after all this, I don't trust you? What then?" She accused. Her composure seemed to be slipping, whether she'd cry or kill me I didn't know.
And I didn't care. If I can't be yours, I don't need to live in this world.
"Shoot me in the head."
"What?!" She almost screamed, she recoiled as if struck.
I looked up at her, tears at the corners of my eyes, but my resolve was strong. "I said shoot me! If after everything we've been through, every battle fought, every victory earned in blood and flesh! If after all of that, the time we spent together, everything we
shared. I've faced certain doom today and watched one of my only friends sacrifice his own life to save mine, I won't see it happen again!
"I was ready to die then, you heard what I said. I meant every word I said to you. But, if you can't trust me to do the right thing now, to do what I can to stop the people I love from dying, if you think I'm going to do the wrong thing… I want you to put a bullet between my eyes, before another person I love ends up standing in front of a bullet meant for me."
"
Unit two is down! Unit three is taking damage!"
Her head jerked up to the sound from the loudspeaker and she looked back to me. I'd never seen her look so sad, so defeated. "I can't shoot you, Rei."
"Then let me do what only I can do. Let me fight and die for the only thing in this world that's really worth it."
I flinched when she reached out to my face suddenly, as if to slap it, but the strike never came. I opened my eyes and she ran her finger along my cheek, wiping the tears away. Her lip curled up into something almost a smile. What I'd have given to see that reach her eyes.
"Unit One was already prepared. You can go. I'll be here when you get back." She explained softly. Her tears flowed faster now.
I blinked hard and grabbed her hand, maybe for the last time. "Everything I did, every secret I kept. It was because I love you."
"I know."
xxx
Once again, I felt the familiar weight of the nerve connectors set against my head, in my white mop of hair. My hands wrapped firmly around the warm and familiar control yokes. The weight of the armor plating dropped onto my shoulders like a truck, it was a rush job and it showed.
The panels flashed and lit up with the external view of the cage. In the moment it took me to catch my bearings, I saw Unit Zero launch up a catapult a few rows to my right. Ayanami. I wouldn't let her do this alone, wouldn't let her lose, wouldn't let her get hurt.
Nobody was ever getting hurt again, nobody but me.
"
Unit Three is critically damaged, pilot status unknown."
Asuka. It had to be.
I slapped my fingers down on the MFD and over-rode the catapult. I was out of time, ready or not, here I come. "Unit One is launching now!" I yelled as the G-forces slammed me down into the control saddle.
I kept screaming as the catapult rocketed upward. The sync wasn't finished, but it was getting there, sensation in my fingers, toes, thighs, biceps. Nearly complete, I'd be ready. I hadn't far to go.
I slammed into the top of the launch rails at the same instant as a flash brighter than a hundred suns blinded me. I put my hand up instinctively to shield my eyes and Unit One mirrored my movement. I could make out the burnt form of Unit Zero as the light faded and the smoke started to clear.
She'd hit it with an N2 mine. That was never going to work. She was disabled, I could see that, either from thermal shock or raw damage, she couldn't move. The Angel started to change started to shift.
Started to form a mouth.
"Ayanami!" I screamed into the radio as I pulled and tore at the launch cradle. I was too far, too slow, the moments held in the launch restraints would make all the difference. The Angel lurched upward, ready for the kill. My left foot made it to the soft dirt floor of the geofront.
"
I have to do everything, don't I?"
Asuka.
Time seemed to slip into slow motion as my right foot struck down. The Angel descended, Unit Zero stood as a mute statue, a monument to my own failure.
I took another step, the Angel fell further. A dark shape rose from the ground in a frantic lunging sprint. Blood poured from multiple wounds, one arm was missing, the other stripped of its armor, but in the moment it moved with a fluid and grace that I had only ever seen once before.
Unit Three's surviving shoulder smashed against the inert form of Zero and knocked it clear of the Angel's deadly strike.
For a moment, I allowed myself to have hope. The Angel's attack completed, and Unit Three disappeared into the Angel's gaping maw. A sickening crunch pierced the air, and I knew I truly had failed.
Asuka was more like me than I would have thought.
"No!" I screamed as I dropped down and pushed harder, left, right, left, right, left, right, jump! I launched into the air and crashed down hard on the Angel's chest, tearing through the AT field in a single strike.
My blood was on fire I felt my arm burning, my chest pounding. The deep feelings were coming out, the primal, reptilian urges. My left hand hit, my right. Over and over, drawing blood and splintering bone, shredding the carapace of the creature, cracking its mask.
The form under me changed into that of a girl, instead of the somewhat ribbon-like form it had taken before, the shoulders of the Angel remained, as did the mask. This didn't dissuade me from my task.
A surprised blast from the Angel's face knocked me off of it and I landed on my feet ready to launch myself back into the fight. My armor felt heavier for a moment, and then nothing. The plug went dark and the power alarm flashed. I'd run out of battery power. I'd never plugged in, in my haste.
I felt the plug lurch, I knew from the feeling that I and the Evangelion were airborne, and a moment later, we'd hit the ground. I was aware, dimly, that I was being struck repeadly.
"No."
The plug shook, I felt that burning in my arm again, in my chest, in my heart. I felt the tears falling from my eyes and dissolving in the LCL.
No.
I felt it deep, deep down in that primal place in my soul, full of hate, and rage, and pain. The agony of failure, of defeat. The loss and emptiness that I'd felt, before, that Rei Ikari before the one I was now, the one before I was the sum of two wholes. The one before my life had been completed, if for only a time.
No!
I felt the burn spreading throughout my whole body, that deep primal instinct overriding all else. I knew what was happening to my body, I welcomed it. The hate and the rage boiled over, the pain strengthened me, I would take all of it, now and forever, if I could save them all.
And everything else be damned.
I felt my AT field manifesting, I gripped the control yokes so tight I thought they'd break. I could smell ozone and I knew it was because of me, I knew what I'd become. What I'd had to become, what I needed to become. Only Ayanami would understand.
And Asuka. Asuka. "Asuka..."
I forced the controls forward to their limit as the view screens slowly crackled back to life.
"I'm… taking… her… back!"
My AT field flashed into existence in front of me, blocked the Angel's next attack outright. My blood was rushing in my ears, pumping hard through my veins. I'd never felt more alive, more powerful, more in tune.
I could feel every part of my Evangelion as if it was my own body. The true power of the Evangelion was this, this feeling, this
being. I lurched back to my feet and purposefully walked towards the Angel. I knew in my heart, instinctively, what I had to do, what I
would do.
The Angel blasted me with its energy beams, and by reflex I returned the favor, cleanly severing one of the ribbon foils it had been using to attack me. My whole body tingled with fire and I reveled in it.
I could feel the Angel in front of me, even without seeing it. Feel it's strength, it's fear. I could feel--
Asuka?
Asuka!
I gripped the Angel's bone mask with my left hand and twisted hard, snapping the neck before my right hand pressed against the blood red core. I could feel it, I could feel her, inside, somehow. I was going to take her back, no matter what.
I forced my hand inside the core, and it accepted me. I could feel the AT fields aligning, no,
merging. In front of me, at the end of the entry plug, it was as though a window was opening as the merger deepened. Sensation fell away to feeling and I climbed out of the saddle to move forward.
I could see her, feel her in front of me.
I wouldn't lose her, not this time, never again. I wouldn't lose anyone, ever again!
"Asuka!" I yelled as I pressed my hands against the barrier I'd met, the last bit of the Angel's AT field that it could use to defend itself against me.
She looked up at me, she looked broken, wounded. Her eye glowed pink, the other still cool blue. "You can't save me."
I dug deep into that primal part at the bottom of my soul and forced my hands, my face, my upper body through that barrier all at once and reached out for her, even though I felt like I was on fire, like my skin was peeling away.
It didn't matter, I'd tear it all off, if I could save her.
"The hell I can't! Take my hand! Take it!" I screamed as I reached down. The heat was intense, the Angel was trying to kill me by force of will, but I wouldn't have it!
She blinked and reached up, almost enough, a few more inches, a few more… My desperation drove me and I forced myself down the last few inches and grabbed her hand as tight as I could and pulled with every muscle fiber in my body.
With a mighty heave I pulled her, and myself back into my entry plug and against the control saddle. Most of my plugsuit had burned away. I was peripherally aware that my arms now matched, and my scars were gone.
But Asuka was safe, she was in front of me, here, and alive. All of my failures, everything up until now, the hurt and heartache, made worth it by this success, somehow. I put my arms around her in a tight hug. "I couldn't leave you behind. Nobody else I care about dies today. You don't get to trade your life for anyone elses."
I felt a strange feeling inside me, a sudden fatigue, sleepiness. I leaned back against the control saddle as my eyes started forcing themselves closed. "I guess… I overdid it..."
The last thing I saw before the darkness took me was the sky, changing from red to blue.