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The Skittering Chaos (Worm/Hazbin Hotel)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Thread Necromancer, Aug 7, 2020.

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  1. The Unicorn

    The Unicorn Versed in the lewd.

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    Nice.
    This Works, especially for a pistol with a small magazine, but not how I'd have done it. If I tried doing it that way I'd end up crawling on the floor looking for bullets that bounced off the table or rolled under the fridge or something.
    Not the Hammer, the bolt, or since you were calling it a slide earlier you can keep using the term.
    LOL! I'm pretty sure that's a typo :) If it's not I really want an explanation. :)

    Hmm...It looks like this might work if the gun is like a Rugar SR22, but not for Rugar MARK III (two of the several different types of Rugar 22 pistol). However I think Taylor should have dry fired the gun, i.e slot the empty magazine in, point in a safe direction, remove/turn off the safety, and "fire" the empty gun(Rugar 22 are double action, i.e pulling the trigger will cock the hammer, so no need to cock the hammer in advance). Then work the slide/bolt and "fire" again, noting the hammer cocks and fires each time.
    https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct...22Pistol.pdf&usg=AOvVaw1kbTyaoCYtHQ9mXky7uq8m
    https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct.../markIII.pdf&usg=AOvVaw3rxBymcLY6axhTnt_0CvyV

    Was that supposed to be "Good"?
    Typo, corrected.

    Extra word there.
    Odd phrasing, you seem to be missing something there. Maybe change that to "the van's driver-side door".
    Very nice and extremely interesting.
     
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  2. Thread Necromancer

    Thread Necromancer Amateur Taylor Torturer

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    Alright, I've made some additional edits now, I've addressed the bullets rolling thing by haveing Taylor have her bugs gather up her bullets and keep them in a pile as she unloads the things. I've changed the parts referencing a hammer to be a slide now, fixed the "lust" typo, I think because I mostly do erotic fiction it just slipped in. As for the model, I actually based it off of the Ruger Mark II and was going vaguely off of this one video I found of the disassembly of it.


    In regards to the dry firing, I actually did put it in but it was only about one line of words so it was easy to miss. I expanded it a bit in order to try to make it more noticeable.

    As for the rest of it, I fixed all that up and thank you for the advice and your superior gun knowledge.
     
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  3. Miller At the Wash

    Miller At the Wash Versed in the lewd.

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    Native born demons, infant and juvenile damned and of course all the bored damned souls who are tired of having their brains scooped out and sold as Canadian ice cream and hope to get an advantage though learning useful skills like efficient assassination techniques (nonono a short sharp twist like this... damnit I lost another one), how best to cook acid (off campus a bit of a trip), beginners pimpslapping (or, you now have a ho what do), looting for fun and profit (pillage then burn), the making of explosives and demo without blowing yourself up (because that shit stings), advanced pole dancing for the six armed, first second and third aid, intermediate pimpslapping (where's my money bitch?), TNT through the ages (taught by professor 'I thought the whole prize schtick would keep me outta hell' Nobel), how to scoop out the recently damned's brains and sell the result as Canadian ice cream (always a full class), MDMA for dummies (glowsticks provided on request), advanced pimpslapping (Ho you don't want me to raise my hand do you?), gunsmithing, and the ever popular accounting for fun and profit (only for the seriously evil).
     
  4. The Unicorn

    The Unicorn Versed in the lewd.

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    Okay, that's quite similar to the Mark III and doesn't have an external hammer, so Taaylor couldn't cock the hammer specifically.

    I've been keeping in mind that none of the characters got taught "properly" how to handle a gun so the lack of safety briefing actually works and they won't necessarily be doing things the way they're "supposed to".
    This would be an example of not doing things the "right" way, but thinking about it, I think it actually works both for Taylor and the gun design that this is possible as it would make getting the gun ready faster, although less safe.
    I don't think it would actually work that way in a Rugar mark II since the bolt stop would prevent it from sliding forward, but you can always say it wasn't a perfect clone.

    You're welcome.
     
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  5. Erwidze

    Erwidze Not too sore, are you?

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    Kinda late, but here’re my thoughts about the edits:

    Love them, especially the second one. It feels more natural now. The reactions are more appropriate and fitting, and her deciding that she will do better feels nice.

    Not sure what really changed about the first one, I guess some gun terminology? I don’t remember Taylor telling Mimi that she has an option to leave if things go sideways for them. Or maybe my memory is just bad. Regardless, it was also a nice moment. Would be interesting to see Mimi’s thoughts after that exchange, you know, like in the movies when a character gets an inspirational speech and decides to commit to a cause/help/whatever.
     
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  6. Thread Necromancer

    Thread Necromancer Amateur Taylor Torturer

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    In the first one I mainly screwed up gun stuff, as for the the Mimi leaving part, thats just Taylor preparing herself for if Mimi wants to leave the Merchants since while she seem to want to help, Taylor knows she can get kind of intense and realises not everyone can handle how things seem to escalate around her. The Wards could barely handle that and there was likely significant push back against her and her intense training of them back in the early days. Theo's friendship with her certainly didn't survive the training with her, not the she knows that. Mimi however isn't forced to be a Merchant so if things get to bad, she could leave. That isn't likely to happen as Mimi can certainly take the intensity, but Taylor doesn't know that.
     
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  7. VisV

    VisV Feedback Addicted Writer

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    Oh hey! Taylor just made her first deal!
     
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  8. Thread Necromancer

    Thread Necromancer Amateur Taylor Torturer

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    Kind of like a social contract, but yes she did.
     
  9. Thread Necromancer

    Thread Necromancer Amateur Taylor Torturer

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    So I just learned that one of the reasons people end up in Hell for the smallest of things is that Heaven is also overpopulated as fuck, and they don't want to kill people there so they send you to Hell for the smallest of things, and cull people in Hell so that they have more room to send people to hell.

    Sounds like God or whatever bureaucrat running Heaven just hadn't anticipated the absolute massive growth rate of the human population that now they have been panicking for the last century trying to slow the tide of people entering into Heaven so they can sort their shit out and stop Heaven from ending up just like Hell.

    Granted this came from a post on a different site so I still have to find the source from whatever stream was done to give us this information, but yeah, it kind of adds a bit of reason as to why so many people are in Hell that is far more reasonable than their just bigots. Now they are bigots with an understandable reason as to why they are sending everyone to Hell and slaughtering people there.

    Also the update should be coming sometime next week, with the latest hopefully being Thursday next week.
     
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  10. VisV

    VisV Feedback Addicted Writer

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    So god is an incompetent authority instead of a malevolent authority...

    Pretty sure that doesn't actually help his case.
     
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  11. Vladicus

    Vladicus Sage of reason and incomplete information

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    It does. Malevolent authorities are actively trying to screw People over , While incompetents are nowhere near as succesfull at screwing things over
     
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  12. Thread Necromancer

    Thread Necromancer Amateur Taylor Torturer

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    In the defence of Heaven's administration, for much of human history we have had less than a billion people consistently until things really started to pick up around just after the 1700s with the population explosion where for millenium before, the human population was somewhere near 650 million by the early 1700s, so Heaven has had literal millenium where they can slowly make sure that the place is well suited for the people who will eventually come to Heaven and they likely had a much higher acceptence rate, up until the population explosion.

    Through the century the population of the human race had increased by 250 million from it's previous high of 650 million. A 30ish percent population growth rate. Truth be told, that was likely a massive amount but they had probably handled it. Then it started getting even higher, as by 1900 the world population was 1.6 billion, a growth rate of that century being nearly 80 percent from the previous centuries 30 percent growth rate. That's massive, not to mention the massive amounts of wars that had been going on as well as the massive amounts of disasters from people dying due to small pox and the massive colonial enterprises. Hell, a lot of Hell and Heaven probably went tribal for a time during the time of colonialism due to how many tribals were killed through disease and force of arms.

    At this point, with the rate of births and just how many people were dying because of wars and many many other things, Heaven at this point likely started to heavily reduce the amount of people coming to Heaven because it was just too much for them to handle it and manage to keep it at least somewhat a heaven for people to live in, since they essentially are probably trying to establish Utopian living standards for everyone who lives there. Thus, more people to Hell.

    Then you have world war I and world war II where so many people died that they likely couldn't possibly keep up and at that point, they decided, nope nadda, this is way to much, only the purest of pure get into Heaven now.

    And thus the gates of Heaven were shut to those who live anything but the purest of lives on Earth, for their Utopian standards can't even withstand the birthrate of the Heaven-born at this point, considering that the cherubs in Heaven are opening a company for some reason.

    At least that's my guess as to the justification on why Heaven's policies are so strict.

    I could be completely wrong and they are just as foolish as the Wardens but unless shown otherwise, I like to give them the benefit of the doubt, at least at the moment.
     
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  13. VisV

    VisV Feedback Addicted Writer

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    Isn't god supposed to be all knowing? Shouldn't he have seen the population explosion coming way in advance?

    He literally told humans to "Go Forth And Multiply" did he underestimate his creations that much?

    Fuck, didn't he literally create the universe? Why can't he just magic up some more fucking space?

    If he can't even keep his shit together, why call him God?
     
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  14. Thread Necromancer

    Thread Necromancer Amateur Taylor Torturer

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    The way things are probably going to happen is that viziepop is probably going to make God either fallible or just straight up absent like the Maker in Dragon Age. Thus, leaving the management of Heaven to the Angels who are fallible.

    Hell it could even be an imperium of man situation where Lucifer almost succeeded but failed at the final moment, but managed to take down God or something and that's why everything is shit in the after life.

    But it will really depend on the route that Viziepop takes in this.
     
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  15. Wolfboy

    Wolfboy I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I've said this before but never posted it:
    God is neither a masochist nor a sadist. God is a chronic underachiever with a run away science project/experiment.

    Take that for what you will or wish.
     
  16. The Unicorn

    The Unicorn Versed in the lewd.

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    That Doesn't work, that REALLY doesn't work.

    Unless we're talking about a system with reincarnation (in which case you have a bunch of other issues) that argument fails to consider the fact that souls/people in either heaven or hell don't die naturally. I was going to start calculating how many people in hell and heaven combined there'd be by 1700 but https://www.prb.org/howmanypeoplehaveeverlivedonearth/
    did a better job already. By 1750 they'd have close to 90 billion people, if you only count live births, if still births count as well add a few billion to that. The added population since is a fraction of the population they had.

    Keep in mind that the main reason population shot up is that people weren't dying as fast so the population of Heaven and hell wouldn't be increasing as fast as RL populations did.
     
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  17. Thread Necromancer

    Thread Necromancer Amateur Taylor Torturer

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    Right shit, for some reason my mind went straight to more humans, more death, forgetting about the reason why there was more humans. This is why I am terrible at math.
     
  18. Night Hunter

    Night Hunter Making the rounds.

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    It's more likely after thousands of years of receiving human souls, both Heaven and Hell are reaching the breaking point that can no longer fully accomodate these souls along with hellspawn and heavenborn beings.
     
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  19. Thread Necromancer

    Thread Necromancer Amateur Taylor Torturer

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    I've made some edits to Chapter 9:

    Mostly the edits are in the vein of Skitter wanting to show to the Merchants that she isn't trying to subvert their gang to her sole control, mostly because they have been supportive of what she wants to do so far. That and hopefully with his, they will trust her to continue to make good decisions compared to the PRT/Protectorate which kept trying to stop her but continued to fail to do so for various reasons, with one of the reasons being brought up being that the regular police officers, mayoral officials, and the public at large in Chicago pretty much loved how she was doing things while in the Wards.
     
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